The Future Of Chivalry

Is chivalry dead? It kinda feels that way sometimes – especially for women…

For guys this is an extremely confusing area.

Women over the last few decades have become pretty damn powerful. They’ve made great strides in their careers and are now the primary breadwinner in many households.

This creates a lot of double-standards that men are now trying to figure out.

‘She earns more than me but does that mean I should still pay on a date?’

‘Will giving up my seat be patronising to this woman?’

No matter where you stand on these specific issues…

Women still want men to be men.

And I want to simplify this area today so that we all know how to navigate our way through this maze that is chivalry.

1) Women

Stop complaining about men en masse not being chivalrous.

There are people out there everywhere who have no manners, who are not polite, but the only thing you have to focus on is demanding a certain standard from the men you choose to keep in your life and spend time with.

The fact that he didn’t meet you with that standard doesn’t matter if he’s willing to take it on and adopt it.

Communicate your standards to guys and give him a chance to live up to them.

2) Men

Start acting right. Stop using excuses about society and how we’ve changed.

Be good to women. Stop doing this because you think you ‘should’ and do it because you care.

If you would do it for your mother, do it for every woman (and if you wouldn’t do it for your mother, then you really need to learn!).

Everything we do has to come from a core ‘why’.

–You love women.

Take this on out of respect for ALL women.

3) Dads

Teach your sons to act right. Don’t just tell them to act right around women, show them by the way you treat their mother.

Be a role model for them to live up to.

4) Mums

Show your sons what you expect as a woman as this will colour his experience with everyone he comes into contact with throughout his life.

Don’t roll your eyes and say, “boys will be boys” – that boy is going to be a man some day and the woman in his life is going to pay the price for your shitty standards!

Demand the same level of chivalry you’d expect from any other man in your life.

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Send this video on to one person who you know could benefit from it. It could be a guy you know, a member of your family who needs addressing, or a friend you know who is very set in her beliefs on what she expects from a guy.

Question of the day:

What’s the one act of chivalry you would like men to perform more?

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169 Responses to The Future Of Chivalry

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  1. Shannon says:

    Dear Matt,

    This was beautiful. I find that people, in general, don’t believe in courtesy, except/until they’re on the receiving end of unsolicited rudeness. Then, suddenly, they just can’t understand why someone would be so mean to them. We’re probably all guilty of this to a certain extent when we’re young just because self-absorption doesn’t usually lend itself to putting others first. But I think it’s a genuine shame when someone over the age of 25 still believes that courtesy is out-dated.

    It would be truly wonderful to meet a man who not only wanted to make me feel safe but was willing to put in the effort it takes to do so — and was willing to put in that effort not because he thought he’d get something out of it but because he believed it was the right thing to do. I’ve never met a man like that but I’m sure there are a few out there. Maybe someone like you will help create men like that — you never know.

    Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for putting this message out there and tell you that it’s truly appreciated. I hope you and your mom have a great Mother’s Day.

    Best,
    Shannon

  2. Electricians in Glasgow says:

    I found lots of interesting information here. The post was professionally written and I feel like the author has extensive knowledge in this subject.

  3. Lori says:

    Amen! Thank you – finally something positive. I am a strong, independent woman, and TOTALLY support chivalry – and that a woman should appreciate it back. I’m 100% with this! I wish more men and women would understand how amazing and wonderful it is to be this way with each other.

  4. Susan says:

    This is such a powerful msg and wake up call for the public. U continue to give me reasons to be obssessed with U! I am beyond impressed with this video!!! I keep rewinding it on iheartradio. Everyone should live by this!!

  5. V says:

    Absolutely! ;) …bravo

  6. Teresa says:

    MATTHEW. This video was PERFECT! I get a lot of flack and ridicule from both men and women around my age (23) for the importance I place on chivalry, but you summed it all up PERFECTLY! What vindication I felt when watching your video! Especially good to hear it from a man – a REAL man! I clapped (though I was alone in my room). AMEN!!

  7. Sarah says:

    Well said, thanks.

  8. L says:

    Matthew, based on your video am I correct in assuming that women should not be courteous to men (since men are to be the chivalrous ones)?

    I am very curious to know your opinion on this topic.

