4 Big Ideas That Will Change Your Love Life

Leave a comment telling me about a time you got rejected. What happened? Where were you? What happened? What did you say? How did it go down? Let everyone know about it and let’s start off the year with the freedom of being in a place where rejection is OK.

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

425 Responses to 4 Big Ideas That Will Change Your Love Life

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  1. N says:

    Not sure what happened. Met guy at gym. friended him on Facebook started chatting on messenger. He seemed interested flirting etc. one week later I was defriended and blocked. No explanation. Now see him at the gym and he hardly says hi. How do I get him to talk to me again

  2. rahma says:

    I had *never* approached any guy therefore had never experienced rejection. So one marriage, one divorce and two kids later as this guy and I enter into my first flirtatious banter…I high-speed into fantasies of marriage and a happily-ever-after. Then two days into our textual messaging conversation he cracks a joke about marriage.

    I blundered, I fumbled, I mumbled and made a desperate wisecrack and basically made a fool out myself. The embarrassment of how erratically high I was on adrenalin and fantasy still makes me go red! Deeply humiliated me to the core. And that guy was such a sweetheart (no sarcasm I *really* do appreciate that he was so clear) – he didnt even bother replying back. And when i did text him to congratulate him on something he had achieved he texted back: ‘I am so awesome!’

    But I am so grateful to that particular guy. He was the first guy who made me realise that I *could* be attractive and his rejection made me realise I was doing something wrong. I didnt want to be the idiot I felt. And as with each rejection it made me question everything about myself. I *loved* feeling attractive – how could i make it an attribute a part of myself?? And that search led me to Matthew and his emphasis on authenticity and the understand of oneself and of the other to make the whole magic of love real. I went in search of ‘being attractive’….and i found ‘how to love and be loved’.

    Thank you Matthew for the amazing work you and your team are doing!

  3. Kathy S says:

    I just got rejected. And god, it just always happens. Someone gets really into me. I am by my nature, standoffish, at first. I guess, yeah, I am a little hard-to-get, just how I am. I attract some incredible guys. So I don’t have a problem with attraction. Not at all. It’s when that guy finally gets through to me. And it all goes to pot. I am sensitive, emotional, and well, too giving. If ONLY I could maintain my usual stand-offish demeanor when finally I fall… well I know that’s my problem. Anyway it happened again. And I would do anything for this guy. I swear I would walk to the ends of the world for him. And he’s not even that special. And I still have a lot of other options. I guess it’s the guy who rejected you, you can’t really have, you want the most? I dunno. He was just so charming, gorgeous, friendly, sexy, raw sexuality, and cultured. He was a sommelier and god the wine he bought and served me. Anyway, he chased and chased. He was so very sensitive. It sounded like he wanted a relationship. We slept together and yep that was it. I am crazy. I know I just got, well, clingy. So he said he wasn’t interested. And I’ve pretty much agreed, he didn’t deserve someonelike me. But now I am working on a game plan for showing him I am the right girl. Yeah, I should probably just give up. And move on. But this stuff is like drugs, the one you want the most, that’s all you want. So we’ll see. I am dating a lot of other men to try to keep my mind off him. Working on getting in better shape. My plan is to show up at his new restaurant in maybe a few months, looking hot, and just being non-chalant. But being open to him. And doing my best to stay as I was, not overly into him, when I first met him. Trying to be a “cool” girl again. We’ll see how it goes. Hate being rejected. Just makes me want to show him that I am much better than he thinks I am. Oh dear, you can see the conundrum.

  4. Marie J says:

    I met a guy (in his mid 40s) about six months ago. He just broke up with his gf then. It was her who broke up with him after 6 years of being together. Now, after being friends with benefits with me, he s still not over her. They are in touch and they see each other often, which makes him feel even more heartbroken. He is almost stalking her by now, trying desperately to get her back. And here I am. Rejected. Feeling like the third one in a tango. I dont understand how is it possible that he doesnt feel my love and my kindness. I’m not insistive as I know we are not really together. But Im giving my best to him. I immediately felt attracted to this person, he wasnt a man of my dreams but certainly came closer than anyone ever before. I’m 24 by the way. Now, he told me he cannot commit to anything at the moment as he’s still dreaming of her to come back. And that’s after I gave him everything I could. I don’t feel as much pain as I used to along the way, sensing his connection to her (we only started talking about this whole thing recently, before it was my intuition and friend’s telling me they saw him with her). But I m confused how is it that he doesnt see me the way I deserve to be seen. We have so many common interests and just match perfectly. I m aware I might have made mistakes such as playing along with all of it and not trusting my intuition. So he is rejecting me now, not saying no to me explicitly but nearly. Well, this isnt a success story yet but guys it s about to be. I m moving on and although often find myself stuck in this situation back again, I m extra mega super strong and can be bigger than my own limitations. i wish him and his ex love, and let go of this situation. While I wish I could be more charming/enchanting so I could make him forget about his ex, ultimately it s him who didn t give us a chance choosing to be stuck in the past.

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  6. 2cute2b3d says:

    A guy I am interested helped me with my interviewing skills and at the time he stated his interest in me. I had not heard from him in about 2 weeks so I called him and invited him for a “Thank You” Lunch (I really wanted to see him and spend time with him), He said ” I have to check my schedule” really we all know what time lunch is! I’ve seen him and talked to him after this and he has not mentioned it at all.

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  10. Aga says:

    The best line to tell yourself about rejection:
    “I never get rejected, I just simply weed out people with poor taste”

    Works for me every time ;)

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  15. Kathie says:

    Rejection… becoming an expert at it. Online dating is the perfect training ground. I’ve read, listened to so many dating coaches and still it’s hard to online date feeling like that piece of candy in the glass window and hoping that the men will pick you.

    After 3 months and 30 first dates I finally got a second date. Now mind you all of the other ones always ended the date with, “Hey I would really like to see you again” and then never call. My “first” second date was going out fishing… we both love it and I really felt confident it went well but he was a bit quiet… of course when in nature and fishing “QUIET” is the whole idea. We got to the landing, packed it all up (I did try to help but he didn’t want me to) and we had our first kiss and strong hung… many kisses later we had to go our separate ways (both had our own vehicles) since the mosquitoes were eating us alive and he stated that we need to see each other very soon. I got home, got the cooler put away and text him that it was a excellent ending to a wonderful night… that was it. No response and it is now going on the 3rd day. I remember what I’ve been told… When you feel you want to find out what’s wrong… don’t do anything. Did I give him my value??? I believe I did. I was not going to take the passion any further on the second date and we had really had two good dates.

    we have not talked about exclusive… just way too early for that and yes him on Match every one of those days but so was I. Rejection??… yes… would I have liked a…”Just not there for me speech??” YES

    I look at it this way… I am getting out, getting experience and meeting new people… I do not get intimate with these men… I value myself way too much. If they want sex… they will have to get to know who KATHIE is first and I will then let them into the intimacy. Frustrating for women also guys…;)

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  17. Kristi says:

    Hello Matthew,

    I was with my ex boyfriend for three years, and one night before our vacation to meet his family, he broke up with me. His answer was balancing school and me at the same time was simply not working. I had an hour with him that night and have not seen him since,as that night he left out of state and two days later I packed my stuff and moved back home to California, as I was in Arizona. This guy simply avoids any confrontation at all costs, and our break up was completely a surprise to me. I still love him so very much, and right when I think I am moving on, I’m not sure I can. Is there anything I can do or say that will work in my favor for him to give us another shot or should i simply move on? All I can think of is all of the good, it most definitely outweighed the bad in our relationship. We really were perfect for each-other, I am so ready for love! Thanks in advance!

  18. Lisa says:

    Let’s see, there’s a lot of them!
    The funniest one was a guy in a bar wearin a really ugly sweater who told me he wasn’t interested because my shirt wasn’t “family friendly!”
    Then recently I guy I was planning a date with suggested we paint my bedroom this color I like. When I rejected that idea in leiu of getting a coffee, he ended up canceling, telling me he looks for signs that magic lies this way or that and good tidings. Ok I guess there wasn’t magic with me!
    So instead I went out with this other guy that night and had a lovely good time. If he rejects me at some point I’ll try to be happy about it like Matt suggests… I guess it’s just freeing me up for another guy. Time to get comfortable with rejection because I’d rather have that than not take chances!

  19. Sophia says:

    Hi Matthew,

    This is the story from my first real rejection. I never took a risk before in my life with a guy, always waited until he told me his feelings, before I’ve done anything.

    I got rejected last week from a guy I was dating for a period of time. It all started in November. We went on two dates, everything was great. But then the preparation time for the exams started and he had no time anymore, was stressed and he was never good in communication via text message or internet. We’re in the same sports team so I see him twice a week. He kind of started to ignore me more and more until I asked him 3 weeks later if he actually still want to see me or not. He said yes of course and we went on a third date. It was great.
    He already started to talk about getting something for my birthday in end of march and we were always talking about quit private and very personal stuff. We also got intimate every time, but no, he is not that kind of guy. Actually he was quite inexperienced compared to me. The Christmas came and we both went home and I haven’t seen him for over 3 weeks. The communication was bad during this time. I tried to stay in contact with him, but it was hard.

    The next time we saw each other was in sport again begin of January. He kind of ignored me again and I got frustrated and texted him that we need to talk, asked him if he realized that I think he is great and I would like him but his behaviour would confuse me and I have no idea what I’m on with him. He told me he thought about us but don’t want to say anything until he came to a conclusion. The next week we had no contact, but there were a few things I wanted to tell him, so I wrote a letter due to the fact that I have a handwritten poem from him, that he gave me because I liked it when I saw it. I gave him the letter a week after my last message and waited. I really don’t like showing my emotions to others, if I don’t know theirs and this letter was one of the bravest things I’ve ever done cause it cost me a lot to hand it to him. Actually I tried it three times before I made it.

    We’re living in the same building now and on the way home last week he tried to talk to me and needed 10 minutes to tell me in front of the elevator that the way he treated me was not okay, that I deserve something better. That he thinks he don’t want a relationship at the moment and that his grandfather died over Christmas.
    A week before he told me that he failed in two of his exams and that if he fails them again in August he probably can’t come back to university. He also told me that he rejected a girl a few weeks ago, because of me, because he had the feeling there was something between us. But he has no idea what, he can’t name it which is weird for him. So he asked me if I’m okay with being friends. I said yes, but he didn’t believed me and started to ask if I’m sure cause my eyes would be red. I was really okay in that moment. I liked him a lot but he never gave me enough attention/put enough effort in this to make me fall for him. He is quit a passive person, but I still like him and would love to date him again. I know his live is complicated at the moment and I’m not even convinced we fit to each other. However I would still like to give it a try, but I guess that won’t happen the next time.

    At least I learned that to take a risk and getting rejected is okay.

  20. Giu says:

    Hi Matt!

    It’s a great idea…. getting used to rejection, in order to taking risks.

    So, just to comment on MY rejections, let’s start with the fact that I’m overweight and always have been, so I’ve had to handle rude jokes from kids (kids are quite cruel) ever since I was one, so I have quite a lot of experience in that field, fortunately, cause it helped me grow a lot, and understand many things while getting older.

    I remember this one time I was at a dance and I was dancing with a boy, then all of the sudden comes a girl (who apparently didn’t like me) and tells him something and they look at me and start to laugh.
    After that, I was 15 and I liked this guy with whom I had a sort of a friendship, when I told him (through chat) what I really felt, he said ‘ you sould’ve tolde me earlier’, plus a friend of mine got involved in this whole ‘thing’ and this guy told her once, that if she didn’t like him he could always run to me and do whatever he wished with me.
    Few years later, met this guy online, dated once, and whenever I mentioned a second date he said he couldn’t.

    I also had to go through a rough period when I was a teenager, cause I could never fit in any group -cause all the people at those groups always kept me out of everythingt- ill I got to uni.
    Whenever I go out I can ocassionaly hear people’s jokes about my weight (specially when I go to clubs).

    But I think it’s about how you handle things and how you choose to look at life. In the end, the only one who will be with you till the very last moment in your life is you.

    Hey! Now I think about it, it’s a very good way of letting go of any previous burdens, by writing it down.

  21. Kris says:


    Engaging video!

    Best rejection from a girl ever: “I would love to stay the night, but I have to leave now, because at midnight my bicycle turns back into a pumpkin”

    Best job rejection: “We have chosen to give the job to someone, who is even better qualified than you”


  22. Katrina says:

    Hi Matthew,

    Thanks for your insight, as always! Great ideas for life, not just dating! :)

    I am a natural at meeting people, approaching them, starting conversations, etc. Friends and family constantly are floored by the way that I am able to walk into a room with 25 people and come out with 25 friends.

    That being said, I HAVE NO GAME! The moment I think a guy that I like is into me, I crash and burn. I am such a forward and honest person that I have to remember that people in general like a little mystery and intrigue! Very hard for an open-book gal like me!

    Anyway, my story: I had to take my car to the auto shop for repairs a few years ago, and had the car rental place send someone to pick me up. The guy who drove my rental to the shop was way cute, super nice and very much flirting with me. He was gazing into my eyes, smiling at me non-stop, flirting, etc. He ended up taking me back to the shop to pick up my car the next day, too – same story with the flirting. So the next day, I called his office and asked him if he wanted to get a drink. He responded, and I quote “No, thanks, but if you ever want to rent another car, give me a call.” WOW! Really, that happened! I was hurt, a little irritated and confused (um, why the giving me “goo goo” eyes then???).
    It took me about a week to not feel embarrassed about it, but I never had to see him again, so I got over it. Now, in hind sight, that is one FUNNY way to get dissed! I laughed out loud just typing this up!
    Hope all is going well for you! Congrats on the show and the book – and your “US Tour”! Hope to see you at one of your shows in the east (crossing my fingers for Pittsburgh, PA or Cleveland, OH).
    All the best,

  23. De'Ann says:

    Went out to dinner with a guy that I’d met at a party. His brother came along because he was the one with the car. I had more in common with brother who was driving, more than my actual date. My actual date turned out to be very obnoxious and rude. A few days later, I made a very bold move and called the brother who had the car. I told him that I liked his brother as wild friend to party with, but not as someone I could date. I then told him that I thought the two of us hit it off pretty well and that I would like to have lunch or coffee sometime. He said that it would be cool with him but that I should not expect much more as he had a girlfriend. Sweetest rejection ever! I never saw either one of them again, but I’m glad I made the choice to speak up!

    • De'Ann says:

      Just wanted to add that rejection should not be taken personally. Know your worth and the sting won’t be so bad. I get rejected by my current boyfriend and we’ve been in a very committed relationship for 7 years now. Sometimes we are the ones doing the reject-ING! Right?? I’m sure there are other people out here who feel the sting of us rejecting them. Just sayin’…

  24. Clair de Lune says:

    Hi Matthew, I have definitely made rejection my new best friend these last couple months! I decided to re-connect with a guy I dated in the past just recently. All I did was wish him a Happy New Year to re-connect with him. His response was: I’m in a relationship; loose my number! I told him he could have been less rude in his response & then he decided to cuss me out! I then decided to ignore him & he proceeded to send me some more texts. I wished him well after he cussed me out & did not reply to his last text message. Not sure if he is really in a relationship. You think he would stop texting me on a Saturday night if he has a girlfriend to spend time with after I decided to ignore him! I’m proud of myself that I didn’t stoop down to his level & start cussing him out! I also realized i shouldn’t waste a second on a rude & disrespectful guy. So my friend rejection got my back this time! =)
    Shine on,

  25. Amelia says:

    Hi Matthew,

    I was rejected few months ago by a coworker…:( when I started working with him, he was very close with a female coworker, so I thought they were together. I later learn that she has a boyfriend and he was single.

    After a month there I started having strong feelings for him. I had the feeling that he feels the same. It was close to valentine ,so I said “if we don’t find a date for valentine, then we can go on a date.” He smiled and one of my other coworkers said that would look weird (he is white and im indian). He looked tense so i then apologise saying I was joking, and would only date an indian guy. I later reallise when others around, he would be mean and rude but let alone he would be nice…

  26. Diana says:

    Hi Matthew! Everything you say is everything I need to do but I still get very intimidated by people that I don’t take action. I come up with so many excuses for myself and I don’t know why. Well I think it’s because I do fear rejection a very lot. And I’m glad you talked about it. It’s one of the things that has kept me from possibly being with someone that I was attracted to. I will definitely make it a resolution of mine to face it this year. To answer the question, I mostly get rejected by guys when I tell them I’m saving myself for marriage. They say they want to get to know me, but they act that they’re ok with my standard, take my number, and never contact me. All the time. My last boyfriend broke up with me because he couldn’t hold it any longer. It makes me wonder, is there not one guy out there who can hold it?? or maybe I’m just in a city that doesn’t have them. But I love where I live, LA, and I’m not willing to move. It’s a bit frustrating. So that’s the biggest rejection I get, hopefully I can find someone who is willing to respect that and want that for himself as well.

  27. Arunima says:

    I was rejected after being neck-deep in a relationship for 7 years. Firstly, the world went back for me, I absolutely lost track of time and my activities for a while. It took me months to be able to start talking about it with even my best friends. But its been a while that I am totally over him and realized how much of stress that relationship had put on me.
    I feel much better now, but surprised to see myself become skeptical while dating this new guy, and seem to be a little too cautious than I should be.

  28. sam says:

    Your video makes sense about creating value. I do this already and have been rejected twice now for being great and wonderful. I have found that being great and wonderful scares men off too. Its hard being rejected like this, but I am thinking now that its the men who are the ones with the problems, and they just don’t know a good thing when they have it.

    • R says:

      Thank you Sam for sharing. Same happened to me last week… Rejected because of being too perfect…
      They say it has to do with the low self-esteem of the man. But anyway it’s painful…
      The thought that really helps to overcome it is “He just doesn’t know what he has rejected. He is not a guy for me as I need a confident man that feels good near strong and interesting woman.”
      Thank again, hope it goes well…

  29. Astrid says:

    I used to have a big ex problem, we were togethet for many years and after the brake up, we got back together a few times. the last time we were kind’a dating he desappeared…from earth… O_O WTF?? who does that??!! useless pig!
    At this point, he better keep hidden, or else i’d rip his head off.

    that was like the worst rejection EVER.
    i can’t take rejection and i don’t know how other people do.

  30. Jackie says:

    A guy I had been chatting to for a long time cancelled 2 dates and a third was planned. He sent a text the evening before saying that he was cancelling so that he could have a date with someone else instad, that she was more his age and that he wanted to give love a chance. I told him I thought he was very rude to cancel any date so he could see someone else, and told him he was an arse. I value honesty, but really this was taking it too far. I was not disappointed at the date being cancelled- it was half expected anyway- but it was the reasons for the cancellation, the complete lack of apology and the sheer arrogance of the man that angered me. Needless to say, love did not work out between him and his other date, he has messaged me saying he kicks himself over the lost chance and, as far as I am concerned, he has burned his bridges.
    I don’t get hurt over rejections on the whole, unless they do the big silence thing and don’t have the manners to at least let you know. It’s because you end up having a week or more of wondering. Much better for people to just say they don’t want to see you any more, then you can adjust and get on with things.

  31. Tracey says:

    Hi Matthew,

    I was rejected recently on an online dating website. The guy said that my pictures just weren’t doing it for him. I was initially offended, but then I thought it’s ok and just let it go. I thought to myself, I’m not his type and really that’s ok. I’m not for everyone and everyone is not for me. And he is making room for the right guy. At that point, I was ok.

    Thank you for all of your wonderful advice, it has really been helpful to me!


  32. Diane says:

    so now that I put myself out for rejection… and got it. how do you deal with it??????????

  33. Haney says:

    Hi Matthew!

    I was rejected few months ago. I met this guy during a trip and I straight away liked him. We bumped into each other several times during parties and I decided to ask him out on a date. We had fun that day but after the first date we stopped talking. I’ve tried talking to him again but he ignored me completely. It was painful but I’ve decided to move on. I’m still working on that though

  34. NNN says:

    – This isn’t a rejection story but I just wanted to let Matthew know:

    I love you’re advice, thanks a ton! Because of you the comfort in myself and my confidence has gone up. I thought this would help with relationships but it made my self-confidence go up a ton. I can’t thank you enough. I’m still working on it but I have gotten so much more confident im myself – I want to thank you. :D Thanks!

  35. Julia says:

    I don’t know if you can call this a rejection, but it’s the only one I can think of right now: I remember when I was about six years old, there was this guy I had a crush on and saw every summer on vacation. Probably this sounds weird, but one day I couldn’t wait any longer, so I just called on the phone asking him if he wants to marry me. I could tell it was overwhelming for him. His answer: “I have to think about it.” His voice didn’t sound very convincing though and we never got married- Haha! Still I think his answer was pretty good for a 6-year old :)

  36. Brenna says:

    Hey Matthew,
    So this New Years I went to a friend’s party. I was having fun, mingling and hanging out with everyone, couples and singles alike. I had a few drinks so I was definately relaxed, probably too relaxed. I was talking to my friend that was hosting the party and jokingly asked her when she was going to set me up with someone. She said there was a guy at the party that she wanted me to talk to. She pointed him out so I made a mental note that I would eventually make my way over to his area, if the opportunity presented itself. I eventually got impatient, waiting for him to be alone, and I saw him looking through pictures of people who were at the party (it was a party game). I went over and said, “Oh! I want to see if I am in here.” So he and I looked through the pictures, he was very sweet and engaging, and then he just kind of went back to his friends and started chatting with them. Later that evening, I was talking with some friends and he sat at a chair near me and started texting someone. I looked over at him and thought, oh what the hell. I put my hand on his shoulder and said, “I just want you to know you’re a sexy guy. The booze is helping me tell you that, but I just thought you should know.” He smiled and said thank you, apologized saying he had to finish his text, that is was important, and I said, “Yeah, no worries,” and went back talking to my friends. Later that night, he went up to one of my other single friends and started talking to her.
    So moral of the story, I understand that I was an idiot that night, but I learned from it. I can’t force something to happen and I can’t get impatient. My friend that got hit on by this guy knew he was available, but didn’t even try persuing him. Lately, she has been focusing on working on herself and not worrying about relationships. I admired her for not trying with this guy and just letting whatever happens to happen. I let my worry and impatience get the better of me, and the intoxication factor did not help in the least. So to conclude from my little experience, don’t chase the guy, let him come to you, and gin is not your friend when you are trying to make a good first impression. Good luck to you all! Your ideal man is out there!

  37. Jacqueline says:

    The one time I put myself out there, it turned out that my Spanish dancer friend was also interested in the same guy. Didn’t feel like I could compete, so I told her she could have him.

    He ended up disappointing her though. It messed her up a bit and I’m not happy about that… But I feel like i dodged a bullet. I believe he’s also into drugs now too! Glad it never happened!

    – Jacqueline

  38. Lis says:

    Hello there
    I took rejection so very badly as a teen taking years to come to terms with the end of 2relationships, even the grief extending into my marriage.
    After that 24 year relationship ended instigated by him, I was excited to have the rest of my life before me and to have dodged a bullet for the next 40! I was also shattered and damaged from the dynamics within that relationship.
    I wasn’t ready to pick a man for life but after 18 months, my body reminded me that although extremely happy some corners in my life could do with rounding.. I began to date men from a dating site-something I would never have believed that I would have considered. I chose route this as I live in a tiny community and didn’t want a reputation for not settling!
    I met some fantastic men , some 20 years younger (not chosen because of that!) all bright and with a twinkle in their step and a spark and a brilliance about them. I was stunned at the response to me. I can see now that it was because we all shared an honesty about what we were seeking and now I have a clearer idea about what I would like in a partner. I had to reject many, and did not always do this in the best way, so I learnt to be direct and sensitive, rather than spare feelings which caused confusion. This was so hard and so good for me. I had a pattern of choosing unavailable for long men who were off travelling in a few months but that suited me at the time. In my social circle I was aware also that I was oozing attraction???? A man took me aside and said you are just so happy and straight and confident and kind and I want to be with you for that . This tied in with the advice from you that I keep dipping into , to be oneself , to not play games, assert boundaries,if I did feel rejected on any level I chose to dilute that feeling with pleasurable attention from new dates or to be amongst fun friends and not dwell on what I may not be able to change . I have a lovely group of new male friends and recently, very recently, have become exclusive with a very appealing man. I will let you know how that goes.
    Lis xx
    Corrnwall uk

  39. Lindsay says:

    Happy New Year Matthew & thanks for sharing this video. The rejection I remember cleary was from 2007. Me and my ex were having a time -out but we were still having sex together. I still had feelings for him and was so desperated to have him back. I shared my true feelings, even wrote him a letter but he rejected me. I felled like my world was tumbling down. It took me almost 6 months to get over him. The thing is now that he is the one pursueing me, but not for what I want. Because he has a girlfriend & child now and only wants to have sex with me. For me that’s a sign to be grateful that we didn’t hook up again.

  40. Vikki says:

    Hey Matt, as always brilliant video and great advice – 2013 is already a year of a magic as created by me! :-)

    Rejection and I are firm friends – both in the receiving and giving. And in both I try to be graceful, although sometimes that gets missed in the mess of feelings etc.

    The most memorable story for me was about 5 years ago. I was working up in Newcastle so got the train each Sunday evening to get there for the week … that particular day 2 police officers were sat at my table and we spent the 4 hour journey chatting/laughing lots. Exchanged names etc and a quick hug as we went to our seperate taxi’s on arrival in the Toon.

    I built up courage over the week and phoned to leave a message at his work place for him to call me. He did. We had a chat and a laugh and then I asked him if he wanted to go out for a drink some time …

    His response “on a date or just as a friends?”

    My reply “well ‘date’ is kind of American but ok”

    To which he replied: “I don’t know how you missed this in 4 hours of conversation Vikki, but I am gay!” …

    I cracked up laughing and said “oh well, thems the breaks”. We talked further that day and agreed to catch up soon. We continue to be friends now and go out on “dates” whenever we are in each other’s cities. Last time we were out in Soho together we got stopped at a bar by the bouncer to explain to us that it was a gay bar … he had to point out that was fine with him ;-) So, I’m not the only one who gets confuddled!

    Looking forward to more fabulousness and laughter,

  41. Desiree says:

    I have been rejected loads of times… but I reject a lot as well. From the past few months I have rejected about 5 guys because I don’t feel attracted to them. I know this is wrong. In my past love life, guys never seem to take me seriously and that’s when I used to get rejected all the time. Its complicated.
    By the way I really like all the advice you give, I have put them in practice and I guess that really helped getting those guys after me haha, I just haven’t found the one I like.

  42. Mary McAndrew in Honolulu.HI says:

    I think I might have been rejected, but who really cares? If some random guy rejects me, he never had a chance anyway, so I really wouldn’t know! Guys are not a necessity for women. Plus, players and goofball sleaze-oids are too common. No one pays attention to them! A woman can’t be rejected by someone who can’t pass the audition to begin with. And as far as “chasing men” goes, that’s idle entertainment and pointless as such, but it’s more adrenaline-addicting than video games so that’s probably why women might do it. “Chasing men” is THE guaranteed way to “get rejected”.

    • Mary McAndrew in Honolulu.HI says:

      Because “chasing men” is so very effective in making them go away and never bother you again, I will admit to “chasing” a few guys just to make them go away! It works like a charm! I recommend it for the super-jerk dudes in your life!

