How To Deal With Stage Fright

Hey it’s Matt,

I made this video from my bedroom balcony on my Retreat on Clearwater beach

It’s day two of the programme right now, three more to go! The changes so far have already been beautiful to watch. We had a woman who was so terrified of public speaking that she broke down in tears at the thought of it. 

Within the space of 5 minutes she was on stage giving a speech. There were literally gasps in the 
room followed by huge applause at how quickly she went from tears to confidence. 

And that was just the second day!

In aid of this moment I decided to make a spontaneous video about stage fright. The cool part about it is that it can be used in situations with men that normally make you nervous too. 

Matthew x

Question of the day:
What situation do you often find yourself in in your life where you would like to be more confident? Tell me in the comments below! 

P.S. If you want more information on my 5 days retreats, you can check it out here.

The next Retreats are in Clearwater beach Florida this October and Palm springs California in December. Spaces are limited so apply now while they are available!

If you haven’t pre-ordered your copy of the GetTheGuy book in the United States, you can do it here: Amazon / Barnes & Noble

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

64 Responses to How To Deal With Stage Fright

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  1. Mary says:

    Lifechanging.

  2. Kira says:

    This is similar to what I usually tell myself except I tell myself to do my best but no more. Used to, if I didn’t do everything right, I’d get very upset and be mad at myself but after I changed my perception on it, (which I did because I made a fool of myself and made a bad situation worse) I’m much more forgiving because I can honestly tell myself that 1. I did the best I could and 2. It’s not the end of the world and I’m not *insert self insults*

    Before hand it was, I didn’t do enough, I failed and I’m too *insert self insults* And as you can imagine I wasn’t too keen on picking up new challenges because I felt I had to do everything perfectly. If I wasn’t excelling, I was falling behind and that just wasn’t acceptable.

    But now the more I fail the more things I try to pick up because I have to prove to myself that I can do things.

  3. Eve says:

    Well, that was unexpected… but makes sense. I try to tell myself to do myself justice, but I guess that just builds pressure. Average is good! :D

    x

  4. Hannah says:

    Hi Matt,

    so I kinda break down when someone just decides to have high expextations in something I am spontaniously supposed to do… Sounds like an awekward thing, but when I tell people like… eg. well I can kinda sing a little, and someone asks me to just sing something it never turns out. I have that with all kind of things, though, which is really annoying. Could you give me some simple trick or mindset?

    Thanks for your help, the blog is amazing,
    Hannah

  5. Eveliina says:

    When I have to go up to the whiteboard in my classroom I become nervous but when I start to talk then I think quietly to myself to take it easy, talk clearly and if a few classmates don´t like it so i just ignore them. And it is really working! :)

  6. Kristen says:

    Amazing advice! Not focusing on being perfect actually will allow us to be ourselves, which is who we need to be when we are looking for someone to begin a relationship with! Secondly, this is can absolutely be applied in public situations where you are in the eye of everyone around you. I am an acoustic guitar soloist/singer and I actually just recently applied this technique and I wound up doing a much lovelier performance than I would have had I been focused on being perfect…and therefore focused on when I missed picking a note. Nobody noticed, and I even got very positive feedback! In the back of my mind, I heard you saying that “it’s ok to be average”…and you are so right! Now….I just need to apply this in the guy situations! However, my first and most mountainous problem is I attract the WRONG guys. Not “bad boys”…but old men! And the guys my age hang back…away from me. It almost seems like guys my age shut down if I go and talk to them. I’ve been in situations where I am asking them about themselves, trying to get them to talk, and they answer, but they don’t make initiative to really ask me about me, which as I understand means that they are not interested in me, I think? I will keep listening to your words of wisdom! I’m working on the eye contact thing! Thanks, Matthew!!!

  7. Pris says:

    This is an unconventional way of thinking. :)

    While everyone tell us to do the best, here is Matthew Hussey advising us to do average.

    I like it and I’m gonna try it. ^^

  8. Michele says:

    You are awesome Matthew. I suffer from stage fright constantly, especially talking to that cute guy that I’m attracted to. Giving myself permission to just be average when I approach that guy takes the pressure off definitely. Thank you ! xx
    Michele

  9. Law says:

    Hey Matthew – Thank you so very much. I too am a perfectionist and suffer from stage fright. I have to give oral arguments in court tmo, and I am going in there to do an average job. Thanks again

  10. Lori says:

    That was an amazing video! Just what I needed to watch! Thank you so much. I almost teared up because you make it sound so easy. I can’t wait to try this. I have tremendous stage fright, and my goal is to work through the fear this year… Thanks a Million!!!

