How Can I Like Myself More Than I Did Yesterday?

Yesterday I put something up on Facebook to get some questions in for what you want me to write about. If you don’t already, be sure to like my page so that you have the chance to respond to this kind of thing when I post it.

The question that I’m going to answer this week is from Christina:

“How about how to work past negative views of your PAST self (be it weight, poor decisions, a “past”…) and see yourself as you are TODAY?”

(‘I think I’ll start a new life’ – Photo Credit: Noukka Signe)

Here’s what I have to say on the matter:

“We all make mistakes”

“Nobody’s perfect”

“Every failure is a chance to learn”.

We’re constantly fed these cliches whenever we fall down, usually by friends and family as a way of comforting us and helping us move forward from past failures.

But where is the line?

At what point should we stop forgiving ourselves for past failures? Many of us have done bad things; to ourselves, and to others. Things we still feel guilty for today. To a great extent, the things we have done in the past are responsible for us seeing ourselves as ‘low-value’ today.

Some people don’t like themselves because of what they were given from day one: their looks, their intelligence, their body shape. But for many people it comes from having felt like they let themselves down in the past.

I’m familiar with the feeling of having a self-negative view. My own often comes from the feeling of not having achieved enough in a day. I start to feel angry at myself for under-performing. But people can have a low self image for any number of reasons. Maybe they didn’t approach someone they liked and now they feel like a coward. Maybe they made an awful decision that has shaped their entire life in a negative way ever since.

It’s hard; and like most things in life that matter, it’s not easy to overcome. These feelings in many of us are deep rooted.

Then someone comes along and tells you to believe in yourself, or suggests it’s possible to simply wipe away memories of your past. Such a notion feels like an insult at best. I used to talk like that when I first started out. I have since learnt that life isn’t that easy.

So what do we do?

There’s some comfort in knowing that other people have made mistakes worse than our own. Focusing on their failures seems to help. But it’s usually not very long before our own baggage begins to feel heavy again, and in any case, focusing on someone worse than us is a crappy way to feel good.

Here’s what I’ve learnt from my years working with people: The only guaranteed way to have a ‘positive-present-view’ of yourself, is to BUILD it from scratch.

I say ‘build’ because a positive self-view is created the same way trust in a relationship is created – by being built on, one small step at a time. Want a better image of yourself? Do something today that’s slightly more than the YOU of yesterday managed.

You think you’ve been a shitty person in your life until now? Fine. Do something small today that’s the opposite of what a shitty person would do. Do something nice for someone, a small act of generosity. Show a moment of understanding. Prove to yourself that you are better than yesterday.

You’ve been a wimp you’re whole life? Someone who cowers away from risk, or rejection? The antithesis of the hero? Fine. Talk to someone today and tell them they look beautiful. Stick up for someone who’s being verbally bullied in a group. Set an example for someone you know looks up to you. Prove to yourself that you are stronger than yesterday.

You’ve been lazy until now? Avoided responsibility? Down-played your dreams and ambitions to take the comfortable route? Fine. Go set up a call with someone who can help a vision you’ve had for a long time. Run for 10 minutes, clean your apartment, prove to yourself that you are more tenacious than yesterday.


(Photo credit: FlatWorldsEdge)


Will you erase all of your negative memories in a day? No. But instead of papering over past experiences with mindless pump-up mantras, you’ll have shown yourself something better: progress. A brief moment where you showed that even if only for 10 minutes, you were the person you wanted to be.

In the interests of full disclosure, even doing that one thing will probably not be easy. But do it you must. In that brief moment that you do do something different to the old you, you’ll like yourself. And we all know what happens when we meet someone we like. We want to spend more time with them.

When you do get to spend a moment with a version of you that you really like, you’re going to want to be around that part of you more. So you’ll find ways to be that person again tomorrow. It becomes a beautiful cycle that starts a new relationship with yourself. Not created – like a false friendship with a person we met the night before and told we loved in a drunken stupor – but built, one day at a time. A brand new relationship with the most important person in your life. YOU.

A thought to leave you with:

The criminal who just got out of jail can’t wipe away all of his crimes. But he has the ability to be better than before, one day at a time. You can too. But please before you start, let yourself out of jail. It’s stopping you from starting, and you’re the only person who’s been keeping yourself there.


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152 Responses to How Can I Like Myself More Than I Did Yesterday?

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  1. Jodi says:

    I feel surprised that I never came across this article before today. Thank you,Matt. I needed this great read :-)

  2. rissa says:

    my gosh you make me cry, you open my mind for all the words in that article, amazing matt your the best!!! thank you :)

  3. Mona says:

    God Matthew I have just deactivated my fb account :D And now I want to activate it just to share this amazing Article.

    Maybe coz u were not saying this like : Hey you are incredible .. whatever you did we have been there .. we need to learn to forgive ourselves.

    You are right its all about BUILDING ourselves. Thank you <3
    Have a nice day dear.

  4. Emily says:

    Thank you Matt, great advice. I always feel so much more inertia and energy towards my goals after watching your videos

  5. Aggie Lau says:

    Hii Matt,

    I have read most of your what you have wrote on your site and had followed all the u tube videos that you have posted but I think this is one of your best advices..You are such a positive person…

  6. Sunshine says:

    Hi Matt,

    You are truly a wise gem! This is really beautiful and very timely as I recently had a big crash and burn trying new things – new to dating. I am so grateful for all you do, I’m watching and absorbing like a sponge. I have purchased several of your programs and I’m finding them so invaluable. I can’t imagine doing this without the training you provide.
    Much love & bless you

  7. Luba Mekhontseva says:

    Hi Matt,
    Ive been following you since i first saw you on todays show, and at first ive been addicted to your videos even though im engaged, but i still love listening to what you have to say becuase every time i get something positive and useful, so thank you so much for doing all the wonderful things you do!
    Best eishes to you,

  8. Karen says:

    Thanks for this its the truth of being in a low place makes you all the more negative leading to spiraling depression and self loathing. knowing that you have value is worthless when you don’t feel it. This is the most sensible thing I’ve read about building self esteem, slowly proving yourself to be of value rather than wishing it to be so.

  9. Alicia Carby says:


    This is the single best thing I’ve read from your blogs and emails thus far. Wow. “Prove to yourself…”, “Let yourself out of jail”, “If only for 10 minutes”. Those are powerful words.

