What It Means When A Guy Doesn’t Want To Commit But He Likes You?

Question from a reader:

Hey Matt,

I am seeing a guy who I’ve been on and off with for just under a year now, he stays over every few days and we go out occasionally  so I know he definitely likes me but he doesn’t want to seem to commit to a relationship and I do. I’ve asked him a couple of times what he wants to do, but I think he just wants to keep things casual.

So what should I do?

Matt’s response:

Something I really go into detail in during my events is something I like to refer to as “The Male Blueprint”. It’s essentially a mindset many men adopt between the ages of about 18-30. Through the media, TV shows and films, men have grown up to be conditioned into thinking that relationships don’t allow for any freedom, whilst being single comes with all of the adventure and crazy parties that they’ve seen on the screens.

Now of course we know this isn’t really the case, but we need to change his conditioning so he becomes more favourable to commitment. My guess would be that right now, he strolls in and out of your life, as and when he pleases. And whilst this might be hard to hear, if it is the case, you just have to accept that it’s been happening, and it’s up to you to make a change.

To do this, you need every time you see him to get better and better; you need to leave him always wanting more, and you need to demonstrate to him that if he wants to get everything he wants from you, he’s going to have to make a commitment. This isn’t ‘playing hard to get’, it’s being a high-value woman. Once this really sinks in and resonates with him, there will be nothing on his mind but you, and he’ll be craving a real commitment.

Matthew x

If you have a question about a guy or your current relationship and want Matt’s expert knowledge, just send us a question and we will let you know when it’s been answered on the site.

Do you have a different opinion or want to add something to Matt’s answer? Leave a comment below:

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

29 Responses to What It Means When A Guy Doesn’t Want To Commit But He Likes You?

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  1. Ann low says:

    My boyfriend loved me when we met 7 years ago he used 2 spend 2 nights a week at my home then his brother died 6 years ago he changed he went quiet for 9 months when he came back he was different im lucky if i get 1 hour a month he doesent say he loves me like he used to whats wrong

  2. Dolly says:

    what it mean when I text a guy and say I am missing you and he texts back and says it has been quiet
    Dolly
    Lmbates@outlook.com

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  8. JANETTE says:

    I have been seeing a guy on and off for six months, the chemistry between us is amazing but he juggles to fit me in between looking after his Mother, voluntary work and seeing his daughter. We have tried to end it many times but always end up after a couple of days texting each other again. He says he cannot be in the same room as me without wanting me physically. He has never taken me out and just visits my flat. I have not been allowed into his world, not met his mother etc. we don’t do anything normal together, it is just sheer physical passion. He keeps saying not yet, he now says he is not ready for that kind of relationship at this time. I have said I am not being used just for sex and he says he cannot give me what I want. We have decided to stay friends, he keeps texting, hope you have a good day, if I got out then I get how was your night. I even had another date and he asked if I had sex and did the guy want me.
    I absolutely adore this man and have fallen hard, how do I get him to commit to having a normal relationship and get introduced to his mother instead of all the sneaking around and me being a secret.

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  10. joyce says:

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  11. Katherine says:

    I’m seeing this guy for about a month and we slept together once. I’m 32 and he’s 47. He does want a committed relationship. However he texts me everyday the odd time we go one day without text. But he really starting gettin into me after I slept with him. I spend the night at his house twice and he hugs me all night long. He says me misses me alittle bit. I’m lost and need help.

    • Katherine says:

      Sorry he doesn’t want a committed relationship. And when ever I bring up the situation of commitment he lets
      Me go he’s a aquarious.

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  13. jessy says:

    theirs this boy lets call him: sid. Sid likes me and is always flirting and stuff he even catches the bus just to see me and we walk to class together, we have known each other since we were kids and our mums are really good friends. he is like the class clown the cool kid the leader of the pack anyway all the girls have a crush on him and he likes me and I like him he told me himself but when I asked him out he said “no” in those exact words and ive liked him for 3 years and he still likes me coz he likes how I am random, funny and play video games unlike most other girls, if he likes me why wont he go out with me? he is really confusing me one second he likes me and the next second he doesn’t PLEASE HELP!!!

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  15. Diamond says:

    Thank you Kash…helped with my issue!

  16. Kash says:

    Oh and forgotten. He likes her! Well I like cheese, and ice creams. SHe should want a guy who loves her, unconditionally! that is what we want for life not someone who only just like us.
    Look around girl I am sure there is someone there who will not only like you but love you and be there for you.

  17. Kash says:

    Hi Mat,
    I read yor response to that question and I strongly disagree with your advice.
    The guy is hot and cold for nearly a year. He says he wants to keep things casual. It is so obvious he does not want to have a committed relationship with her. Period. She should say bye to him and find someone else who would treat her better. He is not a man who deserves her.
    Nearly a year and a guy is on and off – who would like to have a man like this anyway.
    This is what I would say to a guy who is hot and cold after 3 months: I need to know if I am investing in the future. And since it is pretty clear that after 3 months you are on and off and talk about wanting things only casual I need to say good bye to you. And I would say good bye and leave.
    If he follows then he could be my bf, if not then well … next.
    Bf calls a girl every day or very often, he is excited to see her, includes a girl in his life, says he loves her, talks about the future with her, and is not scared to commit – obviously with the reasonable period of time. But after a year his behaviour is not acceptable. Of course we could analyse the girl behaviour to find out what she could improve for the future in terms of men. But with this one the only mistake she is doing now is accepting a lame guy in her life. Dont waste more time girl. Dump him and find soemone who will treat you right.

