Ditch Your Excuse and Get Your Guy

I know you have an excuse that’s stopping you from getting what you want.

I know because for the last 7 years I’ve had women just like you coming to me with all manner of excuses for why they’ve not gotten their guy.

Maybe it’s your age, how you look, lack of time…

Whatever it is that’s holding you back, it needs to be gotten over, and I want to show you exactly how to do that…

http://www.alsa.org/

What’s your excuse?

-Is it true? Are you using it too much? Have you decided it’s going to make you weaker or stronger? (as you can choose either path)

Write it down, analyse it, and realise you have the power to turn it into something that can actually be a gift.

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

63 Responses to Ditch Your Excuse and Get Your Guy

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  1. Essie says:

    Hi Steve,

    Need some advice from a sensible guy. In essence, I am messaging a guy who I knew of briefly 15 years ago. We are messaging over facebook. He keeps going to (I think) ask me out, and has done in a roundabout way, but nothing definite. What should I do? Carry on because it is starting to get boring, or do I ask him out? Please tell me how should I play it.

    Essie

  2. Shade says:

    LOVE the peom as well the.insights you gave about obstacles building a muscle – that was truly awesome and definately help put our ‘obstacles’ into the right perspective.

    Love the ending too – that was fun! :-)

  3. Agostinha Jacinto says:

    why are you bloking a door? :) im trying…i will always keep trying! :) make time to it! :) *kiss*

  4. Holly says:

    Hi Matt
    I remember seeing you earlier this year & asking you to recite that poem – you found it – yay!!
    You forgot to nominate in your ice bucket challenge so you need to do it again!
    I also nominate Steve, Raj and Jamison!!

  5. Carolien says:

    Great topic! Excuses are all over the place and changing that make a huge difference in people´s lives:) Great great poem love it

  6. soumeya says:

    i loved the Poem , matt you’re amaizing <3

  7. Kelly says:

    Matthew are you stalking me? because you seem to put out a video about something i’m thinking about. haha This is great, loved the poem it really drives your point home.

  8. Susie says:

    Matt

    Really enjoyed the poem, write more. Enjoy the vlog/blog and hope you current retreat goes well. Well done for being a good sport and doing the ice bucket challenge.

    So true – learn from everything – that in itself is a challenge.

    Judging by the organisation of your notes on your desk, it appears that you are quite and organised worker – creative and organised and couldn’t see any redacted words / scribbles on your notes from afar – and look forward to hearing your thoughts via the blog in the future

  9. Jill says:

    It’s not the cup of ice challenge ;)
    This makes me think of the old Nike slogan, Just do it!! No more excuses :)

  10. BK says:

    You’re being cheeky, but i really needed this kick in the ass. I’m not mad about the facial hair either.

  11. kim says:

    Another great video:) Is it considered an excuse when your mother routinely tells you that there might be nice men to meet at a church, but you refuse to go to a church JUST to meet men? To me, it’s false advertisement, especially if do not even belong to a church, but maybe it’s just an excuse…. Any thoughts?!

  12. Tiffani Stuart says:

    You’re hilarious, Matthew! I love reading your encouraging emails & watching the videos. I love doing the Love Life Workout (It’s the only work out I don’t mind doing, ha ha)… It feels good to be working a “program” rather than to just be flailing about making the same mistakes over & over again! Thanks!

