There are many dangerous qualities of a toxic person, but the worst one of all may be their deceptiveness.
They can be so subtle in their manipulation, you may not even realize what they’re doing to you, until you’re in too deep and they’ve completely eroded your confidence.
I’m not going to let that happen to you.
In today’s video, I take you through the 5 signs you’re dating a toxic person so you know exactly what to watch out for…
Wished I could have heard this 42 years ago, would have changed my life. They don’t change, no matter what “we” do. Can’t change them, can’t love it out of them. All it does is change the person “I” become. 12 years out of the toxic relationship, I am stronger, I am ok with who I am, now. It took awhile to get “me” out of the sour mindset I had excepted, but it was a necessary growing process. Spot on Matt, spot on.
Thank you! Sounds like my Ex boyfriend. I am glad I am out of that relationship.
He was a good guy at heart and there were many benefits I received from that relationship too, but there were times that what you described was there as well.
so very accurate!! 12 months ago I left a toxic relationship of 18 years and for many months even his family were saying I was the problem it was my fault their son was hurting. But for years I felt I was living a roller coaster never knowing what I had done wrong as everything seemed to my fault!! the stuff about promotions was spot on as well as it became about how it was going to impact on him!! I have now slowly discovered my own life that is not dictated by self doubt and confusion. Glad you put it out there Matthew and I hope others find the courage and strength deep inside to leave these toxic individuals and discover happiness with self!!
I just broke up with a guy I was dating for a month. Everything was going perfect then he started everything you mentioned in the video, attacking me verbally, making me feel insecure, accusing… while we were facing our first disagreement.
At that moment I felt I had to literally escape, though the argument was about a little thing. I didn’t want to imagine what it could have been if we were to discuss more important issues.
It’s important to have someone we can build with, not someone who will destroy who we are.
Thanks for posting this video !!
I used to be that person! The video helps me reminding all the terrible behaviours and the person I definitely don’t want to be like…or with. You’re a genius Matthew, your stuff really helps improving life.
Hi Mathew & thank you for this video.
The toxic kind of person you described was the exact description of my ex boyfriend whom I was with for 4 years, and this behaviour was to the extreme by the end. Its a dangerous situation to allow yourself to be in & I was sadly suffering from depression by the end. I fortunately got the strength to leave (a terrifying thing to do when your made to feel worthless) & 1 year on with a lot of help from your videos & ur book, I’m a very strong & confident person. I wish I had seen this video in the early days of my relationship so I could of recognised what was going on, I thank you for this video because I hope it will spare other girls the destructiveness that a toxic relationship can have.
I also want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for what you have done for me & what you continue to do for women all over the world. You may not know us personally but what you do makes an incredible difference to our lives.
Thank you so much, Tia
What if that toxic person is your father? It took me years to rebuild my confidence. I still have in my mind crushing arguments which I’m ashamed of. It also took me some time to overcome all the grievance. I love him and he also try to show me his love but it’s so complicated. I don’t want to sever ties with him and I’m pretty sure he don’t want that either. But when we are together even if both of us try we argue very ofen and I know that my reactions are too emotional. He can hurt me so much. Matthew, if you could make a video with advice how to behave and how to talk with a toxic person if you can’t or don’t want to remove him or her from your life. How not to be so hurt and how avoid arguments, what to say to be understood in a proper way, how to draw boundaries. I’ll be so grateful for that. I think it could also be helpful for people who have a toxic boss or a colleague. Btw I appreciate what you are doing, Matthew :)
Yep, Ola –
Now that people are starting to acknowledge that those toxic people can be in our own families, I’m sure you’re not the only one who needs this.
Hi Ola, (and Matt!)
As unfortunate as the situation is, I was hoping someone would mention having trouble with toxic parents. I’m 24 and just started on the journey of separating myself mentally and emotionally from my abusive/toxic family- especially my narascistic mom.. I started to see a pattern in the types of men I attracted, because growing up in a home like that will train you to accept and tolerate abuse- just to continue the cycle into your relationships and eventually, future family. I started looking into dating & self-help books. I found Matt’s and it absolutely changed my life. Not only does he give great flirting/relationship advice, but the core of the book teaches you how to love yourself, so that when you do find yourself in an awesome relationship, you can give it your all. I’ve downloaded the audible app ($14.99/month) and you get free credits each month towards books (1 credit = 1 book). If you suspect you are dealing with a narsacistic person, the two most helpful books have been The Wizard of OZ and Other Narsacists, and the Sociopath Next-door. Both are hard to swallow, but they give great advice on how to communicate and live with difficult people at work, home or in relationships. If anyone would like to start a chatroom or email thread with more on this, my email is ngroshon@aol.com. Sometimes it’s hard to find support bc the people closest to you don’t see it like you do. Hope I could help.
