My Biggest Complaint About Complaining

In this week’s episode of LOVELife, I cover the topic of complaining and how it can be a positive but doing so in the wrong way, can be negative.

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8 Responses to My Biggest Complaint About Complaining

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  1. Alexane says:

    Well I don’t totally agree, I have a friend who does what you say and I hate that sooo much ! But nobody seem to care so much.

    When acctually I’m complaining a bit, but about things I can’t change ! I don’t want my friends to give me empathy, I don’t want them to say anything acctually, I’m just thinking out loud. But some answer me “ah always complaining” in a friendly way.. But then what, do I have to keep it to myself ? I like or even I need to express what I feel, it’s my way of being !

    So how do I do if it’s about something I can’t change ? :/

  2. Nat says:

    So how would you deal with friends who always complain to you, especially if they’re sensitive people and you can’t just say “stop complaining” without ruining some level of connection?

  3. Kaja says:

    You are 100% right on that. It’s amazing how wise you are at such a young age. I’m 24 and you’re only a few years older and yet I’ve learned SO MUCH from you already that it’s incredible! Thank you Matt for what you’re doing and for helping other people grow. It’s truly inspiring. Have a great weekend ;)

  4. Anita D says:

    Hi Matthew,

    Complaining is like an addiction! People feel bad about something, they complain, they get empathy and they are good for a few hours or a few days with that dose of sympathy and again they feel bad…
    I see compulsive complaining as a symptom of insecurity, depression, or abusive relationships.
    Compulsive complaining will cause only pain and have really bad consequences :
    – building friendship with fake friends
    – your secrets can be turned against you
    – you might lose your credibility within your social circle

    Have a wonderful week-end! <3
    Big hugs
    Anita

  5. Marika says:

    Great topic, Matt! :)

    I have a close friend who broke up with her boyfriend of many years over a year ago. In the beginning I understood that she needed to talk about the breakup and how their relationship hadn’t been good for quite some time. I listened and tried to help her in any way I could. But like I said it’s been over a year now and she’s still complaining about the relationship. I’m a very patient person but I’ve had enough… The problem is that I haven’t said that to my friend because I know I’d feel guilty. Any advice on what I could say to her without hurting her feelings?

    • Barbara Müller says:

      Hi there,
      I don’t think there is any actual way of not getting into a small conflict, not “hurting” her emotions – those of being the deserving poor, at least.

      The important point is that while you need to be honest and say that the complaints alone are not enough, you also need to empower and encourage her in a positve, constructive way. Sure, you want her to stop complaining, but you ultimately also want her to finally get over it. To finally work through these feelings and let them rest in peace. Because you know she can be better than that. You certainly know her strength and her good parts.

      It’s “You complain way too much! You’re getting nowhere.” against “You really need to stop complaining, I know you’re stronger and better than that. You’re better than that guy anyway”

      That’d be my take, at least! The truth may be brutal, but it will be appreciated. Even if only in retrospect.
      I hope she’ll manage to get out of that state!

  6. ann says:

    wow. I am impressed with you on this!

    very eloquent!

    Fantastic job!

    ann

  7. JJ says:

    As long as someone is trying to find a solution to what they are complaining about I am fine with it but when it’s just pure ranting on and on, I won’t tolerate it. I instantly say back to them, yes that is horrible now how can I help you find a solution, or say now what are you going to do about it.

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