Getting The Guy You Want – Katie Couric Show

Here’s a clip from my recent appearance on Katie Couric where I’m joined on the couch by the Ready For Love gang Tracey McMillan and Amber Kelleher-Andrews.

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From the video…

1) Meet more men

Most women aren’t meeting the quantity of men they need in their everyday lives. It’s often not easy as we get stuck doing the same things over and over.

How can you mix things up? (From Tracy) “To meet people with similar interests, find the things you love to do, then go out and do those things.”

And while you’re at it, don’t worry about the outcome. (From Katie) “You’ve got to be a little creative girls… and if it doesn’t work out, that’s okay, because you don’t want to be with someone who’s not attracted to you anyway.”

Make it easy for a guy in the first 10 seconds as most guys don’t know how to talk to you and you need to be able to give him licence to come over and approach you. As a general rule, don’t BE easy, but in the first 10 seconds, be easy.

2) Layer your approach

The thing that makes us nervous around people we’re attracted to is intent.

Here’s a way to get over nerves I’ve used with clients – one of whom went on to get two dates and four numbers in one afternoon!

Take on each stage until you’re fully comfortable doing it.

–Ask a guy for the time
–Ask a guy for the time and when he gives it to you tell him you like his watch
–Ask a guy for the time, tell him you like his watch, and then say that you need his ideas on what you can get as a present for your brother/friend/nephew

This is a guaranteed conversation starter that you can have some real fun with.

3) Simple speed-dating tips

–Compliment him
–Address the awkwardness
–Keep conversations emotional not logical

Question of the day:

Do you agree with Katie? Are there really more cool women than men?

The person with the best response gets to ask me anything : )

UPDATE: Congrats Lisa! Your question and my answer can be found here.

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To get more insight into men, check out my online home-study programme The Man Myth. In it you will learn the A–Z of what men think, how to generate unstoppable attraction, and how to win him to your way of thinking. Check it out here.

Via: KatieCouric.com

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64 Responses to Getting The Guy You Want – Katie Couric Show

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  1. Erin says:

    Just about everyone is “cool” to someone. The rest are clogged with malted hops and bong resin…

    That last part is a joke/quote from a movie. It may be a bit PG-13, but it’s not meant as an insult, fellow readers :) I find something cool about everyone. Sometimes just the fact that they’re different I think is cool. (I may be a bit of an idealist. Shh, don’t tell anyone.)

  2. Lisa says:

    Matt, do you have any advice for a 40 something lady (me) getting back with an ex boyfriend that ran scared twice?

  3. kendra says:

    Hey Matt I have a question- I’ve been “seeing” my neighbor for the past month or so and we both seem to really like each other, and I want to take things to the next level, but he hasn’t brought up the relationship talk at all, and I’m not sure if he even will. We’re both 21, and I’ve never been in a relationship before, hate to say it. He’s kind of the shy type and so am I. I really love spending time with him and want him to know how much I like him without scaring him off, or before he finds someone else. We met a year ago and only recently has anything been happening. Do you think I should say something to him the next time we meet?
    Also, do you think it’s okay for the girl to be asking the guy to hang out a lot, or should it be vice versa? Or 50/50?

  4. Foxdance says:

    Yes!
    Woman are indeed cooler than men. There are more of us in schools, and even more of us doing GREAT things out there in the world. We are so accomplished – it’s amazing… In addition to being able to ‘hang’ in a masculine world, we’re able to still nurture our femininity as well.

    After watching heaps of Jane Austen and ‘regency’ movies… I have to say, right now is the best time to be a woman. We have so much at our finger tips and we fully take advantage =)

  5. Claire says:

    Yes, I would have to agree with Katie that women are cooler than men. Most of the guys I know are hot, hot, hot!!

  6. Keira Johanne Cartier says:

    Frankly Hussey, I don’t agree with Kate. The following reasons are as follows.

    To begin with boys were most likely born with an innate amount of creativity. I observed that the ratio of boy-girl creativity in primary school is 10-1. Boys have a natural ability to want to explore and create. They grow up to want to be risk-takers, embracing who they are. They create something out of nothing. An example of this would be when my brother and friends created a skate ramp out of materials laying around the back yard. Guys are resourceful and creative! Who wouldn’t think that isn’t cool?

