Every Man Dating A Woman In Her 30s Must Watch This

This is one of the most important videos I’ve ever made for BOTH men and women, one that I hope you’ll truly take on board if you’re currently dating a guy and aren’t sure where things are going in your relationship.

Please share this message with anyone you think needs to hear it…


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70 Responses to Every Man Dating A Woman In Her 30s Must Watch This

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  1. Laura says:

    Saccrafice is the greatest love of all… Thanks

  2. Valeria says:

    I think if a man doesn’t love a woman, has surely to leave her to pursue her dreams, but a man who loves a woman stays with her and create a family. Otherwise it’ not love.
    So what is “If you love her, leaver her”??
    Non sense.

  3. Precious says:

    Thank you, Matthew, for sharing this message & information. I hope everyone who listens will understand that humans ought to be treated with respect & dignity. I wish most guys had half the manly dignity you have for women. Keep doing the good work!

  4. Ava Belle says:

    This is the single WORST video to EVER happen to me !!!! I was in a loving relationship of a year – I had moved from Autralia to Amsterdam to be with my boyfriend. We were living together and building a life together, talking about kids and marriage. We were working on making it work even though it was a tough transition for me moving to a foreign city.
    We are both 33 and I freaked out and after watching this video and then felt the need to make him watch just to “make sure” we were still moving in the right direction and heading towards kids in the next few years. WELLLL he freaked out BIG time, broke up with me couldn’t get past the idea that I was putting major pressure to have kids right away and now we are broken up, I’m back in Autralia (living with my parents) and heartbroken missing him desperately. I’ve never had a sadder blubbering airport goodbye, we are still very much in love – we talk ever few days and text but now I am in no mans land wondering what the hell happened ???? And what to do now ???

  5. Diana says:

    I wish we could get this post out to everyone. It is the most loving thing one can do and we can get so jammed up in our feelings and attachment. As a woman who doesn’t want children and dating a younger man who does, I had to do the same thing. His desire to have children is very important to me and I want him to have it. He has had a hard time letting go but we’ve done it with love and care.
    I was dating a man in a similar situation – but she had broken off the relationship (he has grown children and even now grandchildren) in order to find someone she can create that with. They’ve had a hard time detaching and have stayed close, but I think he hasn’t been strong enough to usher her away from the attachment , yet. They both know the truth but it is really hard.
    Another concern that all men have and it’s not unfounded, is a woman getting deliberately pregnant. The most wonderful women have done this- it’s no myth. I’ve known a few and these are women I love. They are not proud of having done it and they will live with such guilt forever. A man MUST protect his reproductive rights if he does not want to be a father. It’s the only way to keep his choices his and there is only 2 ways to do it. Never give someone else the control over that right. Birth control pills don’t fail- they do when they are not taken as prescribed ( lots of women forget and skip a couple days by mistake) or when the woman deliberately takes them incorrectly.

  6. Rikuvera Kauandenge says:

    I really appreciate what you are doing for us, keep it up

  7. J says:

    Matt, one word, just one word I want to say about your post.

    RESPECT

    You are amazing. Thank you.

  8. Marie says:

    Matthew Hussey, you are a really good guy. I really appreciate your perspective on these kinds of things, as well as other advice you give. So many sources on the Internet just aren’t safe spaces for women to be reading. Thanks for what you’re doing.

  9. April says:

    Powerful message Matt.

    Thank you for keeping it real and speaking about a matter that speaks to the heart. I love kids, have always wanted 1 or 2 of my own and have had plenty of experience with them over the past few years as an English teacher. As I am now in my mid-30s and actively dating, I have been thinking about this topic a lot lately. It’s definitely something that can be difficult to talk about, let alone bring up to a new guy, but you are so very sincere and real with this message.

    I’ve read your book multiple times this summer and it’s one of my favorite items on my bookshelf. I am taking your advice very seriously as I am dating and respect your ability to deliver sound advice with class, intelligence and compassion for readers.

    Thank you so much.