Best of Luck,
Nicole
Narsacistic mom* whoops!
My goodness… Narcissistic* yesh. :\
Great message! I especially like the part where you said that even though you are a confident person, your proximity to a toxic person will wear away that confidence. That you eventually start beleiving what that person says.
I have experienced this in various relationships but now those red flags are dealt with right away. Thank you Matt for delivering this information because so many people have no idea it’s happening to them.
Cheers to you!
Tammy
Very well said, this is a great video and a lot of these signs can lead to physical abuse as well as emotional.
Wonderful! Even my parents and brother become like that. They are insecure and they don’t like to see me as a talented person. I have to pray so hard to God to protect me from them. It is so obvious that they are happy when I am weak. I also had a guy friend 10 years ago, and he was like that too, actually he turns like that after I slept with him, oh it was so stupid. Other friends around him are like that, too, they are happy to be a better person than me. Why does this happen? It’s like they use me to become cool persons. How pathetic! I should have known this 20 years ago , this dilemma of realizing that they are horrible and being obliged to like them is so stupid!! Everyone has to stop this, it’s such a waste of time! I wish I had have this video 20 years ago!! Because kids suffer from parents with insecurity who live in fear and prioritise what others think of them rather than really caring them. It’s sad that they want them to be sadder than themselves, and I had thought that solving their problems for them in a way I don’t hurt their prides was a good friendship!! ahh! Thank you, Matthiew, for this great video.
Dearest Matthew,
After watching this video I am tearful and relieved to admit I was married to a toxic man for over twenty years. My late husband died suddenly of a heart attach last January. I have spent the first year learning to walk on my own two feet. Learning how to live without the constant jealous beratement and insecure outbreaks. Your video describes my late husband to a tee. I am reluctant to get involved with someone else because I know we tend to follow the same patterns. I have recently met a man who is the complete opposite of my late husband. He is kind and encouraging, confident and successful. I am 46. He will be 43 next month. He has never been married. He was in a 12 year relationship. A 7 year relationship and a 4 year relationship. Lived with two of the women but did not marry. Has no children. It concerns me that he never married. When asked he simply states that it just never was an issue. He is not toxic to me or to my two teen age boys. I am happy and laugh so much when we are together. It feels wonderful to be with a man and not feel. Like I have to duck my head down. I appreciate your eye-opening video. And would appreciate any advice you can give me for starting over. Especially with someone who never was married.
Thank you for all your wonderful advice,
Survivor of toxicity starting over
All I want to say to you right now is thank you.
Thank you Matthew! This made me realize I’m dating a toxic person (not that i haven’t thought about it before), we’ve been together for 6 years and it’s hard to deal with that situation because he has a nice side also. I’m a very confident person, so I don’t let any comments get into my head, but it’s not healthy to be with someone like that. I guess I don’t have the courage to leave him and I don’t know why, maybe I see the good in him. I love him, but I know this not good. I honestly don’t know what to do. :S
Oh my god, my mom is a lot like this to my dad. :( That makes me very sad and I’ve tried a million times to talk to her and tell her to not lash out at him all the time, to be more supportive and to take responsibility for her mistakes, but nope – nothing is ever her fault, nothing gets through to her. That messes up our relationship and I have all this resentment which makes me treat her worse than I’d want to.
If she understood english I would definitely show her this video.
Could you please make a video about pathological narcissistic partners? How to spot them before is to late? I understood they don’t change and they are all you want at the beginning. So it really help to learn how to avoid them or not to attract them. Thanks!
Thank you so much. I was with a man that “broke” me. It took me many years to stop my dependence on him. I think I actually still have PTSD from this man. He was controlling, criticized me at every chance, and had to call me 3 times at night at work (night shift), just to see what I was “doing”. He drove all of my friends and family away, and blamed me for not looking good or paying bills. We had a child together, and lived with my mother, but soon, he cheated on me and I threw him out. He tried to make himself the “victim”, and everyone fell for it. Then I was the “bad guy”. I have now and then had, anxiety issues and depression. I developed a very irrational fear of weather through the years we were together. I have medications, therapy, and am now married, but this butt-hole is still giving me nightmares.
Very powerful! Thankyou, Matthew!
Oh Matthew!! “You should be here” ! After watching the toxic video the heart in my throat on the verge of tears feeling eased so much and is diminishing by the second… The toxicity in my relationship was like a leach.. And it sucked me dry and really fast.. He was my dream guy and he’s a good guy but not a good guy for me.. Thank you Matthew… For this advice and guiding me in my quest for the relationship I deserve and the one I still believe exists.. I will find it…
I have a very dear friend, who needs this advice. Are there any suggestions how I can help without being intrusive?
Aaaand…you just described my father…