  43. Bailey says:

    I recently go rejected by a guy I was briefly dating. Now this has happened before and usually I can deal with the rejection pretty well. I just close that door and move on. However, dating your workout coach was probably not the best way to get over that rejection. He felt that I was getting to “clingy”, even though he initiated everything. So while our dating ended my workouts of course did not. It’s a class setting so I don’t have to interact too closely with him. Seeing him every week makes closing the rejection door harder than others before. We get along and there is no awkwardness going on in the gym, but the situation is somewhat comical. Still have some lingering feelings, but trying to just focus on myself and working out for the year ahead. He still flirts, but initiates nothing outside of the gym like before. Sometimes I think of changing gyms, but that just seems like running to me and he’s great as a coach. Those can be hard to find. Thought this story might help some people. But if anyone has any advice on how to deal with rejection when you have to repeatedly see your “rejector” after the fact, that’d be great! Thanks!

  44. Devin says:

    I had a daily walk to class with this guy I sort of new and had a lot of similarities with him, and also was very attracted to him. One day I gathered the courage to ask him if he wanted to hand out and he jumped on the chance! Of course I was excited and we exchanged numbers but I was waiting for something to come up or for him to text me to hang out. Well a week went by and I got nothing but a few texts that I had initiated and gotten a response. So me and my friends were out at a bar and saw him there. I was excited and went to go talk to him. He seemed very disinterested so I was getting realy bummed. So finally he said he was sorry for leading me on and didn’t want to be that guy but after he said yes he thought about it and changed his mind. At first I was like well ok gee thanks, but at least he was honest. It bothered me for a long time because I kept thinking he never actually gave me a chance. But we had our daily walks to class and everything was fine. So eventually I got over it and decided it was a waste of time to try for someone who isn’t looking for anything. Then one day he told me a story about how he went to a bar for this one girl and all she said all night was hey and went off with her friends. That moment I decided he wasn’t looking for a girl like me but was chasing after someone who wasn’t into him. And from then on I let it go and forgot about him because.

  45. Sarah says:

    Well it wa when I was in Highschool. I was really into a guy and put lots of effort in and I thought it was going well, however after I had done the work of getting his phone number he went out with my friend. Maybe not really a direct rejection but maybe it still counts? I do have to say that after that I didn’t really go up to people to ask because I didnt want to get hurt. I just watched the situation and actually wanted the guy to make a move, however thats also not really easy.
    Thanks for everything. Have a good week :)

  46. Jane says:

    I remember being alone with a guy i like, and then I told him how I felt, we’d known each other for ages, and I felt we had great chemistry. I don’t understand what I’d done wrong!

  47. noname says:

    I’ve been rejected loads of times, its so unfair! How do I get a guy to not reject me.

  48. Anomynous says:

    Ages ago at school, we had a test in a subject (RE). There was this really cute boy in my class, so at the end of the lesson we went out and he was walking behind me. I asked him what he got, but he said he didn’t know. I did have to repeat the question, but I was embarrassed and ran off because I was embarrassed because he didn’t continue the conversation. Maybe it was because I ran off? :( I just felt like he didn’t want to talk to me. Is this rejection? How could I try talking to him again.

  49. btcrb says:

    hi matthew i think right now i am about to be rejected, i cannot gather up enough courage to ask this guy about his concert the next day, whether he really put me on the guestlist as he promised and..actually am quite scared to go to the concert as such since.. we havent seen each other for two months, the last time we saw each other he kind of tried to kiss me but i never saw that potencial in him since he is quite older than i am, and automatically probably from being afraid i just gave him a kiss on the cheek. since then we have been chatting a bit and i really started to see him in that light but i dont know how to decently signal it and it seems as if he is okay with being just friends.. so tomorrow we are about to see each other (if i dont back out..) but there will be tons of his friends and i dont think we are going to spend more than few minutes together but.. i still feel kind of pressure i put on myself since i havent seen him for so long and dont quite know how to act, everything just seems like i am going to fail and be boring or awkward only because of that build up, i know im not supposed to be building things up but how do i stop doing that? nothing seems to help..

  50. Gaby says:

    Last year I was rejected from a guy I was not that keen on. We met through online dating and he was really was not my type at all, but he seemed nice and maybe someone different was exactly what I needed.
    After a few dates we went to the cinema and considering I had not be with anyone in months, when he leaned in for a kiss I didn’t stop him. And we spent a lot of the rest of the weekend together.
    3 days later he confessed to me that a female friend he had been interested in for a long time, had just let him know that she had the same feelings for him, so he couldn’t continue to see me. It was all over before it began!
    The hardest part to deal with was the actual rejection and ego beating I got from the experience and not so much the loss of him.

  51. Geneviene says:

    Hi Matthew,

    that was a great video to start the year! Absolutely useful

    In 2011 I received several rejections to my applications to various vet schools in the UK and Australia. It is my dream to become a veterinarian, and I was fresh out of college. I was very disheartened, but did not give up.

    Eventually I applied to Massey University in New Zealand, and had to go through a stressful, intense selection semester in the first half of 2012. After months of hard work, I finally made it into the vet programme of the university and fulfilling my longtime dream at last.

    This year will be my returning year to vet school, and there is not a day that goes by that I am thankful I did not take rejection so harshly, but embraced it and fought for my own life goals

  52. Whitney says:

    I’ve never been rejected by a guy as far as dating goes, but then again I’ve never actually been on a date even though I’ve been asked out before! I know there are good guys out there, its just that none of them seem to live where I do, or they are already taken, or the most frequent problem is they just want “one thing!”
    I’ve only really liked a handful of guys, and I do fear rejection, but mainly because I’m scared I will lose them as a friend. If they were important enough to catch my eye, I certainly don’t want to lose them as a friend because they got weirded out when I told them I like them, or I tried to flirt with them.:( Advice, please?!!

  53. Lucy says:

    I have been rejected recently because the man wanted me only for sex but led me on to get it. So I was a victim of the ‘pump and dump’. However my rejection is really nothing compared to my friend’s recent experience.

    She had been dating her bf for 5 and a half years. Then he went abroad to spend a year in Canada. She was due to meet him in Toronto for a visit after a few months. They had planned a trip travelling around Canada when she arrived. She got off the plane after a long-haul flight and excitedly greeted him, only to be faced with a bombshell. He told her that he had fallen for another woman and that he was going to spend time with her. She tried travelling on her own but couldn’t face it and got back on a plane after a day or so.

    It was hard for her but she’s doing a lot better now. She says that that experience is going to be the making of her.

  54. Eleeza E Jones says:

    I wrote all that above and forgot to mention the actual time when I was rejected, by a man, of course.

    The first time was when I fell in love with a boy at school, we were both 13. I had no idea how to flrit with boys and being autistic, I was already different. So for the next 6 years, I wrote him love poems, called him on the phone, stalked him everywhere – actually followed him and his friends at a distance, believing they did not notice me – they did and made humiliating comments but I just put up with it because I was obsessed with him.

    One day I called him and told him that I was very unhappy and took some pills because I didn’t want to live any more (I lied, but its the only way to keep him on the phone because he d otherwise put the phone down on me) and because he was a medical student, he really cared and insisted to meet me to talk to me and try and help.

    He walked me home after learning that I didn’t take that many pills (maybe a few paracetamols, which was stupid thing to do, but wasn’t lethal dose) and as he was leaving to go back home, I shouted after him, ‘I love you ! Please, come back !’

    He came back and said: ‘Don’t say that. Just don’t’, looked really annoyed and walked away. My heart was broken.

    After that, I couldn’t bare to live in the same city any more and left Russia. I actually came to UK (in 1990) to ‘make something of myself’, to prove to him that he rejected a worthy human being…

    but all these years later – 22 years have passed and I saw things from a different perspective…. well, I’m happy to say I don’t care any more. I stopped caring after the first ten years !

    I have seen him since – he has changed a lot ! He drinks, he doesn’t look happy, he stoops when he walks, he s put on weight and he doesn’t act with confidence…. I don’t know what’s happened to an arrogant, self assured confident boy he once was…. his wife has left him and he is still a doctor but he relies on Vodka a little too much

    yest, time and time again since then, whenever anyone has rejected me in any way, men, I would fall madly in love with them. If they are nice and treating me with respect and actually show they care – I feel nothing. I reject them and in a most cruelest of ways…. with no remorse

    Rationally, I know I must change, but I wish I knew, how

    Maybe, Matthew, you would consider doing something on this topic ?

    Why do some people feel attraction towards people who reject them?

  55. Eleeza E Jones says:

    Matthew, thank you for the wonderful work you do, helping women everywhere have the loving relationships they want and helping them build self confidence and welf worth. You have helped me a great deal. You are the best we have in United Kingdom and it’s about time, because nobody teaches people, women especially, about relationship dynamics, not at school and definitely, not the media… women and girls have to learn the ‘hard way’… and sometimes, they never learn because they just give up….

    I’ve been rejected many times in my life, first by the schoolkids in my class who bullied or avoided me (I have a form of autism – Asperger’s syndrome which I now understand is the major cause of communication problems I’ve always had) and then by men…

    I’ve also been rejected by my Mother who went from one extreme of mollycoddling me to completely ignoring me while smoking and drinking because of her own issues… my father was very successful in his career but drunk most of the time so he was NEVER PRESENT which is another form of rejection…

    Feeling of being rejected, in fact, was so familiar to me that it had become my automatic ‘to go to’ emotion whenever things went wrong…. and when they did right, I now believe I actively chose the kind of people I knew would end up rejecting me, and they did !

    I hate to admit that, but part of me sadistically enjoyed the feeling of pain in the pit of my stomach whenever I’ve been or felt rejected, because it felt like HOME.

    Maybe, my messed mind confused feeling rejected with feeling loved, as that’s the only way my parents made me feel, that I even existed.

    Having autism makes it hard for me to get in touch with and process my emotions as it is, but I am trying and with comprehension and learning, from great teachers like you Matthew, on things like relationship dynamics and how men think and what are their emotional triggers – things are definitely looking up !!

    I have a relationship with someone really dear to me and although not everything is perfect, I feel hopeful that it will work out.

    It would be mad doing the same things and expect different results so I am open to learning as much as I can and do things differently.

    Thank you, Matthew and God bless you for doing what you do and for getting better and better at your job (or shall I say, your CALLING) because I have noticed in the last 2 years I ve been following your work that even you are learning and becoming better, and so we are who learn from you.

    I know that what you do comes from your heart, I sense how much passion you have for helping people make their lives better, to make it possible for them to feel happinees and joy that a good communication and deep meaningful connection with another human being brings.

    You provide the tools and the bridge for that connection to be possible.

    Keep on changing this world to be a better and happier place, one podcast, one article, one live appearance at a time, Matthew !!

    You are an amazing human being !!


    Have a wonderful New Year and may a good wind catch your sails (sory, don’t know how to translate it better from Russian)

    Eleeza (Ezra) Jones
    Aspie Girl

  56. Shelby says:

    Hey! Everyone is beautiful! Skin colour shouldn’t matter! If that guy wasn’t into you because your skin, then he doesn’t deserve you. It’s like saying you don’t like someone just because they’re blonde.
    You’re beautiful! <3

  57. mica says:

    I got rejected last year. I really like this guy but she had a girlfriend so obviously I did not make any move. After a few months, I had this news that they broke up. What I did was be there for him as a friend. I did not make any move because I want him to move on. It would be unfair if I take advantage of the situation. My friends knew that I like him. Then suddenly, few weeks later, I realized that something is going on between him and my friend. My friends told me that maybe the girl was just being nice since the guy got into a break up. But for me, it was different.
    So I texted him. I asked him if he and that girl is into a relationship. At first, he does not want to answer my question and keeps on asking me why. I had no choice but to express my feelings. And I told him that if there is something going on between them, then I will be out of scene. He told me that he’s sorry but he likes the girl. Probably I was too late. But I realized what made him attracted to the girl is because the girl can go out anytime of the day. Unlike me that I have to go home right after school. There’s no problem of my attitude because the girl and I are both of the “boyish” type. I’m straight and she’s bi. So I guess spending time as much as possible with him is the reason why he got attracted.

  58. Princess says:

    Ok so my rejection story doesn’t involve a man but involves a dream. A while ago I applied to Oxbridge and didn’t get in and it was heart breking – a dream shattered and yet out of the tatters of this shattered dream emerged joy. I ended up going to a uni I was very happy at and where I met an amazing group of friends, that I never would’ve met at Oxbridge!!! ( and very likely would have struggled with the lack of social time at such an institution). A word of encouragement where a door closes a window opens!!! lol

  59. Emi says:

    Hi Matt!
    I really loved this video. It’s so true in any are of life that if you aren’t afraid of being rejected, you’ll allow more great things to come. So I got rejected by a male friend that I confessed my feelings to. Now he seemed polite and said he wanted to maintain our friendship even though he was dating someone else. However, in public he would always ignore me, as if I wasn’t there. I realized that he wasn’t that good of a friend to begin with, and I did the ultimate relationship ender..I deleted him on facebook! I felt I had to because I didn’t want to be fake and pretend that we were still “cool” on the web, when in reality he would treat me like a leaper in our daily encounters.
    Well that’s pretty much it, but I still wish we could have stayed friends and avoided this awkwardness.
    P.S. I told him over facebook!

  60. Leanne says:

    Hiya :) thank you for all of your advice and i am definitely going to use your ideas to change my life this year!
    Well last year (2012) was quite a big year for rejection for me, it happened on numerous occasions but the main (and first time) happened like this: I met this guy at college and got to know him really well, we met up loads of times and things like that. things gradually escsalated and we began flirting more and more and it honestly seemed like we were meant to be together so i thought one day after meeting up with him that i would text him (i know, very cowardly but hey) and express my feelings for him and see where he wanted to take things. He turned round and said that he had never wanted anything more than a friendship (when i know for sure i was not misreading the signs) but that he wanted to stay friends with me. I was at home at the time staying with my dad so i just went up to my room and cried. i cried and cried and cried, constantly. This was in may and i havent spoken to him since. I tried, oh boy did i try, but he was having none of it. 2 weeks after that happened he turned up with a new girlfriend. It hurt be gradually i got over it, especially when in september i met this great guy with whom i got into a relationship with only to have him cheat on me when he was away in the army… Yeh i now, not the best luck but hey, 2013 is MY year! The same goes for all you other women on here, THIS YEAR IS OUR YEAR, LETS TAKE IT BY THE HORNS!!! :D

  61. Sunny says:

    Hi Matthew,

    I have a question that is perhaps somewhat related to rejection… I have been dating someone for about 6 months. It has become a meaningful relationship, it is healthy, and we care deeply for one another, yet we haven’t confessed our love or anything like that at this point.

    There is just one thing that keeps bothering me. He still has hundreds of photos of him and his ex-girlfriend on Facebook of them on trips, kissing, looking happy and in love. He was in a three year relationship with her, and that was the only time he has ever been in love. I told him after a couple months that it annoyed me he still had those photos up, especially the ones where they are kissing or laying in bed together- yuck! He still hasn’t taken them down.

    I don’t want to be a nag, and I know it is partially my fault for looking at the photos. But at what point is it disrespectful to me and our relationship that he still has these photos of him and his ex online for everyone to see? Since our relationship is still fairly new, I’m not sure if we’re there yet- the point where I can be adamant about this without seeming totally insecure. I’m not sure how to approach this, because it seems I can’t stop torturing myself by just knowing these photos are there, and I can’t resist looking at them from time to time. I don’t want to obsess about this, but it is bothering me. What should I do? Thanks ever so much!

    • Chekeitha says:

      Wow that’s an awesome question Sunny. I would love to see a video from Matthew on this! I had the same problem with this except kind of in reverse. I dated a guy who I was madly in love with for over 2 years but he just could not deal with the fact that I had photos of a guy I briefly dated. Now let me qualify that statement. The guy I briefly dated had been my best-friend for years, I dated him for only 1 month, and then he went gay afterwards. Yes quite the doozy! But my ex still had a bad reaction whenever he saw any photos of us (from during that 1 month) and he resented how close we were. I realized over time that while I saw the other guy as only my gay bestfriend who I made a mistake and dated for a month, my boyfriend saw him as an “ex” and reacted as such. So, when IS a good time to get rid of photos? Great question!

      • Sunny says:

        Thanks, Chekeitha for your comment. Actually, my best gay friend has been my close friend for 15 years. Naturally we tried dating briefly too, but it didn’t work out, and later he came out as a gay man. We still joke that we’re going to just marry each other and have kids together someday, since we love and trust each other so much!

        I guess my current situation is somewhat delicate, because in one respect, I think it’s great that he had this previous relationship and has been in love. It has made him who he is today, and he is a great person and boyfriend. I’m not worried he wants to be with her- I know that’s not the case. In his defense, he’s not constantly messing around on Facebook worrying about things like that. But our relationship is getting to the point where my family and friends know him, and they are on Facebook too, so they can see his photos. I feel weird about it. When I broke off a 6 year relationship, I deleted a ton of photos of my ex and me looking all lovey dovey. It just seems like good etiquette… especially if you’re in a new relationship?

        I’d really love to hear Matthew’s perspective on this!!! Sorry if it’s too much of a tangent, but I didn’t know where else to ask! Thanks! xx

  62. Aliya says:


    English is not my mother tongue so, I am sorry for any mistakes I might make.

    I met a guy few months ago. At the beginning, he liked me but I did not because it was too soon for me, I did not know him enough by that time.
    We became good friends and got to know each other. I started liking him more than just a friend.
    I let him know about my feelings. But he just said he liked an other girl. I just said « OK »
    And then he told me : « the truth is that I like you but I can’t be in any relationship with you because you are the marrying type »

    He send me a text two hours later to tell me that to him I was special even though we were not in any relationship.

    PS : I love your videos and thank you very much for all your very useful advice. I wish you all the best for this new year :)

  63. Chantel says:


    First I would like to thank you for your daily letters I honestly value your advice and I’m putting it into action.

    I fell for a guy that was working with me, he was also attracted to me or so I thought. We begin flirting after a few months and after a month we were kind of seeing each other, but kept it under wraps because we didn’t want people to find out at work. In the meantime, he was chatting up another girl who works with us as well. The one day when we had a team building activity, we all went to a bar afterwards. The girl he was chatting up was also there. He’s behaviour that night was just different and I couldn’t understand why, till later that evening as we were about to go back, I realized that something was going on between the two. We all took a cab together as we live in the same area and my stop was the first so on purpose I asked him to get off with me(as usual) and he refused. He asked me what was wrong with me and why I would ask him to get off at my place. He was acting like Im crazy or something. I was really hurt, confused and embarrassed. The humilation I felt there and then, I can not begin to describe. The girls in the car laughed at me because it was obvious he had decided to go with the other girl home. The very next day he called me to apologize and give me excuses that didn’t make sense. I didn’t take him back but I feel like I need to regain my dignity. How do I do that and how can I prevent this from happening again? I think I’m bad judge of character.

  64. Renee says:

    I’ve been rejected Twice as well, once when I was in 4th grade I think – there was this guy I liked – valentines was coming up – I ended up buying him a stuffed toy – and since I wasn’t brave enough to give it to him, I gave it to his sister – the next day he came up to my desk and called me the worst name ever (I still remember the exact words he said) – it hurt – and I stopped liking him right then and there.
    The second time was when I was 19, I was in collage and one of my teachers told me (assigned me) to talk to this guy I liked (for 6yrs)(what a waste of time!) – so I did, I eventually mustered up the courage and went over there – started talking (very poorly I must say) and he NEVER once looked up at me! he kept his face to his phone and was texting someone while I was talking (he didn’t even acknowledge me!) – I left there thinking man! I am not going to do that again (I was embarrassed for a LONG time) but that did end my long crush on him for good. – I swore I would not like somebody for that long again – without ever talking to them – they will have to say something to me or vise versa – but in silence I won’t like someone for that long again unless I know there is attraction.

  65. odarya says:

    I got rejected by my best friend…. over the phone.. I once was feeling a bit too brave and told him but he didn’t like me in that way…. we continued being friends afterwards with no issues but it was killing me inside…

    a mutual friend told me that he rejected me because im dark-skinned… because im DARK.*sigh*… ever since I found out I have been having self-esteem issues as I don’t feel beautiful or pretty anymore………

    it truly hurt me and I feel unloved and unwanted.. I have lost faith in love.

    • kadiy kay says:

      I have the same problem that you do because I leave this situation now I told hem that I love hem and he didn’t say anything and that really hurt

  66. Jeff says:

    Hi, Matt!
    You’re right when you’re saying about “value”, and me personally think that it’s a very very personal thing, you know, some people just do nothing and always have a value, but some have to struggle for that. On the other part maybe those people who struggle they just do something wrong because they don’t know how to show the value in a natural way. Just thoughts.
    Thank you for advices!

  67. anna says:

    My worse rejection happen before christmas, a man that i wish to be with me been cheated me after i found out that his talking and flirting with another woman, I thought is like end of the world because i love him so much. We never had a formal breakup i just stop talking to him and sending him email. Now my life is very sad and not happy anymore :(

  68. Mercy says:

    One of the worst rejections is when a guy (or multiple guys through out the year) really hits on you at work, and comes in your work place a few times that month still hitting on you. Then all of a sudden he stops coming in, then the next time he comes its with his girlfriend!

    I know men and women like to flirt, but cone on! If you are already taken you are off the market! Frusterating but in a way, kinda funny :)

  69. Vanessa says:

    The rejection I still remember today happened when I was around 16 (twenty years ago). There was a really cute dreadlocked German exchange student at my high school. I watched him for a few weeks then just walked up to him in the stairway one day and asked him if he wanted “to do something some time”. He said “I’m doing something all the time”. I said “every day forever?” And he said yes. So I turned red and said “okay” and walked away. He told the girl he was staying with and her friends, and a lot of people knew I had hit on him, and thought I was pretty strange for doing it. After that he stared at me a lot, but I just ducked it. I remember this rejection so clearly because the whole thing was very weird. I would never just ask out a stranger today. But when I was young and full of hormones things like this seemed like a great idea! :)

  70. Steph says:

    Hi Matthew,

    Just a message to say thank you for all of the amazing advice. It really has been life changing for me. I’d like to share my story too.

    I have been rejected many times in my life, from boys I had crushes on when I was younger to guys I liked but just didn’t connect with me or appreciate me for myself and rejected me in high school and university.

    I was rejected two years ago by my french tutor who I liked for a long time, we had a date but it didn’t go too well and I ended up feeling miserable when he up and left the country with not so much as a word.

    Rejection is a pretty horrible feeling but during that time I took in a lot of your advice on youtube, your website and reading your e-book. Instead of focusing on other people, I decided to focus on myself and being the best person I could be and what I wanted to get out of life. It wasn’t easy but I felt a lot happier. Later on I was asked out by a really nice guy at my university who I met through a mutual friend of ours.

    I was very anxious at first, I was scared, worried and didn’t want to be rejected again but I had faith in myself and took the chance. I’m very happy to say that we’ve now been together for just over a year. :)
    To everyone out there who feels rejection, don’t treat it as something to feel low about, rather see each one as a pillar which will help you overcome the greater obstacles in life and add to your value as a person. Be happy and be true to yourself. :)

  71. Clara says:

    I had a an exotic romance on my travels in Bolivia, I met a guy who was quite a bit taller than me (which is rare in Bolivia as I’m 6 ft!)..
    We had amazing chemistry and had an amazing week or 2 together spending as much time together as possible..
    I went off travelling for a weekend and when I came back he said he had something to tell me.. He had met an American girl the Friday I went away and didn’t know what to do as he liked us both.. I was confident and certain he’d pick me as I really felt like we had something between us and he said he’d call me the next day to say what he’d decided.. the next day he didn’t contact me..
    I went out with my friends in the evening only to see him out with her.. I was not happy and had a massive go at him in my broken Spanish (it felt good!).. The rest of that evening I was really upset and felt so rejected but the next day I woke up and thought f*** it, his loss! There are plenty more exotic men out there for me!

  72. Shelley says:

    When I was in gradeschool. My boyfriend dumped me of 3 days for another girl in my class. I only had 2 boyfriends the other I dumped because I guess I was afraid of what would happen next. I have never had a serious relationship before and right now I really want one! So I’m not quite sure how this love thing works!

  73. Allison Buist says:

    Ok I have been single now for 4 years. I have dated now and again through this time but none of them stuck. Either they just didn’t call back or I wouldn’t sleep with them after the 3rd date so I got the “it’s nice meeting you” I admit a part of me did feel rejected, BUT I didn’t take it too hard because there was something wrong with each of these men who fell away. Either they weren’t over their ex or they drank too much, or hey they just wanted me for sex. I have recently been morning my single state but all in all I am glad that I didn’t settle for something less than I deserve. I am also happy that I still value myself enough to not compromise the way I expect to be treated just to be with someone. So still single and my value is growing every day! If they reject me I am glad that they saved me and them from wasting each others time :)

  74. Nadia says:

    Hi Matt!! I am Nadia your biggest fan in Egypt. Back at university there was this guy I really liked and we were supposed to go out after the midterms, (he used to give me signals that he is interested and likes me) anyway on the day we were gona go out he texts me just saying “Hi Nadia I don’t wana go out with you” I was stunned… a few weeks later I saw him and I said hi so cooly and left. I remember he was really stunned how well I took it…. turns out he was a jerk.

  75. Monika says:

    the feeling of rejection is one of the hardest feelings we expierience after breaking up i think. i’ve been with a guy for about 8 months and we’ve stoped seeing each other about 2 month ago. first few months have been wonderful, i had a feeling that finally he is that one i was looking for. as things happend to seem more serious i felt sometimes that my boyfriend becomes more distant and few weeks before everything ended up he seemed to pull away, saying that he’s busy so he couldn’t call or text etc.Last day we’ve seen each other he was very silent, saying just that he’s happy but feels very tired. the next day he called me as usually in the evening saying that for now he wants to stop seeing each other because he doesn’t know yet what or who he wants or when….. i was devastated… i’ve asked him to see me and talk as i didn’t want to talk out things like that by phone or via texts. he’s said that we’ll see each other soon but that has never happend. for me personally this kind of rejection is really hard and hurts so much.

  76. SARS says:

    I met a really cool guy through a mutual friend and we instantly hit it off. Within two meetings I had a massive – hearts a fluttering almost teenage crush. After a series of facebook chats and meetings including getting stuck on a mountain together on New Years Day, we finally kissed on a night out. I thought this was it, fate had dealt me an ace, finally I had found a good one – it had to be!
    Well two days of radio silence followed. My heart slowly sank until finally the guillotine fell – I got one casual text detailing how bad his hangover was after our night out. I should add a disclaimer here, he was not drunk. Burn!! Illusion shattered, wedding cancelled, mountaineering lessons for one required.

  77. kerry says:

    So…I wanted to share a massive rejection for me was with an ex who made out i was the best girlfriend ever and we were in a good place to then end it out of the blue.. 2 days later he went on holiday and i found out he was seeing an older woman, i was 26 at that time. Not long after she fell pregnant. I was devestated..it took me 3 years to fully achknowlege what i had allowed to manifest in my life..in all that time i used time productively to work on myself..today i welcome all forms of rejection and make positive healthy choices because i see my self worth in all i do..i am currently single by choice..but am ready in 2013 to face love fearlessly. Thanks Matthew for the amazing encouragement and self worth awareness you bring to woman.. my spark has re-emerged.

  78. alexia says:

    I’M SO PETRIFIED about rejection so thank you so much about these advices about it because it really helped me to open my mind!