  10. Laetitia says:

    This is a beautiful and brave message. As other have said, it goes both ways, and more emphasis should generally be put on the fact that men’s fertility declines, too. But it is so refreshing to have this matter addressed in a sensible and sensitive way.
    I have broken up with a man I loved deeply for this reason. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, and I’ve questioned it sometimes. But at the end of the day, no regrets: staying with someone I love and giving up on my dream would have meant not loving me enough, and would ultimately have made him miserable, too. What has saddened me most, however, was the assumption I have sometimes encountered, that I’d supposedly just be looking for a sperm donor, and that I didn’t love him enough if I did not stay with him unconditionally. I’ve never understood how one could banalize the wish to have a family that way, or how a person would ever be expected to stay in a relationship (not love: stay!) unconditionally.
    Thank you, Matt, for putting some healthy and loving ideas out there.

  11. H says:

    Let’s open this once and for all – a lot of women in their 30’s, I would say especially 34-40 really want to start a family, and yes they are in some kind of pressure because of the time frame, they have to be responsible for their lives if they want kids, but still it doesn’t mean that they doesn’t want a loving relationship with a true partner. This is the same thing as guys want. So women won’t settle on love just to have a kid right now (usually), but they can’t afford themselves to “waste time”.. That’s how I feel..

    • H says:

      By the way, in many many cases those girls wanted to have love, relationship and family much earlier in their lives and did a lot to try to achieve that, but with years, and with the age, when it didn’t happen after all, the pressure began..

  12. Ha says:

    Well done Mathew!! You are the best! You understand women so well and with such a sensitivity.. As always.. Thanks!

  13. Lisa says:

    Thank you for this. I never knew I wanted children till now and I’m 36. The worst part of it is that I was the one that was not sure in my past relationship of 7 years with someone. It’s been 4 years since the split and now the pressure is on and I haven’t even found someone. It’s a heartbreaking matter. Especially considering the fact that I’m a big believer in adapting to the person your with before you have a child.

  14. Stephanie M says:

    That is something that I’ve been waiting to hear addressed for a while. May I ask what was the inspiration behind it? It puts a true face to what a woman feels without making us look like some kind of manipulative she devil that tricked a man into domesticity. It the most honest expression of what some of us in our 30 s want without feeling guilty for it.

  15. Sarah says:

    Thanks for bringing up this important topic, Matthew. At the same time, I take issue with the way our society frames age of conception as a strictly maternal issue, when the age of paternity is being increasingly found to be associated with higher rates of miscarriage, illnesses, etc. Yes, encourage these important conversations and consider both people’s desire to have children (or not), but encourage men to consider their age relevant, as well. There will still be men who have “Peter Pan Syndrome,” thinking they can delay fatherhood indefinitely even if it’s something they eventually want, but hopefully some of them could be a little better informed about the risks of delaying, just as women must consider.

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2566050/

  16. Raquel says:

    Beautifully worded, thank you Matt for caring about our happiness. I hope to find someone like you.

  17. Jeanne says:

    Bravo! Well stated. Thank you, Matthew.

  18. Hafsa says:

    I am 27 and the problem is that I want to settle down with him.But not so sure if his work is more important then me.I love him so much don’t want to lose him.

  19. Cathy says:

    Thanks Matt xox

  20. Lucy obaro says:

    Matt you did this soooooo right. This is the most of support I have ever gotten.
    God bless you Matt. Keep up the good work.
    Thank you.
    Lucy.

  21. Nicole Joette Nelson says:

    By far the kindest and wisest video I’ve seen…thanks Matthew.

  22. Rashid Majeed says:

    Beautiful.this is the most genuine advice.i followed the same principa , both of us are very happy , she is spending a very beautiful life.i am so happy to see her smiling.

  23. Amy says:

    This is fantastic! Pure truth! If she wants kids and you don’t, break up with her. If you want kids but he doesn’t, break up with him. It’s the only way. Lives are RUINED every day because people who didn’t really want to be parents, ended up with kids. Anyone who isn’t intensely interested in spending a few decades parenting should skip it.

  24. Brenda says:

    Thank you Matthew for being man enough to speak this. I have sought to share as much with my former… (Who is with a girl, in her 30’s and his Jr., never been married and never pregnant). My former has 6 children (by me) through marriage. Children and marriage are what he now mandates she deny herself that she might be with him carrying on in my family where I once was (with a different noose around her neck).

    I finally discerned my experience with him (her and my children) to be narcissistic abuse as he played them as his pawns. I was in psychic, spiritual and emotional shock! Already I had been through so much I no longer had the juice to keep fighting the (illusions) of storm and sea he sought to wage upon me as though I “should” be grateful. As these wars and vendettas were his proof to me of his love… GAG!!! They were NOT.

