4 Big Ideas That Will Change Your Love Life

Leave a comment telling me about a time you got rejected. What happened? Where were you? What happened? What did you say? How did it go down? Let everyone know about it and let’s start off the year with the freedom of being in a place where rejection is OK.

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

425 Responses to 4 Big Ideas That Will Change Your Love Life

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  1. N says:

    Not sure what happened. Met guy at gym. friended him on Facebook started chatting on messenger. He seemed interested flirting etc. one week later I was defriended and blocked. No explanation. Now see him at the gym and he hardly says hi. How do I get him to talk to me again

  2. rahma says:

    I had *never* approached any guy therefore had never experienced rejection. So one marriage, one divorce and two kids later as this guy and I enter into my first flirtatious banter…I high-speed into fantasies of marriage and a happily-ever-after. Then two days into our textual messaging conversation he cracks a joke about marriage.

    I blundered, I fumbled, I mumbled and made a desperate wisecrack and basically made a fool out myself. The embarrassment of how erratically high I was on adrenalin and fantasy still makes me go red! Deeply humiliated me to the core. And that guy was such a sweetheart (no sarcasm I *really* do appreciate that he was so clear) – he didnt even bother replying back. And when i did text him to congratulate him on something he had achieved he texted back: ‘I am so awesome!’

    But I am so grateful to that particular guy. He was the first guy who made me realise that I *could* be attractive and his rejection made me realise I was doing something wrong. I didnt want to be the idiot I felt. And as with each rejection it made me question everything about myself. I *loved* feeling attractive – how could i make it an attribute a part of myself?? And that search led me to Matthew and his emphasis on authenticity and the understand of oneself and of the other to make the whole magic of love real. I went in search of ‘being attractive’….and i found ‘how to love and be loved’.

    Thank you Matthew for the amazing work you and your team are doing!

  3. Kathy S says:

    I just got rejected. And god, it just always happens. Someone gets really into me. I am by my nature, standoffish, at first. I guess, yeah, I am a little hard-to-get, just how I am. I attract some incredible guys. So I don’t have a problem with attraction. Not at all. It’s when that guy finally gets through to me. And it all goes to pot. I am sensitive, emotional, and well, too giving. If ONLY I could maintain my usual stand-offish demeanor when finally I fall… well I know that’s my problem. Anyway it happened again. And I would do anything for this guy. I swear I would walk to the ends of the world for him. And he’s not even that special. And I still have a lot of other options. I guess it’s the guy who rejected you, you can’t really have, you want the most? I dunno. He was just so charming, gorgeous, friendly, sexy, raw sexuality, and cultured. He was a sommelier and god the wine he bought and served me. Anyway, he chased and chased. He was so very sensitive. It sounded like he wanted a relationship. We slept together and yep that was it. I am crazy. I know I just got, well, clingy. So he said he wasn’t interested. And I’ve pretty much agreed, he didn’t deserve someonelike me. But now I am working on a game plan for showing him I am the right girl. Yeah, I should probably just give up. And move on. But this stuff is like drugs, the one you want the most, that’s all you want. So we’ll see. I am dating a lot of other men to try to keep my mind off him. Working on getting in better shape. My plan is to show up at his new restaurant in maybe a few months, looking hot, and just being non-chalant. But being open to him. And doing my best to stay as I was, not overly into him, when I first met him. Trying to be a “cool” girl again. We’ll see how it goes. Hate being rejected. Just makes me want to show him that I am much better than he thinks I am. Oh dear, you can see the conundrum.

  4. Marie J says:

    I met a guy (in his mid 40s) about six months ago. He just broke up with his gf then. It was her who broke up with him after 6 years of being together. Now, after being friends with benefits with me, he s still not over her. They are in touch and they see each other often, which makes him feel even more heartbroken. He is almost stalking her by now, trying desperately to get her back. And here I am. Rejected. Feeling like the third one in a tango. I dont understand how is it possible that he doesnt feel my love and my kindness. I’m not insistive as I know we are not really together. But Im giving my best to him. I immediately felt attracted to this person, he wasnt a man of my dreams but certainly came closer than anyone ever before. I’m 24 by the way. Now, he told me he cannot commit to anything at the moment as he’s still dreaming of her to come back. And that’s after I gave him everything I could. I don’t feel as much pain as I used to along the way, sensing his connection to her (we only started talking about this whole thing recently, before it was my intuition and friend’s telling me they saw him with her). But I m confused how is it that he doesnt see me the way I deserve to be seen. We have so many common interests and just match perfectly. I m aware I might have made mistakes such as playing along with all of it and not trusting my intuition. So he is rejecting me now, not saying no to me explicitly but nearly. Well, this isnt a success story yet but guys it s about to be. I m moving on and although often find myself stuck in this situation back again, I m extra mega super strong and can be bigger than my own limitations. i wish him and his ex love, and let go of this situation. While I wish I could be more charming/enchanting so I could make him forget about his ex, ultimately it s him who didn t give us a chance choosing to be stuck in the past.

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  6. 2cute2b3d says:

    A guy I am interested helped me with my interviewing skills and at the time he stated his interest in me. I had not heard from him in about 2 weeks so I called him and invited him for a “Thank You” Lunch (I really wanted to see him and spend time with him), He said ” I have to check my schedule” really we all know what time lunch is! I’ve seen him and talked to him after this and he has not mentioned it at all.

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  10. Aga says:

    The best line to tell yourself about rejection:
    “I never get rejected, I just simply weed out people with poor taste”

    Works for me every time ;)

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  15. Kathie says:

    Rejection… becoming an expert at it. Online dating is the perfect training ground. I’ve read, listened to so many dating coaches and still it’s hard to online date feeling like that piece of candy in the glass window and hoping that the men will pick you.

    After 3 months and 30 first dates I finally got a second date. Now mind you all of the other ones always ended the date with, “Hey I would really like to see you again” and then never call. My “first” second date was going out fishing… we both love it and I really felt confident it went well but he was a bit quiet… of course when in nature and fishing “QUIET” is the whole idea. We got to the landing, packed it all up (I did try to help but he didn’t want me to) and we had our first kiss and strong hung… many kisses later we had to go our separate ways (both had our own vehicles) since the mosquitoes were eating us alive and he stated that we need to see each other very soon. I got home, got the cooler put away and text him that it was a excellent ending to a wonderful night… that was it. No response and it is now going on the 3rd day. I remember what I’ve been told… When you feel you want to find out what’s wrong… don’t do anything. Did I give him my value??? I believe I did. I was not going to take the passion any further on the second date and we had really had two good dates.

    we have not talked about exclusive… just way too early for that and yes him on Match every one of those days but so was I. Rejection??… yes… would I have liked a…”Just not there for me speech??” YES

    I look at it this way… I am getting out, getting experience and meeting new people… I do not get intimate with these men… I value myself way too much. If they want sex… they will have to get to know who KATHIE is first and I will then let them into the intimacy. Frustrating for women also guys…;)

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  17. Kristi says:

    Hello Matthew,

    I was with my ex boyfriend for three years, and one night before our vacation to meet his family, he broke up with me. His answer was balancing school and me at the same time was simply not working. I had an hour with him that night and have not seen him since,as that night he left out of state and two days later I packed my stuff and moved back home to California, as I was in Arizona. This guy simply avoids any confrontation at all costs, and our break up was completely a surprise to me. I still love him so very much, and right when I think I am moving on, I’m not sure I can. Is there anything I can do or say that will work in my favor for him to give us another shot or should i simply move on? All I can think of is all of the good, it most definitely outweighed the bad in our relationship. We really were perfect for each-other, I am so ready for love! Thanks in advance!

  18. Lisa says:

    Let’s see, there’s a lot of them!
    The funniest one was a guy in a bar wearin a really ugly sweater who told me he wasn’t interested because my shirt wasn’t “family friendly!”
    Then recently I guy I was planning a date with suggested we paint my bedroom this color I like. When I rejected that idea in leiu of getting a coffee, he ended up canceling, telling me he looks for signs that magic lies this way or that and good tidings. Ok I guess there wasn’t magic with me!
    So instead I went out with this other guy that night and had a lovely good time. If he rejects me at some point I’ll try to be happy about it like Matt suggests… I guess it’s just freeing me up for another guy. Time to get comfortable with rejection because I’d rather have that than not take chances!

  19. Sophia says:

    Hi Matthew,

    This is the story from my first real rejection. I never took a risk before in my life with a guy, always waited until he told me his feelings, before I’ve done anything.

