Is It Wrong To Date Lots Of Different Men?

I don’t exactly have my pulse on pop stars and who they are dating but I have noticed that there seems to be a lot of vitriol directed at Taylor Swift and its not for whether or not she can hit all the noted. People, and more specifically women, seem to be very upset about the fact that she dates around a bit….ok, a lot. What’s confusing to me is that I hear a lot of women complain that when men date a lot they are considered studs and when women date a lot they are considered loose, so why all the hate directed at Taylor Swift?

At first I thought that it might be jealousy. She seems to have dated a lot of guys the most of my girl friends admit to having crushes on. Its understandable that you might want to put yourself in her shoes. And if she dated multiples of them it might even seem she was being a bit greedy. But, overwhelmingly, it seems its not about that but about the fact that she doesn’t take enough time in between relationships, or that she’s going through them to fast. Does the public only like Taylor Swift when she is heartbroken, alone and writing a song about it?

In my seminars I have come across the phenomena that when a girl likes a guy she immediately stops dating any one else. Again, this is when she just likes a guy. Not after the first time he shows interest, or after the first day. This starts when she sets her sights on him. My advise in this situation is always the same: when you are in the initial phases of liking or dating someone you should always keep the door open to meeting new people. That way just in case it doesn’t work out with the crush, you still have choices and options. It’s important to note that just because you have these options, it doesn’t mean you are exercising them, but simply having great people around you will have you putting less emphasis on the situation, which is really attractive to your crush.

The reaction I generally get from women is that they just can’t. Once they pick a guy no one else exists. I can’t imagine if I told them you should date multiple people or if I said its okay to date someone for a couple of months just to see how it goes and then have someone else lined up if it doesn’t.

Finding options and creating choice in your life is a challenge. A goal that can be accomplished with effort and some perseverance. Thinking that you don’t deserve to have them or that they are not appropriate for your life can be a major roadblock. Because even if you only want one special man, it usually takes a series of experiences with MEN (plural!) to get there.

I want to hear from you: is it wrong to date lots of different men? Is it okay to date different men at the same time? Sound off in the comments below.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Matt x

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

68 Responses to Is It Wrong To Date Lots Of Different Men?

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  1. Moo Moo Tran says:

    No. From personal experience, I meet a guy I really liked but my date rejected him because papa said he was ugly. And my father encouraged me to date other men. When I ignored his advice, dad had my aunty invite me on a long vacation far away. After separating us, I returned home and now dad was able to talk me into seeing other guys. So I told my guy that papa said so. My boyfriend said he would wait for me. But when I returned to him after 6 montages of seeing other men, wI had poisoned the relationship. He was constantly angry now and often called me a slut when other men looked at me. Sad but I never got married. Why? Dad kept talking me out of relationships. And if that didn’t work, he drove them away with violent threats. Oh well. No grandkids for him. But ultimately, I was to blame.

  2. Nancy DeJesus says:

    I don’t think it is…I was married to one man for a number of years and very devoted to him even to overlook his cheating ways a couple of times. This cheat time…He became verbally, sexually and monetarily abusive towards me for the 2 years before I threw him out and filed for divorce…only to discover that he was on his 3 round of cheating. I had no desire to go from one man to another and maybe a worse situation. Dating many different men has allowed me to develop the good qualities I want and also focus on red flag behaviors that I overlooked during my first marriage. Dating doesn’t have to involve sex…that’s your individual choice. But what is important is getting tip know one another on multiple levels.. Asking many questions along the way and getting truly in tune with what you want and how you want it in a new relationship.

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  4. Nicole says:

    Hey Matt Just one quick question :)

    Should we date other men even if we are married or in a long term relationship?

  5. Jamie says:

    I see nothing wrong with dating different guys at the same time. If we haven’t established we are dating exclusively, it shouldn’t be a big deal. I’ve let great men get away because I was focused solely on one person that down the road wasn’t interested in any kind of commitment anyway. Don’t be foolish ladies!

