Why The Modern Man Won’t Commit, and What You Can Do About It

In this week’s episode of LOVELife, I take a question from Khalani on why, with modern day dating, most men are hesitant to jump into a relationship. We also discuss how she can be more trusting when meeting men who are looking for more than a casual fling. Enjoy!

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11 Responses to Why The Modern Man Won’t Commit, and What You Can Do About It

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  1. Jessica says:

    Loved the video! Just a bit confused now. I have the same problem when I meet guys, none of them want to commit.

    Asking them up front, if they are interested in something serious, sounds really simple, too. I’m just wondering, if I ask this too early, that I might make him run off, because he might think that I want a relationship with anyone.

    These days I just feel like it’s a big no-go to want a committed relationship, so I don’t ever talk about it. When he is not showing investment anymore, I sort of know, that he is not interested in anything committed.

    I am so confused! :P

    • Phoebe says:

      Honestly, I don’t think asking them upfront is a good idea. If you ask them too soon they can feel emasculated and fell you’re “desperate”. However, pay attention to how much time and effort he invests in you-actions speak louder than words. If a guy I have been dating for three months or so doesn’t ask me to be exclusive…I decide to end things before getting too attached.

  2. Petra says:

    This topic just came in the rigt time. There is a guy I just met and he said on the very first date he is not the right person for me beacuse he is not able to be in a long-term relationship now (if I want one). He said it is not because of me but him. He said it can be a chance to get back together with his ex, but she lives now far away. By the way it looks like he likes me and I like him too. What questions should I ask him to get know his real reasons? Do I need to leave him and search for somebody else?Thank you, Petra

    • Ally says:

      I’ve been where you are, Petra. You’re better off moving on to someone else. I dated a guy who wasn’t over his ex fully, despite them not being together for nearly 2 years. He’s single as far as I know, but I know now that emotional connections can be just as strong for guys as for women.

      My question: Presently, I’m on the fence, too, about a serious relationship. There’s a lot of things I want to do and places I want to see, but at the same time I want someone I can travel with and share stories with. Is there a way to be in a committed relationship without all the “domestication” that comes with perceived committed relationships?

      • Petra says:

        Thx Ally.Well we might have one more conversation about it and I will see how to go on.

      • Phoebe says:

        Ally- I hear ya! I would hate to become one of those boring, passionless couples. When we are ready for something more serious, we need to choose partners that have a zest for life and trying new things. The problem with most guys is that they abhor commitment because they wanna keep having fun, but once they wanna settle down they lose their sense of adventure and youthfulness. LAME!

  3. Yana says:

    my latest ex seemed extreme committed and courted me and did the whole “I like you I see a future I want to marry you eventually” then as soon as his former fwb came running back, then he dumped me like a sack of hot potatoes… Peter Pan syndrome to the fullest and that’s a 39 year old man.

  4. c says:

    Matt, I think it can be the other way round too – where a woman can feel that she hasn’t achieved all she thought she would achieve by a certain age – I am one of those women! Also, the examples you gave, of what a woman should ask a guy to find out if he’s ready for committment or not, is really great! Thank you!

    • Phoebe says:

      Me too! There are a lot of things I want to get outta my system settling down. I don’t see it as selfish but smart. I think guys deep down are afraid of missing out on fun and spontaneity if they get a girlfriend. But if they see us as the cool, fun, high-value chick they would get addicted ;)

  5. Kasandra says:

    Wow the first comment..this video is way useful in clarifying. Thank you!!!

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