What I Learnt About Blogging, Love, And Creativity After Writing 100 Posts About Dating

Stephen Hussey

Last week it finally happened. I didn’t even realise it, but a moment I had anticipated for two years came to pass.

I typed my name into the search box at the right hand side of this page. Once I pressed the final key on the words “Stephen Hussey”, I tapped enter and the page began to load. Then the results appeared and said it clearly: “100 articles found”.

I gasped…

I had done it.

After two years of sitting down at my desk each week to pull ideas out of my brain, I finally hit publish on the 100th article I’ve written since I began posting on this site!

All I could do was stare blankly at my laptop and mouth the words “Holy crap”.

When Matt first asked me to blog on the site, I already worried about the week I would run out of ideas. I had written plenty of material with Matt since GettheGuy started, but I had never posted my own thoughts under my own name. I was nervous about how I would be perceived; this new, alien voice being thrust upon Matt’s audience.

I was certain that people would call it nepotism and wonder why Matt was foisting his younger brother onto a readership who were clearly there to see more of him. And yet, the response was 99% positive (I’m sure one or two people complained, but you can never get a perfect score in life), and I was delighted by how generous and warm Matt’s readers turned out to be.

Pleasingly, they turned out to be a reflection of all his best qualities: warm, generous, open-minded, and encouraging every step of the way.

But just as I got comfortable, I realised I was studying for a PhD.

Despite the newfound enjoyment that comes with having an audience who expectantly waited for more, I became keenly aware of the pressure of living up to putting out one post a week, no matter what was going on in my own life.

I posted when I was buried under the weight of studying at Oxford. I published when I was having arguments with girlfriends and the last thing I wanted to do was sit and write about dating. I would even shoot off a blog or two from sunny beaches when I was supposed to be enjoying a holiday.

If this sounds like complaining, it really isn’t.

I started to find this blog a comfort, an outlet. As cliché as it sounds, it had become therapy to sit down and write every week, even when I was in a perfect storm of overbearing academic deadlines with dreadful consequences, facing down a project of 100,000 words on human rights which I couldn’t wait to just be done with (believe me, by the 3rd/4th year of a PhD, everyone just wants the damn thing done and out of their lives, like a relationship they should have left a long time ago).

So I kept coming back. I kept panicking. I had a mini-breakdown. I phoned up Matt and said I had nothing more to say. He said, “Stop trying to write what you think I want and just write whatever the hell you want. You have a free pass, so use it!”

And I did.

I don’t know any ultimate secret to creativity (and I mistrust anyone who says they have one), but I do know that one thing that helps is when you finally start to write about what matters to you.

So here we are.

I’ve talked about how to know if you’re dating a narcissist, the art of deep conversation, who you should marry, the truth about what *really* matters to men, dream women, nightmare women, secrets of high-value men, things I *wish* people said were sexy, why every woman *always* needs to look at a man twice, how to escape the friends-with-benefits zone, and why being classy will get you laid.

There’s little left for me to do in this post but say thanks for being here every time, always leaving kind words on the comments or on social media. I read every single one and try to get back as often as I can (i.e. when I’m not writing other stuff).

FAQ

Over the course of 100 blogs you get used to the some ever-present recurring questions after a while. Here are three of the most common:

  • Is it weird writing about your love life?
  • Does writing for women make you really judgmental when you’re on dates with them?
  • What’s Matt’s phone number? I need to send him a message

My answers respectively: Yes, No, and Err…I lost it.

7 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me Before I Started Blogging

When you write 100 blog posts it doesn’t make you an expert on writing, but there are definitely things I know now that I wish I had discovered earlier. In case you’re ever thinking about blogging, here are some thoughts:

  • Get someone to proofread every piece if you can (I wish I did this more often).
  • Have a deadline before the day you publish. For example, if you publish every Wednesday, have a first draft deadline for Monday. That way you can go back and review your work with fresh eyes before you decide to post. Believe me, this improves your work tenfold.
  • Keep a log of your ideas. Write down at least 5 every day if you can. In general, this will feel quite useless since most of your thoughts will be godawful. You’ll throw pages of ideas away. But that’s fine. The idea is to keep your brain subconsciously turning things over until you hit those few golden ideas.
  • Don’t write what you think people want to hear – write what you’re most interested in. This will make the work much easier (even though this still won’t make it easy).
  • Your readers are more open-minded than you think. Don’t be afraid to surprise them with a completely new subject, or even one completely unrelated to your usual work.
  • Be vulnerable and honest wherever possible. It gives you a unique voice and builds trust that you’re not going to bullshit your reader.
  • Publish regularly and focus on posting a lot. You’ll need to do this, because later on when you look back you’ll only truly love about 10-20% of what you published. That’s ok.

