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The High-Value Woman Position On Miley Cyrus

The whole Miley Cyrus phenomenon has been on a lot of people’s lips recently. I generally don’t use my platform to talk about celebrities, firstly because I don’t like to judge people whose lives I know nothing about, and secondly because I don’t much care what they are up to. 

I did however watch the VMAs along with a lot of other people, and found the whole performance somewhat uncomfortable. It’s hard to express exactly why without some serious reflection. 

I believe in empowering women and showing them what beautiful people they are. I believe respecting women to be of the utmost importance, secondary only to a woman’s own self-respect. 

So I was left a little conflicted with the Miley thing. A lot of people are judging her right now. She’s entitled to go through phases, just like any of us have. In a perfect world she’d be entitled to go through these phases without the judgement of millions of fans and non fans. Unfortunately (and fortunately for her income), she has millions of fans and non fans ready to judge her. 

The truth is, I do not care what the world thinks of what she’s doing. Nor do I much care about what the general population thinks about anything. We all have to be smart enough to look at a situation objectively without the rants of the mindless controlling every aspect of our thought. The temptation to parrot the demagogic ramblings of the gross tabloids and magazines is always there. 

But I’m reluctant to go down the righteous route of “she’s a role model so she should do better”. She’s not some elected politician who has a responsibility to their electorate. She’s a singer. She makes lot’s of money selling records, amongst other things. I will admit to finding the concept of lots of teenage girls emulating this ‘phase’ disturbing, but whether that really is her responsibility is another matter. God forbid we ever be in a position where every move we make is judged on how great an example it presents to millions of others; an impossible standard to live up to to say the least.

Although I don’t think ‘Miley news’ or any sort of celebrity news is ever really interesting or of any consequence, yesterday something did catch my attention: an open letter from Sinead O’Connor to Miley Cyrus.

Since I cannot talk from any personal experience of the music industry, nor of being a 20 year old woman, this letter contained a lot more credibility than I have on both counts. 
 
After allegedly claiming that her Wrecking Ball video was inspired by O’Connor’s Nothing Compares 2U, Sinead expressed her concern for Miley not only as an artist but as a woman. 
 
This letter sums up the ‘High Value’ way to look at this situation more authoritatively than I could. It’s long, but it’s worth the read I assure you.

After you’ve read it, let me know what you think. I’d love to hear your opinions on the matter (I would love it if the comments weren’t about Miley Cyrus, but about the situation itself. There’s enough judgement on her as an individual without us having to add to the pile. I think it’s much more positive to keep it constructive and look at it as something to take personal learnings from).

 

Dear Miley,

I wasn’t going to write this letter, but today i’ve been dodging phone calls from various newspapers who wished me to remark upon your having said in Rolling Stone your Wrecking Ball video was designed to be similar to the one for Nothing Compares … So this is what I need to say … And it is said in the spirit of motherliness and with love.

I am extremely concerned for you that those around you have led you to believe, or encouraged you in your own belief, that it is in any way ‘cool’ to be naked and licking sledgehammers in your videos. It is in fact the case that you will obscure your talent by allowing yourself to be pimped, whether its the music business or yourself doing the pimping.

Nothing but harm will come in the long run, from allowing yourself to be exploited, and it is absolutely NOT in ANY way an empowerment of yourself or any other young women, for you to send across the message that you are to be valued (even by you) more for your sexual appeal than your obvious talent.
I am happy to hear I am somewhat of a role model for you and I hope that because of that you will pay close attention to what I am telling you.

The music business doesn’t give a shit about you, or any of us. They will prostitute you for all you are worth, and cleverly make you think its what YOU wanted … and when you end up in rehab as a result of being prostituted, ‘they’ will be sunning themselves on their yachts in Antigua, which they bought by selling your body and you will find yourself very alone.

None of the men ogling you give a shit about you either, do not be fooled. Many’s the woman mistook lust for love. If they want you sexually that doesn’t mean they give a fuck about you. All the more true when you unwittingly give the impression you don’t give much of a fuck about yourself. And when you employ people who give the impression they don’t give much of a fuck about you either. No one who cares about you could support your being pimped … and that includes you yourself.

