Why Is He A Player And Will He Ever Change?

Hey guys,

Check out this video first as it’s an example of what I’m going to be talking about in today’s video:

Now some of you may have found this guy shocking and you’re wondering what this has to do with understanding men in general. Paul is certainly an extreme example of a player, but in order for us to have a greater understanding of the typical guy, we have to look at such examples from the outermost points on the spectrum and find out what is really driving these types of guys.

As I mentioned in the video, Paul is now in a serious, long-term, and committed relationship, and after hearing this I decided to track him down and find out exactly what had happened that made the shift for him to want to be in a relationship.

This interview is going to be included as just one of the many bonuses in my brand new, online programme, and so Thursday is going to be your chance to get your hands on it in full.

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226 Responses to Why Is He A Player And Will He Ever Change?

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  1. Sonya Urumova says:

    Hi Matt, I am meeting perhaps the most famous Player in my country for more than an year, we have a strong connection and I am meeting lots of his needs, but yet he remaines the same Player.
    The reason why I love him is that he showed me what an amazing person he is above the game (“behind the scenes”). He invested in me his time, his attention, his efforts (Last year I had a huge renovation at my apartment, he made most of the repairments of my home, we were going together, shopping furniture and etc. and even now our apartments are almost the same) and etc.
    I really need to know what else can I do, what am I missing, how to improve myself and my approach, since he pulled out recently.
    Thank you in advance!
    xxx Sonya

  2. Charissa Wong says:

    Is this interview still available? If so, where can we access it?

    • MH Support says:

      Hi Charissa, thank you for asking! Fast Track to Mr. Right members have exclusive access to this interview. Fast Track to Mr. Right is Matt’s subscription program that outlines the immediate steps to meeting amazing men and shows how to create attraction on a deep level. Split over six months, the course is like having Matt coach you through the process of getting your love life into shape. It contains over 15 hours of video seminar footage with Matt, along with expert interviews and recorded Q&A discussions. If you’re interested in learning more, or trying the program for free for 14 days, contact our customer support team: support@howtogettheguy.com. Have a wonderful day!- Mars

  3. Melissa says:

    Women need to be VERY careful about thinking that a player like that guy can change… Players are players because they are NARCISSISTS. Which means they believe they are more important than everyone else in the world. They sleep with lots of women and dump them because they do not care if they hurt someone. They are not capable of feeling sympathy or empathy for other people. They feel nothing when they hurt you. We are not born having love, empathy and sympathy. It is taught to us by our parents. Narcissists, unfortunately, wete NOT taught those things when they were growing up. Something happened to them (bad parenting, trauma) which caused them to SKIP the stage of growth where humans develop the ability to love and have empathy. They CANNOT do it. Plain and simple. Every psychologist in the world will confirm to you that there is NO cure or effective treatment for narcissism. In fact, therapy makes these people WORSE because in therapy / counselling sessions (like marriage or family counselling) narcissists actually learn MORE about their victims and how to manipulate and abuse them more effectively! They even manipulate therapists! They have little or no emotion. And because of that, they are perpetually bored with life. So they try to see how much they can get away with, in order to make their life more thrilling. Narcissists generally use other people as a “source” for what is called “Narcissistic supply”. Supply is anything that gives them what they want/need– being admired, getting attention, being catered to, being recognized, being seen as amazing or perfect. Sometimes the supply they are after is money, expensive posessions, red-carpet living, or great social connections. But they also feel a strong need to control their victims. To think for them, decide for them. They also feel a strong drive to be obeyed, without question. They dont like it when people have individual ideas and opinions. They hate being defied. But more than anything, they hate being called on what they are, or exposed. Doing so is dangerous, they will usually go to all lengths to destroy you for that. If they think their victim is disobeying them, challenging them or disagreeing with them, or if their victim starts to see what they truly are and no longer worships them as “perfect and superior”, they will go into a fit of rage, saying horrible things and sometimes being violent. Finally, if they cannot get their victim back under cok ntrol, they will abandon their victim and replace them with a new “source of supply”. They also have NOTHING inside themselves, they are completely shallow, soulless and empty. So they “feed” from their chosen “source”, stealing away all that person’s evergy and vitality for themselves. Victims of narcissistic abuse often feel drained, numb and worn down. Even reduced in value, like their love for life has disappeared. Sometimes a player (narcissist) will find a lover (source) who is an EXCELLENT source! A source they can suck and feed on, or use, for quite a long time! Maybe she has money, or great connections, or maybe she sees him as perfect and superior… As long as she continues bending over backwards to hand him as much supply as he demands, he will keep sacking it out of her. But eventually…. She will wise up to him and the well is going to run dry. He will then blame HER for everything, drop her like a hot potatoes, and go back to his old ways. But NO, these guys DO NOT change.

