You ask your friends, “Is this normal?”
It’s not that he’s necessarily a bad guy. But you feel deep in your gut that something is wrong. Like he’s just a passenger along for the ride, and you’re always the one driving the car.
You keep wondering if you’re being over-dramatic, but you can’t help but feel something isn’t right.
Is he being unreasonable? Or are you expecting too much?
Here are the 6 biggest signs of a one sided relationship that let you know 100% if things have gotten out of hand:
1. You always make the date plans
That weekend trip you took to go camping? That three course date-night-dinner you cooked and scheduled for him? That vacation for which you looked up all the flights and hotels?
You think back over the past 6 months, and can’t even remember the last time he made a suggestion about something you could do together.
This is one of the first signs of a one sided relationship – when you realise that he doesn’t even try to book things anymore, because you’ve become his personal week planner.
2. He doesn’t factor you into his life decisions
You’ve been together for two years, and yet he doesn’t factor you into any of his important life decisions.
Suddenly, he’s moving an hour away without even asking how you feel about it. Then he books a 2-month trip to Asia with his friends. It feels like he’s not even thinking about a future with you, while you’re doing all the heavy lifting.
If he never even asks how you feel about these decisions, it’s definitely a sign that he’s taking you for granted and you need to restore the balance in your relationship.
3. He never compromises on what he wants
You change your work plans to try and be more available for him. He always asks you to drive out to his place on a Friday night.
Whenever something even slightly costs him time or money, he suddenly doesn’t want to do it.
This could be due to an inherent selfishness on his part, or he simply isn’t invested enough in the relationship, but either way, this is a dangerous dynamic to sleepwalk into.
Watch out for him making you feel guilty by complaining about how “busy” or “stressed” he is whenever a decision doesn’t fall in his favour.
4. He always puts his friends above you
Let’s be clear: making time for your friends in relationships is important. But you know that things have gone wrong if your partner always ditches you when a better plan comes along with his buddies instead of you.
Maybe he cancels on that movie date even though you planned it together weeks ago. Or he says he’s too busy to go on a weekend trip, whilst always making time for his friend’s bachelor parties.
Again, friendships are important. But you should be important to him too! At the very least, you ought to be on equal footing with other close people in his life.
5. You’re always the one apologizing and trying to fix things
Whenever you have arguments, he never sees your side of the story. Even if you bring a minor grievance to his attention he backs you down by calling you a “drama queen” or “high maintenance”.
If you know he’s in the wrong and yet you’re always the one saying sorry, something has gone wrong. Both partners should be able to acknowledge their role in problems and work on fixing them, not constantly make one person as the source of every issue.
6. He keeps you distant from his personal life
He keeps you away from his parents, even after years of dating. He never invites you to a party with his friends. He stays vague and distant whenever you ask him about work.
Meanwhile, you’re always finding ways to bring him into your world.
If this happens, it’s a sign that a guy is trying to keep you at arms length and wants to have things on his own terms.
When a guy truly cares about you, he should want to introduce you to the people close to him and let you into his inner circle (even if it happens gradually).
7. He stops trying to impress you
Perhaps the biggest sign of all: when a guy just isn’t trying anymore.
You make an effort to do fun things, look your best, and show him affection, but in return he simply takes care of his own needs and never thinks about ways to please you.
All couples have a period where both partners relax a bit, but it should never get to the point where he isn’t making an effort to bring passion and thoughtfulness into the relationship.
If he stops thinking about your needs, a one sided relationship could be your future.
So there we have it: 7 signs that things have gone out of balance and you need to stand up for your place in the relationship.
When it comes to how to fix a one sided relationship, the most important part is to decide on exactly what’s gone wrong, and communicate calmly but firmly where you think things are out of balance. Try and be specific and tell him you’re interested in discussing what you can both do differently from now on to make it better.
If he doesn’t accept any responsibility or try to improve things, it’s probably time to move on to someone who makes you more of a priority.