  11. Megan says:

    Matt, this vlog couldn’t have come at a more better time. On Saturday I will be doing Kareooke. I haven’t done it since I was 12 years old and I am now 24. I will be going with the guy I like (though I’m not sure if he knows of my feelings) and I will be meeting all of his friends (so its a double whammy). I have problems being on stage or even giving speeches to classmates (to the point where I shake, blush and my voice fades in and out) much less meeting a whole bunch of new people. While I am currently looking forward to doing kareooke/meeting his friends on Saturday I know that when it finally rolls around I will be feeling the complete opposite. Your words will be in my mind that it is okay to be average, that way I don’t have too much pressure on my mind ;) THANKS!

  12. Rachel says:

    That’s amazing advice! I like the way you collate the really good stuff out there, as well as create :-)

  13. Sara says:

    Apparently I often find myself in marriage ceremonies that I’m not actually supposed to be IN.

  14. Sara says:

    Since I am going to the temple tomorrow I am hoping to pray away my inanity. *insanity

    UG.

  15. Sara says:

    Nice video!

  16. Nicki says:

    Just seen this video and its brilliant I have to speak at my brothers wedding on Saturday and was absolutely not looking forward to it until now
    Thanks a million x

  17. Sara says:

    God I love you. You’re amazing.

  18. odarya says:

    Hi matt..

    thanks for this advice.. was really helpful.. :)

    I just recently ran into my crush at the store and it was completely unexpected..! and I was so nervous, could barely get a few words out..

    but now I know that if I do happen to meet him again randomly, I will be alright..

    thank you again.. hope you continue making such awesome videos helping people worldwide..

    x

  19. Diane says:

    I always feel nervous before talking in front of a group of people. I know what I will be talking about, but I still feel quite nauseous ! I think I’m afraid of being stupid in front of them.
    My nervousness calms down after a few minutes, but then I worry that if I stop talking, I will feel nervous at once ! So I keep talking until I’m finished ! :P At least, I’m not on the verge of tears anymore !

    Thanks for the advice, Matt ! Take care !
    x

    • Sara says:

      Silence is golden” to process what you are feeling in any given moment and breathe and think and then speak. Talking and talking and talking is often a cover up for discomfort witin. Just because you talk a lot dont think that people can’t tell how you feel. Be honest with your emotions & you’ll be fine.

  20. esperanza says:

    You look so handsome in this video. Thank you for all your advice. Take care! Hugs!

  21. Misha says:

    Amazing as always Matt.Thanks for sharing the Osmond anecdote.

  22. Aylin says:

    such brilliant advice! and so simple! thanks, Matt! xx

  23. novalee truesdell says:

    i want to be on the balcony of your bedroom with you

  24. Celine says:

    I tend to be a perfectionist and a workaholic at times. Anytime performance reviews are given, I get pretty anxious and shaky. I’m going to try and apply this trick from now on and see how it goes! It sounds like a healthy way to self-talk yourself through any sort of challenge :).
    Thanks for sharing, and I love the view!!! How awesome is that sky?!?!?

  25. Cecilie Sadolin says:

    Hi Matt.
    Cecilie here. I Just felt inspired to leave you a comment on this subject. !! – forgive me if it’s a bit long, and honest. But here it goes.:)
    I’m a singer and songwriter from Denmark, and I have struggled so horrible with this stage fear my whole entire life, ironically. :) I’ve been singing professionally since I was four years old, releasing cd’s performing on big stages, television shows ect. and everywhere I went I was told that I was the next BIG thing. I started to feel this huge amount of pressure around me, and I developed this false sense of confidence only enough to protect my own surface when I went on stage. Suddently stupid things started to matter, how I looked, how thin I was, what I should and should not do, and I completely lost the joy to it. It got so bad that I at age thirteen developed a difficult eating disorder, moved away from home to live on my own, and I went into a shell. For six years I did not sing, write, perform or create anything, and I began moving my life into new directions. In some ways it was good, cause I found a lot of new areas very exiting, but deep down I was actually sad, cause I knew that singing and writing was my true calling. The problem was that I was blocked in anger, I had the feeling that my identity had been stolen from me, that I didn’t have any controle and people just wanted me for who I was on the surface.
    I was so sad and scared of people, and I needed a long time out from my own and other peoples expectations, goals and dreams for the future.