    • Kira says:

      Well, when you say thank you to a man who holds your door open for you, you’re essentially being courteous because you’re taking his feelings into account and your allowing him to feel even more like a man.

  9. L says:

    Matthew, based on your video am I correct in assuming that women should not be courteous to men (since men are to be the chivalrous ones)?

    I am very curious to know your opinion on this. Thank you.

  10. Lynda UK says:

    Brilliant ! Especially enlightening is the the bit about mothers and sons. I realise I’ve been a bit soft, but I hate to be a nag.
    I really think its GREAT that you have addressed men as well as women. I always thought that would be a good idea.
    Thank you Matt………… keep on keeping on.

  11. Shelley says:

    I loved this video. I’m a independant woman (had to be and don’t mind)but still believed in the proper roles and manners between men and women and it shocks me today how it is. I’ve always held my standards and have had men bark about them. Thank you for confirming that the way I was thinking is still right. I feel much better now.

    Sincerely,
    Shelley

  12. Melaina says:

    The end of this video really spoke to me about men wanting to make women feel safe,Im 22 and on my way walking to work at 5am this morning a group of men/lads thought it would be okay to cross the road to the direction I was headed, stop me in my tracks with the sole purpose of intimidating me, one even tried to prompt his friend to (I didnt catch everything they all said but along these lines) to hit me with something. Of the group only one guy was strong enough to say anything on the contrary but it took an older burly woman to come over with her fists out.

    Now, to be fair, I wasnt scared because I felt it was more intimidation than a real threat and this isnt me speaking as a victim but when I got to work I lamented to a friend, what sort of men were they to be raised to think that sort of behaviour towards women was acceptable. Even the men at work who work for me still open doors, let me push in the lunch line, etc. Sadly I think it speaks volumes about a mans personality.

  13. Jessica says:

    This video goes beyond just addressing chivalry. This video speaks of critical societal infrastructures, of principal societal relationships that build the world and the culture that we know. Mother-son relationships, father-son, relationships, it’s crazy how much these things matter, and it’s crazy how these relationships translate from generation to generation to generation. So often we get it wrong, but imagine how different it would be if we got it right. If we did family right. If we treat each other right. If we thought of others right…

  14. Hajer Kamil says:

    in my whole life I only met one guy who opend the car door for me and I was really surprised ! that kind of men still live on earth ! maybe there is hope .. that kind of behavior i dont see every day and it is really adorable and big add to any man

  15. Leona Lovequest says:

    Hey Matt,
    I just started dating this guy and he seems pretty great, but he always wears this ratty old yellow hoodie that makes him look like an overgrown baby chick. The other night at the movie theater he offered it to me because I was freezing. I was about to refuse until I remembered your advice and agreed to just take it! You know, it did make me feel like he cared about my well-being. He’s a lot younger than me, so I guess chivalry isn’t completely dead with this new generation :)

    • Roksana says:

      Hi Leona. When I red your comment I thought that we are on the same page. I started dating younger guy recently. He is 24 I am 34. His great manners nicely surprised me. I had a laugh at myself when we were walking along a busy road. I am use to walk on the side closer to the cars (more dangerous). I didn’t even realised that until he pointed it out. After changing sides twice he said. Roksana do you know that it will be safer if we change sides? So we did it again but this time I managed to hold myself on the right one:) The safer one.

  16. Faith says:

    Matt,

    I love it when you get pissy! Act right. CONtribute. Rock on Hussey!

    Faith

  17. Sarah says:

    Matt, this post on Chivalry is absolutely fantastic!! More men need to subscribe to your blog. Keep up the awesome work and sharing of your insight.
    :) S

  18. Rowan says:

    THANK YOU! (That little caps lock is not a big enough “thank you” but it’ll have to do.)
    But seriously… THANK YOU!

    Best video blog you’ve come out with so far in my opinion.

  19. Ana says:

    ❤ ♥ ❣ ❥ ❦ ❧ ღ ɞ ♡❤ ♥ ❣ ❥ ❦ ❧ ღ ɞ ♡
    ❤ ♥ ❣ ❥ ❦ ❧ ღ ɞ ♡❤ ♥ ❣ ❥ ❦ ❧ ღ ɞ ♡

  20. Janet says:

    Bravo! Very well said!

    Whatever happened to good manners and right conduct? It’s so rare nowadays that when you see one happening it puts a smile on your face and it lingers.