    It may sound overplayed to you by this point, but what you are instilling in the lives of women is not just a pathway to a paycheck, but it’s your true gift….possibly even your calling.

    Thank you.

  10. Yan says:

    Thank you.
    This helped after having what I now consider an insignificant first argument with my boyfriend. Everything was worked out but there was a part of me thinking I wasn’t “punishing myself” enough to move on.

    Now I know it’s enough to admit the mistake, ask for forgiveness and be the great woman he is in love with.

    I used many many of your techniques and advice and have found what most would consider a “catch” when it comes to men. Thank you a million times.


  11. Bernie says:

    Hi matt….how do I build myself being confident and loving myself again after been emotionally physically mentally beating for 20years and my husband walls away and moves on like he was the victim….now I’m seeing someone but just hooking up once in a blue moon…he doesn’t call and I don’t want to chase but I feel like an idiot he doesn’t want to commit but I really like h but he series pushes the wrong buttons and triggers my insecuritys…I think I’ve pushed h away and my heart just everyday I don’t mo how to be with a guy they just walk of my life

  12. Elise says:

    is there any way two things can be done, for all of us?
    first: place a superscription on your videos, i try to watch then on my breaks at work so cant really listen to it
    and would help a lot us women how dont have English as a native language

    second and important: “how not to spoil something, that had hardly started, with a nice guy”, how not to loose a guy before you even meet him well… hahahah will you pleaaaace do it i need it and i am sure lots of us do to.
    afraid of doing to much or to little
    afraid of loosing control or loosing myself at risk of getting hurt or even hurting (how knows)…

    thank you very much …

    Elise !Love Your Work!

  13. Elizabeth says:

    Amazing! As always, thanks Matthew! Just great, sound, positive advice! We can’t change the past–events that have occurred and things we have done are complete and written in stone! However, we do not have to let those events dictate how we coose to live our present or future. The greatest revenge we can have against things that we may not be proud of from our past is to make changes and learn from mistakes and take those baby steps into a new present day and a greater tomorrow! We are here to learn and the more we learn and gain insight from the past, the more we can progress to the person we really want to be. I love your statement that if we change and do something we can like about ourselves even for a short time at first, we then are drawn to that person that we are and want to be around that person more. We in turn then will want to act that way more and more and the cycle continues! Thanks again Matthew! You brighten my days!

  14. Britt says:

    I’ve been following you for a little while now. This article in particular comes at a good time for me, I met someone whom I really liked. I allowed my past, my insecurities destroy it. It’s depressing, but as you said, a learning experience. At least now I know I can indeed find a guy I like in the world.

  15. andie says:

    Matthew, again and again “Oh how you inspire and motivate me.” Not only for myself, but to eagerly and graciousely share with others. I look forward to your inspirations daily.

  16. Kira says:

    I also find it helps to pretend that I’m already the person I want to be and ask myself what I would be doing in that moment if it were true. And most importantly, how would I feel. And that’s what I do. I allow myself to feel that joy and that excitement and it motivates me to get out there and do it for real. Now, I’m not always right on how I’d feel about it but that just means I’ve learned something new that can direct me to the best path for me.

    • Leeah says:

      This is brilliant Kira….And a wise, wise tactic to propel yourself to the woman you want to be faster than you can imagine. Smart woman. Keep it up.

  17. Vickie says:

    Simply put…I appreciate you. Thank you for sharing yourself with us.

  18. Agostinha Jacinto says:

    Really inspiring!!! and i need to send this to a friend, who needs so badly this wonderful! perspective and advice…!
    Matty, you have the “power” to make my day brighter, every time! :) kiss*

  19. Cynthia says:

    Amazing and Inspiring!!

    You are one of a kind Matthew!!

  20. Mary says:

    Thanks so much for this. It’s just what I needed to hear.

  21. Kristi says:

    Hey Matt! Great article! I started following you while watching Ready for Love and haven’t looked back. I bought your book and read it in a few days and wanted more information, so I watched all the videos I could find. It still wasn’t enough and I wanted more information, so I am now doing the man myth and my only complaint is I have to wait a month before I can start watching the next set of videos. I just wanted to THANK YOU because you have help me grow and now I approach life/relationships in a way I have never done before! I hope you have a great day!!

  22. Mary says:

    Hi Matt. Thank you so much for the sincerity and passion that you invest into your work and these posts. Your loving intentions and desire to uplift are palpable!

    I have a strong streak of perfectionism that has driven me in many positive ways while concurrently making me feel many times that I was falling short in my own eyes (and therefore in what came to me in my life). I’ve come to the awareness that we are each of us fundamentally beautiful, complex, intricate beings. There is an intrinsic goodness that is the core of who we are, our baseline. When we beat up on ourselves, I feel it is our guidance system telling us we are off course in our opinion. (I believe this also holds true when we feel discomforted in our negative assessments of others.)

    There is an eternal drive within me to excel and experience the best in life. I feel that’s true of everyone, in their own way. We keep ourselves on such tight leashes sometimes. It’s a deep sigh of relief to let go and just relax into the thought that you are lovable (and enough) right now.

  23. Marisa says:

    Matt, I was reading this and almost in tears. I think I have been trying to apply the lesson to my life in the last few months/year and it definitely has been a process. My issue has largely been around weight, as I love being a foodie and catching up with friends over dinner/drinks but was not the best about balancing it out and so quickly saw my weight climbing and climbing until one old year’s night – sitting home, on my own, and feeling quite lonely and alone I decided enough was enough and that this was not the person I wanted to be. And so I started to hit the gym more, think about food choices, etc.

    Here’s the thing that I think was maybe hard for me to understand and I spent months dealing with as I progressed: I did feel better about hitting the gym and really enjoyed the benefits of going there and after a while, it became routine and something I missed. But once I actually started to drop the weight, I spent a long time feeling even more uncertain of myself that I have ever been in my life! I suddenly did not know who I was anymore, as I had always been the ‘fat chick’ – the one who does not get noticed. It was weird! And that is something I do not think people focus on with change of any sort. Even if it desired and wanted and actively sought out, it it sometimes hard to wrap one’s head around and you might spend quite a bit of time adrift, trying to come to terms with the positive and embrace it.