    Should I have known this term before I divorced (and on the earlier onset) I would have removed my children from their father’s presence as i removed myself. Seeing as how these encounters happened on “his” weekends… I didn’t believe the law (which is screwed up) would support me.

    I don’t know what woman in her “right” mind would step into another woman’s family as though she didn’t exists… All because she’s having “sex” with her ex and call themselves “in love”….

    Writing this alone sickens me. She spends her money and her time with my children and my family (even my extended family) as though I never existed…

    I refuse to be near them and I will only attend my children’s public events open to the general public.

    She claims to not want children and to be fine with “never” marrying though she proposed to him before she came to terms with his mandate of her. Supposedly, this is both of their BEST relationships ever! (GAG!)

    And, what I know of my former… He is only into women who have within them a maternal instinct having been terribly wounded by his own. He also has the proclivity of mandating women exploit their own heart and soul in the ways he knows them to be “virginal”.

    So, like I said, thank you for speaking up! As I am pegged as being “crazy”, “jealous” and having not a clue about what I speak…

    I have been hurt and I allowed myself to be taken advantage of. I’m still alive and that was a choice I had to make because I was prepared and willing to die should I have believed that option to be best for my children.

    It is not. And, quite honestly, I was doing everything in my power to see to it that their father was not taken out of this world in what could otherwise have been considered… An untimely death…. With how he pushed himself (and me) in the living of his life…

    Yes, I was VERY ANGRU and hurt for a long time…. I am now recovering and beginning to build a life I can want to share with my children and family.

    I have 5 daughters and 1 son. I want better for my children and they deserve as much! And as much as I don’t and have not wanted my formers “person” in their lives. She deserves better than what she has settled for. My children and my family are NOT and CANNOT be hers.

    I did the work and my creation came from my heart, my soul, my body and my consciousness. Not hers.

    My ex is a fool! And, I was a fool to step in the ring with him as he played out his boxing match (against “God”) on me. I have further been a fool to allow it to progress to what it became.

    My children will have their own initiation processes to go through as we all heal and come into Who (and what) we ARE. Love, purity, consciousness and LIGHT.

  25. Cassie says:

    Beautifully spoken. Thank you.

  26. Amy says:

    This goes both ways. I’m a 41 year old female, and I don’t want kids and never have. Many of my relationships have ended because the guy I’ve been dating knows that he wants to be a father someday. I’m curious where all these guys who don’t want kids are because I can’t seem to find any of them.

  27. Reta.kelly says:

    Sometimes these women are more interested in a sperm donor than a husband. Men beware.

  28. Julie says:

    The unfortunate thing is that even though men may not feel the same pressure, their biological clock is ticking too. It’s possible for men to father children at later ages, but for the average guy fertility start to drop around much the same age as for the average woman AND their older age can affect the health of not only the child but potentially also the health of their partner during the pregnancy.

    Not as well publicized or studied as it should be, and unfortunately again, that often seems to be because society likes to heap as much judgement on women as they can when it comes to anything to do with children, and any research done in the area of reproduction will often be reported with that skew.

    Food for thought if you don’t want kids and you’re dating a guy in his 30s who does.

    • ME says:

      Wonderful reply!!! Thank you!!

    • Boo says:

      I also thank you for this response. I have all the same thoughts, but likely would have expressed them less kindly.

      The current autism surge is almost completely caused by men deciding late in life that they want children. (Even having them with a younger wife doesn’t prevent the problem.)

  29. Tamara says:

    Hi Matthew

    Thank you so much Matthew, for this loving, honest message! It is a serious and so truthful thing about women wanting/waiting for that moment, getting a family. And we, women, have a sertain timeframe for that to happen. Thanks for backing us up with and being so open about this. It brings me too tears.. So breakable.. What a strong message brought with kind, upright, honest and sencire words and feelings. It just might be the thing I’m struggeling with and probably why I’m so sencire and serious right now.. What an eyeopener..

    Love, Tamara

  30. Lani says:

    I believe this to be true for women as well. As a single mother of two teenage girls, the last thing I want to do is have another child. I have met many great men in my search for true love, but I had to let them go for this very reason. If there is a GLIMPSE that one day they “might” want a child, it’s time to say thanks and good luck. Love is action. Sometimes that means letting go so they can have their dream life. If you take that from someone, the resentment they could have later could be devastating. It’s always best to exit when you know it won’t be you….
    Good piece Matt!

