Why You REALLY Need to Stop Caring What Other People Think

When I first started coaching at 18 years old, people had a LOT to say about why a kid like me thought he could tell people anything about dating. Over TEN years on and after reaching millions of people around the world, people STILL throw out their criticisms.

I had a viral video hit this week (over 16 million views in three days!), and sure enough, many of my new followers said: “Who the hell is this Matthew Hussey and why should I listen to what this young guy has to say??”

Comments like that used to worry me. These days, I smile and say: “Ah, this again.”

But if you’re STILL living in fear of the opinions of others, this is the video is for you…


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9 Texts No Man Can Resist

48 Responses to Why You REALLY Need to Stop Caring What Other People Think

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  1. Lea says:

    Cute T-shirt but it would look better in my bed.
    Papacito inteligente guapo que mas algun defecto debes tener

  2. Alisha Bates says:

    I’ve had an overwhelming urge to write my own material for years now, I have been putting up road blocks all the way. Never feeling worthy of having a career in writing, embarrassed to let people read my writing in case they think I’m weird and strange. I know I’m weird and strange and I love that about myself.
    I even started a book called speak your truth. I’d say I could have four books by now if I simply stopping worrying about other people’s opinions of me and just did it.

    Thank you for your inspiring video :)

  3. Ewoodie Mathis says:

    I’m Ewoodie. 73 yr old Black American woman . Everything you say is true. I stopped caring what other people think many yrs ago, and gave myself permission to be… . i became a teacher. Upon retirement i went to college again and got my DD and a masters in counseling. I’m presently counselling and rearing children of school age People said i was too old. I married a man 26 years younger than i and we are still together after two years.

  4. Xia Zhang says:

    Hey Matt,
    I’m Xia from China, and I watched your videos on YouTube by chance. And I thought they are amazing cos I really got inspired.
    Especially the one called “Why you really need to stop caring what other people think”. I do realise that I spend a lot of time waiting others’ permission. I guess this situation is everywhere here in China, because of our culture and society traditions, which made us need to be recognised by others.
    Also, the one ” It is never too late to live the life you really want” also impressed me. I think you are really convinced! After watching that video I started to learn swimming, which I always wanted to but never took an action. And I’m learning it quite well now:)
    I like your videos and would like to share it to my Chinese friends and fellows and other people if possible. However, many Chinese cannot understand English well without Chinese subtitles.
    I would like to put the Chinese subtitles by myself. I’m interested in translating great videos and I guess it’s what I want to try and carry on. Btw, I used to study in the UK so there is no worry that I cannot get the subtitles right.

    Hope you are doing well and would be appreciated if I can get a reply.

    Kind Regards,
    Xia

  5. louise says:

    Hi matt you make fuck you sound sexy.my name is louise you call me loise.i am married but the situation went dont like this i was dating Mr G for 3 year i beg i cry for the day he will married me that never come to a conversation.when i ask why he said i was already his wife while he was married already was waitting for all is paper to get situated.now we seem to understand each other never argued.i was living with him and his mom dad and sis we got alone fine .but that day never come for him to say lets talk what i want our future to be like.i gave him six month and he never said nothing so i left him.but still i felt he was my rid to die guy.i was friend with my husband now so my husband said to me well i like to married you.here i am begging my ex to married me and now this guy want to make me hos wife great wrong men i said.i told my x that this guy ask me to be his wife.he said nothing 2 months later i was married.i was still in love tho.we talk about i feel to married.but it was just that.than he ask me to help him finacaly he promise to pay the loan back he never did when i confronted him about the money his girlfriend was their he got in his car with her and back up his car in my car with my 8month old in the car.i didnt send him to jail because a part of me still was crazy about him plus him mom and i are great friend.i dont think going back with him ever again but a part of me still want to know why would he try to hurt me and my son.i was never mean to him i gave him 3 years of my life and mess up my credit because of him.i dont think i could even look at him in the eyes.how ever i know that he had ask to help me i said i dont need his help.but my husband seem to take adventage of my kidness you think i may be in the wrong path many time i tell my hisband when i get fed up i will take my son and leave.i still feel their is no one that is capable of seen me the way i see me or even more.i am not holding back but i am been cautious.its been7years since i am married i am still there because of my son.