  13. Nicole says:

    Sweet kitty whiskers Matt! You never cease to amaze me and while for the most part I consider myself doing so well between doing your retreat and following everything else you do AND a few other inspirational people in my life, I ALWAYS appreciate these small words of wisdom you put out as a reminder because no matter how good I might be, I sometimes still have my “off” days. Today is one of them. YOUR POEM WAS SO MOVING btw! I loved how you read it too. It gave me goosie bumps! It had a powerful tone and everything you said is true! I still think I could try harder too in my life and when I hear your poem, it reminds me I need to kick my own ass back into gear. Because of you coming into my life in more ways than one, I have created so many moments and shifts that I never would have, but I believe in always striving for more. Lately, I have felt as if I’ve lacked in that a bit and I can’t make more excuses for that, I know and I won’t. I just need to take a step back, re-evaluate my WHY and then proceed. PLEASE keep being YOU, you amazing soul and thank you! for all you put out there in the world. Your energy is contagious and I am so grateful! AND P.S. the ice bucket challenge…I agree, I wish people donated more, it’s not about the ICE however, I find it mildly entertaining watching Jameson creeping up on you with that HUGE bucket as if you didn’t know it was gona happen ;-) You two must have unstoppable laughs during these videos. I love it! Bless you! xo

  14. Patricia Heil says:

    Matthew ~

    You are a dreamy, lovely, handsome, intelligent, oh so cute, man! Thank you for ALL the wisdom, knowledge, and advice you give! YOU are THE Best!!!

    :O)

  15. Maria says:

    I liked the poem-it was cute, funny and bang on. You are very passionate – keep up the good work of inspiring women around the world. I love the bloopers too -it shows that you’re human :). Cheers, Maria

  16. Mary says:

    So what do we do when we’re in a tiny town? Travel, go on holidays? please advice

  17. Estefania says:

    Matthew! You’ve changed my way of thinking completely! I went to 2 of your seminars (both in NY this year) and now I’m all about knowing my self worth and about being proactive. My situation is a little more complicated bc I am a single mom going through a divorce and I really don’t get the chance to go out. This month my son has been in Kentucky with his dad and I took this opportunity to put myself out there. For example, this Friday I went out and spotted this extremely good looking guy sitting with a friend that kept on coming and going. So I went to get a drink by him and when I was about to walk away I stopped and said “you’re way too good looking to be sitting by yourself” and that grabbed his attention and he asked me to sit and we had a really good conversation. Then to spice things up I went and told him “ok I think I should go back with my friends, your arms are killing me” (you could tell this guy likes to work out haha) and as I got up he made sure I sat right back down hahaha it was so much fun to be flirtatious yet keep things classy. Both things I learned from you! Haha I’m trying to make sure all of my friends see dating the same way, it’s not about finding something serious as soon as possible but about meeting people and having a good time. Thanks mr. Hussey!

  18. Kaja says:

    HAHA great poem!

  19. Darla says:

    Thumbs up for the 2007 Matt Hussey poem! It has awesome insight- I’m too…

  20. Emily says:

    Good stuff. And I see the British wave ‘do has been replaced with California surfer spikes.

  21. Ashley says:

    I love this! It what I need to hear and the slap in the face I need. I love the poem, always thank you for the help and I can’t wait to learn more to getting the guy.

  22. Michelle says:

    That’s great and all Matthew, but I have analyzed my excuse over my mental illness getting in the way of living life, let alone dating. How am I supposed to view it as a gift and be stronger about it when I have been reinforced externally (workforce, family, dates) that I’m not?

  23. Gale says:

    2 things:

    1) A girlfriend of mine was lamenting how a guy had stopped texting her. I told her about your texting advice re being somewhere and asking the guy to join you. It worked like a charm. He showed up, they talked for 2 hours. And talking about excuses, she is 62 and on chemotherapy!

    2) Please post the poem. It was fabulous and works not only for dating but most other situations too. Love all your work. Surely the best relationship coach I have ever read and believe me, I have read a lot of them. Thanks for all you do.

  24. sapphire says:

    love the poem x

  25. Azul says:

    I have my excuse
    I am too fat and ugly
    I need to break free.

    I answered your poem with a haiku.
    Really I don’t know how to turn fat into a good thing.
    And it’s not just fatness it’s a whole eating disorder. Which of course very few people know of. And I don’t tell guys when I date them not even when I’m in a relationship. Because I need to feel love and support to open up and that hasn’t happened.
    So well… Yeah tell me how. And no I’m not imagining being fat I am.

