How To Know If You’re Ready To Move In Together

In this week’s episode of LOVELife, I take a question from Amber about moving in with her boyfriend. She’s torn with the decision and we discuss whether now is the “right” time, and how she can determine so in a risk-free way. Enjoy!

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12 Responses to How To Know If You’re Ready To Move In Together

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  1. Emily Shepard says:

    Dude–sometimes it’s the guy who says “aw, our first tea cups!” But yeah, my sister and all my best friends who are still together with their spouses lived together first. (Okay, some who aren’t still together with their partners also lived together first but we’ll ignore that.) All of them said that they knew that it was good because they’d test-driven it first, but then getting married added something more, so it wasn’t actually boring.

    Living with ANYONE is gonna be hard. I pity the fool who doesn’t get the advice in this video from *someone* before they sign something binding.

  2. Laura says:

    Hi Matt, this video was very timely!

    I am about to move into a renting flat with my boyfriend at the end of this week. However we already started living together 10 months ago at first as friends and with other roommates about. Now we are moving on from our current accomodation to a new flat just the two of us. A few friends have said “It’s too soon”. But I feel our situation is unique because I already know what it is like to live with him and be around him 24/7 – and he’s great to live with! We have discussed wanting our own place for months because we want our own privacy as a couple. We have also made it clear we need to have me-time sometimes and go out with friends on our own. I am very much looking forward to the move. However I can’t help but heed the warnings and scare stories – am I just naive and moving too fast? Or are they just ill-informed by gossip/mags and falling into cliches about what they think should be the appropriate pace to go by when going through stages of a relationship? I just feel like as we have already lived together for so long, living in separate homes just for the sake of what society seems appropriate would not make any sense and would be a step back in our relationship. Am I missing something?

    I would love thoughts on this, from Matt, Stephen or any other readers otherwise!

    Laura x

  3. Emily says:

    So did you PLAN to talk about you’re hat and what you were wearing in the first minutes of this radio episode? ;)

  4. Margot says:

    Hugo Boss, eh? No endorsement intended?

  5. Maria says:

    Hi Matthew,

    I, too, feel I would want to live with someone before getting married.

    I would definitely take a week-long vacation with my man to see how that goes before living together, LOL.

    I feel moving in with someone you’d have to find out what each of your expectations will be not only financially but in other areas of taking care of a household as well, and ask yourself if it’s something you’d be comfortable with at this stage of your romance.

  6. Jill says:

    Matt, babe we don’t have teacups we’re Americans we have coffee mugs ;)
    I have to be honest I think it’s kind of sad everyone is shacking up before they get married. Sometimes it’s great but I also feel it’s a way to skate around real commitment. I mean seriously if you get tired of someone it’s as simple as, “Get Out” but if you’re married you have to work at things or just get a divorce like everyone else. Point being is it’s a lot less work and effort to just live together…just sayin

    • JJ says:

      I agree Jill. At least don’t move in together unless you have an engagement ring with a date set and wedding plans already in the works. Most of my friends who have lived together without wedding plans end up marrying other people and it’s usually the guy who moves on first.

  7. Darla says:

    Matt-Interesting views I know so much more about you now. Here is what I feel is the best for couples. I think she is asking the wrong question. What about the option of not doing it. I feel it will never benefit the couple to move in together. The relationship should grow and develop without living together to give it the better opportunity to be a full and lasting potential marriage. (if that is where you think it’s going) The benefits of living together probably means to him-a perpetual woody/ easy access to sex ( although women love sex also) and she gets to care for his needs and sharing life together ( I know guys want emotional support too) but probably not more commitment. Research backs this up the harmful risk. For example, couples who live together before marriage increase risk factors for divorce-increases the probability greatly. Also including higher rates of unplanned pregnancy, physical violence, infidelity, and lower levels of marital quality. I don’t know about you but I want to protect myself- my guy from these things. Better to date him another year to clarify your relationship and lower risks then put your future on the line for sex, companionship, love or another reason that “feels” right at the moment. Take care! 

  8. Hannah says:

    Hi Matt,

    Great video as always, you’re so articulate and you have a great platform which is why I think for your next video, you should mention what’s happening in Gaza. You’re not afraid of what people think and you’re human so you can’t think what’s happening to these civilians is humane! No matter what, killing hundreds of innocent people, and a lot of them being children, is wrong. I’m not asking you to go into great depth about the subject because there is no need. All that is important now is saving these peoples’ lives so that the death toll doesn’t rise in Gaza, we don’t need more children being killed! Encourage your viewers to take a stand and realize this is not right. I am encouraging it, we should all unite for Palestine! Kepp them in your prayers.

    Really do think you’re awesome Matt, keep up the great work
    Best Wishes,
    Hannah xx

  9. Thirza says:

    Hi Matthew im so Sorry that i did’nt comment on your post for so long. But alott has happened to me and etc.
    Too be short about it i have had a eating disored but i overwin it i’m so ashamed to write this i never thought i overcomes me but we also human en we learn from the mistakes we make. In the meanwhile i still have my internship in the bakkery. And i’m also having found a vacationjob after so many rejections more than 7 believe me i was so hard to search a another one and than still keep believing that i may work out.
    But luckily in life you have two options 1:Stand up and face your fears 2: Face your fears and learn from it and rise or something like that :P

    But i lucklily i got a vacation by the Mcdonalds
    and i always said two years ago that i never wanted to work there even when it was the last place on earth.
    now you know how life works ou sometimes. Sometimes you have no choices anymore if you wanna earn some money right?

    Im so Sorry That i didn’t comment earlier.
    I have one question for you ?
    If i may see a nice guy or something you never know right ;) how can i start a conversation with him
    im a shy girl and i’m almost a wallflower nobody notice me atleast i think how can you start a conversation with him without being akward i know being yourself it’s the main thing what you can do how can you handle something like the.

    Lovely Greetz From Thirza From The Netherlands
    And Yeah now one year older than when i first commented your blog i mean a 16 year old girl :P

    Reply

  10. Darla says:

    Matt-Interesting views I know so much more about you now. Here is what I feel is the best for couples. I think she is asking the wrong question. What about the option of not doing it. I feel it will never benefit the couple to move in together. The relationship should grow and develop without living together to give it the better opportunity to be a full and lasting potential marriage. (if that is where you think it’s going) The benefits of living together probably means to him-a perpetual woody/ easy access to sex ( although women love sex also) and she gets to care for his needs and sharing life together ( I know guys want emotional support too) but probably not more commitment. Research backs this up the harmful risk. For example, couples who live together before marriage increase risk factors for divorce-increases the probability greatly. Also including higher rates of unplanned pregnancy, physical violence, infidelity, and lower levels of marital quality. I don’t know about you but I want to protect myself- my guy from these things. Better to date him another year to clarify your relationship and lower risks then put your future on the line for sex, companionship, love or another reason that “feels” right at the moment. Take care!

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