Are You Taking Enough Small Risks?

This is the twelfth piece to be published on the Get The Guy blog from my brother Stephen. Steve helped co-write the Get The Guy book and is a wealth of knowledge on dating and relationships.

Today’s article covers the missing piece a lot of women need to begin taking action (and risks) in their love lives. We hope this leads to a shift in mindset. Enjoy!

Enter Stephen

You’ve read a lot of advice.

You’ve read techniques for meeting more guys, improving your relationships, getting the right mindset and you’ve delved into the psychology of attraction.

Knowledge is everywhere and freely available. A lack of knowledge is not what holds us back from the love life we want.

What holds us back is a simple truth: Doing stuff for our love lives can suck a lot of the time.

Doing work on our love lives can feel difficult, silly, distracting (from other urgent goals), unnecessary, frustrating, futile and often unfair. This makes it extremely hard to motivate ourselves to take action just for our love lives.

This has always puzzled me. If you took a survey, nearly everyone would agree that the quality of their life would be immeasurably improved if they felt completely happy in love. So why wouldn’t we be motivated to take actions that would dramatically increase the odds of its attainment?

I was recently reading the book Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman, and one of the chapters helped me figure out a plausible answer.

In one chapter Kahneman covers the idea of LOSS AVERSION.

Loss Aversion says that human beings are much more motivated to run away from losses than they are to pursue potentially large gains.

For example, a momentary spell of social anxiety is likely to prevent us from speaking to an attractive stranger at a party, even if the potential gain from taking that single action is enormous. It’s the same with a potential career gain that could offer enormous fulfillment, but we shy away from the opportunity because we risk getting rejected in an interview.

It’s terrifying how much Loss Aversion can affect our results in our career, our business, our love life, basically any aspect of our life that involves even the slightest element of risk.

Worth a gamble for love?

Kahneman gives a simple example to illustrate the power of Loss Aversion: Suppose you are offered a gamble on the toss of a coin: If it comes up heads, you win $200, if it’s tails, you lose $100.

Most people are so averse to loss that they wouldn’t take the single bet.

That part seems fairly rational though. No-one wants to risk losing $100 on a single coin toss.

But here’s the problem with applying this same logic to our love lives: loss aversion only makes sense if we have one opportunity. But it makes no sense if we have dozens of opportunities!

Most of us find it hard to take small individual gambles in our love life. For example, we don’t want to go on that date or flirt with that guy, or even to ask that guy how his night is going, because even though we would gain hugely if it came out positive, we also subject ourselves to a sting of disappointment and minor social embarrassment.

Thus, we are loss averse in love.

But this is because we put so much pressure on one opportunity, we don’t only have one person to speak to, one job to apply for, or one person to date who could potentially disappoint us. We have dozens if not hundreds of opportunities.

What Kahneman proves in his book is that the more opportunities (or coin tosses) we have, the more ridiculous and irrational it is to be LOSS AVERSE, because the losses become smaller and smaller, and the potential gain becomes bigger.

For example, let’s return to our coin toss scenario. Suppose you are offered not one coin toss, but TEN.

That’s TEN coin tosses in which, each time, you can either win $200 or lose $100.

On average mathematically, this makes it extremely unlikely we would lose any money, and the potential gains are enormous.

And yet, the sad part is, people will still remain loss averse, because they only consider each individual opportunity, instead of thinking of them as an aggregate of opportunities.

Traders in large financial firms are often taught how to combat loss aversion through a technique call broad framing. This requires us to stop focusing on the results of every individual transaction, and instead look at our rate of success as a running total over time.

You don’t need every individual transaction (or in our case, social interaction) to be a massive gain. Because one big win (i.e. meeting one amazing person, making one big transaction) will immediately outweigh all of the little hiccups experienced on the way.

And this is how we need to always approach gambles in life. Each individual gamble doesn’t matter. As long as we stand to gain more than we lose, and the losses won’t cause us to go bankrupt, we should always be willing to take the smaller risk.

Incidentally, in our love lives this makes even more sense, since in the modern world we have a nearly infinite number of people to meet, date, interact and converse with, and the losses from one interaction going badly are tiny.

With this in mind. Here are three questions to ask yourself if you feel you need more of a risk-taking mindset:

1. What small risks are you currently not taking?

 

It might be trying to express yourself more honestly, perhaps saying a more flirty line to a guy instead of just hanging back in “friendly conversation” mode. Maybe it’s touching more in conversation. Maybe it’s starting more conversations. Maybe it’s risking being vulnerable and telling a guy how you feel and connecting with people.

