Are You “Microdosing” in Your Love Life? Find Out…

Microdosing.

It’s when you like someone, and want more with them, but they’ve shown you (through their actions or their words) that they are not willing to give you more. They don’t want a relationship with you.

And yet, here you are, continuing to text them, speak to them on the phone, see them in person, and hook up with them.

If you can relate to this, watching this video is literally the most important thing you can do right now.

Go for the Happiness You Deserve.
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I want to talk about a familiar story. You like someone. You’ve spent some time with them. Maybe you’ve been on a few dates. Maybe they were even someone you had a relationship with. But this person essentially tells you on some level that they’re not ready for something more. They don’t want a relationship with you. Now, if you also don’t want something more, but you’re enjoying spending time with them and you’re just enjoying it for what it is, that’s one thing. But if deep down you want something more with someone who has confirmed that they are not ready or don’t want something more with you, continuing to see that person, to text that person, to make love to that person, or to give that person your attention in any way is a form of microdosing, and microdosing in this context can be lethal.

There are more dangers than the obvious dangers of microdosing. The obvious danger is that this is leaving me unsatisfied, unrewarded, ultimately unfulfilled, it’s not a nourishing form of investment, and every time that person leaves my life again, every time it goes cold again, I feel the sense of hangover. This is now painful. The only way out of that hangover is to get my fix again, right? The next time they text me, I get this Pavlovian rush of dopamine that I connect to that person’s name. I mean, we all know that feeling. There’s a certain person that when their name comes up on our phone, we immediately get this surge, this chemical rush, and in that moment we go, “Oh, my God.” It’s like you’re a junkie. In that moment you go, “Oh, my God, it feels so much better now.” That is so dangerous, but that’s only the obvious danger. The not-so-obvious danger is this, that when someone is occupying emotional and psychological focus in our life – even if they’re not a physical presence in our life, that’s not taking up a huge amount of space in our week – if they are an emotional presence in our life, then we never get the emotional distance from that person that’s necessary to meet someone new. Now, even though that person isn’t with us in our day, isn’t with us in our life, we can be in a coffee shop, there can be all these people around us, but we don’t look up at those people, we look down at our phone waiting for that next text, waiting for our fix.

You may be saying to yourself, “Yeah, but Matt, I don’t know that there’s anyone else out there for me. There might not be a happy ending around the corner.” That might be true. You might decide to cut off this person completely, and go explore, and not find anything, but at least it’s a question mark. That person who has told you they don’t want any more with you is a period. In other words, they have hit period on this situation and said, “I don’t want more.” Everyone else out there in the world is a question mark. Leave the period, start exploring the question marks.

Don’t lie to yourself about microdosing on a person being harmless to you. It is not harmless in terms of your time, your emotional energy, and your psychological wellbeing. It can be lethal. You don’t want a drug. You want happiness. So start going for happiness.

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78 Replies to “Are You “Microdosing” in Your Love Life? Find Out…”

  1. Matt, I don’t know where you came from or where you trained, but you are wise beyond your years. You really are doing good for so many people by exposing the crap men who come in a beautiful wrapper or who blind us with their smooth talking (we all know some).
    Keep at it and power to you.
    Xox

  2. Wow!.. I’ve been doing this for a few weeks with someone.. never knew it had a name.. But you described it to a T!. I’ve decided 2 days ago actually that I wasn’t going to waste my time and energy anymore on this person… Before him..I was 100% focused on reaching my goals no distractions and then out of the blue! A line that shouldn’t have been crossed.. Was..he made the 1st move. 2nd move 3rd etc…. He showed the interest, loads of effort… I was open to it.. We agreed to casual..but I hadn’t been with someone in a long time; years… I’m not that type of girl.. So I wanted to get to know him more get comfortable because.. Again I’ve never done this before.. I explained that to him he seemed so understanding And willing And sweet… He moved faster than I was ready for but things happened … Twice.. And then all the effort and interest just dwindled..he’ll send a text here n there but there is.no effort to make conversations. I’m disappointed because it could have been so much fun!!.. Anyway yeah. I decided to download a dating app and happily distracted. It’s hard to ignore someone when they send you a text… I don’t want to make it seem like I’m not talking to him because I’m mad or whatever… I don’t want him to know that he’s gotten under my skin like this.

  3. I met a guy 7 months ago and this is what has been happening with him. I understand now after watching this video and I am stopping it right now. You described our relationship perfectly. Time to pull the plug forever. Thank you!!

  4. Thank you Matt you always seem to hit it on the head ie saying things right at the correct moment of my life !!! You are awesome!!!