  21. Laura says:

    This must be one of my favourite videos you’ve posted. I could kiss you right now! Chivalry is not dead, it’s sexy and will never be outdated. I hope everyone, man and woman could watch this and benefit.

    Last week, I went on a first date with a guy who was so chivalrous it caught me off guard because it unfortunately doesn’t happen so much nowadays. I mean, yes most guys pay the bill. However opening doors for me, taking my hand to help me up from my seat, fetching my bag, carrying his umbrella around for me to use in case it rained, texting the next day to check I got home safe and even offering to pay my taxi home just put him above the rest. It showed so many positives about his character, so much so that of course I would agree to tomorrow’s second date!

    This video has reminded me that as a woman, when I see chivalry I would do well to show my appreciation by not just thanking him but commenting positively on it.

    Thank you for the great post, Matt. I can’t believe you’re so wise at just 26 years old!

  22. Stacey says:

    I wish I could give you a big kiss. Loved that rant. I teach my students, especially my boys, about holding the door for the person behind them. It is amazing how as a society, manners are not being taught or reinforced.
    xoxo Matthew!

  23. veronica mundell says:

    I LOVED the presentation of this topic! A dick is a dick. A man however, is an entirely different breed. Nice to be reminded that even men can see a dick coming. Would be nice if we women stopped giving men excuses…me included. Thanks for the reminder Matt! I am going to go out of my way to recognize chivalry when I see it this week and not take it for granted.

  24. Val says:

    Matt you are awesome! I always look forward to your videos and emails. You are sexy too, I could watch you all day!

  25. Helen says:

    Thank you Matthew, as last someone has the balls to speak out and say it like it is. I totally agree with every thing you have said. Someone was round my house the other day and was saying to my son that men shouldn’t have to pay for taking women out especially as they are earning money too these days. His advise to my son was if you take a girl out 3 times and she has not paid then dump her as she is a user. I’ve taught my son to treat women with respect and there’s lots of things you can do for dates that are not expensive, just needs a little imagination. Thank you xx

  26. J says:

    WOW!!! GREAT video! Thank you! :)

  27. Pris says:

    I love this!
    Boys will become men one day and they have the need to behave like man, a REAL man, I mean.

    The chivalrous behaviors that you have mentioned…I really can’t find any of the traits in Asian men.

    Extinct maybe?

    • Rinnie says:

      Hi Pris,

      Obviously it depends on where and how they were brought up, but remember that ‘chivalry’ wasn’t really a thing in many Asian societies. It’s less a matter of it being extinct and more a matter of it never developing in the first place. (In a study of what type of foreigners Japanese women would like to date, Englishmen ranked highly due to their ‘gentlemen’ stereotype- seems Japanese men aren’t in the habit of opening door for their women, but they’d still appreciate it!)

      That said, if a guy has the right attitude and cares enough, he can still learn if you ‘train’ him right, like Matt suggests! :)

      ~Rinnie

      • Rowan says:

        That’s true to a degree. However I would like to point out that they do or have demonstrated chivalry but in different forms or different ways than what most people would be used to or expect.
        The Patriarchal society that has been dominant through the generations has both brought up and put a damper on Chivalry. It was brought up out of the belief that women are weaker than men and therefore need protection. Or that they need to be protected because they will be or are mothers.
        In modern society, Chivalry, like Matt said, needs to be done out of Respect.

        I don’t think I’m alone in saying that Chivalry needs to come from both Men and Women these days but that it is definitely going to have to start with Men, do to history :( , for it to truly become a successful trait in People.

        Again, thank you, Matt!

  28. Radostina Boshnakova says:

    Amen! May more men and women see this :))
    Thank you for this video and thank you to your parents for teaching you well! xx

  29. Stephanie says:

    Amen. I love when guys open dors for me. It makes my heart melt :) I also showed my ex boyfriend to walk on the car side of the road, i think this is chivalrous too.

  30. Marika says:

    I absolutely agree with you Matthew. We want to be treated with respect and have equal rights to pursue our careers but it doesn’t mean that it is not nice when someone hold the door open for us. It’s mostly just the matter of good manners and being nice to each other. I hold the elevator for others, I keep the door open if I see that someone is coming with their hands full, I give my seat to elderly people… and so on. Little things make our lives better. Greetings from Poland.

