There are many dangerous qualities of a toxic person, but the worst one of all may be their deceptiveness.
They can be so subtle in their manipulation, you may not even realize what they’re doing to you, until you’re in too deep and they’ve completely eroded your confidence.
I’m not going to let that happen to you.
In today’s video, I take you through the 5 signs you’re dating a toxic person so you know exactly what to watch out for…
matt, you are wonderful, i agree with everything, you made me realize I wasnt a crappy person as much as he made me.
we broke up and got back several times . Im far from perfect, I made mistakes, no cheating, and he always made me feel like I was. thank you for all you do.
love you and your words, thank you
Hey Matt. I need help with this guy i’ve been seeing now, he is great and when i do have problems he listens and wanted to meet to discuss it. I have already been physical with him a couple of times and now I dont know why he does not reply anymore much just sometimes…but before he did write more questions, and when i saw him last time he did suggest we go somewhere to his friend outside town someday when we are free. He has been really sweet and thing were looking great, and now i just feel i have been poisened by his affection, coz i like him and he seems to like me to of all the things he done for me, helped me with money and so much more. I am so confused, i texted him and said “i need to be honest, If you dont wanna see me anymore please tell me?coz as i told you before if you remember i am very careful when it comes to guys because of previous experiences. I dont think you are bad, I think you are a great gut. I wanna keep seeing you, But it is up to you. I am going to sleep now, have a good night/Michelle”..that was my message, and still no reply Have i been writing him too much and scared him, should i just lay low now….have not been to his place coz he says his friend is staying there now..and when we are out he does show after half an hour like public affection so I am so confused.i dont wanna get played and be the one that they can control so easy…..When i like someone it is really hard to hide it for me since i am honest person. I dont know what to do. If this is a good guy , shy, scared or bad one???? Please reply. Love/Michelle
No one can analyse the relationship of two strangers based on one internet post. But, Michelle, are you maybe expecting him to be a ‘bad guy’ from past hurts?
To say something like “poisoned by his affection” is very odd.
We get burned, we don’t touch the oven again. But, if you react to all guys as if they were bad, the good ones will find you heavy maintenance and give up. At which point, you’ll feel justified in having pushed them away and so it goes on.
You say a lot about him being there for your problems, doing things for you… nothing about you two actually having FUN together.
If it’s all him being there for you, and you pressuring him with emails when he goes quiet, maybe he is wondering what he gets out this relationship?
And btw, if someone texted me: “I don’t think you are bad,” my reaction would be a VERY sarcastic: “Gee, thanks for that”!!
Hey. yes i think i am so scared of beeing played again. but now he says i promise you we will se each other more, but so busy now…and he knows i am scared of not people being honest with me so i did say he can be honest if he does not want to anymore, then he writes i promise…and so on…buthe still cancelled like 6 ti,es always with some excuse, he busy, he is sick..but then i get really insecure and write him why he does this to me…and i know i am ruining it all…but i have never been even dating a guy before like this, we met like 5-6 times….he said on monday when he called to cancelled i was almost crying and said i wanted to see you tonight..and he said the same…but what is this now? i dont get it if he says he wants to but are busy..and i could se on badoo that he was not home when he was sick…and now he first he understodd that i think and deleted his badoo account..? i just need the truth coz i dont wanna waste my time…problem is when i like or dont like someone they will know very clear..and it scares people from me…but i dont lie about who i am. i dont like game playing coz had enough of that.
HI again,
First, can I say I understand your POV totally, from my own experiences of failed relationships over the years.
I chanced upon one of Matthew’s videos and became a fan because I’m trying not to mess up what I think could be a great one for me, if I don’t scare him off!
No idea about your guy, obviously, but Matthew says somewhere if a man is blowing hot and cold, it could be he’s too comfortable (knows you’ll always be grateful when he does show up.
Or, it could be you come over as needy/desperate? If he knows you’re checking up on him via social media, that’s going to make anyone back off.
Or, maybe he is a total jerk or a cheat or whatever.
I think, using Matthew’s advice as I’ve read it, the answer’s the same in all scenarios: be more ‘high-value’. He says he can’t make it, say “ok, that’s a shame”, maybe PLAYFULLY “you don’t know what you’re missing”. Then back away, so he has to earn you back. Be attainable (not hard to get), but with some effort on his part.
Either he’ll realise he wants you and start the ‘chase’ again.
Or, you’ll never see him again.
And if it’s the latter, it will be sad, but one thing I’ve learned from experience is that clinging on to a poor relationship in the hope it will magically get better is just prolonging agony.
(with apologies to Matt if I’ve got his stuff wrong and am misquoting him!)
Wow…thank you for that. I really wish I would have heard this about 4 years ago before I ended up in a toxic relationship with a verbally and physically abusive man. That video actually made cry because how spot on all your signs were. It’s amazing the things you brush off because you want to love another and force something to work that never will. My confidence was completely shattered after being with a toxic person and I still have a hard time forgetting some things that were said to me in fits of rage. I feel like I lost a piece of myself in my ability to trust and be vulnerable and I hope your video can help other women to have a bit more clarity than I had.