  31. Candy Kaiser says:

    BRAVO!!!!! Brave, brilliant, beutiful man.

  32. Karyn M. says:

    Thanks Matt,
    This brings another question to mind. I’m 35 going on 36 never married and I want kids. Ten years ago I wouldn’t have thought about bringing up asking if my dating partner wanted to have kids until I knew we were in a serious committed relationship. Now, every month that goes by is a lost opportunity for me to have a family, at least that is a bit how it feels.

    So, how do I date without scaring guys off, by bringing up the subject too early. I wouldn’t bring it up on the first date! Don’t you worry about me there. But when is a good time?
    For example the last guy I dated, he casually mentioned about a month into our relationship that he wasn’t sure if he wanted to have kids. I wasn’t used to bringing up the kids conversation until much later down the line, but I was in my 30’s, the last serious relationship I had been in, we broke up because I wanted a family and he didn’t, I didn’t want to give my heart away again to someone who wants different things than I do. I said, “Hey, you mentioned this a few days ago and it got me thinking. Kids are something that I want. It’s not a maybe for me. If that isn’t something you want then maybe we shouldn’t continue our relationship. You don’t have to know that you want them with me, yet if you know you don’t want kids at all, then I need to know so I can move on.” He admitted that conversation was one he wasn’t expecting to have so early in our relationship. We broke up for other reasons…
    So, what if the guy I’m dating doesn’t mention it early on like my ex did? How do I bring it up or ask the question without him thinking I’m going to poke holes in the condom?

    Thank you Matt!

    • Zari says:

      Hi Karyn, great question! I like to gauge where a man is in his life by trying to be friends with his heart and asking questions that may seem awkward but are none the less real to me and to ask as early on in a relationship as possible. We’re not going to waste time just dating around if we are sincerely looking for someone who has similar goals, right?
      Here’s what I ask, “How do you invision your life to be in ___years? And “what are you doing to achieve those goals in that time frame?” Or “what’s the most challenging part in achieving those goals?”
      You get to know where his heart is and then piggy back off his answers to get to know him on a deeper level.
      If one of his goals isn’t “marriage” or “kids” and he’s being vague in his answers or flat out says he doesn’t know then there you go! Why waste time vein around someone who’s not all together yet?
      I’ve even had one guy tell me he’s looking for a “partner in life,” which sounds amazing but would then say he’s “not interested in marriage any time soon” and didn’t explain in detail that what he wants is “a partner who will go 50/50 on his business plan.” That revelation came out a couple of months later of wasting my time working on that business plan while he had other business plans arranged with other women. Not cool! But here’s the male version of what the gold digger looks like.
      Hope this helped you out, take care!

    • Zari says:

      Hi Karyn, great question! I like to gauge where a man is in his life by trying to be friends with his heart and asking questions that may seem awkward but are none the less real to me and to ask as early on in a relationship as possible. We’re not going to waste time just dating around if we are sincerely looking for someone who has similar goals, right?
      Here’s what I ask, “How do you invision your life to be in ___years? And “what are you doing to achieve those goals in that time frame?” Or “what’s the most challenging part in achieving those goals?”
      You get to know where his heart is and then piggy back off his answers to get to know him on a deeper level.
      If one of his goals isn’t “marriage” or “kids” and he’s being vague in his answers or flat out says he doesn’t know then there you go! Why waste time being around someone who doesn’t have it all together yet? It’s fun to date him but ask yourself whether that person is providing you the kind of joy you want to build a life with?
      I’ve even had one guy tell me he’s looking for a “partner in life,” which sounds amazing but would then say he’s “not interested in marriage any time soon” and didn’t explain in detail that what he wants is “a partner who will go 50/50 on his business plan.” That revelation came out a couple of months later after wasting my time working on that business plan of his, while he had other business plans arranged with other women. Yes, I fell for his ambitious nature but didn’t see it as a hindrance until later. Not cool! But here’s the male version of what the gold digger looks like.
      Hope this helped you out, take care!

  33. Agnieszka says:

    Matthiew… this goes from your soul and is wonderfull. I feel so happy to have heard this tonight.