Yes, I’m suggesting you don’t care for yourself. That has to change. You ought be protected as a precious young lady by anyone in your employ and anyone around you, including you. This is a dangerous world. We don’t encourage our daughters to walk around naked in it because it makes them prey for animals and less than animals, a distressing majority of whom work in the music industry and it’s associated media.

You are worth more than your body or your sexual appeal. The world of showbiz doesn’t see things that way, they like things to be seen the other way, whether they are magazines who want you on their cover, or whatever … Don’t be under any illusions … ALL of them want you because they’re making money off your youth and your beauty … which they could not do except for the fact your youth makes you blind to the evils of show business. If you have an innocent heart you can’t recognise those who do not.

I repeat, you have enough talent that you don’t need to let the music business make a prostitute of you. You shouldn’t let them make a fool of you either. Don’t think for a moment that any of them give a flying fuck about you. They’re there for the money… we’re there for the music. It has always been that way and it will always be that way. The sooner a young lady gets to know that, the sooner she can be REALLY in control.

You also said in Rolling Stone that your look is based on mine. The look I chose, I chose on purpose at a time when my record company were encouraging me to do what you have done. I felt I would rather be judged on my talent and not my looks. I am happy that I made that choice, not least because I do not find myself on the proverbial rag heap now that I am almost 47 yrs of age … which unfortunately many female artists who have based their image around their sexuality, end up on when they reach middle age.

Real empowerment of yourself as a woman would be to in future refuse to exploit your body or your sexuality in order for men to make money from you. I needn’t even ask the question … I’ve been in the business long enough to know that men are making more money than you are from you getting naked. Its really not at all cool. And its sending dangerous signals to other young women. Please in future say no when you are asked to prostitute yourself. Your body is for you and your boyfriend. It isn’t for every spunk-spewing dirtbag on the net, or every greedy record company executive to buy his mistresses diamonds with.

As for the shedding of the Hannah Montana image … whoever is telling you getting naked is the way to do that does absolutely NOT respect your talent, or you as a young lady. Your records are good enough for you not to need any shedding of Hannah Montana. She’s waaaaaaay gone by now … Not because you got naked but because you make great records.

Whether we like it or not, us females in the industry are role models and as such we have to be extremely careful what messages we send to other women. The message you keep sending is that its somehow cool to be prostituted … its so not cool Miley … its dangerous. Women are to be valued for so much more than their sexuality. We aren’t merely objects of desire. I would be encouraging you to send healthier messages to your peers … that they and you are worth more than what is currently going on in your career. Kindly fire any motherfucker who hasn’t expressed alarm, because they don’t care about you.

As posted on www.sineadoconnor.com

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229 Replies to “The High-Value Woman Position On Miley Cyrus”

  • The whole music world manipulation plays into giving people a part of yourself that is personal. What she needs to focus on in the future is why is she doing it? That inner voice will be her best guide, not anyone elses opinion. Because ultimately it is your opinion of yourself that matters the most.

  • 2 things..

    First.. the main point she makes is that a woman doesn’t need to (and shouldn’t) place her value in her sexual appeal. Oddly enough, I whole-heartedly believed that I was worth only what I looked like until very recently. Logically, I knew that sounded odd, but when it came down to do.. my worth has been based on what kind of hair day I’m having and what’s on the scale for almost all of my life. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone there.. and I hope other females are waking up to that too- b/c it’s true that there is no power in that way of thinking (even though we are taught there is).

    Secondly, while I liked the advice on a whole.. and I don’t think this point applies to Miley, I do think that while we are teaching young woman that they are worth more than their looks… we also can’t shame them for taking pride in their bodies. It’s one thing to do it for attention… it’s another thing to feel good about yourself and be confident. I think the difference lies within the intention.

  • Here is my attempt at answering your queries:

    In truth: I really prefer the comments above where you state you don’t really care about the whole situation.. and what the population as a whole thinks. It mirrors my view of it too.. who cares?! It’s their life and there are ups and downs to every life.. so what?!