Thanks,
Jessica
I found these absolutely true. mostly because i’ve done these myself in relationships. And they were the one’s with the most pain. And I found my toxic behavior only elicited more toxic behavior from her. And it’s not that I or she were bad people, we just weren’t ready for a committed relationship at that point in our lives.
Matthew, you hit the nail on the head! (as always). I watched this video in the context of a colleague of mine who has recently become very difficult working in my company and throwing tantrums for self validation. When I try and approach the subject in a calm way that this is my company and the expectations of how I would like things done etc. – they either personally insult me about my actions “get their own back” and threaten me with walking away” to get “one up” as they think I am reliant on them. Its been jarring me a lot lately. I realise as I have become stronger and more confident, then our relationship has deteriorated. I thought it was my fault until I started watching their relationships with others in more detail and their comments. They are toxic! thanks for the great video.
Hi Matt,
I love watching all your videos but this is by far the best. Four of these traits my partner has and at times i feel like im the insane one. It is very hard to get out of a situation like this i have tried many times over the years to no avail. It makes me sad to think i am wasting my years continuing doing the same things over and over again hoping for a better outcome. But even though i see all this i love this man who has played such a huge part of my life for so many years, not all bad but when things went wrong it is always my fault. He never sees that he plays a part in it at all, after all these years though he has never worn me down sometimes i need a break from him to gather my thoughts but never has he been able to break me. I would like to be able to move on away from him one day although i know that day is not any time soon. I love him hes not always like this but this is the life i seem to have carved out for myself and didnt realize until i was in to deep. One day i will move on i know i will but until the i will stay strong when things are going wrong and stay true to myself as in i will not allow him to bring me down to his level.
I loved this video Matt it shows everyone that they do not suffer this up down person on there own. There are thousands im sure living like this. But this video shows people the steps people take to make you miserable on the inside and im sure it will help so many people.
Thank you
one of the best vidz!
30 seconds in my thought was, “Hah, forget Dating! That’s my relationship with my family!” I keep thinking that things will right themselves but they never do. I have to be the one to change.
Seems like a lot of us have issues with toxic families.
this is SO true. excellent.
Hi Matt,
I listened carefully to each word! This video is so important, valuable and true!
Thank you so much!
Hi Matt, my last relationship was unhealthy, we’d we had both got issues, he was emotionally un-available, and i loved him and saw none of the signs,but from what you have just said my most toxic was with my Mother, thankyou for your help as always, xxx
I just watched your video on dating a toxic person. I do have to say that I found out that that toxic person is me. LOL Now I know I just need to get some counseling because I was divorced back in December of ’13 after being in an abusive marriage for 20 years. I’ve been wasting my time with online men that were “safe.” I think I should be ready to actually date in reality, but your video just made me realize I probably should get some counseling first.
Hit the Nail on the Head Matthew!!
I just got out of a relationship like that a few months ago. Best thing I did in my life was to walk away from that one.
Hi Matt
Thank you for posting this video, it’s exactly what I needed to see.
I’ve been in two very toxic relationships in the past and had a sneaking suspicion that my current relationship was headed in the same direction and your video has helped me recognise my suspicions as being true. My current boyfriend exhibits four of the five behaviours you have outlined, the worst of which is listing all the things he believes he has done right and all the things I have done wrong in our relationship so far, every time we have an argument. I have tried to call things off several times but he can be very persuasive.
I am trying to get my life back on track after several years of low self esteem and confidence caused by the aforementioned relationships and I think it’s time to ditch the old habits and patterns that I have fallen in to because of the men I have been in relationships with, including my current one.
Thank you for helping me see what I have to do and giving me the strength to do it.
Take care
Jo x
Thank you Matt. This is a very important topic as there are
Many forms of abuse in all kinds of relationships and if we grew up in home
were our parents were in a toxic relationship we sometime mirror this behavior. Personally I have been on both sides of this and it never ends well
Either I was broken and left or I couldn’t stand myself for what I was doing and left – that realization made me work on my change. Life is too short for toxic behavior
You may think you win in the short run but you lose so much long term.
Helle xx
Hi matt, u r right. I just now realised. I appreciate ur work
I can say this is completely 100% true. I didn’t realize it while I was in the midst of the relationship. I ended it about 7 months ago after 10 years. This video brought tears to my eyes because now I can truly say that this is completely accurate, and it’s exactly what I was dealing with all that time. Thanks for posting this! I hope it helps others to realize the same thing.
This is really very helpful video. I thought about the toxic people in my life. I found two persons, one is family member and the other is a colleague. I would like to see videos about how to deal with them differently
Matt thank you so much for you work. It s so good!
About toxic people; one needs to do 3 things. Go see who is toxic in your environment. Could start w family members. Grab a check list (provided by Matt) and tick the boxes.
When you see the truth in the eye, 2 more steps await. First detoxify. Go some place nice, empty your mind, nourish yourself, see good people. Whatever replenishes yourself and restores balance. Second; make a check on yourself; as sometimes we simply copy some of these toxic behaviours and we need to detach from them and give them back to where they belong. Not w us.
You can do it! Good luck!
Hi Matt!!!!gongratulations for this excellent video!ok,you just described exactly the person that I had a relationship with 2 months ago…:-S thank god that I find the courage to leave;-) kisses!:-)