Exactly What to Say When He Pulls Away

What are the real signs a man is losing interest?

  • He sends less frequent texts… check.
  • He’s less available for dates… check.
  • A feeling of “distance” in the way he speaks… check.

You feel like there’s nothing you can do. But there is a confident, powerful response you can use in this situation that makes him 5x more attracted to you. Just watch this video.


 ►► Learn EXACTLY What to Say to Men in EVERY Situation – Go Here Now… >>> GetTheScripts.com

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

16 Responses to Exactly What to Say When He Pulls Away

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  1. stephanie D. Moynier says:

    Hi Love your British Accent. Smile but I love all European accents
    I have found a wonderful Man. lol met him on IMVU dating sight. But I must admit he scared me. Why well lets see he was charming yes but too charming. Good conversationalist very much so. Me i was going through my 3rd Divorce. Yes 3rd and my father was dying losing my last masculine net Daddy was the only man i went to when i went through my break ups. He would say get back in the saddle again. But dad will not be there when i fall yet again. Getting a man is not my problem. keeping them is. I can flirt talk about any subject. hold my own in most subjects.
    i drink only on rare occasions. My x has Gf he found her on face book she was one of those woman who go after married relentlessly. did everything and yes let me know about it. sick
    she posted a picture of the together on face book.
    uses his last name. but enough about them.

    i found a great guy but i fear i will lose him as well.
    i am not needy. i am not flirt. i just learned the art of texting and smile learn never give a man what he wants.
    give what he does not expect
    lol instead of my face my legs from the knee to my toes. lol
    got a response.
    not my whole face but a profile lol
    be alluring. everything work i have a proposal on the table
    and yet to be divorced. lol
    but how too keep him happy is my question
    help me please

  2. Responder says:

    Hi Nila,

    I never post on forums however your story forced my heartstrings to type.

    Firstly, to me you are incredibly brave to open yourself up to the scary world of the internet. I am a paranoid and guarded person, so you are an inspiration to me for openly speaking your story.

    Secondly, I think I may understand how “He” (that’s what we are naming him) feels. I’m shy, introverted, very much reserved and I take a long time before I feel comfortable enough to get close to people. This, for me, means I find it easy to quickly get detached. So I find myself unintentionally leading guys on when I am only focused on a friendship. I like being emotionally there for people, however I do not want to handle taking it the other way around (weird I know). When it comes to your story I feel like I have been that jerk who gets close to someone and then leaves suddenly without a word, either because I am too afraid of confrontation, or I am a dick who finds it easier to ignore someone since I do not want to get too close, it’s a defense mechanism really.

    Now let me take a crack at advice giving.

    You said he’s pulling away, he does not reciprocate your feelings, yet he grabs your attention by stringing on personal emotions. I would love to hand you some sugar coated advice but here is the mean truth (based on my opinion only). He does not care about you and by the sounds of it he is not going to, though I think you may know that. It seems he may be using you as an emotional crutch; someone he can go to to expel his frustrations of the day. That’s all it is. This may be a decent grounds for friendship; he talking about his life problems and you yours. But for a real relationship to work being able to emotionally connect with someone should not be the only form of connection between the two of you.

    You need to have fun, enjoy being around someone because they like who you are and you like them just as much. You both need to want to crave seeing each other and all that other mushy stuff I am not going to be bothered filling out. But most importantly you both need to respect each other. In this case you cannot force someone to like you and you should respect the fact that he may not. A guy should want you because he wants you. And that’s it.

    Your first step should be telling him how you feel even if you may not like his answer. Communication is the key to any good relationship, whether it’s friendship or more. If you can both learn to understand and acknowledge each other’s sides than at least you may get some clarity.

    Second step: leave him or stay friends and only friends (stick to whatever you figured out upon the clarity step). Moving on to another healthy relationship is not possible if you are still hung up on this guy. Figure out what is best for you, if you cannot get him out of your head than don’t see him again.

    Third step: spend time figuring yourself out. Take time to get to know you, appreciate who you are. Learn to respect and like yourself, when you do, you will not want to be with someone who treats you less than your own proclaimed self-worth. This step can last as long as you need it to. Just remember, don’t ever let a guy, or anyone, make you feel like you are not worth anything.

