The #1 Cure for Your Broken Heart

I still remember every heartbreak I’ve ever had. 

If I try I can still bring back the agony of those months after a relationship ended, wondering if I was ever going to feel better and get back to my normal self. When you’re feeling that pain of losing someone, food doesn’t taste good. TV shows depress you. Your favourite places feel cursed because they bring back bittersweet memories. Life feels like white noise, and your every waking moment goes back to that feeling of loss and pain.

We’ve all been there, right? But there is a secret to emotionally recovering from a breakup, one that is shockingly simple but so crucial that if you forget to do it, you will inadvertently DOUBLE the amount of time it takes to get over your ex. See, most of us make bad decisions in a breakup. We drink to numb the pain, we have one-night stands with people we don’t care about, or we eat ourselves into oblivion with junk food.

It sucks now, I know. But it will get better, trust me…

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

36 Responses to The #1 Cure for Your Broken Heart

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  1. Maria Rossing says:

    Thank you

  2. charlotte.82 says:

    There is a gap in the market for advice on Short Relationships. All of the advice is for longterm relationships when they end, but short intense relationships that can end, can be as painful and quite interesting to look into. Has anyone seen advice on this topic as well as getting a short term ex back, as often you won’t have the arguments or negative memories, but you will have the sudden whirlwind that’s come to an end suddenly for whatever reason?

    • Anne says:

      I would agree with you. I just got blindsided with a guy who I was seeing for a month choosing someone over me 4 days after spending a great weekend with me.

  3. Kat says:

    Hi Matt,

    How are you? I tried to get in contact with you via your email address. What have you been up to? I’ve been following your videos ever since I was 15. It’s been a pleasure to see you grow over the years. I’m proud of the way you handle your business. Are you planning on coming to Australia some time in the future?

    Warm regards,
    Kat

  4. Maddie says:

    Thank you ;) that really helped, Feels good to know that somebody outhere Takes heartache serious.

    Greetings from Bavaria
    Wish you could have one of your retreats here.

  5. linda says:

    hi, what do I do? I am in friends with befits for two years its abit long distance but we meet up every few months. we went away for aweekend in york in uk . we where drinking and we where in a pub I am fed up arguing over him thiking I wanting him and into a relationship. he said I not wanting a relatoinship with anyone and his kids come first ad he not picking girls up I said I believed in him I was fed up and I wasnt looking a relationship I was wanting to loose contact with him. he came back with where in a relatetionship 3times and i said we are not and didt know what we where and we made up.i was on the phone and mention this I trust him but still working out what we are. O ok he said. being mary berry he was making bread that made so cross anyway he said he was listerning to me ,I said in text your right where in sort of relationship. he basiculy said where did you get that idea from so rely forget it. I am phoning him to tomorrow . I am not sure how he be or what I should say? I have due to go and booked tickets to london show with him.I have been heart broken over this

  6. Summer says:

    I felt compelled to find a way to let you know the time you took to make such a sincere video about this made a difference to me.

    I’ve never really been “touched” by something before.
    Towards the end of this video, when you explain that you really know how it feels, I believed you, and it was what I needed to hear.

    I don’t open up much to people close to me about stuff like this, so I’ve always found your blogs and messages to be helpful when I need this type of advice or guidance.

    I’m certain you get thousands of emails with everyone’s personal stories a day.