  34. Ally says:

    What a lovely video message. Thanks Matt! x

  35. muri says:

    you are so lovely, Matt <3

  36. Londoner says:

    Wow Matt, you brought tears to my eyes acknowledging what we have to deal with. Men really need to understand how it feels for us to have a ticking clock. We’re not psychopaths who want to tie a man down immediately, we’re women with a biological clock and the threat of never being mothers if we don’t meet a wonderful man soon enough. Thank you for your continually wise and insightful words. I just hope enough men see this through the forest of women you reach!

  37. Marie Cairns-Berteau says:

    I’d like to respond to the latest video, every man dating a woman in her thirties must watch, and I’d like to clarify something: yes we women have a biological clock, and yes I have personally
    struggled with wasting time with a guy in his forties when I was in my late thirties and he wasn’t sure/ready/solvent enough to want kids yet. However, after doing research and seeing a fertility specialist, I was told (by the male doctor) that men shouldn’t wait too long either, as their sperm count drops, slows down and older fathers having children increases the Child’s chance of being schizophrenic or autistic by almost double after a certain age. So it’s not just women who have to worry about the ticking clock. Just wanted to make that clear. Thanks!

  38. Jaqueline says:

    Dear Matthew,

    I love that you had the balls to talk about this topic. This happened to me. Even if men don’t watch this video, it lets us women understand what a real man should do. Some men can string us along even if at the beginning a woman has made it clear they want a child. Before you know it girls, your time is up and you have been dating (or in my case married to) a selfish-nice guy. By the way, what kind of relationship will you have in the long run with a guy like that. I left… with my dream and now have a wonderful two year old daughter. Leaving what up to now has been the biggest love of my life was extremely hard. Yet, when I hear my daughter laugh, it was honestly a no brainer!

    I’m so happy Matt, that you are letting women everywhere know how real this issue is. I love your work babe! Truly Matt, thank you for all you do. We are blessed to have you.

  39. J says:

    Dear Matthew,

    I love that you had the balls to talk about this topic. This happened to me. Even if men don’t watch this video, it lets us women understand what a real man should do. Some men can string us along even if at the beginning a woman has made it clear they want a child. Before you know it girls, your time is up and you have been dating (or in my case married to) a selfish-nice guy. By the way, what kind of relationship will you have in the long run with a guy like that. I left… with my dream and have a wonderful two year old now. Leaving what up to now has been the biggest love of my life was extremely hard. Yet, when I hear my baby laugh, it was honestly a no brainer!

    I’m so happy Matt that you are letting women everywhere know how real this issue is. I love your work babe! Truly Matt, thank you for all you do. We are blessed to have you.

  40. Monica says:

    Alright now I heard and agree with Matt 100%. We as women and men have to set the boundaries from the beginning. If you know he/she doesn’t want children at this point you must cut him loose. There are so many opportunities out there and if the one person that you care about is not on the same page, you are setting your heart up to be hurt in the end. I am 47 and never regretted letting the one that I cared about go when he had a different outlook on the future. I enjoyed the time spent and respected the time shared, but always remained true to what I wanted and expected when it came to children. Be brave. Be true to yourself and to your partner and things will go so much smoother when it is time to part ways. I promise you a relationship that has set the boundaries from the beginning will be appreciated by your partner and you will be relieved to know that you were strong enough to be honest with them. Hugs and kisses from someone who has been through the heartbreak but prevailed becuase I knew what I wanted to begin with.

  41. natalie says:

    Thank you for issuing the call: “Be brave enough and courageous enough to leave, if you know you’re going to be denying someone a shot at their dreams”.

    Love and friendship in action!
    Whether it’s about having kids or a vocation, you nailed it!
    xox

    ps. Love the “Paintball vs live ammunition”, analogy!

  42. M says:

    Thank you so much for posting this! I am a woman in my late 30s and a year ago broke up with a man I was deeply in love with who wanted to marry me whom I wanted to marry for precisely this reason. When we started dating he thought he would be ready, but by the end, things had changed in his life and so had his time line.

    So often, I have regretted leaving because there was so much good & I am still tempted by him, but I want so badly to be a mom and it was nice to get the reassurance that I made the right decision to leave.

  43. Monica says:

    Got it fixed..much better now.

  44. Monica says:

    There is no voice audible to the video….WTF? :-p why my friend?

  45. Susan Davis says:

    Women who are a bit older in the dating game have a different problem to consider — Dating men who have not had a family and might want one.