    Most people would agree that guys take a greater chance in approaching the opposite sex. Using their demeanor they step up and achieve goals compared to girls. They attempt to make the best with what they have or accept it with grace. I think this is an admirable trait. Girls are prone to whinging and hanging on to small details which are irrelevant. Often causing arguments in relationships. Escalating arguments is not a ‘cool’ quality.

    Guys know how to have fun and be carefree. In small groups guys often joke around and encourage their friends to create interactions with women. They see opportunities, whilst girls see negativity. I have more fun hanging out with friends that are guys then girls. As girls tend to sit and repeat scenarios in dismay. Often not taking any action at all. Guys are laid back, they take in the atmosphere and challenge each other to talk to women.

    To sum up guys are cooler than girls. Guys are imaginative, have principles and know their value and can successfully form larger circle of friends. Thus, this is why I strongly disagree with Kate’s comment, ‘Girls are cooler than boys.’ Girls can learn a lesson or two from guys ;)

  7. Andrea says:

    In my opinion there are not more cool men or cool women – it pretty much evens out. The lady in the video who had said that she thinks there are more cool women either is a little frustrated or plays with cliche statements so that more women feel “she understands us”.

    It often happens that either women complain “there are no normal guys out there” or men complain “are all the classy women married?”, because they are frustrated, and when they go out with tis frustrated attitude, of course all the potential partners run away, because they think “I don’t know what is wrong with this woman/man, but he/she should stay away from me.”

    The inner attitude matters so much.

  8. Sandi says:

    This video won’t play :(
    Is there somewhere else I can see it?
    Thank you so much!
    We appreciate all you do for us Matt!
    Big hugs!

  9. Abigail says:

    I need your advise on something Matt, I need your help. I like this guy and he just can’t keep my secrets, he tells everybody! Can I change his actions with my words or do I have to find another guy?

  10. Paula says:

    Well I don’t know what she meant by “cool,” but I think men can be cooler than women in certain ways. For instance, they don’t take things as personal so their reactions are much more mellow than women, who get defensive or sensitive. They tend to be more easy-going, which can seem cooler. My bosses are brother and sister and I definitely think he’s cooler than her. She has much more of an attitude, and he is more friendly, relaxed, and has more of a sense of humor. Could be because he works around cute women tho, lol.

  11. Crystal says:

    Hi Matt,

    I thought that segment was great and very amusing!
    I am curious about what you thought about the host’s approach of dating in terms of asking lots of questions. A great idea or can it be too much?

  12. Leona Lovequest says:

    Sorry, but I have to agree with Katie. The only people I ever meet doing the things I enjoy are other cool single women. At the last dating mixer I went to I sparked the interest of a senior citizen with a comb-over and a seriously overweight guy studying to be a personal trainer online. I can’t even find any cool to try out Matthew’s flirting tips on!

  13. Stephanie says:

    I’m not sure about the question, I think we are not cool, but trying to play cool. We don’t want to look like the desperates girls we see in chick flick movies (ex the one in he’s not that into you). It seems that socially now that is the image single girls have, desperate to guy any guy to marry them than at some point we flipped totally to the other side!

  14. Luisa says:

    Are there more cool women than men? Yes. Duh.

  15. Monique says:

    Oh no, that woman is not a geat catch. I think I know her. There are other more beautiful and lovely/caring/honest/warm/not selfish women out there who really deserve a nice husband. Not her.

  16. adora says:

    It’s probably because Katie is so beautiful and successful, that men find her intimidating and get very nervous around her.

    Personally, I see more cool men than cool women. Men tend to have one passion that they acquired deep knowledge and experiences. While women have shallow conversations on various topics with little substance.

    I also find it uncool when people talk about diets, telling others what they should or should not eat. Women tend to do it a lot more than men.

    Finally, women’s magazines have horoscopes. QED.

    • Monique says:

      You are also very right about the conversations that women tends to have with eachother & and what women are talking about among female friends. Thanks for commenting on this.
      But you probably refer to the married men, and Katie refers to single men & single women. Women are more grown-ups and men are more knowledgable and so less boring. But single men have a different kind of personality then married men. Single men are very good at computers & playing video games, which is not really helpful in cultivating love-relationships.