    I got rejected last week from a guy I was dating for a period of time. It all started in November. We went on two dates, everything was great. But then the preparation time for the exams started and he had no time anymore, was stressed and he was never good in communication via text message or internet. We’re in the same sports team so I see him twice a week. He kind of started to ignore me more and more until I asked him 3 weeks later if he actually still want to see me or not. He said yes of course and we went on a third date. It was great.
    He already started to talk about getting something for my birthday in end of march and we were always talking about quit private and very personal stuff. We also got intimate every time, but no, he is not that kind of guy. Actually he was quite inexperienced compared to me. The Christmas came and we both went home and I haven’t seen him for over 3 weeks. The communication was bad during this time. I tried to stay in contact with him, but it was hard.

    The next time we saw each other was in sport again begin of January. He kind of ignored me again and I got frustrated and texted him that we need to talk, asked him if he realized that I think he is great and I would like him but his behaviour would confuse me and I have no idea what I’m on with him. He told me he thought about us but don’t want to say anything until he came to a conclusion. The next week we had no contact, but there were a few things I wanted to tell him, so I wrote a letter due to the fact that I have a handwritten poem from him, that he gave me because I liked it when I saw it. I gave him the letter a week after my last message and waited. I really don’t like showing my emotions to others, if I don’t know theirs and this letter was one of the bravest things I’ve ever done cause it cost me a lot to hand it to him. Actually I tried it three times before I made it.

    We’re living in the same building now and on the way home last week he tried to talk to me and needed 10 minutes to tell me in front of the elevator that the way he treated me was not okay, that I deserve something better. That he thinks he don’t want a relationship at the moment and that his grandfather died over Christmas.
    A week before he told me that he failed in two of his exams and that if he fails them again in August he probably can’t come back to university. He also told me that he rejected a girl a few weeks ago, because of me, because he had the feeling there was something between us. But he has no idea what, he can’t name it which is weird for him. So he asked me if I’m okay with being friends. I said yes, but he didn’t believed me and started to ask if I’m sure cause my eyes would be red. I was really okay in that moment. I liked him a lot but he never gave me enough attention/put enough effort in this to make me fall for him. He is quit a passive person, but I still like him and would love to date him again. I know his live is complicated at the moment and I’m not even convinced we fit to each other. However I would still like to give it a try, but I guess that won’t happen the next time.

    At least I learned that to take a risk and getting rejected is okay.

  20. Giu says:

    Hi Matt!

    It’s a great idea…. getting used to rejection, in order to taking risks.

    So, just to comment on MY rejections, let’s start with the fact that I’m overweight and always have been, so I’ve had to handle rude jokes from kids (kids are quite cruel) ever since I was one, so I have quite a lot of experience in that field, fortunately, cause it helped me grow a lot, and understand many things while getting older.

    I remember this one time I was at a dance and I was dancing with a boy, then all of the sudden comes a girl (who apparently didn’t like me) and tells him something and they look at me and start to laugh.
    After that, I was 15 and I liked this guy with whom I had a sort of a friendship, when I told him (through chat) what I really felt, he said ‘ you sould’ve tolde me earlier’, plus a friend of mine got involved in this whole ‘thing’ and this guy told her once, that if she didn’t like him he could always run to me and do whatever he wished with me.
    Few years later, met this guy online, dated once, and whenever I mentioned a second date he said he couldn’t.

    I also had to go through a rough period when I was a teenager, cause I could never fit in any group -cause all the people at those groups always kept me out of everythingt- ill I got to uni.
    Whenever I go out I can ocassionaly hear people’s jokes about my weight (specially when I go to clubs).

    But I think it’s about how you handle things and how you choose to look at life. In the end, the only one who will be with you till the very last moment in your life is you.

    Hey! Now I think about it, it’s a very good way of letting go of any previous burdens, by writing it down.

  21. Kris says:

    Hi

    Engaging video!

    Best rejection from a girl ever: “I would love to stay the night, but I have to leave now, because at midnight my bicycle turns back into a pumpkin”

    Best job rejection: “We have chosen to give the job to someone, who is even better qualified than you”

    :-)

  22. Katrina says:

    Hi Matthew,

    Thanks for your insight, as always! Great ideas for life, not just dating! :)

    I am a natural at meeting people, approaching them, starting conversations, etc. Friends and family constantly are floored by the way that I am able to walk into a room with 25 people and come out with 25 friends.

    That being said, I HAVE NO GAME! The moment I think a guy that I like is into me, I crash and burn. I am such a forward and honest person that I have to remember that people in general like a little mystery and intrigue! Very hard for an open-book gal like me!

    Anyway, my story: I had to take my car to the auto shop for repairs a few years ago, and had the car rental place send someone to pick me up. The guy who drove my rental to the shop was way cute, super nice and very much flirting with me. He was gazing into my eyes, smiling at me non-stop, flirting, etc. He ended up taking me back to the shop to pick up my car the next day, too – same story with the flirting. So the next day, I called his office and asked him if he wanted to get a drink. He responded, and I quote “No, thanks, but if you ever want to rent another car, give me a call.” WOW! Really, that happened! I was hurt, a little irritated and confused (um, why the giving me “goo goo” eyes then???).
    It took me about a week to not feel embarrassed about it, but I never had to see him again, so I got over it. Now, in hind sight, that is one FUNNY way to get dissed! I laughed out loud just typing this up!
    Hope all is going well for you! Congrats on the show and the book – and your “US Tour”! Hope to see you at one of your shows in the east (crossing my fingers for Pittsburgh, PA or Cleveland, OH).
    All the best,
    Kat

  23. De'Ann says:

    Went out to dinner with a guy that I’d met at a party. His brother came along because he was the one with the car. I had more in common with brother who was driving, more than my actual date. My actual date turned out to be very obnoxious and rude. A few days later, I made a very bold move and called the brother who had the car. I told him that I liked his brother as wild friend to party with, but not as someone I could date. I then told him that I thought the two of us hit it off pretty well and that I would like to have lunch or coffee sometime. He said that it would be cool with him but that I should not expect much more as he had a girlfriend. Sweetest rejection ever! I never saw either one of them again, but I’m glad I made the choice to speak up!

    • De'Ann says:

      Just wanted to add that rejection should not be taken personally. Know your worth and the sting won’t be so bad. I get rejected by my current boyfriend and we’ve been in a very committed relationship for 7 years now. Sometimes we are the ones doing the reject-ING! Right?? I’m sure there are other people out here who feel the sting of us rejecting them. Just sayin’…

  24. Clair de Lune says:

    Hi Matthew, I have definitely made rejection my new best friend these last couple months! I decided to re-connect with a guy I dated in the past just recently. All I did was wish him a Happy New Year to re-connect with him. His response was: I’m in a relationship; loose my number! I told him he could have been less rude in his response & then he decided to cuss me out! I then decided to ignore him & he proceeded to send me some more texts. I wished him well after he cussed me out & did not reply to his last text message. Not sure if he is really in a relationship. You think he would stop texting me on a Saturday night if he has a girlfriend to spend time with after I decided to ignore him! I’m proud of myself that I didn’t stoop down to his level & start cussing him out! I also realized i shouldn’t waste a second on a rude & disrespectful guy. So my friend rejection got my back this time! =)
    Shine on,
    M

  25. Amelia says:

    Hi Matthew,

    I was rejected few months ago by a coworker…:( when I started working with him, he was very close with a female coworker, so I thought they were together. I later learn that she has a boyfriend and he was single.

    After a month there I started having strong feelings for him. I had the feeling that he feels the same. It was close to valentine ,so I said “if we don’t find a date for valentine, then we can go on a date.” He smiled and one of my other coworkers said that would look weird (he is white and im indian). He looked tense so i then apologise saying I was joking, and would only date an indian guy. I later reallise when others around, he would be mean and rude but let alone he would be nice…

  26. Diana says:

    Hi Matthew! Everything you say is everything I need to do but I still get very intimidated by people that I don’t take action. I come up with so many excuses for myself and I don’t know why. Well I think it’s because I do fear rejection a very lot. And I’m glad you talked about it. It’s one of the things that has kept me from possibly being with someone that I was attracted to. I will definitely make it a resolution of mine to face it this year. To answer the question, I mostly get rejected by guys when I tell them I’m saving myself for marriage. They say they want to get to know me, but they act that they’re ok with my standard, take my number, and never contact me. All the time. My last boyfriend broke up with me because he couldn’t hold it any longer. It makes me wonder, is there not one guy out there who can hold it?? or maybe I’m just in a city that doesn’t have them. But I love where I live, LA, and I’m not willing to move. It’s a bit frustrating. So that’s the biggest rejection I get, hopefully I can find someone who is willing to respect that and want that for himself as well.

