🚨Are You “Moving Too Fast” for Him?

Flakey… Armed with excuses… And guilty of the high crime of wasting your time…

MPI’s are some of the smoothest criminals…

Watch the video below for this critical bulletin…

Have You Encountered an MPI Guy? Tap to Subscribe and Leave a Comment Below…

Narrator:

The mission of the MPI is to extract the maximum amount of attention with the Minimum Possible Investment. These are their stories.

Blaine:

Ma’am, do you have any idea how fast you were going?

Woman:

Normal speed?

Blaine:

Normal speed? As in, you normally move that fast?

Woman:

I don’t know.

Blaine:

You don’t know? Yeah, well, too fast for me, cupcake.

Woman:

I’m sorry, is this going anywhere?

Blaine:

Hmm, sounds like you’re in a hurry.

Woman:

Well, sort of, yeah.

Blaine:

What did you just say?

Woman:

I don’t want to waste my time. Is that a crime?

Blaine:

MPI to Bravo, we have a possible female commitment situation here. Please advise.

Woman:

Are you serious?

Blaine:

Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? Me getting serious after only 17 dates?

Woman:

Yeah. I would like that.

Blaine:

Ma’am, you need to calm down right now.

Woman:

I am calm right now. I was calm seven minutes ago when you got a text and I asked who it was.

Blaine:

Hold it right there.

Woman:

And you started getting all weird and pacing around the room.

Blaine:

Ma’am–

Woman:

Doing that breathing thing that you do…

Blaine:

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Woman:

And the eye twitch. So, I was like, “Okay, I’ll just go,” and I got in my car, and now we’re here, doing this thing. In your driveway.

Woman:

Where did you even get a costume that quickly? It is very convincing.

Blaine:

I have the right to remain silent. Anything I say can and will be used against me. MPI to Bravo, need exit strategy. Do you copy?

Speaker 4:

Bravo to MPI. Do not engage. Repeat: Do not get engaged.

Blaine:

Copy that.

Woman:

Engaged? I’m not asking to get engaged. I’m asking who was texting you, and you get so defensive. Like, who even keeps their phone holstered like that?

Blaine:

Ma’am, step away from the phone. You’re endangering yourself and our relationship.

Woman:

And I’m done.

Blaine:

MPI to Bravo, suspect has hit it and is trying to quit it.

Woman:

And by the way, this childish, can’t-have-a-relationship-conversation bullshit is a massive turn-off.

Blaine:

Shots fired! Officer down… Ego bruised… Need back-up… Woman… I’m too old for this shit.

Sarah:

Oh, my God! Are you wounded?

Blaine:

I’ve been hurt. Not in a good place right now.

Sarah:

Okay. Stay with me.

Blaine:

What’s your name?

Sarah:

I’m Sarah.

Blaine:

Blaine Topher, MPI.

Free Guide

Copy & Paste These
"9 Texts No Man Can Resist"

28 Replies to “🚨Are You “Moving Too Fast” for Him?”

  1. OMG Matthew you’re a genius!!! You give me self-esteem and the feeling that I have the right to ask questions and to want a relationship. So important and you do it in a fun, entertaining and memorable way, which is huge and just makes me feel good and safe. Lots of love, Katja

  2. I actually just cut contact with my MPI last night. Several hours later, this arrived in my inbox… There are signs, and there are SIGNS (more specifically, scripts which seem to be based on your actual life!)

    Matthew, I am genuinely grateful for your existence.

    Happy Christmas, btw! Hope you have a lovely time this holiday season <3

  3. Yes I think so. I have been talking and dating him for a whole you. He will come around talk to me the ghosts me when i get emotional or talk about more of a commitment. Just when i get strong, let him go, and start to get over him and be om. He contacts me agian!

  4. Hi Matt,
    That was brilliant ! I am a Detective in LA, I loved the backup calls for help! Very true and you look Hot as an Officer btw.

    Christina

  5. LOVED your American accent (certainly a Brit couldn’t have been part of the MPI taskforce…or, is it just a question of uniform?) Lol!

  6. Hilarious and fabulously spot on! Love that she had the strength to exit…but seems much harder to do in real life. And even harder to not be drawn back in by his microscopic and sporadic attention that is like a flickering lightbulb. You hope it’s going to turn on but it really never does for good.

  7. I have but it’s not other women so to speak it always their work. They have hectic lifestyles we’re they need to commit day and night. A text or call or meeting becomes too much effort. And I’m not allowed to bring up the topic as I’m either sounding like a nag, or apparently I don’t understand. Or I can have a relationship but not full on. They should be allowed to ghost me when it suits them and call me when it suits them.

  8. Haha! This is so funny! Thanks for the laugh this morning. BTW, using your techniques and honesty has helped me with the man in my life right now. He even watches your videos so we can discuss then together.
    Happy Holidays!

  9. Hahaha. This is just too real. Definitely the last relationship I was in. I almost feel like some of the behaviours are precursors to more abusive tendencies (like saying one thing and then pretending we never had that conversation or making things up and pretending we DID have that conversation – e.g., sending texts about ‘jumping in’, and then saying ‘we were never dating’ when we had a conversation about dating. – feels like gaslighting).

    I have no doubt my MPI is now pulling the same wounded routine with someone else to help ease the blow I know I caused to his ego when I ended things.

  10. Hahaha :D Yes! The last guy I was dating started to read between the lines and making up things about my personality. When I told him that all he was saying had nothing to do with the reality he told me that I cannot rebut everything he says. And of course, we couldn’t have a conversation about him saying that something has changed in him and he had a change of heart about us dating.

  11. Freaking hilarious. Lived it. Probably your funniest video Matt and I love them all. Got to the point tho. Keep up the good work

1 2

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

All-Time POPULAR Posts