    • Jet says:

      You may be fat and ugly, but the real problem is low self-esteem. I know because that is how I spent my first 57 years. I am also over weight (fat has such a negative connotation). Try to start talking to yourself more gently. Re-frame how you speak, even if it is going from “I’m fat” to “I’m over-weight”.

      Mathew is right about this… if I find myself attractive, so will (some, not all) men. I have seen it within the last few months. I am about to turn 58 and I am having more fun with men than I ever have before. Good luck my dear, hang in there! You are worthy! We ALL are!

  26. Yara says:

    Ok Matt I really do need ur help there is this guy I love for more than 3 years and can’t tell him due to our culture religion that’s against dating but u know there u is rlations that are serious and I know that there are a lot aid girls that want having him they even start flirting wid him not like me jst staring at his pix so I don’t want to loose him tell me something’s to do I rly need help :( I know I have explained the situation in a very complex way but that was what in my mind and sry for bad English not my mother language !

  27. Rose M says:

    Love the poem, you are straight on about all the excuses we can come up with. Eleanor Roosevelt said: ” you must do the thing you think you cannot do”
    You were a great sport with the ice bucket challenge.

  28. Kathleen says:

    I’ll be honest and say YES I have made excuses for why I can’t seem to find some”one” and why I’m still single, and so I decided that enough was enough. So I went on a dating site, let my friends set me up, even went to those places I knew “Men” would be at… After 15 dates in 8 months (perhaps it’s not a lot, then again it could be to much.)
    I have come to the realization that men for the most part are emotionally unavailable sex crazed idiots.
    The majority of the dates I went on consisted of them at some part of the conversation wanting to know my favorite “position”, talking about their ex’s and how they are messed up now from that b@#ch, having had one to many drinks and stinking of it profusely before I even showed up…I could go on and on, however I won’t.
    The truth is this. I like me, I really like me!!! I am my own best friend, I like my age I like my weight there are somethings I do not like, but none that would stop me from going out on a date or meeting some”one”.
    I just don’t care Matt. I really don’t care anymore if I meet anyone.
    BTW. Your poem was good and I really liked the ice water being dumped on you!!! I could tell just how cold that water was just by your reaction.

    • arely flores says:

      Totallt agree with you….. she in men doesn’t matter.25 or 50 still looking for one thing…just sex.they don’t respect women. It’s not the same like it used to be. Men don’t date, no courtship. Just SEX .

  29. Liz says:

    Never ruin an apology with an excuse.
    Life is tough, we all have tough situations, in one way or another.
    But dear god live anyway! Live every second you fucking can!!!!!!

  30. Jane says:

    I loved the poem!

  31. Leecis says:

    LAHUVE the poem. My “rider” is full aware of my excuses. Now gotta ingage my
    “Elephant”
    Thanks as always, your the best!

  32. nadia says:

    Bravo ,you said it all in your poem ,You’re such a treasure for me …I’m lucky to have you in my life …coach Mathew thanks a lot

  33. Laurie says:

    Awesome rant and lovin’ the poem! Sometimes I think you are part woman as you were spot on…or do men do the same thing? Hmmm…something to ponder.

    You’re correct on all points. It’s also your state of mind…I think we magnetize like people into our circle. So if the men you are meeting don’t stack up to who you would like, then I’d look at yourself and see inside of how you feel and what you think you deserve. Change that, change the circle. I am proof this is true…and believe why we need to consider recreating, believing and appreciating ourselves. If we like and love ourselves…others of like mind will be drawn to us.

    Just sayin’….

    Great ice bucket and thanks for sharing the spot for a great cause!! :)

  34. Narisa says:

    Ever considered being a rapper?