  79. jg says:

    agh… rejection…. its a very painful but very old friend of mine :/ im visiting family in europe right now, partly to get away having been rejected right out of a job recently in LA, but rejection has followed me and been the bane of my existance for years. i won’t go through them all, b/c honestly, except for one guy in 2011, all the others i have met in the last few years have rejected me: either directly, texting me the equivalent of “thanks but no thanks”… or seeminginly interested and pursuing me and suddenly saying “oh i don’t want anything with you” or “oh well im not ready, i can’t, its not you its me” and a whole lot of other cliches that makes me sick to my stomach if i even think about it.. often though…i get a lot of indirect rejection too (disappearing) that hurts more than anything else honestly.
    the last guy was back in september… we were barely casually dating.. just getting to know eachother but seemed we had the same sense of humor, intersests, etc.. and i wasn’t even sure how into him i was but i was willing to try it out… out of nowhere , and i mean NOWHERE… the last text we shared was joking around and us laughing and goofing off…. and the next day out of the blue he just says “i don’t know i can’t explain it i just can’t do this”…
    i met a guy over new years, just over a week ago at a singles event.. older, a doctor.. and while he knows im here just temporarily, still, he took me to this new years party, showed me around the downtown NYE celebration… and we exchanged a few texts and he said how much he’d like to show me around town etc… he suddenly disappeared… no text no nothing.

    there is part of me that feels im starting to shut off to men entirely. i can’t handle it anymore.

    ive analyzed it back and forth, and alot of these rejections are radically different… but some are quite similar.. and the common denominator is always me. hence, i come to the conclusion that there is something severely wrong with me… im inherently not dateable or lacking the “relationship” gene as i call it. i have many friends, yet my last REAL relationship (that last 7 yrs) ended in 2007.

    i fell in love once since, with a sex addict/womanizer…. something i found out about well after the fact. in many ways, his “come here, go away” methods were a unqiue form of rejection that ate away at my self esteem… and it took a long time to recover.

    and yet, rejection keeps happening, and i continue losing hope that anything will ever change for me.

    it really really hurts… and im really tired of trying and putting myself out there even a little bit. i think ive lost hope. im 38 and tired of this. its demoralizing.

  80. Steph says:

    Ok this is strange but it seems to have made me feel better reading all of these so I will share mine.

    I was with a guy for about three months and he didn’t want to kiss me as he wanted to take things slow. He told me that we were casually dating but that he was only dating me…later he said he will never be ready for a relationship and three weeks later he was dating someone new haha! But I viewed that as his problem not mine…despite the fact I felt unwanted for agggess I got over it. :-)

  81. Zubi says:

    In the past 5 years I have personally approached 3 guys..all with the same name of Omar! LOL ! the name itself means: eloquent and gifted Speaker! needless to say… the first two Omars were younger than me and to this day we are close friends and we continue to share a lot of laughs.

    The third Omar, I was rejected by him in the most beautiful way–it didn’t even feel like a rejection-but it was a clear No (i’ve got to figure my life out etc.) He said, Zubi, you truly understand me and what I am going through, you make me laugh a lot, I am attracted to you- however I just came out of a relationship, am heartbroken and need to figure out my career path etc.

    One of the greatest things I have learned from all 3 rejections is that I know I am adored for who I am. I have learned that we have to fail forward to Success. Being rejected is obviously not fun, but after a few months… I would feel a huge sense of relief!! THANK GOODNESS those Omars rejected me !! It’s better to be told “No” early on than to be in a love fantasy forever !! You have to realize your heart is a huge investment- if someone says no to your investment…thats oOKAY- they just saved you a whole lot of time !!

    I am a very spiritual person and one of the Prayers that I keep praying is; “God Guide my footsteps to the right path..the right path to where my success lies, to where my husband is, to where exactly I need to be!”

    …In order for God To guide us… we have to be willing to take the steps forward !!!

  82. Nicola Gamboa says:

    I was rejected when I (embarrassedly) went to my ex-boyfriend’s house as a surprise visit and his then girlfriend was already on her way to his house. I mean that was four years ago and I still laugh at myself for behaving that way!

  83. Christine says:

    One recent time I was rejected was at work, I had this huge crush on a guy I worked with, and I managed to get him alone, and I told him “I have to tell you something.” And he said “What?” and I said, “Just that-I like you.” And he said in a joking, teasing way “We’ve been through this!” And I said, “Well, I know, but it was two years ago and I thought you might’ve forgotten.” And he didn’t really say anything. Keep in mind this is a guy with a girlfriend, but I believe that you should always speak your mind, and tell people how you feel, because we only have one life. I had already told him I liked him two years ago, and he didn’t say anything in response. So I took that to be a rejection. And this was a second rejection as well. I’m still kind of bummed about it, since I think we’re kindred spirits, but I’ve gone on with my life and been interested in other guys.

    • Christine says:

      Also, I should mention I was pretty good friends with this guy, at work at least, and I worked with him for about 3 or 4 years.

  84. Sandra says:

    I had a client that I had a big crush for. I had mixed signals from him. I wasn’t sure he liked me but I knew there was something. It went on for a few months. His employees insisted that he liked me but that he may be too shy so I decided to make a move on him. I went to his office one evening, he was there, alone. We talked business and then it got friendly and we had an excellent time. I finally got up to leave, he walked me to the building door and said goodbye. I took a few steps and then looked back at him. He smiled and said, “Oh how rude of me,” and reached down to shake my hand. In that moment, I went for it and kissed him in the lips. He kissed back. Kiss ended and I walked away without saying anything.

    I didn’t call or anything. He didn’t either. A couple of weeks later, I had to stop by his office to drop off some stuff. I wasn’t planning on seeing him since I didn’t know what to do or how to act, or what to say. The employee told me his boss had been expecting me. I said I had to but my client came out, walked me to his office and said that the kiss was excellent and sweet but that he was not in a position to fall in love. I said, “I thought you liked me?” he said, “yes, but I am not ready for marriage.” I said, “Ok” I left and just wondered what his problem was. I thought it was only a kiss but he was thinking marriage?!? strange. He is still my client but it is all business.

  85. Lisa says:

    Thanks for the amazing advice. I feel like this year is going to be – and already is the most exciting one so far. You might be interested in my new year’s resolution which is not to ever let fear stop me from something I wish to do. And I really go for it. I already see big changes in my life, which is incredible how fast it can go.
    So last week-end I finally decided to clear up a situation between me and a guy, which was really awkward the last past months and called him. So here it comes up with rejection. I thought he would think more of me than a “You are quiet OK” but I have to say, I get over this pretty fast. It’s absolutely better to have things clear so now I can move on in my love life again. I hope to meet some great guys this year, great dates but also rejections – to learn from them.

  86. kobbs says:

    I summoned the courage to call a guy I had a crush on back in college. I was visiting friends in the town where he lives so I left him a voice mail inviting him to a drink or coffee. His voice mail said he would get back to people before the end of business, but he never returned my call.
    I am disappointed – but now I can finally stop playing the “what if?” game. I don’t regret taking the risk, and as you’ve taught us – I was not afraid to look foolish, and I chose to create instead of wait.

  87. mayora says:

    Hey matthew I have been talking to this guy on facebook for a while and he had shown me that he cares and wants to be with me but when he went to the usa to finish school everything changed because he used to love talking to me everyday for 5 or six hours and he told me everything about himself and his family , his past relationships I mean everything but I font know what happened now like we barely talk once a week ?? What does that mean ??? And he can’t be that busy !! But its like I love him so I can’t really just let go and move on before letting him know !! So what do you think matt of him ? Does he like me ?? And one more thing how would you feel about a girl telling a guy first that she likes him ?? Wil he freak out ? Is it worth it or should I wait ? I need your help plz :)

  88. Helle says:

    Happy new year!

    Before Christmas i was dating a guy and it was great. He seemed to be in the place where he was looking for a serious relationship. Being the right place in his life. He was 40 years old and a doctor. I really fell in love but there was something i couldn’t put my finger on. I somehow didn’t trust him. Then after 5 great weeks out of the blue he broke up with me and i was crushed. He did this via text and i couldn’t get a hold of him. He even had the keys to my flat.
    At the time we had been dating, i had been attending get the guy online. I remenbered the session on players and i got a bad feeling about doctor no good.
    Well by not getting angry and stroking his ego I Got back in tuch with him via texts and i got him to send back my keys and then he told me he was married and had a two year old son.
    Instead of swearing of men I have decided go out there again and risk a broken hart. I mean how many do I have to go through to find mr. Right and not doctor no good ? Anyway I am ready to go through as many as it takes. The more the risk the greater the gain:)

    Thank you Matt. You have really made a difference in my life. Thanks to you I am able to see the funny side of this hart breaking experience and this is helping me to move on. I can’t waste time on the doctor no good’s in this world. I’m 36 years old I want to spend my time with mr. Right.
    Big hugs from Copenhagen.

    Helle :)

  89. Yoshimi says:

    It takes a lot for me to really like a guy enough to agree to be his girlfriend…but last Summer, I finally met a guy who was very confident, hot, really fun and funny. I thought he was perfect. He would write me sweet poems, and even told me that he loved me. I tried not to believe it all too much in the beginning, because he was a stripper, and the smooth-talking playboy type. But after a few weeks, I gave in, and believed it all, and thought that I was in love with him! One morning, I stopped by his house to see if he wanted to grab breakfast with me, and a little dog started yapping when I rang the door bell, and he never answered. He doesn’t have a dog, so I thought it was strange. Later I found out that he was also dating his ex and was trying to date both of us at the same time! Me and his ex started talking, and found out that he had been sending us the same sappy love poems, and making up lies about where he was at when he was hanging out with the other one. We both dumped him, but this was the most rejected I’ve ever felt. It was horrible, and I didn’t really know how to deal with it!

  90. Amila says:

    i dunno if that is rejection or that i fell for the (i’m not ready to commit) type a guy. we were attached since 3 years now… whenever the talk come about a relationship or something serious between us, he say that ‘m the best girl he has ever met and he’s not ready, we are friends.
    and stupid idiot me i keep on the contact although that crap he says.
    he is not rejecting me, he is so nice and caring…
    but i want him in relation, he is not my friend inside me, i do wanna marry him. :D


  91. Maria says:

    This autumn I met a sexy guy that I dated for about a month. My friend had warned me about his past, even told me about his recent break up, but I decided to give him a chance anyway.
    For our first date he took me to watch a fotball match with his friends. None of us payed attention and we ended up leaving without knowing the results of his favorite team :) As he drove me home we discussed how tragic it is when x´s get back together, knowing it didn’t work out the first time, when there are so many people that could be right. And also how it´s better to be alone, than with the wrong person. He convinced me he was over his x as he kissed me goodnight :)
    The day after he called and we had the sweetest conversation, and within the first week I had told him that I wanted something real, special and serious.
    Two weeks later I invited him to a party. We had a blast and he kept reminding me how beautiful he found me when I danced. And when we kissed everything felt right.
    But after this he started to show some bad qualities and I started to question the whole guy. He asked me on dates and cancelled an hour before etc…
    A week after this he called to let me know he was back together with his x. I told him congratulations, and that I hoped it would work out this time.

    Even though I knew in my heart that it was his loss, and that our values were different, it still hurt when it ended. If I´m honest with myself I felt rejected.
    I guess I just need to learn how to not confuse the chemistry with the guy being special :) Because values are so important if it´s going to last!

  92. Mati says:

    I went to meet this guy to where he lives (I live in Spain he lives in Portugal) and once I got there he told me a series of different excuses like that she had a girlfriend who didn’t want us to meet and stuff which I never believed. Then he talked to me to wish me a happy new year( we hadn’t talked since the “incident”) and of course I told him I was still mad at him but he responded saying that I had invented the girlfriend excuse and that it was impossible for us to meet that day and that he really regrets it. What am I supposed to do? continue talking to him or just leave him alone? HELP!


    • Allison Buist says:

      Forget about him. Remember to value yourself!!! Too many times we do things to make a guy vote for us…when we should be voting for ourselves!! Move on and find someone who votes for you too! :)

  93. Gladys says:

    A couple of weeks ago, in my attempt to clarify a confusing situation with a guy, I set up a date with this guy. He canceled the day before when I’ve already told my friends we were going with them, ice skating. He asked me if it was really that important. Well that shows how NOT into me he was! I still went ice skating, had a great time with friends I haven’t seen in about a year. Afterwards I went to watch The Hobbit in 3D by myself (everyone else from the skating party wanted to see Les Mis), which cheered me up.

  94. Kelly says:

    For me the possibility and hope of what may happen or the excitement of a new journey in my life far outweighs any possible rejection. I would rather know and move on then wonder what may have been. I have never had any problem putting myself out there because the worst outcome is a ‘no’ and the best outcome can be amazing. I think the problem exists when you invest a lot of time and yourself into someone. At that point rejection can be difficult and feel very personal. But remember….as one door closes another one opens. This may be a digression, but I am Canadian and as Justin Beiber says in one of his songs…’there are 7 billion people in the world’. When I get discouraged I just think about that statistic! Isn’t it wonderful!!!! (my problem is knowing when a relationship is not right for me and when to move on…I don’t know what is realistic to expect from a partner)

  95. Sophie says:

    Hi Matt,
    Thanks for the tips! they are great.

    Okay, So I’ve been (sort of) rejected two days ago. I met a quy at a new years party. I was very atracted to him, even though he wasn’t realy my type of guy.
    So, we just decided to have fun just that night. I don’t usually do this often, but it can be fun when both people are expecting the same thing.
    The next morning I left after breakfast, I didn’t give my number, neither did he.

    Two days ago I got a text. Apperently he got my phone number via a mutual friend. The message said that i should expect anything from him, and that we should make a big deal about it.

    Huh!? that was sort of allready the plan.

    I know it is ridiculous, but I was totaly offended by this. It feels like a rejection some how. Maybe it is just my ego that got a little scratch. :)

    Perhaps it is not a real rejection, but I thought it might be a good addition to the list.

    Warm wishes! Sophie

  96. raya says:

    That is the best advise i heard for a long time, on to accept rejection and how to learn to cope with it, I was rejected few years ago by my best friend whom i fall for,it was a painful experience but i guess i learned how not to take things personally, people are people and human beings and we cant control others but only our action and reaction.
    Thank you
    lots of best wishes to you

  97. Ellie says:

    I’ve been rejected a few times now but it always seems to be in the same way. A guy will start to take interest in me and start flirting. I usually don’t have any feelings for them at first but as soon as their charm works and I think we might have something going, they change their minds and pretend nothing happened. I don’t believe this is me getting my signals wrong, especially because friends of these guys will tell me that he is interested.

    Has anyone else been through this kind of scenario?

    • jg says:

      this exact thing seems to happen to me time and time again… it starts out that im the one who is perhaps a little unsure, a little hesitant or perhaps not even attracted to the other guy.. yet he is the one who takes the time to win me over, or starts talking to me, starts showing interest, and i begin to feel there is real potential. i get to the point where im ready to let the relationship unfold as it will, and right about that time, the guy calls it off. this is what happened to me this past september, and to some extent just this past New Years eve. … so believe me, you are definitely not the only one. it sucks tho, and im struggling to understand this painful pattern myself.

  98. Jolie says:

    Dear Matt, Thank you for the video! x

    I got betrayed by my ex boyfriend of 3 yrs before he finally left me with other women and girls. There was alot of tenderness for each other, but I didnt trust him and ended badly. It was painful. We took time apart to move on. I miss him, i’ll keep in touch with him through messages casually. He’s attached but doesn’t love his current girlfriend. It’s been a year, I feel stuck and rejected, maybe its my imagination but i don’t think love is over btwn us. I hope to bring back trust, have a gd time with him and feel attractive again. At the same time, I do want to start this year fresh, to know what i want and to pursue it with joy and self confidence. What do you think and how should I deal with this situation? :)

    • Jolie says:

      I believe everyone deserves better. And it’s really not difficult for anyone to get attached. But the way to seek self confidence by a woman may be a little different than most men do. I want to be valuable and be exclusive esp being a woman. I really want to fall in love like a child, boldly again this year! Easy to say, not sure which way to go. Ive been thinking hard…!

    • VIC says:

      dear jolie, i have to reply to your post,as it really hurts me to even read this..
      sweetheart, this guy betrayed you and now he is with a girl, who he doesnt love(i doubt he tells her in the face, he doesnt love her)..
      i mean, come on, what does it say bout him? what kinda person is he?
      he aint honest, he doesnt value other people much, he probably isnt even a very happy human beeing, otherwise he would not be in a relationsship with somene he doesnt love..
      sweety, please, i dont know you, but i beg you, forget this guy! you want to be with someone honest and nice and someone, who has good values!! its a new year, spring is coming soon and there is plenty of amazin funny cool guys, who you could date n go for icecream and walks n movies..isnt this more exciting , then waiting for a cheater to dump his girlfriend…you have only one life, make the most out of it!!! otherwise one day, when you re 80 and look back, you totally regret how much time u wasted..love should be fun!! it should not hurt!! all m best wishes for you!! stay strong and before wastin time thinkin bout him, go out n buy new shoes or lipstick or somethin that makes you feel sexy ;)

      • Jolie says:

        Thanks VIC. You will never believe how silly it is for me, to let go of other opportunities, desired by other suitors who were very attractive and attracted to me. The hurt received makes me disoriented. It is unbelievable for one man who has won me over with his lies. This message (im grateful to) from you who do not know me, has to knock me out of my senses. I realize it is not only a woman with a complete life is attractive, she has to feel confident within, stronger to reject what’s not right and stand by it. It’s a new year, and it’s great to receive your message! Thank you very much.

  99. Korrin says:

    I’m 16 years old and I had my heart broken this last summer. I met this boy at a poetry read I was doing with my school, I was nervous and he came up to me and asked if I was ok. We started talking and walking and before I knew it I was falling for him. After I did my read he told me I was amazing and lots of other sweet cheesy lines followed. He never officially asked me out on a date but we hung out all the time, we were atracted to eacth other. I was hesitant about the love thing, maybe I just knew. But I would occassionally ask him, if he meant it when he would say “I love you forever.” He asked me to trust him, and I stupidly did. I trusted him with my heart and he threw it back to me over a telephone line “We need to just be frineds.” I was devestated. Later I found out he was using me and another of my friends to cheat on his long time girlfriend. Three months later, his girlfriend and him each send me a message announcing they’re engaged. he is 19 and she is 16. Well yesterday he calls me and says he just needs a friend, things aren’t working the way he thought they would with Lexi (Girlfriend he cheated on). I listened. He asked for advice on his relationship. Is it wrong that that really hurt? Is it wrong that I’m still not totally over him? Why does my heart still skip a beat when I see a message from him on my phone? I’m really not sure what to do. I know not to trust him anymore, but being the manipulative person he is it always starts with “I just need a friend.” Am I being an awful person, if I were to say “Find one somewhere else.”?

    The other thing, when he called me I told him we needed to meet and talk in person. I asked him if there was someone else… I’ve never felt so worthless or used as when he nodded and said “yes there is.” Did I do something wrong? Was I not good enough?
    It only got worse when I realized he’d been cheating with me. I feel like a horrible person, because I didn’t have all the facts.

    Any way, bottom line is he hurt me, and a close friend of mine in the same way, and he’s still playing with my emotions, so yeah, I’d say that’s regection. At least my run in with it.
    Any advice on how I should handle the situation would be welcome. I’m lost, confused and hurting. So please, any words of wisdom would be welcome.

    • Amanda says:

      . There Are loads of things you can do and spend your time thinking about than boys. Life belive it or not is far too short to be wasting your time musing over someone who is not into you – move on. Find a hobby and immerse your self init. Get to know you, your likes and dislikes. Love yourself. Go,to,the gym. Love your family. – he will come one day but don’t wait around for it. Keep busy.

    • VIC says:

      hey korrin,
      aaawwww, i can imagine you feel lost n totally awfull, but even if i m just a stranger, let me tell you something: this will pass sooo sooo quick..
      STOP blaiming yourself for what happened and, most important, stop thinking about it!!
      you are 16 now, so just “be happy” you learned that “game” already, this gonna save you from lots of tears in future..
      just dont think bout it as rejection or anything, just see it as a lesson in life..its not your fault, he probably is doing this with many other girls, and if it wouldnt had been you, it would ve been someone else..
      so stop thinkin it has anything to do with you, as its simply not your fault..
      but you know what is your fault/responsibility: to think this guy wants be your friend and still talkin to him.
      seriously, he is making you feel shit! and you are wasting your time, by listenin to his stories, on how things not work out with his girl.
      (to check how much he cares bout you, try the following trick: call him really late in evenin,or some weird unconvenient time, say your bike broke on way home(or whatever “emergency”), you re other side of town and really need a friend to come pick you up n drive you home..or somethin like that, i think u get the point here..).
      i had countless guys trying to get me into cheating on their girlfriends/wifes and all tell more or less the same story, they tell you how bad things goes with their gf, they tell you how misunderstood they feel, they kinda try to make you feel special, as if you would be the one, who actually understands them, its like a lil carrot they keep dangling infront of your nose, to give you the hope, they might break up n come together with you..but this never ever happens, they just do it to keep you warm, for the case their girlfriend gonna dump them, or for the case they just wanna sleep with you again..
      seriously girl, stop worryin , stop thinkin about him, stop anwsering his mails..you know, the best advice someone gave me once is: BEST REVENGE ON AN EX IS, IF YOU ARE FEELING FABULOUS N AMAZIN N HAPPY.. :)

    • Nina says:

      You said the following: “I’m really not sure what to do. I know not to trust him anymore, but being the manipulative person he is it always starts with “I just need a friend.” Am I being an awful person, if I were to say “Find one somewhere else.”?”
      My answer: NO!! You are not an awful person for choosing to stay clear of someone who is only using you. Matthew talks about “high value” and you are!! But you have to see it in yourself. You are complete all on your own. Your life can be fun, joyful, and fulfilling even if you’re single! You make the rules. You get to decide each day to be happy! You have the power to make your life exactly what you want it to be. Don’t wait around for someone else to fill a void you feel inside. Reach out to others around you whose challenges may be greater than your own, do the things that lift your heart, refine your talents, strengthen your weaknesses. These are things you can change. You can’t change someone else. You can only change you.

  100. Ivona says:

    Hey Matthew!!
    I’m 15 years old right now and I have my real crush for the 1st time. Sure, I liked boys before but it was never this serious. So, he is a senior and his name is also Matthew, and he is leaving this year. I hope something will happen but I know it won’t, so I’m getting rejected everyday a little bit but thanks on this video, I hope I’ll survive untill he’s gone :D Greethings from Croatia! xx

  101. CC says:

    The ultimate rejection – about 8 years ago, the man I was in love with, wanted to marry, and have a family with got a vasectomy. It goes without saying that I was devastated, and in a way, I still am. It took me a very long time to get myself free of him. And even though I did finally let him go completely about 8 months ago, I still think about him daily. I kept thinking he would see how wonderful I really am, and he would change his mind. I’m almost 45 now, and now I will never have a child. Rejection: the gift that keeps on giving. Forever.

  102. Nomie says:

    Hey Matt,

    thanks for all your posts, really enjoy them.

    i experienced rejection not so long ago. i met a guy on the net, we hit it off til we met in person. i was intimidated by him and it made the date kind’ve awkward. i’ve had a difficult time overcoming this as i blame myself for not being the bubbly, talkative person that i usually am. i have all these questions in my mind. was he not attracted to me in person, did i bore him to death?! we not on bad terms or anything, but i would’ve obviously liked for a happy ending. im doing my best to just do me…im feeling so uninspired…

  103. Magicka says:

    Well……actually I was with this guy for sumtime..l.but this got a little rough. I wasn’t reli attracted to him after sumtime…..but now I realise tat all i reli want is him to b by my side n for him to b with me through thick n thin…..I was so stupid to not realise tat before.n I have no idea on how to tell him bout my feelings towards him coz I’m scared that he might reject me.

  104. Marleen says:

    I’ve been dating a guy for 1,5 months, we committed since then for one more month and it became less and less fun (I was panicking most of the time, trying to use the get the guy techniques though :S) and we had a ‘serious’ talk but both of us were so nervous that we didn’t really really talk, but still decided to carry on the relationship and 2 days later he cheated on me. He texts me 2 days before new years eve saying he didn’t ‘behave’ at the Christmas party he was at. And later we spoke on the phone and he said maybe he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. Of course I said: you could have told me that earlier jerk. I was sad and angry, we texted back and forth, (both sending angry messages) and later he said that if I wanted to talk about it, we could meet up. But I didn’t I was just too sad and it wouldn’t change the facts anyway (plus all my friends said “don’t do it, he’ll only hurt you more or try to carry on with you, but you cannot accept”). So didn’t see him since then (kind of regret it because there are a tons of things I’d like to know, but it’s been 9 days now). It feels weird because I wasn’t so sure about him and that’s why I didn’t sleep with him at all, I wasn’t my best self in the later stages because I grew very insecure (he has a way better and active life than I do at the moment- I don’t even have a job…) and I wanted to break up a couple of times, but still I stayed, because he is handsome and attractive and intelligent and I wanted this to work. Even though I wasn’t madly in love I felt heartbroken when he’d cheated because that means he didn’t respect me. Plus when we sent each other angry texts he said: “You can’t blame me for not being in love with you” auch.. well I wasn’t in love with him either, but that was fine with me, because I’m afraid to fall in love. I’m afraid to get hurt and now it happened anyway. So this was my rejection. Any words of advice for the futur? Or how to deal with this? I miss him and I wish I’d meet up with him so I knew why he cheated, I don’t want this to ever happen again. Is it too late to call him and meet up?

    • Marleen says:

      plus he wasn’t just handsome, he also put effort into the relationship, cooked for me 3 times, took me out on fun dates (in the beginning). But later he stopped calling (even when I was sick for 3 weeks! But we’d still meet up once a week. I told him I’d love for him to call me more, but he didn’t. He later said that he doensn’t want to be pressured and meet my expectations.

    • Amila says:

      why didn’t u spend the new years with him??!!!! u were together… u were in relation, why didn’t u spend the night with him and had fun and went to the party together!!
      am afriad u didn’t “fully filled” him with u… so he had fun somewhere else :/

  105. brenda says:

    I guess you can say… I did the rejection before he could. Things were getting a little flirty with this guy at work. I would catch him staring at me alot. And he had no problem talking to me out of the blue. A lot of flirting on his half. Things were getting too emotional on my behalf. I transferred to another location. Mainly because I was scared of my feelings I had for him. I go back to this location every once and a while (to see my friends) and I would catch him staring at me again. But he would never come up to me and talk. I want to talk to him but I get scared of my feelings ( and I guess of the thought he might reject me now) so, I end up leaving without talking to him…then hate myself later.

  106. Ann says:

    Hi Matthew

    I must say that you are looking good and can’t believe that anyone has rejected you! Anyway I’ve been rejected recently. I go salsa dancing and the etiquette on the dance floor is that if anyone asks you to dance then you dance with them after the dance you say thank you and move on. I asked a guy to dance and he said no, I was a bit shocked as I was with a guy (a friend). He told me not to worry and led me away! When I go dacning I want to dance but some guys just stand there obviously eyeing up the talent so I don’t get asked to dance a lot! :( What are the tips for me to look as I want to dance and have a laugh but nothing else ? Ann

  107. Heidi I NAUEN says:

    Hi Mathew,

    I have been working with this guy at my job for over a year now. always flirting, and high-five me looking for reasons to be near me. some times he is very chatty and the next hour he won’t even talk to me. today when I got to work he smiled and said hows it going. this has been going on for so long now my friends think I shoul wait and see what
    happens.what do you think?


    • Amanda says:

      You have two choices. First ask him why he keeps staring at you, ask is it because he finds you so groundouts and has he ever seen anything like you in the world! Secomdly IGNORE HIM. Find someone else to flirt with, go to lunch with.