  4. Katy Williams says:

    There’s this guy that use to go to the same small church as me and over the years we had many chances to talk yet never did. Sure we’d like each other’s pictures online here and there but that was all. Until he DM me out of the blue one night. I had alway thought he was attractive, so I messaged back, we messaged none stop for a few days. Until I started feeling like I was putting in most of the work in conversations and stopped replying. Out of boredom/curiosity I started talking to him again to see what would happen. Things were going even better than before, we talk every day but I’m starting to get the feeling like he’s playing me. For example, he usually only compliments me when I’m in a bikini or sports bra. Also on two separate occasions he has asked me to hang out and both times he’s the one to back out last minute. I just don’t know what to do, should I walk away or is there something I can do to get him to stop flaking so I can move on or we can move forward.

  5. Amrita says:

    Hello Mathew ,
    This guy is respulsive but I think he was trying to fill an emptiness that he didn’t even know was there . I think he was using sex for the wrong reason which is why it could never fulfill him. Not everyone is going to understand why you needed to understand this guy but I think it was a great idea to interview him considering how you try to help people . I love your videos . Keep up the good work .

  6. Mina says:

    I’m confused, why would you want to coach women on how to get the player type of guy when he’s the kind of scum we should be avoiding, myself I found this person to be oozing slime out of his mouth and extremely fake, boring, and typical American trash. Only One word came to mind for me and that was, AIDS. I personally have never dated a man that even remotely comes close to this type of person. I value myself too much to even want to let anyone like this who has disrespected so many women and used them for his own needs treated them as objects. Why would you advice such an un conscious action? As women it SHOULD MATTER To us how a man has treated his previous partners in his past. This is just shameful, for you to track him down and treat him as some prize that needs to be won.

  7. B dal says:

    Women weren’t doing anything WRONG with that idiot slimeball. They trusted a man who is a psychopath. Harvard should revoke his degree.

  8. T-Cat says:

    Awwwwwe, nooooooo!!! I’m too late! :(. Is this interview available perhaps in an e-book or program that needs to be purchased? If not, PLEASE include it in a program or SOMETHING so I can purchase it & listen to it too?

    I absolutely LOVE your work & your smile! :p

  9. Patience says:

    You can never tell a real player their manipulative skills are way too complex when you start dating someone you either like them or you don’t and sometimes you won’t know them till the false self wears off which most played don’t get to see. My best friend/ex is a master player he is handsome charming sensitive and has the gift of gab to boot he will make any woman feel special with the attention good morning beautiful good night sweet dreams kinda play the victim to get the attention of the motherly figure from you and you won’t even know it I’ve seen it I knew my ex was this way before I was with him I accepted him and after two years he couldn’t carry the guilt of hurting me so we are good friends

  10. Jen says:

    I’m basically having a fling with this guy,I feel he’s a player, how can I be sure?

  11. Kamila says:

    so he basically is hungry for lady parts until he meets miss Right, who has more value than all the other chicks. Sounds like a familiar Disney-Princess story to me. I just hope that there are enough miss Rights out there to accommodate every single player.