  6. Lynn says:

    I think it’s important for women in their early 20s to “circular date.” It is important from the standpoint that if you don’t meet and date a lot of people, you won’t have a very good idea of what you really need or want in a relationship. Dr. Henry Cloud talks about that in “How to Get a Date Worth Keeping” – that you should date with the objective of getting to know people from different walks of life, who might or might not be your type, so you get a better sense of what kind of person you’re looking for. After age 30 (if you didn’t get married at 18 and divorced at 29, that is – if you were single in your 20s and dated a lot) you should have a better idea of what you need. Adults over 30 (and moreso, over 40) have a pretty good idea of what they want, and don’t need to waste a lot of time looking around, figuring things out. For the 35-ish set, it’ important to get really targeted in your dating, and not accept anyone and everyone as a potential date. Amy Webb’s book “Data: A Love Story” is a good example of how successful this approach can be, once you have a really clear picture of all your “data points” – i.e. qualities you must have in a partner.

  7. Rivka says:

    It depends on what you mean by dating multiple people. If you mean hanging out and having fun with, until you commit to one person who also commits to you, it’s great. But if dating lots of people means sleeping with all of them.. :( No.

  8. Val says:

    Hey Matt!
    Well, thi is what I do! I like dating different guys. There’s nothing wrong with that. It can help you identify your real needs, plus it boosts your self-confidence, right? The only drawback is the fact that when you finally make a decision and want to stay with only one of these guys, you should let the others know that you’re not interested anymore, which is kinda difficult to do. Be open-minded girls. Don’t let things happen for you! If you really wanna meet a great guy, you have to go out and find him!! ;)

  9. Goldberry says:

    Apparently a few decades ago dating several men at once was the normal way to do things. But of course if you started to get serious about one you would stop seeing the others. If Taylor Swift is “getting serious” about one guy after another I can see how that would be irritating.

    I think dating several guys at once is a good option, because it takes the pressure off and gives you more time with different people so you can make a good decision. I’ve never had the opportunity, though. :-)

  10. Jessica says:

    Interesting, though when I was single I never had a problem with this, I dated sever guys at one time and had a blast doing it, discovering what I want and DON’t want. I think dating around (notice I didn’t say sleeping around) is a form of growth because it teaches you not to settle. I didn’t settle down with one guy until I was sure he was THE ONE. He matched most of the checks on my list.
    I have far too many friends who have settled for the guy who was good for now not the one they should be with.

  11. Lina says:

    Matthew,

    You have rightly pointed out that it is indeed a challenge for us women keeping options open once we’ve set our eyes on someone. It might just be the way we are wired as men usually don’t have this problem. I’ve always admired how some men can have multiple genuine relations / relationships with different women. I didn’t think it’s inappropriate, I envied them because they had a richer life than I had. I’m 28 years old and I have finally learned how to do it and be happy (guilt free!)

  12. Thea says:

    Hi Matthew!

    I’ve only recently come across your book, I was a bit sceptical about the title at first but a sneak peak led me to read the whole thing and it’s great! A totally different perspective and really useful, so much in fact I’ve even shared it on my blog!

    I love Taylor Swift actually, her songs are too catchy! From what I see I don’t think she dates multiple men at a time but just one after the other and this relationship hopping can be really hurtful especially if, as she alludes to in her songs, she’s always falling ‘in love’. ‘In love’ is a different level to just liking. Some people get crushes easily and others like myself don’t, so, assuming Taylor is the former, I can see how this can be quite frustrating for women seeing it.

    I don’t really have a problem with it but I do get a little worried however that, whereas it was real when she was younger, she may now only be using the guys/the relationships as a muse for her songs, but we as we don’t know her personally we shouldn’t judge.

    I think a thing to determine is what the term ‘dating’ means for you. I used to think that once you started dating someone that was it – you focus on them to the exclusion of all men and eventually they’d become your boyfriend. Once I had a crush I would even stop thinking of other men because I wanted my crush to know I was totally single and available but my view has changed and I now see ‘dating’ as an opportunity just to get to know more about a guy. You can date someone once or multiple times without it becoming serious and if this is the case why can’t you date multiple men at one time? Like making friends…

    As someone commented earlier, if you lay your cards on the table early in the dating process then you have nothing to worry about. I personally, would keep it meeting up only and no sex during that time. If I really like someone that strongly though and I think it can really go somewhere (i.e I’m falling in love with them) then I stop seeing others and start a serious relationship i.e. they become my ‘boyfriend’.