  27. Arunima says:

    I was rejected after being neck-deep in a relationship for 7 years. Firstly, the world went back for me, I absolutely lost track of time and my activities for a while. It took me months to be able to start talking about it with even my best friends. But its been a while that I am totally over him and realized how much of stress that relationship had put on me.
    I feel much better now, but surprised to see myself become skeptical while dating this new guy, and seem to be a little too cautious than I should be.

  28. sam says:

    Your video makes sense about creating value. I do this already and have been rejected twice now for being great and wonderful. I have found that being great and wonderful scares men off too. Its hard being rejected like this, but I am thinking now that its the men who are the ones with the problems, and they just don’t know a good thing when they have it.

    • R says:

      Thank you Sam for sharing. Same happened to me last week… Rejected because of being too perfect…
      They say it has to do with the low self-esteem of the man. But anyway it’s painful…
      The thought that really helps to overcome it is “He just doesn’t know what he has rejected. He is not a guy for me as I need a confident man that feels good near strong and interesting woman.”
      Thank again, hope it goes well…

  29. Astrid says:

    I used to have a big ex problem, we were togethet for many years and after the brake up, we got back together a few times. the last time we were kind’a dating he desappeared…from earth… O_O WTF?? who does that??!! useless pig!
    At this point, he better keep hidden, or else i’d rip his head off.

    that was like the worst rejection EVER.
    i can’t take rejection and i don’t know how other people do.

  30. Jackie says:

    A guy I had been chatting to for a long time cancelled 2 dates and a third was planned. He sent a text the evening before saying that he was cancelling so that he could have a date with someone else instad, that she was more his age and that he wanted to give love a chance. I told him I thought he was very rude to cancel any date so he could see someone else, and told him he was an arse. I value honesty, but really this was taking it too far. I was not disappointed at the date being cancelled- it was half expected anyway- but it was the reasons for the cancellation, the complete lack of apology and the sheer arrogance of the man that angered me. Needless to say, love did not work out between him and his other date, he has messaged me saying he kicks himself over the lost chance and, as far as I am concerned, he has burned his bridges.
    I don’t get hurt over rejections on the whole, unless they do the big silence thing and don’t have the manners to at least let you know. It’s because you end up having a week or more of wondering. Much better for people to just say they don’t want to see you any more, then you can adjust and get on with things.

  31. Tracey says:

    Hi Matthew,

    I was rejected recently on an online dating website. The guy said that my pictures just weren’t doing it for him. I was initially offended, but then I thought it’s ok and just let it go. I thought to myself, I’m not his type and really that’s ok. I’m not for everyone and everyone is not for me. And he is making room for the right guy. At that point, I was ok.

    Thank you for all of your wonderful advice, it has really been helpful to me!

    Tracey

  32. Diane says:

    so now that I put myself out for rejection… and got it. how do you deal with it??????????

  33. Haney says:

    Hi Matthew!

    I was rejected few months ago. I met this guy during a trip and I straight away liked him. We bumped into each other several times during parties and I decided to ask him out on a date. We had fun that day but after the first date we stopped talking. I’ve tried talking to him again but he ignored me completely. It was painful but I’ve decided to move on. I’m still working on that though

  34. NNN says:

    Hi!
    – This isn’t a rejection story but I just wanted to let Matthew know:

    I love you’re advice, thanks a ton! Because of you the comfort in myself and my confidence has gone up. I thought this would help with relationships but it made my self-confidence go up a ton. I can’t thank you enough. I’m still working on it but I have gotten so much more confident im myself – I want to thank you. :D Thanks!

  35. Julia says:

    I don’t know if you can call this a rejection, but it’s the only one I can think of right now: I remember when I was about six years old, there was this guy I had a crush on and saw every summer on vacation. Probably this sounds weird, but one day I couldn’t wait any longer, so I just called on the phone asking him if he wants to marry me. I could tell it was overwhelming for him. His answer: “I have to think about it.” His voice didn’t sound very convincing though and we never got married- Haha! Still I think his answer was pretty good for a 6-year old :)

  36. Brenna says:

    Hey Matthew,
    So this New Years I went to a friend’s party. I was having fun, mingling and hanging out with everyone, couples and singles alike. I had a few drinks so I was definately relaxed, probably too relaxed. I was talking to my friend that was hosting the party and jokingly asked her when she was going to set me up with someone. She said there was a guy at the party that she wanted me to talk to. She pointed him out so I made a mental note that I would eventually make my way over to his area, if the opportunity presented itself. I eventually got impatient, waiting for him to be alone, and I saw him looking through pictures of people who were at the party (it was a party game). I went over and said, “Oh! I want to see if I am in here.” So he and I looked through the pictures, he was very sweet and engaging, and then he just kind of went back to his friends and started chatting with them. Later that evening, I was talking with some friends and he sat at a chair near me and started texting someone. I looked over at him and thought, oh what the hell. I put my hand on his shoulder and said, “I just want you to know you’re a sexy guy. The booze is helping me tell you that, but I just thought you should know.” He smiled and said thank you, apologized saying he had to finish his text, that is was important, and I said, “Yeah, no worries,” and went back talking to my friends. Later that night, he went up to one of my other single friends and started talking to her.
    So moral of the story, I understand that I was an idiot that night, but I learned from it. I can’t force something to happen and I can’t get impatient. My friend that got hit on by this guy knew he was available, but didn’t even try persuing him. Lately, she has been focusing on working on herself and not worrying about relationships. I admired her for not trying with this guy and just letting whatever happens to happen. I let my worry and impatience get the better of me, and the intoxication factor did not help in the least. So to conclude from my little experience, don’t chase the guy, let him come to you, and gin is not your friend when you are trying to make a good first impression. Good luck to you all! Your ideal man is out there!

  37. Jacqueline says:

    The one time I put myself out there, it turned out that my Spanish dancer friend was also interested in the same guy. Didn’t feel like I could compete, so I told her she could have him.

    He ended up disappointing her though. It messed her up a bit and I’m not happy about that… But I feel like i dodged a bullet. I believe he’s also into drugs now too! Glad it never happened!

    – Jacqueline

  38. Lis says:

    Hello there
    I took rejection so very badly as a teen taking years to come to terms with the end of 2relationships, even the grief extending into my marriage.
    After that 24 year relationship ended instigated by him, I was excited to have the rest of my life before me and to have dodged a bullet for the next 40! I was also shattered and damaged from the dynamics within that relationship.
    I wasn’t ready to pick a man for life but after 18 months, my body reminded me that although extremely happy some corners in my life could do with rounding.. I began to date men from a dating site-something I would never have believed that I would have considered. I chose route this as I live in a tiny community and didn’t want a reputation for not settling!
    I met some fantastic men , some 20 years younger (not chosen because of that!) all bright and with a twinkle in their step and a spark and a brilliance about them. I was stunned at the response to me. I can see now that it was because we all shared an honesty about what we were seeking and now I have a clearer idea about what I would like in a partner. I had to reject many, and did not always do this in the best way, so I learnt to be direct and sensitive, rather than spare feelings which caused confusion. This was so hard and so good for me. I had a pattern of choosing unavailable for long men who were off travelling in a few months but that suited me at the time. In my social circle I was aware also that I was oozing attraction???? A man took me aside and said you are just so happy and straight and confident and kind and I want to be with you for that . This tied in with the advice from you that I keep dipping into , to be oneself , to not play games, assert boundaries,if I did feel rejected on any level I chose to dilute that feeling with pleasurable attention from new dates or to be amongst fun friends and not dwell on what I may not be able to change . I have a lovely group of new male friends and recently, very recently, have become exclusive with a very appealing man. I will let you know how that goes.
    Lis xx
    Corrnwall uk

  39. Lindsay says:

    Happy New Year Matthew & thanks for sharing this video. The rejection I remember cleary was from 2007. Me and my ex were having a time -out but we were still having sex together. I still had feelings for him and was so desperated to have him back. I shared my true feelings, even wrote him a letter but he rejected me. I felled like my world was tumbling down. It took me almost 6 months to get over him. The thing is now that he is the one pursueing me, but not for what I want. Because he has a girlfriend & child now and only wants to have sex with me. For me that’s a sign to be grateful that we didn’t hook up again.

  40. Vikki says:

    Hey Matt, as always brilliant video and great advice – 2013 is already a year of a magic as created by me! :-)

    Rejection and I are firm friends – both in the receiving and giving. And in both I try to be graceful, although sometimes that gets missed in the mess of feelings etc.