Make a list of three and keep it simple. Then resolve to take more risks in that area.

2. How much of your energy and time are spent avoiding losses vs. pursuing large gains?

 

Most large gains in life will always require us to face setbacks, potential rejections, and a good dose of negative feedback.

But if we are able to accept this and face them head on, we stand to win enormously. It’s not true that you have to risk big to win big, you just have to be willing to take small risks more frequently.

3. Can you think of something you enjoy in your life now that you owe to taking a small risk?

 

This question will help prove to yourself the value of taking small risks.

Perhaps you once made a decision to put yourself forward at a networking event and ask someone for a job. Maybe you approached a person your admire and they responded warmly to you. Maybe you spoke to a guy at a bus stop, or tried to push a business negotiation one step further than you thought you could. Maybe you said yes to taking a trip and ended up finding the place you want to live.

Start looking for them, and you’ll see the opportunity for taking small risks everywhere.

Where do you need to take more small chances? Let me know in the comments below.

P.S. For all economists and behavioural psychologists reading…regarding any mistakes I’ve made in the theory or examples presented in this article, I implore you, show mercy.

***

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Photo credit: Marcell Dietl

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40 Responses to Are You Taking Enough Small Risks?

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  1. Aleece White says:

    Get the guy speaks very highly of Value, and in Matthew’s video the “5 things we can learn from FROZEN” he says something to the effect that women need to give more acknowledgement to the men who value them, not just the ones they find to be an automatic prince, but what happens when a girl has many options and one of them she Value’s so much because of his kindness and keenness towards her everyday needs as well as her emotional state and he just plain adores her…but she’s just not physically attracted to him but if she could make herself be she would.

    I am that girl! I have told this guy that he is such a wonderful man, with such a giving heart and that I am just unable to return the same affection with the same vigor as he, and why has he chosen me.

    I got physically ill knowing that my words hurt him because he deserves so much more, but to my shock, he just stays by my side even as a friend, but I know he wishes I felt something towards him.

    Rejection and being rejected is painful but it does make your stronger as long as you don’t let it make you bitter!

    Steven is it possible to make yourself become physically attracted to someone your just not attracted to?

    Thanks!

  2. Ilona says:

    People, in general, crave two things: they want to be happy and they want to be free from pain. Everything is based around it. The truth is, rejection and pain are everywhere: people die, brake up, lose jobs, there is poverty and there are wars – pain is an inevitable part of our human existence. And we have to be strong enough to accept it and make it a part of our lives and still seek happiness.
    Stephen, thanks for the article. Since I have started reading them and watching your brother’s videos, my life has improved immensely:) You, guys, are great!

  3. Anna says:

    Hey – in the core this is a very motivating approach :)) this is actually an issue I have been pondering on for some time and I needed this type of encouragement :))))
    Howeve, I feel the need to challange the author a little bit ;) – it is hard to agree on the fact that increased number of tosses will increase the chance of success – then people would be winning in slot mashines on a massive scale and casinos would go bankrupt. So the chance for each toss is still 50-50. Secondly the imperfect human world makes the coins different – so not every toss has the same value for us as some of the people we can care for more, some of the jobs may be more suitable etc. Nevertheless, it is still worth trying and minizing the risk by taking small steps – making small gestures of love and prepare for some great leap forward later on. So good luck everyone :)

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      I agree with what you’re saying Anna, but as I said in the article, when the losses are small (or nearly negligible) i.e. you speak to a guy and get a sort-of subdued response, it makes sense to take the risk. Especially because in dating, as you say, our odds can be very different depending on the circumstances. Therefore, we should take the chances when we stand to gain a lot and lose little. Also, the more we take chances, often the better we get at maximising our odds of success, because unlike slot machines, we can improve and increase our chances.

      Thanks for the thoughtful response, and your kind words. Stephen x

  4. Lorna says:

    Haha I loved the last line! I’m actually studying social psychology at the moment but I’ll try not to give you any grief ;)
    Some of the risks that I do take have been talking to guys I see that I am attracted to but I have found on several occasions that I end up not saying anything.
    I need to take small chances by talking to more guys I am attracted to straight away. For example, today I was buying some lunch and saw a guy I wanted to talk to and had seen around a couple places before but I didn’t end up saying anything to him. This has happened to me on several occasions. I end up feeling shy and introverted and don’t know what to say. I end up feeling really regretful afterwards, and I keep trying different things to shake this habit, and although there are times that I am taking action and speaking to people, there have still been times when I haven’t.
    Any thoughts or advice Stephen?