    I then started in therapy and went once a week for four years. It took me tons of tears, break-ups with family, friends, expectations and relationships to rebuild my identity based on who I am as a person and what I can give instead of how I look or what I can achieve. In that process I started writing my own songs again but with a new perspective. Again I cried and screamed for months but at the end of the process I felt so extreamly relieved and inspired that wanted to contribute in some sort of way, and I began to do free workshops and counselings with people in writing music and creating storys.
    Today I have made a living out of it, and I am back where I was ten years ago. I’m 25, have dropped my education as a occupational therapist in October last year to focus on getting in to the music conservatory in Denmark. I am ready to give my all to music, and to help and love everyone who is blocked in some sort of way.
    I now work with a completely different motive and that is to contribute, to give and to speak my truth, where before it was to actually please everyone else. – and that is such a shitty a place to be, and THAT creates nerves.
    Life became fantastic when I changed my perspective from wanting validation and approval to actually just live in giving and receiving to and from people and to be ok with the outcome.

    I hope I don’t sound too cheasy:) – I just wanted to share how horrible nerves sometimes can damage you if they are born from other peoples expectations. Sometimes you have to go deeper…

    Love to all… Cecilie

  26. mimi says:

    Hi Matt. I work for large organisation where almost everyone aggressively tries to be visible. My stage fright is the order of the day i plan to try your methos out first chance i get — my goal is to find my voice.

  27. Korinne Linvog says:

    This was exactly what I needed to hear right now! Thank you for all your videos and helpful advice. You’ve made a big difference in my life and I’m really looking forward to seeing you in person in Seattle!

  28. Britt says:

    Wow… today I did try your advice and what a grate feeling going into the game, thinking do it avarge, and you know what, it was my best game for many years. I made 8 goals compaired with 2 or maybe 4 in one game. Normaly I do think, come on, you can do it, you can do better than last time, and then what I’m really doing, is hidding myself in the head with all my own expectations. So thank you Matt.

  29. Debz says:

    I want to be more confident expressing my opinion. When someone is talking quite strongly about something, and assume I agree (because they assume anyone in their right mind would, kind of thing), I’m too passive. I’d like to be able to cut in and go ‘Wait. But I actually DON’T feel that way about it. This is what I think and why…”, but I never seem to be able to do that; I just think about it instead.

  30. Learning says:

    Thanks,

    Today I needed to hear that. I am having all kinds of trouble at work, and I am trying to “fix” everything by trying to be perfect. But I’m not perfect and never will be, and if this isn’t the job for me, then I can eventually find another place to work. Trying to be perfect and trying to do everything “right” makes us unable to do anything. : )

    • Aylin says:

      This is so true! I know exactly how you feel – have the same problem – wish to be perfect all the time, and fear to fail, which results in a more or less constant paralysis. I wish i knew how to get out of this vicious circle!

  31. Jill says:

    I was just thinking about this last night! I don’t necessarily get stage fright but I am a perfectionist and a planner. I will plan down to the word what I’m going to say but have realized that is what makes me panic. I’ve really had to learn to just do it. I can plan until I’m blue in the face but just like in life things never go as planned. What helps me is telling myself “They are human just like you” I think we should all be human and average together

    • Sara says:

      You only plan step by step by step the things that you fear Like my wedding for instance. I labelled the suitcases and every item in my make up bag (FACE EYES BHINDI) I got really really O C D You usually aren’t O C D about things that feel right 4 u It felt right at the beginnning & then it just took some strange strange turns. Like I’ve wanted to go back to Houst on ever since I got here. I was not living in the present. Because the present was too stressful . I’m sitting in front of a shoe box that says “British Walkers Power Stride ” I don’t remember who gave me this box at the wedding. I don’t remember my own wedding. iI remember someone saying “Kahdims but I don’t remember who …

  32. M says:

    That’s good advice! I’ll have to use that in building relationships with people, especially men! Building relationships with people has been my biggest problem, but just learning to be more confident, being myself, and not worrying about what others may think has been a great Improvment so far.