    The most memorable story for me was about 5 years ago. I was working up in Newcastle so got the train each Sunday evening to get there for the week … that particular day 2 police officers were sat at my table and we spent the 4 hour journey chatting/laughing lots. Exchanged names etc and a quick hug as we went to our seperate taxi’s on arrival in the Toon.

    I built up courage over the week and phoned to leave a message at his work place for him to call me. He did. We had a chat and a laugh and then I asked him if he wanted to go out for a drink some time …

    His response “on a date or just as a friends?”

    My reply “well ‘date’ is kind of American but ok”

    To which he replied: “I don’t know how you missed this in 4 hours of conversation Vikki, but I am gay!” …

    I cracked up laughing and said “oh well, thems the breaks”. We talked further that day and agreed to catch up soon. We continue to be friends now and go out on “dates” whenever we are in each other’s cities. Last time we were out in Soho together we got stopped at a bar by the bouncer to explain to us that it was a gay bar … he had to point out that was fine with him ;-) So, I’m not the only one who gets confuddled!

    Looking forward to more fabulousness and laughter,
    Vikki

  41. Desiree says:

    I have been rejected loads of times… but I reject a lot as well. From the past few months I have rejected about 5 guys because I don’t feel attracted to them. I know this is wrong. In my past love life, guys never seem to take me seriously and that’s when I used to get rejected all the time. Its complicated.
    By the way I really like all the advice you give, I have put them in practice and I guess that really helped getting those guys after me haha, I just haven’t found the one I like.

  42. Mary McAndrew in Honolulu.HI says:

    I think I might have been rejected, but who really cares? If some random guy rejects me, he never had a chance anyway, so I really wouldn’t know! Guys are not a necessity for women. Plus, players and goofball sleaze-oids are too common. No one pays attention to them! A woman can’t be rejected by someone who can’t pass the audition to begin with. And as far as “chasing men” goes, that’s idle entertainment and pointless as such, but it’s more adrenaline-addicting than video games so that’s probably why women might do it. “Chasing men” is THE guaranteed way to “get rejected”.

    • Mary McAndrew in Honolulu.HI says:

      Because “chasing men” is so very effective in making them go away and never bother you again, I will admit to “chasing” a few guys just to make them go away! It works like a charm! I recommend it for the super-jerk dudes in your life!

  43. Bailey says:

    I recently go rejected by a guy I was briefly dating. Now this has happened before and usually I can deal with the rejection pretty well. I just close that door and move on. However, dating your workout coach was probably not the best way to get over that rejection. He felt that I was getting to “clingy”, even though he initiated everything. So while our dating ended my workouts of course did not. It’s a class setting so I don’t have to interact too closely with him. Seeing him every week makes closing the rejection door harder than others before. We get along and there is no awkwardness going on in the gym, but the situation is somewhat comical. Still have some lingering feelings, but trying to just focus on myself and working out for the year ahead. He still flirts, but initiates nothing outside of the gym like before. Sometimes I think of changing gyms, but that just seems like running to me and he’s great as a coach. Those can be hard to find. Thought this story might help some people. But if anyone has any advice on how to deal with rejection when you have to repeatedly see your “rejector” after the fact, that’d be great! Thanks!

  44. Devin says:

    I had a daily walk to class with this guy I sort of new and had a lot of similarities with him, and also was very attracted to him. One day I gathered the courage to ask him if he wanted to hand out and he jumped on the chance! Of course I was excited and we exchanged numbers but I was waiting for something to come up or for him to text me to hang out. Well a week went by and I got nothing but a few texts that I had initiated and gotten a response. So me and my friends were out at a bar and saw him there. I was excited and went to go talk to him. He seemed very disinterested so I was getting realy bummed. So finally he said he was sorry for leading me on and didn’t want to be that guy but after he said yes he thought about it and changed his mind. At first I was like well ok gee thanks, but at least he was honest. It bothered me for a long time because I kept thinking he never actually gave me a chance. But we had our daily walks to class and everything was fine. So eventually I got over it and decided it was a waste of time to try for someone who isn’t looking for anything. Then one day he told me a story about how he went to a bar for this one girl and all she said all night was hey and went off with her friends. That moment I decided he wasn’t looking for a girl like me but was chasing after someone who wasn’t into him. And from then on I let it go and forgot about him because.

  45. Sarah says:

    Well it wa when I was in Highschool. I was really into a guy and put lots of effort in and I thought it was going well, however after I had done the work of getting his phone number he went out with my friend. Maybe not really a direct rejection but maybe it still counts? I do have to say that after that I didn’t really go up to people to ask because I didnt want to get hurt. I just watched the situation and actually wanted the guy to make a move, however thats also not really easy.
    Thanks for everything. Have a good week :)

  46. Jane says:

    I remember being alone with a guy i like, and then I told him how I felt, we’d known each other for ages, and I felt we had great chemistry. I don’t understand what I’d done wrong!

  47. noname says:

    I’ve been rejected loads of times, its so unfair! How do I get a guy to not reject me.

  48. Anomynous says:

    Ages ago at school, we had a test in a subject (RE). There was this really cute boy in my class, so at the end of the lesson we went out and he was walking behind me. I asked him what he got, but he said he didn’t know. I did have to repeat the question, but I was embarrassed and ran off because I was embarrassed because he didn’t continue the conversation. Maybe it was because I ran off? :( I just felt like he didn’t want to talk to me. Is this rejection? How could I try talking to him again.

  49. btcrb says:

    hi matthew i think right now i am about to be rejected, i cannot gather up enough courage to ask this guy about his concert the next day, whether he really put me on the guestlist as he promised and..actually am quite scared to go to the concert as such since.. we havent seen each other for two months, the last time we saw each other he kind of tried to kiss me but i never saw that potencial in him since he is quite older than i am, and automatically probably from being afraid i just gave him a kiss on the cheek. since then we have been chatting a bit and i really started to see him in that light but i dont know how to decently signal it and it seems as if he is okay with being just friends.. so tomorrow we are about to see each other (if i dont back out..) but there will be tons of his friends and i dont think we are going to spend more than few minutes together but.. i still feel kind of pressure i put on myself since i havent seen him for so long and dont quite know how to act, everything just seems like i am going to fail and be boring or awkward only because of that build up, i know im not supposed to be building things up but how do i stop doing that? nothing seems to help..

  50. Gaby says:

    Last year I was rejected from a guy I was not that keen on. We met through online dating and he was really was not my type at all, but he seemed nice and maybe someone different was exactly what I needed.
    After a few dates we went to the cinema and considering I had not be with anyone in months, when he leaned in for a kiss I didn’t stop him. And we spent a lot of the rest of the weekend together.
    3 days later he confessed to me that a female friend he had been interested in for a long time, had just let him know that she had the same feelings for him, so he couldn’t continue to see me. It was all over before it began!
    The hardest part to deal with was the actual rejection and ego beating I got from the experience and not so much the loss of him.

  51. Geneviene says:

    Hi Matthew,

    that was a great video to start the year! Absolutely useful

    In 2011 I received several rejections to my applications to various vet schools in the UK and Australia. It is my dream to become a veterinarian, and I was fresh out of college. I was very disheartened, but did not give up.

    Eventually I applied to Massey University in New Zealand, and had to go through a stressful, intense selection semester in the first half of 2012. After months of hard work, I finally made it into the vet programme of the university and fulfilling my longtime dream at last.

    This year will be my returning year to vet school, and there is not a day that goes by that I am thankful I did not take rejection so harshly, but embraced it and fought for my own life goals

  52. Whitney says:

    I’ve never been rejected by a guy as far as dating goes, but then again I’ve never actually been on a date even though I’ve been asked out before! I know there are good guys out there, its just that none of them seem to live where I do, or they are already taken, or the most frequent problem is they just want “one thing!”
    I’ve only really liked a handful of guys, and I do fear rejection, but mainly because I’m scared I will lose them as a friend. If they were important enough to catch my eye, I certainly don’t want to lose them as a friend because they got weirded out when I told them I like them, or I tried to flirt with them.:( Advice, please?!!

  53. Lucy says:

    I have been rejected recently because the man wanted me only for sex but led me on to get it. So I was a victim of the ‘pump and dump’. However my rejection is really nothing compared to my friend’s recent experience.

    She had been dating her bf for 5 and a half years. Then he went abroad to spend a year in Canada. She was due to meet him in Toronto for a visit after a few months. They had planned a trip travelling around Canada when she arrived. She got off the plane after a long-haul flight and excitedly greeted him, only to be faced with a bombshell. He told her that he had fallen for another woman and that he was going to spend time with her. She tried travelling on her own but couldn’t face it and got back on a plane after a day or so.