  108. sara says:

    Dear Matt! Hi, I have been in a realationship with someone who told me that i just want you for sex! he broke my heart! you know it is forbidden in my religion and my country to have sex before marriage! i really like him and have feelings for him but he just want sex and fun. what shall i do?

    • Nina says:

      What do you do? You RUN. As far as you can. Run far, run fast, and run now! This guy isn’t interested in you. He’s probably not even interested in your body. He’s interested in pleasing only himself no matter the cost and NO woman should EVER accept that. You are worth SO much more! If you need to do something, take care of someone who’s struggling more than you. Look outside yourself for opportunities to lift others around you. As you offer a hand to someone in greater need than you, your own pain will be lifted and you will find joy – real, lasting joy – in spite of any rejection.

  109. Avemaria says:


    This happen a 3x years ago. I was not having a good day I nervous of serious situation I was going thru at the time. Well I went to work of course thinking of my situation I notice this guy in my check line that was quite handsome I thought he caught me checking him out literally. Well we could take our eyes of each other. Every time I was checking another customer out of my line he is staring at me but would not crack a smile as soon as he got closer like 2 customers away he cracked a HUGE SMILE. I knew the guy but my mind could not put the finger on it. Then I realize who it was. He burned a cell in my brain that was sooooooo strong I could get this guy out of my head. 2 months went by I did not see him so I picked up the phone and asked this guy out for a drink he said NO! he was attached ( I believe it was fabrication because he responsed with an um first and also took him a few minutes to come up with something. Yes he listen to me but he got a little upset and a MALE Friend suggested that I don’t approach him again let him come to me. That what I did but he NEVER came back to my line after that but he was alway watching me, primping himself when he walk past me. His body language will alway speaks volumes. But he never came over why! He stop coming in the store 8 months before he relocated to another state for a job. I notice he stop coming in a few my seeds stated the same thing they have not seen him he keeping low profile. When I did see him he was by himself.. After he left town someone told me that his pad was filthy and the stove was a mess. They were totally shocked because he is so well dress in the public eye he was soooooo POLISHED NEAT AND PUT TOGATHER NICELY…

  110. Mira says:

    Hmm.. I don’t know if this is rejection per say or if it’s just me. I’m a 26 year old student likes her 33 year old professor. In the beginning he e seemed to be friendly with me as in he would find a reason to talk to me and once he asked me if I need someone to talk to, I can always see him in his office. He would sometimes stare at me in class. Hmm.. few weeks ago he began to change, it just seems like he became irritated with me. He started avoiding talking to me. I sent him an email asking him for help on my assignment (I genuinely needed the help) and he replied back rudely.. I got the impression that he does not want to be bothered. He told me to pass by if what i wanted to ask him was very urgent so I went to his office the next day at the specified hour only to find out that he went home. I don’t know what’s wrong with him. What changed? Maybe I mistook his friendliness for something else.

  111. Alana says:

    Matthew, I want to thank you first for your newsletters. They’ve been a comfort to read and I learn something every time.

    I am 18 and am going to college right out of high school. I have been rejected by two separate guys. I’ll start with the first.

    When I was sixteen, I fell in love. Or “love” as I see it nearly three years later. This boy (let’s call him Simon) had been going out with a girl for a year. After three months of knowing me, he broke-up with her and rode his dirt bike out to my house. We talked and listened to the radio for the longest time. Then he kissed me and he told me he loved me. Enough said there. Fast-forward a year and he had broken up with me a good dozen times, all through text. Each time he came back, and each time I accepted him. By the last time he had rejected me, I had an interesting collection of information. Simon had been messing around with my best friend (at the time), a girl who was dating his best friend. For months, when Simon would come to visit me, he would make stops at houses of other girls and get “attention” from them. The reason I “got the message” the last time was because he had his best friend (yes, the same one mentioned earlier) curse at me and told me to basically get passed it. And I have. I wish it hadn’t happened, but at the same time I’m glad. I have grown a lot since and have become smarter, pickier. I don’t want to go out with a guy just to feel wanted; I want to go out with him because I want him, too. My relationship with Simon was the longest relationship I’ve ever had, and the only real one. In short, he was my first and only everything. I haven’t been kissed since.

    Last summer I spent at an art program. The first person I met was a guy in the film department. The next four weeks were spent doing my work, making new friends, and seeing this guy every day. The film department would have viewings of films, and even if he knew our schedules conflicted, he always invited me. Whenever we had free time, there was a good chance we could be found together. This stood true even after he told me he had a girlfriend and never had feelings for me that way at the end of week one. I can’t tell you how long I spent bitching to my roommates about it that night. But I got past it and kept in mind we were just friends. I could have hated him for making a clear move while having a girlfriend, but he told me how things were, and that much I could respect. Still, though, my roommates said he was clearly flirting with me, but I ignored them, even when I was dancing with a friend and he cut in, I still ignored them. It wasn’t until the day after the program was over and all had gone home that he text me, telling me he had broken up with his girlfriend and missed me; he confessed he had always had feelings for me. Long story short, he said he would make the three hour drive to see me, never did, and got a girlfriend, someone who went to the same program. They’re still together, and though I don’t feel that way for him anymore, I still loathe their Facebook updates. So I let go of the one guy I felt a connection to since Simon.

    It’s a New Year and, as custom, I came into it alone. I never know when a guy is flirting with me and haven’t gotten a guy I wanted to ask me out since “Simon”. With your help, Matt, I would like to change that.
    Happy New Year, all.

  112. Jenna says:

    The first rejection that came to mind was when I went dancing with some people new friends. One of the girls knew a guy at the bar so he came to say hi. I thought he was hot so when he introduced himself I think if may have exuded an extra eager greeting. It wasn’t long before I got the feeling that I was being avoided and it continued for the rest of the night. He seemed to be into the other girl anyway. I’m fine with that. What was most upsetting was that he didn’t even want to talk to after that.

  113. Katherine says:

    Hi Matt, rejection has always been my nemesis. In order to make rejection my friend i will have to become even more confident so that my ego will have a level playing field.:)

  114. Celine says:

    I had met a guy I really liked, after a few years of being out of a serious relationship. I decided to take a chance and asked him out on a date – things went considerably well. We went on a few more dates after that, and I was quite pleased with myself since I normally am hesitant to take chances! When things started to get a little more serious he told me over coffee that he wanted to keep seeing me, but not actually “see me”.
    I haven’t heard from him or spoken to him since.
    I don’t regret though, if I never took the chance, I would’ve never gained the confidence to take more chances! You give great advice, thank you for sharing it!

  115. Sonia says:

    Happy New Year Matthew,

    Thank-you for the tips, I have all these resolve to make in 2013 but I haven’t really done anything different to what I would normally do yet…. How will the results be different? Keyword YET..

    Rejection ah good old rejections I love the angle that you have taken on rejection, but I don’t think taking rejections well is as simple as that, sometimes you are in relationship or in persuit and you hit the wall, its not going anywhere, other areas of your life are solid, you get mad, hate on him with the girls & couple of drinks. You move on its fine. Then there are other times of your life where other areas of your life not so great but relations they are great, the happiness, the connection, the joys then BAM. It’s over!!! It started with “I wanna go to Australia but we can stay in touch” which became… well it became nothing. It ended. Why end something so great? V painful experience, which left me struggling to piece my life back together. It literally feels like starting from ground zero. You look at yourself you wanna make changes so that next time it will be so much better, but inside well lets just say my heart just not in it. It is hard to keep going/ motivated. It has been 9 months since and it still feels raw. Aaragh!!!!

  116. Kiran says:

    Me and this guy met through a friend. I wanted to sing for a show and needed an instrumentalist (I hate it when there’s a pre-recorded CD in the background), so my friend suggested a guy she knew that played piano. I instantly took a liking to him. Soon enough he asked one of my close friends out, who knew I liked him, and she said yes… and then took me dress shopping with her for the date. After not even a month this friend of mine made the excuse that she had to get her priorities (work and school) straight and wanted to leave this guy, who I had now become best friends with. Within a week, she was with another guy. A few months passed and I decided to tell this guy that I was interested in him. He barely said anything but an awkward “Oh..”. So that’s my story of rejection, if you can call it that. We’re still best friends.

    I guess it’s just not meant to be. I’m hoping to start this year on a new fresh foot. He’s still my best friend and I hope he always will be, but I’m not going to wait around for something I know isn’t going to happen. I think this year instead of focusing on my love life I’m going to try and focus on doing things I enjoy. If I get lucky along the way, great, if not, I’ve still got time to make things work. I really shouldn’t be too worried about getting into a relationship. Just in case anyone is wondering, I’m 18 so I have LOTS of time. Good luck to you all and I wish you all the best in your love lifes for 2013. Most of all, I hope that you all make some good mistakes!

  117. Karine soheme says:

    Happy new year Matt! Keep up the good work handsome xx :)

  118. Alondra says:

    I guess I won’t talk about recent rejection, but the worst one. There was this guy who was my best friend and who, for some time I was completely certain he was the love of my life.

    Things were complicated cause he had a girlfriend, who was abroad at the time and a lot of things started happening between us. Ok, it was wrong, but it hurt all the same when he decided to get back together with her.

    I am still not quite over that even though it’s been two years. But this is a new year and I am feeling totally diferent towards my love life, thanks to you Matthew. Have a great year you too!

  119. Tracy says:

    MY complicated recent Rejection: I was taking a language course and on the last week I met an awesome, confident guy named Tim. Tim seemed to be very flirty with some of the other women, but I took Matthew’s advice and took control of the situation. I asked him to sit next to me and we started to talk more and more during the week. As the course ended we kept in touch through text messages and facebook. Tim seemed perfect and finally told me that he felt attraction for me. I pretended to give myself more value (and i was scared that he had many women) and said that maybe we should stay friends. However the more I thought about the situation the more I realized that he might be the one. So, the next day I confessed my real feelings but there was no real response. Maybe he thought that I was playing with him, but our conversations shortened and his replies became more delayed. Later I confronted him about this and told him that this situation made me upset. He later did not talk to me for roughly a week and later asked me if I still liked him, when I replied no out of disappointment of the course of the relationship and humiliation (although it was a lie) our conversations ended and he found a girlfriend with in the next week. My peers tell me that he was a player and is not very committed, but sometimes I still think about him and find myself doing things for him (as in trying to appear better -working out, finding clothes he might like…) This happened about a month ago and today I feel loads better, but am still confused.

  120. Sienna says:

    My most recent rejection was with this guy that I met at a debate tournament in long beach. We were both in the team and I just transferred to that school. Any who we starting talking right away and we had the best friendship. He wanted to know everything about me. and during the time my boyfriend and I were having mis-communication problems and we were both quite angry with each other especially since he went to New York for three months while I was still in California so we couldn’t see each other to work our problems out. So eventually since this guy clearly had feelings for me I decided to break up with my boyfriend and go with the new guy. For about a month it was flying and cool he took me out on a couple dates than I started hearing some very bad things about his reputation which worried me so I talked to him about it. He didn’t deny any of them and he told me the truth on what happened and why he did it. So I thought that since he was being honest we got a closer connection. Than for about a week he completely ignored me and treated me like just a friend and I played along with it after he decided to get flirty again and I simply didn’t care for it so he stopped talking to me than I felt like I made a mistake so I called to see if he was free to talk and he said no and the next time I saw him he was with another girl. It stung for a little while but I got over it pretty easily since I wasn’t invested to deep anyways. I did learn tho with my boyfriend and him that I shouldn’t be to hasty to make quick assumptions about people based off of what i heard. A month later me and my boyfriend finally talked out everything and we started dating again, since its been a few years together we decided to try again and we’ve been a lot more understanding of each other and we actually listen more than just argue before actually analyzing the situation so I’m pretty glad that all happened. One thing I always think about after a rejection and even a break up is what I can take from the relationship or fling that’ll prepare me for the next one so i cant say I regret any of it. :)

  121. Emily says:

    Hello Matthew, my name is Emily. I’m eighteen and I won’t lie, I’m fairly new to relationships. I have, on the other hand, taken your advise from day one and I’ve found a guy that is very interested in me. I have been in relationships before and lost them all by allowing them to rush into things too quickly. I like to take things slowly and I remember in one of your messages that you told us to take it by our own pace. I am now taking your tips and putting them to good use (and when you say that it can work in a week you’re right!)! Thank you for the advise so far, and I hope this friendship blossoms into a beautiful relationship down the road.

    As for the bad breakups… I can only think of one. I was dating a young man who I thought was my everything. It was quite honestly that “first love” kind of partnership. We had been together for six months and we “loved” each other… or at least that’s what I was led to believe. He told me that he loved me and then out of the blue he started ignoring me. He rejected my calls, didn’t message me back, and avoided me at all costs. I left him one message asking him to please explain this odd rejection that he was pulling out of the blue and he responded with “Ask Carlie.” My first reaction was… ‘…okay… he’s cheating on me with Carlie, or he’s committed a crime and doesn’t want me to know about it’; being the stubborn girl that I am I waited… and waited… and waited. Finally, after three weeks of crying myself to sleep and allowing myself to think of sooo many possible things that he could have done to betray me, I called up Carlie and just begged her to tell me what was going on. I didn’t ask her about the possibility of a secret relationship just, “what’s going on?” She explained to me that he had been talking to another person behind my back. I was crushed. The entire time she was explaining the situation to me I was thinking, “who is this girl??” After what seemed like an eternity she told me that this person lived on the other side of the world. After a few more questions she said, “the name is Uros.” He had dumped me *without even telling me about it* and started dating “the MAN of his dreams” from halfway around the world. That’s right… I got dumped for a man that lived in Ukraine. I confronted him about it the next day and told him if it wasn’t meant to be he could have confronted me and not used my friends. Who in the world used a girls’ friend to break up with her?? I would have rather him tell me than make me believe he was cheating. … that’s the worst that I have. Right now I’m living life to the fullest, enjoying the presence of my best friends, my Senior Year, and my soon to be graduation. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I look forward to your next message and reply! :)

    • Jill says:

      Emily, my name is Jill and I have had quite a few friends who have gone through this same thing personally I have not and have to admit for me it would be a relief. It’s one thing when it’s another girl but when he’s into dudes it’s kind of hard to compete. So glad you have such a wonderful outlook on life:)

      • Emily says:

        Jill, I know! I don’t blame him though… the guy was pretty attractive. I just wish he wouldn’t have been such a snake in the grass about it. My theory is, “let it be”… like the song. :) If it wasn’t meant to be, let it be. I know people come and go, but I try to keep a little part of them all with me and I tend to stay friends with my exes. He and I are best friends now, and I couldn’t ask for more, he’s happy now and I’m happy now.

  122. Trisha says:

    Hi Matthew, great video. I recently got rejected (I think). I had a crush on my good friend since college but he never shows any interest in me or anyone else. However, he told me that out of all the people he met from college, i’m the only one he still talks too. So I confessed and ask him if we’re reaching 30 and stable, would there be a chance we can go out. I thought that was a hint. Then he wrote back and told me “patient is virtue and I have faith we’ll find our way without rushing into any set condition. live day by day with the flow”

    I know in my heart that is a “no”, doesn’t matter how he try to word it nicely. But I’m glad I did ask. Because now I know that i can stop wondering what could have been.

  123. Linda says:

    How can any girl reject you :S.. my goodness… :)

  124. Suzanne says:

    I am a full time college student surrounded by guys who pretty much just want to party hard/no commitment. I was on winter break last year and felt like sparking a conversation on facebook with this guy that does choir with me at school and we ended up hitting it off and started texting everyday. Mind you, we really had never talked in choir in person in the past. but we just started texting daily and i was just so into him and he was definitely into me too, he made it blatantly obvious. so we were all excited to go back to school for the new semester and hang out which we did. we had a thing for like a week maybe two then all of a sudden he stopped trying to contact me and i was pretty upset. so i finally asked him what the deal was and he basically said “i know, i’m sorry, it was just different dynamic face to face.” I was heartbroken because i really thought we had hit it off after actually hanging out in person. That was a pretty big rejection and i still feel like i’m always being rejected by him because he’ll be all charming to me but nothing will ever happen. rejection sucks!!!! but you now have me looking at it in a different way. my friend and i have been using your advice constantly lately. thank you for everything!!!

  125. Michelle says:

    There are two instances that stick out for me:

    One a guy rejected me because I called him out on fliting with a waitress.

    The other was when a guy rejected me just because I told him that I didn’t drink!

  126. Kelly says:

    Hmmm very recently rejected….I met this guy on my birthday – drop deal gorgeous, an A&F model. We instantly hit it off, he later texted my friend who had invited him that i was beautiful, smart, charismatic etc, He started talking on the phone, he was like ‘I haven’t felt this way in a very loong time’ was counting the hours to our date. Our chemistry was electric. And then last minute he calls to reschedule – I was hurt, told him I’ve never been ditched before and its not a good feeling. We had become fb friends, I wanted to delete him, but he’s still a friend. I have chosen to take the higher road. I have had two really cute guys ask me out since then and I’m gone out, but my heart still secretly longs for him. I’d posted pics from NYE with a hot guy and I saw him post status after that like ‘Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart’ etc I wonder if it’s directed to me.
    My sense of value and worth doesn’t come from him, so I’m still thankful for how my heart had come soooo alive, even if for a brief moment in time….

  127. J says:

    Last year, I met a guy on Halloween night at a party. We chatted, got to know a little bit about each other and I (at least) became quite attracted to him. He ended up coming over to my place and we talked more, and we soon became tired (it was around 2am) so he left with a kiss goodnight. A few days later, (we exchanged numbers) I texted him asking if he wanted to meet up for lunch. No response! Till this day, I still can’t figure out what went wrong! We had similar interests, he left with just a kiss (which is how it should be on the first “date”). I’ve never felt more rejected! I still see him around on campus, and only once did he say hi – but otherwise it has been awkward! I actually ended up seeing him at a party about a month after Halloween, and I went up to ask him to dance, and he literally pulled out his phone and started texting… not even a “no”! That’s when I realized this guy is not worth my time.

  128. Lourdes Valencia says:

    Well. I was rejected with the guy who supposed to leave country to another one and didn’t went (because of work, etc, etc) BUT NOW he’s dating someone else and then I turned to be in a “very special dearest good friend”…I don’t know how I ended up that way…but that’s the situation…and he hasn’t called back again.

    Even if I’m a “good friend”.

    Thank you for the tips. :) I’ll apply them.

  129. Linda says:

    I managed to be rejected 5 times in the last year and for every time it felt better and better. Not because I didnt like the guys, i really did. Everytime I took a chance on love I opened up myself and I let myself be vunarable. And eventhough nothing really came out of me being honest at those times I could feel myself grow stronger and not taking the rejection as personal as I have in the past. They didnt say no to me because Im not worth it as a person. They said no because of their lack of understanding of what I have to offer as a person, Or because what we wanted in life was different. Being honest about my feelings helped me save time. It helped me invest time in where It should be invested- in me and in people around me that appriciated in ways that these men wasnt open to do. Thanks for this challenege Matthew. This is something I believe in alot. Ive been rejected more times this year than ever before but life has also never been better. Every rejection is less time spent on the wrong man and one step closer to being able to meet the one that will be worth it all.

  130. Alex says:

    I made the stupid decision to ask someone out by text because I was too chicken to actually say it their face. I think I knew before I even sent the text, but he said that he only liked me as a friend. Men see me as someone they can only be friends with but never lovers. Anyway so I realized that he didn’t like me and got over it pretty quick, but then the same thing happened to me again later. It was with a different guy but I got friend-zoned again! I’m now learning from your videos what I need to do to become more of a girl who guys will love and not just like. Your tips have been so helpful. Well hope you have a grand new and can’t wait to see more videos.


  131. Elizabeth says:

    Hi Matt! It’s been a while since I last left a comment on one of your videos. One of the rejections, because Lord knows there have been many, that I’ll talk about here was one that happened recently. I was finally ready to get into a relationship with this one friend who I always secretly felt had feelings for me. It took me almost two years to realize I felt the same way. We told each other how we felt about each other and then we were going to talk things over about where we stood. Unfortunately, that never happened because he realized that he there were things he had to handle in his life and including me in it would be too much. I really believed that I could be vulnerable with this guy and that I could just open myself up to him. That was tough because I was ready to put my heart on the line and include someone in my own life other than family and friends. I completely avoided him for some time and then started talking small with him once again. The most I realize now that I can part with is a friendship and I’m happy with that. I learned so much from the experience though: I now have a much better understanding of what I want in a relationship and in a man. There is a part of me that wonders still what could have happened though.

  132. Samantha says:

    Thank you so much! This video was exactly what i needed :D
    I was rejected recently by my ex boyfriend, when he told me he didnt feel the same about me anymore….What I do about it? I told him that I couldnt be with someone who doesnt love me back, but it kills me ever since… I lost the ilusion, the motivation,inside me I think it was all my fault…. I feel frustrated because I put all my effort to this man, I fall in love with him and he did the same, he told me he love me and that…, and now everything is gone D: …. I have never deal with rejection, this is my first time D:, it hurts alot …. Dont know if I should try something to bring him back, or just move forward :/

    Thank you again, you are a blessing :D

  133. Her says:

    Non-rejection is the worst. Obviously mutual feelings, he keeps talking to you for a long time in an almost relationship way, asks you out but turns flaky. To guys: Scared? Man up. Saying nothing about what happened in your head does not make it easier.

  134. sara says:

    Hi Mathew,

    Great advise! Thank you so much! I really enjoyed all your videos. I was rejected recently for a guy that got closed to me in a romatic way. After a few months, he wanted me to be his roomate. Since, we didn’t have nothing officially I thought about and didn’t respond quick. A month later and after still been in contact with me he told me that he has a girlfriend with a daughter living with him and if I still wanted to be his rommate. I was devastated and told him not with her. He even had the never to asked me to babysit his daughter so he can go out on new years with his girlfriend. I told him that I have plans but my heart was broken. :( I am having the worse time getting over him. I wish this year meet someone amazing that makes me look forward.

  135. Ella says:

    At university, I was attracted to a guy and we were getting along really well. After a month, there was additional e-mailing and I discovered that I ‘felt more positive’ for him, while he discovered that I like food very much. Since we were from another race and culture, I offered him a chance to try some of my favourite food. He agreed, but he never showed up. I was furious! Wanted to hit a bowling ball towards his head! But I knew that we were busy, having a thight schedule before and after the set time, so I just left after five minutes.

    I expected him to apologize and explain things to me afterwards and try to make it right, since it was polite behaviour of me. Well, time faded away and he did not! Well, I did not bring up the issue myself either; because if he say sorry because I asked him to, then it would not be sincere to me. So every time we spoke, I actually wanted to kill him (of course, not really!).

    After 3 months, I heard nothing from him. But accidently I found out that his DVD’s were in her house and that she had to return it. She was just an acquaintance of me. Although I was furious and jealous at the same time (screaming in my mind how his DVD’s ended up at her place), this did not made me feel rejected. Although it confirmed my intuition that I had before; that he was attracted to her. I felt so stupid, I was just a 2nd choice. After a while, the girl said that they contacted minimal, and that he only wanted to speak to me, that she was just passing gifts from him to me. So I assumed that he was indeed interested in me as well.

    After several months again, I got so furious that he yet did not say sorry. So I pushed him to, he was denying the agreement and said not planning to apologize. I mean who does this?! After some time again, I found out there was a girl who he had a crush on for year(s). And that they worked together at the same department as his’ in the quiet period, before and after the period when he was saying sweet things to me.

    AND NOW I GOT IT: I was indeed his 2nd choice, but the acquaintance was not before me. She was number 3, I was number 2 and YET another girl was number 1! This was not even the rejection to me, but this: after 9 months, through the phone he told me not to call him anymore while he was the one saying sweet things to me, he was the one asking me in the past whether I was single, he was the one giving me gifts. I mean, he did the move, I did not force him to! I mean you cannot make people fall for you and then just leave whenever you want! Or am I just from another planet?

    I was soooo astonished by what he had to say that I was just speechless, there was only an ‘okay’ coming out of my mouth and the phone was hung up. Now, I wish that I’ve said who he think he was.

  136. Jackie says:

    Hey Matthew, Jackie again, just remembered a rejection I had a few years ago.
    I met a guy for a date ( from a dating website) and I really liked him, we got on well, chat was flowing, and a ‘hey yes, let’s go and see xxx’ opportunity came up. So we said goodbye and I waited and waited and after about a week I sent an email saying ‘do you still want to go to see xxx?’ and he said he’d met someone else.
    It knocked me for six, I’d only just started dating and it had taken a lot of courage to start dating after the last breakup.
    That rejection hit me hard and really put me off, but I see now that if I’d had a different attitude towards rejection, a ‘ah well, whatever….. what’s my next opportunity?’ type of reaction, I maybe would have picked myself up, dusted myself off and gone on to the next date with a little experience under my belt.

    thanks Matthew, I’m learning already
    what would we do without you? Looking forward to the book.

  137. Desiree says:

    Hey, Mathew!
    First I just wanted to say thanks for all great advice. :) It’s really helped me a lot.
    I think this is worse: but I’ve actually NEVER been rejected. It’s because I’ve never actually taken a chance. :( But ever since I’ve been watching your videos, I’ve realized something about myself. I have to work on ME before I can work on a relationship. :) But I am happy to report that thanks to your help I believe this is the year. LUCKY 13!
    I’ve been crushing on a really good ‘friend’ of mine for a while now and I’m ready to try to get out of the ‘friend-zone’. Thanks so much.
    Even if I get rejected by her, I will still be able to ask other people. :)

  138. kim says:

    after dating for 4 months including other hot stuff,hahaha.everything was going sooo great,till he decided to come and tell me,he knows how woman are,and he cant commit to me 100%.
    my answer was okay,and i didnt contact him,i was over it.till he started to contact me again and wanted to see me,which i agreed but told him,i dont want everything to be about s.e.x.he tried the first time i saw him again and i said,no.my mistake was sending him an email asking him if he didnt want to date me.to which he didnt give me answer..which lead me to be confused.so now he keeps on staring me when he sees me,and he looks happy to see me.then i send a message,which he also doenst reply.THAT WAS A YEAR AGO.i want my rejection,damn it.i wanna move on,i am a greatt woman,not only beautiful but i have a lot going on,i dont wanna live like this.i feel stuck,i dont want any hope.thanks for reading.

  139. Jackie says:

    Hi Matthew!
    I don’t have any rejection stories because I’ve never ever had the confidence to go for a guy I liked. I’ve never even known HOW to ‘go for’ a guy and I’m now getting on (47) and still don’t have an idea of what to do or the confidence to do it. I’ve always ended up with guys who had an interest in me, never guys I’ve liked.
    I’m very scared of rejection so your idea of preparing for rejection is very interesting so I’m going to try it out, it might just work.
    2013 is the year when I come out of hiding and summon up the courage to go dating again. Bring it on Matthew, I want to learn all you have to share!

    Your eager student

  140. Steph says:

    Here’s my experience with rejection:
    It was back in my junior year of high school and i liked this one guy and he seemed to like me too… or i thought he did and so did some of our mutual friends… he even slow danced with me at our winter formal and stayed with me over half the night though him and one of his friends when as friends. So as the year went on we were both flirting so because for valentines day i was giving candy to all my friends and he saw that but trying to be kinda nice and flirty i was like “here, i gave everyone one else one but you can have two”, and later that day he texted me being like “I know you like me but i just don’t feel the same way, sorry” So i think that was my worst rejection. It was hard to understand because to everyone around us it looked like he liked me too. Can you explain this to me? Thank you!!