    My solution? I have embraced the change, I decided to make changes at a slightly slower pace so it has been one of being healthy, losing abit, getting comfortable in the new me, and then reassessing whether I was to go a bit further or just stick around at that point for while.

  24. Jasmine Che says:

    This is a really great way to look at things, initially possibly you’ll still be angry with yourself, but as time goes by it’ll be incremental the change, which is really what matters.

    Thanks Matt! :) xx

  25. nabila says:

    it’s a great article, in fact the best. thank you so much :)

  26. nadia says:

    I like the notion of building, it is so simple and true at the same time. Thank you for your advice that I find very practical and helpful in life rather than the theoretical things we all know and don’t apply. Loving yourself is indeed the key. I don’t have the pretension to say that I’m there but I’m working on it. I love myself the most when I am travelling or creative. Discovering and seeing new things is so thrilling for me.

  27. anna says:

    Thanks for this article matt.
    I love people who inspire me ,they inspire me to inspire others, and that’s what you do .
    I like the way you write articles,they take away my mind somewhere else and I love this feeling.
    Most of all I love you .

  28. Joanna says:

    I love you every time you open your mouth. I always did things you wrote in your article. I liked things I did, I enjoyed spedning time with myself. I forgot to think of my old “do something more” I forgot the feeling I got after doing small things that I would be proud of… I’m going to change that now. Thanks Matt. x

  29. Viola says:

    You are amazing! Greater than great article! Thank you, Matthew

    P.S. You are gifted

  30. Tess says:

    Hi Matthew!

    I’ve been following your blog and videos for almost a year now. As a start only for consolation because I felt horrible about being single and never meeting anyone new. But as I look back I built something new by accepting that I needed help in my love life. I’m a slow learner but it’s because I want to do it correctly, let it sink in etc.

    I recently gripped my fear of getting close to someone, through what may seem like a mistake but something I learned a lot from. After a break-up 2 years ago I got a new guy friend who represented everything I thought I’d want in a boyfriend, even though I was afraid to act on it and not really attracted enough. What happened was that he became my go-to-guy whenever I had had a disappointing night out with my friends, if only for a hug and a pat on my back.

    My “mistake” a couple of weeks ago was that I gave in and went all the way with my friend (who I know has been in love with me from day one) only to realise that my fear had been irrational. Blown up to such proportions and also made me blind to who he really was to me. Whatever exiting non-labeled thing we had, it broke and I found myself wanting more.
    Found that I’d been holding myself back all this time because I could just be consoled if I rang him up anytime of the day.

    A couple of days later of this I instead contacted someone I had met at a party, only to find the most respectful, gentle guy in a long time. He’d been afraid to ask me out, unsure about social cues and such, but so relieved when I texted him.
    We’ve ended up on such great terms, I’ve acctually gone on a couple of dates (I’ve never been on real date-date before), he’s cooked dinner for me, we went to the movies and so on and so on!

    I don’t really know where it’s going, but it’s a fresh start. It’s no longer me sitting at home and doing nothing. I made rejection my friend and realised that I’m truly starting to build myself up to who I want to become and what I’m worth in life.

    Thank you so much for being such an inspiration for us all. And thank you for believing!

    Love from Sweden,
    Tess xx

  31. Zion Princess says:

    I have recently learnt that yesterday’s problems are a platform for today’s opportunities. When I look back at my past I really wish I had been wiser and started dating instead of hoping Mr Right would come along at some point. However I now realise that the mistakes in my life as well as achievements have created a better me than I could have imagined I have so much more substance and overall a better packaged and balanced individual.
    I think sometimes as ‘older’ single women we are made to feel that we have done something wrong and therefore the universe hasnt ‘supplied’ us with our soul mate. I am glad that I took the time out to nourish my soul and to truly know who I am as an individual before taking on the greater challenge and responsibility of being a wife and a mother.
    Thank you Matthew for another insipiring article and website.

  32. nicole says:

    I always thought we are the only ones who could help us going or getting where we want to be ….As you said, freeing us first is The Start…xx

  33. betty says:

    hey..ur article is really motivating…thanks you!

  34. Laura says:

    Thanks for the great article Matthew, it actually couldn’t come at a better time since I’ve been having some terrible ups and downs on this topic. Because of your words I always find a little light at the end of the tunnel, thanks for that :)

    x Laura

  35. Andrea says:

    Thank you very much for your artical. Wonderful words of wisdom. I really like the way you explain things. In the past I have always had my problems with these esoteric people trying to tell me I have to chant my mantras (“I am slim”, “I speak up for myself”).
    This approach seemed so hollow to me. Your approach makes much more sense: small steps into the direction of the goal, and I can be rejoice about every step that I take.

    Keep the good work!

  36. Callie says:

    Hi! Another Great Article. I keep all the emails I get from you in a file called Dating Help but after this article I’m changing it to Dating/Life Help ;). I ordered your book and can’t wait to get it in April. Your tour doesn’t really come close enough to me, to see you in person. But if you go on another tour I would suggest Charleston, SC, where the women far out number the men. haha! At least it feels like that. Hope your having an excellent day! Thanks again for your infinite wisdom and Awesomeness!! ;)

  37. Jane says:

    When I first saw you on youtube a little two years ago, I was really blown away not by what you had to say but by your determination and passion. I was wondering what drives you so much. it made me listen..;cute guys like you don’t often put themselves out there in an intelligent way. they either shy or become players or too full of themselves..;You really had the courage to believe in yourself and create the life for yourself for what you had inside you. Today after hovering over your blog for so long , I am finally bothered to write to you to tell you you are an exceptional man. but you know that Reading this article, Just made me want to thank you. for the sincereity in your heart. you are not just beautiful on the outside but inside too. I have beat myself a few times but I have learned mistakes are what made me. it’s just I have to let myself out and venture a little bit more into the unknown. I like to plan everything I do, think things through. but i never realise that I wasn’t loving myself enough and your life by doing that too much. your dedication and courage for what you do; who you are; gives me courage to be me and out live my life lol I want to live free from being a bitch ;) and allow myself to fall in love instead of being freaking scared. lol I wish I can take you to dinner one day and yeah I am inviting you on a date ;)

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hey Jane,

      Thankyou SO much. This means the world to me, especially from someone who’s been following me for so long. I want to tell you that I’m grateful you took time out of your day to write to me, and I will continue to put myself out there in ways that help people. If you have suggestions for future blogs, let me know!