    It was hard for her but she’s doing a lot better now. She says that that experience is going to be the making of her.

  54. Eleeza E Jones says:

    I wrote all that above and forgot to mention the actual time when I was rejected, by a man, of course.

    The first time was when I fell in love with a boy at school, we were both 13. I had no idea how to flrit with boys and being autistic, I was already different. So for the next 6 years, I wrote him love poems, called him on the phone, stalked him everywhere – actually followed him and his friends at a distance, believing they did not notice me – they did and made humiliating comments but I just put up with it because I was obsessed with him.

    One day I called him and told him that I was very unhappy and took some pills because I didn’t want to live any more (I lied, but its the only way to keep him on the phone because he d otherwise put the phone down on me) and because he was a medical student, he really cared and insisted to meet me to talk to me and try and help.

    He walked me home after learning that I didn’t take that many pills (maybe a few paracetamols, which was stupid thing to do, but wasn’t lethal dose) and as he was leaving to go back home, I shouted after him, ‘I love you ! Please, come back !’

    He came back and said: ‘Don’t say that. Just don’t’, looked really annoyed and walked away. My heart was broken.

    After that, I couldn’t bare to live in the same city any more and left Russia. I actually came to UK (in 1990) to ‘make something of myself’, to prove to him that he rejected a worthy human being…

    but all these years later – 22 years have passed and I saw things from a different perspective…. well, I’m happy to say I don’t care any more. I stopped caring after the first ten years !

    I have seen him since – he has changed a lot ! He drinks, he doesn’t look happy, he stoops when he walks, he s put on weight and he doesn’t act with confidence…. I don’t know what’s happened to an arrogant, self assured confident boy he once was…. his wife has left him and he is still a doctor but he relies on Vodka a little too much

    yest, time and time again since then, whenever anyone has rejected me in any way, men, I would fall madly in love with them. If they are nice and treating me with respect and actually show they care – I feel nothing. I reject them and in a most cruelest of ways…. with no remorse

    Rationally, I know I must change, but I wish I knew, how

    Maybe, Matthew, you would consider doing something on this topic ?

    Why do some people feel attraction towards people who reject them?

  55. Eleeza E Jones says:

    Matthew, thank you for the wonderful work you do, helping women everywhere have the loving relationships they want and helping them build self confidence and welf worth. You have helped me a great deal. You are the best we have in United Kingdom and it’s about time, because nobody teaches people, women especially, about relationship dynamics, not at school and definitely, not the media… women and girls have to learn the ‘hard way’… and sometimes, they never learn because they just give up….

    I’ve been rejected many times in my life, first by the schoolkids in my class who bullied or avoided me (I have a form of autism – Asperger’s syndrome which I now understand is the major cause of communication problems I’ve always had) and then by men…

    I’ve also been rejected by my Mother who went from one extreme of mollycoddling me to completely ignoring me while smoking and drinking because of her own issues… my father was very successful in his career but drunk most of the time so he was NEVER PRESENT which is another form of rejection…

    Feeling of being rejected, in fact, was so familiar to me that it had become my automatic ‘to go to’ emotion whenever things went wrong…. and when they did right, I now believe I actively chose the kind of people I knew would end up rejecting me, and they did !

    I hate to admit that, but part of me sadistically enjoyed the feeling of pain in the pit of my stomach whenever I’ve been or felt rejected, because it felt like HOME.

    Maybe, my messed mind confused feeling rejected with feeling loved, as that’s the only way my parents made me feel, that I even existed.

    Having autism makes it hard for me to get in touch with and process my emotions as it is, but I am trying and with comprehension and learning, from great teachers like you Matthew, on things like relationship dynamics and how men think and what are their emotional triggers – things are definitely looking up !!

    I have a relationship with someone really dear to me and although not everything is perfect, I feel hopeful that it will work out.

    It would be mad doing the same things and expect different results so I am open to learning as much as I can and do things differently.

    Thank you, Matthew and God bless you for doing what you do and for getting better and better at your job (or shall I say, your CALLING) because I have noticed in the last 2 years I ve been following your work that even you are learning and becoming better, and so we are who learn from you.

    I know that what you do comes from your heart, I sense how much passion you have for helping people make their lives better, to make it possible for them to feel happinees and joy that a good communication and deep meaningful connection with another human being brings.

    You provide the tools and the bridge for that connection to be possible.

    Keep on changing this world to be a better and happier place, one podcast, one article, one live appearance at a time, Matthew !!

    You are an amazing human being !!

    THANK YOU DO MUCH

    Have a wonderful New Year and may a good wind catch your sails (sory, don’t know how to translate it better from Russian)

    Eleeza (Ezra) Jones
    Aspie Girl

  56. Shelby says:

    Hey! Everyone is beautiful! Skin colour shouldn’t matter! If that guy wasn’t into you because your skin, then he doesn’t deserve you. It’s like saying you don’t like someone just because they’re blonde.
    You’re beautiful! <3

  57. mica says:

    I got rejected last year. I really like this guy but she had a girlfriend so obviously I did not make any move. After a few months, I had this news that they broke up. What I did was be there for him as a friend. I did not make any move because I want him to move on. It would be unfair if I take advantage of the situation. My friends knew that I like him. Then suddenly, few weeks later, I realized that something is going on between him and my friend. My friends told me that maybe the girl was just being nice since the guy got into a break up. But for me, it was different.
    So I texted him. I asked him if he and that girl is into a relationship. At first, he does not want to answer my question and keeps on asking me why. I had no choice but to express my feelings. And I told him that if there is something going on between them, then I will be out of scene. He told me that he’s sorry but he likes the girl. Probably I was too late. But I realized what made him attracted to the girl is because the girl can go out anytime of the day. Unlike me that I have to go home right after school. There’s no problem of my attitude because the girl and I are both of the “boyish” type. I’m straight and she’s bi. So I guess spending time as much as possible with him is the reason why he got attracted.

  58. Princess says:

    Ok so my rejection story doesn’t involve a man but involves a dream. A while ago I applied to Oxbridge and didn’t get in and it was heart breking – a dream shattered and yet out of the tatters of this shattered dream emerged joy. I ended up going to a uni I was very happy at and where I met an amazing group of friends, that I never would’ve met at Oxbridge!!! ( and very likely would have struggled with the lack of social time at such an institution). A word of encouragement where a door closes a window opens!!! lol

  59. Emi says:

    Hi Matt!
    I really loved this video. It’s so true in any are of life that if you aren’t afraid of being rejected, you’ll allow more great things to come. So I got rejected by a male friend that I confessed my feelings to. Now he seemed polite and said he wanted to maintain our friendship even though he was dating someone else. However, in public he would always ignore me, as if I wasn’t there. I realized that he wasn’t that good of a friend to begin with, and I did the ultimate relationship ender..I deleted him on facebook! I felt I had to because I didn’t want to be fake and pretend that we were still “cool” on the web, when in reality he would treat me like a leaper in our daily encounters.
    Well that’s pretty much it, but I still wish we could have stayed friends and avoided this awkwardness.
    P.S. I told him over facebook!

  60. Leanne says:

    Hiya :) thank you for all of your advice and i am definitely going to use your ideas to change my life this year!
    Well last year (2012) was quite a big year for rejection for me, it happened on numerous occasions but the main (and first time) happened like this: I met this guy at college and got to know him really well, we met up loads of times and things like that. things gradually escsalated and we began flirting more and more and it honestly seemed like we were meant to be together so i thought one day after meeting up with him that i would text him (i know, very cowardly but hey) and express my feelings for him and see where he wanted to take things. He turned round and said that he had never wanted anything more than a friendship (when i know for sure i was not misreading the signs) but that he wanted to stay friends with me. I was at home at the time staying with my dad so i just went up to my room and cried. i cried and cried and cried, constantly. This was in may and i havent spoken to him since. I tried, oh boy did i try, but he was having none of it. 2 weeks after that happened he turned up with a new girlfriend. It hurt be gradually i got over it, especially when in september i met this great guy with whom i got into a relationship with only to have him cheat on me when he was away in the army… Yeh i now, not the best luck but hey, 2013 is MY year! The same goes for all you other women on here, THIS YEAR IS OUR YEAR, LETS TAKE IT BY THE HORNS!!! :D

  61. Sunny says:

    Hi Matthew,

    I have a question that is perhaps somewhat related to rejection… I have been dating someone for about 6 months. It has become a meaningful relationship, it is healthy, and we care deeply for one another, yet we haven’t confessed our love or anything like that at this point.