    • Kamila says:

      also, I think he can truly train women to become player-retaining miss Right-machines. He can teach you how to become valuable and necessary. If you have a player boyfriend/ lover who is thinking of dumping you, or has dumped you, then you obviously have no value to offer to him, and that is inherently your fault. This wonder-course will indeed teach you how to attain value! :)

  12. Kamila says:

    check one two

  13. Brandi says:

    Is it really that bad what he said, about any of it really? I didn’t find any of that video offensive. So he likes sex. And they all were so shocked at the comment he made about watching the girl shove her to thick thighs in jeans that are to tight that makes him realize she’s like everyone else trying to get by, I didn’t see anything wrong with that. I mean maybe it’s because I never really plan on getting married or having a serious relationship that it doesn’t bother me but I don’t see why they were getting so offended by it.

  14. Nadiah says:

    hello matthew,
    i found it very interesting about what you said specially the part about ‘add value to his life’. i realise that some players are afraid to get committed inspite they got someone sincere and it is the case for me. i just came out from a break up and i don’t really understand why but he did told me he have feelings but there’s still something pulling him back. The way someone look at you tells you about what he feels. somewhere i think i mess up because maybe i haven’t been able to proof him i can add value to his life. i’m confuse and i don’t know what steps to take to make him change his mind

    looking forward to hear you,
    Nad :)

  15. Joanne says:

    A player will ALWAYS be a player. Dangerous to date one.

    • Hidz says:

      I am dating one right now and he seems very attached to me. The secret is keep the vibe on and makes him wonder what’s going to happen next. I am sure each of us have so much craziness and fun things that we would like to do. Challenge him, make him do masculine things and add some value to his life once you spot the opportunity. So far things goes pretty well. Wish me luck. This is the metrosexual type of man that once said to me he could get a different woman to go out with him every week like that. Let’s see then… :)would I crack his Paul version or not.

  16. latoya booker says:

    hi mat iv been dealing with a guy since i was 18 back then he was the player type weve been through ups and down he was 27 at the time. Now im 26 and he is 34 and things have changed we reinterduced ourselves to eachother as friends to see if we were compatiable with eachother hes been telling me he does not want a relationship after the fact of us being intimate with eachother and me fullfilling every need that there is most important his friend then all of so sudden he tells me he loves me and he shows it in every way but he tells me he wants to be single still i have other options on the line what should i do i feel i wasted enough time loving this man through all of his druma and still no result

  17. barada jawhary says:

    Hey …. I just wanted to know the 7 things guys focus on , on a first date :)

    • Hidz says:

      I can give one,
      – Your personality. Either you are fun or boring, interesting or not.

      The rest!!! Hey Matt she is calling you.

  18. Stella says:

    Hi Matt, this is Stella from Italy. I do really like what you say in your videos and was very relieved when reading your last email from the newsletter where you wrote about the fact that a player always remains a player, not worth to spend time in trying and change him. But now that I have seen this video I am a bit confused. Can you explain better if it’s worth to deal with such a type of man?
    Thanks for everything,
    Stella

  19. georgia says:

    Hello Matthew!

    I was wandering if you have any videos about older women with yunger men and how to keep them. My boyfriend is 23 and I am 40… We are together for one year now. Do you belive there is a chance for us? I can’t be yung for ever and my age will start to sow more and more by the years. He seems not to care about that but I know that will change. So, tell me what do you belive about that? What do you suggest?

  20. kate says:

    Hey matt,
    Thank you for all of this brilliant info :D
    My Question is how to understand what drive guys at a fundamental level? And how do I add value to someones life?
    Kate x

  21. hani says:

    so nicey blog! currently dating guy for 6months.keep in touch with once a week at least seeing and just hang out but he doesnt show up to commit,yeah he is having sex with me only no other girls dating tho,but way he’s type kinda play guy like to hangout bunch of guys..driking..sports..i never asked date first, always wait and he asks me out. i wanna kinda move on further or ditch him or wait to be dumped. but i really really like him… ouch…what should i do?!?

  22. Karlie says:

    I love the program Matt, very valuable advice and uplifting to me after coming out of a physically and verbally abusive relationship a while ago.
    I know this is unrelated to the general topic here, but would you give some thought to a future blog giving advice to single women with young children? I would love to hear your advice on the subject.
    Cheers, Karlie

  23. olivia says:

    OMG THAT SCENE WITH YOUR MOM IS TOOO FRIKKEN CUTE!!!! HOW COME YOU”RE NOT MARRIED?!?!?!?!!!! YOU”RE A CATCH!