  35. Leontina says:

    …It is obvious
    You are very bright
    And able to connect dots to points
    That no one else can see.
    “Bolls are attractive”.. no doubt

  36. Nikki miller says:

    I just wanted to say thank you for doing the ice bucket challenge. My daddy was just recently diagnosed with als. He already can not speak and or swallow is getting to weak to accomplish some of the simple taka you and I take for granted. We appreciate the abundance of support we have seen to raise awareness and funding for this horrible disease. I have done it twice now and just got nominated again for the third time which I gladly accept and I will keep doing it all year long ifitmeans finding a cure some day. Thank you again for the challenge and for also all the wonderful advice.

  37. Kristina says:

    I loved your 2007 poem :)

  38. Diana says:

    I loved this – and your poem! And why do you have a desk in front of your door? :)

  39. Zoe Horner says:

    Matt,

    I loved you today!

    Bravo! too cute ;-)

  40. Teresa says:

    I loved the poem! And haha bravo for the ice bucket, just been nominated myself…eek.

  41. Lauren says:

    Hi Matt,
    I’m one of the fucking idiots that nominated you for the ALS ice bucket challenge and I’m so glad you accepted the challenge and didn’t pussy out of it! I knew some part of you deep, deep down would want to participate in this, solely out of your love and concern for other people :) and I knew you’d be brave enough to put aside your own comfort for a few minutes. I’ve watched a lot of ice bucket challenge vids and that has to be the biggest bucket of ice water I’ve seen so far! Felt a little bad for you watching you gasp from the shock of being doused in ice water lol-but it’s worth it. Thanks for aiding in bringing awareness to this cause!!

    Great poem!! Great vid on confronting excuses!

  42. jen says:

    I know i am full of excuses and this makes me frustrated and angry with myself. This video also made me cry.
    we live in a world where people hide behind social media and phone apps to meet people. I hear guys i know talk about the women they meet on these apps. I am not on these apps or web sites and briefly think maybe i should… Bit its not me.
    i used to be good at talking to people and meeting new people.
    heartbreak and lack of practice has lost my confidence. All i hear in my head is to stand out you need to be doing the thing that no one else is doing. The sad part of our society today it that it is talking to people is the stand out thing.
    so today, i have a wee cry, get annoyed, get up, get dressed, take my camera and go out with the goal of saying hi to just one person.
    keep up the good work Matt, love this and the impact course

    Jen x

  43. tigress866 says:

    2007 huh? Very insightfully written poem.
    You really know people and women.

    The more I watch your videos, the more I think
    I could have amazing dinner conversation or just
    Going for a walk with this guy. And yhat’s awesome.

    Please schedule again in new york or new england.
    Tickets sold out too fast. :(

    Stay interesting! Love it. =)

  44. Reiki says:

    I don’t get it why so many people complain about their love life. The people I know, who do that have been at least in one relationship. Sure they’re hurt if it comes to an end. But hey at least they HAD/HAVE a relationship or were loved at some point in their life. Did I mention that they find a new partner very quickly? They should be happy and don’t bother people with no love life at all. (Sorry about my English, it’s not my native language)Reiki

  45. Jenny Morfe says:

    Can you be the one for me?? No excuse lol :)

  46. caroline says:

    Carpe diem ,Sieze the day ! Smiling more today , for watching that video, much more ;) Caroline x

  47. Andrea says:

    Thank you so much for this video. To be frank, you should have had a pile of ice cubes in the bucket – not just water. LOL

    Your video made me think of my excuses. And what hit home with me is when you said if a person thinks negatively about herself/himself, this radiates.
    In the past two years I have goine thru an ordeal of medical treatments and surgeries that is incredible, followed by a cortisone treatment that lasted till May of his year. Needles to say, I gained weight although I exerciesd a lot.
    Your example and an encounter that I had yeasterday showed me that I must have radiated that I felt negatively about myself. I kept thinking often “I am such a looser – I gain weight….no control….and I am sure nobody wants to burden himself with my problems.”
    Now I realize that such an attitude turns off guys. Yesterday I was collecting signatures against a crazy construction project, and at the stand I met a guy with him I had a nice conversation until I asked him about his job, and then he stammered that he was out of work, and in that moment he radiated so much self-pity and “I am a looser” that I saw clearly that what one thinks radiates to the outside and that I have done no better when I was full of cortisone.