    There is just one thing that keeps bothering me. He still has hundreds of photos of him and his ex-girlfriend on Facebook of them on trips, kissing, looking happy and in love. He was in a three year relationship with her, and that was the only time he has ever been in love. I told him after a couple months that it annoyed me he still had those photos up, especially the ones where they are kissing or laying in bed together- yuck! He still hasn’t taken them down.

    I don’t want to be a nag, and I know it is partially my fault for looking at the photos. But at what point is it disrespectful to me and our relationship that he still has these photos of him and his ex online for everyone to see? Since our relationship is still fairly new, I’m not sure if we’re there yet- the point where I can be adamant about this without seeming totally insecure. I’m not sure how to approach this, because it seems I can’t stop torturing myself by just knowing these photos are there, and I can’t resist looking at them from time to time. I don’t want to obsess about this, but it is bothering me. What should I do? Thanks ever so much!

    • Chekeitha says:

      Wow that’s an awesome question Sunny. I would love to see a video from Matthew on this! I had the same problem with this except kind of in reverse. I dated a guy who I was madly in love with for over 2 years but he just could not deal with the fact that I had photos of a guy I briefly dated. Now let me qualify that statement. The guy I briefly dated had been my best-friend for years, I dated him for only 1 month, and then he went gay afterwards. Yes quite the doozy! But my ex still had a bad reaction whenever he saw any photos of us (from during that 1 month) and he resented how close we were. I realized over time that while I saw the other guy as only my gay bestfriend who I made a mistake and dated for a month, my boyfriend saw him as an “ex” and reacted as such. So, when IS a good time to get rid of photos? Great question!

      • Sunny says:

        Thanks, Chekeitha for your comment. Actually, my best gay friend has been my close friend for 15 years. Naturally we tried dating briefly too, but it didn’t work out, and later he came out as a gay man. We still joke that we’re going to just marry each other and have kids together someday, since we love and trust each other so much!

        I guess my current situation is somewhat delicate, because in one respect, I think it’s great that he had this previous relationship and has been in love. It has made him who he is today, and he is a great person and boyfriend. I’m not worried he wants to be with her- I know that’s not the case. In his defense, he’s not constantly messing around on Facebook worrying about things like that. But our relationship is getting to the point where my family and friends know him, and they are on Facebook too, so they can see his photos. I feel weird about it. When I broke off a 6 year relationship, I deleted a ton of photos of my ex and me looking all lovey dovey. It just seems like good etiquette… especially if you’re in a new relationship?

        I’d really love to hear Matthew’s perspective on this!!! Sorry if it’s too much of a tangent, but I didn’t know where else to ask! Thanks! xx

  62. Aliya says:

    Hi,

    English is not my mother tongue so, I am sorry for any mistakes I might make.

    I met a guy few months ago. At the beginning, he liked me but I did not because it was too soon for me, I did not know him enough by that time.
    We became good friends and got to know each other. I started liking him more than just a friend.
    I let him know about my feelings. But he just said he liked an other girl. I just said « OK »
    And then he told me : « the truth is that I like you but I can’t be in any relationship with you because you are the marrying type »

    He send me a text two hours later to tell me that to him I was special even though we were not in any relationship.

    PS : I love your videos and thank you very much for all your very useful advice. I wish you all the best for this new year :)

  63. Chantel says:

    Matthew

    First I would like to thank you for your daily letters I honestly value your advice and I’m putting it into action.

    I fell for a guy that was working with me, he was also attracted to me or so I thought. We begin flirting after a few months and after a month we were kind of seeing each other, but kept it under wraps because we didn’t want people to find out at work. In the meantime, he was chatting up another girl who works with us as well. The one day when we had a team building activity, we all went to a bar afterwards. The girl he was chatting up was also there. He’s behaviour that night was just different and I couldn’t understand why, till later that evening as we were about to go back, I realized that something was going on between the two. We all took a cab together as we live in the same area and my stop was the first so on purpose I asked him to get off with me(as usual) and he refused. He asked me what was wrong with me and why I would ask him to get off at my place. He was acting like Im crazy or something. I was really hurt, confused and embarrassed. The humilation I felt there and then, I can not begin to describe. The girls in the car laughed at me because it was obvious he had decided to go with the other girl home. The very next day he called me to apologize and give me excuses that didn’t make sense. I didn’t take him back but I feel like I need to regain my dignity. How do I do that and how can I prevent this from happening again? I think I’m bad judge of character.

  64. Renee says:

    I’ve been rejected Twice as well, once when I was in 4th grade I think – there was this guy I liked – valentines was coming up – I ended up buying him a stuffed toy – and since I wasn’t brave enough to give it to him, I gave it to his sister – the next day he came up to my desk and called me the worst name ever (I still remember the exact words he said) – it hurt – and I stopped liking him right then and there.
    The second time was when I was 19, I was in collage and one of my teachers told me (assigned me) to talk to this guy I liked (for 6yrs)(what a waste of time!) – so I did, I eventually mustered up the courage and went over there – started talking (very poorly I must say) and he NEVER once looked up at me! he kept his face to his phone and was texting someone while I was talking (he didn’t even acknowledge me!) – I left there thinking man! I am not going to do that again (I was embarrassed for a LONG time) but that did end my long crush on him for good. – I swore I would not like somebody for that long again – without ever talking to them – they will have to say something to me or vise versa – but in silence I won’t like someone for that long again unless I know there is attraction.

  65. odarya says:

    I got rejected by my best friend…. over the phone.. I once was feeling a bit too brave and told him but he didn’t like me in that way…. we continued being friends afterwards with no issues but it was killing me inside…

    a mutual friend told me that he rejected me because im dark-skinned… because im DARK.*sigh*… ever since I found out I have been having self-esteem issues as I don’t feel beautiful or pretty anymore………

    it truly hurt me and I feel unloved and unwanted.. I have lost faith in love.

    • kadiy kay says:

      I have the same problem that you do because I leave this situation now I told hem that I love hem and he didn’t say anything and that really hurt

  66. Jeff says:

    Hi, Matt!
    You’re right when you’re saying about “value”, and me personally think that it’s a very very personal thing, you know, some people just do nothing and always have a value, but some have to struggle for that. On the other part maybe those people who struggle they just do something wrong because they don’t know how to show the value in a natural way. Just thoughts.
    Thank you for advices!

  67. anna says:

    My worse rejection happen before christmas, a man that i wish to be with me been cheated me after i found out that his talking and flirting with another woman, I thought is like end of the world because i love him so much. We never had a formal breakup i just stop talking to him and sending him email. Now my life is very sad and not happy anymore :(

  68. Mercy says:

    One of the worst rejections is when a guy (or multiple guys through out the year) really hits on you at work, and comes in your work place a few times that month still hitting on you. Then all of a sudden he stops coming in, then the next time he comes its with his girlfriend!

    I know men and women like to flirt, but cone on! If you are already taken you are off the market! Frusterating but in a way, kinda funny :)

  69. Vanessa says:

    The rejection I still remember today happened when I was around 16 (twenty years ago). There was a really cute dreadlocked German exchange student at my high school. I watched him for a few weeks then just walked up to him in the stairway one day and asked him if he wanted “to do something some time”. He said “I’m doing something all the time”. I said “every day forever?” And he said yes. So I turned red and said “okay” and walked away. He told the girl he was staying with and her friends, and a lot of people knew I had hit on him, and thought I was pretty strange for doing it. After that he stared at me a lot, but I just ducked it. I remember this rejection so clearly because the whole thing was very weird. I would never just ask out a stranger today. But when I was young and full of hormones things like this seemed like a great idea! :)

  70. Steph says:

    Hi Matthew,

    Just a message to say thank you for all of the amazing advice. It really has been life changing for me. I’d like to share my story too.

    I have been rejected many times in my life, from boys I had crushes on when I was younger to guys I liked but just didn’t connect with me or appreciate me for myself and rejected me in high school and university.

    I was rejected two years ago by my french tutor who I liked for a long time, we had a date but it didn’t go too well and I ended up feeling miserable when he up and left the country with not so much as a word.

    Rejection is a pretty horrible feeling but during that time I took in a lot of your advice on youtube, your website and reading your e-book. Instead of focusing on other people, I decided to focus on myself and being the best person I could be and what I wanted to get out of life. It wasn’t easy but I felt a lot happier. Later on I was asked out by a really nice guy at my university who I met through a mutual friend of ours.

