5 Texting Mistakes You’re Probably Making

woman looking at her phone

Budding relationships aren’t won by text messages. But they can be lost.

Many women don’t realise how much guys can be turned off by nasty texting habits that make him hold up his phone to his friends and ask “What’s her deal??”

So here are the 5 big texting mistakes that women make, and why they are so important to avoid:

1. You are a “one-note” woman

“Hey…what’s up, I’m bored x”

“Not much, just watching Stranger Things. You?”

“Ah, love that show. Just chilling, got home from work.”

“Cool. Any big plans for the weekend?”

“Dunno yet. What you thinking?”

Somebody, please. Smash these people’s smartphones so they can never pollute the ether with their boring conversations again.

This is what happens when people treat texting as an “entertain me” machine. Instead of giving any value, insight, or fun, they simply ask one-note questions that show zero personality and make other people feel bored just looking at them.

If you want to start getting guys interested, use texts messages to express personality, e.g. “I just watched Stranger Things, and now I’m pretty sure there are monsters in my house! Also, now I feel like being a kid and going on an adventure, any ideas? ;)”

This makes everything fun, instead of logical and boring.

(Btw – you can see more examples of this in my free texting guide at 9texts.com)

2. You take too much time to text back

bored man looking at phone

You thought you’d grow out of game-playing after 25? Unfortunately, many people don’t. They still think that purposely waiting 3 hours to text back shows they’re “busy”, meanwhile, the guy is getting more and more bored wondering why it’s taking 2 days to have a few lines of conversation.

No, you don’t have to be available to text at all hours of the day, but if you’re busy, just tell him you’ll catch up later (if he’s cool, he’ll get it), then talk properly when you’re next available.

But the whole: “I’ll wait double the amount of time he takes to reply before I text him back” game? That gets real old real fast.

3. You’re not moving things forward

Texting should be for either:

(a) Entertainment = flirting, jokes, funny stories, cute messages, sharing a stupid GIF


(b) Logistics = arranging a date, deciding where to eat, etc.

Sure, you can also do some of the standard: “Where are you from? What’s your job?” chat, but stay away from getting stuck on talking about boring daily updates like what you had for lunch, your annoying boss at work, or how you’re sitting around bingeing on YouTube Make-Up tutorials videos wasting hours of your weekend – these things shouldn’t be a focus when texting your crush.

Think of text messages as things that “spark joy” (to use the words of Marie Kondo) – little ways to elicit an emotion, rather than as a substitute for a real life conversation.

Besides, you should always save some topics of conversation for when you actually meet in person.

4. You brush off his compliments

woman on phone brushing off a guy

Suppose you had an amazing date. Maybe you even kissed and shared a romantic moment.

He texts you later to say, “Thanks for tonight. You looked incredible btw.”

And you respond: “Lol don’t be silly”.

It might seem small, but in that moment you KILLED HIS COMPLIMENT – and this is one of the biggest text messaging mistakes a woman can make in the early dating stage.

If you brush off his praise, or don’t show some kind of acknowledgment that you like him back, it’s going to make him question whether you’re really interested. If you like the guy, give him some sign that you return his feelings.

5. Being too demanding  

It’s obvious, but no-one wants to feel like texting has become a chore. So keep your conversations limited to a certain time or amount of messages, and then politely excuse yourself to continue talking another time. Believe me, it will make him value you more.

When women respond too much, come on too strong, or act aggressive in their expectations, men start to get bored of the conversation and emotionally check out.

So make sure you’re not always the one reaching out: take a day or two for him to miss you and see if he sparks up a new conversation – it creates some space, and gives you a chance to see if he really likes you and wants to reach out.

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

9 Responses to 5 Texting Mistakes You’re Probably Making

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  1. Carissa says:

    I texted 9texts.com, gave my name and email address,and never got an email. I even checked spam. How can I get the 9 texts?

  2. Tracy muyunda says:

    Have never had one before ,that’s why I’m failing to find my right partner.. have never found a serious relationship before.what should I do??

  3. Melly says:

    But there’s one more thing about not accepting compliments.

    If he says “you looked incredible btw” and you just answer “lol don’t be silly” he feels – guess what – silly. And then he doesn’t want to make you any more compliments because he doesn’t want to feel silly or weak. It’s ways better to just accept it and say “ah thank you so much”.
    You don’t even have to give it back by saying “you looked great, too”, because that makes it like a competition of compliments and devalue his compliment. If you make a compliment, you should do it because you mean it, not because you want it back or because he made you one.

    And it’s even more attractive to take the compliment and not to say “ah I don’t think so” because you are allowed to feel confident about yourself. He doesn’t make you a compliment to push your self confidence but just to make you feel happy.

  4. Suzette says:

    Hey Matthew sent you s email about a week ago . I know your busy but would very much appreciate a response or s gurl could think your not for real.

  5. Joana says:

    Desperate here, asking for one very simple advise:

    My question is: I was thinking that maybe I should try a bold, radical move and delete him from my friends’ list as a way to burn bridges and try to move on. But then I also think that this way I’m truly burning this bridge and ruinning any future possibility of any kind of contact, ever.

    What would be your advice?

    (I had a boyfriend for a year. We (I) broke up one year ago. He moved on, met a girl not long afterwards and has been officially dating her for a little over 4 months.
    I’m still alone, with no perspective whatsoever of having someone any time soon, maybe even ever, and still fighting to stop thinking about him and the whole thing.
    We are on eachother’s Facebook but he rarely uses social media. That is, he rarely posts, but he checks it.)

    • Maggie says:

      He moved on. Do the same. Better “things” are waiting for you to notice, find etc.

    • Marta says:

      Take control of the situation by investing in yourself. Start doing things that spark your passion and make your heart happy. Take a class. Take a new hobby. Go back online and get some dates. Not with the intention of finding forever love, but just as a way to learn about yourself and meet some interesting people. Keep it light. Keep it fun. Don’t do anything for him or anyone else but for yourself. The moment you start investing all that precious energy on building yourself up that makes you a more attractive version of yourself. You’ll value yourself more. And down the road as a byproduct you’ll attract more interesting people into your life. It’s a win-win!!

    • Jgirl says:

      I think “Facebook friends” is often taken too seriously. Does he publish anything you enjoy seeing or reading? Do you have any live contact? How many of your other facebook friends are in this all-or-nothing (facebook or not-friends) category?
      Once time, I deleted a friend when I was depressed, we re-friended, then he deleted me when he was angry. I left it. We are not connected by facebook, but we do see each other in person, and we are friends.
      I thought I would re-friend again only if there was some facebook “lock” that prevented this loose off-again, on-again friendship status! :)
      As Matthew said, you can argue, but don’t threaten the relationship. We can’t threaten the facebook relationship if it does not exist, so we have to deal with the live relationship.
      Sometimes, I miss his pictures and updates, but I’m also not able to feel jealous or depressed that I can’t keep up with whatever he is doing because I am not checking facebook updates, but rather out in the world living a life of my own.
      I think that deleting from facebook is not ruining any future possibility of friendship or contact unless he is overly dramatic about the meaning of facebook, and you already said he does not publish much.
      As Matthew says, get into experiencing and developing your real life.

  6. Julie MacKenzie says:

    Enjoyed this article! Thanks for the tips…;)

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