    Each of us has the power to live in the now and focus on bettering oneself and giving to and nurturing ourselves, giving to others and growing to make the world a more empowered and quality-full, loving, attentive and dynamic place.

    And yet, we are to a degree puppets, getting completely wrapped up in and turned around by media and then choosing to look at all the ‘news’ rather than looking at ourselves and take control of what it is that we can control. Ever notice on how the ‘news’ and versions of it like television, soap operas etc.. is catastrophic, miserable, shocking, sad, gossip.. and mainly never focuses on self. It’s almost as if we need the misery of the world or of others to create a life of meaning. Focus on everyone else’s poo and you don’t have to worry about or face your own. And vicious circle.. the more we do that, the more we feed the media what it takes for them to make more ‘news’ and money.. and it spirals.

    So my take on it all: live YOUR life to the fullest, search to grow always, when you make a mistake or live a tough moment, just get right back up and learn from it.. it has strengthened you, focus on the now and what is in your direct control.. do your best and come from an open/trusting/believing in the good of others perspective. Difference is amazing, not threatening. Complement yourself with others and fly. Give, love, grow, live.

    The minute we focus on ourselves, celebrate our worth and the worth of others and rejoice in the good out there (and even thirst for it) maybe we can shift media’s attention and broadcast.

    As to what Sinead thinks and expresses, part of me says again: who cares?! The other side feels like giving wing to your query:

    1) We are all extremely talented and powerful individuals. As such, we don’t need to objectify ourselves or be objectified by others for personal gains as often those gains are usually at a cost to ourselves.

    2) Self worth, self love, self respect: the basis for assertiveness and knowing and even expressing what is important to self and relating openly and honestly with others. An endless journey.

    3) According to your own teachings: ‘High Value Woman’.. it is important to be one.. or we will be taken for a ride. But that ride, goes back to point 2.. self worth,love and respect.

    She was publicly implicated in a comment, and wants to warn someone who she feels may be loosing herself in that industry publicly. So it could be potentially well meant and indeed kind.

    Still, we all know, whatever the intent, it is not always the impact/outcome and sometimes has no consequence. Miley will take her journey whichever way she chooses… as there is always a choice. And what she decides do to, will be her life. She will fall, learn, get back up, fly etc. etc., Too bad she will be so exposed and feel like she has to make this impression.

    I wish you all love, growth, love and life.

    Matthew, back at you. Let me know what you think when you have the time. And hello from the UK.

      1. HI Monique, Thanks for the message.

        I have never been called a Philosopher.. so thanks.

        And of course I care for others and have been in a few relationships that have made my heart ache, even break..
        So I open myself up to it completely.

        I love a handful of very close friends, my family dearly, animals and furry friends fully and would love nothing more than to find a special someone to reciprocate a non platonic love with.

        The post was however not about love and care for someone. :)

        Let me know if I have not answered your post. Have a great weekend (and hope your mood is better today).

        1. No, the post is about Miley. Not about a guy, neither pets, or close friends or family. You still are speaking about YOURSELF. The article is about female value and judgments. NOT about your OWN circumstances. It is normal that you care when it comes to a guy you are with or a pet in your house.

          So, think for one time outside of your OWN cicles, but how about certain behaviour of a female affecting her life and society.
          You DID mention in your post that you do not CARE at all what she is doing with her life.

          1. Hi M. Well, I seemed to have upset you and for that I am sorry. It was not my intent.

            1) I response was not about Miley Cyrus, but about a letter written to her by Sinead O’Connor.

            2) I find it terrible that we are always led by Media and the stories in it and very sad that Miley is so much in the spotlight. Sadder yet, she is probably there purposely to get more ‘reputation’ and ‘news’ spread about herfor the sales of her music. And though I am sure she is led by her managers etc, she has a huge choice in all of this too. It’s a danger that her example could be leading future generations of young women to act the same, if they think that’s the best way to get attention. I appreciated the fact that Sinead would want to warn Miley.

            3) Why in G-d’s name are we constantly speaking about this person? That’s what I don’t care for! Were I to be someone who could reach out to her and really make a difference, I would. Right now, I am just having a debate and sharing opinions with you.. and I can’t tell if that is going to have any positive outcome whatsoever.