  6. Kathleen says:

    Wonderful advice! I told my daughter the other day that if I could change one thing about my past would be to ignore all the naysayers and just followed my bliss. And I was the #2 naysayer – my own worst critic. Sometimes we just gotta get out of our own way! Thankfully it’s never too late to take what you learn and integrate into your life immediately. That’s part of what keeps life so interesting!

  7. Lucy says:

    I can definitely relate to this video. Now I’m 26 I look back at university and there are a few groups and activities I wish I had got involved in at the time. I sacrificed my own happiness when I was younger as I cared more about making my parents or bfs happy.

    I’m single now – I have a steady job and have built up my confidence by doing things like losing weight, running a half-marathon, getting involved in local causes and even modelling in a calendar.

    I want to date again but it can be hard being the only single one in my friendship group. Getting back to ‘what other people think’, I’m often too freaked out by dating. I feel bad when I have to reject a good guy when I know it won’t work out (stupid I know!). Sometimes a guy messages me and I freak out thinking “why would he be interested in me?”. I’m introverted and analytical. The self-critical voice often gets in the way when I am on dates. This video puts out a really good message so thank you for sharing it. :) It will be my inspiration as I try and get back out there.

  8. Thuraya says:

    What’s the percentage of those who criticized? That would interest me, because if so many don’t like what you say you wouldn’t be successful. And who said that Love Gurus have to be old? We need someone from our generation.
    Do you know how many times my parents tried giving me advice on something that would have probably worked 40 years ago? I don’t always go to the older ones for advice on love because though the concept is there their love culture is outdated. They still believe the woman should never make the move. Of course not all of them, but my point is. If anything, the fact that you’re young is anything but a disadvantage. That’s the way I see it.

    So cheers to you Matt.

  9. Kgomotso says:

    Thanks I needed to hear this. Fuckthem and their opinions. Pardon my french

  10. Laurie says:

    Thank you, Matthew, for reminding us that we should never let other people’s thoughts hold us back!! The only thing that matters is what I think of myself. :) My life is soooo different and soooo much better ever since I attended your retreat in San Diego 2014. And each year, my life keeps improving by leaps and bounds because I continuously apply what I’ve learned. It’s like the blessings multiply each year. I am truly grateful to you, your family, and your team. Much love and appreciation.

  11. Julia says:

    Not even three years out from attending your retreat in Florida (*yes, the Warrior continues to step forward! Thank you for choosing me :) I am amazed where my life is today! Deep, meaningful lessons contour to emerge. Thank you to you and your team for an incredible experience!

    Cheers. Julia

  12. Cynthia says:

    This is perfect advice. Thank-you!

  13. Paula says:

    One of your best videos yet. Really hit home. This is 100% on point. Thank you Matthew.

  14. Anne-Marie says:

    After voting “against the flow” in the organisation where I work, this came at just the right time. Thank you!

  15. Jai says:

    Touché Matt !

    That made me laugh.. *Eff You

    You’re right. You know it. xo

  16. Marta says:

    I truly needed this advice, i feel encouraged to go after what i want to do regardless of what anybody thinks. Thanks Matthew…you’re THE BEST coach ever.

  17. Kat says:

    Hi Matt, ‘Carpe diem’!! GTG!! Your own life examples are always so on point. Found happiness with the one I love a while after doing your retreat – so much to thank you for I can’t tell you.

  18. Onlyweardress says:

    OMG. I laughed and laughed! In anticipation, I’d taken out pen and paper to write down the tailored response!! Since “fuck you” is what I say in my head to all critical of my choices. Instead, I “explain.” Which is wrong. “None of your business” is also not what I say, but should.

    6 yrs ago, it was leaving my husband of 17 yrs. A verbally and emotionally abusive alcoholic. I’d reached out for help and was blown off by friends/family. Blown off then, criticized once I left. He was the only one who didn’t give me a hard time.

    6 yrs ongoing, it’s been about my “failure” to date. I’m “too choosy.” Really? All I’ve done is looked back at the traits which led to sadness, grave disappointment and intense frustration- in relationships in college, my first and second marriages. As well as what it is aboutr my male friends that keeps them as friends. What is it that does not make them attractive to me?

    Now, there’s the added dismay over my decision to leave where I’ve lived after 25 yrs and move to a different state. I’m “crazy.” It’s too cold, giving up my 19 yr partnership in my business, don’t know a lot of people there, and my age-54….etc etc.