Now I’m asking myself the obvious question: What do I do to celebrate?

Buy a cake? Give my 100 best dating tips? Go and spend $100 dollars on myself? Apparently I’m not as creative as I thought I was…I’m already out of ideas.

I don’t know. Maybe I’ll get a pizza. But that would ruin my whole healthy eating kick, and I’m doing pretty good at the moment.

Here’s one thing I’d like to do…at 2pm Eastern Time today (11am PST) I’m going to jump on Matt’s Facebook page and do a Q&A.

Come and send me a question or just let me say thanks to you personally, whether you followed for just one post or all one hundred (bless you if you did).

To round of this Oscar speech, let me say thank you so much to Matt, for being so generous in giving me an audience that I could only have dreamt of, and which truly I didn’t deserve.

And to you. Thank you if you ever shared, tweeted, commented, read, emailed, or even wrote to tell me that you hated my latest post. I’ve cherished every bit.

*****************************************

Stephen Hussey helped co-write the Get The Guy book and is a wealth of knowledge on dating and relationships.

To Follow Steve On Twitter For More Updates Click Here

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28 Responses to What I Learnt About Blogging, Love, And Creativity After Writing 100 Posts About Dating

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  1. Nestor Paul says:

    Good hear that from you. you found what you are looking for congratulation to you!

  2. Cassandra says:

    Congrats! Your posts are awesome and make so much sense. Practical and balanced. Please don’t stop blogging!! I preach the Hussey brothers wisdom to my girlfriends ;)

  3. Emily says:

    As another writer and blogger, you inspire me with your dedication. I appreciate the tips.

  4. Mariana Valente says:

    Thanks very much Stephen! and congratulations!

    I read all of your posts and I really enjoying reading them. For all the ones I read (some more then once) I really liked the one about the coffee, it was really interesting to think that some little habits we cultivate, can turn to be a little harmful or sometimes hide big issues about ourselves.

  5. Laetitia says:

    From the depths of my 4th PhD year, I so hear you. My deep admiration and thanks.

  6. Lauren says:

    Yay Stephen!!! You deserve 100 thank you’s! I’m addicted to this blog, including your articles because it’s been so helpful and vital to growth. Seeing you write 100 articles has given me energy to continue to pursue my goals! We all want (and need) you to keep writing but I personally think it would be cool if you did some videos too! :)

  7. Angela says:

    Well done & thank you x

  8. Zerin says:

    Congrats to Stephen Hussey! You’re awesome! :)

  9. Elena says:

    Hi Stephen!

    Thank you again from a girl who has read all your 100 posts and commented from time to time! I know you get a lot of compliments but it doesn’t make it less pleasant to receive one more, does it?

    I want to say that since you’ve started to post, the blog is no longer the same. I always adored Matt’s blog, but your regular, perfectly thought-through and amazingly intelligent pieces make it an even more serious source of life advice.

    Please keep writing! Your every article is looked forward to and immensely appreciated!

    All the warmest wishes to you and Matt!
    Elena

  10. Isabelle says:

    Dear Stephen,

    I’m Isabelle from Mauritius. I sort of have been following Matt out of curiosity really. I haven’t read the books or your blogs but have seen some videos on Youtube and Facebook and honestly all i wanted to say is your thank you post to followers is sweet and heartwarming because you are sincerely happy and thats good to see in a person, happy of your hard work of achievements. Congrats and keep at it. Regards.

  11. Noémie says:

    Congratulations Stephen!
    Feel like the 1st post was just yesterday!

    Thank you so much!
    Keep it up!

    All the best!

  12. Antonia says:

    You DO deserve us as an audience! You’ve done an amazing job Stephen!

  13. Samin says:

    Congratulations!
    I think I’ve probably read all of them! And I’m pretty sure I’ve even read some of them twice! And took some notes with Evernote! LOL! Nerdy Girl here! I wish the dreams you have and the dreams you cannot even imagine yet, to come true. I wish you joy and health and happiness. Take care. And don’t celebrate with pizza!

    Best,
    Samin.