    I’ve tried both and I think this works for me. Each to their own though. Taylor is probably looking for Mr Right just as we all are so maybe Matthew, you could send her your book!

  13. Cate says:

    Matt, I think Taylor would thank you for this article, clearing things up and all.

    Of course, I don’t stop being friends with other people just because I’m spending more time with someone. How is that morally loose right? But there’s where it all gets confusing. Where I am, we have to be careful to establish that we’re “not going a date” when we meet someone alone, because going on a date/going out alone with the opposite sex automatically makes it a relationship to many people here. Including my parents. Worse if you are to listen to my neighbours’ gossips…

    I guess the “line” drawn between dating and being in a boy/girlfriend relationship is not an absolute. That, or people are just confused about what they believe in.

  14. Kat says:

    Sorry I didn’t understand. Is having a boyfriend equal to dating? English is my second language, so I am not sure about that…
    If they are the same, does it mean that these ladies have a boyfriend and see other guys at the same time???

  15. Kat says:

    Sorry I didn’t understand. Does that mean its is ok to have a boyfriend and see other guys at the same time? English is not my first language so I don’t know if you date someone, it means he is your boyfriend? Or before you call someone a boyfriend it is called dating? Could you please explain for me? Thanks :)

  16. Lerae says:

    Hi,
    I have started on a search for that special person. I have not found him yet but I am sure he is out there. I have been dating multiple men at the same time and I never kept it a secret. I also told each of them that I recommend they do the same thing, leaving sex out of the picture. I do not kiss either. Becoming friends is a very important role in realizing if you are compatible or not. I don’t want to rush into anything only to find that I really don’t like the guy. By me waiting and talking with these guys, I have found there are several that I am not compatible with and some that are on the verge of stalker. LOL I also find when dating multiple men, I don’t waste time and I have a better understanding of what I want and do not want.
    Thank you so much for the valuable information. I would have never made it this far without it. I have met 12 guys and I was not even nervous. What a relief. :) thanks again!!

  17. Catherine Duncan says:

    THE EXACT NUMBER OF MEN REQUIRED IS 3

    1) Place on high heat.
    2) Place on simmer
    3) Place on the back burner

  18. Liza says:

    Hi Matthew,

    My humble opinion is that we put people in boxes. Taylor’s image used to be a sweet girl in monogamous relationships, then her heart gets broken. Now her dating strategy has changed and we resent her for it. We feel duped by her. We feel she should not have cashed in on her love songs in the past and used her sweet and innocent image to sell CDs.

    When we put people in boxes (especially celebrities) it’s more a reflection of what we do in our private lives. Do we not resent out BF-gf ‘changing’ after the initial honeymoon period? How about husband/wife?

    Case in point, there are a lot of other celebrities who maintain their date many different people but we are more accepting because it’s what we expected (cue George Clooney, Paris Hilton etc.). No one kicks up a fuss about them.

  19. Izzy says:

    Hi Matt,

    honestly I think dating one man at a time is just one of our instincts, not saying that is necessarily correct but generally we are taught that that is what is acceptable, and if we do other-wise we will develop a name for ourselves. I honestly think that is a good thing if you keep your options open, I have recently been put in a situation where a guy has lead me on, told me that he has fancied me and then stated that we are: “friends”. I wish now that I had taken that number from the cute guy I met on the train, not out of revenge, but out of regret. I am not saying that you should jump frog from one relationship to the next, but not stay single simply because society thinks you should. I think if you are attracted to someone then do what you say “don’t wait, create” because you don’t want to miss a chance of something that could be great.

    izzy x

  20. M says:

    I have had better experiences with liking more than one guy at a time, it helps me not get all weird and clingy with just one guy (which I want to never do again). Guess you could use it as a way to train yourself to have more things going on in your life while still being a confident person that doesn’t do that “crazy clingy thing”.