      Love Matthew x

      • Jane says:

        Thanks for the reply. I am not letting you get away with the date, You can’t possibly be that but thanks for being a gentleman.
        Thanks for asking me for suggestions.I don’t know what to suggest.Your blogs are just as inspiring as they come. the biggest issue for me and you have covered it before I am not sure, is that I live in fear of being happy. I have discovered that after a quick check on myself and past relationships that everytime something good seem to be happenning to me I sabotage it. and for the first time I am openned about it, reading your blog! I tend to choose partners that I found “safe” and don’t sweep me off my feet because I can’t handle being too happy and loosing control of myself. needless to say I rarely date if not at all. Everyone says I have it all going for me, but I choose not to date any guy. I like chatting to them but never let anyone taking me out.. and when someone do approach very close, I scrutinise them like crazy.Analyse everything..;I think this post on your blog answered most of my issue here and I am grateful..So thanks and I will try my best to be at your seminar on the 23TH , 24TH March..;I need more informations about it. I hope I can afford it. Thanks.

  38. Lydia says:

    Hi Matt!
    Wow! That is a very beautiful article!
    I’m impress with the way you write about it because I feel a big connection with what you say! It really helps to read it. Trying to be a better person is not always easy as it seems to and it’s reallly nice of you to express your opinion this way. I really appreciate it! :-)


  39. Lis says:

    Thanks Matthew.
    Every day IS a new beginning and when we give ourselves permission to take what we wish from the past, to live in the present then plan the future without losing the present day , life is gooood.

  40. Vanessa says:

    Reading this literally made my day and motivated me even more to find my the “shoes that fit me the best”. This article is inspiring and very true!

  41. EliG says:

    Thank you for this article Matt, it really speaks the truth and it is beautifully written.

    I agree that progress is a key word, we need to feel like we are stretching ourselves to become something better than what we are already, and that we’re moving towards something; and when we experiment something new for us, or a different aspect of ourselves there is a nice sense of accomplishment and achievement that comes with it and give us a little push to keep going in this direction.
    I have really sensed that lately, every time I took a small risk (that maybe looked big at the beginning!) something good came of it, almost automatically, whether it was to push myself to go to events where I didn’t know anybody, or to approach somebody with a cute smile, I made new friends and the new opportunities or events just come along.

    I believe that feeling a little pain every once a while, that we are not good enough or not happy with our life, can actually be positive if it pushes us to do something about it, even to take a small risk. When there is no pain whatsoever for long time, generally there is a sudden realisation all in once that something was wrong and we didnt notice it and now we regret not having done anything about it for a long time!

    Take care

  42. janz says:

    mat u r just gr8!! i love your wisdom!!

  43. Mari says:

    Hi, Matt.

    This is probably the best article I have ever read from you, cause you got to the core of it! You have overcame yourself!! hahahha

    X from Brazil!

  44. kristina says:

    Your wisdom and insight are priseless. Yet you give it so freely. Money can buy alot , even a new rack but not self esteem.

  45. S says:

    Hi Matt,

    Thanks for the another great article!

    On your other website ( you mention that you’re working on a digital version of your “Impact” seminar.

    I was wondering if you still had plans to release that sometime soon.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hey S!

      Yes we are working on the programme now. It is due for release at the end of March.

      M x

      • S says:

        Hey thanks for answering!

        I wasn’t able to make it to any of the live “Impact” seminars a couple of years ago. So I’m excited to see it comes out!

  46. Heather says:

    Matt , how do i get guys to pay me more attention ?

  47. Joelle says:

    Beautiful !!! Can you make an article about Men who are Not interested anymore or just want friendship .. Heard about that ‘making interesting’ Thing would you please Write about both Themes
    Love Joe

  48. Montse says:

    Beautiful article ,thank you.

  49. Raquel says:

    And just like this, you made my day. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. :)

  50. Lucelle says:

    Good practical advice. It echoes the words from Whitney Houston’s song: “Give me one moment in time, when I’m all that I dreamed I could be and then in that one moment of time, i will be, i will be, I will be free!

  51. Lynda UK says:

    Been reading your Get the Guy book which is great…. and I decided to be a bit more outgoing to all the people I came into contact with during the day instead of being so wrapped up in my own thoughts. What fun it was too! Smiling, and a mini chat, turned into a flirt with the teller at the bank.He was smiling a lot and It made me feel a whole lot better when I walked up the street. More of that to come I think I’m going to build on that

  52. mery says:

    Thank youso much Matt. realy I use it.

  53. Mimi says:

    Just what i needed first thing this morning Mathew. After planning all the work i would do over the weekend last friday i miserably failed and hardly slep last night feeling anxious over the things i didn’t get done. I like your suggestion to build from scrtach every day, each day striving to be a better person than yetserday – i’ll try this out this week starting now. With any luck i’ll stop falling, failing and feeling sorry for my self – step by step i hope i can be that ‘improved’ version of myself i so desperately want to be.

  54. Christina says:

    Matthew! Just saw your NBC commercial again! So happy for you and seeing you go from YouTube to worldwide success! Found you on the web randomly two years ago and knew you are special! You have he he says qui others don’t. Cheers!

  55. Nina says:

    I love that you wrote about this topic today. I don’t often comment on these threads because the root of the problem lies in exactly this place. At the end of the day, the goal really can’t be to get the guy. Rather, it must be to love oneself. A number of years ago, I worked with a group of young girls (18-22-ish) who were consumed with the idea that their self-worth was directly related to the level of interest shown by men … I began calling it the “I’m-nothing-without-a-man” syndrome. Sadly, in our world, much of the media perpetuates this idea. I loved reading this today because it reaffirmed everything I’ve believed and held dear for many years. My goal in life is to be the best me I can be and build up those around me who may be struggling with their sense of self-worth. I am beautiful, intelligent, strong, loving, and genuine whether anyone else takes notice or not – I don’t do it for them (but getting the guy would be a nice bonus). That doesn’t mean I don’t get lonely or frustrated. I do. However, I also work to remember that my personal goal is to be happy. I can be happy whether I’m single or not. That’s a choice I get to make each day. So, thanks for reaffirming this today. I think we all needed it.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hey Nina,

      Thank you so much. I’m just glad I chose a topic that resonated.

