There are many dangerous qualities of a toxic person, but the worst one of all may be their deceptiveness.
They can be so subtle in their manipulation, you may not even realize what they’re doing to you, until you’re in too deep and they’ve completely eroded your confidence.
I’m not going to let that happen to you.
In today’s video, I take you through the 5 signs you’re dating a toxic person so you know exactly what to watch out for…
Thank you Matt for sharing your wisdom!
There’s always something I’m learning about human behaviour.
Currently I’m in a pickle.
I’ve fallen in love with a man who can be extremely toxic. Only when we’re apart… And at the moment he is living in another country. He does all the horrible things you mentioned, Matt. Putting me down increment by increment, then hating himself for doing. Playing power games when he thinks I’m not missing him as much as he does. He just wants to push me away. But it just doesn’t make sense when he has invested so much in me. I always see the bigger picture that it’s not really him and his confused, and feeling weak.
When we’re together, it’s completely different. We lift each other up, help each other and make each other feel amazing. We inspire and motivate each other creatively. It worries me that when one of us finally makes the move, so we can live together… If he would become toxic again for other reason.
How do I influence this man to build his own confidence, when it’s just so painful for him to even talk to me right now.
I really do love him, he’s taught me how to be patient. Learning to not mirror his negativity when reacting. I really want this man, but the good and best side of him.
Thanks Matt!
Hi Matt, absolute true! I realy appreciate, that you picked up this weird topic. It’s so important to know about this. Some years ago, I unknowingly trapped in an relationship with an out-and-out toxic men. I ‘am so glad that I breaked free.
And in every bad, there is something good: Now I know! I’am able to recognize them and take good care for myself! My remedy: I don’t try to deal with them, instead I stricly avoid contact. Because I realy unbderstood one statement from Sandra Brown:
“They are always sicker, than you are smart”
so sooo true, God bless you dear sister, this is what I have experienced too, I am now about leaving the house of my parents because I had a terrible toxic relationship with them
Ohhh my God, you are sooo right, my whole family, especially my parents were like this … and my mother and father have this toxic relationship with each other, so now finally I realized, why I have always choosen the toxic men … thanks sooo much …. your words help me so much, assuring me that I am on the right path … in our family there is an earthquake at the moment but I have to stay tough for my lovely sons and myself … and finally take a stand for me and my precious heart too …
Hi Matt.Thank you for this video. I spent 21 years with such a toxic partner. And it’s all over now
I finally divorced him. Uff…
What a relief.Time to start breathing.
You just described my current roommate perfectly.. her behaviour makes me feel so down all the time! problem is.. can’t get away from her for the next two years.
:( Wish I could do something about it..
Hi Matt,
I watch your videos regularly, but this is the first time I leave a comment. It’s scary how many people experienced toxic relationships. I also had one (his behavior matched 4 of the sighs) but I believed that this was due to drinking alcohol too much in my view (more than 350 gr whisky almost every day).
I believe he had a lot of addictions, he became extremely aggressive once I asked him to stop his computer game and come to help me with something. I was regularly blamed I am trying to spoil his pleasure or that I am not taking enough care of him. At the end he told me he is drinking so much because I made him miserable during our relationship.
I will be happy if you can share with us more about toxic people and addictions.
1. How to leave / recuperate from a toxic relationship?
2. Do toxic people always have addictions or there is no connection?
3. Why do people have addictions? I heard that one can be addicted to everything: food, drinks, even activities. When pleasure becomes an addiction? How to overcome an addiction of a small scale such as eating chocolate when feeling bad?
This video helped me a lot and I sent it to friends who also experienced toxic relationships. Thank you sharing it.
Goodness, i just love you! Such words of wisdom. So clear and helpful! Thank you!
Loved your video, it’s concise and explains the points you’re making clearly.
You describe the behaviour of a guy I dumped but it took me 3 years to realise things weren’t going to change no matter how often I modelled the behaviour I wanted to experience from him. I’m reassured there was nothing more I could have done and gives a great framework for future decisions.
I also considered how I may also be guilty of these behaviours, so I can develop the skills needed to create a great relationship
Something I haven’t heard till now…thanks Matt. .saved time n energy…awesome wisdom:)
Hi Matt,
Although I have been following you for some years this is the first video I have felt a need to respond to. It is spot on!
I spent 22 years with, what I now know was, a toxic man. He was abusive as well. Why does an intelligent woman let this happen? They key is in your video – the erosion of your confidence. Once that is gone you are stuck, and they take it pretty quickly.
So this video is fantastic as it should help lots of people get away from these toxic people much sooner than I did :-)
You mention the fear about voicing things to them and then treading on eggshells and that is so true. I was so bad that I had got to the point where I thought things were ok because he wasn’t angry every day. But the reality was that the fear and eggshell situation had actually made me modify my behaviour so much I wan’t really me any more.
The point about them making you to blame for everything is true too. And they also tend to make anyone else but themselves to blame. This red flag can be spotted quite quickly. If their ex was crazy, their employer evil and the ‘system’ has somehow failed them then they are likely to be the type who will blame you. And not in a joking, fun way.
From my own experience, and from learning about the situation objectively afterwards, there is another point I feel you missed. Toxic people tend to be fantastically friendly & loving in the very beginning. If someone calls you a friend or a date says they love within weeks then those are enormous red flags. Friendship and love take time to build. They do this because they want to hook you quickly.