  21. Magdalena says:

    Hi
    I dont like multiple dating. I prefer to get to know the one person and if it doesnt work then to change. If its not something long, change can be made in one day but if we had some connection i would rather get complete with that first before dating someone quickly to forget that pain because when i am emotional i dont choose well haha :D I wouldnt want to date a guy who has me in competition neither and comparing me to the 5 other girls he is dating at the same time. Why should i do it to guys then ? For me we have more value as humans then to be evaluated according to some weighting of invalid reasons. Thats all bulshit u can never know the person enough to judge and estimae his future behaviour or i dunno what. Guys i wish you less deciding and more of choosing. When you are choosing you dont need reasons for that or security or insurance because nothing is sure nothing lasts forever you just waste your time by hesitating and being careful and other useless things.

  22. Mary says:

    Definitely agree with dating multiple people until a Favorite rises above the rest to the top of the list and you BOTH agree to be exclusive with each other (and that really should be HIS idea). And while dating those multiple people, including The Favorite (the one you think/hope will rise to the top of the heap), do not sleep with ANY of them, *including* The Favorite! Not until you’re both in agreement that you’re in an exclusive, monogamous, committed relationship. It’s the best way to ensure a future with The Favorite, and to protect your heart if there isn’t one.

    I’ve taken this advice to heart myself, and it is helping me not to obsess my ‘Favorite’, which is good because (a) it keeps me from having him consume my every emotion and thought 24/7, (b) it keeps me from throwing too much needy energy at him, which would surely push him away, and (c) if it doesn’t work out with him, then I’m not completely crushed because I haven’t totally lost myself in him, and I can then resume other avenues in my romantic life without skipping a beat.

  23. Jules says:

    Wow just got your book on my IPad so excited, might just have to take a peak before lights out :) x

  24. Leila says:

    I was reading something about How I Met Your Mother (the TV show) and how people are annoyed ’cause we don’t know who the mother is.
    But I realised that what made the show so good, that Ted actually does not find the right woman straight away. What makes it exciting is the search, the ups and downs and all that. As specators just like in real life, we just need to learn how to ‘love the process’.

  25. Natalija says:

    Hi Matt, you are genius.

    Ladies, think we just gave men an indulgence, (from LAT’indulgentia’)by admitting we are ok with multiple dating for ourselves, so the whole manhood can feel even ‘more comfortable’ doing the same thing! :)(validation)

    Are we not made from a different substance, that makes us unbelievably quickly emotionally attached to somebody who we think is ‘the one’ and become more attractive but slightly ‘blind’ to the rest of ‘yang’ population?

    We can date one or many, it’s our choice after all, as long as we won’t mix up their names :)

    Taylor..let her do whatever she feel comfortable with. (a little test for us how to overcome envy). One day she might discover something so deep and close to her heart, that desire to reveal the news to the world disappears and … her ‘look, not looks’ will change. I’d love to see that ‘magic’.

    Remaining a very much devoted reader and not a very native speaker. :)x

  26. Millie H says:

    I’m not sure what the big deal is…. if people don’t like her music or don’t want to read about her dating life don’t buy her albums, turn off the radio and put down the gossip mag! The most interesting thing about this topic is no one is questioning the source of the information in which brings us this enlightening news; There’s a good chance that these ‘so-called’ dates may not be as they appear.

    The truth is if we want to find someone who is right for us, we may have to take a leaf out of Taylor’s book and go on a series of dates until we find them. There is no other way! The right person will not magically appear or be shot down from heaven, they need to be found…. and the search for the right person is half the fun!

  27. Neeli says:

    Hi Matthey,
    I only date one guy right now. I do have a huge crush on him and since we are dating about 4-5 months, things get more serious. However, I don’t think it’s wrong to date different men. When Im talking about dating I think of getting to know each other before committing to a relationship
    and that’s the only way to find “mr. right”.