  31. A says:

    Preach, Matty! Hallelujer (Madea Voice) Matt gettin mad, tellin these dudes how to grow balls. Btw, Matty, what’s your phone number? :-o

    -Sincerely, your future ex-wife.

  32. Heavenly says:

    “Let´s be better than society” loved it!! Really much, I guess it is a hard topic because we as women are not even sure if we like the chivalry or not. To be honest, sometimes I think is unfair to you to always have to open the door for us or stuff like that, but at the same time it makes me feel important when someone does that for me.

    So, you are right, we should talk this straight with everyone instead of complaining. AND BE GRATEFUL WHEN ANYBODY IS NICE TO US.

  33. Rick says:

    As a man, I agreed with the first minute or so of this video, and with other various parts.

    HOWEVER – As a man who always opens doors (car doors too), walks on the right side of the road, and pulls a chair for a woman, I’m outraged by the reasoning this “expert” gives for suggesting men should continue paying for things. Other than calling any man who doesn’t do this “a dick,” that is a ridiculous generalization. Chivalry is about courtesy and watching out for a woman; the “rule” that men should pay pushes society away from equality.

    If we truly want to move forward towards equality among the sexes in this world, the woman should pay for herself. I can’t tell you how many guys don’t go on dates for this reason – they can’t afford it! We might like you and want to do amazing, fun things, but we can’t afford to set a standard where we pay double the price it would cost just ourselves.

    The man used to pay because the woman didn’t work, and now that the woman works, why on earth would we continue this ancient trend? I have no problem with paying on a first date as a nice gesture, but if the woman doesn’t grab her purse when the check comes by the 3rd date and I know she’s not living in a gutter, I lose a tremendous amount of respect for her.

    Women: This double standard needs to go. We want you to pay for yourself like a grown up, unless we insist. If you want to be thought of as an independent woman, who was joining us on the date for the sole satisfaction of being with us, and most importantly progress society more in the direction of equality, then pay your own way! We will appreciate that as much as you will when we run around the car to open the door for you.

    • Elaine says:

      As I said in another comment, I think values are above costumes… Like respect and care! If both man and woman works, of course she can offer to pay her share, or even everything, and then say something like “you pay our next dinner…”, as an invitation! What I got from the video is that being gentle is really the key, and only what one another thinks is really important should be a costume! (While the woman feels like she is not being treated well). Of course gentleness and respect are highly important! The problem is that everybody seems to just care about themselves…

    • Lisawms says:

      Thank heaven a guy is commenting on this post. Rick I have to say I totally agree. I always feel like if I pay (for) every other date then we are actually having a relationship. I don’t think it has anything to do with whether or not its a guy’s place to pay it’s just I want to return the gesture. Thanks for being a gentlemen.

      • Rick says:

        Lisa, you’re awesome – “it feels like a real relationship” – couldn’t have put it better myself. Unless the guy is rich, the man paying every time won’t last long term (or you won’t be going out much).

        At least offering to pay your share when the bill comes means more than you think. A woman who does this demonstrates that she appreciates the gesture if we do insist on paying; that it isn’t overlooked because society expects this from men.

        Another reason this is interpreted so positively is that it demonstrates interest – if you’re willing to make the gesture to pay when it’s your turn, you obviously care enough to make the impression that you’re not using the guy and genuinely enjoy spending time with him.

        I personally interpret women who never pay on their turn or offer to pay as either not interested in pursuing anything (and depending on the situation, potentially like I’m being used) or as some kind of diva (which isn’t attractive either).

        Really, it comes down to feeling respected and appreciated, which is what anybody really wants.

    • Laura says:

      Great to see a guy giving his opinion on here!

      You’re right, women nowadays are capable of contributing to the dinner bill. However, women are also capable of opening car doors themselves and walking on the road side of the pavement. So why stop at the moment of paying the bill? Personally, for me it shows generosity. And by this I don’t mean that you have to have to fattest wallet. I mean that it shows you have the kind, considerate nature to make a woman feel feminine in a world where we have to act more and more on par with men. And what woman doesn’t want to feel feminine? If you prefer, why not do something more inexpensive for your date? Just takes some imagination. x

  34. Doris says:

    You couldn’t nailed better Matt really loved this video!!… You seem very passionate and sincere about this subject…

    Everyone got their piece of cake lol.. I personally will always accomplish any person with good manners around me with an smile and a thank you.. Any person who opens the doors for me, regardless man, woman, or child..