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      Set rules for yourself, as I said to someone else who commented. i.e. you need an automatic rule like “If the same guy serves me coffee more than once, I *have* to ask him how his day is going”. Or set yourself a small challenge, like getting his name. This way your brain will just go into autopilot mode when you see an opportunity and you’ll just do it without thinking, because you know you have to stick with your rule. Rules like this are helpful because they shut off the part of your brain that over-analyses the situation. Also, spend no time at all considering the decision – just decide to speak to him and do it immediately so that you still feel spontaneous and in the moment.

      All the best, Steve x

  5. Clarise says:

    And how do you know you’re taking small risks and not behaving like an idiot?
    I met a guy, and it seemed to flow well, we had chemistry, we laughed together a lot, we had a good time. We didn’t ask each other for phone numbers, I think I was pretty sure I would hear from him sooner or later.
    Next day, I found a message from my friend. She, in turn, had received a message from a friend of this guy, who in turn had received a message from the guy telling him to give me the phone number. OK, that is fine. I texted him, and I got no answer back. I thought he was not interested anymore in spite of the huge contradiction.
    I tried to take a small risk, I sent him a picture through instagram about a thing we had talked that night. No asnwer.
    Ridiculously, I added him to facebook.
    I wasn’t feeling confident about he adding me, but he finally did. After a few days, I sent him a private message. And guess what? NO ANSWER.
    So my idea of getting risks is doing something I’m not likely to do, like pursuing a guy. And this makes me mad. He showed interest for me by giving me his phone number and he didn’t even say hi.

    What risks are we talking about? I don’t work with boys, I just don’t get them.

    Thank you, Steve, for everything.

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      You can’t always tell what’s going on in someone’s life, so it’s important never to over-analyse these things. If you send a guy a message as you did – the best course of action is just to forget it and let him get back to you in his own time. If he doesn’t, that’s fine, he made his choice. Always give little steps of investment and then see what his response is.

      As for the taking risks part – it might be starting a conversation, taking a risk in being more flirtatious than usual (i.e. trying on a new personality trait), it might just be making comfortable eye contact with a guy on a dance floor, or smiling at a guy and walking over to him at a friend’s party. These action seem tiny, they don’t cost us anything, and they can have untold enormous gains. This is how people who meet people everywhere do it – with tiny risks throughout their week that put them on other people’s radar.

      Thanks Clarise,

      Steve x

  6. Susanne says:

    “Very truly I tell you, the son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does.”

    (John 5:19)

    I believe everything Jesus Christ did was heart-touching and life-saving :)
    For the sake of true LOVE ♥&♥ PEACE he did everything wonderful to truly loooooooooooooooooooooooove us & bring us peace in the best way :)♥

    How incredibly wise of lovely Hosana in heaven to send his beloved beautiful lovely Son to us :)
    He has come and saved us in the most looooooooooooooooving way :) ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

    How many times did Jesus Christ approach human beings?
    How many times did he receive LOVE?
    How many times did he receive rejection?
    I believe God knows.

    What I know is: He truly looooooooooooooooooooooves us :)
    No matter how big the rejection of the world is, he is always here because God truly looooooooooooooooooooooooooves us :)

    May God bless us that we can be in heart-touching moments and may the thought of rejection not have any effect on us :)

    Victory to God :)

    If we open our hearts we will win : true LOVE and LIFE and lots and lots and lots of heart-touching moments :) ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

    So I totally agree to what you said :)
    For the sake of true LOVE and PEACE it is worth it :)

    Who cares about rejection if true LOVE and PEACE is the answer :)

    Thank you so so so so so so much for bringing up this amazing topic wonderful Matthew and Stephen Hussey :)

    I truly enjoyed it :) May God bless everybody to find all the best ways to find all the best in life :)

    Have an amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing day :) and enjoy your brotherhood :)♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

    ⁀ ‿ ⁀

    “My father works unceasingly and so do I.” (John 5:17)

    • Susanne says:

      May I answer your lovely question:

      I looooooooooooooooove Jesus and I wanna loooooooooooooove him more and more and more …
      No matter what happens on this planet :)

      & If I meet Mr. Right I will say something I looooooooooooooove with all my heart and God knows I do it all for the sake of true LOVE and PEACE :)

      By the way, yesterday when I watched the 1st of april video I thought I’d post some math too :) After all math is logic that always works :) What a coincidence today you beautify your blog with math :) Loooooooooooooooooooove it :)

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      Thanks so much Susanne, keep taking chances! Stephen x

  7. Randa says:

    I’m still waiting for the economists and behavioural psychologists to comment on this so I can take the pop corn out!! hahaha :p

    Bad jokes apart, do ladies (and gentlemen) actually complicate themselves this much!?!? I honestly feel like an alien right now… I mean isn’t it easier to just think that in the approaching phase there is NOTHING to lose?