Sadly I never plucked up the courage to leave my ex of 22 years myself. Someone else and the Police getting involved were what made it happen in the end. But once out I began to realise what depths I had been in. Recovery is a slow process but I can assure you the fears about being alone and not finding anyone to love you are stupid ones.
Being single but being free from this hideous form of control is far far better than being with anyone toxic. The freedom to be yourself is worth so much more than a bad relationship.
It has been nearly 4 years now since I left and my life is great. I have also let 2 female friends go for being toxic. I’ve even had a new relationship with a new man for 18 months. And I’ve recently let him go too for not being the right guy after all.
Following Matt and seeing him live at the O2 has really helped me get my own life on track.
So if you are with anyone toxic please please leave them now :-)
I think this is your best video yet. Succinct and profound. Of course these toxic people are everywhere…..family members, in the workplace etc. Your video helps to identify and weed out these people before they get too close. Narcissists do not make good boyfriends!
Hi Hunny, very important points!
1. In the beginning, they “act” like your soulmate
2. They speed up the relationship
… after three days he told me, he loves me.
Matt
I actually started doing something about these types of behaviors almost 11 months to the day! I applied it to everyone in my life from parents, my now ex partner, friends etc.
I have never been happier, more confident or healthier. Its tough at first to apply it. Its hard for others to adapt as well as yourself. More so when you are a natural “people pleaser” and just want everyone to be happy.
It does lead to much stronger happier and more supportive relationships.
Thank you for sharing and for the reminder.
E
Mark Twain ; Great people are those that make you feel you can be great too! super quote and MH – you are living the quote thank you! I’m sending this to a friend of mine who is in a very difficult situation…. so insightful… please don’t publish my name!
May I feed back to you (maybe i have before) that because you are called ‘get the guy’ I don’t publically share your website and my fanbase on facebook ect – if you had a less direct name I would…however I don’t think you need more publicity from me as you are doing so well! and I do share you like crazy with my friends!! Hope you come back to the 02 again as I was very silly and disorganised and didn’t fulfill my wish of coming to see you again. I must try and be more proactive and organised…every video you give for free helps me with this! (thank goodness I bought your CD at least!) From the girl that chatted to you at Paddington Station at the Oyster bar one evening Anna :0)
Hi Matthew
Thank you for this video.
It is clear and absolutely real.
So helpfull.
A hug from Buenos Aires!
You know what is the main problem Mathew? This urge this crazy idea to fix things or people. You meet someone and you know there us something wrong with them and u think that by enough time and love you could fix them! As if some women want to be credited for the soul salvation of another person presumably the one they are dating . And what happens?? They end up broken and ineed of fixing themselves! I saw it happen over and over to so many friends of mine and no matter what u tell them they think and truely believe they can fix the guy. When u see a damaged guy , girl run fir the hills , don’t try and fix him . Period.
I agree Nadwa. It’s a slow venom though. Because these people are usually great charmers and it is very confusing to a normal mind. And we give them the benefit of the doubt and give them way too many second chances. I say women, and I believe Matthew has said this too, only be in a relationship where you’re being cherished. Cherishing is to treat with tenderness and affection; to give warmth, ease and comfort to. To hold as dear; to embrace with affection; to foster; and encourage. To treat in a manner to encourage growth, by protection, aid, attendance and supplying nourishment. You cannot fix these people, leave that to trained professionals.
Hi Matthew,
I just wanted to say that I just watched the 5 Signs You’re Dating a Toxic Person, and have realized that indeed all the signs you have mentioned were there in my relationship. My husband often was never content of my successes and never really took what was important to me into consideration, but would indeed only be caring when the situation was so bad or he had done something wrong. Trying to find a solution with him was always turned into a long fight, and we was incredibly distant for many years; hence, why I was so unhappy and progressively became less secure about myself and my relationship. This lasted far too long (20 years)all because I just didn’t understand what was going on and did all the wrong things such as holding on to something that was damaging to me. You have said and pinpointed what all these years I suspected, but never wanted to realize. It turns out that I am finally separating from my relationship, and then I saw this video that confirms as to why I made the right decision. Thank you for these videos. Many thanks and keep enjoying your success, you truly deserve it!
Wow! This video came at a time when I really needed it Matt! I recently left a marriage of 10 years and all 5 signs were present. Everything you said was on point and really helped reassure me that I have done the right thing by leaving.
I was walking on eggshells and could never really express how I felt. Sadly, I couldn’t find the strength to leave until I was threatened with violence. Fortunately I had enough self worth left to know that was unacceptable. So much time has gone wasted on a relationship that was never a partnership.
I will be journaling these 5 signs. This is not a part of my life I want to repeat. EVER!
Karla, I acknowledge you for having the courage to leave. I too was in a marriage like this and it wasn’t a partnership either. Everthing always had to revolve around him and it had to be his way. I “worked” so hard for 25 years taking on the responsibility of getting it right and then he’d be alright. It took me 25 years to realize I needed to leave, because I was dying (emotionally). And now he has turned our two sons against me. If you knew what a good mother I was it makes no sense. Bless you Karla and may you find someone wonderful to love and be loved by.
First 3 point boom – something I understood but couldn’t name it. 4 and 5 I see as a way of apologizing. Sometimes when I’m down I can see resentment as well. But maybe it’s because of destruction faze 1-3. Thank you Matthew your an amazing guy!!:)
Thanks! So good.
33 years 10 children and 8 grandchildren later…now what?
I am being the change I hope to see.
Appreciate your thoughts!
Connie