How To Get Him To Settle Down With You

Ok, you’ve been dating a guy for a while, he stays over your place all the time, and you’re definitely exclusive.


couple holding hands on sofa

How do you get him to “settle down”? You know, like actually decide he’s REALLY with you for the long-term, instead of him just seeing this relationship as being “ok for now”?

In this blog, I’ll explain some basic principles of how the male mind works when it comes to commitment, and teach you how to get him to settle down so that he chooses you over any other woman.

First: Don’t even THINK about changing an “Eternal Bachelor”

man thinking

Rule #1 – It is not your job as a woman to get a committed bachelor interested in marriage and kids.

Some guys will be happy being exclusive for a while, but get uncomfortable at the thought of being your official “boyfriend”, or he’ll squirm at the thought of getting more serious.

If so, that’s on him. It’s not your job to change his attitude. You should never be playing the role of the convincer.

Don’t be the kind of woman who has long conversations with her man trying to understand why he is “on-the-fence” about marriage, attempting to show him all the reasons it would be a great idea.

This does not work.

The only thing you can focus on is:

(a) Being your best self and living by your standards

(b) Understanding and fulfilling his needs as a man

(c) Cutting off guys who don’t want a relationship

We’re going to cover point (a) and (b) in the next section. As for point (c) remember: if a guy shows he is on-the-fence, that’s your cue to respond and say, “Well I’m not sure this works for me either then.”

At this point, you’ll find out how committed he really is. Walk away. Then, if he chases and decides to make this something real, great! But be willing to leave for good if he doesn’t. It’s not worth the heartache of waiting for him to change.

The longer you tolerate a situation with a guy who isn’t willing to commit, the longer he can string you along without ever really making a decision.

Understand These ESSENTIAL Male Needs

man kissing woman

So what do you do if you’ve already met a man who is ready to commit, but you want to make sure YOU’RE the one he chooses to settle down with?

Well, to begin with, you need to get inside of the head of how men think. Here are some of every guy’s most important needs:

  • He wants to provide and protect – This doesn’t mean he needs to be the financial breadwinner, but he does need to feel appreciated and be able to bring something to the relationship.
  • He needs to feel respect ­– Men are much more likely to settle down long-term with a woman who sees the best in them and shows he admires his character.
  • He needs to feel physically desired – Crucial for any relationship, men always commit to women who make them feel sexy and desired as a man.
  • He needs to feel like you have strong values – He wants to see you have independence, integrity, and that you live by certain standards and aren’t afraid to assert them. Men love the woman who lives by a code and respects herself.

These are just the first steps, and it takes a lot of learning to know exactly HOW to meet all these needs, but these are the essential basics of understanding men and knowing how to get him to settle down. Look at this list next time you’re with a guy and think about how likely it is that all these needs are being met.

And remember: look for the guy who is interested in commitment in the first place, instead of trying to tame a dedicated “player” – the sooner you invest guys who want the same things, the happier and smoother the dating process will be!

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

6 Responses to How To Get Him To Settle Down With You

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  1. Kathy Alfson says:

    I am a 54 year-old woman and I have been in a intimate relationship with a 35 year old man for approximately 15 months now. I had been married three times and since the age of 15 I had been with a man since I was 52. When I met him, he was vibrant, he intrigued me, and quite frankly turned me on. So our sexual relationship began. I began to trust him, and he made me feel safe and secure. Every time we would see each other I felt like we were getting closer and closer. Then about 15 days ago he came over to the house and we started talking and I told him I had feelings for him. That was probably the worst thing I could have said because I could tell he was getting nervous and jittery and now I have not heard from him in two weeks. I totally feel like I was disregarded and I never meant to freak him out, I just wanted to let him know that I really liked him as a friend and I trusted him and I felt safe with him but now I’m not really sure if I could trust him with my feelings or emotions because of the way he just did this.

  2. swapnil rajiv sathe says:

    Men are going their own way now. We wont fall for your manipulations anymore. Men have no real incentive to get married with today’s gynocentric marriage laws. Especially since marriage is not a prerequisite for getting sex.
    MGTOW. Look it up.:)

  3. Charlie says:

    Huskies what about mama boys, these kind of men seam to not let go the nipple.

  4. Sarah says:

    Long story short, kind of a flaky guy. He texted “miss you” like he had in the past, so this time I texted back aw, that’s sweet! Thank you :) His reply…..”that’s not nice” wtf do I say to that?

  5. Lina says:

    I am sure many people ask you how to be subtle about asking where a guy stands, I have tried, but he ends up talking about something else or not getting the hints. So I met a guy while traveling and we had a great time together then after that we started writing each other almost every day, we live in different countries and I went to visit him a couple of times already. We continue to write daily and I can’t stop thinking about him, but I am not sure where this is going, should I invest more feelings? I think I just need to know what he’s thinking to know if I should start distancing myself from him emotionally… (I am still going on dates with other guys but always have him in the back of my mind)

    • Michelle says:

      Dear Sarah

      I know it’s tuff when it comes to LDR. Long distance relationship.
      In my view you should ask him to visit your country and will come to how serious he is taking . If he says yes you will have a chance to take things to next level.

      Good luck


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