    Quick example based on my regular day to day life: I’m at a bar/pub/café/park whatever, I see a guy I find attractive, I approach him and blabber some words. There really only exist two possibile results here.
    Either:
    1) he’s receptive and we start a conversation (which can then either lead, or not to something deeper)
    OR
    2) he rejects me and, because I supposedly have a LIFE, well I continue on with it just as I was BEFORE approaching him.

    Do I actually LOSE anything? well… aside from 30seconds the answer is a big N O.

    Conclusion: THERE IS NOTHING TO LOSE (at least not during the approaching phase) caramba!!
    The “problem”, of course, occurs regarding HOW someone deals with rejection and how much he/she’s willing on letting THAT affect him/her. ¡Y ya está!

    P.S. Flip the coin: http://www.random.org/coins/?num=1&cur=60-eur.spain-1euro
    Heads you send me a copy of Get the Guy
    Tails you send me a copy of Get the guy, but I pay shipping. Your call, do you take the risk? :P

    Keeeeep rrrrrrrocking!
    Besos,
    Randa

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      I see through your little coin trick Randa!

      You are totally right of course, and the trick is to not let whatever feedback you get emotionally affect you. You can just be confident that you took a risk and feel good for taking action, rather than get caught up in the consequences of every single interaction. This is why we need to talk to people everywhere, so that we don’t take every opportunity so seriously!

      Besos to you too :)
      Steve x

  8. Susanne says:

    ★♥ ♥ ♥ Dear wonderful charming Hussey brothers ♥ ♥ ♥ ★

    ⁀ ‿ ⁀

    With all my heart I thank you for everything heart-touching :)

    May true LOVE flow in our hearts forever :)

    ⁀ ‿ ⁀

    I looooooooooooooooooooove “Are you taking enough risks” :)
    I believe you wrote it with so so so so so much LOVE :)
    If you wrote it with your heart, it’s ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ :)

    I’m truly touched ♥&♥ deeply moved :)

    ⁀ ‿ ⁀

    I agreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :)
    If everything we do is heart-touching we are truly free :)
    ♥&♥
    I believe God knows all the best endless heart-touching possiblities :)

    No matter how big the risk is…
    For the sake of true LOVE ♥&♥ PEACE let us do what is heart-touching :)

    May God bless us that we open our hearts for everything heart-touching forever :)

    ♥&♥ LET US LOVE & LIVE FOREVER :)

    In Love in true LOVE ♥&♥ PEACE :)

    Susanne

    • Susanne says:

      In the name of true LOVE ♥&♥ PEACE I thank you for touching hearts & saving lives here :)
      May God bless you that you ♥&♥ your brother can continue writing together in the best way :)♥&♥ looking forward to the next amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing episodes :)

      ♥&♥ hope to see you both one day: so incredibly live :)

  9. Olivia says:

    Great theme. It was in my mindset for some days, maybe weeks and I`m so glad u got in to it. I`m so aware that I need to take risks, but you`re right I should not over pressure myself. Small change in one time.
    I love the point, where you say you need to appreciate all your small changes and not just this big goals we have. I didn’t realize I did some changes today on my one. I showed my vulnerability, they opened up really sweet to me as well and I pushed some times over my boundaries today. I was kind of forced in the situation, but I did it and I think if I see it in this way I can grow for it. Before I made myself down for the other thing I didn’t dare to do. But I overcame this one too. Great a big thanks to you. It’s really wonderful to have you.
    Olivia

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      That’s lovely to hear Olivia – thanks for commenting! Nearly all big results come from these tiny changes, so it’s important to remember that just because the actions are small does not mean that they don’t matter. All the growth is in these small decisions we make everyday. Glad to hear you’re going for it.

      Stephen x

  10. Mandy says:

    Hi stephen!

