In this episode of LOVELife I take a question from Meghan, how do I tell if a guy is worth keeping around, or if cheating is their game?
How To Spot A Cheater
- Relationship & Dating Blog | Matthew Hussey
- Published date:
- Relationship & Dating Blog | Matthew Hussey
- Published date:
Hi Matt, that is some very smart advice thank you!
I just want to add some of the red flags that I didn’t pay attention to when I was married to my husband who repeatedly cheated on me.
The first was that he had low self esteem. Pay attention to where he gets his validation from to boost his confidence. If he hears stories about people cheating, listen to his attitude on it. Mine had a ‘what goes on tour stays on tour attitude. Also he had an addictive personality. In this case it was to work and alcohol and smoking. He didn’t have the ability to put boundaries on his relationships.
Lastly don’t let being cheated on define you. I am now in a relationship with a really great guy and despite how I was treated in the past I trust him because we have much more open and honest communication.
You know what, you just made me to reverse my thinking about sb who is really close to my heart. I have become really close with that guy dring last year. We got involved a bit, but turned out he has a girlfriend and later admitted me he is used to cheat on each of his girlfriends. He presented it as a prychological issue he cannot get over. It was easy to flag him as ‘cheater’. To put this short, we ended up in friend zone and I can say we are very close friends now and keep incredible chemistry. I kind of value him, because he has had enough respect for me, to not made me one of these girls he is cheating on. And here is what I can say about him: He is a loyal guy! He has been incredibly loyal friend and always treated me with respect. And maybe none of his girlfriends ever told him, so he lost his confidence. Maybe he hasn’t valued them because they were not showing enough self-respect. When is the nearest opportunity, I’m going to tell him how I appreciate his loyal friendship, because honestly I have very few people around me like him;-).
aww loved this! Thank you Megan for bringing it up and obviously thank you Matt for the wise words!
Keep rocking!
xxx
R
I’m in a bad situation. Caught my guy on a dating site . I broke up with he and he wanted me back. Told him if he continues to behave in that kind of way I don’t want a relationship from him. He says he’ll change and deactivated the account but I still don’t trust him. We have been together for a year and everything was fine at first. Now, this happens and I’m so lost and devastated. We live 45mins away and I see him on the weekends, we are intimate every time we see each other ,we go out and do things, idk what made him do that??? Also, when we are apart ,we talk everyday. I’m extremely lost and I really need some help. Idk if I’m doing something wrong or what but this is the worst feeling to have. Please help.
I think if you listen to the above radio piece & the other related advice (in his other videos) from Matthew it will really clear things up and show you what you need to see and how to proceed. When you hear them though, put yourself in the situation. Don’t focus on how the details of their situation differ from yours, but grasp the bigger picture, the concept. It all applies to all of us ESPECAILLY when we have had the same end result (i.e. cheated on, in this case).. Pay attention to the red flags, and for goodness sakes girlie, Never think it’s your fault. Being cheated on is not the effect of anything you have done or not done. It is not an option for “normal”, healthy men. The fact that he made the choice to do it should tell you enough. The reason he was sorry and took it down was because he was busted. That is a HUGE RED FLAG. You don’t need to live your life always trying to bust him or find out his secrets, you never will (esp. since he lives in another town). It will only make you obsessed & off track. Instead, I suggest you break up with him and make yourself a profile on a dating website. Find yourself a GOOD MAN, who is already good. Ot one who is good simply because he got “busted” or is otherwise being forced into it. That is the recipe for nothing but trouble for your future. Wnd it now when the only hurt he has caused is this. Because it most likely, will not stop.
Matthew! You are SO RIGHT! I am so happy to know that you exist and are helping the world to be a better and more healthy, wiser place! You are instilling common sense that has sadly, became less common – & you are doing it in the way that most “teachers”/leaders fail to impliment & that is by breaking it down. Step by step, so it becomes attainable! It’s one thing to say, “this is what needs to be done” but it’s a whole separate thing to break it down & show HOW it is done! For that, you are a rare and beautiful asset to the world! Thank you!!