    If you are a woman who has already hit that half-century mark like me, having children most likely isn’t on your mind. We might already have grown children and more than likely will be meeting men who have their own children also (whether grown or not).

    However, I think part of the problem we older women have with finding high-value dates the same age as us is because most men do wait until they are much older to have children and look for relationships with younger women who can support their desire to have a family.

    It is up to all parties in every relationship to be honest about what they want and — like Matt said — know their desires well enough and be brave enough to let go of the relationships that are not going to provide them with what they need to feel whole.

    • Monica says:

      You hit the nail on the head. It just works out better when you enter a relationship knowing what you want and knowing his desires. I guess it comes with experience and I hope the younger generation can understand Matt’s message.

  46. Shirley says:

    Mathew that was a brave subject to tackle.I married a man much younger than me.He wanted children and thought he could be strong enough to forsake them because I couldn’t have them.Ultimately I could see and tell it demolished his dream not being fulfilled. We did part ways,very difficult,but each person has to realize and accept the facts and accept the reality not what we wish.

  47. Leann says:

    Thank you for posting this!!

  48. Surey says:

    Thank you. Well said. :)

  49. Anne says:

    Oh Matt. Thank you. Some of the comments showing up are about how this is the responsibility of a woman. I think that you are trying to address a reality. Men do “string along” women, sometimes because it’s convenient and sometimes because they honestly don’t know what they want.
    I wept through your video. I am 41 and grieving that I will never have a child of my own. My 14 year marriage ended at an age when the window was just closing. The reality of the time it takes to heal from that, find another partner and have a child in the space left was just unrealistic. My ex-husband placated me for years by claiming that his intention was for us to have children. Month after month, year after year, he found ways to delay, to literally sabotage the possibility. (For example, he wanted to wait until we were married and established in our own home and stretched and stretched that with excuses and delays until it ultimately took EIGHT years. He would then be sick or injured or traveling when I was ovulating, feign temporary impotence… it goes on and on.) I was fully invested in him and our marriage and truly believed that he had a dream of fatherhood. He pretended to be loving and kind and supportive. I didn’t see the whole picture from the outside until much later. He was a gifted pathological liar and emotional manipulator, using me financially and for a home base sense of security while prolonging his adolescence. Ultimately, I discovered that he was having affairs behind my back and was crushed, broken to learn that he impregnated two of them. I AM a woman of strength and standards and got out but was already nearing the end of my thirties… Of course, as others have commented, I could adopt (if I find a willing partner – parenting is a tag-team sport that I don’t think wise or practical to approach on my own.) Adoption takes time and is expensive and and it’s a serious decision to initiate parenthood at middle age.
    My point is that yes, men DO have to take into consideration what they could be taking from a woman whom they choose to occupy during those crucial child bearing years. I’m sure in some cases women find themselves becoming a “weak, dependent person” as one person commented but it’s also true that men can be selfish, dishonest, manipulative, live in denial, etc… I’ve never once seen a message like this to men. Thank you Matt.

  50. Julie MacKenzie says:

    Wow! You hit the nail on the head again Matthew! I am certainly past this “time clock” age…I have been married (25 Years)…have had my family (2 adult aged gals now)…and now I am in that last chapter in my life…& I am loving it! I truly feel empathy for all the young gals…& experienced this at The Retreat in May in Ft. Lauderdale…What a kind video to post…You have really made a very sincere, true, valid point! Thanks for sharing that! I hope that helps all the young men & young ladies in this age group! You are fantastic! Even you are in this age group….;) Great advice! Keep it coming! I look forward every week to a new video! Hugs!

  51. Hazel says:

    Hi matt,
    Im a victim of being cheated by my husband. I caught him 9 times since we got married. He did cheat on me once when we were gf&bf relationship. I thought that mybe f we got married things wil be different. I keep forgiving him until recently, he did again with three prostitute. NOW, he is begging of forgiveness and constantly sending messages that he was sorry and that he loves me. We went to marriage counselling but stil CANT DECIDE. Im already 40 and scared of regreting the decision to make if i will divorce him. Pls help….