    Anyone who shows that kind of respect.. will always win me…Good behaviors and manners have to be well rewarded always no matter what..:) Rude people fall sooo short… If they would know…

  35. ally says:

    this is interesting and obviously from a good place, but i don’t think he actually simplified it at all, just expanded on one side. the “why” part was perfect, but it would’ve been better if he’d discussed women who want to do these sorts of things as well and not be patronized when they try. everyone should treat everyone as they’d treat their mom (assuming all is good and loving there), regardless of the gender of either party. there are a lot of things we need to think about here… for instance, would your guy feel emasculated if you opened the door for him? carried his suitcase up the stairs for him? paid for dinner? bought him flowers? would your lady feel unfeminine if you lovingly asked her to do those things for you? why do we assign such concrete genders to these actions, and why is it so uncomfortable for us to go outside of those confines in the name of helping someone out or being helped out ourselves? let’s all just be nice to people, you know?

  36. Lisawms says:

    Wow! It’s great that you posted this video. It’s also quite sad that you had to point out something so basic and simple as respect one another and train your offspring. As single mom, I have taught my son all of these things. He gets a kick out of the responses that women and older men. (yes he must hold the door open for his elders no matter what their sex)He literally beams with joy. I’m happy to say Thank You to guy for helping me with something heavy or opening a door for me. The one thing I wish men would do is stop using foul language in front of women and children. Keep it clean guys.

  37. Angela says:

    To guys you said, the “Driving Why” is because:

    “You love women! You care about them. You think they are the most precious creatures on Earth and you would do anything for them, because you want them to feel safe. You want them to feel comfortable. You want them to feel happy. And you want to be that man that doesn’t fit that societal norm for today. Who gives a fuck about the societal norm for today, and how men and women are today. Let’s be better than society. Let’s be better than the average. You’re not opening that car door for one woman. You’re not paying that bill for one woman. You’re not going out of your way to give her your seat, or to let her through the door first, or to walk on the car side of the street for one woman. You’re doing it out of respect for all women.” – by Matthew Hussey

    Oh – My – God! That’s fucking brilliant! The “Driving Why” you gave is THE “Why” to all of it! I see too many men hating on women and too many women hating on men. It comes in varying degrees of intensity and man it’s just ugly! We all need to be more decent to each other and also give each other a little leeway – as human beings in general – because communicating with each other can be damn hard sometimes.

    I loved the “pshaw” you gave to the “boys will be boys” mentality some moms have when it comes to their sons bad behavior. When you posed the question men ask, about how they should treat women, the first thing that popped into my head was, “How would you treat your mom? That’s probably a good place to start.” Of course, that’s assuming the guy treats his mom well.

    I also liked that you mention that some women can behave just as poorly as some men. It’s just about being a nice and courteous person – whether you’re male or female. If you’re a guy and you want to open the door for me that’s great! Hopefully, he won’t have a problem if I happen to open the door for him some time when it seems appropriate to do so. All of this should come naturally because we’re all attempting to treat each other decently and with respect.

    I’ve watched quite a few of your videos recently, and they’re good, but this one just nailed it! It’s like a monologue version of Bryan Adam’s song “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman.” I don’t know Mr. Hussey… I think you’d better go into hiding for awhile, because that little bad boy Cupid just shot out thousands of his Love arrows making you the new English version of Don Juan De Marco to a lot of women – and probably some guys too! ;oD

  38. Kamilla says:

    Hurray Matthew! Standing ovation! Back on the ballfield!

    Its all comes down to respect. Respect for yourself and others. Leading by example with standards.

    One important thing to remember about the chivalry tho, as you pointed out, is the “why”. It must always come from a good, loving and respectful place. And never turn into a compulsive thing or trying to take away the persons own capability of getting things done.

