Was Breaking Up With Him The Right Decision?

You decided it’s time to break up.

And now you’re single again. But for some reason you don’t feel at peace.

You’re still haunted by that eternal question: Did I make a HUGE mistake?

Even if it was YOU who decided to call off a relationship, at some point you’re always going to get that horrible feeling inside of you that questions your decision to dump someone. Your friends and family say it’s for the best. But maybe they don’t really know. Plus, there was that one friend who advised you to give things another try with this guy and now you’re even more lost and confused!

You could be stuck forever like this. Frozen in the limbo of wondering whether you’ve made the best decision of your life, or thrown away an incredible relationship. In this week’s video, I’m going to show you an easy way to tell whether you made the right choice, and personally guide you out of this anxiety and indecision with simple but powerful change in mindset, so that you feel confident in your feelings and can let a relationship go in peace.

Believe me, I know myself how easy it is to get stuck in this place for months only to come out of it and wonder why you wasted so much of your precious time worrying.

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

38 Responses to Was Breaking Up With Him The Right Decision?

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  1. Nilu says:

    We broke up yesterday. He says he loves me a lot and I too feel that he loves me more than anyone has ever loved me, he pampers me plays with me sing with me jumps around with me and we are happy. But this is true only when we are together. We had to move the different universities for higher education since then everything has changed. He keeps saying I have never given him any reason to continue being with me, he says my love was never seen by any one, neither him nor his friends..he thinks I am busy with others but I dont have time for him. But I am always wating for him always pampering him, loving him, making plans to go out..yet he says I never loved him and all the effort was from him. So I broke up with him last night as he never saw what I did for him..he only wanted things to be according to him. But now when I think of the good time I want to forget all his flaws, but then I think is it possible to spend the whole life like this. Was it a right discission

  2. Misty says:

    He broke up with me 7mos ago. But for the past 5mos after the break up we really had this like weekly communication and he sometimes gave me confusing mesaages that he still want me until I ended up telling him how much I am hurt and to stop playing with my feelings. We had NC and now,we were again exchanging messages but no sweetness. I am just so confused. I don’t know if he is already seeing someone but why does he have to talk to me thru text still.

  3. Nada says:

    I just ended a relationship because he didn’t want any serious relationship. We used to be close friends and now I asked him not to call or to meet him. His birthday is coming up and I don’t know what to do!

    • Misty says:

      Hi Nada, since you mentioned that you used to be close friends, sending him a Happy Birthday note I think won’t hurt. But make sure that it’s the only content of your message, just a birthday wish. Nothing more. It’s just my opinion.

  4. Moi says:

    Thank you so much… I cling to your closing that pain is not always a sign that we did something wrong rather it could be a sign that is time for us to grow

  5. Confused says:

    I have been in a relationship with my husband for 15 years. When we initially got together, I was a different person then — had just gotten out of a long-term relationship and felt like I needed someone to nurture and help, and he really seemed like he needed help. He’s been through a lot in his life, and I wanted to make it brighter and help him feel less burdens in life. I needed this so much that I turned a blind eye to many red flags that had I had my head on straight I possibly would have run from.

    Fast forward to present day, and we now have a six-year-old son. I have been in therapy for quite some time dealing with my issues and trying to work on myself. Yet my husband seems to still be in the same place — violent behavior and a loose cannon. He doesn’t believe in any sort of religion or that therapists can help him. Frankly, he scares me sometimes, and I’m tired of fixing things, replacing things or coming up with excuses about why something is missing when something irreplaceable is destroyed. Besides, what kind of examples are these behaviors setting for our son?

    So, I told him I wanted to separate. He has now started threatening suicide and saying that he actually needed me to do this so that he could set the wheels in motion to change. I do love him, but I don’t know that I could say I’m in love with him. What I am is tired, anxious and not getting any younger. I don’t know how to fix this.