  28. Flowers says:

    Hi Matt, I think it’s good that she is taking charge and following her heart. I really don’t see the problem. Maybe people just think you should be strong enough without needing “rebounds” in between? Anyway you are so right about us women stopping to see other guys once we’ve decided we like someone. This happens automatically so we usually don’t need to worry about staying monogamous haha, but I don’t like the person I become when that happens. I feel weaker, and this time although I’ve been seeing other guys and trying them out while seeing the guy I like, I just can’t find chemistry with the other ones. I don’t know if this is because Im naturally picky and haven’t been lucky, or if it actually is because of the guy I like. Anyway I wasn’t even thinking about what I was doing or if it was wrong, because until he shows he is willing to commit I can’t be wasting my time waiting, right? But lately, I found out that I probably am kind of a back-up to him as well. He isn’t “seeing” anyone else he told me, but his friend said I am not really the woman he wants, there is someone else and I(!) am the back-up. This really hurt at first, but then I realized that is the same way I was seeing him before I started to like him. You can’t really control where in the line you are for someone else until they start to like you, right? Although, if it were me, had I known he had feelings for me I would have never allowed it to progress or “lead him on”.

    So, my question is, if this is how you should view dating multiple people, should I be ok with being his back-up? Should I take THIS as a reason to why he is blowing hot and cold (because he doesn’t want to get deeply involved)? I’ve stopped contacting him to see what he wants, but should I be ok and still try to make him want me, can I still respect myself then? I guess what’s really bugging me is, I don’t mind the competition if he is going for what he wants, I just can’t stand it if he is with me because it didn’t work out with the other girl. But would someone really do that? He really doesn’t seem that needy, I sometimes just think his friend doesn’t know him well enough.. Thank you

  29. Stella says:

    Hello Mat,
    watch this video and you’ll see why people “hate” her dating life.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1-7V59tp2E

  30. jamie says:

    I don’t “hate on” Taylor for dating so much- but I admit it always surprises me when I hear she’s with someone new. I think it’s that she moves on so quickly… I feel like most women need time to process feelings on ended relationships.

  31. Sheila says:

    Matthew, sounds like you’re sympathetic since you’re a serial dater as well. Both serve as research for your careers, and for the benefit of the public. I think the problem is she can’t hold a long-term relationship (3months max), and that she “falls hard” and was “in love” with many “boyfriends” over the last year. Sounds like she could use your help.

  32. Rosie says:

    My comment is not so much about the Taylor thing but about rejecting a guy and the guy becoming an ass with you. I understand That it hurts but why be a jerk with the girl? What does it mean besides being upset? I’m Completely confuse, It’ll be great to hear it from a guys point of view. Thanks

  33. Lucy says:

    I don’t think it’s wrong to date different men. I definitely am not able to focus completely on one guy and be head over heels for him. No man has really stimulated that reaction from me, not since I was a teenager. I’m more cynical about this. It’s very easy to put ourselves and other people into boxes. I have deal-breakers and values that the guy has to agree with but I wouldn’t say I have a type.

    But on the issue of dating multiple people, I’m not sure I’d date someone when there’s another option in the background. I want to be fully emotionally invested before I get serious with someone. Your post is very relevant to online dating because that’s basically what it involves. You get less attached to any one guy because you have lined up meetings with others. It allows you to be more emotionally distanced. Online dating has actually been eye-opening to me because I’ve been able to consider dating more objectively, if that’s even possible.

  34. Audrey says:

    me personally when a man draws me I immediately disregard of other people around me that is what I did with my previous relationship and now I regret because I am alone. for the future if I like a man I would not let the door closed the other guys (I am no longer the woman who overnight will no longer new) because I do not know what tomorrow will bring. PS: sorry for my english but i’m french

  35. Jill says:

    One of my friends tweeted Maybe it’s time Taylor Swift wrote a song called “Maybe I am the problem” I know it’s mean but when you go through that many heart breaks it’s about time you stepped back and did some evaluating