  141. Beatriz says:

    Hey Matthew! Happy new year!!

    Well, this is the very first time that i am commenting on one of your videos. I really want to thank you because of this one though. It has really motivate me to have a better love life this year. I experienced rejection a couple of months ago. I come from a latinamerican country and i moved to Australia at the beginning of 2012. I became very close friends with a colombian guy and since we both speak spanish i guess it was easier for us to connect and get along. He is the flirty kind of guy, and i could figure that out immediately. However, as time passed he would text me the whole day everyday. We started dating, and he would take me to nice and romantic places just to talk and spend time with me. Before He came to AU he broke up with his girlfriend and was still trying to get over it. after a few months, he told me that he didn’t feel the same about her and that he was sure of it. He started to get very jealous if i spoke to other guys and he would always check my phone. Later on, he started playing hot and cold with me. Honestly, i got tired of not knowing what was going on so i decided to tell him i like him before he went for holidays to his country. He was very nice to me and found the best way to tell me that he only wanted to be “friends” with me. I agreed with him because i care about this guy so much that i still want him in my life at least as a friend. However, the fact that he acted as he wanted something more made me angry and it still hurts. He’ll be back to AU in a few weeks. during all this time that he’s been out he has texted me almost everyday but i still don’t know what’s going on. So i think is better to move on and find someone new :)

  142. Christina says:

    Hi Matthew,

    thanks for your awesome blog and the fast track to mr. right course :) You’re really a people specialist!

    The rejection that hit me hardest is a few years back, when I was 18 and shortly before I started studying at a university away from my hometown. A “friend” of mine who was 4 years older and who I’d had a crush on since I was 15 invited me to his birthday party as usual. He also studied in the same city as I do now. I had never gotten anything more than friendly attention from him, but then one of his friends started flirting with me at the party. My friend got really jealous to the point of making his friend go home and trying to keep me away from him. We then made out. After that, I took the bus from my hometown to the university town to visit him for the weekend a few times. He picked me up from the train station, showed me around, surprised me with little gifts and showed me how to register with the university.
    After a few visits and ambigous to no response at all on his side when I asked what exactly our relationship status was, I put him on the spot and told him to tell me what he wants right now, even if it was no. He told me “Well right now I don’t know what this is, but it’s definitely not a relationship.”
    That hurt really badly, but I liked the guy as a friend so much that we started talking again after a few weeks. He was always a really sweet and reliable friend, even though it took me a few more years to completely get over him.

    The experience also taught me a lot about how to spot and avoid damaged guys, and about how not to drive off any guy by coming on too hard (I guess).

  143. Bella says:

    I got rejected at many an acting audition for being too tall!
    But luckily the modelling world saw this as a good thing and accepted that.

    I’ve been rejected by several amazing men.
    That was an ego wound! Tail between legs :( ouch

    I’ve rejected myself – that was awkward! Didn’t look in mirrors for a good few years.

    But luckily all that has been rejected in the past, has later been accepted by somebody or something else more amazing and of more value in the future. ;)

    Good luck with rejection everyone!

  144. Lisa says:

    I was dating a man for a month. Things were going well and then I noticed changes. He was moving into a new place and asked me to stay with the first night. The night before, he told me there would be no sex that night and I pressed the issue and ask him why. He told me that he wasn’t sure he wanted “this to become a relationship.” I said okay and we talked about it a little while. Then, he told me to give him a week and I said okay.

    A few days later I called him and told him that the week idea would not work for me and and he either wanted to be with me or he did not. He told me he felt our chemistry was too strong to give up, so we went out one more time.

    That last outing was not good. He looked like crap (didn’t try to look go at all), was tired and just not fun to be around and I found my attraction to him had diminished significantly. Things did not go on from there, and I have since realized that I wasn’t that into him in the beginning.

    I am working on listening to myself more and trusting my instincts, as they are always good.

  145. Eloisa says:

    Hello Matt! I just found you few days ago on Youtube when I was looking for men body language and I can tell you that I just fell in love with your videos (they are really inspiring!). Well, I just was about to get marry last year, I bought the dress, and set up the marriage date and then boom! we decided to break up I came back to Brazil and he got in U.S. it took me 1 year to be healed (not completely)he still keeps emailing me and very curious about my life. he tells me he always want to be in touch, I really don’t get that! I “m actually much better now but I think hard about it I feel so stupid, however, every single woman in the world will fall in love with him because he is handsome, romantic and sensitive man that all women dream about. Anyway, sad love story, but I fell free now and I see it wasn’t meant to be! Matt when do you come to give us a seminar in Brazil????? Waiting for you, take care and Thanks for all the advices! :) ohh PS.: HE’S COACH too!

  146. Adrienne A says:

    The great part about rejection is that you attempted something! So it is two fold… a woman or man gathered the guts to try something… they did… it was either embraced or rejected at lease they tried =)

  147. Dana says:

    Well, rejection is the most concerning problem when it comes to making a move… I have a new neighbour, actually a very attractive and clever guy, but I am not sure what would happen if I asked him out or if it is my duty to do so as a girl. The concept of value is also an important issue, thank you for drawing my attention to that, because I think that lack of self-confidence and being afraid of rejection are closely connected. Anyway, I have never been rejected, only because I don’t usually try to contact with guys.

  148. Ruta says:

    Hey you!!!

    One time I got rejected was a few years ago. There was this singer in Germany that I immediately got hots for. So after the concert I got up to him, said some compliment about his voice in german and continued in english… I basicaly asked him out, but he said that he had a girlfriend etc. We still talked about ten minutes and I was so happy that I still got to meet such a nice no bullshit guy. We sometimes still chat online. Anyway, never tried coming up to a guy since(even though I’m not afraid), but for my recent weight gain, but that a different story :) Thanx for reading!!!
    Ruta from Lithuania

  149. Sarah says:

    Hi Matthew, your post comes in such a good timing!
    I got rejected last week. My dad was in hospital in the last few months and while I visited him regularly after a while I noticed one very handsome doctor. We never had a chance to really talk as I was there with my whole family most of the time while he did his job. Still when I saw him he always had a big smile on his face and even my mum noticed that he might be attracted to me. After my dad left the hospital I was devastated that I wouldn’t see the doctor anymore.
    Then I found him on facebook (I’m not a crazy stalker!) and decided to send him a message last week to wish him a happy new year which I thought would be a good occasion.
    That was last Wednesday, he hasn’t replied yet and I don’t think he will, it could be that he didn’t even recognize me. Of course it bothers me now but I’m glad I took the risk. If I hadn’t I would have always regretted not taking a chance once more again – a feeling that is the worse than getting rejected.

  150. Kristiana says:

    Hey Matthew,

    I just got rejected by a guy I really like.
    We went on a few dates and then he ended it.
    6 moths later (on this Christmas eve), he texted me that I am the girl of his dreams and that he wants to give it another try. He never texted again.
    I wrote to him, asked how is he going and maybe we could get together some time soon. His response was that he hasnt got time to do that. Thats it. He did it again. And I dont get it at all!

    • jg says:

      this has happened to me before with someone who i found out later was a mega-player and womanizer…. someone who will do anything and pull any trick out of his hat to pull you in, but as soon as you show interest, he’ll suddenly back off, become unavailable, and ultimately disappear.. and then just when you think you’re safe you’ll get a text out of nowhere. my friendly advice, run far far away and don’t respond or block his number :) would save you loads of potential pain.

  151. Chloe says:

    Hi Matt, I kinda got rejected last month. I was seeing this guy for 3 months and everything went great. so I told him I’m not seeing anybody else, I only want to see him now, it’s cool if he’s seeing anyone else we could still be friends. He said he’s not seeing anyone else since we met but tbh he is still looking…..so we are only friends now I haven’t contacted him since and looking forward to dating other people. Thank you x

  152. Rene says:

    I am on an online dating site and met a man for lunch who I was unsure about but thought I would go out with him for another date if he asked. He said I was even prettier than my picture and he asked me out for Saturday night and I said yes, he never called. I guess that’s rejection and the reason doesn’t even matter. Glad to not have wasted my time. I think this happens very often to me with the online dating especially. Sometimes I can see that men might just blurt out let’s see eachother again which doesn’t feel like too much rejection when they don’t call back but when they set up a specific day/time and then don’t call well, that does feel like rejection. I do feel it’s their loss and I am trying not to overthink the why’s. It’s odd though because there were even times when I had a great time and even a great kiss with a guy and he asked me out and then never called (and I know the kiss was great b/c 90% tell me so). I don’t know why this happens, I am smart and nice but not a pushover but whatever, at least I am not wasting my time with someone who isn’t going to see it through with me. I guess it does confuse me but in the end it’s all just rejection until I find “the one” which I have verbally stated I will be finding in 2013, though I tried to give fit December in there b/c I liked a guy I met but that didn’t work out so apparently I will meet “the one in 2013…lol!!!

  153. Blue says:

    Deep in the past, two men left me for the arms of the same other woman: not just any woman, but New York City! How does a mere woman begin to compete? I was quite disconcerted and forlorn!

  154. Mona says:

    Good tips Matthew! Thanks for motivating me to keep trying.

    I was thinking about rejection and why I am so hesitant to put myself out there. One particular story does not come to mind, rather a melange of memories, ranging from a boy asking me out in middle school when he really liked my friend, to guys hitting on me when they were dating other women, to me having great conversations and first dates and the guys never following up again. I see those incidents as rejections, because the lack of follow up or sincere interest leads me to believe they were not really into me, and I guess I needed the confirmation before I reached out and expressed interest.

    I pledge to follow up with men I connect with this year. I hesitate to be too assertive because I’ve had male friends tell me I can be intimidating. I have wonderful friendships and I love meeting people, but dating stumps me to this day. I recognize I could be more open with how I feel, and this is not easy to express. I look forward to more of your sage advice! I’m 30 and would love to fall in love, for the first time!

  155. Kinga says:


    So, I have to tell you that I am really scared of rejection and I loved this video about making the rejection your friend, I want to do it!

    I remember one time that I got rejected and it was really painful for me – it was with one guy that I really liked, we had couple of dates, but they were going worse and worse and finally he stopped writing to me. Even though we didn’t have any argument or he didn’t say it to me face-to-face I still felt rejected very painfully ’cause I reaaally liked him.

  156. novalee truesdell says:

    i did not get rejected yet – its my goal for the new year!
    nova xx

  157. Erika says:

    Hey Matt! Thanks for this video, I feel really pumped. :)

    So, my rejection story would have gone better except for one thing. I was about to call the guy to tell him my feelings, and as it turns out, one of our mutual friends took the liberty of doing it for me, and then informing me through text. I got furious and told her that if he couldn’t even let me know himself, I didn’t even want to be friends, in spite of the fact that we had been really good friends before. That was in October, so I intend to try and fix things when I see him tomorrow. I’m still mad at our mutual friend, though.

  158. Johanne says:

    Hi Matthew !

    I’m from Montréal Canada and I love the way you express yourself and give us tips. I’ve been rejected a few times last year on a dating site because, unlike some other ladies, I do take the first steps towards men and rejection often has to do with my weight. I’m a BBW and I’m not shy about it because I had lots of boyfriends who enjoyed this very much but I can understand that I cannot be to everybody’s taste as they are not all to mine. One of them was SOOOOO much like me in what he was describing, we would have had a blast I’m sure. But when he told me that he was not interested… well I just thought, too bad ! Attitude is for something in it after all isn’t it? Have a great day !

  159. Jill says:

    When I experience rejection I always remind myself that The the wrong one is the right one to lead me to the best one. I know that’s cheesy but before I gained the confidence I needed this little saying helped so much. I also try to use rejection as a learning tool it can tell you so much about yourself and what you might need to change/work on. I also love something my brother said one time when I totally bombed on a business attempt. He asked me if I thought any successful person got to where they were on the first attempt and of course the answer was NO! With that said when rejection does come your way find the humor in it and move on to the Best One:) Happy Man Hunting Ladies:)

  160. Trina says:

    Hi Matthew,
    Happy New Year, and thanks for helping so many amazing women to find love.
    My latest rejection was with a guy I was seeing at the begining of 2012. We had been “going out” for about two months, and I thought it was time we decided if we should continue to see each other, or not. I just asked him if he wanted to continue to see me…. at first he didnt really know what to say, but after a few more questions and comments from me, he decided that he didnt want too, but also said that he didnt want to hurt me. You should of seen his face though, he looked so happy!!! It was like a weight had been lifted. I think I had been really anxious, and insecure…. a weight was also lifted for me too as now at least I knew where I stood. The truth is that sometimes I am more afraid of men saying yes than saying no!! But on the other hand, I want to be in love and to be loved, and have that relationship. So lets hope 2013 I can get out there and make that happen. Thanks Matt for all that you do

  161. Christina says:

    Hello Matthew,

    I am a fan of you from Sweden. I saw your last video and thought to reply

    I have a huge crush on a guy in my school. We have talked occasionally together. I have never asked about his favorit music style, but i do know that he is into music, so thought that i should send him a PM with a sample music from a soundtrack that i like to his facebook. The resualt? I got rejected.:( He didn’t answerd or anyhting. He just read the PM.
    I wrote something like this: Hi, i dont know why but i think you would like it (the link to the music) Give it a try. Take care.

    What on earth did i do wrong? From now on i do not have any confidence in talking to him anymore :( Help?

    Cheers and take care /Christina

  162. Anastasia says:

    Matthew you are the best! I have a playlist with your videos on yt and I suggest it to all the people i care about :)
    Concerning rejection, i cannot remember the last time i got rejected in my love life-not for any other reason other than the fact that, although I usually make the first move, I always go after those I know for sure they like me.
    However i have been rejected a lot recently in the friend zone(not sure if that falls into the category of the things you want to hear on this “comment thread”) But now my new year resolution(especially having watched your new video) is to try harder, take more chances and meet a whole lot new people!! :D
    Best wishes to you to find everything you want this year! :)

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Anastasia,

      I’m glad that you are using the videos and applying them where you need. Thanks for the comment!


  163. Deveney says:

    I’ve never really been rejected, cause I don’t have the courage to hit on the guy I like, or make a move. Even when it’s clear that he’s into me too. I guess at heart I’m an old fashion kind off girl who expects guys to do so. And I’m not the type who always knows the right things to say, I also fear of getting it wrong. But I really want to break this cycle of having the opportunity to just go for it, but chickening out and regretting afterward.

    Once I made a move by mistake:
    I had feelings for a guy I used to hang out with a lot. We really clicked. I was in the friendzone for ages. One night I was drunk, called him and told him how I felt. We started dating the next day. He felt the same way as I did. And all I could think was, why didn’t I say anything sooner??

    Point of my story is that I’m missing out on a lot because of my fobie of rejection. 2013, a new year, new chances to meet new people and probably also get rejected. But what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger :)

    PS. I loveeee your video’s and a happy new year! X

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Deveney,

      I’m glad you are enjoying the videos and I hope they inspire you to go out and meet new people. As you can see, people can get past rejection and so can you!


  164. Caro says:

    This is the first time I’ve responded to one of your videos, I’ve loved just being on your newsletter and receiving great advice from you. I thought this story about rejection might make you chuckle if you ever read this: I went on a first date on halloween, I couldn’t go to a dance the next night with this fellow because I had an opera production I was in then, but I was still really attracted to him and really wanted to get to know him, so I ended carving pumpkins with him that same day he’d asked me out to go swing dancing. After the date which I thought had gone really well I get home and in my inbox is a newsletter email from you about exactly what not to do on a first date… its the one email of yours that made me wince, I realize that I had done most if not everything on the don’t do list, if only I’d read it before, lol. He hasn’t asked for another date since and I’m not surprised at all. Better luck next time I guess. Thank you for all the heartfelt work you do and I really appreciate your advice:)

  165. Ellen Osborne says:

    I just began my freshman year at college last fall and immediately felt incredibly attracted to this one guy who was my room mates best friend. He seemed unexpectedly right in so many ways I had never felt before. The feeling was mutual and one evening he came over to watch a movie and he ended up staying the night. Nothing happened other than cuddling(completely PG). Everyday after that we talked on facebook, yet the following weekend he went home to see his family, and changed his relationship status from “Single” to “In a relationship”. I felt incredibly played and the “next best choice”.

  166. Mawii says:

    Hello Matthew!! Happy new year!

    Here is my story:

    I’ve been rejected, last year by someone I was already in love with, but we were colleagues for 1 year. We went to Paris together to visit a friend of his, he was sweetn romantic and all, but nothing happened… except that I was convinced that he loved me back.

    A few days later I told him how I felt for him, he didn’t really answered much, he said that I should take my time to get over it, and stay friends… I was heart broken but I accepted that rejection… and two days later he starded a long distance relationship with an asian girl 7 years younger than him and played the “really happy guy” all over his FB page… our “friendship” wasn’t enough to at least spare my feelings… I talked about it with him… he said “If I had to do it again, I would do exactly the same” (that was the most hurting part… the kiss of death) I felt so … worthless. I almost thought he wanted to punished me or someting. That was too hard.

    I got over him quickly, I met a really sweet guy 15days later… but I still feel worthless. nice story huh? :-)

    Thanks for your vidéos!

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Mawii,

      I’m glad you met someone new to share your time with. Don’t let the rejection of the last guy keep you from enjoying the attention of this new guy.


  167. Lauren says:

    Hi Matthew,

    Thanks so much for the videos you put out, they really do apply to life beyond love life.

    My worst rejection was with someone I have a history with. I had been the one mostly responsible for (short-term) rejection, but both of us had hoped that we could still be together again at some point.

    When I came home and we saw each other for the first time in more than a year, he asked if we could sleep together so that he could get over me and be with someone new he had met. Although I didn’t do it, enough happened between us that made me feel compromised and confused that after how long we had been together and how much we loved each other, he was willing to hurt me permanently for something casual.

    I’m starting to get over this relationship for the first time in five years, and without rejection this painful, nothing would have caused me enough pain to need to put it behind me.

    Thanks again for all of the good stuff you put out there. Looking forward to 2013!

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Lauren,

      Thanks for sharing your rejection story with us. Having everyone talk about it here has helped so many already.


  168. DIANE says:

    i was rejected i went out with a guy for about 6 weeks n we got onreally great then he just stopped texing then ignoring my texts i still dont no wot happened i thought we were good 2 gether ?

  169. Eileen says:

    I’ve got rejected by my ex-boyfriend someday in Nov 2012. Couldn’t get over it as he did not give me a clear reason to why he decided in breaking up after 3 years of being together. It was tough for me.. I text and call him everyday but he just chose to ignore. I even throw my last bit of dignity away by waiting outside his apartment the whole night for him. End up he just walked away, leaving his family to settle things with me. It was totally embarrass and really silly of me to devalue myself to a point like this. But at least I tried my best, perhaps? Till now I’m trying to move on.. :(

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Eileen,

      Moving on can be tough and no one expects you to do it right away but hopefully each day will get better and you’ll be ready to go out and meet new people soon.


  170. M says:

    I am 44 divorced mom of two teens. I decided I was bored with my spare. Time and began to take ball room classes when one of the instructors who’s quite young became interested in me. He would dance with me at our practice parties and become physical with me and said he couldn’t help but hold me. He did this on more than one occasion which made me uncomfortable and. I told him to stop be denied it all. Needless to say I have noticed how men react or make eye contact with me so I smile all the time. This is just a small step in going back into the relationship world even if I get rejected I’m ok with it .
    P.s I have another dance instructor who’s not as hormonal as the other one and its a lot better dancing this way.

  171. Ange says:

    LOVE your videos Matt! Can’t wait for the TV show and your book! I had a tough time thinking a time I got rejected. Which is not a good thing! It means I’m not putting myself out there enough. But one time was when I was playing basketball at the gym with a bunch of guys. And I went up to take a shot and a guy just put his hand up and swatted the ball back down. I make the fact that I’m a girl an excuse too much. Anyways, this happened several times more. But most importantly, I learned from it. In my practice, I incorporated a little fake shot before my real one. :)

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Ange,

      I’m glad you are planning to put yourself out there more! Taking action is the best thing you can do to put your love life forward.


  172. Ste says:

    It’s not the worst rejection per se, but the last one was when my ex and I saw each other last time we met. He was looking at me with his eyes twinkling and I know he loves me cause he still does lots of things for me, if I need it. When I asked him why he was looking at me like this, he said he was looking at everyone like that. Well I’m no fool. Then he told me it was good that I noticed that guys fancied me. Not that I knew that guys fancied me but that I took notice (we were talking about the same look he threw me). But then he said that me and him it’s really over.

    This rejection is not too bad for me because on some level I know we will be toghether again. Don’t ask why but it’s a feeling I have.

  173. Carly says:

    Happy new year!

    It’s been over 6 months now since I’ve started dating again and I’ve been meeting new guys via an on-line dating site.
    So far, almost every date or connection that I’ve felt has fallen flat. I’m an attractive, intelligent woman and honestly, in the past I haven’t experienced much rejection at all, but the last few months have really taught me some good lessons about self worth and what I project about myself to men.
    The first couple of dates that I had were with guys that I had been texting and talking with on the phone for a few weeks and thought we had good chemistry until the first real date, which on my part I thought went ok, but they just weren’t interested which is always confusing. And then another guy, same deal… our date went well, he asked to see me again, but stopped trying to make an effort to talk with me soon after and made the “I’m too busy excuse” and after a month of no contact he still claims he is interested in dating yet makes no effort. Same story with another guy recently who I’ve been making a really good connection with, but he lives a few hours drive away and we haven’t met in person… he had suggested coming to visit, but decided not to and didn’t offer up and reason why.
    I’ve been noticing a pattern. The more I initiate contact and open myself up before he does, the less interested he becomes.
    I’ve just been really learning about dating and how men work and that’s the thing, they like to work for anything that is worth keeping and I haven’t been letting them do that… there could be other factors that I’m not seeing as well, but this is turning out to be a great lesson in communicating with men so far :) And also projecting self worth and value. I’m sure by the end of all of this I’m going to end up with the man of my dreams!

    Thanks so much for all that you do Matthew, you’re helping to improve so many lives in so many ways and your positive attitude is contagious!

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Carly,

      I’m glad that this site is helping you through your dating journey. Thanks for sharing your story with us!


  174. Rivka says:

    I’ve been wondering, is it a mistake to let a guy know I’m bisexual (but only interested in dating the opposite gender-guys)? It’s not the first thing I would tell him, but maybe later on?

  175. Lizzie says:

    Well, I can’t share my experiences because I’m never brave enough to talk to people in the first place. :( I don’t want to be rejected. So I feel it’s more safe to just not say anything.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Lizzie,

      I hope this year is they year that you try to open your life to meeting new people. Read some of the comments, rejection happens to everyone, its your attitude that makes it easy to shake off.


  176. Julie says:

    Hey Matt, thanks for all the great advice! It’s made me view dating and myself in a whole new light. I have been rejected by guys and have said no to them too. If that’s what it takes to find that special person to have fun and enjoy life with then that’s ok with me. I’ve met some interesting guys and made some new friends too! Always enjoy your videos and can’t wait for your book to come out in the U.S. :)

  177. Shay says:

    It was in the beginning of 2012, when my friend Kelly and I decided to go to dinner at an Italian restaurant. When I waited for my friend to arrive, I got seated in the restaurant, and my waiter came by. He flirted up a storm with me even while Kelly was there with me also. He was tall and handsome. He even told me he didn’t charge me for my drink, which I assumed that he may be into me.
    After my friend egged me on to leave my number on the check, I did.
    I was so embarrassed about it that I snuck out before he could see me leave.
    That night he called me, saying how beautiful I was and how attracted he was to me BUT he had a fiancé! He told me he would like to keep in touch through facebook, but I wasn’t digging it! I felt rejected.
    However, I met someone wonderful five months ago, we are dating, and I couldn’t be any happier! Those times when we get rejected lead us to take more chances until we meet the one that is just right for us! Keep trying, is my motto!

  178. Crystal says:

    Hey Matthew.

    I love the idea about making people become comfortable with rejection. Personally, when it comes to relationships, I have never really had a problem with it. Not that I haven’t been rejected. No, I’ve been rejected more times than I can count, but I know that they are missing out on something amazing, and consider it there loss and my gain. They saved me the trouble of being with someone who didn’t value me.

    My toughest rejection story would have to be the first one that really mattered to me. I had met a guy while visiting a friend and we hit it off quite quickly. Apparently his friends thought so too, because they kept commenting on how out of character he was acting. That they had never seen him blow off his own rules of conduct like he was.
    Anyway, after returning home, I tried to stay in touch, but something happened and it just didn’t work out. I never heard from him again. I think the reason the rejection hurt so much was because of my reading into what his friends said more than the connection that I had with him. I think we could have been great friends, but I just don’t think he was used to the teasing that he got from everyone who thought there was more to it than that.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Crystal,

      Thanks for sharing. Every story helps someone else get through the sting of rejection.


      • Crystal says:

        I know mine wasn’t exactly the kind of post you were looking for Matthew, but I just hoped it helps someone. I wish that more women could see that rejection generally benefits them. Why waste your time on someone who doesn’t respect you enough to learn more about you? You should only want to spend time on a person who sees you for what you have to offer. If they can’t, it’s their loss. :)

  179. Judy says:

    Happy New Year Matthew! Eagerly waiting for your book.

    I was rejected TWICE by the same guy! I thought I could change the way he thought about me by making the times we spent together special, fun and tension free. I cannot lie, I still have feelings for him but when he said no the second time I took it casually, again, and backed off. Then he said he would hate to lose me as a friend because I was so awesome, but I told him I needed a little space. Haven’t spoken to him since but I feel if I can just get through this, I will be ready for the next round of dating and the rejection that comes with it.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Judy,

      You have the right attitude. Take your time and when you’re ready re-watch this video and you’ll be ready to get them.


  180. Louise says:

    About 6 years ago, I got up the courge to send an email to a very handsome solicitor that I was working with, asking him out on a date. He sent me a very nice reply explaining that he was happily married with two kids so had to decline. He did say how flattered he was though and how long it had been since he had been asked out. I was rejected but I felt fine about it and I even felt good that I had made his day! :0)

  181. Lisa says:

    Hello Matthew,

    First I wanted to say thank you because in the short few days that I have discovered you, I have learned so much about myself and behaviors that have been interfering with being that “high Values Women” I need to be.

    So my most recent experience was only a few weeks ago, I met a guy online, we talked back and forth for a few days and he asked me out for a Saturday night (this was on a Monday). In my eyes, things were going good, great conversations, which he fully participated in, etc. On Thursday I asked what we were doing for our date and he made up some poor excuse, (which I saw immediately as a blow off) that he had a company Xmas party that he forgot about and wasn’t sure if he was going to attend but he would let me know the following day….well Friday came and went and I haven’t heard from him since. I never saw any signs of him losing interest or something I might of said that would have changed his mind about me.

  182. Cris says:


    Just turned 22, and I spent all of last year focusing on school and work. Still in school, but wanted to shift some energy on a non existent love life! Went out with some friends, and chatted with a few guys. I used the tried and true method of “21” questions. I literally just bounced off question with the guys, and I only ever asked two at the most three. Two of the guys said how relaxed I seemed in our conversation. One joked and said if I had an ear piece in… told them I learned from the best!

    Big congratulations to you and your new ventures!
    Wishing you all the best!


