It’s when you like someone, and want more with them, but they’ve shown you (through their actions or their words) that they are not willing to give you more. They don’t want a relationship with you.
And yet, here you are, continuing to text them, speak to them on the phone, see them in person, and hook up with them.
If you can relate to this, watching this video is literally the most important thing you can do right now.
Go for the Happiness You Deserve.
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I want to talk about a familiar story. You like someone. You’ve spent some time with them. Maybe you’ve been on a few dates. Maybe they were even someone you had a relationship with. But this person essentially tells you on some level that they’re not ready for something more. They don’t want a relationship with you. Now, if you also don’t want something more, but you’re enjoying spending time with them and you’re just enjoying it for what it is, that’s one thing. But if deep down you want something more with someone who has confirmed that they are not ready or don’t want something more with you, continuing to see that person, to text that person, to make love to that person, or to give that person your attention in any way is a form of microdosing, and microdosing in this context can be lethal.
There are more dangers than the obvious dangers of microdosing. The obvious danger is that this is leaving me unsatisfied, unrewarded, ultimately unfulfilled, it’s not a nourishing form of investment, and every time that person leaves my life again, every time it goes cold again, I feel the sense of hangover. This is now painful. The only way out of that hangover is to get my fix again, right? The next time they text me, I get this Pavlovian rush of dopamine that I connect to that person’s name. I mean, we all know that feeling. There’s a certain person that when their name comes up on our phone, we immediately get this surge, this chemical rush, and in that moment we go, “Oh, my God.” It’s like you’re a junkie. In that moment you go, “Oh, my God, it feels so much better now.” That is so dangerous, but that’s only the obvious danger. The not-so-obvious danger is this, that when someone is occupying emotional and psychological focus in our life – even if they’re not a physical presence in our life, that’s not taking up a huge amount of space in our week – if they are an emotional presence in our life, then we never get the emotional distance from that person that’s necessary to meet someone new. Now, even though that person isn’t with us in our day, isn’t with us in our life, we can be in a coffee shop, there can be all these people around us, but we don’t look up at those people, we look down at our phone waiting for that next text, waiting for our fix.
You may be saying to yourself, “Yeah, but Matt, I don’t know that there’s anyone else out there for me. There might not be a happy ending around the corner.” That might be true. You might decide to cut off this person completely, and go explore, and not find anything, but at least it’s a question mark. That person who has told you they don’t want any more with you is a period. In other words, they have hit period on this situation and said, “I don’t want more.” Everyone else out there in the world is a question mark. Leave the period, start exploring the question marks.
Don’t lie to yourself about microdosing on a person being harmless to you. It is not harmless in terms of your time, your emotional energy, and your psychological wellbeing. It can be lethal. You don’t want a drug. You want happiness. So start going for happiness.
78 Replies to “Are You “Microdosing” in Your Love Life? Find Out…”
Thank you for this. Right on time. Le sigh…. So hard to let go of happily ever afters.
Dear Matt, wow thank you. I didn’t know that, that’s what is called. I’ve been going through this fo the past year!!!! I loved him so much, but Recently I called it off. And I was sooo sooo sad!! But I know I’ll be fine. Anyways I just wanted to say thank you.
Story of my life. I wish there were rehabs for this addiction :(
Once again you’ve hit the nail on the head with everything there Matt. I’ve been there and it’s so refreshing to break free.
Hi, thank you so muchvfor this video! I was in such relationship for months, when the guy behaved like a boyfriend but didnt want to call me his girlfriend. It damaged me. I feel even after a break up horrible. He broke up with me first, than we tried again and than i reslised, i cannot do it any longer. Slso with help from you, Matthew. This decision was right. But still it is very painful experience and if i could turn time back, I would never ever do it again. My selfwworth is completely down, cause I had to experience for a long time, I am not good enough to be his girlfgriend, to be loved… i feel used… he dpent almost every weekend at my place, I cooked for us, he never gave me money for this. He just took what he wanted and i was so stupid and let him use my love, my attention, my help.
I call it the “Cat Nip” effect!
Its true.. I am in this situation now.. Though how much i try to ignore that person. How much i avoid.. He still comes back to me. He knows i have feelings. I have told it in a couple of times. But he himself never express or give me the answer, so that i can move on. For many years, i had this pain. It feels like i am being used. I want to stop this because i am tired of this situation… And mathew your video was a relief. Thank you!!
The person that keeps going back after they’ve said they don’t want anything more with the other person is a disgusting human being. They are just using this other person. These kind of people make me sick to my stomach.
So true!… :/ Thank you for keep pointing that out!
Pretty ironic how I came to this conclusion last night. – finally realized I cannot keep letting this person back in as it always hurts when they leave and I dint hear from them for weeks. I want more.. You video confirmed my thoughts. Thank you Matthew
People who say they don’t want anything more but still keep spending time with you are satisfying their own needs and probably not even caring what they’re doing to you. Not even thinking what they’re doing to you. These are immoral degenerate people that are probably cheating on somebody else at the same time. They are not worth your thoughts nor your time.
Spot on Matthew! It took me an entire year to realize this. Three weeks after I told him “no more” and blocked all communication, I met someone who fulfills me in more ways than that other person could. Have the courage to let go; only then will we see what we deserve Thank you Matthew!!
This is my exact scenario! So much that I changed his contact name on my phone to !
Matthew you are so on point with everything you just said! That is the exact situation I am in once again. The good news is I’ve been learning so much from you and trying to apply your great coaching to my life. I will not continue to invest in men that cannot invest in me. I’m to old to waste time. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life old habits are so difficult to change but I know if I continue on this path and live my authentic life I will attract the “right” guy for me. I’m so grateful to have found you. Thank you for helping women… good women that have low self esteem low self worth due to damage and pain. But deserve the best in love and relationships and most important the relationship with ourselves.
In a love gap relationship for 7 years . Initially he didn’t want children and marriage. Until just recently he did and I already have 2 kids and don’t want anymore.. it’s obvious we are at an fork in the road. The video has a very clear message and speaks volumes but it’s hard after so much time vested in a relationship to say goodbye and best of luck finding that person. Which brings me to the video on the last girl before he marries which ultimately I am ! Sorry for the long winded comment Thxs for the video is very helpful
Matt’s I have been doing that just waiting for that text to come. We met on line and have talked on line and on phone for two months and have not met but he says we will meet. Now he is supposed to be working in Africa and I feel left alone and I have not even met him yet. Extreme anxiety and painful when he dies not reply for days. When I did it to him he was so worried I found someone else.
I will start going for happiness..
Thanks Matt. Needed to hear this. But it’s so hard to cut him out. It’s like addiction :(
I have been following Matthew for sometime now and this is the most powerful and convincing video I’ve read! Thank goodness I have finally got the strength to move on from this painful relationship!
Another wonderful piece of insight. It’s been a process of self love knowing to hold out for someone wanting a true connection. Learning the signs of truth has been hard but amazingly beautiful ❤️
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