    Great article..! Right now I’m finding that this article has helped me! I will now definitely take those small risks of getting to know more people and doubling my chances. After that though I find that guys don’t want to commit, don’t want to really go any further, we have great conversations, but these guys don’t want to date? Reasoning for that? Anything I can do to up my chances of actually getting the guy to commit instead of just being friends? Thanks.

  11. Noémie says:

    Thank you Stephen for this article! Really needed to read something about taking risks.
    I understand and I agree with everything you wrote. But(of course there is a “but”) it’s difficult to apply it for real.
    I graduated from a French Business School in october and I am currently seeking for a job. I had many opportunities (about 20 now)
    A week ago I had an interview for this amazing marketing job in Dublin (2 year contract,well-paid…a dream job for a 24 year-old graduate). Marketing and HR managers told me they will get back to me today. (they had to meet 6 candidates) No calls. No emails. Maybe they haven’t met everyone yet.
    I even talked to them about the motto “don’t wait,CREATE” but honestly everytime I call a firm to follow up,I get a bad news. I am so tired!!!!! You have no idea. I have 2 other interviews this week but the job in Ireland is everything I’ve been waiting for this past months of applications,stress,interviews,waiting for a feedback and rejections.
    I have to call them or send them an email tomorrow,right? This is the SMALL RISK I have to take,right? What could I say not to seem needy,desperate but still skilled, charming, knowlegeable and simply fit for this position?
    I know I put too much pressure on this opportunity and I should do “broad framing” as I have 2 other plates spinning on my way to the BIG WIN.
    Please help! Thank in advance.
    BTW:I feel like reading this Kahneman’s book now…

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      Kahneman’s book is great, you will love it. As far as mindset for interviews goes, it’s always good to think about how you can bring value to others and be an asset to the people hiring you, instead of focusing on how much YOU need from them i.e. ask yourself: what do they need to hear to know that I will bring value this company? This is a general mindset issue but I’ve always found it very helpful to think of things from the employers side and work from there. Once you’ve taken the small risk, it’s crucial to move on, learn the lessons and start preparing for the next one. Many people blow new opportunities because they obsess over old ones. Let them go quickly and work toward the next one.

      Thanks Noémie,

      Stephen x

  12. Irene says:

    This article is challenging.
    The Question is intention and individual loss. Not sure but loss aversion only aplies in situations when you actually have a loss and therefore are willing to risk or stay in “comfy-mode”/loss. Also depends on our mind-set to loss, though and how to deal with loss in every condition of life. Taking small risks frequently is definitly a great advice, thank you!
    Wonderful article!

  13. Kathryn says:

    Ha ah, I like your caveat! I am currently reading that book too. I have had such a lovely week enjoying some great connections. Is was so easy and natural as they were in completely natural settings where I was just being myself with no pressure. Just taking a small risk to be more friendly and approachable. I no longer feel so limited in my options and that by taking small risks there could be a lovely reward. Not know but that doesn’t matter. For the past few months I have been pinning all my hopes on one person. It hasn’t been going well, we clearly have no connection, nothing in common. I’m wondering why I’ve been putting all my energies there. It’s the risk of feeling failure, but it’s no failure at all.
    Great article again Stephen x

  14. Nina says:

    I need help.
    There is this guy at work I really like. We used to share a cubicle and it felt like he really liked me. He was very playful and flirty, showing off and after a while we had some great conversations. I really felt a connection with him. Then he got promoted and was moved to another building. I waited a while to see if he would contact me but he didn’t.
    So I contacted him by email and he seemed happy to hear from me but said he is very busy.
    We’ve been exchanging emails but he never initiates contact.
    What should I do? Should I just leave him alone?
    I’m not interested in any other guys because I want him.
    On the other hand I feel like I’m chasing him and if he was really interested he would do something.

    • Rivka says:

      Does he actually know you want him? He might not realize that, might think your emails are just a friendly gesture. He might himself be too scared of rejection to take initiative. Make it more clear and explicit to him that you will like it if he takes initiative.

      • Nina says:

        Thanks so much for answering Rivka! I didn’t think of that he might not get that I’m interested in that way.