            4) I can only speak in terms of my circles because those are the ones which affect my perception and also the ones I can influence. I am trying to broaden my sphere of influence. though that in itself is a slow journey.

            5) Women are amazing and so powerful. They don’t need to objectify themselves, they just need to know what’s important to them, be the best that they can be, sing to their strength and respect themselves and the difference around them. In doing so, they will influence naturally and in a positive way which will in turn influence their families, communities, cities, countries, the world.

            If I didn’t answer you in the way you deem, fit, then I don’t know what you are looking for and am probably missing the boat.. in any case, I wish you well and hope we can both make a massive difference for the positive in the worlds we live in.

  • I agree with every word Sinead O’Connor writes. The message is clear and true.

    One small obervation: Shame she had to resort to bad language. You can’t possibly offend anyone by saying the same thing in plain English but clearly, her audience is wide and someone is goin g to be offended with f-words flying about. Also, it can seem ‘cool’ to swear but of course it’s not. `A woman’s value is always brought down a notch if she uses truck-driver language as Sinead did there. Even though I appeciate Sinead is known for her ‘say it as it is’ approach – it doesn’t help her cause to suggest young women value themselves and then underline her advice with cheap, downmarket language!

    It would be the same if she were a man.

    but of course, her sentiments are good and all the better because she is 47.

    Monica

  • I respect Sinead O’Connor for trying to offer some good advice…unfortunately, it’s falling on deaf, young, ignorant, I’m too young to die, kind of ears…Miley will learn the hard way and she too will fall out of sight like so many before her.

  • Wow. Thank you Sinead O’Connor for caring and being a Real Role Model to women everywhere. Thankyou Matthew for posting this. Well Done.

  • I love that you don’t care much about celebrities or what the majority thinks. It has been my motto so far. To be honest I don’t even know what Miley did, guess she got naked or almost naked in public. As far as being a role model, I don’t believe it’s fair to blame celebrities for someone else’s choice. It sounds ridiculous when you think about it: ‘why were you naked in the club? Oh, i saw x,y,z on the tele’ Really? It’s stupid. I believe it all comes to how much you think you’re worth and how confident someone is in their strength. We all question ourselves at some point or have things we could improve. The main thing is to be objective about them and to change what we don’t like. And it’s also a matter of limits. We all ha d do’s and don’ts. And as long as the boundaries are clear for us, they will become clear for everyone. It’s about being true to yourself. Like she put it in the letter, it becomes quite clear that Miley doesn’t really care much about herself either and if she doesn’t, why would the others? And it makes perfect sense. It’s about puting oneself first, before everyone else’s interest, cause the others already put their interest on a top place.

    To conclude, if you don’t want other to see yourself like a sex object (just think how offended we get when having a conversation with a guy while he has one wih our boobs) start treating yourself like a person.

  • Yes thank you Sinead i connor! Thank you Miley for choosing sucha beautiful, sexy, wise and tslanted inspiration for your misic and life. I was a stripper in my 20’s and Sinead was one of my favorite musicians…i will definitively say, she was the better more enriching and longer lasting influence of the two.
    It is true what shd says, these guys do not give a flying, or even a walking Fuck about you as a person. Command the power of woman kind at every age…refuse to dance for a paltry supper at the table of your enemys. I love you.
    Thank you MAthew.
    Yours in Sisterhood
    Devorah rose honey bee light

  • Wow, it’s absolutely amazing. That Sinead wrote that letter and what she says. She’s so right with it and women should remember that more often. It’s our bodies and we should be proud enough of ourselves to be careful with who we show it to.
    First and foremost what touched me of it is that she reminded me that it doesn’t have anything to say if a guy is turned on by me and wants me in a sexual way. REAL love and REAL friendship should be based on different things. This may sound a little obvious and clear but for me it was important to hear (or read) that again.
    Thank you Sinead O’Connor and thank you Matthew, you’re doing such a great thing to so many people. Even my male friends profit from it in the meantime ;)

    Lots of love, Emily

    PS: Sorry if there are any language mistakes, I’m not a native English speaker.