  36. Jill says:

    In order to find that one special person it’s usually a good idea to date more then just one. I think we have forgotten that just because you go on a date doesn’t mean you are in a exclusive relationship. In this day we are too worried about being alone we forget to enjoy life and take things as they come. Trust me I know being single sometimes is hard but don’t let that determine your happiness.
    As for Taylor she is young and I just hope she isn’t one of those who has to be in a relationship especially when she’s gonna turn around and write a song about it. I just think she will look back one day and be so embarrassed that she let everyone know all her emotions. Going back to the whole fear of being alone I’ve had so many friends who suffered from that syndrome that in the end their love lives became a big mess usually ending in divorce. I guess my point is be patient and make wise choices and don’t be in such a hurry.

  37. Kerly says:

    Nice topic Matthew!
    Some of my colleagues are astonished how many dates I always have and are not looking very nicely upon it either but tbh I don’t care and here’s why!

    I used to have the same problem.I would like one guy and suddenly what I call my ‘Men Radar’ would shut down.. I’d like to compare it with a horse who has those view blocker things on the side of their eyes, so they could only see in front and not on the sides because it can confuse them. It’ts the same.As soon as I started liking someone, immediately the radar shut down, eye-patces went on and all I saw was this one person even if it was just the dating phase. Thinking back it was obviously stupid as I took myself away from the market, set all my expectations on one person already without even knowing if he’s worthy or not and with one guy I actually never got to the wanted relationship but kind of was out of the market and hanging about for about 6 months!!! :D

    Now I’m smarter and even tho I have someone who I enjoy dating, I still try to keep my options open, I am not taken until the ‘girlfiend’ tag goes on.. but obviously all the dating that I do atm, I do whilst keeping in mind that I am a high value woman and I’ts nice to see who really makes an effort on the dates and compare, and at the same time not getting too fustrated if something goes worng. Its the same example as u made on ur ‘ Psychology of Entrepreneurship’ video- keep several plates moving at the same time:)))

    Love u Matthew:)

  38. Senaida says:

    Hahaha I have to laugh because my coworkers know just how much I do not “appreciate” Taylor Swift. They have asked me why? My explanation is simple, it seems as though she’s dating to get another hit single. It seems like she’s a man hater in her songs sometimes, why do that?

    As for the other topic, yes I’m guilty of doing the same, for me it’s a fear of the guy that I like thinking he doesn’t have a chance if he sees/hears about me with someone else. I also know that I shouldn’t close the door to other opportunities it just takes a lot of work to get out of the “fantasy world” and come back to earth long enough to get my head back in the game.

  39. Rachel says:

    This was really an eye opener for me. The part where you write about the women who stop dating when they have a crush, sounds exactly like me. I even stop looking at other guys when I have a crush on a guy.
    Maybe it’s biologically determined? And that’s why women don’t understand Tayler Swifts behavior, because it is more common with guys?
    Anyway, a late new year’s resolution for me will be: I will try to be more open for other guys and people in general, even when I have a crush. Thanks for the insight Matt!

  40. Bells says:

    Dating decent multiple guys isn’t easy. Because there are more coals than pearls out there, but I’d highly recommend it.

    The best effect this has is it takes the pressure off the dates, you can sit back, relax and let the relaxed, sexy you shine through.

  41. Kay says:

    She is young. And therefore highly likely to change. A lot of people jump from one romance to the next. The difference is she is growing up in public. I think it is unfair to judge and condemn her. It is healthier physically and emotionally to take time out if a romance ends. But for some people the best way to get over a guy is to get under the next one. I don’t mean to be crude. My point is that her conduct may change over time as she matures in a tricky environment having learned from her experiences. The guidance and advice she needs could arise from these. Writing is a good outlet but again it is public and therefore less likely to be sympathised with. I say don’t hate because we all make mistakes and at some point we were also an example of getting it wrong.

