Are You “Microdosing” in Your Love Life? Find Out…

Microdosing.

It’s when you like someone, and want more with them, but they’ve shown you (through their actions or their words) that they are not willing to give you more. They don’t want a relationship with you.

And yet, here you are, continuing to text them, speak to them on the phone, see them in person, and hook up with them.

If you can relate to this, watching this video is literally the most important thing you can do right now.

Go for the Happiness You Deserve.
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I want to talk about a familiar story. You like someone. You’ve spent some time with them. Maybe you’ve been on a few dates. Maybe they were even someone you had a relationship with. But this person essentially tells you on some level that they’re not ready for something more. They don’t want a relationship with you. Now, if you also don’t want something more, but you’re enjoying spending time with them and you’re just enjoying it for what it is, that’s one thing. But if deep down you want something more with someone who has confirmed that they are not ready or don’t want something more with you, continuing to see that person, to text that person, to make love to that person, or to give that person your attention in any way is a form of microdosing, and microdosing in this context can be lethal.

There are more dangers than the obvious dangers of microdosing. The obvious danger is that this is leaving me unsatisfied, unrewarded, ultimately unfulfilled, it’s not a nourishing form of investment, and every time that person leaves my life again, every time it goes cold again, I feel the sense of hangover. This is now painful. The only way out of that hangover is to get my fix again, right? The next time they text me, I get this Pavlovian rush of dopamine that I connect to that person’s name. I mean, we all know that feeling. There’s a certain person that when their name comes up on our phone, we immediately get this surge, this chemical rush, and in that moment we go, “Oh, my God.” It’s like you’re a junkie. In that moment you go, “Oh, my God, it feels so much better now.” That is so dangerous, but that’s only the obvious danger. The not-so-obvious danger is this, that when someone is occupying emotional and psychological focus in our life – even if they’re not a physical presence in our life, that’s not taking up a huge amount of space in our week – if they are an emotional presence in our life, then we never get the emotional distance from that person that’s necessary to meet someone new. Now, even though that person isn’t with us in our day, isn’t with us in our life, we can be in a coffee shop, there can be all these people around us, but we don’t look up at those people, we look down at our phone waiting for that next text, waiting for our fix.

You may be saying to yourself, “Yeah, but Matt, I don’t know that there’s anyone else out there for me. There might not be a happy ending around the corner.” That might be true. You might decide to cut off this person completely, and go explore, and not find anything, but at least it’s a question mark. That person who has told you they don’t want any more with you is a period. In other words, they have hit period on this situation and said, “I don’t want more.” Everyone else out there in the world is a question mark. Leave the period, start exploring the question marks.

Don’t lie to yourself about microdosing on a person being harmless to you. It is not harmless in terms of your time, your emotional energy, and your psychological wellbeing. It can be lethal. You don’t want a drug. You want happiness. So start going for happiness.

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78 Replies to “Are You “Microdosing” in Your Love Life? Find Out…”

  1. I cut off all contacts to the guy that told me he was not ready for a relationship – I did what you say one should do. That was 4 months ago and I still cannot get him out of my head. I was so in love and I think I still am. I’ve been out, doing sports and stuff I’ve never done before, spending time with family and friends, I’ve been on more dates the past 4 months than I was during 2 previous years when I was single. But I still cannot get him out of my head. No other guy has been able to create the kind of butterflies in me as the other one. And I’ve really been trying to give other guys a chance because I’m so fed up with feeling this way about a guy that doesn’t feel this about me. I would want nothing more than to meet someone great, but it’s like he has kidnapped my brain and feelings. I don’t know what to do anymore.

  2. thanks matthew for this very insightful, video, this is what I’m going through at the moment I met a guy, we got on great, well at least I thought so, we have been texting non stop at the beginning, we met up, great first date, I always ask him how he was in our text, and asked on more than one occasion if he’d like to meet up again, how was his day, I was being proactive, and yes I got that rush when he text me back, but with little interest in my day or anything else… I was microdosing

  3. Hi Matt. I was widowed after 32 years of marriage a couple of years ago. I enjoy meeting new people and I’m ready to date but after being “out of circulation” for so long, I’m finding modern dating to be a bit intimidating and confusing. I’ve been seeing a guy for a few months, and I think our “ relationship” fits in to this category (microdosing). I’m not sure I want a LTR right now, but thanks to you I realize I’m wasting my time and energy with this guy. Time to move on.