  17. Allison Buist says:

    Guys have an ability to cut to the chase and weed out all of the nonsense. Which is an important ability to have. Woman pay attention to the nonsense and tie it all together and try to make sense of it all. Men are the words and women are the poem, both are essential to each other to balance life and each other out :)

  18. Susanne Love says:

    ☀☆☀☆♥♥ :)Dear Matthew :)♥♥☆☀☆☀

    Men ♥&♥ women are human beings who have a heart to ♥loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove♥

    How many men ♥&♥ women open their hearts to ♥loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove♥?
    I believe lovely Hosana knows :)

    All the best to all men ♥&♥ women who have a heart ♥&♥ who ♥loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove♥ :)

    And to those sweethearts who really really oh really need love ♥&♥ life lessons:
    I hope one day they are very very very lucky & learn all the best in the best way :)
    If only they knew Matthew Hussey :)
    ♥&♥ that he is here :)

    Thank YOU soooooooooooooooo much for being here again Matthew Hussey :)
    It’s always veeeeeeeeeery nice when Matthew Hussey is here :)

    Love your video, your blog ♥&♥ your question :)
    Hope you as well enjoy all the best ♥&♥ the answers in the best way :)

    Have a veeeeeeeeeeery nice day :)

  19. laura says:

    I’m still a new nurse, but I’ve found that women aren’t much cooler than men…they both run about 98.6.

    • Barbara says:

      Dear Matthew! I think that Laura should at least get an award for originality for the answer, if she doesn’t win this. :D
      I loved your answer Laura. You just made my day! XD

  20. Irie says:

    Well, the reason we feel like there are more cool women than men is because we are capable of reading the nuances in a woman’s overall package better. Shoes, hair style, clothes, bags, bodies, the pose, colors, make-up, the tonation and style in the way they talk, these all inform us in many ways that women put a lot together into making themselves cool, attractive and different. We spend more time on women than men. Think about a night out, the way women actually observe each other, stare each other, comment on each other etc.

    I have a feeling, and also the experience to prove that, we don’t know much to differentiate men, see through them and catch a glimpse of uniqueness. And what I have learned from Matthew is that the only way to do so is to actually TALK with them.

    • Monique says:

      Katie is a very beautiful and intelligent successful woman, like a lot of American women out there. It is really really hard for men to keep up with cute and successful women, because they are only working & spending time with themselves their work, their male friends & their hobbies. Guys are not really social or developed people, they are good at male things, their work and their hobbies.

  21. HeidiPie says:

    People are just people. I do not agree with Katie Couric that there are more interesting or fun women than men that are out there. People are just people in all of their interestingly, quirky, glory. I do think that the media foster’s an us vs. them mentality which, in its worst form, advocates women to define their worth by a set of measurements and men to define manliness by juvenile behaviours. Isn’t that terrible? If we buy into it, we start to think that pleasing the opposite sex means focusing on these things exclusively and even adopting the “attractive traits” of both genders. In the end, all we are left with are a bunch of physically-obsessed, juvenile adults. I think we ought to expect great things of both genders and what makes us great is to pursue our best-selves…mind, body and soul.
    Cheers!

  22. Freeda Singh says:

    Hi,Matthew.I really loved your clip,it was amazing as there was a lot of excitement and anticipation at each stage.Who is cool really depends on ones attitude to what you desire and want.A few well researched tips like yours,well dressed and well mannered will get you some results.Thank You for sharing with us…..making us more creative and confident!

  23. Lil says:

    What is cool and what is not? Am I really looking for a cool guy (in the same definition of the word as Katie, whatever that might be)? What makes a person cool to me is when they really know who they are and do not take themselves too seriously all the time. I know there must be lots of (single) guys like that out there. It is just a matter of giving them a fair chance.
    I used to think that all the good guys were alredy “taken, weird or gay” but you changed my mind on that Matt. Thank you for all the great advice.

  24. Tiffany says:

    No, we’re pretty equal, but we have boobs and they’re a really cool perk ;)

  25. Lana says:

    NO! Katy is not right,the other team has Matthew Hussey,and there aren’t *that* many cool women to balance it out in our favour..so Matthew,when do I get to ask my question? *big cheeky grin*

  26. MJ says:

    I think we find opportunities when we open our eyes to seeing them. There are only uncool guys left if we don’t appreciate that the somewhat shy guy (you know shy like me) is really cool once you get to know him. Matthew – please think about doing some more Get the Guy tour dates in Canada later this year. The North American girls need help too!

  27. Leesa says:

    I think it’s uncool for men to text me every day for a week after a first date and then suddenly stop before the second!