  24. Abby says:

    Hi i was just wondering if you can give me some advice on talking to guys and if i should just go up to them or not. I am only 14 and everything but i really want to have a relationship but im really shy and dont know if im ready. Could you help? Thanks :)

  25. Kat says:

    Best video yet. It’s so true, I’ve found that guys will initially move in for physical stuff to see if you’ll go for it (because that’s how they’re built) but when you have more to offer than just “being hot”, it intrigues them. … you’re seen as something original and more valuable. Love your advice Matt. You’re changing the world! :)

    Kat

  26. S says:

    Cool, this is true, more true I’d say of very many non heterosexual guys. There is a very real problem in the homosexual male community with this type of guy. I’m unemployed and to be honest I doubt I’ll be abe to afford this product but once I am I’ll check it out If it’s not for me then I’m sure I’ll be abe to help out my very any female friends with great advise when they need it. I have your previous DVD’s for men and they are great with some guys but they can split them into I’d say two categories, that is men that respond with more of a female mind set and those, while being homosexual/bi respond to the male mind set from your earlier work.

    Great stuff Matt

  27. Merete says:

    Hi Matt, love your blog! This isnt a comment for this video but i have to ask you something. I have been into this guy for 3 years now. We have said hi to etchother on the streets and talked a bit on facebook. But the conversations are really short and boring because we don`t know etchother mutch… He said that he think that im pretty so I know he`s intrested. But I really trying to ceep the conversation going but I have nothing to talk about… I know I got a lot to offer cause I personally think I have a great personalety but I don`t get the chance to show him that… And the second thing I am a virgin and if I example get togheter with him and he have been with some girls (not a player) can that relatshonship work without sex? like at first. Sorry for bad English I am from Norway. Hope you understand half of it ;D Please help me :) Merete

  28. S says:

    Cool, this is true, more true I’d say of very many non heterosexual guys. There is a very real problem in the homosexual male community with this type of guy. ‘m unemplyed and t be honest I doubt I’ll be abe to afford this product but once I am I’ll check it out If it’s nt dpfor me then I’m sure ‘ll be abe to help out my very any female friends with great advise when they need it. I have your previous DVD’s for men and they are great with some guys but they can splitt into really I’d say two categories, that is men that respomd with more of a female mind set and those, while being homosexual/bi respond to the ale mind set from your earlier work.

    Great stuff Matt

  29. Amina says:

    Salut Matt :)
    Seriously, I live on the other side of the world, and this kind of guys exist every where, so thank you so much for sharing these precious infomations, It cleared up many things in my head.

    Good Luck Matt,
    Amina.

  30. Geraldine says:

    Matthew dont know why but when i was trying to see the video of interview with Paul dont know what happens but it stop and doesnt continue and really wanted to see it all how can i see it all? i just can go till minute 1:06 and seamed to be sooo informative! im sure many girls could learn a lot of it … mmm want to learn tooo :O! hehehe oh dont know what to do not sure if u got it on youtube?
    thank u for reading me :)!

  31. L says:

    It’s a great site it’s nice to know im not alone with these issues.

    My main issue is that I appear very confident so im told in most situations but im actually ridiculouSly insecure ifact i had an eating disorder for five years and I end up being attracted to men who are very manipulative and overly confident and im only just starting to realise why that is. I really would like to meet a guy but I just struggle so much with confidence innfact sometimes I go home early on a night out, i want to find a guy who’s interested in me as a person and that i can enjoy being around and having fun with not somebody who pretends to care for a while and then leaves i guess it’s just not happening at the moment I need men help x