  5. Dear Matthew,
    WoW, I just watched your vid on microdosing; it completely applies!! But in a kind of opposite way; For over 2 and a half years now a guy from the past keeps texting me and asking me out. He has a girlfriend, I have a family! we’ve seen each other twice since we started texting; once at a party he gave (about a year ago) once in august (for a dinner). He now asked to meet again. I wonder whether this is still a healthy situation or if there could be a way to continu being friends

  6. I’m so passionate about this video because it is the ultimate abuse of another human being. I’m so passionate about this video because it is the ultimate abuse of another human being. There is a way to stop thinking about these people and eliminate the negative affects on your life. Your mind is the problem and it needs to be stopped. There’s a very simple way to do it. I have ADHD so I listen to all books otherwise I fall asleep. The most influential book in my life they helped me get over procrastination, self-doubt and eliminate people from my life that were harming me is Mel Robbins ‘ The five second rule‘. It’s not just something you read and think about, it something that actually stops your mind from these destructive thoughts it’s action. If you want to take charge of your life, get this book and read or listen or whatever you need to do to absorb this simple action. There’s a way out.

  7. This is exactly what I’m experiencing right now Matt! So painful, tearing up as I’m typing this. Thank you for this video Matthew!

  8. Its so true. What is so powerfully compelling about this video is I had never in my life experienced this before. I had not met a man that created that kind of rush of happiness and joy of complete what feels like joy. I had men in my life that I liked and enjoyed their company. This man created a feeling so strong and at the same time pulled away indicated he was not available went hot and cold and eventually after two years created a scenario were he had me conditioned to be patient for when he had the time for me, the mental space for me and the mindset for me. Its so dangerous because it slowly erodes your confidence, your energy, your joy and ultimately you feel as this video says unfulfilled.

    I got rid of this man from my life and now I have the emotional space to dream and laugh and be myself again. Because I have closure. Sure it hurt for a bit.
    But in the end it was the best thing I ever did.

    Now I have so much self confidence from this, so much joy in living every day .
    Happiness even.

    Its such a powerful message I absolutely love mathew for putting this together.

  9. You’re absolutely right that it’s a drug. And I don’t want that for my life. I don’t want it to an addiction, I truly want health. And the statement is of that person being a period is hard for me to hear, Matthew, because it was my husband you put a period to make an end to our relationship, and I still struggle with the breaking of my heart through this.

  10. I’ve watched this video twice now! Makes so much sense. I just got out of a 20 year marriage and met a man 10 years younger than me. I was not interested at all but he was very charming and persistent. We had a whirlwind summer together and then things cooled a bit and he texts every few days and we see each other but I think I’m a hopeless romantic and he has been hurt too many times by past relationships and so in my heart I know this probably would never work. He disappears for days without so much as a text and I wait for that “text” and feel that exhilaration when I get it! That’s ridiculous of me!!! I know I deserve SOO much more and therefore I will grant myself what I deserve! Thank you for your wisdom!! You are wonderful

  11. Microdosing is very unhealthy for you. You’ll never be happy, or fsatisfied, you will feel empty. It’s a waste of your time and your life.

  12. I have this kind of. The thing is we haven’t slept together in over 20 yrs. he is recently (1.5 years) out of a marriage. We connect online(never meeting even tho same town) we talk about our past relationships. We kind of have a sexting thing going on. He’s not ready to be in a relationship and I totally understand. . A few months go by and I check in to see how he’s doing and he tells me he’s in a relationship . I’m totally blindsided(of course I like him or I wouldn’t care). So it’s been almost a yr. and he’s texting, wanting sex..and like a normal person I don’t understand..I’ve told him..we are adults(he’s 47,I’m 50)why would you be in a relationship if your not 100% fulfilled? Why does he want this from me? Again, we HAVE NOT had sex, and I will not . Why do people behave this way? Why does he not want anything but sex from me? I’m 50 and I’m still running into situations like this?!?! Does it ever end?? I just want someone who wants to spend time with me and that cares about me, I don’t care to be married but do want a long term relationship.

  13. It’s so beautifully explained . It’s a fact Mathew that we keep on micro dosing To such an extent that it can be lethal and it’s not healthy emotionally and psychologically. It’s better to put a question mark and find a life outside such a relationship or situationship which is a kind of a drug n not happiness .

  14. Excellent perfect word to describe chasing chasing a dead end relationship and the dopamine factor that keeps you stuck. I put a period on a relationship and now understand why I struggled to regain my emotions even though it was my choice to find someone better. I’m good now and loving me! Thank you Matthew❤❤

  15. This wisdom is priceless!
    Finding myself in the current dating world as a widow has been a real eye opening experience. I’ve had the good fortune of an emotional healthy marriage of many decades and was shocked to discover the appalling ability of others to be genuine in their actions in the dating realm.
    Microdosing is nothing more than feeding an ego on the part of the one that gives out these little doses of attention. People who are genuine in their pursuit of a relationship will realize when a special person crosses their path and pursue that person. People who have genuine interest in another will make time in their lives beyond texting communication as a point of contact.
    Quite simply, if a relationship has to be forced then let it go and just say no to Microdosing!

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