    I just wanted to tell you that you made a pretty solid impact on my day, and I appreciate how passionate you are about helping people.
    Thanks,

  7. Sarah says:

    This is what I really needed to watch and listen to, it has motivated me, as this is what I have been doing since I’ve got my heart really broken for the first time, although I have been in relationships before but I’ve always moved on so fast and never felt really heart broken, but the last one was so different, it felt so real, magical and everything was going great but all of the sudden after 8 months of dating-I know its not too long which makes me see the bright said of it- but he hurt me a lot when he said that he is not “in love with me” and he does not feel “the spark”, although he is the one who tried so hard to get me and to convince me to go on a date with him, he tried so hard to make me feel something for him, he was good and sweet with me and treated me so well. I am sure there is something that I have done wrong, but now I don’t even want him back all I want is a new proper relationship that lasts and makes me forget completely about him, the saddest part that he cut me off completely, its been 4 months now and he didn’t even bother checking if I am well or not as I live away from home and he meant to be something in this life I have away from home, he made me really feel like home, he introduced me to his parents, relatives and friends, he filled my life with joy and love, and then he just disappeared, I missed his face, his voice, his stories, I even missed his father the most as I used to enjoy chilling with him. I am working so hard on focusing on my future I started a complete new life style I joined afternoon classes as well as gym classes and I am focusing so much on succeeding in my studies, but at the end of the day I find myself missing him so much. I decided to let the time do the work as I did all I can do to get over him, sometimes I think of contacting him but I know I will get hurt even more, so yah this video has really pushed me to continue wha I am doing, now I know I am on the right path :D
    Thank you so much x

  8. Diane says:

    Thank you for this. I am coping after a 8 year relationship 4 months ago my ex left me bc he was tired and done. I was sucidal and even approached him. He told me to grow up and he still said no. He’s cold. He’s ignored me in public. He unfriended me. He broke up bc I missed his bros wedding due to finals. He even broke up with me the day before my finals on the phone. I still love him and I tried to fix us. I don’t know if there is hope and if not I need help to move on bc I can’t focus on anything else

  9. BBjoe says:

    I am selling one e-ticket for the live event of London 19th September. Unfortunately I could not attend. Please contact me if you wish to buy it;

  10. Belle says:

    Matthew,

    Your sincerity, honesty, and compassion is so incredibly apparent and more appreciative than I think you may realize. I love the way you articulate your advice and I am wholly grateful for the encouragement and support you continue to give those of us still trying to “figure things out.”

    Keep it up hun. You’re fantastic!

  11. Jadzia says:

    Hi Matthew,
    I really like your video, what you’ve said is true, but for me, that cure is only temporary. Is so difficult to forget. I’ve been trying my best to get over but I feel better only for a while.

    I think the only CURE for broken heart is: to find someone really really better than your ex before. But how to do it if you take a risk so many time, you meet with different guys and only what you do is comparison to your ex, because my silly brain only thinks that my ex is unrepeatable, obvious there is no the same person.

    • Laura says:

      Hi Jadzia, (Star Trek fan? :0)

      I’m just a fellow woman struggling through relationships, and I wanted say that your advice to find someone better than your ex doesn’t always work. I was with a man who was moving on from his ex (though I didn’t know at the time), and he outright told me how I was so much better and was about to take that step to love me forever. I was perfect for him. But, as soon as he was about to give me his heart, he realized that he still loved his ex deeply even though it was impossible for him to be with her. So he broke up with me because it was unfair to me, and he didn’t know how long it would take for him to get over her (or if he ever would, apparently their relationship was quite traumatic). Finding someone much better clearly didn’t work for him and broke me in the process.

      So here I am watching this video. My plan is to progress as Matt says, and slowly break my habit of constantly thinking of him and make new memories in our old spots so I remember those first and not the ones with him.

      Take care and good luck! xoxo

  12. Mandy says:

    Matthew,
    Have you seen the “Date-O-Nomics” book that just came out – about the gap between college educated men and women – and as the gap gets wider the younger people get? good read. I’d already resigned myself to being open minded and not requiring a college degree from every dude I date – but man, the stats are heartbreaking …

  13. Hadas says:

    OK now it’s official: you’re a genius !

    You’re absolutely the best Matt.

    Thanks again

  14. Hadas says:

    OK now it’s official: you’re a genius ! and cute..

    You’re absolutely the best Matt.

