Budding relationships aren’t won by text messages alone. But they can be lost.
Many people don’t realise how much their love interest can be turned off by nasty texting habits that make them hold up their phone to their friends and ask “What’s his/her deal??”
So here are the 5 big texting mistakes we make, and why they are so important to avoid:
1. You are a “one-note” texter
“Hey…what’s up, I’m bored x”
“Not much, just watching Stranger Things. You?”
“Ah, love that show. Just chilling, got home from work.”
“You up to much this weekend?”
“Dunno yet. You?”
This is what happens when people treat texting as an “entertain me” machine. Instead of giving any value, insight, or fun, they simply ask one-note questions that show zero personality and make other people feel bored just looking at them.
If you want to start getting someone interested, use texts messages to express personality, e.g. “I just watched Stranger Things, and now I’m pretty sure there are monsters in my house! Also, now I feel like being a kid and going on an adventure, any ideas? ;)”
This makes conversation fun, instead of logical and boring, and what’s more it actually shows your personality, which makes someone way more likely to emotionally connect with you.
(Btw – you can see more examples of this in Matt’s brand new “Momentum Texts” program – click here to grab your copy now)
2. You try to play it too cool
You thought you’d grow out of game-playing after 30? Unfortunately, many people don’t. They still think that purposely waiting 3 hours to text back shows they’re “busy”, meanwhile, the other person is getting more and more bored wondering why it’s taking 2 days to have a few lines of conversation.
No, you don’t have to be available to text at all hours of the day, but if you’re busy, just tell them you’ll catch up later (if they’re cool, they’ll get it), then talk properly when you’re next available.
But the whole: “I’ll wait double the amount of time he takes to reply before I text him back” game? That gets real old real fast.
3. You’re not moving things forward
Texting should be for either:
(a) Entertainment = flirting, jokes, funny stories, cute messages, sharing a GIF
(b) Logistics = arranging a date, deciding where to eat, etc.
(c) Setting your standards
Sure, you can also do some of the obvious: “Where are you from? What’s your job?” chat, but stay away from getting stuck on talking about boring daily updates, your annoying boss at work, or how you’re sitting around bingeing on YouTube Make-Up tutorials – these things shouldn’t be a focus when trying to create attraction through texting.
Think of text messages as things that “spark joy” (to borrow the words of Marie Kondo) – little ways to elicit an emotion, rather than as a substitute for a real life conversation.
Besides, you should always save some topics of conversation for when you actually meet in person.
4. You brush off compliments/flirtation
Suppose you had an amazing date. Maybe you even kissed and shared a romantic moment.
They text you later to say, “Thanks for tonight. You looked incredible btw.”
And you respond: “Lol don’t be silly”.
It might seem small, but in that moment you KILLED THEIR FLIRTATION – and this is one of the biggest text messaging mistakes you can make in the early dating stage.
If you brush off praise, or don’t show some kind of acknowledgment that you like someone back, it’s going to make them question whether you’re really interested. If you like someone, give them some sign that you return their feelings (this doesn’t have to be sexual either btw).
5. You assert your standards at the wrong moments
When you come on too strong, act confrontational, or become aggressive in your expectations, you’ll find the other person start to get resentful and emotionally check out of the conversation.
This is why it’s important to know when it is actually appropriate to expect more from someone – to find a way of asserting our needs in a way that doesn’t get misinterpreted (which is all too easy to do when you only have written words at your disposal and no body language or non-verbal cues to make yourself clear.)
For example, if a guy is never asking you out but is constantly messaging, you can say:
“So, Mister, are you going to ask me out, or can I expect a “how’s your week” text every week for the rest of my life?”
This way you are (a) calling him out, but (b) moving things forward, and (c) doing it with charm. Now the ball is firmly in his court, but he knows you won’t be sitting around waiting if they don’t make the next move.
After all, the purpose of texting is to actually leave the phone behind eventually. To build excitement for a face-to-face meeting. To create connection for a flesh-and blood relationship (which is the goal here, I hope!)
Once you do this and start taking the momentum in your own hands (or thumbs?), you’ll spend less time having to worry about whether or not you’re phone will buzz every waking minute, and more time making beautiful connections with people you actually love talking to.
So don’t waste another second “winging it” and not knowing what to do next.
If you’re sick and tired of texting that goes nowhere, these messages get you off your phone and into a REAL relationship…
67 Counter-Intuitive Texts That Lead to REAL Relationships
(and the Surprising Psychology Behind Why They Work)
This is Matt’s brand new program, all about how to create momentum in the early stages of dating, with customizable messages to reach out, spark attraction, and get past texting to a real date (or your next date).
You’ll also discover how to build momentum with an existing relationship, by flirting, deepening your connection, and even how to regain momentum if things go cold to re-ignite their interest.