  18. RAY says:

    Awesome article and 100% accurate to my current situation. O allowed a male friend of mine and I to behave as though we were dating but wouldnt commit when we are so good together so I finally decided I love me more and had to cut everything off at the root and make room for someone who truly wants to be there with me.

  19. Savannah Filip says:

    Kind of new to this but I am going crazy.. I really love this wonderful man I have known for over two years now. He expressed love to me too.. and we were in a relationship. We’re out now and most of it is my fault but this is limited so I won’t go into that. Anyway he tells me he loves me and is wonderful to me like I was still his girl only he does not see any future with us (marriage, kids etc) and it is killing me inside.. because I still see him that way. I want to walk away and let him just find true happiness somewhere else and with who he loves and wants etc…but the selfish side to me keeps staying.. what do I do? I want his love so much but I know he will not change his mind..

    • Maude says:

      Hi Savannah,
      I am NOT a dating expert but I can relate to your story so I thought I would drop you a message. I think it all depends on what you want. Do you want to get married and have children etc? If yes, then I think the answer is to leave this person to be. You deserve to be happy and to have all your needs fulfilled. Love is important but as I am learning (I am not quite there yet, easier said then done!!) it’s not everything. If you don’t have the same values, if you don’t want the same thing in life, it can’t possibly work. I grew up in a family that taught me that when there’s love in a relationship, everything is possible and this is why I am here today, always wondering why my relationships don’t work, expecting something from someone who just can’t give it to me. Anyways, I hope 2012 will be a new start for you :) I wish you all the best. xx

  20. Summer says:

    Hi Matt!

    This summer I’ve been abroad for a month and I met a very special boy, we’re both 18 and I’m 90% sure he loved me. Nothing happened during the trip because of ou shyness, but we stayed all the time together. When the trip was over at first we used to talk a lot by the internet but it changed overnight. All of a sudden he stopped showing interest on me. I tried to let him know my thoughts. Moreover, we’ve promised to see each other nect summer. What’s going on? Did he stop loving me? It’s been almost two months since we haven’t talk.
    I’ll be so pleased to know your opinion, it’s my last hope.

    • jessy says:

      by the sounds of it he isn’t interested anymore just move on, if he doesn’t like you anymore and didn’t bother to tell you then he isn’t worth it find someone who is worth it and you feel more comfortable with.

  21. LarLa says:

    Hi Matt. I had a similar situation as the reader and I have to admit I didn’t handle it very well at the time. I want this guy back in my life now (its a few months later). We occasionally talk and we at the same wedding this past weekend and talked/teased. Our mutual friends tell me to forget it as he’s “messed up with relationships”. Basically he has trouble committing from what they’ve told me. I really like this guy and think he could be the one. Argh! Loving your site and videos! Wish you would do a seminar close to where I live!

    LarLa

  22. Rose oezkara says:

    Hi Matt,

    I was wondering where can I purchase the 3 part DVD ?

    Thanks a million for your help in advance.

    Rose

  23. Hanna says:

    Hey I Thinks this is interesting as. I like they way you exsplain things i feel like somone “UNDERSTANDS” me its cool that your do this the way it should be done love x

  24. Mina says:

    Hi Matt … how r u? firstly i LOOOOOVE ur vdo … so useful!!! :D
    I’ve been dating 1 guy for about a month.. he seems interested to me we’ve kissed and went out for dinner often.. every time i text him he’ll reply all the time … but the thing is i’m never ask him that are we in relationship … and not sure that i should ask it or not…. other reason is because we’re different culture I’m Thai and he’s Aussie … so for Asian normally we ask is we’re boyfriend&girlfriend … but somehow i have feeling about Western or Europe the word relationship sounds too commitment :P so now just say we are on dating stage … but if he’s say we’re in relationship i’ll be happy too lol

    Do you have any suggestion? should I ask? or just keep on like this till the time will b an answer? and if I should ask how do i begin? I don’t want to sound too pushy :(

    THank you in advance :)

    xxoo
    Mina

    PS. Sorry if some of my eng grammar not perfect :)

  25. Judy says:

    Matt I am an 47 year old women back in the dating field, and I have men approach me all the time, i do know what i want and wont settle for less, however it seems this day and age because we are not virgins men want sex right away with out even getting to know you. My question to you is how to tell the guy and I have and I basically said i was interested in having sex until i am in a committed exclusive relationship then he could have it 4 times a day if he wanted LOL well i heard from the guy a couple of times but not as much interest so maybe he is just fishing? you tell me

    Thanks Judy

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