    Thanks again

  15. Tammy J Mc says:

    Hi Matthew

    I have a problem and I don’t think it can ever be fixed. I recently went out with a guy that I have know for about 30 years he is 4 years older than me divorced twice has kids and grandchildren. I have been divorced 1 and my next significant other were together 16 years. My marriage lasted 12. He contacted me 3years ago and other didn’t go out with them . Well this time I did. I really liked him I had a crush on him in high school. He is a teacher and I’m a medical assistant. We went out on our first date and went to a movie. He picked me up and dropped me off no goodnight kiss just the call me. Well we text back and forth then he invites me over to his house we watch tv and talk sitting on the couch together. No sex but goodnight kiss. 3rd date at his place we did sleep together. I stayed the night. Our next date he invites me over and cooks us burgers. We sit on the couch and had a glass if wine. We sleep together again. Ok so we continue texting and I posted a couple of things on his Facebook page one was a little racey said Last night I put bubble wrap under my mattress makes sex more festive. And the other was If midgets play putt putt us that regular golf to them . Well he sent me a text please don’t post things only Facebook page and unfriended me. Well I apologize and we talk a little more but he doesn’t respond much till I start to send him sexy fantasy/ dream texts. Well things just got really bad and he stopped responding at all. I of course was upset and did some really silly texts and drunk texting. I feel like I blew it with him and doesn’t seem like we can even be Friends. I do really like him and not sure if we can ‘ve more than friends. I know we would be great together given more time to get to know each other. I don’t think I showed him the real me just the immature me. Can this be fixed? His last text after my drunken foolish texts and my sincere apologies was to just leave him alone. Which I’m going to do. I hate that I’ve ruined what I feel could’ve been more but will be happy to be Friends again.
    Thanks for listening
    Sincerely
    Tammy Sad in Tennessee
    I really value any input I respect you and your work.

    • Tammy J Mc says:

      Matthew I left out the other large detail. On our 3rd date he says “I only have sex to offer” well that’s what pissed me off after thinking about it for awhile I got more and more angry and this fueled some of my responses and actions. I also had the I can change his mind idea. I am going to buy your program on payday. I just need to get my mindset straightened out.
      Thanks
      Tammy Sad in Tennessee

  16. Jenna says:

    Hi Matthew,

    Fabulous video. What makes it so fab is the obvious passion and belief that you have in the message you’re conveying. You’re very genuine and coming from a place of complete understanding and compassion. I felt quite emotional watching it.
    Thank you

  17. Julie MacKenzie says:

    I wish I would have seen that 6 years ago when I was going through my divorce…but you didn’t have your book or your show yet?? I went through my divorce 6 years ago…after 25 years of marriage…Yes, it was brutal! For me it was time…and yes…getting back on my feet financially…I was put on my financial *ss….I was a stay-at-home mom for 16 years out of the 25…I stopped work after our 2nd child…and our goal was for me to stay at home to raise our 2 girls…we didn’t want strangers to raise our kids…Just our philosophy…My Mom watched my first daughter after my first maternity leave from my job…then when we had our 2nd daughter…I stayed at home…I was lucky to have that choice..So…Fast forward…to 2006..when the marriage started to break down because of my husband’s love of alcohol…he turned into his Dad after 22 years…I didn’t want to repeat the cycle his Mom & Dad were living…so I told him to get help..or there would be no future in our marriage…I am NOT his Mom…I didn’t want to live like that! Verbally abusive…He was not like that up until the 22nd year of our marriage…It was intolerable….So, I told him to think on it and get back to me…He said he wanted a divorce..and I said OK..I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me….Plus, I didn’t want to be his verbal punching bag any more….The hardest thing I ever went through..but, I came through the other side of that dark tunnel…and it was very bright on the other side…It was heart-breaking…and it took me a long time to get over it and to get back on my feet financially…but, that is the kicker, right there…I am very happy, life is so sweet, and I have a very bright future…Love my job..it has come full circle..I am back at the job where I started when I was 19…I trained all the girls there with the exception of 1…and I LOVE MY LIFE! I have actually taken your advice…and have stepped outside my comfort zone..and am persuing a man…I have not ever been the chaser…only the chasee…and I have not dated in 28 years…This is all new to me…the gal asking the guy out….but, I did it..and I am persuing it…using your techniques…I hope I GET THE GUY! Thanks Matthew…You have been a GOD SEND….You have such great advice…And are so charming and so handsome (easy on the eyes) and I LOVE your accent…I could listen to you all day long….LOL! Cheers! Keep the great advice coming…I hope I get picked to go to your retreat in 2016…One Happy Girl after Heart Break..It can happen ladies…Take it from this old gal…well, the 50’s are the new 30’s….I always get mistaken for being 30, and I am 53…Get mistaken for being my daughters’ sister and not their Mom….Cheers! ;) <3