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      Don’t give too much emotion to someone who isn’t investing anything back. It will cause you a lot of pain for no reason. If he’s seen you’ve been in contact and doesn’t make an effort to initiate back, it should tell you that, although he may like you, for whatever reason he isn’t keen to try and pursue things. This doesn’t mean nothing could ever happen, it could mean many things: i.e. he is dating other people, he is busy, he is prioritising other things like work and friends, or he doesn’t want things to carry on between you OR he just doesn’t know you are interested because you have only spoken to him as a friend and never flirted at all (this last one is a different issue and requires you to change your conversation style). The point is, you can’t take it too personally because you just don’t know. All you can judge a guy on is his actions. Be friends with him if you think you would be able to without having strong feelings. If not, then withdraw and meet other people – otherwise you’ll torture yourself trying to win him over for a long time which is only going to waste you time.

      Why not take a risk on meeting/dating someone new anyway? It will help you put less pressure on this one guy who isn’t reciprocating.

      All the best Nina.

      Stephen x

      • Nina says:

        Thanks Stephen.
        From what he says it seems like he is busy and is prioritising work (and sports training).
        Although I am seeing other people, do you have an idea how I can “keep my foot in the door” without seeming desperate?
        Is it creepy to send an email every few weeks?

  15. Paige says:

    I know I have to take risks more since just getting out there is my main problem, but hearing the logic behind it somehow really helps. The whole pep talk works, but the way that you just explained it, by saying why in detail, is perfect. Off to have conversations. Thank-you Stephen

  16. amoun meena says:

    hey stephen ,
    this is really good piece of work :D and right to the point (which made me little unconformable cause i know i am missing out on lots of things and need to make a change ) . hope you might consider writing about how to over come anxiety when talking to people that i like or potentially might like. i was working in marketing department while studying in uni for four years (which allowed me to talk to tens of people each month) but yet when i am around people i like , somehow all what i have learned fly off the window :/ and all the sudden i am weird around them so i end up not making move at all -_- or even send a positive vibe that i am approachable :D …
    anyways , thanks and keep up the great work
    regards from Malaysia :)

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      I’ll add that topic to the list, thanks!

      Anxiety is often relative to the situation. That’s why some people are incredible at networking at business events but terrible at loosening up and being playful/fun/flirty at a social event like a party. This is a great argument for encouraging us to expose ourselves to settings that give us a bit of discomfort, so that we get used to facing low-levels of anxiety and pushing through them. I often tell people to set themselves one rule for each social event: i.e. I have to speak to three people before I go and order a drink, or I have to ask for someone’s phone number before I’m allowed to leave.

      These rules help your override the constant chatter in your brain and force you to just take action and forget focusing on the outcome.

      Hope that helps x

      • amoun meena says:

        yes , it helped alot ….i just read the other article of yours which talks about the lies we tell ourselves . i always told my self i am confident independent woman and guys don’t like that, but the truth is i am not fun/palyful or flirty in social events and have the marketing mentality whereby if i don’t see the possibility of things works out then i wouldn’t even invest few minute to talk to them. and those i like , i am nerves around them …
        thanks alot , now i will add it to the things i need to improve this year

  17. Renee says:

    Hi Stephen,

    when I am bored I know I am in a comfort zone. So I have a new april resolution. I will go out every Saturday and start talking with people as I used to. things like this gives you a feeling you are alive.

    keep on doing the good job

    best regards from Slovenia

    Renee

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      Great resolution Renee! And an upcoming article is going to cover exactly how you can make it easier to stick to that resolution, so look out for it. And yes, totally agree – small risks make you feel alive everyday, which is why I love taking them.

      Thanks for commenting,

      Stephen x

  18. Shae says:

    Hi Stephen,

    I do hope behavioral psychologists and economists are merciful. You are, after all, providing a positive service to so many people! Be wary of the thesis writers though. I jest!

    I agree that taking risks can yield extremely positive outcomes. Simple steps in pushing ourselves just a bit can place us in situations we never would have believed possible. The difficulty is traversing the dating world when one’s heart is at risk. People will see that their relationships have failed x-number of times, and it starts to take on a cumulative effect. So while there are more chances and a large body of opportunities, I think many women get to the point where they feel like they’ve been through a war that’s comprised of more lost battles then they’d like to count.

    At any rate, I greatly admire those that can keep their hope alive by placing every molecule of faith into not letting it wither.

    Thank you for the thought provoking and well-mapped article =)

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      Haha. As a thesis writer myself I can relate!

      Good point Shae, though this is why I would say actually we should take lots of risks about who we meet and in early stages, but choosing a relationship itself is where we should get picky and consider our decisions carefully, since this is a large investment of time and energy. So it’s about taking risks on the right things.

      Thanks for the kind words :)

      Stephen x

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