  42. Lauren says:

    I’ve noticed that women can get a little hostile toward another woman who is dating multiple people. I’ve done both, the monogamous relationship and the I’m just dating approach and the trick is to be honest up front with the guys – “I’m really enjoying meeting up with you but want you to know from the start, I’m seeing other people right now and totally respect if that’s not your thing” (what goes unsaid but is generally understood is “I’m not going to change that right now so if it’s not your thing,that’s cool and we’re going back to the friend zone.” There’s usually a moment early on where this can be communicated without being abrupt or out of context, doesn’t need to be attached to your initial introduction, “Hi I’m Lauren and I’m dating around” – No. But other people aren’t flies on the wall in these clarifying conversations and have a tendency to see the worst, assume your sneaking around. They project feeling protective of the guys you might be tricking because they fear being tricked themselves. Bottom line, if you’re going to date multiple guys, be prepared for scrutiny and some chastising… If you conduct your business respectfully, the scorn isn’t really about you at all. Those people are basing their reaction on past experiences or personal fears.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Lauren,

      Very insightful. The respect issue was brought up earlier in a comment and I have to agree that it can make or break the dating multiple people situation. Thanks for sharing! x

  43. Erin says:

    She can date whoever she wants…I just wish she’d stop singing!

  44. Asya says:

    There’s nothing wrong with dating around. I don’t think that’s what bothers most women about Taylor. The thing that most of my girlfriends find frustrating is her dating many guys and nonetheless being portrayed as a sweet innocent girl. Simultaneoulsy, someone like Mylie Syrus who’s been committed to one guy for over three years is perceived as a ‘low value woman’, if I may use get-the-guy approved terminology )) So, it all depends on the perspective

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Asya,

      That’s interesting, are you saying that if you date different men you automatically aren’t sweet or innocent? Thanks for commenting! x

  45. Fariza says:

    I never have (and most likely never would) date several men at once. Reason being, I wouldn’t like it if a guy I’m into is dating several other women at once. It would devastate me as I could only be seen as “one of the options” or “the back-up plan”. Vice versa, you know? So to put it into context, I wouldn’t want to do the same to a man I’m seeing. He would think I’m either leading him on or using him as a “back-up plan”. Dating and relationships are all about impressions you make on someone, and I don’t want to appear as a player in any man’s eyes. I would rather make him feel important by dating him only – one man at a time. IF that don’t work out, take time off, learn from the mistakes, get back on my feet AND THEN find someone new. That would also mean you respect that person enough not to find a “replacement” as soon as things don’t work out or already have a “replacement” prepared beforehand.

  46. Meredith says:

    For the most part, there really exists this strong internal response when a woman starts to date a man she likes. Suddenly she doesn’t think about other guys and she stops dating other guys or looking for other options. The guy on the other hand usually does not do that. Particularly in the US, what I notice is that men have less and less of a desire to be with one woman. Whether they’re looking for the next best thing, or they have intimacy and commitment issues, or they don’t know what they want, or they have decided they are only into a polyamorous lifestyle now that it has become in style, it’s rare to come across a guy who is willing to treat a woman like she’s the only one. The times are showing us women that it’s emotionally safer to keep dating a variety of men and not allow ourselves to get all excited or have our hopes up about being exclusive with one guy who most likely does not feel the same. It’s healthy to date around. We learn about what we don’t want and what we do want. We learn more about ourselves and others, and we improve our communication skills in the process (hopefully). Sure, we have the added pressure from society that still says that women who date around are sluts while men who date around are studs. Dating doesn’t necessarily imply having sex. Regardless, we simply have to decide if we’re going to create our own reality or if we’re going to let the non-committal guy we like or society’s made up rules determine our reality. Regarding Ms. Swift, I say good on her for dating different men. She knows she’s a woman of high value and she’s not going to settle for the first guy who pays attention to her and certainly not the guy who is not paying enough attention to her, no matter how much she may like him. Perhaps if her lifestyle bothers some women it’s only because they know this truth that we are speaking of, and they hate it, yet they feel threatened by Ms. Swift’s ability to do what the guys are doing and date around until she finds the man and the commitment that she wants.

  47. Fabiola says:

    I don’t think it’s wrong to have dates with different guys and I don’t understand why so much hate.. dont be jealousy! any girl dreams to have a date with any of his handsome ex-boyfriends ..GOOD FOR HER!