  18. Monique says:

    Matthew, thank you so much! I am always so pleased with the amazing information that is definitely needed and at the right times.

  19. Monique says:

    Matthew, thank you so much! I am always so pleased with the amazing information that is much needed and at the right times.

  20. Lori Woodward says:

    Thank you Matthew

    That is the best advice I’ve ever received

    I think you are incredible and have so much respect for you

  21. Sofia says:

    Lovely insight, I couldn’t agree more. Thanks for articulating this idea so beautifully.

  22. Melody says:

    Matthew, I am so grateful for you and always impressed with your logic and compassion. Thank you

  23. Zoe says:

    While he’s good with dating advise he keeps impressing with his depth and fresh perspective on things. His tips on handling challenges in life is priceless. Both him and Stephen are great life coaches.

  24. Julia says:

    Omg,thanks matthew because i really needed this right now and i could actually say that i feel much better after listening to your advice

  25. Musiclover says:

    Thank you soo much for this!! Abselutley one of the Best of your videos i have seen!!
    I an really heartbroken over a good friend of Mine did’nt have feelings for me, and i am crazy in love with him.. He left for a few weeks ago to live in China for six months and it is started to get really hard.. I keep thinking, all thouse questions about ehat i did wrong and how come i didn’t turn him on and that i for a moment really thought there was something between us because he hit on me at a party (witch he is a kind a person who NEVER really does that) first i started out By distracting myself, run away but hat just make me feel bad about myself and think there is something wrong with me. But i have ben practesing a song i song for just my parents. And they are someone who tell the truth and give mi good or bad response, and the response was amazing, witch make me feel happy and good about myself.. I Aldi allways practesing acting to se how i am to other people, to make myself better and it helps to. And skal Working out. Music, training and acting is really the Best medicin. Ride on a horse, because if you Want the horse to do what you Want you have to be present so i am allready feeling a big better.. THANK YOU!!!!!

  26. Nathalie says:

    Hi Matt,

    while I agree with your approach, I find that mourning should precede this “moving on” on our journey.

    We live in a time and culture in which we tend to push away negative emotions and experiences without really processing them. However, these are actually very rich opportunities for learning. Being with the pain, and some quiet reflection on the nature and true source of it can actually be cathartic :) In fact, I find this to be true for any kind of disappointment.

    But yes, by all means, AFTER that part of the process has been adequately honoured, take a deep breath, reassess the “where was I again in my life?”, and pick that up again ;)

  27. Jenny says:

    This is easily my favorite video that you’ve made. It’s so, so true, and it took me a long time to figure it out on my own. Thanks for sharing the advice to others.