  6. E says:

    Just ended a relationship that does not benefit or add value to my life. thank god it didnt went on that long but it hurts and saddened me coz it wasn’t as real and genuine as i thought it could be. Thank you so much for your video it put me at peace. The last point really got to me and you said it so eloquently that i know deep down inside after all it was something that i truly wanted for myself.

  7. Nancy says:

    God, I really needed that right now, Matthew, thank you! Just been through a relationship with someone where we weren’t communicating at all. Felt anxious for a long time until I could take it no longer. I realise I have to work on myself before I even contemplate another intimate relationship with anyone. Love the way you get your point across too; so clear. Thanks again.

  8. Angela Spell says:

    Oh and I confess it’s confusing and oddly painful. As there remains unanswered crazy-fundamental questions. Such as is he really a single dad of a 16 year old daughter divorced since 2006?… If so, what’s up with his frequent MIA / failure to communicate / disappearing thing and the unexplained drama from his daughter’s mom?…

    On the other hand the truth is the vast majority of our interaction was happy, fun and exquisitely beautiful. So I miss him and his voice. Yet I am at peace with release and wish him well.

  9. Angela Spell says:

    Thank so much Mathew!

    This is important and little heard supportive information that discomfort and missing someone does not mean the wrong decision was made.

    I chose to break off with a man I believe I feel in love with however the relationship did not meet my basic needs for healthy relationship which are trust, communication and respect. And those needs are non-negotiable for me.

  10. Fatima Abubakar says:

    I just got divorce by husband and am hurt I don’t know what to do right now can you please tell me.

  11. Priscilla says:

    I needed to hear this today. Thank you.

  12. Pingback:If He Was So Bad Why Does It Hurt So Bad? | Ladywithatruck's Blog

  13. Sandra Layman says:

    This was an awesome video and so spot on true. I have been feeling this exact way and your words give me assurance that I am misdirecting fear at this situation. You are awesome Matthew!

  14. Tracey says:

    Amazing video Matt. It’s so true, we misinterpret pain to mean that we’ve made the wrong decision and it’s just not true. Your timing with this video was impeccable, in in a relationship now and there are many reasons I’m doubting it, thanks for hitting the scarcity fear square in the chest!

  15. Yo Chan says:

    Thank You. :)

  16. Lida says:

    Hi Matthew

    Thank you. I always listen to you. Matthew I used your tips, I got the guy who was stunning to me! After a while I found out he wasn’t good enough for me. I stopped talking to him, but he was begging me to be in a relationship with him. He doesn’t leave me alone! He is trying to be with me, he wants to spend money and take me out, but I hate him now. I really don’t know how to leave him. please please tell me how I can say no to someone! Right now I have two men in my life that I hate, but they are trying hard to be with me. I don’t flirt with them, I even don’t care about them. why do they chase me? I think I should use your tips wisely.

    • Stefan says:

      First of all, hate is a powerful emotion and nobody deserves your hate, how can they. Hate is something that poisones your life and ultimatlly makes it miserable. What has he done to deserve you poisening your life right now! Think about it, I`m sure he doesent deserve so much investment, woulden`t you agree
      Secondly let me put your actions in order of desirebility to the other side:
      1. Flirting
      2. Having a fun conversationa
      3. Having a polite conversation
      4. Having an inpolite conversation
      5. Having a verbal fight
      6. Only shortly answering his questions (yes, no, ok…)
      7. Ignoring him, give no responce what so ever
      Do the number 7 and soon enough he`ll beout of your life

      I know that if you aplly this it will help you. Wish you all the best :-)

  17. Esmeralda says:

    Thanks so much Matt.

    I have been over with my boyfriend for almost a year now and it still sucks and hurst like crazy but you always tend to remind me that things happen for a reason.

    Somehow you always find the right words to say.

  18. Faizah says:

    Thank you Matt.

    I’m going to have to let the love of my life go for a reason that might seem “unreasonable” for most people, but it makes perfect sense to me.