  • Where do we draw the line here? I assume sinaed feels the same way about Gaga for example… Channa has also had her moments… why is miley any more of a role model than them if not for her Hannah Montana image? Do we assume that young people will listen only to miley and not be equally exposed to other celebrity role models? Don’t start with miley. Someone do something about mtv!

  • I read this letter yesterday as well and thought she did a very good job of getting her point across without blatantly offending Miley (even though that’s not how it was perceived from the latter, according to her Twitter posts after the letter).
    One point Sinead mentions in the letter is how women who perform sexually suggestive actions in order to show that they are empowered are not coming across as they think they are, and are definitely NOT empowering other women. I agree with that because I don’t think we need to show that we’re comfortable with being sexualized by being suggestive to millions of people (or really, to anyone).
    We don’t need to prove anything. If you’re truly empowered, you don’t feel the need to PROVE it to anyone. That’s like someone saying, “Hey, I’m really nice. Trust me. I’m so nice that I’m going to give you a bouquet of flowers. See? I’m nice, right?” You don’t have to do things to prove yourself if you truly are nice, empowered, etc. It’s just something you exude in your life because that’s what/who you are. You’re nice and decide to give a bouquet of flowers to show someone you appreciate them or help brighten their day, not so they’ll believe you’re nice.
    Basically, I think people are trying so hard to prove to others (and in actuality, themselves) that they ARE what they WANT to be. Let’s stop trying and start doing. If it is your true character, people will notice without you needing to prove it. =)

  • Rihanna* …. if anything miley is a perfect example of what the core of the industry can do to young women. Pimps in videos with erotic dancers,half naked women all over the media. It’s damaging. To men and women.

  • “None of the men ogling you give a shit about you either, do not be fooled. Many’s the woman mistook lust for love. If they want you sexually that doesn’t mean they give a fuck about you. All the more true when you unwittingly give the impression you don’t give much of a fuck about yourself.”

    It may be the worst thing about so-called “popular culture” right now. Whether it’s Rihanna, Lady Gaga or Miley, it doesn’t matter. It’s seriously disturbing the way they act on stage/in their videos.

    It’s really interesting to get this kind of a newsletter from a GUY. Thanks! xo

  • Sinead’s response is awesome. Spoken like a warrior princess.

    Unfortunately, the music biz rewards women for acting like tramps and then labels it “sexy”. It is not sexy, it is trashy and unoriginal.

    I hope that at some point, Miley establishes boundaries around her self worth, and make the choice to defend those boundaries fiercely.

  • Many thanks for posting Sinead’s open letter. It’s so good to hear this message from a venerable lady who rocks, and rocks on. I will remember this letter and its message to all of us women who are sometimes tempted to forego our standards in our quest to feel loved, and am grateful for it.

  • I like Miley’s music and her talent attracts me to her. I agree with you Sinead, Your letter is to simply help her realize her dignity is on the line. But more importantly to protect her from self-destructive weather adapted by choice or trained behaviors. I liked wrecking balls sound but when I saw the video it felt a little too much…and inconsistent with the true meaning of the song. This is me however, this is my opinion. God help her and us all too in this world.

  • Matthew,
    What a wonderful letter, so eloquently put together by someone who obviously a high value woman. When we are high value women we know from experience how very important these wise words are. The sentiments at the end of the letter lead so well onto the sentiments in your book. A woman’s body, her desire, the expression of her sexuality and femininity should be expressed within a safe, loving environment.
    When alarm bells are ringing, when behaviour is not right, you are not being valued you should walk away. Everything else will then be right. It will be loving, of value, not sleazy, one- sided. Sinead is right, when we have a good heart, when we are young and innocent it is not so easy yo recognise or take heed of these alarm bells.
    My goodness is it worth holding out for something of value, because when something is right you will feel it, you will know.
    Mother figures of high value need to be respected and so do sensitive men like Matthew who have all our best interests at heart. It’s why we instinctively love Matthew, we know he has a heart of gold and is more in tune with the human psyche than anyone we know.
    Please continue the good work Matthew. So many wise words from someone so young.
    Kathryn xx

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