    Thank You for great advice Matt!
    M

  33. Dee says:

    I am a lifetime professional in Hollywood. But behind the camera not in front. I do really well in directing people past stage fright. But recently I have had to speak on camera to share this instruction and wow. It’s so much easier to give my advice than to take it. I love your work but specifically two recent posts yesterday’s with the music video about making cardboard castles and today’s vid sharing Osmands refocus on doing an average job were truly breakthrough for me. Thank you for being that little push that can make all the difference.

    Dee

  34. Michelle says:

    Hi Matt!

    Great advice, as usual. Thank you for being you.

    AND…I was at your LA event where you were giving all that attended a copy of your book…still waiting and Im dying to read it!!!!!

    Michelle :)

  35. Jen says:

    Hey Matt,

    Thanks for the advice, I’m gonna give it a shot! I’m very good with people on a one to one basis, put me in amongst a group and I clam up! I’ve always found it really frustrating as I love socialising and have so much to give but due to my stage fright i tend to come across as shy with little to contribute! I sooooo want to change this! Your video has been really helpful as It has made me realise I do put too much pressure on myself to be the ultimate social butterfly straight away! I’m gonna take things a step at a time, work on creating some positive reference points and see how I go! :)

  36. Cindy says:

    I find myself really unconfident, uncomfortable and even scared in places like night clubs and such. There are just so many people trying to talk to each other and the music is so loud you can’t even hear your own thoughts let alone someone else speaking.
    So what typically happens is that I gradually fall out of every conversation and end up just sitting there awkwardly while everyone else is yelling something to one another. I really don’t have the guts to join in on any conversation either because people tend to get so overpowering and I don’t know how to fight to get my word out. Me being a near teetotaler might have something to do with this of course, but I refuse to start drinking just to feel more confident in clubs. Any ideas on how to work the night life like the high confident, high value woman I am?

    • Jess says:

      I am actually going through the same thing. People in night clubs and bars are so obnoxiously loud here in the U.S…the guys act like frat boys and the girls seemed to have lost their femininity. It’s not like I am softspoken or anyhting ,but I do feel I have to put on an act to get approached. Last time I went to a bar I did an experiment where I decided to be just as loud as the other girls…and that’s when the heads started turning and people wanted to talk to me. Maybe Matt can us understand .)

  37. annie says:

    I’d actually like to be more confident with a guy I know. Im usually very confident and outgoing but he kind of intimidates me so I feel like Im not my usual self around him which is very annoying.

  38. Petra says:

    Back at high school I was quite an outsider, introverted, being nervous about doing whatever in public…then at college I don’t know what happened to me, but I suddenly decided I didn’t wanna stay at the back, so I pushed myself into situations where I knew I would have to challange myself. so I joined one of student clubs where I had to speak in front of hundreds of other students in English (foreign language for me;). I was freekin nervous, but I did it, went well, so I did it again and again…at grad school I was already recognized as student leader and the uni is now inviting me to come over and mentor and coach students…you simply have to find some motivation inside and then actually make a quick decision and just do it.
    so I have no fear of public speaking now, though I do have respect for it, so I always carfully prepare…anyway, I still need to work on approaching guys I like and behaving naturally, still ain’t good in this. but I keep trying, it’s like I’m in my testing period now, it will bring results soon :)
    cheers,
    Petra

  39. Barbara says:

    Hey! I
    would love to be more confident while having presentations and while talking to guys. When I have presentations I’m so scared that I end up having a really bad performance in front of everyone and only want to finish it as fast as possible. Thats not even the worst my voice is shaking all the time while I do them as well.
    I’m getting better with talking to guys but I still get really nervous, while talking to those I feel attracted to.

