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5 Signs You’re Dating a Toxic Person

There are many dangerous qualities of a toxic person, but the worst one of all may be their deceptiveness.

They can be so subtle in their manipulation, you may not even realize what they’re doing to you, until you’re in too deep and they’ve completely eroded your confidence.

I’m not going to let that happen to you.

In today’s video, I take you through the 5 signs you’re dating a toxic person so you know exactly what to watch out for…

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329 Replies to “5 Signs You’re Dating a Toxic Person”

  • Hi Matt,
    Thank you for this video! You’ve just described my ex-husband perfectly.
    He did all these things, daily.
    I have wondered or well in fact thought it was me that caused our relationship to fail apart, and Im sure that’s had an effect on my relationships since we split up.
    But your video today has shown me that although I’m not entirely blameless, Im certainly not the sole reason for the break up as I’d previously thought, due to my ex’s toxicity.
    Thank you Matt really appreciate today’s video.

    Xx

  • Hi Matt, you are great as always! 3 months ago i finally realized that The Man i was dating was more than toxic. He entered into my mind And manipulated me until i became weak and had no confidence. I lost the Joy for Life, i used to travel,go to concerts and go out with my friends all the time But in subtle ways He criticized all that and i stopped doing those things. Finally i woke up. Now i am free….
    He still tries to come back but the door is definitely Closed. And most of all i now know that i deserve to be happy and to be loved by someone gorgeous.

  • Following on from what you said, I’ve also observed that there is only one direction any situation involving a toxic person can go in. It has a downward trajectory, it can only get worse. As your confidence is eroding, their skills in manipulation are getting better. Especially with a very bright person, they are learning all the buttons to press.
    Their insecurities are highlighted in the hoops they put you through. I used to be timed when I went out to the shops, ringing to find out where I was, why I wasn’t back yet. At the time, my confidence probably down even when I didn’t think it was, I would think, do you think I’m going to meet someone every time I go out, that’s riddulous! Now I’m free, I realise I could and I do. I’ve had two great conversations with complete strangers, a mobile phone no. passed over and lovely comments just this past week and do all the time.
    The wonderful thing is once you are out of the relationship, job whatever, life seems better than before and as long as you learn and know what to look out for you can steer clear in the future. That’s why this is again such a valuable video from you Matthew. I love how you switch the emphasis and mood of your videos giving us value every time. Take care and have a lovely week, Kathryn xx

  • Good stuff!! Yes agree with everything you said except when you said “we can heal ourselves.” If we could heal ourselves then we would have no problems. When we seek out inner healing, that’s when we are healed, when we are open and vulnerable and seek out inner healing from God and safe people.

  • this is very true. i was with a toxic person and it was a struggle each day.finally had to break it off.life seems better.

  • This fits my relationship a family Member , I would love to hear more on how to not let the toxic person have this control.
    You really help me ‘ Thank you, Kathy

  • A truly great post Matthew. Truly. I hope it frees ,lots of your followers trapped in toxic relationships which can never, ever get better because the other person’s toxicity is innate and unchangeable). For them I would recommend the book “But He Says He Loves Me” by Dina L. McMillan Ph.D. That will also help cut the ties that bind and damage.

    Thank you for your care Matthew.

  • Hi Matt,

    What if the toxic person is a parent of yours? As a child you can’t just leave this proximity, as you are dependent on them. And once you move out, you already have these belief systems about yourself that you are “the problem” or “it is your fault”. I find it quite hard to get these out of my system to be hones, although I’m aware of it.

    1. Hi I totally understand this problem if it is a parent. My mother is exactly like this to an almost horrifying degree. It destroyed my confidence as a child and led me into relationships with abusive men later in life. Five years ago I read an article about maternal narcissism and it said that in severe cases completely severing ties with the family member may be the only option. I haven’t seen or spoken to mother or sister for 5 years now and I can genuinely say it was the best decision I ever made. I am so happy with my life now being single, having loads of fun and just about to graduate university. I had to have therapy to stop doing things that attract these types and now I can see it a mile off and can protect myself from these emotional vultures. It’s an incredibly hard and harsh decision to make to cut off from your family but sometimes it’s the only way to change your life fir the better before you are out of time.

  • that was a great talk. No only was I thinking about other people, but it immediately made me consider myself. Do I do this? Am I so frightened of being vulnerable that I defend myself by attacking? I’ll have to think more. Thanks