    Recently you got out of a marriage, you need to take time to take care of yourself before you find anyone else. And living is a lot more fun when you are doing things that make you happy :) (forceful insertion of a happy face for the simple fact that I believe I have written a response that is too long and too serious).

    Forth step: when you are ready to find someone make sure you find someone who cares about you and treats you with as much respect as you do him. Sometimes it may feel impossible trying to find the elusive Mr. Right, nevertheless don’t waste your time being with someone because you feel like you are simply settling. Life should be much more enjoyable than that. If you can’t find a man find a cat, they are adorable :) (yay two happy faces… yup now I am just getting silly).

    Sorry, didn’t plan on writing such a long response, though in even the smallest way I hope this helps you. :) (I have raised the bar, you now have three smiley faces, you welcome).

  3. Sally says:

    Really liked this advice! I received another email today from Matthew about closure. “Ghosting” and flaking are common themes now, and it’s very frustrating for single women to deal with. (Some men too) Obviously Matthew is aware of these trends and produced very helpful videos on what to say to get us through tough times. The slight language cues can turn you from a vulnerable to a high-valued woman. I had to use some of these lines this week, actually.

    Question… why say “which is totally fine” when saying “I’m a bit confused by you”? Truth is I’m not fine with it, not with the unexpected silence after investing weeks/months with someone. I actually think it’s rude. Is it meant to ease pressure off the Ghoster/flaker? Please explain…

    Keep the advice videos rolling!

  4. Nila says:

    Hi matt

    I came out of a situation with a guy last summer, where I could have dealt with things better looking back now. The irony of the situation is that I lost my father recently, and it suddenly made me realise that even though this guy is still in my life, I’m in love with him and have these overpowering feelings for him which never seem to go away. I know that he doesn’t feel the same way at all. I’ve tried to move on and go out on other dates etc but what’s inside my heart just doesn’t want to go away. When I do meet up with this guy, we can spend several hours together and just talk about random things, he makes me laugh, behind close doors he makes me cry. He doesn’t know or realise that I still have feelings for him, worst still he doesn’t know I’m in love with him. Part of me wanted to tell him after losing my dad but I’ve been too afraid. Mainly because I don’t want him out of my life and having him as a friend seems better than not having him at all in my life. I don’t know why I feel like I do about this guy who hurt me last year, and I’m so afraid of these feelings never going away. It’s like he doesn’t realise that he obviously means something to me. When I see him I always take food for him, the little things which I continue to do for him out of love. I know he’s been hurt before and badly by how he treated me. I forgave him for hurting me when I know most women wouldn’t. But I guess the more he started opening up to me the more I felt sorry for him and wanted to help him and be there for him. It’s like I put my feelings aside for this guy because I do love and care about him so much I don’t really care about my own self as much. And between the both of us i do the contacting because I know he won’t contact me randomly to see how I’m doing or even to say hello. This is so hard for me because I am separated from my marriage which didn’t work out since last April. And I really didn’t believe that I would find someone who I could feel safe with and be happy with until this guy contacted me. I’ve felt so lost in my life and still am, but lost to the point of even contacting a clairvoyant to find out what’s going on, to see if this guy for real. He was blunt with me completely in telling me that he wasn’t attracted to me a few times after spending time with me and doing what normal couples would do. Then I confronted him and asked him a lot of questions as to why he did what he did and wasn’t honest with me. He had said it was more lust he had with me and because he felt lonely in some ways. So if someone is in lust with you there is an attraction but it’s just more physical and sexual? A lot of things he said never made sense to me. It’s like I know I think he does care about me in his own way but he doesn’t show it as much as I would. I try to get over him by keeping myself busy, by seeing other guys, and at the same time I have enjoyed spending the last two times with him. I even sang a love song in front of him which was very hard to do. To do that knowing how I feel about him and I managed to not fall apart. When I do see him he doesn’t want to get rid of me easily even if he has his day planned, i know he enjoys my company as he has told me before. He’s just not good at being open and honest about his feelings easily. But I have been there for him a lot and tried to Councel him because I’ve wanted to help him. Deep down I don’t think it would be a loss to him if I wasn’t in his life. As he said it wouldn’t be the end of the world Even though he was very blunt in what he said. He’s realised what a shit he had been to me and there’s better ways he could’ve have handled things. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