  183. Katherine says:

    I have this friend who I was semi involved with several years ago. We had very strong feelings for each other for a while, but nothing happened because he was dating my best friend. We eventually let things fade out and got back to being friends. Throughout the years the level of our friendship would vary from casual friends, to every once in a while friends, however, because I never got any closure, I would have strong feelings for him when I did see him. He moved to San Francisco [I’m near LA] for about a year and that was fine. But when he moved back home, we started playing music together and old feelings started to resurface. I didn’t want to say anything because even though I knew I would feel better to have it off my chest, I didn’t want to lose a friend and great drummer. He then started blowing me off and we stopped playing music. When we finally started talking again, I decided it was time to tell him. I drove by his house and asked him to come outside and meet me. We talked and I told him what was going on and what had been going on. I told him that, for my own sanity, I needed him to tell me nothing would ever happen between us and he did. Maybe it’s not the same because I told him to reject me. Maybe he was lying and something will eventually happen. But regardless, I believe him and I’ve been so much better because of it. I no longer see him in that light and I’ve really moved on for the first time in six years.

    A testament to the positive side of rejection.

  184. Lena says:

    Hi Matthew,

    Big fan! Your material has really helped a lot and I look forward to making 2013 a year filled with lots of new experiences and adding value to my life!

    My worst rejection is my most recent one – decided to start dating my then best male friend in May 2012. We were going back and forth a while, but ended up officially dating exclusively. And then six months down the line, he tells me he is moving to Australia (we live in London). Boom! But — he would like to keep dating me until Christmas. Eh, jeez, thanks?

    We are still friends, not the way we used to but we still talk. I try not go get charmed by him again as I know I am not a priority in his life, so I will not make him one in mine…

    But single, in London and armed with awesome advice – 2013 is looking spectacular already!



  185. Amelia says:

    The worst rejection I’ve experienced was in the summer of 2012. I’d known this guy for 12 years – we dated on and off, then he got married. While he was married we actually became good friends. His marriage lasted 5 years. I went back to London in June and we met up. We talked, laughed, kissed. We met a few days later at a wedding and he barely spoke to me. I left a few days later – and even though he said he’d arrange an evening for us to hang out, I never heard from him. I went back home and couldn’t get out of bed for a week. Not because I thought anything would come of it, but because I thought I meant more to him as a friend. It’s been 7 months and we still haven’t spoken. I have since lost all respect for him and realise I don’t need people like that in my life!

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Amelia,

      Thanks for sharing your story with everyone. So many women have been in the same position, you sharing your story helps them all.


  186. Karen says:

    It is just hard put myself out there 3 times last year and got rejected 3 times. One guy moved away for work, second guy we became friends, and knew he was not boyfriend /husband material but just fun to hang out with, 3rd one we have been friends for 3 years and he asked for my number and we started hanging out going for walks, texting talking and emailing. New years day posts he is in a relationship…what a way to find out…;o( I just want to stop being everyone’s friend. So this year continueing to get healthy, lose more weight concentrate on me ;O) Happy New Year Ladies & Matt and good luck to all of you. Karen

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Karen,

      Thanks for sharing with us! Working on yourself is a surefire way to further your life towards your goals.


  187. Genevieve says:

    My most painful experience with rejection was the night before new years eve about two years ago. The son of an old family friend came back into town after being away for a long time. I hadn’t seen him since we were young and now that we were both adults, there was a new-found attraction. We first started communicating and talking as friends, it then turned into this sort of “flirtationship” where we would talk on the phone, text all day, be flirty etc.. he started to become distant and text/call less but the flirtatiousness intensified, and I was under the impression he really wanted me. One particular week he became very distant, and I was experiencing some distress because I had just found out I’d lost my scholarship to the university i was attending. I wanted to talk to confide in him, so I called. He kept the conversation short and didn’t say much. Then I asked him what he was doing for new years… he told me he’d be spending it with his girlfriend. I played it cool and said that that was nice, but as soon as I hung up I cried. I had involved myself emotionally with a guy who had a girlfriend. It’s not the typical “rejection” but rejected was how I felt.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Genevieve,

      Plenty of girls have been in your shoes and I know that you story helps them feel not alone. Thanks for sharing!


  188. Ashley says:

    Hi Matthew! Thanks for the encouragement. Here is my rejection story that happened a few months ago.

    My boyfriend (that I dated for 7 months) cheated on me with a married woman from his work. I hate the fact that he had kissed me & brought up getting married the next day after he had cheated on me, meanwhile during this time he was flirting with this other girl on his phone. I broke up with him when he told me that he lied to me & some of what happened with this other girl. After I broke up with him, a few days later he got into a relationship with a different girl from his work who was also married. That only lasted for two weeks. After that he got into another relationship lol with a girl from his work who is three years younger than me & he told me that he can’t stand her personality. They broke up for a few weeks and now are back together again. We aren’t talking anymore now (which is a good thing). I have to remind myself why I broke up with him so he doesn’t try to talk me into coming back (which he has tried). Sometimes it’s like I forget that he’s a creep & that he cheated on me once he starts talking. I’m ready for 2013 though, to move forward in life & forget about him. :)

  189. Maryam says:

    Well, this is just one of many, I guess :P

    I was about 19 years old and at a friends party when a really cute (also a little drunk) guy started chatting me up. I was up for fun, so after a while we made out a bit (yeah always a good start to a relationship, I know..). Anyways, we exchanged numbers and said goodbye after a really long night together (still at that friends house though).
    A few days later he still hadn’t called or anything, so I thought, well, I’ll just text him and see if he wants to meet up. He then texted me back that he had kinda forgotten me and met his dream woman and they’re now seeing each other blabla.
    It all seemed like an excuse and like he didn’t want to be confronted with this at all, and when I did contact him, he hat to find some easy way out. And even if it was true, I don’t know, being forgotten? Not that nice…

  190. Riad says:

    Rejection! OH GOD. Last year, I’ve been rejected by the two persons I love most. First, My best friend. We’ve known each other for about three years, we shared everything together, we were like brothers. But in March, 2012. And honestly, I really don’t know why, he broke up with me, telling me that we’re just not meant to be, like that, with no reason, he walked out of m life. It sucked, to be honest. I wanted to put and end to my life, i was done! But then, I saw all of your videos online, You were such a positive person, wise, and you give precious & usefull advices. You helped to get through the sadness. So, I went to his home, I forced him to talk to me, telling him that he’s simply an idiot, that he’s such a jurk and everything, and at the end, before i leave, I told him, that he’s still my friend, that i do love him [as a friend]. And then, after many days, he came back and appologized to me for everything, but I told him that were not meant to be. And since that day, I feel so good about myself, I don’t know why. The second person who rejected me was my girlfriend, she told me: You’re not what i’m looking for, i’m sick of this, of us. But the weird thing is that we’ve been together for like a year. Well, that’s the problem, it’s only been a week, I don’t know how to get over her, what I should tell her, ps: I think i still love her. Anyway, i’m all confused. A little help Matt please ?!
    Thank you, have a good day and an amazing year.
    Lots of love, Riad.
    Ps: if I made mistakes while writing this, please forgive me. Xoxo..

  191. Rachel says:

    A couple of times when I’d been chatting to a guy for a while, was trying to find out a guy’s number or asking if he had a girlfriend… both guys were just really blunt about saying no! One guy even looked disgusted that I’d asked – what a lovely response :-) At least women often have the grace to reveal they’re flattered that a guy tried to get their number or ask them out, even if they’re not interested in the guy.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Rachel,

      Thanks for sharing your story with all of us! Rejection is never easy but with all of these stories we can help people not feel alone in it.


  192. Neeraja says:

    hey Matthew!

    thank you so much for all your words of wisdom! It always brings hope back to me, not just regarding guy, but people in general too.

    2 years ago in high school, I put myself out there completely in a hope of making a ton of friends. turns out there is such a thing as being ‘too out there’ and being overtly enthusiastic. I ended up making a ton of people uncomfortable and I get that now, but it was tough being rejected like that.

    it did make me a little stronger. Now I’m pretty much indifferent to rejection. but with that I’ve become somewhat indifferent to the positive in people too, which is hardly a good thing. this year, like you said, I’m gonna put myself out there the right way. sure, rejection may hurt, but if I don’t I won’t let myself receive the warmth and love of people either.

    so thank you :)

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Neeraja,

      That’s exactly what you have to keep in mind when you’re facing rejection. Ultimately, the right people are worth going through it.



  193. lizzy says:

    I met a rather nice guy at my local shopping mall after i got over my ex, with the help of your articles of coursed.(early last year.and we got attracted to each other almost immediately. He got my number and called me for like three times after that, I guess i played a little too hard to get, and he got pissed off and refused to call me anymore. I searched for him on facebook and even though he added me, he completely ignored me. Its almost a year now, Even though i really liked this guy, I feel helpless.

  194. Denisse says:

    Well, Everything you said made me realize I don´t have a rejection story in which I had felt depressed maybe I haven´t felt in love yet! I am 35 years old and I guess I´ve never been in love. Is that possible? I have a 15-year-old son and it could be I´m afraid of falling for someone because of my son or maybe I put a wall in order to be saved all the time. I want to fall in love and have a family but it seems so difficult. Most men think that when you have a child, you need sex and we are”vulnerable”. That´s why maybe I am protecting myself from being hurt!

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Denisse,

      Its never too late to start putting yourself out there. If you’re not quite comfortable with dating yet then try just making new friends and talking to new people around you. Thanks for commenting!


  195. Liz says:

    Great Inspiration points for 2013 Matthew- thank you!

    My rejection is recent. Two years ago I met a guy through work, huge, charismatic, beautiful (to me) and for two years we have had a strange on and off thing – very intense. Usually we see each other and then suddenly he turns on me and dumps me by text.Late last year he contacted me again, promised never to hurt me, and we had a blissful two months together, and he suddenly seemed to have fallen in love with me (as I have been with him for two years). Hi situation was complicated and we have always said that we had to accept that couldn’t change, when suddenly he said he couldn’t stand it any more and wanted to be with me forever. I was over the moon. It then transpired that he expected me to put up a year’s rent so that he could move out into his own place for the sake of his children. I said I could help, but didn’t earn enough or have enough savings to do this. At which point he said I had betrayed his trust and love and he dumped me by text. I was devastated.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Liz,

      Sorry you went through that. I hope in 2013 you put yourself in out there in the world to meet new people and move forward in your life.


      • Liz says:

        Thanks Matthew.

        And thanks for being an inspiration and a support to us all. You are a wise man. (Any chance you could clone yourself several million times)? :-D x

  196. Grace says:

    I don’t have a story of rejection, but of one that might become one. Cotillion is in one month. I am attracted to my date but his friends have made it clear that he hasn’t thought of a girl in that way for a while due to a previous rejection. This month I plan on working out often in order to feel like my best self. When cotillion rolls around and if I’m still attracted to him I plan on telling him how I feel because I don’t want to regret never figuring out if it might have worked.

  197. Hannah says:

    I once gave my number to a guy (a fellow writer/acquaintance), telling him that I planned on going to the coffee shop that afternoon and he should join if interested.

    He said that he had coffee in his plans as well and maybe he’d see me there.

    Well, I never saw him there and he never called, but at least I went anyway!

  198. Maria says:

    My biggest rejection was my husband saying to me after a 16 year marriage and having just had our son that I don’t love you anymore!;( I went through 2 rough depressive years following that…then went online and have been having fun “dating” and learning all the rules/methods/principles out there and coming across your site Mathew has helped me loads..I stroll don’t understand why guys just disappear after half a dozen dates but am working on myself not to be bothered about it, as its their loss, NEXT! ;) so am working on millimetre shifts and bring proactive and increasing my social network, your online tutorials are my bible now matthew! Thank you so much and will try and make rejection my friend and laugh it off…x

  199. sophia says:

    Hello Mathew, as always great videos.
    Mathew.no matter where i go no matter what circumstances i have always been rejected.
    I find myself attracting the men who i have no connection or attraction to.
    Im quite direct and forward because i believe you have to make things clear so men understand.
    I like to speak up about my feelings but its not attracting anyone.
    I cant seem to get a relationship.
    How can i get the man i want?

    Kind regards

  200. Ari says:

    Hi! Become friends with rejection.. Wow, you really make me think differently about things, you’re right..
    So, this is my story about rejection: I fell in love with a co-worker. I met him at work and went out one time, then I met his best friend (a girl) who seemed to be vert nice.. Me and her were going out a lot, never with him and I rarely brought him out as a topic of conversation.. She was dating someone at the time so I kind of became a friend she rely on to talk about things when they were going wrong..
    Meanwhile I tried to be as friendly and open to any oportunity I had to see my “co-worker” because we weren’t talking much, but it became harder and weirder, I started hearing things like: “everyone knows you like him” “maybe he’s not talking to you because he’s overwealmed”.. And I was caught in the middle, confused and ashamed.. But being near him just didn’t help me.. I know, I fell in love on my own, I created an idea, hoped for something and never gave up.. The last two months were the worst ‘ cause I thought I had it under control but God I was wrong.. Long story short, I saw him and his best friend kissing at this party we were, and also had to listen to their drunk friend (who was hosting the party but I’ve never met before) how he knew this would happen, how he suspected something but never said anything..
    Oh yes, it hit me that day, he and I would never be together, I never knew how much in love I was until my heart was broken and I had to find a way to shake this up ’cause I’ll have them both working with me next year.. I thought the best thing I could do is to leave things as they were.. It’s been hard, I’ve been seeing them at birthday parties and facebook, they seemed to be doing great and moving on into a serious relaltionship.. Makes me sad, not gonna lie, but I guess eventually things will get better…

    This is why I think you were right with accepting rejection, moving on with your life.. I wouldn’t Say I’m scared of love, but next time I’ll be carerull..


    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Ari,

      Thanks for sharing! Hopefully all these stories will show us all that we are not alone in dealing with rejection.


  201. lizzy says:

    Ok,After getting over my ex with the help of your article of course early last year, I was ready to fall in love again… so,I met this guy at a local shopping mall. I gave him my number,and he called me the next day saying he would love to see me again blah blah.. I really liked this guy even though i only met him once,but i guess i played a little too hard to get and he got pissed of.I never heard from him again.
    I know its a bit stupid, when i searched for him on facebook and sent him a friend request ,he did add me, but completely ignored me….

  202. Nancy says:

    Well when i was in high i told a guy that i liked him and he didnt feel the same way. Ever since then i’ve been so afraid i being rejected that i dont even bother talking to guys i like anymore. But like you said its a new year :).

  203. Emma says:

    This ‘younger’ guy that I have been spending time (for the last year) went home to his parents for the holidays for 2 weeks. The last time he did, we Skyped a few times a week during the time he was gone… So yesterday, I called him via ‘facetime’ to see what was going on and if he wanted to see my face… since he has been gone for what seemed like a while to me. He did not pick up.
    Then I texted him: “wanted to see your face for some time”
    He texted back: “Hey, happy new years. I’ll be back Tuesday”
    (Whatever that means???)
    My response was: Oh OK… Happy New Year to you too.

    I felt totally rejected, but realized that regardless of how much time we spend together here in NY… He’s is just not that into me right now.
    I definitely need continue to consider other men for romantic relationships.

  204. Barbara says:

    Matthew, you are simply amazing! Thanks a lot for all your posts :-) Have a good year!

  205. Elizabeth says:

    Sorry let me rephrase that.:)
    Thanks to the help of Matthew Hussey, I will learned to attract the guy I like.
    And that rejection happens to everyone.

  206. Alice says:

    Have you ever seen the “You Wanna Be My Friend” scene in the musical “Closer Than Ever”? I pretty much live that scene over and over. Rejection is my talent.

    The latest: I met a boy (note, I use boy, not man) through an event I was producing at my job. He was a delight that night, funny, charming, attentive, a bit unsure, yet bold. We clearly had similar interests and by the end of the evening, exchanged contact information. Not a word from him.

    Weeks later, he showed up at another event of which I was in attendance. It was like we were old friends. Another evening of great conversation, much laughter, a bit of intrigue, flirting, and friendship building. The next week, another event, the next, the same. This went on for a few weeks, slowly getting to know one another. It was lovely, organic, patient, enjoyable, no pressure. He was looking for “the one”. I was looking for someone worthy of sharing the incredible life I have who doesn’t fear my independence, my power as a human, the energy of me. He seemed to be all these things.

    Now, back to “Closer Than Ever” for some exposition. I have been rejected dozens of times in the last years. I hold the world’s record for “most dates scheduled that never happen” and “most first dates that never get to a second” and the most “non-dates” (evenings that I was very clear were dates, but apparently my date didn’t realize it). I apparently have about an 18 hour expiration date and my shiny wears off.

    This causes me to be rather upfront. One evening, things were clearly progressing with this boy. He walked me to the car after an amazing night with friends. He kissed me (it was sort of other-worldly, I can give him that). He agreed we would talk the next day and make plans for a night out with just the two of us. He actually sent a message the very next day. We had a tentative Sunday night dinner and a more official plan for Monday, which was my birthday. I asked him outright of his intentions, was he interested in more than sleeping with me because of that I had no interest. His reply: “Yes, more. More time, a relationship, a friendship…” It was sweet, and sincere. I felt good knowing that there were clear expectations to avoid the: “oh, I don’t want to be anyone’s boyfriend” the children I’d met had fed me time and time again before this guy (or the date who brought a date on our date – our 5th date…or the steady date who suddenly revealed his six other girlfriends in six other states and the wife at home…or….or….or….or….or…….). Clear expectations, intent confirmed, no misunderstandings possible. Right?

    I was on cloud nine. I had met a man, a good man, an intelligent man, a man who fit in my world and complemented it, who saw my worth and liked my quirks. I met him from simply living my life without having to try – without the constant heat seeking missile way I had floundered in the past. I was going to spend my birthday with a man that I admired and enjoyed every moment with.

    Then suddenly that Saturday afternoon, the messages stopped. The calls to make decisions about Sunday weren’t returned. Monday morning rolls around and I sent a simple message: “you’re not coming tonight, are you?” About 5 minutes before we were to meet for my birthday dinner, he responded that he was at work. Lovely. I ordered a bottle of Tequila and proceeded to make bad choices.

    Weeks went by, no word. Nothing at all. I finally sent a message with an inquiry: “why”.

    He told me he wanted a relationship, friendship…and an hour later apparently met someone else. He apologized for hurting me, wanted to “be my friend,” gave me some stupid line about things taking time (our meeting to the expectation conversation took 4 months and many evenings out and conversations between). I can’t recall what I responded with, but he wrote: “you’re making this a bigger deal than it is.”

    Here’s my response: “Simply because you placed no value on our interaction, does not give you the right to diminish the importance I placed on it and to dictate my emotions. You chose someone else, I can accept that. You handled it poorly, I can forgive that. I cannot sit by idly and allow you to belittle what I am feeling.”

    This year is a learning year. A research year to figure out that dynamic that attracts and keeps the attraction. To understand patience in this (even four months was clearly not enough). To live fully alone without wishing for another, yet being open to it if someone of value appears. This is my testosterone detox year. My dating sabbatical…not giving up, the sabbatical to rethink and question why I have allowed those unworthy of my time, attention, and kindness to keep me so precarious. No more. That rejection was the final moment to send me back to study – to study me and create the life I want with or without someone who appreciates the beauty I have cultivated.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Alice,

      Take the four big ideas we discussed in this blog and try and find a way to make them your own. Let’s make 2013 a great year together!


    • Serafina says:

      Alice, you almost had me in tears by the time I finished reading. This is so beautifully written, I loved it, and my heart goes out to you.
      Good luck and peace,

    • Rivka says:

      I love your reply to him, and what you said to the effect that he cannot belittle what you are feeling.

      • Alice says:

        I’m not sure why so many women accept “let’s be friends”. I don’t need any more of those kind of friends and I won’t stand for any man trying to absolve himself of wrong doing by belittling a woman’s response. It’s time for a break from all that. :)

        • Trace says:

          when you turn that breaking point into a jumping-off point, well you’re definitely headed in the right direction ! that’s the great thing about Get The Guy – Matthew puts it all in proper perspective and sends us off with such a positive spin, you can’t help but win.

          good luck and have a fabulous year, Alice !

  207. zara says:


    I remember having a crush on a collegue at work.
    i guess ive been so much around him and plus that time i wasnt that aware that i wasnt giving my self some value. i just didnt know how to approach the guy.
    later on i was totally ignored. so wud i say its considerd rejection? :)


  208. Amy says:

    Hi Matt,

    thanks for being amazingly awesome all the time. I am part of your programme and I can definitely recommend this to everyone! It.’s simply awesome!
    I was rejected by a man two years ago. We started dating first and he directly started to wanna have sex with me. ..I was 21 at that ponit and didn’t know anything about your wonderful advises! Throughout the following dates I slept with him and even I was the one who told him that I was in love…he said he wasn’t…so I told him I wanna sleep with him and he agreed for another date…it was a gorgeous date but after that I told him I only want him as my boyfriend. No friendship, no affair and if he doesn’t agree I don’t wanna have contact with him any more. He was addicted to me I felt it but you can see all the stupid mistakes I made! After 3 weeks he called me and said he is in love with me and he couldn’t admit it to himself before, he said he was feared cause his ex cheated on him. He asked me if I want it any more too and I said directly yes (I roll my eyes while reading all these mistakes I made). I told him to give me time and he wanted to see me so deeply and after 2 weeks I dated him. He told me that he likes me very much and that was honest…I felt it..but then he tried to have sex with me being home. I wanted to do something else but couldn’t reject him I was turned on too…so we had sec this night for about 4 or 5 times…we went to the shower after the first time and directly started to have the second sex and this happend 4 or 5 times. During the night he turned strange to me. I asked him whats wrong and he said nothing. I said that I wanna know now cause this feeling between us was awkward and he said he doesn’t want this with me and I said to him: “If this is true I directly go now and you will never ever see me again.” He felt very bad but it wad middle of the night I had to wait till next morning to go on the train back home. Abd so I cried the whole night in his bed…we even made a srx video that night, before he told me that he didnt want me any more. So next morning I went away crying and he kissed me on my forehead and felt so bad. He always underlined its not because of me! But you see all the mistakes I made…I also focused my life on him not on my life, I was always there when he texted or called..Anyway the folliwing weeks we continued having contact but without seeing each other. Once again he told me he wanna have a relationship with me after a couple of weeks and I again agreed to him but never met him, because I didn’t want…and after a few weeks he again said he doesn’t want it any more and I finally asked hom why! why did you then say you were in love with me and Matt I felt that this was not a lie he was in love with me! And he answered that was just a lie because I wanted tp have sex with you again. And I said well if thats true I am wondering why you are still here and not in Hollywood cause then you are an gorgeous actor! I felt that he was in love with me but I assume because of all these mistakes I made…you know! After that he tried to have contact with me the next whole year and once I said I was in his town he directly broke up work and wanted to meet me, I tild him before that he will never get sex from me again but he just liked me…but I finally said no to this date and after a year of contact and flirting with me via phone etc I said that I dont wanna have contact with him any more and sunce then we didn’t have. But as a result I can truly say that if I had known you Mr Wonderful Hussey during that time that would definitely have turned into a relationship cause I made so many mistakes which I reslised during your programme. And by the way he was an asshole so I don’t wanna have these type of guy again. I am dating a wonderful guy next week for the first time :) We have been in contact for 6 minth now…he had to show me that he is interested in me, my heart and not in my beautiful body first and he did a pretty good job for 6 month…we have contact nearly every day and Ihe asked me so many times for a date..I always said yes but first I wanted to see that he is interested in me in my heart and not in my looks as I said it before. And he definitely showed me the last few month! So I will agree to a date the next weeks and am sooo looking firward to it…but I still need your help Matt: Should I kiss him back when he kissed me on the first date??? No sex after getting…what you described in your programme, thazs claer, I won’t do that until I reach to that point with him…but what about kissing him back on the first date when he tries to kiss me??? please help I need your help Matt!!! Thank you so much for everything!!! :) ps. I changed my name amd my email address for this comment just for safety and pps. I am not from Ukor Usa or whereever you speak English, so if you finf any grammatical mistakes please keep them as a gift. They are quite rare to get from me…so this is very special if you find one ;) Lots of love and I wish you a very successful 2013, the best year you’ve ever had!!! xx

  209. Elizabeth says:

    Hi, my name is Elizabeth, and I been rejected many times, but the most recent rejection was, when I got the courage to ask my crush to go to a concert with me.
    Of course he wasn’t interested, so he said, ” I’m busy that week, but let me think about it.” I asked him again but to his favorite band concert. And still turn me down. I stop trying, because I didn’t wanted to seem desperate. And I have learned to value myself. And got the clue that he wasn’t that into me. But that hasn’t stopped me. And I know that wont be the last rejection, I’m only 19. But I do know, that I will attract the right guy I like.
    Thanks to the of Matthew Hussey.
    Ps to any beautiful person who reads this.
    Rehection happens to everyone, not just you.

  210. Maddy says:

    I’ve always feared rejection, and that is why I have usually avoided it…at all costs. One time, I was walking home with a guy that had been my friend for YEARS. I was finally going to tell him I liked him. And then, he blurted out that he wanted to get back together with our mutual friend. It really hurt. Then, I started liking another guy. I even carpooled 2 hours back to college with him. We watched a movie, and I thought things went great. Then, he just stopped talking to me all at once. I sent a few Facebook messages, and when he didn’t respond, figured that he just didn’t like me anymore. This year I will try to put myself out there more! And I just need to look rejection in the eye and tell him I’ll get the best of him next time.

  211. Marianne says:

    My very first relationship was monogamous and lasted for years and my second, was to the love of my life to whom I was blissfully married for 11 years. He was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer early May ’09 and passed away with me by His side, 6 weeks later.
    It’s taken me years to recover. Finding the perfect man, the perfect husband, the perfect human being; friend and partner in everything, almost never happens and I was one of the very lucky ones.
    Now, I want to be in a relationship, but having been so loved and so indulged, has left me feeling terrified of putting myself “out there”…. for men to analyze; scrutinize and criticize. It’s difficult to imagine what it feels like to fall from the highest of pedestals on which a man who is truly devoted and in love, will place the love of his life.
    I’m proud; am well aware of my worth and value and, I’m scared. We absolutely are all looking for love in our lives. It’ll open doors we thought were closed for good and define if not at least refine, who we are while allowing us to live our potential and all our dreams. I know, I’ve had That.
    Even though I’m scared, I’m convinced that I will one day again, be with someone worthy of me. Meanwhile, I’ll continue working with the one person who will never leave me and whom I will always be able to depend upon: Me. XOX

  212. Jen says:

    I recently dated a guy for around 4 months! In the beginning he would text everyday, call me up every other day and treated my like a queen anytime we went out together! After the first month he told me he’d like to make things official between us and things were fantastic! until one day when he suddenly cut all contact with me’ ! I heard nothing from him and after a few weeks I text him and received no reply! The following day I was chatting with a work colleague who was telling me about a new guy she’d been dating and revealed that it was infact the guy I’d been seeing for 4 months!! I was devastated by the news but felt grateful I’d found out now! As painful as it was, I’m a stronger person for the experience and will not allow it to dampen my spirits! Bring on the new year and the challenges it may bring :)! X

  213. Rina says:

    i recently started seeing this guy i met randomly while working, we are not colleagues but happened to be in the same place. We exchanged greeting and phone numbers. He texted the next day and went out on our first date the day after. The best date i ever had and he seemed to have fun too, we ended up at his place and you can guess the rest. He texted the next day and kept in touch all seemed to be going well. 2nd date had to be in my place as i am a single mother and didn’t have nanny that day, i invited him over for dinner and movie :) well until here, he showed up with flowers and a gift for my son….we had a good time and we have amazing chemistry….but after that date he went kinda cold and after a few days i asked him if he wanted us to continue seeing each other he said he is not looking for anything serious right now and that he has a lot going on, which i kind of know is true as he said from day one he is workaholic and work late every single night till about 10 or 11 pm and said he doesn’t want to feel that he has to see anyone but he suggested that we see each other when ever we can but he is not ready for anything more or expectations….I am a little confused as i can tell he really likes me and he said that but he doesn’t want anything serious. I said that at this stage i would rather not put labels to it but i would like us to get to know each other with an open mind to every outcome….than he suggested friends with benefits… :( and said is that a label…i said well that means he have to be friends fist…so he kept going on and on about how busy we both are and we have other priorities…my question is, does he not want to be with me or he simple got scared away by my single mom status…he knows i am independent and have a good job and all that….should i get back in touch with him or just wait for him to do that….i really like him and i would really like to see him again but not sure how to go about it without being pushy. He said “we see each other when we see each other but no going out of our way or try to force things one way or another”!! did i just get dumped or is there still a chance?