      Keep coming back, it’s great to have you here.

      Matt x

  56. Cindy says:

    Hello matthew!

    I’m 24, I’m reading your blogpost from France, it´s exactly what I needed so thank you!!
    I still have a question, it´s been 7 month that I’m in a relationship, I always have a low self-esteem and tried to hide it by being outgoing or with appearances. But like always when I’m in a relationship I became dependant to my boyfriend, seeing him like my life and myself have no interest when he wasn’t around.
    Lately I realised this attitude was very toxic for me and for our relationship, so I’m trying to love myself more and find who I really am. But it´s very hard to find the balance between just thinking of him and just thinking of myself. I’m afraid that if I think of myself we won’t be as close and in love as we where in the good times before, or that if I’m more confident we will have more fights. It may sounds stupid, actually i’m just afraid of losing him and our relationship.

    Do you have somes advices? They would be really helpful and appreciated.

    Thank you :)

  57. Kamilla says:

    Thank you. That was very insightfully written and humanitarian of you. You gave me a better perspective. I feel like stuck in a rut. I want to improve myself and learn to love myself. I have poor selfesteem and as the cherry on the cake, I have a mental illness. And it is something I have to bare for all of my life and it hinders me from doing things in my life, from taking risks, from believing in myself. And its an inner shame, that prevents me from opening up and getting close to people. And I also know that if I stress myself out, especially emotionally, I can get ill again. And its a terrifying state to be in.
    Sorry to lay all of this on you. I know this is not really your table. But I just wanted to tell you that you encouraged me with your words. And not in the qlishé way. Go you!

  58. Erika says:

    Still not convinced. And not willing to look for therapy.

  59. Raja says:

    thank you so much for writing. i needed to read this especially these days.

  60. Mary says:

    Thank you Matt, Great topic and article as well! I completely agree and would add being positive and surrounding yourself with people who are positive and supportive, but it starts with YOU!!!

  61. Laty Davis says:

    I feel that you wrote this article just for me. I’m young and I am still learning things about myself. But I have things in my life that have been holding me back from reaching my full potential in dating/relationships, my career and letting people in. These tips, I believe, will better me as a person and challenge me to be bold. Shake it up, haha. Thank you.

  62. Maria Paz Capunong says:

    Thanks Matt! This article, like many others you shared always strike me through. As to the saying “let bygones be bygones”, I would like to agree that let’s forget about the past and move on, a new dawn, a promising beginning is just around the corner…You are such an affirming gentleman Matt and I appreciate every single article by you. Good luck and more power!

    I know that I am always a part of my past, but with all humility I am surrendering all the broken pieces and pains and heartaches to God who is the source of all healing, grace and blessings.

    Thanks for your generosity,


  63. Supplicant says:

    Hi Matt,

    I am deeply impressed by three things.

    1 Your honesty
    2 The value you are bringing
    3 That you are taking the time to reply to every message

    This has been a special day for me.

    I woke up feeling wretched – yesterday I was refused travel from Morocco to London, because I had overstayed my visa. The visa laws here are quite strict for forginers, it is not the first time this has happened to me! I felt so disorganised and feckless… not to metion all the money I wasted traveling to the airport and on a place to stay in London and the apointmets I have to cancel… This against the background of a turbulent relationship with the father of my baby with whom I am separated and uncertainty about where we will live and what we will do next.

    But, I have been praying a lot and I oppened my facebook this morning to something which grabbed me.

    It said:

    Five Points To Live Happily

    1 Know that after all, life is simple.

    2 Be generous in your thoughts, deeds and with your things.

    3 Remember things go according to Karma – whether you like it or not.

    4 Humbly obey the law of the Universe (Tao)

    5 Be positive under any circumstances

    The first one was the kicker for me, closely followed by the second… and so forth.

    Well, I wrote it down on a little slip of paper – but before I did, I made a commitment to take it to heart and act on it.

    I can remember the feeling I had as I tried to put it in to action…
    Making the descision to take my daughter to the park instead of moping around the house on my laptop. There was a sucking sensation, as if I was trying to pull my soul out of quicksand… :D

    But I got the kid dressed and with as much kindness as I have in a long time.

    I set out with her and along the way we called on a friend who works at a hotel where the owner, also a friend, has died. I found the people there bewildered.

    He had died and left a half-finnished dream – a hotel spa with an organic garden, but nothing finnished and no cash and five people needing their salarys and bills piling up… And a large studio sitting empty. Bearing in mind principle number two, I told them to take the studio and open a coin operated laundrey – an idea I have long known will be an easy way to make money. This town is beautiful and firmly on the tourist trail – but there isn’t one in the whole place. And it turns out the old mill I on the waterfalls I have occasionaly immagined as the venue for the artisan ice cream shop I want to start is owned by the man I am speaking to .He knows it is sublime but he dosen’t know what to do with it, or with the little workshop nearby that I know will make a fine kitchen.

    The decesed’s apartment, at the base of the hotel facing on to the garden is sitting empty now and since there is a need of regular income, I could rent it and help the hotel stay afloat while getting a great place to live and working on these projects and turning the garden into a place to buy plants and compost and seeds and gardening tools with aplace for the bees I have always wanted to keep. And I am thinking about honey and candles and maybe even bee pollen…

    In the space of one visit with a simple and positive attiude I see the means to nurture a clutch of dreams and the possibility of working in community with people I like and having a place to live that I will nourish us.

    I took my daughter to pray and I met the man who’s house I failed to buy once – not for lack of funds at that time just for lack of desicive action and have been kicking myself about ever since. And he shook my hand with such sincerity, as if to say I know – and I wish I had waited for you to get your act together. We prayed in the atiechamber that prayer corner, a humble place I have never entered before but have often remarked to myself on the feeling that it is the heart of this town’s spritiuallity. As I walked out with my daughter a man passed and pressed some coins into my hand. The connitation is a little different here… he didn’t think I was in dire need but he was aknowleging the child, that she has needs and it is a honour to participate in meeting them. I didn’t protest but was never the less embarrased and turned away to tie my shoe lace at that moment seeing a genuinly needy mountain woman shuffling past I pressed the coins into her hand and went to lunch in the cafe of a friend who has been upset with me about my difficulties in caring for my child – a mother who realy feels for my daughter. Instead of acting on the anger I felt when when my daughter ran to my friend and didn’t want to be with me pressed it down to hear what she said when she looked me in the eye and pleaded with me to ‘have so, so, so much patience’ and we were able to hug each other, heart to heart, for the first time in ages.