  52. Rebecca says:

    Hi Matthew, wow what a powerful message. I’m on the other side of this at the moment. I’m 41 and just got pregnant with an amazing guy. After leaving the one that strung me along. It’s worth it. Take the leap Xxx

  53. Nora says:

    I can now say for a message like this is appreciated from my perspective, thank you for that message… Myself at 48, not interested in any more wee little ones other than my grand babies… It’s cool to see and hear Anyone in this day and age speak respectfully toward ppl in general. I deal with the general public daily to watch how males in general treat their women and watch how those women accept some of the disrespectful ways they are treated. It shouldn’t matter to myself personally but, from the outside looking in I am so disappointed to see some of the couples, the way they act toward each other. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying only men are like that, just speaking from my own personal experiences as the woman in a world where infidelity, chivalry have become a very rare trait and morals in general have fallen to a level where I choose not to date because maybe my abrasive side displays my very self protective mode as a female, only because my own growth as a person. I am very opinionated that’s something I work on in myself ( my mouth tends to spout off) for me it’s the way society has no regard to others any more. The me, me, me and ‘I’ all of the time. I am single & choose to be because of my own pass experience. It was the one male that has broke my spirit as a much younger version of me. Anymore, I just have the mindset of if I choose to be with any man he has to be very respectful of the fact that I am the gift to add to his world, & it’s a luxery that very few have got to enjoy any of my time. It’s my way of living. I am the jewel if he dares look upon my gracious presence. I’m not trying to say I’m above anyone, just show me respect, chivalry, fidelity, if love is part of that equation then love me, it can be returned to the lucky man one hundred percent… I just live my life day to day. I work cause I’m spoiled, meaning I like the shelter from the elements, and utilities to stay comfortable in my home… I have grown children with plenty grand children to enjoy if I ever feel that need of have the potter patter of little feet around me… As I go on so… Lol. Just wanted to thank you for a message I rarely ever hear.

  54. Yoka says:

    This is a very warm-hearted appeal to both sexes to consider an issue that is very real to many – cheers! I’m a woman in my late 40s who has not yet found a man with whom to form a long term relationship. Do I want children? At this ripe age, perhaps like many men, I’m still not sure, to be perfectly honest. Is it too late for me biologically? Perhaps, but I’m not all too bothered by it, as the issue you raise puts a spotlight on a huge elephant in the room:

    In an age where overpopulation is wreaking havoc on the planet in numerous ways, the socially responsible thing to do is to adopt, even if you can get pregnant. Beliefs that you would love an adopted child less are unfounded, and wanting simply to spawn off your own DNA is pure vanity in today’s context, in my humble opinion. If you are not willing to adopt, then perhaps you do not really want children that much at the end of the day?

    Also, there’s a lot of research pointing to the gap in fertility age being less exaggerated than once thought. If there is any chance of getting pregnant at my age, I’d have better chances pairing up with someone younger than me (which I already do anyway, not because I fancy younger men, but because there are far more unhitched men in their 30s).

    I also feel that a woman’s “ticking biological clock” is not all that biological; there are cultural and social pressures placed especially on women inducing them to want to fulfill the motherhood role in their lives. More women need to be aware that these social pressures exist, lest they make a huge mistake in their lives that impacts more than just themselves. But a woman is certainly no less a woman because she does not bear children, and she should not perceive herself as such.

    In light of the above I’m not sure if I feel that the child issue in itself is enough to justify a breakup in a relationship that is otherwise great. Then again, if important issues like this are not being discussed in the relationship, then perhaps it is not perfect. To be sure, if one partner knows with absolute certainty that they will never want kids, that needs to be communicated, as that would rule out the adoption option for the couple.

    There are some who argue that the limerence stage of a relationship rarely lasts more than 4 years. How convenient – just enough time to pop out a few offspring and raise them to an age where you can survive as a single parent, on your way, potentially, to joining the 50% of people in the Western world who get divorced. I’m actually not trying to be cynical here – just well-grounded. I’m still very hopefully that I might find love, and do not perceive myself as too old.

    On an somewhat unrelated note, romantic love is also highly over-valued in our society – it’s idolized excessively in movies and the media… The relationships that last in many cultures do not weigh romantic love heavily at the core, and romantic love is not the only thing that creates deep happiness in life. As you have repeatedly conveyed in your videos, Matt, you need to be confident and happy with yourself and in your own life in order to attract love, and I couldn’t agree more, especially when it comes to self-love.

    Finally, as stated in a precious comment, I’m not sure that the men in particular are being reached here… Too bad!