    Maybe it’s because I need a change. Maybe I need new challenges. Maybe it’s because I have always felt something was missing. Maybe it’s because I need to be in a larger city and all it has to offer. Maybe it’s Philly’s proximity to NYC, Boston and DC? Maybe, after being in the South for 25 yrs, I’m ready to move back “home” to the Northeast. Maybe it’s because even my friends critical of my choosiness for men, acknowledge, that what I “need” in a man isn’t here. Maybe, to paraphrase the band Dawes, ” it’s a little bit of everything.”

    Recognizing that much of the critism is because people don’t want me to leave- they don’t want to lose me; which makes me feel very loved and very alone at the same time, my response is kind. But I know this, I don’t need anyone’s approval. It does help though to have my 85 yr old mother tell me how much she admires me for doing what I want.

  19. Vasiliki says:

    Keep being awesome coach and I will keep saying congratulations and follow your example, well… unless of course you decide to jump out of a plane without a parascute!!!

  20. Hafsa says:

    Really love the video u posted yesterday.You are so right Matthew and I definitely believe in you awesome.

  21. Mo says:

    Your nuanced response is PERFECT!!

    Love it – this is my favourite video of yours

    x

  22. Mara Pavan says:

    Good advice. Other people’s opinions only keep you in a place of being stuck. There is an art to being confident and owning your own abilities and opinions. It’s your life. Something I’m learning to do. I love your videos and blogs. They make me think.

  23. Miss cheryll hannant says:

    I dont care what anyone thinks

  24. Neethu Vimal says:

    Wow! I am so happy for you :) it proved that doing things consistently can give you or will definitely give you results. Lesson learnt. Thank you for motivating by showing us in real how it pays off to do little things with great dedication:)

  25. Gale Scaramuzza says:

    I think people who are mean to you, are triggered by their “wounds”. It really has nothing to do with you. If anything you’ve done them a service by letting them see what they can heal. Joseph Campbell said, “Where you stumble is your treasure.” You’ve given them a treasure. And Will.i.am sings in “Power”, “Who cares what the haters think, they hate on me cause we do what they can’t. BTW, you are adorable.

  26. Donna Solomon says:

    Matthew
    I’m sure you get this every single day but here goes. I adore you! I’m a 60 year old widow who has reinvented herself many times over since 8 years of age. I’ve never once asked for permission I’ve always been an opportunistic challenge and risk taker. Seven years after my beloved’s death I’m at it again! Moved 2200 miles to be where I feel my heart & soul needed to be. I couldn’t have been more correct! I love listening to you and every so often you tell me something I can really sink my teeth into. If you ever need a 60 year old woman to endorse your messages I’m your gal. I would gladly stand up and sing your praises I don’t care how young anyone thinks you are or how old they think I am. Age is a simple number. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? Age – irrelevant!! Carry on Matthew I love listening to you and my only question is since I’ve got powerful mojo and attract men by the dozens how do I find “the one” at this stage of life? I’m not worrying over it I’m having fun however my goal is to find the kind of cherishing I had for 30+ years. I’m thinking I’ll know when he appears.

  27. RA says:

    Although “strong language” isn’t for everyone, your use of it and the critical comments that continue to follow it here, beautifully illustrate the message in your video. Don’t change a thing. Well done!

  28. Lani says:

    Hi Matt and team,

    I think people are extremely scared about not fitting in and being alone. I am from a happy, stable and strong socio-economic background. Everyday I see people worrying about what other people think. fiends, family and colleagues!

    I am a very confident person. My person goal is to be ashamed of what I do and how I do it.
    If people do not know me then they do not see me a kind, caring and approachable. They now I friendly and fun-loving but they will not come and have fun with me and my friends.

    When you care too much of what other people think, then you run the rick of not having insight and the ability of how to read a situation.

    Congratulations on your viral video!

    Sincerely
    Lani
    P.S. Fuck in my mother tongue translated means subject like a school subject or filing divider. :-P

  29. Janice says:

    Hi Matthew

    I heard this quote just this week…
    HOW YOU SEE ME, HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME, it has everything to do with you’

    If only we could all have TRUE ‘self love’ I think it’s something that is so hard to achieve but it’s something that would make us and all of our relationships so much happier. if you have that belief and happiness within, you don’t need to look to anyone else to give it to you/complete you. PLEASE write a book on that Matthew (it could be called ‘Find Yourself First, then Get the Guy’ :)… I will be your first customer :)

  30. Sandra L says:

    That was most likely the most empowering message you have ever posted !