    When people get everything easily, they do not develop strength. That is true. For the first time I clearly see the struggles I have gone thru as a positive thing. I admit in the past I sometimes used to be a bit envious about people who were fed with the gold spoon.

    Lately I have lost the weight again, and many people complimented be about it. That made me feel good. I want to go out more now and show my regained positive attitude. Next Saturday I will collect signatures against that construction project again, and that is a good exercise because I actively have to approach people on the street and talk with them.

    Yes, I can do it.

  48. Teresa says:

    First thank you for the smiles. Second no matter who you are if you think negative all you’ll find is negativity. You have to break through that barrier and think positive so that you bring the positive to you.The things I notice is when I get up in the morning and I see myself… I repeat to myself in the mirror. I am deserving of love because I am love.
    Thank you for all your positive criticism Matt!

  49. Nathalie says:

    Thanks for sharing that poem, I loved it! — sort of reminds me of Sr. Seuss ;)

    I really get your point, Matt.
    Actually I ask myself that question often, whether my excuse is valid. The thing is, mostly it IS valid, AND I know it is going to make me stronger in the long run — though I am also not happy with the immediate consequences.

    Sometimes, we have things that need prioritization in our lives even if it leaves us in a very uncomfortable spot in other respects at the moment. And that’s OK in my book if it goes on for a while. Being in this kind of situation for years however makes it a tedious process where, yes, one is tempted to shortcut into more pleasurable, “easier” scenarios (even if those are still not the actual place where one wants to be … in other contexts, you speak of this as “settling”).

    I have been having these moments. Maybe ironically, your speaking of excuses has reminded me of the fact that, indeed, my excuses are very real and the tradeoff (NOT being in a relationship, NOT having a fine circle of friends, NOT excelling in my career right now) is a conscious choice I made in this phase of my life to really really get some stuff sorted within myself.

    This reminder tremendously changes my level of aggravation in waking up on a dreary rainy Sunday morn NOT lovingly embraced, puts the situation back into perspective, me back in the driver’s seat and empowered, and the grin back onto my face as I say, “suck it up, buttercup” hahaha

    Thanks tons :)

  50. Kate says:

    Matt: Thank you so much. That was my wake-up ice-bucket!

    Know exactly where those dating-site little red crosses going to show up – too old, too small – and the pic says ‘and not pretty enough either.’

    And am I a great partner? You bet!

    Or will be once I get shot of the belief that I’m not good enough. Cue ‘Chariots of Fire’ or similar…

    Thanks again – Kate

    PS: We as a sociey might also be healthier and a great deal happier if most of us had partners, so wonder why this isn’t seen as a serious policy issue?

  51. Mary says:

    Come to Australia Matt!!!!!! :-D

  52. Anita D says:

    Oh my god Matthew, I just love waking up with your videos on Sundays morning. This one was very was refreshing ;)

    Have a wonderful time during your retreat program.I hope I will be able to come for the next session.

    Big hugs!!!
    Anita

  53. Essex says:

    Well done on the ice bucket challenge Matt , that was one hell of a bucket!

    I think it’s only right that you nominate Jameson to be next :-)

    • Nathalie says:

      Yep, I think there are many who would be thrilled at the unveiling of the Mystery Called Jameson – with or without ice water!

  54. Lou says:

    Was the creepy bucket guy Jameson?!

  55. Sheila says:

    You’re. So. Cute. Thanks for the smiles. Keep up the good work, Matthew!

  56. Tiffany says:

    Thanks for the pep talk! I guess we all put our walls up, but sometimes we just gotta let go…. uggg….

  57. Margot says:

    From writer to writer, Jameson is wrong. Your poem is witty and you read it splendidly.

  58. Em says:

    so, what’s your excuse matt?

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