  55. Lani says:

    Hi Team from Get the Guy,

    I agree with most of the message you are trying to send, however I feel you are approaching this from a tricky angle.

    If a woman knows she is in a dead-end relationship then she needs to feel confident, protected and have strength within her self to address it. Remember when they do get a child, what kind or example will they be. Some weak person dependent on a man to make decisions for you about your life?

    My dad normal says: “Cut loose, Honey! Cut is off!” He is skydiver and when a parachute fails…you cut it off to allow your back-up to open. Nobody but you can cut that parachute while you are free falling through the air, you are in control of your life!!

    Having a child is not the beginning-and-end of a woman’s existence! I feel woman should focus on sticking together and actually being there for one another. Every day I see plenty of women not much younger than myself being in wonderful relationships with good men, but they are lonely and craving the type of friendship that you get form a female peer friend/sister.

    I have 3 besties 1 lives 2000km away from me but we Skype often and the other 2 live in a 10km radius of me. I know I am lucky, and I am super grateful for my wonderful support system.

    Regards
    Lani :-)

  56. m says:

    You know what, Matt?

    I’ve had the privilege of meeting you at one of your NYC events, and I have to be frank about how sad I am right now.

    It’s easy to get US to watch this.

    I’m not sure it should be put on us in addition to try to get the men in our lives, the men we might be dating, to watch it.

    :-(

  57. Helen says:

    Hi Matt! Firstly, thank you for this video. I am a Jewish woman and in the Jewish world, this actually plays itself out in actually the reverse of what you are saying so it does not apply to everyone. The Torah commands a Jewish man to be fruitful and multiply(he must have children). With the woman, however, it is entirely by choice. He has to get married whilst she doesn’t. Yet most women do choose family life being naturally nurturing. But, like I said before, we are not commanded to. Love you Matthew, Helen xx

  58. Liana says:

    Hello,

    I would like to know one thing, if you wished to answer:

    Since this topic touches deep wounds with many of us, are you going to address it in a two and half minutes and then move on to greener subjects or are you doing something deeper about it?

    I ask this because you are are strategic when it comes to the information you put out there, whereas this topic seems (to me, based on this just one video you did) very superficially approached. It is a really big theme in the dating field (just as much as finding Mr. Right, Getting back with your Ex or having Impact in life) Are you going to play a little with something this big or can we still hold you up to your standard?

    Disclaimer: No trace of irony or condescension intended. I am sincerely curious about it.

  59. Sara says:

    Bravo Matthew!
    This also addresses the many women in modern soceity who are in their 30’s and 40’s who are currently dating younger men. Communication, honesty and integrity are key in these situations, because you never know where you will find a partner with the same set if values. I am a woman who is in a wonderfully fulfilling relationship with a younger gentleman who happens to be on the exact same page ae me. Go figure?!!!
    All we know is it works!

  60. Lisa says:

    Bravo!
    Thanks for putting out such a great message to all of us. I am 39 and recently quit dating someone because he made it very clear to me that he didn’t want any more children. I do not have any but very much would like a family one day. I appreciated his honesty and we were both able to move on before anyone got hurt, despite the fact we were extremely comparable and had a great time together. I hope more women and men are able to understand this. I only wish I had the guts and ability to take on this advice when I was younger.

  61. Sydney says:

    Great message. I would love to have at least one biological child at some point, I think, but these things in life should ideally not be the focal point of happiness.

    As much as I may consider the idea of having biological children, maternity can also be a feeling towards other people’s children…. as weird as that sounds

    Do not feel as though your happiness in life rests on any particular thing or achievement because happiness in life rests in the now moment

    We cannot lose precious moments of our lives in worry about the “biological clock”

    Eckhardt Tolle says you can change the situation, accept it, or leave it. Take some conscouis action to find relief

    Children are amazing and it’s heartbreaking that there are children out there who have no one, so you ca ALWAYS adopt after age 35… or whenever.

    Don’t set your happiness on an outcome.

    If you have desire for a romantic partnership, then do everything you can about that.

    If you desire a baby, then pursue it

    If you love someone and the desire clashes, it’s just like any other relationship issue and you have to decide whether this unique individual is worth losing in pursuit of a baby. I mean, you want his genetic material, right?

    Ah, new perspective. I’m on the lookout for genes

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