    I was very anxious at first, I was scared, worried and didn’t want to be rejected again but I had faith in myself and took the chance. I’m very happy to say that we’ve now been together for just over a year. :)
    To everyone out there who feels rejection, don’t treat it as something to feel low about, rather see each one as a pillar which will help you overcome the greater obstacles in life and add to your value as a person. Be happy and be true to yourself. :)

  71. Clara says:

    I had a an exotic romance on my travels in Bolivia, I met a guy who was quite a bit taller than me (which is rare in Bolivia as I’m 6 ft!)..
    We had amazing chemistry and had an amazing week or 2 together spending as much time together as possible..
    I went off travelling for a weekend and when I came back he said he had something to tell me.. He had met an American girl the Friday I went away and didn’t know what to do as he liked us both.. I was confident and certain he’d pick me as I really felt like we had something between us and he said he’d call me the next day to say what he’d decided.. the next day he didn’t contact me..
    I went out with my friends in the evening only to see him out with her.. I was not happy and had a massive go at him in my broken Spanish (it felt good!).. The rest of that evening I was really upset and felt so rejected but the next day I woke up and thought f*** it, his loss! There are plenty more exotic men out there for me!

  72. Shelley says:

    When I was in gradeschool. My boyfriend dumped me of 3 days for another girl in my class. I only had 2 boyfriends the other I dumped because I guess I was afraid of what would happen next. I have never had a serious relationship before and right now I really want one! So I’m not quite sure how this love thing works!

  73. Allison Buist says:

    Ok I have been single now for 4 years. I have dated now and again through this time but none of them stuck. Either they just didn’t call back or I wouldn’t sleep with them after the 3rd date so I got the “it’s nice meeting you” I admit a part of me did feel rejected, BUT I didn’t take it too hard because there was something wrong with each of these men who fell away. Either they weren’t over their ex or they drank too much, or hey they just wanted me for sex. I have recently been morning my single state but all in all I am glad that I didn’t settle for something less than I deserve. I am also happy that I still value myself enough to not compromise the way I expect to be treated just to be with someone. So still single and my value is growing every day! If they reject me I am glad that they saved me and them from wasting each others time :)

  74. Nadia says:

    Hi Matt!! I am Nadia your biggest fan in Egypt. Back at university there was this guy I really liked and we were supposed to go out after the midterms, (he used to give me signals that he is interested and likes me) anyway on the day we were gona go out he texts me just saying “Hi Nadia I don’t wana go out with you” I was stunned… a few weeks later I saw him and I said hi so cooly and left. I remember he was really stunned how well I took it…. turns out he was a jerk.

  75. Monika says:

    the feeling of rejection is one of the hardest feelings we expierience after breaking up i think. i’ve been with a guy for about 8 months and we’ve stoped seeing each other about 2 month ago. first few months have been wonderful, i had a feeling that finally he is that one i was looking for. as things happend to seem more serious i felt sometimes that my boyfriend becomes more distant and few weeks before everything ended up he seemed to pull away, saying that he’s busy so he couldn’t call or text etc.Last day we’ve seen each other he was very silent, saying just that he’s happy but feels very tired. the next day he called me as usually in the evening saying that for now he wants to stop seeing each other because he doesn’t know yet what or who he wants or when….. i was devastated… i’ve asked him to see me and talk as i didn’t want to talk out things like that by phone or via texts. he’s said that we’ll see each other soon but that has never happend. for me personally this kind of rejection is really hard and hurts so much.

  76. SARS says:

    I met a really cool guy through a mutual friend and we instantly hit it off. Within two meetings I had a massive – hearts a fluttering almost teenage crush. After a series of facebook chats and meetings including getting stuck on a mountain together on New Years Day, we finally kissed on a night out. I thought this was it, fate had dealt me an ace, finally I had found a good one – it had to be!
    Well two days of radio silence followed. My heart slowly sank until finally the guillotine fell – I got one casual text detailing how bad his hangover was after our night out. I should add a disclaimer here, he was not drunk. Burn!! Illusion shattered, wedding cancelled, mountaineering lessons for one required.

  77. kerry says:

    So…I wanted to share a massive rejection for me was with an ex who made out i was the best girlfriend ever and we were in a good place to then end it out of the blue.. 2 days later he went on holiday and i found out he was seeing an older woman, i was 26 at that time. Not long after she fell pregnant. I was devestated..it took me 3 years to fully achknowlege what i had allowed to manifest in my life..in all that time i used time productively to work on myself..today i welcome all forms of rejection and make positive healthy choices because i see my self worth in all i do..i am currently single by choice..but am ready in 2013 to face love fearlessly. Thanks Matthew for the amazing encouragement and self worth awareness you bring to woman.. my spark has re-emerged.

  78. alexia says:

    I’M SO PETRIFIED about rejection so thank you so much about these advices about it because it really helped me to open my mind!

  79. jg says:

    agh… rejection…. its a very painful but very old friend of mine :/ im visiting family in europe right now, partly to get away having been rejected right out of a job recently in LA, but rejection has followed me and been the bane of my existance for years. i won’t go through them all, b/c honestly, except for one guy in 2011, all the others i have met in the last few years have rejected me: either directly, texting me the equivalent of “thanks but no thanks”… or seeminginly interested and pursuing me and suddenly saying “oh i don’t want anything with you” or “oh well im not ready, i can’t, its not you its me” and a whole lot of other cliches that makes me sick to my stomach if i even think about it.. often though…i get a lot of indirect rejection too (disappearing) that hurts more than anything else honestly.
    the last guy was back in september… we were barely casually dating.. just getting to know eachother but seemed we had the same sense of humor, intersests, etc.. and i wasn’t even sure how into him i was but i was willing to try it out… out of nowhere , and i mean NOWHERE… the last text we shared was joking around and us laughing and goofing off…. and the next day out of the blue he just says “i don’t know i can’t explain it i just can’t do this”…
    i met a guy over new years, just over a week ago at a singles event.. older, a doctor.. and while he knows im here just temporarily, still, he took me to this new years party, showed me around the downtown NYE celebration… and we exchanged a few texts and he said how much he’d like to show me around town etc… he suddenly disappeared… no text no nothing.

    there is part of me that feels im starting to shut off to men entirely. i can’t handle it anymore.

    ive analyzed it back and forth, and alot of these rejections are radically different… but some are quite similar.. and the common denominator is always me. hence, i come to the conclusion that there is something severely wrong with me… im inherently not dateable or lacking the “relationship” gene as i call it. i have many friends, yet my last REAL relationship (that last 7 yrs) ended in 2007.

    i fell in love once since, with a sex addict/womanizer…. something i found out about well after the fact. in many ways, his “come here, go away” methods were a unqiue form of rejection that ate away at my self esteem… and it took a long time to recover.

    and yet, rejection keeps happening, and i continue losing hope that anything will ever change for me.

    it really really hurts… and im really tired of trying and putting myself out there even a little bit. i think ive lost hope. im 38 and tired of this. its demoralizing.

  80. Steph says:

    Ok this is strange but it seems to have made me feel better reading all of these so I will share mine.

    I was with a guy for about three months and he didn’t want to kiss me as he wanted to take things slow. He told me that we were casually dating but that he was only dating me…later he said he will never be ready for a relationship and three weeks later he was dating someone new haha! But I viewed that as his problem not mine…despite the fact I felt unwanted for agggess I got over it. :-)

  81. Zubi says:

    In the past 5 years I have personally approached 3 guys..all with the same name of Omar! LOL ! the name itself means: eloquent and gifted Speaker! needless to say… the first two Omars were younger than me and to this day we are close friends and we continue to share a lot of laughs.

    The third Omar, I was rejected by him in the most beautiful way–it didn’t even feel like a rejection-but it was a clear No (i’ve got to figure my life out etc.) He said, Zubi, you truly understand me and what I am going through, you make me laugh a lot, I am attracted to you- however I just came out of a relationship, am heartbroken and need to figure out my career path etc.

    One of the greatest things I have learned from all 3 rejections is that I know I am adored for who I am. I have learned that we have to fail forward to Success. Being rejected is obviously not fun, but after a few months… I would feel a huge sense of relief!! THANK GOODNESS those Omars rejected me !! It’s better to be told “No” early on than to be in a love fantasy forever !! You have to realize your heart is a huge investment- if someone says no to your investment…thats oOKAY- they just saved you a whole lot of time !!

    I am a very spiritual person and one of the Prayers that I keep praying is; “God Guide my footsteps to the right path..the right path to where my success lies, to where my husband is, to where exactly I need to be!”

    …In order for God To guide us… we have to be willing to take the steps forward !!!

  82. Nicola Gamboa says:

    I was rejected when I (embarrassedly) went to my ex-boyfriend’s house as a surprise visit and his then girlfriend was already on her way to his house. I mean that was four years ago and I still laugh at myself for behaving that way!