    Just then my daughter’s father turned up and I was able to welcome him to the park with us… my daughter took to the slide like a duck to water and sat on a bike while we took turns pushing her around and went on the swings alone for the first time in her life. When her dad got mad and acted out at her at her for monopoliseing the ball some other kids were kicking around I was able to keep my cool and let him know it was not acceptable in a way that didn’t make him feel un-manned.

    I gave my Avacado milkshake to the little girl with the big brown eyes and shy smile who had befriended my daughter and let her ride her bike and had mint tea instead – far better for the waist line! The cafe’s sterio played an instrumental version of Moon River and I watched everyone in the park moving as if the music was chorigraphing them and watched the feet of a little boy following my daughter’s lead and climbing up the slide with his hands on the guard rails. Thinking each of us would remember some aspect of this afternoon and how much of life’s value is in making of memories you will be happy to revist.

    On the walk home my daughter picked flowers and was happy and natural, relived, I sensed, that her folks were not arguing and pinging her around between them.

    And when we got inside the city, with out her having to ask I picked her up and carried her all the way home, but then I forgot to obey the natural law of the universe that says don’t force people to do hings they don’t want to do and insisted on sending her dad out for wet wipes when he wanted to change her with water in the bathroom but I wanted her to be able to stay laying down. All I needed to do was what I eventually did after he left; gently clean her with a cloth and warm water and soap – the kind ot thing that is always in my heart to do but I rarely find the patience and time for.

    After a rest I took her out to tea in the home of a family who live nearby – who I go to see rarely – even though I like them so much and their table is always wonderful. The best thing about their house is their grandma, she is ninty ish years old – isn’t it funny how the years become irrelivant after a certain age? She is the heart of the place, everyone else revolves arround and she lets me sit beside her and share her blanket and put my head on her shoulder and she puts her hand over mine and she is warm and still and there, always except when sitting on her door step or visiting the mosque. Meanwhile my daughter is so happy playing with a little boy who lives there I am able to strike up a conversation with a girl who is visiting her family from Holland who speaks English fluently and studdies economics and was able to make profoundly helpful suggestions about how to get a meeting, God willing, with the King of this country who I have been carged with contacting for permission to mint gold and silver coins in his name for the purpose of paying the Zagat, or charitible tax. This is the heart of my mission here and I have been feeling so down about my lack of success in oppening the problem – but now I have a perceptive new allie with powerful connections.

    Carrying my daughter home she spontiaously showerd me with kisses… and now she is dozing on my lap…

    … I opened my email to find I have my first guest for my listing on AIRBNB.

    and then I found your post the name of which ‘how can I like myself more’ brought tears of longing to my eyes and inside you describe perfectly the process I am living today.

    Was I perfect? No, I got things wrong but today was way better than yesterday….


  64. Rubaya Sheikh says:

    Thank you so much matt. Your articles really help alot to deal with life. Sometimes we put so much in a relationship, still the person we are in love with doesnt recognize. That makes one feel down and low.why i always think that iam lonely and i need love. I should be happy.

  65. Andrea says:

    Hello Matt!
    I loved your article, and thanks God I understood these things you write about a few months ago, but you have no idea of the amount of people I’ve met who don’t understand this and see themselves badly. Is there a way to make them see that they’re worth it? Is there anything you consider I could do to make them realize they have the capability of redeeming themselves from their bad actions? I’m from Venezuela, so not many of my friends speak english and I can’t show them your article :s What do you recomend me to do?

    PS: I wish you could come to Latin-America! :(

  66. luisa Longo says:

    Dear Matt
    the article is truly inspiring and shows a new
    Perpective that encourages to leave ” the prison”
    on the spot and improve
    One thing I really appreciate
    From your lessons is also the positive dinamic energy
    and your great sense of humour
    Things are changing in my life
    Thank you


  67. alexia says:

    I really nedded this,thank you Matt from the heart!

  68. Suzie G says:

    Well I believe this article came at the right time in my life. This might sound cheesy but I cried myself to sleep and woke up to this link on your email. I was extremly hard on myself for the things in my life that haven’t happened yet and I forgot to see what I have accomplished so far day by day. In learning that life doesn’t happen in one day but a series of steps in a process greater than I, helped me release some stress. The words from your heart have spoken to mine with great comfort. I don’t think you will ever realize how much but you should know that you are blessed with a gift. A gift in not only helping people but giving them a new positive view into the future. I haven’t made many major mistakes because in some way I have been inclosed in myself so I will not get hurt by this big bad world and in some ways that has hindered my growth in life as to when I did make some if those mistakes is when I learned the most. Not saying that I should make more mistakes but not to get myself-esteem down because things didn’t go a certain way and that I was not able to control a situation. Thanks again and I wish you the best in life and love because you are a true genuine man who deserves every minute of the greatness that is coming. No matter what do not give up and if you ever even think for an inch about that just please look back on my words to you if they mean anything and know that you have helped a soul and much more that it would be ridiculous to stop. As you tour the United States be mindful that not everyone is genuine and there is an extent to everything. I hope to see you in March in Los Angeles with my busy schedule and financial issues, but if I cannot make it then again I wish you a successful life in everything. Sorry for writing soo much. Thank you again.


    Suzie G

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Dear Suzie G,

      What a kind and generous person you are to have taken the time out to write to me like that. Thank you for the beautiful things you said. Please know that it affects me deeply to know that this has helped so much, and that hearing you say these things motivates me to keep doing what I’m doing.

      I truly hope you’ll come to LA in March to see me. I would love to have you there so that we can continue this journey together, as a team.

      Massive love

      Matthew x

  69. erica says:

    What if over time youve become the person u always wanted to become,someone you genuingly like to be but it turns out both ppl u know and dont know are somehow not attracted to u?and u cannot for the life of u pinpoint where ur going wrong?