  28. Linda says:

    Thanks Matthew! That was a good video. I’m going to try your tips.

  29. Serita says:

    Matthew,

    I SO need you in my life. I hope you get to come back to the U.S. soon because I have dating issues. If “Ready for Love” was still going to be on next season, I would sign up for it. Can you keep us posted if you are going to be on anymore TV shows where you intervene in a woman’s dating life? If you let us know, I will be sure to sign up.
    Thank you for giving us girls hope!

  30. saji says:

    I find it cool when we take things easy, or dont take them to serious & I think men are more easygoing by nature, more open to take risks.
    Have to disagree with Katie ;)

  31. Caroline says:

    Matthew, I feel that this argument has already been adequately addressed by one of the most influential women of our time, and not only has it been addressed, but reconciled too.

    To quote Beyonce Knowles famous question: ‘who run the world?’…..

    She is correct in assuming the answer-‘Girls’

    So, there you have it Matt. Can’t argue with Popular culture.

    (Knowles.B. ‘4’. MSR studios. New York. April 2011)

  32. Michelle says:

    I’m trying to so hard to practice, practice, practice what Matt is teaching me – lol. Interestingly i got some numbers :) so that’s a good thing! I loved this clip! Next I need to work on my conversations and questions – for the date :)

  33. Nofyah says:

    More cool women than men? Where??? I prefer talking to a man over a woman any time!

    Nofyah

  34. Elle says:

    Very interesting clip.

  35. Charlotte says:

    I’m actually way younger than Alexandra, yet I’m already having the same issues she has. When I first got to the age of first dates had so many guys chasing me, that i became an expert on playing hard to get.. Now that I’m 20 years old I seem to have kicked every interested guy right out of my life. I just don’t get the attention I used to get anymore. Then the weird thing is.. my friends tell me how their guy friends tell them how they think I’m beautiful, so it can’t be all about looks then right? Also, not having a great love life right now has caused me to be so much more insecure than before.. can’t help it! Holland is a little far away from where your meetings are, but maybe reading your tips on this blog will get me a little hope for the future.

    Thanks for all your tips!

    • Barbara says:

      I understand you completely, I’m just like her too. I’m even younger than you are (18) and am already feeling very insecure about relationships. I now have more guys looking at me, but they still don’t make a move. There’s also the part that I usually go to the same places and hang out with the same group of people.
      On the bright side: I think that Matthew’s tips do work, even if you just read them. I can’t go to his seminars either, but I read his blog a lot. For example today I did something I usually don’t and am pretty happy about what happened. I visited my mother at her job and there are many young guys working there. One of them was sitting on a couch right on the edge and scooted to the middle of it, so I could sit down next to him. He kept on smiling at me and I did the same to him. My mother later asked me, if I’m going to visit her at her job to flirt with her coworkers. I didn’t even realise I was flirting, I just did it naturaly, because I was attracted to him. I think that Matthew’s tips had a lot to do with it, because I’m usually very nervous around guys I’m attracted to and do a lot of the mistakes Alexandria did.
      What I’m trying to say is that you shouldn’t lose hope. Things get better in time. ;)

      • Charlotte says:

        Thanks, you’re very nice. That’s very good that you’re getting better at flirting. I used to get that all the time.. “you’re such a flirt blabla” Somewhere along the way I lost it.. Maybe i’ll see some results in matts tips soon too. Thanks for your reply ;) x

      • Andrea says:

        @Barbara
        That is a cute story. Are you going to visit your mom at work more often now? :-)

        • Barbara says:

          Thanks. Maybe I will. :P
          I have another one now. We had a dinner with my classmates and we went to a restaurant. Everyone got drunk except for me. I then went to sit at the bar, because I was tired of being with my drunk classmates. There was a pretty young waiter and I asked him if he could please give me some water. He just smiled and started pouring me a glass. When he did it, I wanted to take it, but he told me to wait and gave me a green (my favorite color) drinking straw (he didn’t give anyone else a straw). After a while I went back there again and asked him for another glass and he gave it to me happily. When I drank it I gave the glass back to him and thanked him. He asked me if I wanted another one, but I told him no. He then told me to take a lollipop, which was in a box on the bar. I can say that this was a cute story too. I really liked it. :D

    • Know how you feel says:

      Charlotte despair not!! Study after study show that many men will not go after a very beautiful woman because they think she is out of there league and will instead go for someone pretty or cute because they hate rejection and feel they have better chances with someone just cute. Young guys are innocent and optimistic because they are less likely to have been burned yet.But all those teenage hormones are starting to simmer down(just a little) and the rejection is starting to pile up. As men get older and have been rejected by the super hot girl enough times they are less likely to put their hand in the fire.