  83. Christine says:

    One recent time I was rejected was at work, I had this huge crush on a guy I worked with, and I managed to get him alone, and I told him “I have to tell you something.” And he said “What?” and I said, “Just that-I like you.” And he said in a joking, teasing way “We’ve been through this!” And I said, “Well, I know, but it was two years ago and I thought you might’ve forgotten.” And he didn’t really say anything. Keep in mind this is a guy with a girlfriend, but I believe that you should always speak your mind, and tell people how you feel, because we only have one life. I had already told him I liked him two years ago, and he didn’t say anything in response. So I took that to be a rejection. And this was a second rejection as well. I’m still kind of bummed about it, since I think we’re kindred spirits, but I’ve gone on with my life and been interested in other guys.

    • Christine says:

      Also, I should mention I was pretty good friends with this guy, at work at least, and I worked with him for about 3 or 4 years.

  84. Sandra says:

    I had a client that I had a big crush for. I had mixed signals from him. I wasn’t sure he liked me but I knew there was something. It went on for a few months. His employees insisted that he liked me but that he may be too shy so I decided to make a move on him. I went to his office one evening, he was there, alone. We talked business and then it got friendly and we had an excellent time. I finally got up to leave, he walked me to the building door and said goodbye. I took a few steps and then looked back at him. He smiled and said, “Oh how rude of me,” and reached down to shake my hand. In that moment, I went for it and kissed him in the lips. He kissed back. Kiss ended and I walked away without saying anything.

    I didn’t call or anything. He didn’t either. A couple of weeks later, I had to stop by his office to drop off some stuff. I wasn’t planning on seeing him since I didn’t know what to do or how to act, or what to say. The employee told me his boss had been expecting me. I said I had to but my client came out, walked me to his office and said that the kiss was excellent and sweet but that he was not in a position to fall in love. I said, “I thought you liked me?” he said, “yes, but I am not ready for marriage.” I said, “Ok” I left and just wondered what his problem was. I thought it was only a kiss but he was thinking marriage?!? strange. He is still my client but it is all business.

  85. Lisa says:

    Thanks for the amazing advice. I feel like this year is going to be – and already is the most exciting one so far. You might be interested in my new year’s resolution which is not to ever let fear stop me from something I wish to do. And I really go for it. I already see big changes in my life, which is incredible how fast it can go.
    So last week-end I finally decided to clear up a situation between me and a guy, which was really awkward the last past months and called him. So here it comes up with rejection. I thought he would think more of me than a “You are quiet OK” but I have to say, I get over this pretty fast. It’s absolutely better to have things clear so now I can move on in my love life again. I hope to meet some great guys this year, great dates but also rejections – to learn from them.

  86. kobbs says:

    I summoned the courage to call a guy I had a crush on back in college. I was visiting friends in the town where he lives so I left him a voice mail inviting him to a drink or coffee. His voice mail said he would get back to people before the end of business, but he never returned my call.
    I am disappointed – but now I can finally stop playing the “what if?” game. I don’t regret taking the risk, and as you’ve taught us – I was not afraid to look foolish, and I chose to create instead of wait.

  87. mayora says:

    Hey matthew I have been talking to this guy on facebook for a while and he had shown me that he cares and wants to be with me but when he went to the usa to finish school everything changed because he used to love talking to me everyday for 5 or six hours and he told me everything about himself and his family , his past relationships I mean everything but I font know what happened now like we barely talk once a week ?? What does that mean ??? And he can’t be that busy !! But its like I love him so I can’t really just let go and move on before letting him know !! So what do you think matt of him ? Does he like me ?? And one more thing how would you feel about a girl telling a guy first that she likes him ?? Wil he freak out ? Is it worth it or should I wait ? I need your help plz :)

  88. Helle says:

    Happy new year!

    Before Christmas i was dating a guy and it was great. He seemed to be in the place where he was looking for a serious relationship. Being the right place in his life. He was 40 years old and a doctor. I really fell in love but there was something i couldn’t put my finger on. I somehow didn’t trust him. Then after 5 great weeks out of the blue he broke up with me and i was crushed. He did this via text and i couldn’t get a hold of him. He even had the keys to my flat.
    At the time we had been dating, i had been attending get the guy online. I remenbered the session on players and i got a bad feeling about doctor no good.
    Well by not getting angry and stroking his ego I Got back in tuch with him via texts and i got him to send back my keys and then he told me he was married and had a two year old son.
    Instead of swearing of men I have decided go out there again and risk a broken hart. I mean how many do I have to go through to find mr. Right and not doctor no good ? Anyway I am ready to go through as many as it takes. The more the risk the greater the gain:)

    Thank you Matt. You have really made a difference in my life. Thanks to you I am able to see the funny side of this hart breaking experience and this is helping me to move on. I can’t waste time on the doctor no good’s in this world. I’m 36 years old I want to spend my time with mr. Right.
    Big hugs from Copenhagen.

    Helle :)

  89. Yoshimi says:

    It takes a lot for me to really like a guy enough to agree to be his girlfriend…but last Summer, I finally met a guy who was very confident, hot, really fun and funny. I thought he was perfect. He would write me sweet poems, and even told me that he loved me. I tried not to believe it all too much in the beginning, because he was a stripper, and the smooth-talking playboy type. But after a few weeks, I gave in, and believed it all, and thought that I was in love with him! One morning, I stopped by his house to see if he wanted to grab breakfast with me, and a little dog started yapping when I rang the door bell, and he never answered. He doesn’t have a dog, so I thought it was strange. Later I found out that he was also dating his ex and was trying to date both of us at the same time! Me and his ex started talking, and found out that he had been sending us the same sappy love poems, and making up lies about where he was at when he was hanging out with the other one. We both dumped him, but this was the most rejected I’ve ever felt. It was horrible, and I didn’t really know how to deal with it!

  90. Amila says:

    i dunno if that is rejection or that i fell for the (i’m not ready to commit) type a guy. we were attached since 3 years now… whenever the talk come about a relationship or something serious between us, he say that ‘m the best girl he has ever met and he’s not ready, we are friends.
    and stupid idiot me i keep on the contact although that crap he says.
    he is not rejecting me, he is so nice and caring…
    but i want him in relation, he is not my friend inside me, i do wanna marry him. :D

    x

  91. Maria says:

    This autumn I met a sexy guy that I dated for about a month. My friend had warned me about his past, even told me about his recent break up, but I decided to give him a chance anyway.
    For our first date he took me to watch a fotball match with his friends. None of us payed attention and we ended up leaving without knowing the results of his favorite team :) As he drove me home we discussed how tragic it is when x´s get back together, knowing it didn’t work out the first time, when there are so many people that could be right. And also how it´s better to be alone, than with the wrong person. He convinced me he was over his x as he kissed me goodnight :)
    The day after he called and we had the sweetest conversation, and within the first week I had told him that I wanted something real, special and serious.
    Two weeks later I invited him to a party. We had a blast and he kept reminding me how beautiful he found me when I danced. And when we kissed everything felt right.
    But after this he started to show some bad qualities and I started to question the whole guy. He asked me on dates and cancelled an hour before etc…
    A week after this he called to let me know he was back together with his x. I told him congratulations, and that I hoped it would work out this time.

    Even though I knew in my heart that it was his loss, and that our values were different, it still hurt when it ended. If I´m honest with myself I felt rejected.
    I guess I just need to learn how to not confuse the chemistry with the guy being special :) Because values are so important if it´s going to last!

  92. Mati says:

    I went to meet this guy to where he lives (I live in Spain he lives in Portugal) and once I got there he told me a series of different excuses like that she had a girlfriend who didn’t want us to meet and stuff which I never believed. Then he talked to me to wish me a happy new year( we hadn’t talked since the “incident”) and of course I told him I was still mad at him but he responded saying that I had invented the girlfriend excuse and that it was impossible for us to meet that day and that he really regrets it. What am I supposed to do? continue talking to him or just leave him alone? HELP!

    xx

    • Allison Buist says:

      Forget about him. Remember to value yourself!!! Too many times we do things to make a guy vote for us…when we should be voting for ourselves!! Move on and find someone who votes for you too! :)

  93. Gladys says:

    A couple of weeks ago, in my attempt to clarify a confusing situation with a guy, I set up a date with this guy. He canceled the day before when I’ve already told my friends we were going with them, ice skating. He asked me if it was really that important. Well that shows how NOT into me he was! I still went ice skating, had a great time with friends I haven’t seen in about a year. Afterwards I went to watch The Hobbit in 3D by myself (everyone else from the skating party wanted to see Les Mis), which cheered me up.

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