  28. Jill says:

    Matthew,
    I can’t tell you how much I agree with this!
    I ended a 4 year relationship about 1.5 years ago. Just recently, I’ve gone on a few dates Buthelezi realized I am not ready yet to venture back into the relationship world. I’m enjoying being a little selfish and still taking care of me.
    I ended my relationship, not because love was lost between us, but because trust was lost. And it had nothing to do with cheating. Surprise, surprise!
    Trust, to me, is as important an element of a good stable strong relationship as love is. I struggled a great deal with the loss of this relationship, especially because it had been my choice, my decision.
    Everything in my life became boring. I’d watch tv, movies, live in my pajamas all weekend, rarely venturing outside. I’d turn down lunches, dinners, events with friends/family. I even stopped going to church. It seemed that every sermon was speaking directly to me about the mistake I’d made in ending my relationship. That was all in my head if course.
    About 9 months ago I got a promotion at work. With that promotion came an amazing opportunity. I was given the permission, the means, and the support to step into a new world professionally. This has allowed me to focus on progress in something I’m very passionate about. Facilitation of courses, training, and education. I’m now getting paid to work on and do something I love, something I was doing voluntarily in my last position. At the moment, I don’t even care if I’m in a relationship ever again! I’m finally happy again, confident, energized, eating healthier again, enjoying those family get together a instead of feeling like everyone is feeling sorry for me because I’m the only “single” cousin at the family dinner. I’m going out with friends again and even making new ones. I’m going country dancing because I love to dance, not with the intention to meet someone…but inevitably…I’m meeting very nice, attractive, fun people every time!
    I’m facilitating at my very first conference in two weeks. I’m so excited to see what this experience will inspire me to do next.
    Thanks for your message, I think I knew this, did it unintentionally anyway…eventually. But I could have faced it with more fierce intention and gotten here faster, I have no doubt of that.
    Jill

  29. Sarah says:

    Thank you for this very insightful video! Just what I needed. I recommend you all the time to people and this reminded me why. Keep up the good work Stateside and elsewhere. Sarah x

  30. liz says:

    A great post Matthew. And timely, thank you. The business of finding a way to progress after any kind of life event is the prime element of personal resilience – so necessary for us all to have in the modern world. Excellent advice, and the distinction between distraction activities and working on goals is really helpful. What a kind, valuable and empathetic post.

  31. UMA says:

    Hi Matt! how are you ?? I watched your video for #1 cure for broken heart. It’s worth ponder. I am doing exactly the same you mentioned in the video. But, you know what Matt, now that person comes to me and initiate conversation with me. He wants me to chase him which I will never.

    I’m in Pune, India now. He came to see me yesterday and How am I doing. I replied to him nicely and I asked about his daughters that how they are and stuff. And I stopped there. He still waited for me for more chat and left.

    Every time I come to Pune to see my ailing mother, his brother informs him about my arrival and he comes to see and talk to me. But, If I would do the same earlier, he would ignore me. Being tired of his such cheap and whimsical behaviour I ignore him completely. But, you know Matt, whenever he comes to talk to me that arouses my feelings about him after he leaves. I feel sorry for him as I ignore him because I like him. Tell me what to do???

    Thank you

    Uma

    • Jill says:

      Uma, your story makes me sad. I’m sorry you are going through this. I’m not going to try and tell you what you should do, you’re the only person who can choose that. But I encourage you to find the project that will help you focus. Find your positive energy. It sounds like this guy knows he lost a good thing but something is holding him back from fixing that. Pride maybe. Before worrying about his issues decide what you want. Do you really want another chance with him or is it just the good times you remember that make you consider that? How bad was the bad? Does he deserve you? If you decide that you don’t want him…then you already know what to do…tell him every time you’re coming and he will leave you alone!
      Good luck to you, I’ll keep you in my prayers!

  32. Marika says:

    THANK YOU for this video, Matthew!! I’ve been feeling heartbroken for a few months now and trying my best to get over it. I really liked your comment about missing someone the most when things are good. All summer I’ve been feeling sad whenever I was spending time with my family, being on vacation or doing something fun with friends. And only because I would always get that same thought in my head about wishing that the guy would be there with me. I have a couple of projects that I want to make progress on and I’m definitely going to take your advice and focus on them more. So thanks again for the video – I really needed it. You’re the best, Matthew! :)

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