  4. Just what I needed Matt. I’m gonna begin exploring the question marks and leave the period behind. I’m tired of hurting. 19 months is a long time for yo-yo romances. I’m a loyal person with soooo much life in me to live. I need to start being loyal to myself and living that life, with or without a partner.

  5. Hi Matthew
    I subscribe to many of your courses and I find them very valuable. I am dating a man that I consider to be high value and we have been seeing each other for 6 months. We are both divorced after 20+ year marriages and met each after being single for about 2 and 3 years, respectively.

    We enjoy each other’s company and see each other once or twice a week. We don’t stay at each others houses as we both have teenage children at home. We are able to spend more time together through weekend trips we have taken.

    My question is about communication. He is from India originally, been in North America for about 12 years and it is very usual in his culture to be divorced and to be dating an American born woman. When he first started dating he said “I’m going to tell my kids, my siblings, friends we are dating”. But he hasn’t. When questioned by a family member he just said “I will tell you when I’m dating someone” and he didn’t mention me. I’ve asked him if he’s any other concerns and that is why he is not sharing and he ultimately said “maybe baggage from the marriage has him hesitant to share with family and friends yet”. I’ve introduced him to a few of my friends, my children no I’m dating someone but I’ve not introduced them as I don’t feel comfortable with my kids meeting him until he has at least told his kids he is dating.

    I’m understand his culture and his hesitation, but I’m hurt that he isn’t sharing the truth with his family and friends.

    Would like your advise.

  6. I totally relate to this…it’s almost like the more the last guy didn’t want me and made zero effort with me the more I wanted him so badly. I was checking my phone all the time consumed that hopefully he will one day decide he wanted me. My friends had had enough of me talking about him analysing the situation. Then one day he messaged me and I didn’t feel that happiness anymore to hear from him, I actually felt a little sick and finally I was ready to move on and I told him I deserved better and I started dating other guys. You are the only one who can end this cycle of toxic behaviour

    1. Hi, Patricia! I’m so sorry to hear that you’re encountering a video error. Here is the YouTube video link so you can watch Matthew’s video! Thank you for reaching out to us about this. Take care, Sara – MH Team

  7. This is, by far, the best, most spot-on, valuable video of yours I’ve seen. It has really opened up my eyes to what I’ve been going through. Thank you for this!!

  8. Hi,
    I am experiencing this exact situation at the moment, it has been going on for about 6 months now and I don’t know how to let it go. It is killing me.

  9. That was truly eye opening! I’m in that exact situation right now. I don’t know how to cut things off with him the next time I hear from him .

  10. Hi,I basically never read stuff like that .but somehow tonight I read ,and it is so related with my life .a man that I slept with once came back to my life after 7 years no contact ,not telling me straight If he is still in marriage ,just told me he had been alone for a year .since I became a Christian after the only one time sex which I felt grateful about ,and I told him I am looking for a marriage and I want sex in the marriage .he told me he never wanted to get married again .I was going to see him in the states .but now I’m stuck in China ,well .he asked me if he was not in the states would I go to find him ,I said yes, for I really thought he was the answer of my prayers .but when I knew he maybe just want some time fun .god .i can’t ..He cheated on his wife before the wedding ceremony and he told me ,(not with me ).for I was his good friend .later I knew something was bad in his marriage .and I developed an affection with him .and for my only time in life I chose to sleep with him ,for ending the affection I had with him ,otherwise I was afraid it could be some affair which I truly hate cheating .anyway ,after the only sex we had over 7 years ago ,he immigrated to the states and I started to believe in god . Now since I returned the flight tickets and he paid half of the amount that he said he would pay ,he deleted me and even blacklisted me .it was like a real break up for me kind of .for over 7 years ago ,after leaving him .i never felt that sad .just thought what I had with his was over .well .yeah .i want a marriage .and I want sex in marriage for the blessings .I thought it was nothing for so meaningless that leads to some emptiness if there is only sex .i want to be someone’s helper .when I was with him .he just had a daughter.i told him I can be a step mother but not a concubine .anyway .he totally blocked me .and somehow I need to turn my focus to God again .yeah it is sad .when I deeply was looking for something more .however he was just hoping some easy sweet time like before .

  11. That makes such good sense, wasting our time with somebody that doesn’t want to invest in us. Thank you so much for your great insight.

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