  48. Disa says:

    Argh I would like to take your seminar! You coming to New York anytime soon? :D

    It’s always been very hard for me to date more than one guy at a time, and of course it’s not that I’m too simple so I can only concentrate on one guy at a time. I’m just not interested in anyone else at that time. Maybe that’s the wrong way to look at it, I don’t know.

    I’m actually not like that when I MEET someone for the first time. I can have a little crush and still be meeting new people etc. but if it goes into dating and I’m very excited…at THAT moment I’m not interested in meeting anyone else because the beginning is always the most exciting part and kind of a rush. Then if the dating doesn’t go well I move on and no problem….if the guy ends it I sometimes get disappointed, sure! But if it’s in the beginning stages and he’s honest about why he’s ending it I can move on.

    To be completely honest I come from a country where no one knows how to date so when I moved to New York I was like a teenager starting out in the dating world. I don’t even understand how people find each other back home…! But that takes too long to explain :)

    But I definitely don’t think it’s wrong to date more than one guy at a time! And if Taylor Swift is doing that and is happy while doing it I don’t see a reason to be bitching about that. And while we’re at it…no girl can say that if all THOSE guys would be throwing themselves at you….wouldn’t you go for it? ;)

  49. Veronica says:

    It’s not wrong at all. To me it looks like she gets easily infatuated and kinda makes her look inmature by how short those relationships seem to be and kinda intense at the same time. All in all, my perception is she gets totally invested into a new relationship from the minute she puts eyes on someone and even though the relationship ends pretty fast, she’s equally fast to move onto the next one with the same intensity and so on, it just doesn’t make too much sense to me.

    If I just like a guy I will date him and so on but I won’t be as into him as if I was madly in love, obviously, Taylor doesn’t seem to make much of a difference.

  50. celeste says:

    Yes and no. I understand what you’re sayin’ and I agree with the whole have options. But sometimes it can backfire. If Dude #1 finds our you’re talking to 2 more dudes, he’s either gonna think you’re a slore or that you don’t take dating serious and you’re just out to “party”. And it seems now-a-days guys are expecting for a girl to jump in bed like right away. And what if all the dudes the girl’s seein’ is expecting that also? Could make her not wanna date guys at all and turn to girls instead. I don’t know haha. These are things I’ve went through or friends. I say it’s a gamble when coming to date in multiples. And I think Ms. Swift moves too fast and it ends up pushing the guy away.

  51. Leila says:

    Dating a lot of men is fine as long as you respect yourself and the person in front of you.
    There is nothing wrong with being a high value woman and being hopefull that every crush that we have might be the one; which is exactely what Taylor Swift is. She just falls for guys and genuinely believes it could lead to that fairytale we all long for.
    I see nothing wrong in that. :)

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Leila,

      That is a great way to put it! I love the part about “respect the person in front of you”. Thanks for sharing. x

  52. Nicole says:

    I think it’s good to keep your options open and date around. The thought of meeting a guy and focusing all of my attention on him right off the bat scares the hell out of me! I would feel stuck! I have a friend who always falls hard for a guy, ususally one she barely knows, and jumps right into a serious relationship. Then she seems to forget that there are other people on this planet and when they break up most of her friends have left and she is all alone.
    I think it’s okay to date different men at the same time but it’s not for me. I would be thinking of all the ways it could go wrong! What would a guy think if he found out you were seeing others at the same time? These are my thoughts, but I don’t have much experience to go on… :/

  53. njay says:

    its okay to date men.. ur rite.. we never know who is the best one.. so yes.. why not date more men? if we are still getting to know each other then yes… date and go out with lots of men..

  54. Renee says:

    to me it is like being a player – that is what taylor displays to me a big player and then the fact when she is done dating a guy she literally destroys them in her songs filled with hate and anger – to me it seems as if she needs to grow up and stop blaming the men she dates and to turn the finger back at herself so she can fix what is wrong with herself rather than attacking the men. this and besides the fact that i just plain dislike her alot.

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