  32. Michelle says:

    Hey Matthew!
    I have bee following your emails and videos for a year now since i heard about you. i have been so heartbroken always cause i feel that guys like me and flirt, but then when I fall for them and tell them that, they just tell m it’s friendship, but i know in my heart they somehow are not telling me all of the truth. They give me signs and smiles that are for sure to a woman a sign of liking a person. somehow the latst guy didn’t even take my seriously it felt like, and just took it as a joke. I am so hurt by that, no one undrstands, and I really want this guy, he made me fall for him so deep. And then he just turns away. First he is nervous around me and drop things on the floor when he sees me, trips on the stairs, spills beer over himslf when I say something…and the looks I have been reciving is not friendship looks…Im’ so confused and really am ready to take my life in to a romantic level, but nothing ever works. I am so happy you are gonna publish online secret of male minds:) I really have serious intentions with love and haven’t had the money to come to london from finland. thank you! I really want your help with this guy. we are friends, but now I wanna show him my best sides always, trying to fight for him :) cause i ALWAYS FIGHT for what I want in every aspect of my life. please help me! Hugs/Michelle

  33. Carley says:

    MATTHEW HUSSEY!!!!!

    I’ve been trying to get in contact with the Get The Guy team but I haven’t heard back. Don’t worry…I’m not holding my breathe. This hasn’t, however, deterred me from trying….I’m relentless.

    I’m a student at the University of Wisconsin-Madison in the United States. I have no clue how I’d call over to your head quarters otherwise I would have tried that. Instead, I’ve sent email after email.

    Maybe commenting on your blog will grab your attention?? Crossing my fingers.

    You’re the MAN. And I’d like to tell you and your team why. (Both good and bad reasons). Am I peaking your interest? Again…crossing my fingers.

    Sending you and your team a big hello from all the beautiful and sassy lady badgers from good ‘ol Madison, Wisconsin!!

    Hope to hear back from you.

    All the best,

    Carley!!

    • Matthew says:

      CARLEY!!!!! : )

      Send me an email here: matt@gettheguy.co.uk! So sorry you’ve had to email several times, we have a huge amount of emails everyday but we are working on making our response times faster. Thanks!

      Matthew xx

  34. Judy says:

    Hi Matthew I guess I have been what you call a dabbler and wasn’t even aware of your site and all that might be here. I am though really looking forward to your video tomorrow (Thursday) with the hope that it will be a real help to me in my situation. Hopefully it will be affordable and I would like to add that so much of what is out there is mostly directed towards the young adult. I am approaching 60 and seniors need help as much as anyone. Maybe more so because we have often been out of the dating scene for decades and are astounded at what we find/experience upon re-entering it. It is so difficult to make a connection and keep it. Really hope the program you are about to unveil will be helpful for someone like me. I am tired of games and searching so really looking for the answer to help me put an end to my search.

    Thanks
    Judy

    • Matthew says:

      Hey Judy,
      Thanks for coming to the site! I will answer your question very directly by saying that that it will ABSOLUTELY help you no matter what your age. My oldest client right now is 83, and she is having an amazing time using what we teach. Your temptation when you watch it will be to say that it is for young people, but I promise you that that feeling will just be the part of you that is afraid of trying something new. Remember, no matter what age you are, being ‘youthful’ is an extremely attractive quality. A lot of what I teach in this programme will bring that amazing youthful energy out, and you’re going to have a blast trying it!
      Can’t wait to hear what you think!

      Matthew x

  35. Jenifer says:

    Hi Matthew,
    I think both men and women want and have a need to feel attractive, important, appreciated and valued. I think that is part of human nature.
    I was given some really great advice from my therapist. It was confronting but it really put things in perspective for me. She said, write a letter to your “husband” as if you already had the relationship you wanted and talk about what that relationship gives you, what that person brings to the table, and the importance of specific qualities.
    Finally this year I wrote and re-wrote it. I took a hard look at the deal breakers and the underlined attributes that were imoprtant to me. It made me very clear on what I need and want in my life, I couldn’t squint my eyes and say it kinda sort of looks like it if you tilt your head. It either is…or it isn’t.
    I think it’s true you need to look at what are you adding to his life…but in return just as important…what are you adding to my life. My mom use to say, if that person is 85% the person you need and want in a relationship than you have done great. When it really starts to slip further you need to start re-evaluating the relationship and if it is worthy of sustaining.
    I am really excited about Thursday! Thank you so much for your warmth, sincerity, self-expression and commitment to living life powerfully and helping others do the same. In my book you are a jem!

    ~Jenifer xo

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