  14. Mandy says:

    Hello Stephen,

    I wanted to congratulate you on your 100th blog article. You are one writer that truly has a rare and amazing talent of writing topics that reach an audience on a deeper level because it’s genuine and honest. Your blog articles whisk people on a journey to be fully immerse in the story, and involved in the conversation.

    The timing of your articles came at the right time when I needed them the most, and I wanted to thank you for the amazing advice for the past 2 years. I am impressed by your work, and I look forward to the next 100 blog articles. Your achievement is quite a milestone, and it is definitely worth celebrating.

    Thank you Stephen, and have a lovely evening.

    Best regards,

    Mandy

  15. A. says:

    Happy 100th article, Stephen! I’ve enjoyed your articles, seeing your face (!) on iHeartRadio, and most of all when you have a moment, reading your response here. It means as much to us as it does to you.

    Now, go spend $100.00 on yourself. Or eat 100 pretzels. Or kiss a girl 100 times. Something like that. ;-)

    A

  16. abigail barry says:

    Well, one thing is for certain, people should be asking for your number, your articulate, funny, confident and shexyyy !! I’ve loved the few articles that i have read and am in fact now adding to my own youtube – body positivity and blogging channel because of these, Yeah – the work your doing is helping loads and just as much as matt – One thing though = Not much – if anything about the body positivity movement and dating for us ‘Fatties’ ….. and NO – not used in a derogatory way at all – FAT IS FABULOUS ….. I’d LOVE to know your thoughts !! Enclosed is just a Parody Video i did today – got a tad bored – life should make you smile !! and you boys do that THANKS xx

  17. Isabelle Vincenti says:

    Stephen you are the one we should thank, really. So thanks for all your brilliant insight that has helped a lot of us since you first started out. I really appreciate your style and the way you think. I hope you will continue writing for this website :)

  18. Betty says:

    Mr.Hussey I have enjoyed all of your blogs. Your as awesome as Matt. You know me and my husband were the only first couple to attend Matt’s first Get the guy in LA when he first started like 3 or 4years ago. Any way when is the keep the marriage sequel coming out lol may be we can help.

  19. Reese says:

    Congrats on reaching this special milestone! I’ve only recently discovered your posts and always walk away feeling like I’ve just met up with a great friend who’s warm, witty and expands how I see things, after reading.

  20. Brandi says:

    Congrats Stephen!! Amazing accomplishment, inspiring read, and I’ve learned so much from your articles. Cheers to 100 posts..and beyond!

  21. Davina Fereday says:

    Hi Stephen, this is incredible. I really enjoy reading your posts and e books (the getting back to life after a breakup helped me a lot!). I’ve been thinking of writing a blog so was delighted to see this post and got so much out of it. Very encouraging ! I haven’t read all 100 of your posts yet so still a lot to look forward to. :-)
    Thank you and congratulations !!!

  22. Jessica says:

    Oh, Stephen this post was truly amazing and beautiful! Just like you and Matt :)
    Thank you so much for your honesty and openness. It is much appreciated.
    And the writing tips are great. I needed them!
    Congrats and I am looking forward to next 100 posts.

  23. anon says:

    Congratulations Stephen! I’ve read all 100 of your posts & they were very enlightening, educational & entertaining! Thanks a million & keep it up!!

  24. Misha says:

    Congrats Steve! I am so happy for you. I am a writer newbie and your tips helped a lot. Thank you!
    Wishing you the best
    Misha
    P.S. – Yes, I have read every single one of your posts.

  25. Arianna says:

    Congratulations, Steve! What a wonderful accomplishment. I have been so eager to read your blogs, each time I see that you have posted a new one. I have enjoyed the ride, as I love your mind, your words, and your cheeky sense of humor! Thank you for all of your hard work and dedication! It is lovely to be one of your readers.

    I will probably not be able to get online for the q & a, because I will be working… but I hope it goes well! My question remains… when are we going to be able to do that Netflix marathon? ;P

    Warmly,
    Arianna

  26. Sydney says:

    Very nice!! I assume the “arguments with girlfriends” refers to different periods of time :o)

    Too bad I am stuck in meetings during Q&A

    Kudos to you!! Have fun celebrating :)

    Happy (belated) Australia Day to every one who celebrated yesterday!

    -Sydney

  27. Kathryn says:

    I’ve loved 100% of your content. What you wrote was right at the time, don’t look back. Congratulations xxxx
    We are currently waiting for our pizza delivery, mid winter deal, I think the extra calories are needed at this time of year!
    Kate

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