Why do many women find it so difficult to talk to men they don’t know? Especially the intimidating HOT guys. I couldn’t tell you how many times women approach me BEGGING for the secret to getting men to come over and say “Hi”.
If we’re honest with ourselves, this is what we all are secretly hoping will happen. We hope we’ll find some magic spell that automatically turn heads and will get people talking to us as soon as we walk in the room.
Except there are no magic spells. There’s just you, standing in a room, vulnerable and hopeful, waiting…just like everyone else. Waiting for the cute guy to accidently brush shoulders with you and turn to engage you in witty conversation. Waiting for Prince Charming to run up to you on the street, get down on one knee, and ask you out there and then. So we all get trapped, playing the hopeless “WAITING GAME”.
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I thought today we’d get back to basics. In our love lives, we still suffer, so many of us from not actually having options. And the reason we don’t have options is because we go out all of the time and we don’t actually meet people.
I think the reason we don’t meet people is because we’re waiting for the perfect thing to say. We sit there, we look at someone we want to talk to, and we try and think of this ideal way to go and approach them, to go and talk to them. And then we psych ourselves out.
We’re ALL In the Same, Scary Boat Together
Think About It This Way…
Everyone is trying to feel like they fit in somehow. We’re all a little nervous about being vulnerable, about someone coming over and making a fool of us or us being embarrassed.
So instead of allowing themselves to be open and warm, people go out and they have this kind of mean demeanor. Which is what happens when we go out at night and we see all of these people that look kind of threatening or intimidating.
So often that’s a cover up, and I like to think if we put on these emotional x-ray vision goggles, we would actually be able to see what everyone in the room is really feeling, which is, “I’d quite like someone to come and talk to me.”
Or, “I wish I knew more people in this room.”
Or “I wish I had the confidence to go up to that person over there.”
So here are two easy ways to get around these fears we all have so you can approach any guy you choose…
Trick #1: Put On Your Emotional X-Ray Vision Goggles
I like to go out wearing those emotional x-ray vision goggles because it allows me to see through the front of other people and allows me to feel less threatened by other people when I’m thinking about going and socializing with them.
And of course, if I can go and socialize more, I’m going to create more options. So that’s a little psychological twist we can put on it.
Trick #2: Choose Obvious Over Clever
The second is a practical tip, which I know many of you have heard from me before, but I think we need to hear this at least once a week.
Instead of thinking of the perfect thing to say, think about actually just going out there and saying the obvious thing. Whether it’s “Hi,” “How are you?” “How’s your evening going?”
Or if it’s in the daytime, fine, “How’s your day going?”
Whatever it is, find something really obvious to say, because if the choice is between saying something obvious and saying nothing, we have to say the obvious thing every single time. Because at least the obvious thing can lead to something, but saying nothing is a fool’s hope.
Then, we’re simply waiting on someone else to do something, and we all know how that goes. Most of us spend 24 hours a day waiting for things to happen to us, and then complaining that we never have any real options in our love lives.
So, To Recap, the 2 Tricks I Want You to Try TODAY Are…
- Put on those emotional x-ray vision goggles, see through the fronts that people have when they’re kind of mean and intimidating and know that we all feel a little vulnerable when we go out socially.
- Use that psychology to say to yourself, I just need to go out there and socially do the obvious thing. And the obvious thing very often leads to something more clever. You have to start by saying the obvious things, because it’s when you say the obvious things, that you come up with better things along the way.
Before you go, next week I’m going to take this video a step further. So I want to actually make this open-ended, because I know one of the big reasons people don’t get results or they don’t have options is because they don’t meet people in the first place.
The second reason they don’t get results is when they do meet people, when they have these fun, flirtatious interactions, they don’t close the deal by actually exchanging details with someone.
So next week is all going to be about how to exchange details with someone, even if you only met them for 60 seconds.
Last Chance of the Year for Us to Spend the Day Together
And by the way, I’m on tour right now. We just did an event in Chicago and it has been an amazing tour so far. I know so many of you have been to see me already.
If you are in one of these cities I’m about to mention below, and you don’t have tickets yet, now is your last chance to come see me live this year. The VIP seats are completely sold out in every event, but there are still some General Seating spaces left.
I’m still coming to:
- Washington DC
- Los Angeles
So, get your tickets now, we’ll link up at the end of this video and underneath in the description. I can’t wait to see you in person, give you a giant hug, and hopefully hear a little bit about your story. I’ll see you soon.
CLICK HERE to learn more about my upcoming live shows and to see if tickets are still available.
1 Replies to “2 Tricks For Approaching Any Guy”
Matthew and Stephen,
I absolutely love the materials you create – it’s the best and most meaningful, most empowering material for women I’ve seen in a long time. It is methodical, well thought out, doesn’t preach and allows for women to be powerful, confident and also IMPERFECT! And your advice allows for men to be different and flawed individuals as well, which is so different and important – instead of stereotyping people, you tend to give rational reasons for their behavior but not focusing on blame and judgment, which is different than some other well-known dating coaches’ materials. I would absolutely love to see the two of you collaborate on a book and materials specifically for building female confidence – for getting rid of passivity. I am currently reading a book on adopting an assertive communication style, because I realize that my style is passive-aggressive and while it’s not my “fault” (I was taught this style,) it IS my responsibility to make a positive change, and I own that. I would absolutely run to the store to buy a book written on communication style including the type of real-world examples that you tend to give with men. I would love to see specific work examples, how to work with bosses, co-workers, friends, family members that would include the depth of insight that you include in your other work. Anyway – sorry, rambling a bit – but I believe that the world would be a much better place if we all started owning our emotional needs and communicating with confidence and real “power” which comes from a balance between the power to state our true needs, which also means admitting our vulnerability and allowing ourselves to ask others for HELP and receive that help instead of trying to appear perfect. Much love to you, Matthew! XO
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