  40. Adria says:

    Clearwater and surrounding area are just magical. I’ve been there several times. I used to be terrified of getting up in front of people when I was younger. I did a Dale Carnegie course about a few hundred years back and it did me well. But since my divorce 2.5 years ago I had to recondition myself to get back there in the land of the brave. I’ve come a long way and not doing too bad but have my moments of fearfulness of not being perfect. This video will be a good reminder of allowing myself to be average and hopefully wonderful things will happen as a result. Thank you Matthew and thank you for the sunset. Haven’t seen that view in quite some time. X

  41. Jane McGowan says:

    I love all ur advice thanks Matt, i’m a bit more confident now than i used to be..i’m still very shy tho and this does go against me, but i’m going to try out what you said in ur video

  42. Neon says:

    Mathew,

    thankyou for this blogggg… <3
    I was going to ask you the exact same thing. Ive liked this guy for the past 4 years. call it a crush but its not fading away. he was my senior in college. whenever i saw him in the past 4 years. which was just thrice, i was too shy to go up and say hi to him.. blame his gorgeous brown eyes! but two days ago i bumped into him… after good half an hour of struggle, i did manage to say hi and he was all hi how are you too… i was running out of what to say to him… he hates talking about work outside work so i didnt know what to ask him… plus 4 years, i dont know what to ask him really… suggestions please.

    2ndly, in all of the 4 times ive met him. I am the one who always says hi. he never does. when i met him two days ago, i saw him looking at me but didnt say hi… then i had to make the move but does that mean, he is not interested? and i should top trying? he never inboxes me when he comes on facebook even… i dont either… but i want to get some progress. its been 4 years, i dont want to loose him and then regret it… i tihnk he is the shy sort. what to do!

    YOU ARE MY GURU. HELPPPPPPP!!!!
    -Neon

  43. Pèta-Jane says:

    Thanks for video, brilliant advice. I’m quite a reserved & quiet person, which can come across as shyness. Always put pressure on myself as never thought I was that good at anything. But now I will always think go & just be myself. Thank you :-) xx

  44. T says:

    Good advice Matt. So much pressure can be put onto someone’s shoulders when they’re expected to go out there and do their absolute best, which can be a deterrent in the first place – especially for the introverted type.
    I am hoping to find ways of overcoming my ‘stage fright’ and timidness now that I seem to have a man in my life.
    Enjoy the rest of the program, Matt, and congratulations to the woman who overcame her shyness for public speaking.

  45. Yvonne says:

    Nice!!! :-)
    They ‘magic word is’ AVARAGE!
    It means to be medium. But what does medium really evoke in us?
    It means the middle and on a subconscious level we are summing ourselves up … guess where? ;-)
    ….. in our … CENTER!!!

    To speak, to feel and to live life from one’s center is the most authentic place to be. This is why I can see perfectly what Matt is stating here about exceeding expectations.

    Thanks for sharing!

  46. Sofie says:

    I already have the guy :)
    But I got myself a new job. And I will be giving presentations to a lot of people.
    I know I will grow in it, but I tend to get really nervous (because I’m a perfectionist, I suppose) and also start to blush a lot in public…
    I will remind your advise.
    And hope it will help.

    It sounds calming to me :)
    Thx, Matt!

  47. Marie-antonine Woutaz says:

    Hi Matthew. Beautiful sky in Clearwater!!! Thank you for the video and this useful piece of advice. It seems obvious but it is not. I still need to improve my confidence in myself as far as rejection is concerned. I am much better at accepting rejection from a guy I am interested in but I am still not at ease when I am about to reject a nice guy who is attracted to me and shows me clearly that he would like to see me more. I feel a real big pressure; I can feel it on the psychological and physical level. I want to do in a very nice way not hurting his feelings. Right now I have accepted a second date with a guy although I was not sure about it. I always thought I should cancel the date, but the more I wait the most difficult it gets. So when it is definitely too late, I have to go to that date… and I am not at my best… so I guess I will do the best I can (… average!!). Thank you Matt. Take care Big hug from Switzerland

  48. Yuetching says:

    Yep that’s true!!!I beat myself up all the time for making this small error, that small error that I dun enjoy my life as much. Thank you so much for this video!!! Hahaha the freedom of not being perfect xxx Be your average for the new day!!! x

  49. Yvette says:

    Absolutely brilliant advice. How often have I been deterred from doing “stuff” because I thought I wasn’t going to be the best?! It really holds you back. This way of thinking is empowering. Yesterday I did some DIY for the first time EVER and it was an A-MA-ZING experience; I thought I’d be rubbish at it, but today I’ve decided to build some cupboard shelves! Looking forward to more of your insightful videos Matt. And as for that view….!! X

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      hey Yvette,

      I used to suffer from the same problem. But if you allow yourself to start at average, you can work up to outstanding!

      x

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