    I have an example; I was studying for being a chef. Me and a classmate were going to prepair dishes together and we were retrieving ingrediences. And everytime I was lifting something somewhat heavy (not too heavy, the whole thing was rediculous) he would just grab the thing from my hands or try to grab it without a word. It infuriated me so much, you cant believe it. In the chef world and especially as a woman you need to hold your own and be just as good as, if not better than men or no-one will take you seriously.
    The thing is not that he “tried to help” cause I could have used him as a mule if that was the case but its that he didnt bother to ask me! And when confronted he said “it was cause I was a woman and it was the nice thing to do”. I hate that, when the reason behind the action turns out to be that he looks down on women.

  39. Melanie says:

    Thanks, Matt! You are SO on point!! Love your comment about being better than society. Yes! That manly delivery of yours is getting through. Instead of being surprised when a man is occasionally chivalrous, I am expect more of men. Another good lesson sinking in here…
    Thanks!

    ~Melanie

  40. Katharine says:

    Hi Matt,

    I love your advice in general, but I don’t see why men should have to act in a ‘chivalrous’ way towards women. I think manners and courtesy are extremely important, regardless of gender. I treat others, and hope to be treated in turn, with courtesy because I am human being, not because I am a woman. A man is not a ‘dick’ if he chooses to treat people equally.
    Why do you endorse this confusing double standard?

  41. anna says:

    hey sexy, bring It on Mathew im going to meet my guy from UK soon were going to Cyprus/paphos.

    LOVe LOVE LOVE thanks u always BRAVO… MILLIONS KISSSSSSSS.

  42. Samira says:

    I’m trying not to cry as I’m writing this…the fact that a guy like you exists out there Matthew, makes me feel safe and hopeful that things will be right at some point…

  43. Jesse says:

    Bravo, Matt! Thank you for telling it like it is! Most guys are into the whole pickup thing-where the more of a dick they are the more the girl wants them. Why do things have to be black and white? they’re either the boring, weak, “nice guy”, or the guy that acts like he’s too cool to be bothered with chivalry. lol. They want to be like James Bond, attracting girls left & right but they forget that even he opened doors for girls from time to time ;)

    Anyway, Matt, I need your advise. A few days ago I went to a theme park and spotted a handsome guy with his friends. We were both walking, passing by each other and we made some eye contact( & I could see in his eyes that he liked what he saw :), but we both kept walking. What do I do in a situation like this? do I casually follow him for a bit to give it a chance? I find the hottest guys in huge crowds where everyone is walking from one spot to the other and you only have seconds to make an impression.

    Thanx, Matt for everything!

  44. kim saabani says:

    Matthew marry me,hahahaaha

    i saw this from twitter and i was like: YESSSSS,this is the kind of man that i want in my life.respect and caring are important in the relationsip.if you care for someone,then it is okay to do those little things for her,and leave the ego and pride behind.

    My point stays the same,Matthew,marry me,im very cute.

  45. Maria says:

    You are absolutely right. Adult men and little boys can learn from us if we just ask or tell them “Can you open the door for me, please? Thanks for helping. You’re so kind”.
    Many people haven’t been taught how to be a little kind and sympathetic with everybody they meet. I’m a women, and I’ve given my seat to pregnant women or with small children because I’ve been there. I was dying on my feet 8 months preganat and nobody gave me their seat on the bus.Not a man or woman. Kindness and gentelness is soooo charming in anybody.

  46. Janna says:

    PREACH IT!!! So glad that my standard and expectation is to have all men be chivilarous (sp?) towards me is okay to have!! Dont worry I say Thank you. Best Video yet. Seriously. Love it. Love it. Love it.

    I was at a recent workshop where the leader allowed the women of the event to to leave first for the break as we usually require more time in the restroom etc. It was extremely thoughtful.

    Thank you Matt… I think singlehandedly you ARE bringing sexy back.

  47. Naomi says:

    Dear Matthew
    THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for speaking out loud and clear what modern women REALLY care about!
    I can only hope that this video will be seen by as many gents as possible..

  48. D says:

    I ABSOLUTELY LOVED THIS! You are a star!

  49. Jackie says:

    Respect is the key thing I got from watching this. It’s unfortunate but alot of people out there weren’t raised to respect others or don’t care too. It’s something that do in and out of dating but still wonder why they aren’t having any luck meeting someone. The older I get the more I realize that many of my major problems are because of ME. Men AND women need to take a good hard look at the mirror every day and then be willing to stop being in their own way.

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