  5. Merav says:

    This came at the right time from me too. I went out with this guy and after 2 dates (if you can call it that) i could feel that he was pulling away so i texted him your text but first i had to translate it to Hebrew ;) Hello from Isreal!
    You should really consider translateing your book and “how to talk to men” to other Languages
    Thank you so much for all your help
    xx Merav

  6. Munirah says:

    HI Mathew, need your advice on things. I am in the same situation right now and I sent him the text. It might not be the same wordings but the end of the sentence is the same

    “I know am temperamental at times, maybe because I felt that I didn’t know you better and I do want to know you. It was lovely to see you and it would be great if I have the chance to know you. So, I’m going to take some space, because it would be hurtful for me to get closer to someone who is not sure on what they want. Take care” –

    He just replied ‘you too’, now is this over?

    I knew him for 3 months and he is a great guy, he is always busy and me too, but we spend most of our time chatting and texting and whenever we have time, we went for a midnight movie but he’s been pulling away and it frustrated me. Rather than keep showing my frustration which is not healthy, I decided to make the first move.
    But Mathew, I miss him…. I hardly share my issue in public so please help a girl out.

  7. Clara66 says:

    This came at just the right time. So I used the text and got my answer! He replied, “you’re right I have been feeling confused, so it’s probably for the best you take some space”. Not a great answer but it confirmed my intuition that it was going down the pan, and made me feel slightly better that I’d got him to admit it and stop stringing me along.

  8. Sheila lavin says:

    Ive been seeing a guy for 5 wks now and he told me on new years, hes liked me since last summer..and hes been going to the same local bar every weekend just to hopefully run into me..so weve had 2 official dates 1st one i iniated.which weve had a great time…hes very shy i guess within the last couple years,we dont text each other very often in between our dates and ive iniated mist of our conversations but hes always been very receptive each time and hes told me these things when hes had the liquid courage.but on superbowl sunday something didnt seem right, he seemed distracted and ive felt uneasy thru out the day like he wasnt really into being there with me, like he was just staying because he had to stay for me, i just felt like thats how he felt..i finally left and went home..i text him when i got home saying i made it, because it was snowing really good,and then i said thanks for letting me hang out with him and if he wanted to leave he could have, he didnt have to stay..i havent heard from him since..i text him friday just saying hi and i hoped he had a good week and no response and nothing since..ive been wanting to text him and ask whats up,and ask him did i do or say anything wrong but im affraid to…do you think this technic would help?

  9. A. says:

    Do you have to say that line exactly? It sounds like a breakup. ‘Space’ is sometimes a euphemism. She altered it because her intention (I think?) wasn’t to break up with him. I would only use that line verbatim if I never wanted to see the guy again.

    And I’m dead serious. When I take space, I’m like the other lady, I’m out. During that space things change. Even if he comes back, I’m out. So she modified it not just for him but for her so she could keep room for him in her heart.

    But if I don’t modify it? I may as well be telling him to lose my number.

  10. Tam says:

    Hi Mathew,
    I bought your 2 books and I did try all your advice but I can’t keep a guy . I read a lot of books about relationships ,about what’s men think. Your words are kind.
    It’s not work for me this time but I think it will help me more confident and relax for my next guy.
    Thanks,

  11. tigress866 says:

    Hi Matt…

    I personally hate red velvet cupcakes, but that black and red shirt on you is amazing so you make up for it!!

    Keep being cheeky!

    tigress

  12. Emilia says:

    We need more Matthew Hussey’s in the world – picnics and cupcakes just missing the champagne! ;-)

  13. Wendy says:

    I love this advice, Matt. I can see that it is strong enough to give the guy reason to re-think the situation, or at the very least the girl walks away with her head held high and with her dignity and confidence intact.
    I also love the classiness of your bringing luscious cupcakes for the lady contest winners.

  14. Bridget says:

    In my situation he wasn’t actually pulling away, but I still love this, ” I’m feeling some confusion from you, which is totally fine, but I’m going to take some space because I don’t want to get closer to someone who’s not sure what they want.”

    I WISH I had this JUST the other day because I was searching for the words and ended up texting, “… I enjoy (spending time with you), but I think if we continue my emotions are going to get involved and I’m going to end up getting my feelings hurt.”

    I think both convey the same meaning, but I think the way Matt put it was a bit more eloquent and puts a little more into the meaning. I really HESITATED a LOT before pressing send because I felt SO vulnerable actually expressing this to him.

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