It’s the last thing you want to think about after 3 months of dating.
Chances are, you’re 100% in the love-struck honeymoon phase.
You call each other every day, you spend your weekends together, and you can’t wipe the smile from your face when your friends ask you about the new guy you’re seeing.
But this is also a crucial stage to check in and see if this is moving in the right direction. It’s easy now to assume that your newfound love will only grow and flourish from here, but the truth is, it could still fizzle out, or go in the wrong direction, or you could be headed for a big emotional comedown if you ignore certain problems now.
So to see if this is a guy you can really be with long-term, here are 3 questions to consider when you’ve been dating for 3 months:
1) Is there real sexual chemistry?
No, it’s not all about sex.
But if there’s not enough chemistry now, big trouble lies ahead.
I won’t go far as to see you should be constantly wanting to get naked and down to sweaty, passionate lovemaking every 2-3 hours, but you should feel a unique sexual attraction with this guy, something that makes you truly desire each other over anyone else.
If you ignore a lack of physical chemistry after a 3 month relationship, it’s unlikely to get any better down the road, so it’s worth seriously considering whether this is the best partner for you long-term if passion is something you want in your future.
2) Do you like/respect the way he lives?
Bad habits. Unhealthy lifestyle choices. Annoying behaviors and values.
These things can so easily be ignored when you’ve only been dating for 3 months. You may at this point see his carelessness, or his inability to stick to his word, or his weird moods as something that can be changed. Hey, maybe he just likes to get drunk most nights now, but that will probably ease up at some point, right?
Some of his behaviors may have given you a flash of worry at moments, but you’re hoping they can be swept under the rug because he’s so perfect in other ways.
Ignore this at your peril. It’s much better to face these things head on now and see how he responds to an honest conversation than it is to leave these red flags and wait for them to become relationship-threatening later on.
3) Are you both thinking about the same future?
Yes, it’s early days.
Maybe it’s not time to sit down and talk about marriage and kids, but you should at least have an idea that you’re both roughly on the same page as far as the future is concerned.
Make sure you have some of the big conversations: does he want a serious long-term commitment? What are his thoughts on kids? Where does he want to live in the next 5 years?
These are all things that you shouldn’t be afraid to discuss, at least so you know by 3 months if this is something that should last much longer – it might feel a little awkward, but you’ll feel much better knowing where you stand rather than putting it off for another day, so don’t be shy: if in doubt, talk about it!
Dear reader
My name is Sanda,i am 35 years old , 2 months ago i had data one gentle man for the first time in my life i like him and when we meet 3rd times we are madelove and i fall unlove to him , he told about our future alot but he doesn’t call me everydays he doesn’t talking about sexual on the phone he doesn’t told me he love me may be he doesn’t love me ? I feeling miss him love him .
Please answer to me .
Kind regards
Sanda.
These questions are great to see if this relationship is going towards long-term commitment, but – I wonder- when is Matthew going to make a video or an article for the women who aren’t ready for the big commitment just yet?
Because – they are too young, or not experienced enough to make a life-long commitment.
I would really like to see an article or video on that!
Great artcle. Love it! I would say these conversations need to start maybe even sooner than 3 months? After 6 dates or so? Just from a place of curiosity? while taking a walk on the Beach, perhaps? or some activity that allows walking by each other, less pressure, and not necessarily “looking into each others eyes while talking” ? I noticed people can express themselves easier and perhaps talk bat themselves easier, while in nature, and walking side by side, rather than sitting at the dinner table and having eye contact while talking??? What do you think, MAtthew?
Hey Mat, love the work you are doing. I am currently in the dilemma that I like a guy who I met on Tinder but I know I can’t fall in love with him due to religious differences and the fact that he is a foreigner. He constantly expressed his affection towards me but I never do the same and I told him straight about my worries (eg: family and friends opinion and etc). I have to admit I kind of like him and want to be close however at the same time I am so afraid. I afraid to fall in love with him because I think we are gonna to break up anyway somehow at some point. But he responded that we should at least try and even said I can leave him if I could continue no more. What is your advice on this?
Hi Matt. My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year now. It seems that my annoying way of not thinking smart a lot of the time is costing my relationship. I realize that I need to toughen up, think first, and not be so frantic when things get stressful. I know that I cannot change over night, but I have been this way the whole relationship & he just can’t deal with it anymore. It’s not too much to ask from me and I love us. We want kids and a family, he fears I’ll be careless with our kids but I know in my heart I won’t be. I’d just like your advice on how to go about dealing with this.