    My reason is that we don’t belong to the same religion. My religion takes over my life and it’s so dear to my heart. On the other hand, he is not religious at all (doesn’t believe in religion). I love him and I know he loves me, but also I know it won’t work. It’s the most difficult decision I’ll ever have to make.

    • Vanessa David says:

      I doubt you are correct in your reasoning. You’re leaving someone you say genuinely cares about you over lacking a common belief regarding an unanswerable question. What he chooses to believe is his business and his comfort. You must respect this, and it would only be reasonable if he doesn’t do the same.

  19. Laurie says:

    Thank you, Matthew! Once again, everything I needed to hear as I have had my moments thinking about this very topic. I’m always amazed about how much you truly understand the emotions and thoughts one experiences due to relationships, and how you are able to explain these things with such clarity. Much appreciation for your advice.

  20. DWayna says:

    Thank you. I have struggled with this for months. Thanks for being a sound voice to help me understand that I did make the right decision.

  21. Julia says:

    Thank you so much for this video, Matt! You are speaking out of the fullness of my heart. Thank you so much for understanding and showing the right way to go. It really helps. What seems easier for the moment isn’t always good or the right thing to do after all. Love it!

  22. Hi says:

    Still, how do you know if you made the right decision to break up with someone and that the decision itself didn’t come from fear? If I understand you correctly, every time we decide to break up, it’s the right choice, but we know people that broke up, got together again and got married ,had children and live happily..

    • Amy says:

      After a break up… After self work and therapy… came to realized that I was not able to put myself 100% into any relationship, out of fear. The breakup was probably not necessary, things were actually very good and would have only been better if I had been able to be fully present in it.

      In a big way, this break up and subsequent suffering, was so necessary to realize where I had gone wrong.

      If we get another chance, great! If not, I am at least emotionally prepared to not make the same mistake out of fear.

  23. Karen says:

    I was actually thinking about this last night just before I opened your email. I am always the one who end the relationship whenever I find out some red flags. But soon after doing that I started questioning myself that if I was too ” impulsive” or if I should have been more patient to ” fix” some problems between us makes me very anxious and confused.
    However, after I watched some video ( especially yours, Matt :) and read some articles I felt very released about my decision ( but it doesn’t mean I don’t feel bad anymore). As a woman, we should all trust our gut and realize that the moment when we make the decision to leave this person who is probably wrong for us can save us lots of pain and grief. Our instinct is the nature gift that can protect us. I believe that if we feel that there is something that pushes us to make that decision, then we are probably (%99.9) right.
    I once read a article from a psychologist and relationship expert, it says something like ” you can either cry for losing him now, or cry later for keeping him.”

  24. Suzanne says:

    Well said, Mathew. Feeling pain or confusion after a breakup is a normal phase to go through in the grieving process. I think even though we might have ended the relationship, we still grieve the loss of that person and the comfort, as well as the fear and painful uncertainty of our future; if we will ever find someone or ever be able to trust or love again. It’s understanding that process of grieving that gives us compassion for ourselves. I think we can sometimes feel just as hurt leaving someone as the other person leaving us. It’s both a form of loss on many levels and we’re going to grieve that loss. And any phase of this process can last how ever long it takes us to accept and change our perception. Understanding that pain is normal, and as you said it’s a time of growth. It helps to see it as an opportunity to heal and move forward. Sometimes it takes that pain to push us along. In that sense, pain can be a gift.

    Thank you for sharing your love and light!
    Suzanne

  25. Lisa says:

    Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Your message is PERFECT and your timing is just right! I know in my heart that I made the right decision. MATHEW YOU ROCK!!!!

  26. Amy says:

    This is the best, most genuine, video I have ever seen of yours! You were honest and sincere, helpful and caring! You didn’t try to sell me anything, you simply told a truth I needed to hear. Thank you!

  27. Nelly Bee says:

    Hello Matthew, this video came to me at just the right time. I sometimes feel so scared of the life after the relationship I finished, that I am actually thinking about going back although deep inside I feel. this would not be the best solution. Will focus on growing as you say for a while. Thank you very much.