  214. Nikki says:


    It’s really comforting to see how many people go through what I am currently.

    A few months ago I met a guy and by our second date there was a visceral connection like I had never experienced. I think the main reason was not how he looked, even though he was attractive, but rather how he made me feel about myself. He was very sweet and would contact me daily asking how I was and never seeming bored by what I had to say. There were a couple oddities, like that he was not eager to have me meet his sisters when we ran into them on a date. Also he would talk about taking me to dinners and wining and dining me and then when the night came around, he would talk about having no money and use this as a reason to avoid a restaurant, when he would spend more on takeout for us both from restaurants that we would have gone to. The strangest part was that he complained about my not being as attentive as he was just as I found out that he was paying a great deal of attention to a friend of mine (who we knew separately) by sending her suggestive messages and even planning a backpacking trek through Europe with her around the same time I was to be traveling.
    This was more of a rejection in spirit than in expression but he made it known that he was not right for me and I can only be glad that it happened earlier rather than later. :)
    Thanks for that. It was cathartic.

  215. Lori says:

    About 2 years ago my boyfriend of 7 years whom I had been living with for a year went on a business trip to China, and met a girl half his age who told him she was in love with him, after a short conversation, they saw each other for about 2 weeks and he came back home and said he was going to leave me for her. When told him I loved him he changed his mind. It was the toughest peroid I ever had in my life getting over this rejection, for a younger woman who was the complete opposite of me. I detemined myself to make some changes to make myself better rather than to become bitter. We are still together and part of my education has been with you Mathew and others such as Micheal Fiore, and Rori ray, and Cheri Norris, and many others.
    I now have a full time job which makes me less dependant on him and can continue the changes with a clear mind to know I can leave or stay at will.
    I beleive I was meant to stay with him some how as work was hard to find and had I a full time job and the ability to support myself on my own I would have left been injured and became yet another bitter woman in her 40s. I dont want that for myself. I want to glow with happiness, Love, and openness to life!!

  216. georgia says:

    I am so excited about the book coming out and will definitely buy it and also so happy about the series coming to NBC. I am wanting to move on with with my life but having a hard time. I am 53 and still need love and to be valued as we all do no matter what age we are or sex we are. I fell in love with a married man, not knowing he was married at the time. i still love him but I am not a woman to break up a family. I have a child myself so I would never want to do that. however I still love him and miss him but i go on with my life and date other people and try every hard to forget him. I will be okay because i believe in myself and life. A lot of people think that we older people do not matter but all people matter. I believe in people and me, and Jesus and God so I will be just fine.

  217. Olala says:

    I know the theme is about rejection, but I just want to say to all the women- do not lose your hope. I was very cynical about being in love or even in the relationship. I could not understand how is it possible to have a deep connection with all the parties, alcohol, sex revolution- not that I don’t like it, I just know that it makes harder to stay faithful and look for something serious. I think I met someone who could potentially become my soul mate. Maybe I am wrong, maybe I will have a laugh some time later on when I read this post again, but at the moment I am starting to believe that love exists and it feels great. Btw Before putting yourself down, because of all the rejection you get, think about all the people you rejected. I bet some of them were good guys, but it wasn’t just what you were looking for. Therefore, rejection means nothing wrong. You have to experience some bad things so you can appreciate the goods that are waiting for you.

  218. here says:

    Hey matt I can never watch ur videos. I have adobe flash player so I don’t know why this is and my phone has everything straight I can see everyone elses videos? What’s the 4 things. :\ ???

    I had my guy tell me how he went 2 the bar and these girls all wanted to buy him stuff and invited him 2 live with them and he said… I said no, but your not like that. And he laughed. It was soo cute

  219. Megan says:

    I rarely ask a guy out (usually I wait to be asked) but when I was a senior in High School (like 6 years ago) I asked the guy I had been crushing on in my math class and cross country/track team if he wanted to go to the prom with me. I was incredibly nervous to the point that I probably studered. It was after a long run and before an ab workout when I popped the question if he’d go with me (He was alone when I asked). He said he’d think about it. As soon as the ab workout was over I quickly fled to the women’s locker room because I didn’t want to hear his answer, but alas he called my name before I went in and pulled me aside and waited for all the women to go in and then he turned me down. Unfortunately I don’t remember what he said, but I got rejected. I don’t like rejection/being rejected but I guess its keeping me away from the people I want to be in a relationship with. I guess I should take a risk and pop the question again (i.e do you want to go out?) and see where it gets me! ) Thanks for some food for thought!

  220. Kim says:

    Yay! He is back with a great video above and the vitality and passion we are used to seeing!
    The guy I was exclusive with asked to meet me at a dessert restaurant. When he arrived at the table, he sat down and said “first things first” and blew the candle out on the table. I didn’t say anything, just laughed inside. He broke up with me, it did sting initially but I never was really that into him, I was just being needy when I was with him. Didin’t see it at the time but I know when I go into it now….only took me 30 years lol..you see sometimes the person rejecting thinks it will be worse on you then it is..and of course, its never about them..just an opportunity to learn what mistakes I was making…again.

  221. Ciara says:

    Hey Matt,

    My rejection happened last year. This guy and I had been friends and at times a little more then friends for 6 1/2 years. I thought we could marry but we never made our relationship an official romantic relationship. I asked him out but he said no. I was devestated and heartbroken but I pulled myself together. I am so embarrassed by the situation. I dont talk to him or see him. I really want to try to love again this year.

  222. Adria says:

    I haven’t dated anyone since my divorce which was 2 yrs ago but reconnected with a guy from high school that I never really knew all that well but enough to say hi etc. and we had mutual friends. We were always attracted to each other though. He found me on fb and we have been talking via text for about 3 months. The 1st 2 months we spoke almost every day. We met up with some friends once at the beginning and had a great time. He told me weeks later while I expressing my annoyance with some men only wanting one night stands… that if he wasn’t putting all his time & energy into his 6 year old daughter that he would have tried (relationship) with me. We occasionally talk about getting together and he teases “no drinking” don’t trust myself. He said that women in the past don’t understand his work hours and the time he has committed to his daughter. I really like him but not holding my breath… We remain friends. I am always putting myself in social situations and I do get rejected from men and I do look at it as experience and sometimes the challenge can be fun.

  223. Claudia says:

    I was rejected a few weeks ago by a guy I was dating. At first he was super-nice, the perfect guy, sweet, interesting, handsome.. Maybe too perfect to be true? Hmmm. :P
    Well, as soon as I showed him my personality, the real me, so as soon as I started trusting him a little bit (which is extremely diffult for me buuut I forgot that part of me with him, don’t ask me why), he disappeared. I guess I scared him? I don’t know, maybe. And I didn’t ask him to marry me or something, I swear hahaha. The only thing I did wrong was trusting him and showing him things about myself, which exposed me to what happened next.
    But he didn’t just disappear.. what I hated and what hurt me is the way he behaved next: the next time I met him, we were in the club where I first met him, he was with his (boy)friends and started acting like an asshole showing me a new (and not nice at all) side of him. So I asked him an explanation because I wanted to understand what was happening, and at first it seemed like everything was fine again, he said he wanted to get to know me better, that he had missed me and all, but of course that was not true, he just wanted to play which I didn’t agree. I don’t like being treated like a toy.
    Next time I met him (same place) he behaved even worse, he let his friends dancing around me and things like that, like I was some kind of cheap toy they also could use. The day after that night we argued because he denied he had told me he wanted to get to know me better and denied he had done anything wrong with his friends. All I wanted at that point was to be left alone, but he made things impossible. He denied everything he had said or done, which is crazy.

    I honestly don’t understand what happened and why he had this Dr Jekyll-and-Mr Hyde behaviour (one minute he tells me he wants me, the minute later he rejects me) well.. I guess I’m extemely good at meeting selfish assholes.

    The “good” thing is that now I’ll be more careful, trying to take risks without getting romantically involved with the wrong guys. Well, at least I’ll try. Intention for the New Year. :P

  224. Jessica Hartman says:

    My latest rejection came in the form of an email. All he said was I wanted more and he wouldn’t give any more now or ever. This after years of subtle flirtation and utter love sickness. So close and yet so far.

  225. Izzy says:

    Hey Mathew! Happy 2013 to you too, and congrats on your book! Will I be able to get here in Australia?

    Well anyway, I suppose my most recent rejection is the funniest! It was New Years Eve and I was with one of my mates, I do admit we were both a bit tipsy, anyway I was hoping that after all this flirting and chemistry that had been going on between us that we could kiss at midnight. However, when I leaned in to kiss him he backed away and asked me what I was doing, I said I was going to kiss you, he then replied there is something I need to tell you, long story short he ended up saying “I’m gay”. Well I can defiantly tell you that was the perfect way to end the year with a bang! ahahahaha

    We are now just friends, and closer than ever! I see it as a good rejection! :) Izzy

  226. Ana says:

    In high school, when I was fifteen or sixteen, and after a class ended I declare myself to the guy who I liked the months. I went to him and told him I liked him and asked if he liked me, so I remember the answer to be no. I remember spending the rest of the day in a bad mood and very sad. Starting that day never declared myself a guy without being sure that he felt concern for me.

  227. Dorthea says:

    My boyfriend was didn’t reject me, he just pulled away from me more and more for a couple of months. Those were probably two of my toughest month of my life and finally broke up with him. After wards, when we had come on good terms again, he told me that he hadn’t had feelings for me in months and had just been too afraid to hurt my feelings and too much of a coward to want to reject me, he just wanted to see if he could fall in love again (by avoiding me that is). I would have loved to just be rejected. Embrace that the guy is being honest with you <3 I am now seeing him all day every day, because we are in the same class in gymnasium (12th grade, I'm from Denmark) I'm over him and it doesn't hurt me to see him in class… it is just hard getting reminded of the rejection all the time

  228. Esperanza says:

    I’ve always had this fear of rejection and I really never knew how to control it, I felt like what if you do finally find someone you truely fall in love with and when you find deep inside yourself the strength to tell them you’ve fallen in love they just flat out reject you. But I ended up falling in love with a guy that I knew would cause issues just because we both had seperate groups of friends and our friends really disliked eachother so in a way I found them influencing our friendship and determining if we should trust eachother or not. Well one day I thought it was enough, he would always say that we are friends forever and I wanted more then that, so I told him that I’m in love with him. He was silent for awhile and then I realize it was a mistake to tell him how I felt, I rushed in with whatever distraction topic I could come up with at the time to save myself from how hurt I was and I knew he didn’t want to hurt my feelings so I never brought it up again. We’re still friends till this day but now we hangout with more people and don’t spend as much time together.

  229. Anna says:

    I told my boyfriend of 3-4 months I was in love with him after he told me he doesn’t really us together in the future and it’s better if we move on. I thought it would make things better, however he murmured something like ‘oh, no’. Ouch!!!! :)

  230. ralu says:

    Actually I just got rejected days ago. I was dating this guy from my university dorm. I went home for two weeks for the holidays and when I came back he told me he made up with his girlfriend from home (and apparently he had plans to make it work with her all along, she even visited him while I was gone).

    To be honest, I was stunned because, while he is a very smart and funny guy, I have to admit I always considered myself a bit ‘out of his league’. He is probably the only guy I refused to play games with and I was very sweet with and told him how much I liked him and how smart I thought he was… well all to try and make him comfortable. Apparently he got too comfortable haha.

    It was a blow on my ego most of all, but I was happy to see that the next day I was perfectly ok with everything, I am proud of myself because I took this rejection very well (and normally I don’t).

    And it actually had interesting results, he seems to be trying to flirt with me again and this is just days later!

  231. Brandi says:

    When I was 15 I asked a guy in the grocery store for his number, but he just said “No, I’m good.” Then looked down like I wasn’t standing there. :/ it was my first REAL rejection.

  232. Alex says:

    I was rejected by my best friend. When we initially started being friends, he was interested in me. I said no and that I just wanted to be friends. For the years that followed we were. He tried at one point to kiss me a coue of years later and I said no,just friends again. During that time I was drinking and partying too much and not a good person. I shaped up changed my life, got back into school and now I’m one year away from Graduate school. He and I were still friends. I developed feelings for him and tried to start a relationship. We began being romantic, going on dates started being physical. I went away on a trip for my education for 10 days and when I returned, he was dating another girl. In a full on relationship with her. I had known him for ten years and never once expect him to do something like this. When I asked him what happened he wouldn’t respond. My friend said he was threatened because I really changed my life for the better. Another friend said he won’t respond because he feels guilty betraying me and no one wants to hurt their own ego. So he won’t admit what he did was wrong.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Alex,

      Thanks for sharing! Being rejected without knowing why is frustrating and confusing. Keep focusing your attention on all the positive things you got going on and the fantastic year that’s ahead of you.


    • marcia says:

      It appears that your best friend (IF your best friend is a guy, SHOULD be some one you ARE romantically int in. ! Thats just my opinion ,but that is comming from a woman post 18 yrs great marriage ( he died cancer 2002)Hence,you NOT having int. in him, I agree was probably expecting the impossible. Being his friend yeah (BEST FRIEND??> dif level of Interest/comfort in ea other AND NOW add the mix of physical int.by him/rejected by you.! I am a woman and even I get his frustration. I don’t think any man & woamn can be BEST friends and Not be romantically int together. And it also implies you took for granted YRs of HIS friendship ( especially knowing you rejected him at first) and now you felt offended that (how dare him) seek int in another gal just because you suddenly took int in him. I think you should have distant yourself from his “friendship’ earlier. ( Being objective_yeah yeah its easier on the outside looking in:)

  233. Maribel says:

    Matt all that ever seems to come out of your mouth are words of wisdom! you pretty much hit the nail on the head about everything. Well, onto my rejection story. It was senior year of highschool, i had just won a scholarship and one of the perks of that scholarship was to go to Washington DC and attend some college prep classes, i ended up meeting this really great guy over there, seemed pretty confident and always was surrounded by a bunch of girls, we would exchange awesome banter and i had never really put myself out there before but this guy was too amazing to just let go so after a while of getting to know each other better i told him how i felt and he told me well, to be honest what you told me is overwhelming and i need time to think, he never got back to me and when i reached out to him, he was very distant and cold, he was no longer the charismatic guy i thought i knew.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Maribel,

      You were so brave to tell him how you feel. You can definitely do it again in the new year!


  234. Sybille says:

    I was 16 and naive. I had a massive crush on the most popular guy in school, who happened to be one of my close friends. One day we were taking a evening stroll through the park (we did that alot) and I just blurted out that I liked him (very poor delivery). He just blankly stared at me and said he didn’t feel the same, but that he was flattered. I was crushed.

    But this year shall be different. Rejection can hurt. But it is apart of life as Matthew says and it has a desirable side-effect. The satisfaction of knowing you eliminated future regret.

  235. Mariah says:

    I have been dating a guy for 4 months. When we started we used to hang on every week but then we started to get separated because I went on a travel about a month and we didn’t speak in that time because we had trouble. When I came back from my trip we started talking again and I asked him to have dinner with me so we could see each other. He kind of ignored my invitation but one month later he asked me if I wanted to “go for an ice cream” with him, I accepted and lets see what happens!

  236. Sabrina says:

    Rejection, I guess is nothing new for me anymore. My last rejection was from a guy I really really liked – we are great friends, we tell each other lots of things & we did a lot of things together because we kind of liked the same things. I thought that maybe he might like me too, at least a little bit. I was extra nice to him, and I can’t believe he couldn’t read the signs, even when I dropped little hints. Shy hints maybe.
    Then one day I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I told him the best way I could, in what I’m most comfortable & talented in – writing.
    He just said wow. And said the next few words dreaded by any women – “you’re a really awesome lady, but I’m not looking for a relationship. Not even thinking about it”
    I was floored to think that he even thought that far ahead, so I said I wasn’t looking for one either, but it was a load off my chest.
    We’re still great friends since then. But I’m keeping a bigger distance & setting my sights on someone else who might be crazy enough about me to go the extra mile.

  237. Rumors says:

    Ok, the first time I felt in love with someone I knew that it was going to end very badly for me because he was in love with an other girl. But I was brave, I took I big breath and said all that I was feeling to him because it was something I just had to do. Of course I get rejected but in a nice way. Then we became very good friends. It´s a pitty that now we are a bit distanced and I can not longer say we are friends. But at that time it was great to know that I was strong enough to overcome such a sorrow and mature enough to have a friendship with him. The best thing was to discover that I felt true love because I only wanted that he were happy and not to possess him.

    • Matthew Hussey says:


      Thanks for sharing your story with everyone! Its great for us all to see that we are not alone in experiencing rejection.


      • Rumors says:

        Thanks to you for showing that rejection is not a bad thing that only happens to miserable people. It is something that very few people talks about in that viewpoint.

        P.S: Sorry for my English, I´m spanish…

  238. Trace says:

    by far the most unexpected – and the lamest – rejection yet : things went very well straight off with a guy I had been seeing. the fireworks soon fizzled when he said, ‘I’m not seeing other girls right now … but I’m not opposed to it.’ when we sat down to talk things through he added, ‘well, what I really want is to keep sleeping with you … and also date other people.’ alright. now I see it not so much as a rejection but a whole-hearted declaration of douchebaggery.

    • Jen says:

      Wow! Well Stated! Although it could be said he just knew what he wanted & wasn’t afraid to be rejected. Sad thing is, if he asks 10 girls, one will say yes. At least he let you know his true colors upfront. A lot of guys would have hidden it a long time. He did you a favor by making it so blatantly obvious you should move on.

    • Lori says:

      Gosh Tracie,
      He was being honest, how geat is that, uch better then finding all that out on accident.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Trace,

      That’s funny! Thanks for sharing.


      • Trace says:

        thanks, Jen & Lori ! you’re right – his honest answer to my point-blank question saved me a lot of time and worse heartache later. ok, I give the player credit for that (but I will just keep it to myself).

        and major props to Matthew for such excellent advice all around and for reminding us time and again that searching for The One should above all be FUN ! I hope to get back to you with a success story one day soon.


  239. Amy says:

    I met this guy on a dating site. After a few email and phone conversations we decided to meet up. The meeting went well, according to me. We ate, laughed, and overall had a good time. At the end, he walked me to my car. We said goodbye and gave me a hug. He said that we should do this again. I agreed. Two weeks pass and no phone call. I decide to text him about a movie that’s on cable that he recomend me watching. He seemed thrilled that I was going to watch it. He told me to text him once it was over and let him know how I liked it. I did. We exchanged a couple more texts and said that we need to meet up. I agreed and to this day, haven’t heard from him.

  240. Alex says:

    Hi everyone!? Happy New year! I loved this video Matt rejection is my biggest fear and what a nice idea that we all share our stories, as reading all these other posts made me not feel quite so alone on this! All of my friends are married with children and settled down whilst I was working as cabin crew and lived abroad! Now I am almost 32 and I would love to meet the right guy but past rejection has made me fearful, I don’t handle break ups well, it’s so ironic as I am so sorted in every other area of my life! I had my worst rejection when I moved back to the UK to be with my _ex who I had been long distance with and got home to a big parcel which I assumed was a gift but in fact was a letter ending things with me. It was heart breaking especially as I had left my career and friends! Four years on it still baffles me how he could be so spineless and I still fear ever feeling that low again. Since then I have dated ten men who all have gone great at first but nearly every one had ended in them saying they aren’t in the right place for anything serious or can’t give me the time I deserve? I know it must be me but I have no idea how to break this vicious circle!! Ally xx

  241. Dorthea says:

    My boyfriend was didn’t reject me, he just pulled away from me more and more for a couple of months. Those were probably two of my toughest month of my life and finally broke up with him. After wards, when we had come on good terms again, he told me that he hadn’t had feelings for me in months and had just been too afraid to hurt my feelings and too much of a coward to want to reject me, he just wanted to see if he could fall in love again (by avoiding me that is). I would have loved to just be rejected. Embrace that the guy is being honest with you <3

  242. Andy says:

    The worst rejection I’ve had was a few months ago when a guy I had been on and off with for about two years decided to finish things by litteraly saying “We can’t be together because I don’t love you”. He then confessed he was in love with his dance partner and he’s currently with her. It really hurt, because as a dancer I move in the same enviroment as they do and we’ve even traveled to the same dance congresses, but his honesty helped me to move on quickly and to be able to cope with it.

    Thank you so much for your advices, they make me a better person one video at a time xoxo

  243. Julss says:

    Hi Matthew!
    I’ve been following your videos for a year now and I just wanted to thank you. Thank you for being this great fantastic guy who makes every girl/woman feel like they are an amazing person.
    With your videos you made realize what I worth and now I am proud of who I am and happy to be this person. I know now that I deserve to be love, and I can accept to be love. I still haven’t met ‘the guy’, but now I know that I deserve someone who will love me for who I am, and with my new self confidence, I hope things will be easier for me.

    I wish you a very good year… and f*ck rejection! May all those bad memories remain buried in the past year. Like says the song from Muse… “It’s a new day, it’s a new dawn, it’s a new life for me…and I’m feeling good!”

    PS: You’re awesome ;)

  244. Kyla says:

    I was dating a guy for a few months whom I met through a dating website. Started off a bit guarded with each other, things progressed and started to really connect, fabulous sex… then comes the “I don’t have time for a relationship because I am SOOOOOO busy with work” txt whilst still listed on dating website. Then 2 weeks later comes the “I met a girl 2 weeks ago and fell in love with her – she is vulnerable, a nympho, had a million guys, tried to take her life twice and all my friends have told me I’m better than that”. Yet he chose her. Made me feel just great about myself ;-)

    • Jen says:

      Kyla… You know what I tell a guy after he mentions his crazy ex… I say, “well, clearly I’m way too sane for you since you like crazy girls. I’m afraid this will never work.” Don’t look at it like she won with all her faults & you lost. It’s more like this: like attracts like. I think there are people perfect for each other & people that are terrible for each other. If he is drawn to that, then shouldn’t you be thrilled he’s not also drawn to you?! Crazy loves crazy & really Kayla, from what you said, he doesn’t sound like your Prince Charming. Trust me, you didn’t miss out on a prize if he goes for a self destructive maniac like that. You’ll find someone one day that values your sanity & personal strength.

    • Jen says:

      On the other hand, Matthew’s “Don’t be afraid of rejection” really makes sense here! Crazy girl may have been less afraid of rejection. I don’t know the situation, but perhaps she made him get off the website before she would sleep with him & didnt care if he ran or not.
      Making guys work & commit for it really works. If he’s still looking for something better on a website, there’s no way I’d sleep with him if I wanted something serious.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Kyla,

      I’m sure many other girls have been in a similar situation. Thanks for sharing!


  245. Melissa says:

    Happy New Year, Matthew! I’ve had my fair share of rejections in 2012, ha. I’m okay with it overall because more than I ever had before, I am putting myself out there and taking more chances. One rejection that stands out from the past year was when I started seeing one of my brother’s friends. We seemed to share common interests and the attraction was there, but then he just stopped calling/ texting me. One day months later (after I’d wrote him off as not being boyfriend material) he drunk texted me. That confirmed for me that he was not the right guy for me nor was he the person he portrayed himself to be when we went out. The next day he apologized and said he just didn’t think things would work out between us. None of what he said made sense given the way we interacted during our time together. I know he was attracted to me, but looking back I think he didn’t want a relationship (even though we talked about that kind of stuff and he SAID he did..). It took me some time to get over all of this, but it feels good to know I took a chance and would do it again the same way if I had to because of all I learned from the experience.

  246. Marie says:

    Hi, I don’t know yet if this i a rejection… But it sure felt so!
    I started dating a guy from my school a while before Christmas. It felt great even though I was hesitating at getting into it, because we are very different. He was very up front with his attraction and good thoughts of me and I really enjoyed being with him.
    Then I text-ed him (I saw him the night before, so maybe that was a mistake… among some others I’ve thought of) and he didn’t answer. I decided I wouldn’t get back to him until he contacted me himself. But he didn’t… For 2-3 weeks I didn’t hear anything and I began the process of getting over the guy. Then at a course this Thursday he was there, came to me and hugged me tightly and wanted to talk. I didn’t reject him but I didn’t fall into his arms either, which I think he felt.
    He still hasn’t contacted me and I’m not going to do it.
    Will be interesting to see what happens…
    All the best and thank you.

  247. Donna says:

    I have been rejected in many phases of a relationship. The worst, I would have to say, was when my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years, the one whom I stuck with when he lost his job and got another working 60 hr weeks and every weekend without vacation for a year and who I helped redo his house to sell it… The one who ignored my calls suddenly days before moving day and the one I had to camp out in front of his house until he came out. That one. He came out, looked me in the eye and said “We’re done”. I didn’t know it at that time but it turns out he had been cheating on me for 2 years with a woman 2 hours away and had planned to leave me and move to be with her once the house sold. And those 60 hr weeks/weekends/no vacations? He worked 40 hr weeks and spent days/weekends off and vacations with her for 2 years, with all the evidence on Facebook (I was not on FB at the time). That was 6 months ago and knowing that he was cheating on me made it easier to let him go, as odd as that sounds. Onward and upward. Good bye to 2012!

    • Lori says:

      Now thats a douchbag!!!Sorry hon, move on and meet a wonderful guy

      • Donna says:

        I have learned so much about myself since that “relationship”. It ALMOST makes it worth the hurt. I now know what I will tolerate and will not tolerate and even though I know I was part of the problem, I am trying not to carry that hurt forward into any new relationships. Now if someone can give me an easy answer for that one, then I am all ears. Thanks for the encouragement. I know I am worth so much more and God is just clearing the path to the one I’m supposed to be with.

  248. Infinity says:

    Hahah rejection is my thing since I’ve been rejected so many times but I just feel okay with it. The worst times ever were when:
    – During summer there was that guy who was into me, and we were talking a lot and spending good time together until the day he got what he wanted and started to ignore me overnight.
    – When there was that other guy in my college. He was SO into me too, like even more. And I was afraid to open up because I was afraid of disappointment, but he was insisting and calling/texting me cute things all the time and we has always looking after me and ask for more time together until the day I gave him a chance to get together. 3 days later, he just left me alone.
    – the WORST EVER: I’ve been loving a guy for a very very long time, my first love. He was always filling me with hopes then letting me crash by dating other girls. The last time we talked (long ago), he kissed me but I had to stop him saying that he can’t just do this like everything’s fine, and he said we were going to get together so we kissed again because I believed him. One week of waiting: he didn’t do anything and acted like we were friends, so I ejected him.

    That’s it :) but even if the wall around my heart are high I still believe in love and I truly hope one day I’ll meet the one.