  31. Chris ford says:

    Thanks. When I first separated from my ex husband And was in the process of my divorce, he’d already moved in with a new woman and I found myself feeling guilty about dating again. I felt like I was cheating on him and when we were married he had an opinion on everything I said or did. Even while we were divorcing he’d tell me what a fool I was making of myself and how no one would want me. For a long time I still unconsciously ran everything I did through his filter, and held back on my life. Then it was the court. He’d threaten to use any wrong move I made in the court to try and get my child away so I lived like an angel for fear of anything being twisted and used sgainst me. I just booksd a trip to europe w my daughter and even now I heard in my head his criticism of how can I afford it and if I can then why ishe paying child support. But then i pushed his “two cents” out of my head and said I really dont care whst he thinks. You just helped me remind myself of that. I will def think about coming to your retreat

  32. Deborah says:

    I loved this video and I love your videos where you step away from dating and move into other fields. I am not saying I don’t like your dating / relationship videos. I DO!!! but these others are really great. I guess I am learning that when you are a whole person the dating stuff falls into place more easily and effortlessly. (:-)
    Thank you – you have really inspired me the past 3 months.

  33. Jordan says:

    Matt, don’t lower your own standard with the unnecessary swearing. You’re so articulate you can get your strength of feeling across without it,

  34. Orsi says:

    Hey Matt, you are GREAT! I appreciate you so much! You’ve helped me in my personal life as well as in my love life. You can’t please everybody, and I’m so happy you started coaching :) Whoever doesn’t like whatever they can work their own issues. I’m using your confidence notes to be able to start my own business now. And i found a great guy! So: YOU ROCK! x

  35. Julie MacKenzie says:

    You Rock Matthew Hussey! I am so glad I went to The Retreat! It was a life-changing experience…& I met the best people…You, All your support staff…& the amazing ladies I met….I am so glad I did it for myself..
    The only thing I missed…was meeting your Mum…but, due to the circumstances…totally understand…;) <3 Cheers!

  36. Emma says:

    Matthew, thank you. I really needed that kick up the ar*e! Can’t wait for the Retreat – see you soon!

  37. Kitty London says:

    Brilliant advice.
    I was a doubter at first but you PROVED yourself to me, and gained my trust.
    But please stop hard selling the retreat so often because it’s so out of reach for most people and always in the USA.

  38. Ali says:

    Actually- I think it’s terrific that you started so young Matthew..it means you are a motivated man with a lot of room for growth- both personally and professionally. You are a spot on relationship advisor!

  39. Donna Allen says:

    Awesome! Thank you so much Matthew. I really need to take up this advice.
    At 51, I am following my dreams of being a Holistic Practitioner, but after 9 professional qualifications, I still hold back as some people think what I do is woo woo stuff.
    I REALLY need to express myself as eloquently as you do.
    Very cathartic!!
    Thanks again :)

  40. Carolina says:

    You are so passionate about helping others it’s ridiculous
    I can’t thank you enough for the support you have given me over the past years

    Your friend, supporter, admirer

    Carolina

  41. Oksana says:

    Matt, please keep doing what you are doing for at least a year, I’ve got a small baby now so I can’t join your events. But you are the very reason I have this baby because you saved my marriage! Now things are great and that’s just after watching your videos, I cannot even imagine what it would be like if I ever attended one of your retreats. You are an angel sent to us from above! God bless your parents and the rest of your family!!!

  42. Wendy says:

    Love you, Matt, but language. You’re classier and more articulate than that.

    • Sydney says:

      I thought it was funny.

    • Katie says:

      I think your comment kind of emphasises his point haha. He can swear in his videos because it’s his decision to make. He’s obviously done it for a reason and that is none of our damn business :)

    • Liz says:

      He does not need your permission :-D

    • Syn says:

      Agree Wendy. While I don’t particularly care for it, It keeps me from sharing his work with other people.
      When I have naysayers in my business I just look them straight in the eye and say: “Awww…. Well bless your little heart.” It’s the most classic way to say F.O. with out actually saying it. And EVERYBODY knows what your saying. :)

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