  28. mm el says:

    10 years age difference (he is younger)…the only reason :((

  29. Linda says:

    This one really hit the nail on the head for me. Very timely sound advice right when I needed it!
    Thanks Matthew!

  30. Li Shan says:

    Thank you for this video Matthew. What you said makes a lot of sense, the confusion and the pain that you can feel after a breakup can really screw with your head and make you wonder if you made the right decision ? I wish I had watched this video a year ago..when I was going through a breakup, I had made the decision, but I felt so confused after that.

    • Karen says:

      I was actually thinking about this last night just before I opened your email. I am always the one who end the relationship whenever I find out some red flags. But soon after doing that I started questioning myself that if I was too ” impulsive” or if I should have been more patient to ” fix” some problems between us makes me very anxious and confused.

      However, after I watched some video ( especially yours, Matt :) and read some articles I felt very released about my decision ( but it doesn’t mean I don’t feel bad anymore). As a woman, we should all trust our gut and realize that the moment when we make the decision to leave this person who is probably wrong for us can save us lots of pain and grief. Our instinct is the nature gift that can protect us. I believe that if we feel that there is something that pushes us to make that decision, then we are probably (%99.9) right.

      I once read a article from a psychologist and relationship expert, it says something like ” you can either cry for losing him now, or cry later for keeping him.”

  31. ARIANE AGUECH says:

    Thank you so much Mathew for the video Was breaking up…..
    It s helping very much that you also make videos and work about this aspect of the relationship. I am struggling with breaking up with a man whose all aspects of his personality is corresponding to the tests of detection of PN persons.
    But in public he shows an angel face therefore no one understands the hell I have been going through. This at the same time I had to care for my elderly disabled tiranic mother and others family problems to deal with.
    Except for one of my three adults daughter ( who helped me to open my eyes) every one is against me for having made a legal separation one year ago on October 2014.
    When I take a decision, I stick to it, because I take it after having tried all what is possible to try. ( wasting to much time)
    But the weigh of this misanderstandind from relatives and acquaintances is very heavy to bare.
    If you have more advice to give it will be of real help.
    I thank you very much.
    Best regards.
    ARIANE AGUECH PITTON

  32. Darlene Amrhein says:

    I was conned by a man for 5 months & loss of thousands of dollars.
    My kindness & help caused him to skip out on bill & turn me in for criminal charges claiming harassment. As a single person I think it is important to listen to the words, but watch the actions more in every avenue with everyone you meet. Body language says a lot.
    Red flags are there, so don’t ignore them. Unknown to me he was married 3 times divorced & last one was only three months of his bliss.The lack of respect for women of the past show the lack of respect he will show you in the end. Jerk is too kind a word for this CON-Man, who has been scamming people his whole life. Be careful….no be very careful !! Darlene

  33. Kat says:

    Hi, Matthew.

    It’s funny because right now, the love of my life just decided to give up on me after I broke up with him yet told him that we could mutually fix things with each other in mind to be better people and maybe come back to each other in the future. But I believed that with that mentality, I am not going to be able to get over this sadness. And so I told him that I need to move on to be better. And, unlike his usual persistent self, he agreed and just went off with saying that he realized this is good for me and that he cannot wait for me forever.

    I commend him for that. So much. Because he’s a stubborn boy who thinks that things will be better as long as I am by his side. But we were pulling each other down and that’s what caused my family to make us break it off. But after he said that, it caused me to break down and I was so close to asking him not to give up on me.

    Until I saw this video. Thank you very much. It appeared on my e-mail notifications right on time. I love this guy so much and I only want him to see beyond him and I so that he can fully grow without me helping him up. And that’s what’s important. That’s why we broke up. We are both going to grow as whole people and whether or not we end up with each other again in the future is wholly up to the moment then. What matters is we get better from this. Thank you so much for that reminder.

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