  • Matthew, this is so true. I couldn’t imagine to fall for a person like this but you nailed every point. I thought I was over toxic relationships but then it occurred to me that I just keep on finding different kinds of toxic partners or flirts. The last straw was a few months ago when I met a very nice and handsome guy at the airport on my way from Spain to Italy and we started talking. The first month he was perfect and chased me all the time, even though we were in the distance. But suddendly, one day he came up with an argument I wasn’t even understanding very well (in the meantime, though, he was talking how he was hating himself for telling me all those things but when certain topics or comments came up he was inflexible, which was like a red allarm in my head… but I decided not to pay attention). From then on I didn’t feel like myself around him but I was already hooked on him and I didn’t want to let him go, who knows, maybe he was just overreacting. He wasn’t. We had some other arguments where he always said he was like that and that he never thought I could bring some stupid arguments because he considered me an intelligent person (I understand now that he was making me feel special and unspecial at the same time), to the point that I went to Italy to visit him when I wasn’t even sure I liked him anymore. But there, I realised everything was much worse and that he didn’t even stand normal contact with others. I felt so sad and I left his house in one day and a half (I don’t know how didn’t I left in the first 24 hours)… that’s my sad story. It was the craziest relationship I’ve ever had (and I know quite a bit about relationships) and I can assure you that I have no problems in other relationships as such, but this let me know that even the strongest one can fall for someone who is manipulative enough to get you out of your comfort zone and get you into his.

    I really really hope that you read this,

    With Love,

    Mercedes

  • Very, very well done! I have experienced this kind of person in friendships and only one in dating. The dating thing opened my eyes to the fact that these people exist. That person was a psychopath. I’m not talking about when you say, “Oh, he was crazy” ; But, an honest to God, card carrying, DSM diagnostic code psychopath. The traits you described were there, but the difference in the true psychopath is they are really, really good at it. Lifetime of practice. My point? Can’t ever fix it and they love all that.. love to hurt. So, even the slightest whiff of anything like this and I run like hell. I don’t want to find out that they are psychos or just having an insecure day. My advice to anyone would be the same.

  • I have been with a guy for over a year who has been deceptive on a few occasions but when confronted rationally he has got aggressive, defensive and blamed it all on me. I feel unsupported when I do anything positive but if I have bad news he seems to enjoy it. I’ve just found out something else and when I’ve asked him about it I’m a lunatic. So I’ve ended it. Thanks for putting this video out there I feel stronger having watched it xx

  • 5 signs really has been good to watch, I have forwarded the link to a close friend that I think need help in this area

  • Hi Matt, have just watched your ‘Toxic Guy’ video – outstanding!! For 25 years I was in a relationship with one such guy. All the time I supported him in his work, his achievements, life was fine (for him). I was diagnosed with MS early in the relationship and when my health was good our relationship was ok. The moment I started to suffer relapses in my condition he would blame my working hours, my job and everything except finding a way through the bad spells. He disabled me further rather than helping enable me. During one of the las relapses I had he took up badminton meaning he was out five nights a week, leaving me at home dealing with my limited life as best I could. It was one such night whilst he was out playing badminton that ‘the worm turned’. I realised this wasn’t my ‘fault’. When I broached him about our relationship he became apologetic. He didn’t know how to deal with my condition etc. Because I was becoming stronger he was becoming weaker. I kicked him out almost 3 years ago. I was able to retire from work on medical grounds and I got control of my life back. I definitely won’t be replacing one toxic guy with another, because in the three years he’s been out of my life I haven’t relapsed once. So in my case toxicity leads to bad health and my health and quality of life is important to me. Thanks Matt for such an empowering programme. xxx

  • Get out of this situation, it destroys your life eg self esteem, confidence, and makes you feel worthless. So true !!!!

  • I had an awful argument with a friend last week. This video made me reconsider trying to make things up, now I’m not so sure her presence was really healthy. From a person used to making sacrifices in order to make things right with toxic people and always failling miserably and becoming the “antagonist” I have to thank you, Matthew. I actually feel relieved now.

  • Hiya Matt
    Thanks for the video. I was with someone who was always the best boyfriend when I was upset.
    I was going out with the girls and it had been planned for a few weeks and seemed fine about it. I’d already chosen my outfit and had my hair done and was meeting at 7. At 5pm, I was excited and already ready to go. I said to him “sure I look amazing?” He replied “how come you didn’t buy the other dress?” I’m not a confident person and he knew it. I didn’t go out and told my friends I felt ill. He went on and on about “oh I didn’t mean anything by it I just wondered that’s all”. My sister had heard and was so angry but no matter what anyone said (even you!) there was no way I was going out. Suppose he won. His loss now though!
    It’ll never happen again. Hope all you ladies don’t let that happen to you.
    P.S I look hot in that dress!
    Thanks Matt, you’re helping so many people.
    Hannah

  • Dear Matthew,

    Your advice is, as always, spot on. The thing is, even when someone is toxic, it’s still hard to let go. There are many reasons why we may hang on to people, even though they are no good for us. Some of those reasons could be:

    Fear of loneliness
    Fear of not being able to find someone else to date
    Believing that we’re not good enough for someone else, that we’re lucky that the toxic person puts up with us !
    Worrying what other people may think, especially if the toxic person is a family member
    Fear that the toxic person may physically attack i.e. in a domestic violence situation

    How do we deal with these reasons ?

    I myself (without wanting to seem cold and heartless) find it very easy to let go of people who are toxic…..I trust my instincts and my feelings as they have always been right, but I’m also aware that some people find it incredibly difficult to let go, so how can they make it easier ?

    I’m sure you will be able to give some great and comforting advice here :O)

    Love Angela x

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