      That’s why if you are a 9 or 10 in the looks department it is even more important for you to master the skills Matt talks about and learn how to be proactive, “easy in the first 10 seconds”, and do the choosing. Otherwise most men might be assuming that of course you are taken or dating tons of millionaires while you spent your nights alone wondering what’s wrong with you. Nothing!! You just have to let them know the have a chance with you and invite them in:)

  36. Lisa says:

    I disagree..I think there are cool women..not so cool women..cool men, not so men. It’s all how you look it and play the field (not the best terms..but you get what I mean.) If you look at the glass empty like that you are basically saying there is not a guy good enough for me or there are no good men, cool men..they are all losers, cheaters, womanizers,etc. which isn’t the case. So..a big NO. And some people literally and figuratively get hot when it comes to potentially dating or hitting up a conversation…your heart pumps, anxiety hits the roof,etc. There are both males and females that can be sly..and others not so much. I have to say again it’s your perspective on things and I think an outlook like that makes it more difficult to believe there is a guy or guys for you.

  37. Hollie says:

    Looks like Katie is frustrated with guys and her dating life. The reason I’m saying it is that I find that when people are unsatisfied with some aspect of their life, as a defense mechanism and to elevate their self-esteem, they seem to put others down. Take guys for example, when they are not successful with women, or not able to get the specific woman that they desire, they complain and criticize women. And same goes for women, when a woman is not able to attract the man that she wants, as a defense mechanism she blames men for it. Beside, Katie doesn’t represent the average woman, so the hot chocolate story is very subjective to her status.

  38. Gabrielle Carolina says:

    After giving it a good mull, here are my thoughts:

    I think women, especially younger women, are given the ability to act and live more artistically, perhaps portraying a bohemian quality about themselves, see Manic Pixie Dream Girl, and men cannot often embrace that same spirit without risking their masculinity. So while there is a standard that “cool” girls embrace the MPDG trope there is a double standard that for men to be men and remain attractive in the eyes of their DGs, they must assume a more “boring,” identity.

    Thoughts, Matt?

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      I think the guys that really get it realise that they can be spontaneous and playful without losing their masculinity. It actually makes them more diverse and interesting to be able to do both. We need to teach men that!

      x

  39. Joanne says:

    Accountants. Are. NOT. Boring! :O

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      LOL x

    • Esther says:

      Oh God! I work in accounts and whenever a guy asks this question, I dont know what do say because it kills the conversation. at the first or second question:-(

      • Andrea says:

        @Esther
        I can understand why this is a killer reply. I used to work in accounting. :-))
        Why don’t you try to change the topic. Laugh and say “Please, I am off duty now and I want to feel off duty. Let’s talk about something that is fun. ” Then you tell him about a hobby or something that really fascinates you and makes you forget everything else, and then you say “Do you also have a hobby like that?”.

        Turn the conversation to positive things.

        Or if he likes traveling and so do you, ask him what was the most beautiful thing he saw on a trip or what is his “must-see” dream destination and why.

  40. Kathryn says:

    Are there really more cool women than men? I would not begin to answer that one Mr Hussey. How many women have you met now in the course of your work and how many men also, all looking for love. You did have a little glint in your eye when Katie asked you that one, so I think you know the answer….
    One thing, women can laugh at themselves and maybe not take themselves too seriously.
    I would take you seriously though, we all hang on every word you say. Is this healthy ? ; ) xx

  41. Ana says:

    Really great Matthew! I enjoyed it a lot, thanks for keeping us updated even when we’re not in the area where the show can be watched!

  42. Allison Buist says:

    I think there is a little something special in all of us. The cool part is finding out what it is then showing it to the world :)

  43. Ashley says:

    Haha katie I must disagree, every women can be a drama queen and every man can be a pain in the ass, so I think we even out pretty well!!! I think it’s so true that we have to get out of our routine and go new places, which is hard for all of us, mostly because of the comfort zone idea. Good tips as always!!! Love from maryland!

  44. Rumors says:

    I know I have all ready said it but I truly think that you should do a “draw my life” video so we can be inspired by your success.

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