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hey Erica!

      Well the first thing to realise is not everyone will like us. But if right now noone you meet is taking an interest in the way you would like it is likely to be down to your ‘strategy’ as opposed to your confidence. There’s probably something you still aren’t showing or demonstrating which is preventing them from seeing you in that way. Once you’ve figured out what that is you’ll realise your probably not far off at all in getting the attraction you want.

      M x

      • erica says:

        Big thanku! the way u explained it is clear and helpful.youre the sweetest Matt!^^
        p.s. f*** it im ordering your book(s)! haha. Looks like ill need them. xx

  70. D says:

    Matt, it is rare to find someone who keeps churning out thoughtful, empowering, relable and inspiring articles. Enjoyed reading this and learning from you.

    Reminds me of my motto: the only person you need to believe in is yourself.

    Well said, D,

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Thanks so much D! When I’m writing this things I never know to what extent people will enjoy it, I just write form the heart and hope it will resonate. I’m so glad to hear this one did.

      Thanks for commenting.

      M x

  71. Magdaléna says:

    Hei :)
    I like this blog. Its true I completely agree on that u need to train your will and use it for being who you want to be. Thats the way to be happy and love yourself :)

  72. Kathryn says:

    I particularly find your article brilliant as you focus on self-image rather than use the term self-esteem. When we get to the stage of realising we really need to take action to remedy this in our lives, for whatever reason, not only to meet the man of our dreams we want it to happen overnight. Then when this is not borne out we feel more deflated than before. The way you explained makes perfect sense to me,as I inadvertently started the process yesterday and I felt it working. This is the best advice you have given so far : ) x

  73. Nancy says:

    Wow!!! Sooo well said Matthew!!

  74. Heather says:

    All day long i felt so bad about myself , i was thinking about how my life isnt progressing and how fed up i was of waiting for that boyfreind i keep imagining , but then i read this and realized that what your saying is completly true . I cant control whether a guy i like will come over and talk to me or not , but I can control how I feel about myself . This article has made me beleive in myself . Thank you so much for taking the time to write it Matt , you give the best advice ever.

  75. Lola says:

    The past is past. We should just learn from the mistakes we made in past. The only thing that seems to bring a change in our life is to look forward, not backward.
    “You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have”. -Unknown
    Thanks for the article, Matthew!!!)))

  76. Sabrina says:

    The timing of this article is amazing! I was thinking last night, as I watched a movie with my dog (yep, no hot date for me) that I will probably meet a man with the same level of self-esteem that I have, so I better make sure that mine is high because I want a man who has confidence in himself and treats me well and I’m sure ill attract a man who is at my same level. Eek! I’m sure taking the steps you mentioned will help because I’ve seen far too many romantic comedies with my dog this year (LOL).

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hey Sabrina,

      You’re absolutely right – confidence attracts confidence.

      Just make sure that in addition to your cosy nights you’re getting out there and putting this stuff into practice too. I want you to have your own romcom in your life ; )


  77. Gini (he•kne) says:

    “Sometimes in life what you’re looking for is looking for you too”
    This article comes for me at a perfect timing. I used to be one of those people who would constantly say: ‘tomorrow this, tomorrow that’ when it came to better myself, had all the drive in the world when it came to my carreer but zero drive to becoming the person I wanted to be. Just like you mention above I said ‘enough’ one day and started investing more and more of my time towards building myself from scratch, little by little. I’m not complete where I want to be yet but it is because I started that I got to see the person I can be, the person I like to be at least an hour of each day, and is because of that feeling that I know that I won’t build Rome in one day but I sure will have it done if I just stick to the pace I’m at right now.

    Thank you for contributing to that feeling Matthew.


  78. Eve says:

    Great post today, Matthew. It’s come at a good time for me as I’ve had a very bad weekend having a heart to heart with a guy I really liked and who I was uncertain liked me back . Turns out he’s playing the field, but didn’t tell me to what extent. We were never together and it was long distance, so it’s okay.

    The funny thing is that despite being told that feelings were not mutual, I have been most upset by how I let him cheapen our relationship – our friendship – by letting me get so emotionally close. That is a mistake on my part, that I made and knew for a long time but was too afraid to face, and so it went on for months. I know I’m a woman worth giving a damn about and who deserves so much better, and sadly for him, he’s pissed that away.

    So now I’m going to keep busy, meeting up with friends and socialising, to claim back that strong, independent person I was before meeting him. I’m getting back on that frikkin horse, Matthew! xxx

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      LOL love it Eve. It’s never easy when someone doesn’t meet our expectations, but it has no bearing on the next person. Let’s get out there and do it again : )


      • Eve says:

        Thanks for responding Matthew. Your blogs remain an amazing source of strength and inspiration to all of us. I really needed that today. Keep up the brilliant work :) xx

    • Rumors says:

      OMG I had the EXACTLY problem this weekend. I mean, it´s like reading myself.

      Even if it hurts this will make you a stronger person. Go girl.

      • Eve says:

        Oh Rumours – how weird is that? We deserve better than idiots who don’t treat special relationships as the precious things they are, or ones who pretend that there is a relationship when all they want is one thing. Life is too short for that kinda messy bullish*t.

        You go too, sista! ;) xx

        • Rumors says:

          Yes, it´s so weird. (Excuse me my English, I´m spanish). What really hurts me is knowing that the guy is not a bad person but acts like a total asshole. That and that our friendship will end like this.

          But we will go through this and we will learn a bunch of things. Send you all my encouragement.


          • Eve says:

            Rumor! Same here! We’ve not been talking to the same man, have we?? ;) Yes, absolutely the same situation. I’m struggling to come to terms with hearing how much of an asshole he behaves, and yet I miss my friend who I got to know and adored. I wish I could just have that man back, even without a relationship – I want to like him again as a nice person. But I don’t know if I deal with essentially ignoring that dumb side of him that thinks he play around and hurt so many people. Thankfully, he never messed around with me, so it was a bullet dodged.

            Supportive energy to you too, my dear. Stay strong. We can do be better, and we both know it, else we wouldn’t be saying goodbye to these guys.