  249. Katherine says:

    Hi Matt! My most vivid rejection was from middle school, I think I was more daring back then. I was online chatting the night before a school dance and wanted a date. I saw one boy come online who was nice and cute. I messaged him, we began chatting, and after a while I asked him if he wanted to go together. He signed off immediately and I never heard back. That one stung!

  250. Helen says:

    OMG Big High 5 to you Matthew, i just followed one of your rules this morning and i feel so great! HA!

    I met this guy in September he was a driver for a kitchen fitting company, he was totally flirting with me, spoke for an hour, told me he was single he also said he was flirting with me, i took two weeks before i gave him my number, then he rang a few times and the night we was suppose to go on a date, he rang up said he was getting back with his ex, then i forgot about him.

    Then he rang me last night *5th Jan 2013* asking to go on a date, err i don’t think so, i have boundaries, he rang at 10pm, err i do not think so, i told him i have VALUES i do not allow people to ring me after 8 pm, I do not give men 2nd chances who choose me as 2nd best, and i do not want a man who has no car, no job, and all he can talk about is his ex.

    My thoughts have changed since i have watched lots of your videos and read your page, and get your super duper emails!

    Jog on i thought!

    So thank you for your videos, i have ordered your book, so looking forward to reading that in February. And soon as i can i want to go on the Women’s weekend!

    But no one sits me in the corner of the room ever again LOL!

    Soz, i feel so empowered right now all thanks to you Matthew! xx

  251. Anna says:

    Great positive video! Rejection is my friend, but it doesnt seem to get easier. Was seeing a guy then took a break because my studies got intense, then got with him again. As it turned out, he became exclusive in the middle and didnt tell me.. oh great

  252. natalia says:

    hi! your great Matthew! well, yes I’ve been rejected jajaj like everybody I guess. Once I was talking to this guy, and he just start pretending that he was going to read a book.. jajaja so yes… didn’t want to talk to me. And once I confessed that I was absolutely in love with a guy, and said it to him, and he just said that he didn’t felt the same. :( And the last time was with this guy, he lives in the states, and i live in Colombia… we had a love story… for almost 9 months… and he never said to me clearly why he didn’t want to try to be together… just disappeared. So that’s it. It’s good to share it, Thanks!

  253. Bernice says:

    Happy new year Matthew. :)
    Well there’s one time, I was pretty drunk and I got the guts to tell me crush that I liked him.he is pretty drunk though but all he replied is” I know,I know” and that’s it! That is so strange that I felt so awkward Everytime we met. He didn’t quite rejected me but he is now in love with another girl. So…yep that’s it, I’ve got over it already so that’s cool.
    But there’s another thing that I have in mind that I would like to ask. You mentioned that the value is sth that we can create. But when guys perceive the value we have, do they judge the apperance of the girl first, then go for the inner parts? So does that imply that when u got the look, you got the say?

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Bernice,

      Every man is different but men, in general, are going to be more attracted to a high value women than one who isn’t. Your looks might get you the first glance but you have to carry the rest.


  254. Mariana says:

    I have been watching fast track to mr right videos for a while and last month my best friend gave a bday party at a restaurant..so i decided to be pro active! When i was leaving the party this really cute guy ( gorgeous) was getting to the restaurant, not the party.. he waved at me, smiled and flirted, since I was leaving i gave him my number! During the week he called me, texted, told me i was beautiful, funny and he wanted to go out with me next saturday! Saturday was closer and i texted him to confirm..he never texted back! I took me a fee minutes to realize I had been rejected big time! his loss..hahahahah

  255. Tatiana says:

    Always great to be reminded about the value thing. Examples are always welcome.

  256. Tatiana says:

    Always great to be reminded about the value thing. Examples are always great.

  257. Christina says:

    Happy New Year! Congrats on your book and show coming out soon. Well, I finally found a guy I liked and clicked with. He goes to my college and we had class together. Anyway, I just spontaneously wrote down my number and handed it to him. He never called. Come to find out, I remember him saying something about having a girlfriend. Yup, rejected by him having a girlfriend, and me not listening well enough. :) It hurt a little, but I’ve learned from it.

  258. Sue says:

    A year and a half ago, my ex (we were together for 3 years, broke up and got back together three times) told me he will not marry me and that he was in love with another woman. I told him that I no longer wanted him to be part of my life and that he should not attempt to contact me anymore because I will not respond. After a month or two, he wrote and sent text and cards and kept this up for a year. Meanwhile, I had the time of my life doing my own things and enjoying life itself!! When one year of non-friendship was up, I realized I have purged him out from my system finally and was no longer in any sort of pain when his name was mentioned. So I decided to be friends again with him. When we started talking again, he told me he’s still in love with me and wants to marry me, blah blah blah. I said “sure, whatever”. And walked away, continuing to have a blast living my life!!!

  259. Shelby says:

    We Had Been Texting For a While. We Became Really Good Friends. I told him I missed him at the Lds Fhe activity that night. Just a summary he told me i was too young for him but we can still be friends and we are really good friends. Which is really hard… So Mine isnt the best but its an example of one that went pretty well.

  260. Mickey says:

    I was rejected about 3 months ago by who is now my best friend. He is an exchange student from Europe. When we meet, he was a hot ticket–all the girls were after him. We happened to live close by, so we began to hang out often. Imagine my delight when we finally kissed one night–and imagine my surprise when after only 2 weeks of him being here, our kiss was not his first. We decided to be FWB, but that kiss ended up being our last. Turns out hr didnt like that I had told a lot of my friends about it. I learned my lesson on that one. It hurt me to see him hunt out other girls for a long time, but I know he is here for a short time and just wants to go casual. He’s a great guy, bit of a player, but he still cooks for me and is my closest male friend. I regret nothing.

  261. Lilly says:

    I was seeing some one for 2 years. A year ago I broke up with him because I thought he was seeing someone. Well he has been witn that someone for a year. This summer we got back together for a couple of weeks and then he went back to this girl. So he has dumped me twice. Problem is I am madly in love with him. He still sends me flirty texts and I do too. (bad)I have seen other men this year but no one really great. I am trying but still dream about xboyfriend. Should I contiue to send flirty texts? Always afraid of rejection!

  262. Tara says:

    The last time I got rejected was last month, December 2012. I had met this guy online and we went out on 7 dates. We really hit it off and he talked a lot about the future together. He waited until the 7th date to kiss me; I mean we really took it slow; we did everything right. Then I got into a car accident, had to cancel 2 dates we had lined up. He offered to come see me the following day, but I said no because I was not feeling well due to the accident but I told him I would see him the following week. I stopped hearing from him over the next few days, and so I wrote him a long email asking him if he had time for me, because I was looking for a soul mate and I expected more from him in terms of communication. (He had not responded to an email I sent him and he hadnt called me back after I returned his call once.) The following week I get an email from him leaving me. He said that he couldn’t believe he was saying this but he could not give me what I wanted, and he was busy with his job and 2 young children. I was devastated and to this day I still don’t understand it. He was very attracted to me, he loved spending time with me. What I said back was that I was very confused and didn’t understand. I wanted to talk about it. At least talk with me over the phone about it. It was the biggest shock and I still don’t understand it.

  263. Kelly says:

    Hey Matt,

    I met a cool guy in London by chance, we had a great chatting then going for a drink. Things went well, but since then he rarely contacted to me, I didn’t hear from him for a month then only get text after couple weeks later. I was expressing my feelings for him by texts but he didn’t get any emotion and said I’d get too much attached and not healthy for u, really felt frustrated at that moment, still thinking of him all the time even 4 months now. I don’t know how to do? It seems he isn’t interested in me and not want a relationship with me, isn’t it?
    Best x

  264. Syssy says:

    The worst rejection I ever received was from a guy I had a crush on for 2 years. We lived in different cities and we hooked up once, when I was in his city, but nothing major happened after that. We didn’t get into a relationship. When we met a few months later at a concert I still had a huge crush on him. He was the sort of man I could have imagined more with. But he told me he had a girlfriend. The moment he said that it felt as if the world stopped turning for a second and someone pushed a knife into my heart. Even if this might sound a bit overdramatic, it actually physcially hurt. The only thing I could come up with was “Good for you.”. It took me a long time to get over it, but eventually I realized what I could have done better and that there isn’t just “the one” guy.

  265. Inna says:

    I was positively surprised by this video. It gave me a fresh perspective, and I appreciate it! I find it hard to remember any rejections, and I take it as a sign that I haven’t been putting myself out there and taking risks. Something I definitely want to change this year!

  266. REA says:

    I have breast cancer. He knew it from day one and accepted it and we were able to date with passion and mutual respect, even though he watched his dad die of cancer and had lost a lover suddenly to an accident. The loss was still very painful to him. On our second date he had given me a surprise gift, a great supplement called Green Vibrance and he had done research on a really cool website that he passed on to me. He called daily, often more than that. We saw each other every weekend for most of 7 weeks.Two days before Christmas, he took me to his favorite place for lunch and, after a warm, fun, flirty date (no signs of anything wrong), he asked me how I felt about becoming friends. He said he didn’t think he could handle the cancer as a BF. He even addressed the topic of post mastectomy sex. (REALLY?!) I accepted his decision then told him I didn’t know for sure whether I could be platonic. I asked a couple of questions like “Are you seeing someone else?” (emphatic “no”) and “Would you still be dating me if I didn’t have cancer?” (emphatic “yes”) He and I tried the friendship for about a week, during which time he always kissed me with the passion he had before, he called daily and even came to my family’s holiday celebration. After Christmas I called him and asked several careful, gentle questions to try to figure out what I wanted to do next, making it a point to keep the call short and as neutral as possible. I also made a point to honor myself, so I asked him what difference would it have made if he had held off “the talk” until AFTER the holidays? No answer. Why? Because he had only been thinking of himself. He has been single all of his life and is just stuck in that mind set. He was not TRYING to disrespect or hurt me, although he DID. I told him what I was looking for in a relationship (implying that I am committed to that and nothing less). He told me he wanted to be there for me but that he just didn’t want to hurt someone or be hurt…said something about finding himself, mixed feelings, staying in relationships too long… I had my answer, so I softly said “I’m strong, I can handle the cancer myself.I don’t need another friend. Goodbye.” No angry words or tone, just fact finding, then a self-honoring decision. I sorted through my feelings for a few more days (in my journal), then made the decision to close this door emotionally and move on. It’s OKAY that we were not a fit and it is FANTASTIC that I discovered that this man could fade away when the going got tough EARLY on instead of 6 months into a relationship. I don’t regret knowing him, because he showed me that I could date with cancer. HE just couldn’t make the entire journey.I miss him, but I will not settle for behavior that harms.

  267. Megan says:

    Hi Matthew! Well I met a guy at a party we hit it off and ended up going home together ( I don’t do this usually honest! But he seemed lovely and was fun and sweet) we had a good time, in the morning chatted and lay with one another but I needed him to leave cos I had guests anyway he took my number and for the next week we were texting and had planned to go to dinner. He cancelled 2 hours before because his hockey team needed him, he promised to make it up to me but never texted me again and deleted me on Facebook. Oh yeah he also told our mutual friends and I found out he told me he had broken u with his girlfriend a month ago, no it was the week we met. I know you’ll probably think rebound player and I gave away the cookie :p but it was his sweetness and guenuine seeming nature that made me give him the chance… Guess I was wrong I’ve certainly learnt my lesson, but thanks for the videos it gives me hope you always make me smile :)

  268. Tracey says:

    Firstly – I love your enthusiasm – it’s infectious – thankyou.

    I was rejected very recently by someone I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. I thought of him as my best friend, my soul mate, my lover, my everything. He was a father figure to the boys and we had the most amazing, wonderful family life for three years. He introduced me to the outdoor life (surfing, sailing, skiing) I had always craved and he gave me the confidence to step way beyond my comfort zone (i even managed my first red run with him behind me). For this and the love he showed the boys, I will always be grateful.

    He began to pull away around September time and just before Christmas, by phone, he told me that he loved and adored the children (3 boys) as his own but didn’t love me enough to spend the rest of his life with me. He felt there was someone who would be better for him.

    I was angry, really angry but, as always, ended up apologising and saying I understood! I didn’t beg, I didn’t plead, I just accepted in the end, more worried about his tears and emotion than mine!

    Outwardly I am strong and always have a positive word for people, but I am quite a gentle natured girl and inside this has floored me and rocked me to my core. I realise now, the mistakes I’ve made (not setting boundaries and not giving myself enough value – i always put him and everyone else first) but this is without a doubt the biggest, hardest rejection I’ve ever had.

    Ive cried more tears than i thought possible but I know it will get better and I will be me again – just a better, stronger version! Everything happens for a reason – just need to figure out the reason :)

  269. Natasa says:

    I got rejected about 3 weeks ago. Tried to ask out a guy I’ve liked for a while (I thought it was mutual). So during class I asked him if he could wait for a bit after class. After the class ended, I hinted to him that I wanted to go outside, he followed me with a very confused look on his face, but unfortunately, so did his friend.

    When we finally got outside, his friend kept talking to him and I was nervously waiting around for his friend to leave. After what seemed like an eternity, his friend left. Frustrated and relieved, I yelled out “Privacy! Finally!”. He was a bit scared at that point and he was smiling nervously. The conversation went like this:

    Me:”So, I’ve noticed you staring.”
    Him:”Have I been staring?”
    (Now I began to panic, because I probably misread his signals)
    Me:”Yes, a lot. So, I was wondering… Would you like to have coffee sometime? Drink it, you know, not spill it all over me.”
    (We had been to a restaurant with a group of friends the other week and he accidentally spilled coffee on me. Note: him and me are only acquaintances, not friends)
    Him:”Hmm, yeah. This isn’t going to work”
    Me:(Very nervously)”Oh ok. Well, could you at least stop staring then? Because now it’s just creepy.”
    Him:”Haha, ok”
    Me:(walking away)”Thanks for not making a big deal out of it”

    Then I jumped on my bike and went home. It was extremely awkward, but now I know and I don’t have to wonder.

  270. allan.blackie. says:

    I was rejected last year by the man I loved but he did not love me.He likes me but not for love.I am gay.Have I made a fool of myself.

  271. Rose says:

    Happy new year Matt!
    The last time i got rejected was in september last year, on my birthday. I was going out for a month with this guy. I really liked him and i thought he did too…buuut hahaha apparantly not. I felt he was kinda cold with me on that day so i asked him what’s wrong. He said to me- “i am not in love with you. This is not love. I like you for the person you are.” I was in shock. And i am still not really over it. It blew me away bacause i felt so used…Anyway i think this is one of the best lessons i got to have in my love life.

  272. Katja says:

    This is embarrassing to admit but here goes. I had this list of what I believed was the man I was attracted to. Then I met someone who had some core aspects of his profile that usually made me ignore similar men. Divorced parent and not tall. Shallow but true. Anyway, when I first saw him, for some reason, I threw my list out the window. Why? He was smart, streetwise, committed to his kid, and there was that “je ne sais quoi”. Our date was unplanned and I only went because I figured I’d get it over with. Looking back, I would have had a much better attitude because being lazy cost me. We had a nice conversation, and I was comfortable around him, but maybe he picked up on my lazy. Four days later I got a text in the early morning that read: “Sorry I never got back to you. Been busy. Listen, I have been seeing someone else and it is getting serious so I am going to pursue that. I hope we can be friends” My response: “I am very happy to hear you have found someone you really like and your search is over. That’s great. Sorry, I don’t do the friendship thing. Contact me again if it doesn’t work out but I guarantee I won’t be single by then.” I was being witty but I had no intention after that to re-engage but felt like it was best to sound like a good sport about it. Nevertheless, it stung, but I found Get the Guy shortly after that incident which was really helpful staying positive and getting back out there to meet new people.

  273. anonymous says:

    Hi, I’m a single woman from Norway. A few years ago I dated a man, but I was really not that interested in him… He irritated me, I didn’t find him any attractive and so on, but still I actually considered him as a serious boyfriend. But then, suddenly (luckily) HE dumped ME – there and then I was crushed!! I cried, and cried.

    He dumped me when we were out driving, and we had dinner- plans with some friends of him. I had to spend the whole day with him because we were in another town and we were going to travel with the same plane home. It was terrible! I was sad that love did’t come my way this time either – it was not because of HIM…. Well, Iv’e learned to follow my heart and don’t waste time at guys that I don’t even like… :)

    Ok, I’m not that good in writing enlglish. So I hope you understand my Norwegian-English. :) Looking forward to learn from you in 2013. :)

    • Katja says:

      Your English is great, I understand your story perfectly. Sounds like there was a good reason why you didn’t like him.

  274. Anca says:

    I was rejected today. I was in the church and my phone ringed. When I answered my boyfriend told me that he want us to be apart becouse we always point a finger to each other. I said I agreeand that he is right . First I felt bad but after that I realized that I answered the best I could, my dignity is on a good level. ( I hope).

  275. Jenny says:

    Hi, Matthew.

    I’m your big fan on Facebook. You give us a lot of good ideas on what man is thinking. Man and woman are totally different animals.

    Going back to my question, I want to know why married man kept cheating on me. yesterday, he gave me all of his passwords of facebook, linkedin and emails addresses. He wanted to expose everything to me, the only thing he asked for is to get me back. While, when i read those flirting conversations with so many women on facebook, I was totally shocked. He met another co-worker as well and said to her how much he loved her. I felt being cheated totally. after that, i called him. He said: he wanted me to help him. He regret what he has done before, he is a crap something like this. Can you help me? What kind of tricks has he been playing? I really need your help to understand what kind of person he is.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Jenny,

      I can’t tell you fur sure what kind of a person he is. What I can tell you is that it is up to you to create and enforce your value. If you know your worth these things will be less confusing.


    • Anita says:

      I took a chance in 2012 and was a little flirty with a guy I was attracted to, then faced a very public superficial rejection from him, but it was just that – superficial, so I didn’t care (after I got over the initial anger of the public aspect of the rejection). But regardless, I still showed I consider him as an awesome high value guy, no strings attached. Due to circumstances I still see him and now he’s (I can’t believe it) showing signs of interest! (I watched your video on the signs a guy is attracted to you – VERY helpful, I overlook those all the time). So it wasn’t a total complete failure, I may make a friend out of him yet!

      I like your advice on studying human nature and what makes people attractive and magnetic – I definitely think it’s behavioural. Looks are important, definitely step one, but the hook is when someone displays the values you’re attracted to, then they’re a potential ‘keeper’. If only all the other romantic stars would align… chemistry, single status and reciprocated love too… *sigh*

      If I keep getting rejected like this I may end up with a bunch of new awesome friends!
      I think my new resolution is take the dive and risk the deeper non-superficial type of rejection. Oh no, I may end up in a relationship ;) or I may not, but that’s fine. It’s definitely worth it….

      Thank you Matt! bring on rejection in 2013 :)

  276. silvia says:

    Thanks Matthew, your counsils are always so thoughtful and helpful!!
    About a year ago i told a guy i had a huge crush on for over a year that i had feelings for him. Our friendship wasn’t workin out for me so I had to tell him. He dismissed it as if it wasnt much of a deal, like it wasnt something to talk much about….and kept on treatin me like a friend.
    Now i am always chattin, talkin and seein him…and sometimes it’s not that easy knowing that he never considered me as a girlfriend….

  277. Nikki says:

    Happy new year Matthew! You are great I can tell you know what you are talking about! Know about me :-). I have been rejected many times but last year I finally meet this guy which is great, everything goes naturally with him, we talk about everything and we are good moving forward in our relashionship.:-)

  278. Karisa says:

    “People want to fall in love.” I think in normal environments, yes, but not where I live! I live in Bangkok, Thailand and I am an English teacher. Thai men are afraid of me and Western men are here for hookers, Thai girlfriends or hookups. It’s so difficult to find genuine people here! :(

    • Tatiana says:

      Don’t be silly Kasisa, I’m pretty sure you can make all of them fall in love with you. Then you just pick one. I’m betting on a western ;)

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Karisa,

      I hope that the next year proves to change your view!


      • Jira says:


        Me, on the opposite, I’m from Bangkok now living in London to study my Masters. And when I tell them where I’m from some guys would ask me if I’m a ladyboy or a hooker, that’s really racist and I felt I’ve been look down on :(

        • Mathu says:

          Hey Jira
          They only see things the way they want to see just bother them with explanation. Im only feeling sorry for the small world they’ve seen and unopened heart they’ve got.

  279. antje says:

    Worst rejection for me was when I was seeing a guy in one of those friends with benefits kinda things and I told him that I had feelings for him and wanted to see if he could imagine getting serious. All he said was ‘I told you not to fall in love with me’ and that was that. It was also a couple of days before I had to leave the country for a few months and being rejected + having to say goodbye to him for quite a long time made me burst into tears and I lay there for an hour, sobbing in his jumper while he was trying to comfort me. He just said ‘Don’t hold back, I need to wash that jumper anyway.’

  280. Reena says:

    Getting rejected is fine with me if I’ve taken a chance! Superficial rejection is especially ok — i ask a guy out and he says no. It’s when you fall in love and THEN get rejected that feels like someone’s tearing a layer of skin off your heart — and its the hardest to recover from!

    The superficial rejections in my life i’ve found no trouble recovering from. It’s the deeper ones that have been harder….

  281. Mary says:

    The one rejection that stands out is one where I went on a date with a guy that I had met on a website, we went dancing and got on great, he was attentive, danced a lot with me and gave me a hug when we parted. The next day he told my friend that he thought I had a great personality, shame about the weight!

    • Val says:

      You dodged a bullet there, as his reaction was really superficial and you are better not investing time and effort in someone who will not be around for the person you are.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Mary,

      Thanks for your bravery in sharing your story! All these comments show that we’ve all been there.


  282. Kelly says:

    I was rejected by a guy that I had been in a judo class with. He was on the football team and pretty amazing, but really shy around girls. Probably my first mistake. I invited him to hangout with some of the group from the class that I’d started making friends with, nothing fancy, just grilling out at my apartment. He told me he was talking to someone and that it was guys’ night anyway. I just said, “Thanks for being honest,” and let it go. There didn’t seem to be much else to say.

  283. Ling says:

    Hey Matthew

    Well I asked my brother’s friend, out. And he said he had never looked at me in that light. But see thats the thing he used to flirt with me, did I misunderstand a sibling-type relationship for something else? Oh and I’m not the exactly a girly-girl, do you think that could also be a reason why he didn’t see me as a potential mate?? (This happened in 2009, via text)

    It was fine after that, back to the playin around and stuff, until a colleague of mine took my phone and messaged him that he should marry me. When I found out I tried calling him but he would answer, for a long time. He didn’t talk to me or anything, when he came over to our house.

    And my brothers are still friends with him and I see him very often…

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Ling,

      Thanks for sharing your rejection story with us. 2013 is definitely the year to try with someone new!


  284. Katy says:

    I REALLY liked my senior prom date in high school and we were almost in a relationship exclusively. But the night before prom, he told me that he just wanted to be friends because he likes another girl more. Most awkward prom ever!

  285. Nom says:

    “THE” rejection that happened to me and ultimately shocked and wildly confused me was 3 years ago at an event. I had been talking (via facebook chat) to a guy with whom i had loads of mutual friends with, yet never met in real life. After a while, we decided to meet up at an upcoming event where tons of our mutual friends would be. Of course i got all hyped up and went to this shindig and was waiting for him to appear. After 15 minutes, he shows up at the entrance, he makes direct contact with me, smiles, waves, and walks off to his friends. This guy ignored me the whole night. I didnt let it get to me, so i continued on with my friends in making it a great night. But from time to time, i wonder what had gone wrong.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Nom,

      Thanks for sharing! Every comment shows everyone that we are not alone in having to face rejection.


  286. Annemarie says:

    When I was a teenager I was part of an all girls youth group, there was a meeting with the equivalent male youth group. Doing dancing and some other activity where you were paired with a boy, I fell hopelessly for him and felt a connection with him by talking with him on the topics we were given, the session ended and later on he did not even seem to notice me. I also found out he was the brother of one of the leaders of the girls group and I was not part of their group nor did I have the confidence to pursue him since he seemed preoccupied with other things.

  287. Alexandra says:

    My rejection was rather nice. There was no NO said in the discussion, but no YES either. He is a colleague that I have liked for almost 6 months. He told me on a number of occasions (prior to my telling him that I wasn’t indiferent to him) that he respected me as a person and as an achiever in my field. He told me respected the way I thought and that our country (I’m not british) can use more peope like myself. He admitted he treated me nicer than anyone else in our work place and that he connected more with me that with other people. He told me that he didn’t know with whom else he could work together and get things done like he did with me. He also told me was getting over a failure in his personal life and that once he figured out I had some feelings for him, he analysed our characters and decided not to act. Partly because we were different, and partly because he did not want any gossip or any subjectivity come up at our work place. Once I told him I couldn’t work with him as in the past, he asked me that I didn’t do anything radical, that I just be natural about the whole situation and let time take care of things.

  288. Wendy says:

    I couldnt watch the video despite having adobe flashplayer :-\ … Im currently in the worst place ive ever been.. Ive lost who i felt was “Tge one” four weeks ago when he told me he didnt want a relationship… Only to find out hes on dating sites saying he does! My hearts on pieces and i miss him so much.. I feel a part of me has died… Just dont know what to do :-( X

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Wendy,

      Take this new year as the time to move on and spend your time on focused on yourself and the great new year ahead of you.


  289. Joanne says:

    I was recently rejected. I met this guy and we were getting along really well. He was recently out of a relationship and so was I. Everything was great and then his ex called him about getting back together. I haven’t heard from him since.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Joanne,

      Thanks for sharing your story. Hearing from all of you makes it easier for anyone dealing with the sting of rejection.


  290. ally lopez says:

    Exactly a year ago, today.. Met a guy i really liked, let him pursue with the phone calls, the dates, had a blast. After a month of dating, I didnt hear from him again, except maybe on and off. I felt awful, I was fun, didnt even get intimate. My best guess is that he wasnt looking for a relationship but that would be justifying as I still feel harmed by that episode and Ive certainly been afraid of going back into dating mode… rejection sucks big time! Thank you for reading!

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Ally,

      It’s time to get out there again! Make this year the one that your fear of rejection doesn’t get the best of.


  291. Ashleigh says:

    My most recent rejection was with a guy a couple months ago, I had been dating pretty casually and he asked me to dinner, which I thought was to make our relationship official! I got dressed up, tight pants, great hair, and very high heels! During the dinner he proceeded to tell me he didn’t want to date me and thought it was better we didn’t see each other anymore. I told him that was ok, and I understood. I walked out the door, my head held high, hips swaying, hair flipping until I stepped off the curb wrong, twisted my ankle and face planted into the street, I looked up and the guy was standing right there. Salt in wound. But the good thing was it helped me to see the humor in the situation. By far the best and funniest rejection I’ve ever had!

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Ashleigh,

      That is a great story because in the long run the funniness of the situation will outweigh the rejection. Thanks for sharing!


  292. zahra says:

    WAW!! Mathew this is really amazing!TRUE KNOWLEDGE! you inspire me.i have something to tell you ,i do feel rejected emotionally i had a relation with a guy but it was just for fun nothing was serious ,no commitment bcause we both didn’t want it,but then i started to have feelings ,now im avoiding him we don’t talk i don’t think he wants to be in a relation with me.what im doing now actually is focusing on myself ,how do you think i can make him want to be in a relation with me? and thank you!!

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Zahra,

      The best way to move forward is to keep focusing on yourself and the things that make you happy. A woman with a full, complete life is the most attractive kind.


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