  79. Jill says:

    I think it’s so important to remember we are on this earth to learn and grow and the only way we can do that is to make mistakes. When this happens try to evaluate what went wrong and do your best to correct it. Above all learn to truly love yourself:) Happy Sunday y’all

  80. Google eye says:

    … (sorry, I press the “post comment” too soon! … within the limit, constraint, resources and authority I have. If things do go wrong even if I have made my best attempt, then I would learn from it and do better next time. Sometimes when I look back, there are things I did which I would laugh at now. But I do not live with regret. Tge experiences and lessons I learn help me to move forward, and becoming wiser.

  81. Kelly Ruby says:

    This is wonderful, you have such a way with words. I think its wonderful that you make it such a mission to spread good thoughts and ideas through out the community. You go beyond trying to help us “get the guy”. Its greatly appreciated.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hey Kelly,

      Thankyou SO much. I try to make it about more than just men (there’s definitely more to life than, that’s for sure lol).

      When we are happy it’s much easier to attract people to us, so anything relating to happiness is still related to our love life!


  82. Google eye says:

    In life and in every day I live, it is often hard to say whether I have done something good or bad, right or wrong. So, it is not a matter of identifying mistakes either. For me, I try my best on every task or project I do, within tge limits, constraint, resources and auth

  83. Elena says:

    This was exactly what I needed now. Seriously.. thank you so much for sharing these nice words and beautiful post! Because I was feeling shitty the past days because of that. I was thinking about myself from things I did in the past or things that I stopped doing it and never achieved. And I really started to think that I would never be able to do it.. and now I know that the best feeling is letting those things away and think about the present you, thats what matters. Thank you Matthew!!! x

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      You’re welcome Elena.

      Keep coming back and supporting me, it’s words like these that make it worth while when I’m sat something writing an article or recording a video. I want people to get as much value as possible from this site and everything I’ve learnt over the years.

      Matthew x

  84. Gian says:

    Very inspiring. Thanks

  85. Paula says:

    I can not change the past, but I can the future. I tell myself ‘it’s ok, your doing fine’ I know it sounds corney, but it works. Like you said, ‘build on something small, it works.

  86. Gloria says:

    Thank you, Matt.

    I think it is just what I needed to jump start my morning. I think we are our worst critic. Yes, I have said and done a lot of things that I regret and I seem to carry the burden day in and day out. I tended to continue acting poorly think “well, whatever people view me in this negative light”. Though bottom line “Every moment is a chance to turn it all around”.

    Thank you,

  87. Malle says:

    It is the best article I have ever red from you.
    As I really have problems accepting myself I have lived in a prison my entire life, I was just waiting for the right moment to rebuild my life and create it they way I like.
    As soon as I move abroad, or far away to study. But since they might be some complications and I’m still figuring out what to do after my guardiation i should really stop suspending it and start right away. Selfesteem and self-realisation are the key to a good life :)
    You are really inspiring.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hey Malle,

      Wow, you made my day. Thank you so much for your appreciation. I’ll be working hard to get you more that can help you, promise.

      M x

  88. Kate says:

    I think this is a really interesting article, interesting because it is devoid of ‘fluff’ and bs, it’s to the point and gives everyone who reads it, the ability to do something different today. I was struck by the simplicity of your message, meaning that I think even those who are feeling pretty confident about themselves can still get something from it.

    Thanks a million for sharing!


    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Thanks so much Kate. I always strive for simplicity and zero BS, so your words mean a alot to me.

      Thanks for commenting,

      Matt x

  89. Jo says:

    Its about not letting your inner critic run your life – you have the capacity to be kind to yourself as you are to others but only if you listen to your critic and then allow yourself to listen to your wise self

  90. Kelly says:

    Wow this is really good, I will definitely follow this advice as its so helpful. Thanks for this Matt! :)

  91. Matthew Hussey says:

    I like commenting on a sunday, it’s easier to get back to the comments : ). So great to be talking with you guys.

  92. Anastasya says:

    Thank you for the article. It’s really inspiring to me! I think this is where everyone should start (before going out there and meeting the man of their dreams) – first you should begin to love yourself, and most importantly, love for something you did. Thanks for the idea of building this feeling. Never thought of it that way, although it’s simple :)
    Cheers from Russis!
    P.S. First time commenting ;)

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hey Anastasya,

      Love that you’re commenting for the first time! Thanks for being part of the discussion.

      Love what you said about loving yourself for something you did. That’s exactly what this article is all about.

      Hope to see your comments here more often : )

      M x

  93. Leila says:

    Thank you so very much for this. Could not have been more relevant to my life but in this exact moment. Especially because I’ve been building a new relationship with myself for a few months but still find myself sleeping in a prison cell from time to time.
    It is possible though, if I can do it anyone can!

  94. Rebecca says:

    This feels very timely I’ve worked with so many of your suggestions and they work and then get presented with a part of myself that i hadn’t got to yet take last night i was my total best self at a party connected with everyone there made an exciting connection with a gorgeous guy i would never have thought would even look my way before but i wasn’t questioning any of it it was great but then an old monster popped up and i let things go further than i should not because that’s a problem but because i know i needed more time to get to know him. Initially i just felt rubbish but i clicked something everything else had been different i just hadn’t got to that bit of the equation yet so just thinking like that and being so much more of the person I’ve always wanted to be i know allowing myself to look at this and change pattern bringing more and more of my best self along to the party and enjoying every step and loving the changes it brings thanks Matt all helps to work these things out

  95. Rumors says:

    And some of our defects are the ones that lead us to big adventures. I will always remember what a friend said to me once: “When I fall in love I don´t do it of a perfect person. I like people with defects, they are not boring. When I fall in love with someone I LOVE her defects”

    That´s love, man.

  96. Andrea says:

    This will stick to me …. Thanks Mark

  97. Rumors says:

    Well, sometimes we feel guilty too much and that doesn´t let us just keep walking. I´m talking af mistakes that are not so very bad mistakes but we keep on feel guity about that. We are human beeings and we can not be perfect.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hey Rumors,

      I understand that feeling. But sometimes it’s about giving yourself a break and allowing yourself to do better today, instead of beating yourself for something you did yesterday.

      You can’t build on the feeling of guilt, but you can build on forgiving yourself and moving on.

      Thanks for commenting x

  98. Liza says:

    Beautifully written and well thought out. Thanks Matt!

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