The Attraction Formula

Attraction is something that can be learned; it’s not something set in stone.

There’s a myth that we’re either attractive or we’re not – or that someone can either be attracted to us or not.

In reality, I’ve found that life’s not so simple. It’s not that black and white.

Have you ever become attracted to someone who wasn’t your type?

That’s because attraction has a formula. There’s a science to it, which is what I want to go through with you today. I want you to come to believe that attraction is possible to influence.

You can have someone who is constantly attractive in one environment, and you can put them in another environment and they’re not.

Have you ever gone out and felt that you were getting so much attention one night, but the next you didn’t get any?

This didn’t happen because you looked so different on each of the two nights. There are things you can do to change and improve your appearance of course, but there are other factors at play.

(Photo: Eriwst)

Here is the formula you need to know for creating deep and lasting attraction…

1) Visual Chemistry

People think this is just about how you look, and it’s not true. It’s about how you’re perceived.

It’s about how you walk, talk, move, what your body language conveys – and there’s a lot we can do in each of these to influence how attractive we are perceived to be.

2) Perceived Challenge

This is what people are really talking about when they talk about the idea of ‘playing hard to get’.

Men want to feel that they are earning you every step of the way. They want to feel that you’re attainable, but there are steps they have to go through to earn your attraction.

3) Perceived Value

Perceived value is what you have about you that is really worth something. This might be to do with personality traits that you have, the lifestyle you have – something that makes a guy think to himself, ‘this woman has value to add to my life’.

4) Connection

Connection is when the two of you truly feel like you relate. This comes mostly from understanding.

–’Do I feel understood by this person? And do I understand them?’
–’Do our beliefs, ideas and ways of thinking relate?’

This is what creates connection. And notice that you can have all of the first three components without any connection. That’s why connection is such a vital piece in the formula.


What did you think!? Intrigued by this idea?

The book is where I’ve really attempted to give a lot of detail on this, and where I’ve been able to talk about this at length. If you’re interested in learning more about this, the book is your chance to do so.

>>Pre-order your copy of Get The Guy now…

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78 Replies to “The Attraction Formula”

  • Hi Matthew!
    Thank you for that wonderful video! I agree with you 100% many times I find I get 1-3 but 4 is missing, and obviously the relationship goes no where.

    Looking forward to the 9th for the book release and the 13th in NYC!!
    Best of luck on this amazing time in your life!

  • Part 2 “perceived challenge” really made me think (and regret, haha!) Thanks again, Matt!!

    Early in this current relationship of mine I made a decision not to “play games” (incl. playing hard to get), but now I feel like it might be a problem – that perhaps I’m being too available and that’s what’s turning him off.

    I wonder, is it too late to create “perceived challenge” after 6 months?? (Is this relationship doomed?) All the other 3 steps seem to be more or less in order…

  • Hi! I really like your videos and would like to read anything you publish :D Will your book be available in Europe?

  • I am not adept at the perceived challenge thing if I like a guy a it critical to change that?and how do you go about doing the perceived challenge thing if it’s not your personality? ~ x

  • I love this. Attraction is a formulae, not something that just happens; after watching this video, I can see how I have previously created attraction both intentionally and unintentionally as well as moments where I got it wrong.

    As always, your advice has been invaluable.

    Thank u
    Millie x

    Ps. Your book is going to do well in the US. It’s so different to everything else.

  • I read your book when it first came out, and I am now reading it again!
    Little changes are starting to happen, and it is all thanks to me (and you ;)!). Inspiring book in every way!

    Thank you for sharing your enthusiasm, your advice and your precious time with us puzzled ladies (!) The guy puzzle is starting to take a nice shape. Then again there will always be room for many more pieces as I take the driver seat and love learn and live at full!

    All the best from London!

  • Hey, thx for your Video. I am learning so much from you. I bet you have written a great book but since I am student, I can`t afford it. :((((
    I will follow your news. And thx again.

  • Hi Matt
    This is exactly what I need in my life I often go confused about what guys think about me! And how to make them attrected to me ! Now that i watched ur video i am ready to go out and test it ! Thank u so much dear !
    Big hug from Morocco !!

  • This is so, very true. There’s this guy who is so good looking, but he’s very boring and that makes me just not interested. Then there’s this other guy who is not as good looking, but just the way his personality is and his confidence and how he walks and talks, makes me so much more attracted. I’d rather date the second guy I decribed. When you’re genuinely interested in someone, it’s not just about looks. It matters more about how you carry yourself. I agree with you 100 percent.

  • This is such a good advice and so true. I did realize when some guys told me they wanted to get to know me it was for more than just my looks (which I don’t feel so sure about most of the time).
    It’s also true that people like to earn things, even after being in a relationship, if things go wrong and you give in as soon as he says something nice or tries to make up it might work the first time. But if he screws up big time again and you give in just as easily at some point it’s not gonna work so well, some also want to earn that chance. However it’s not easy to be challenging when you are dying to fix things, still it’s necessary sometimes.

    I can’t wait to get your book because you give such true and useful advices for any aspect of life. Hopefully you get to transalate your books to other languages.

    A fellow translator.

  • this guy i like is really nice to me in person but by text he seems cold, and very matter-of-fact. to the point that it hurts my feelings because he wont joke or be playful or even send a smiey face there. it always leaves me feeling like he must be mad at me about something. should i flat out ell him that his txting mannerism is bothering me or will he find this annoying, weak or needy
    (we are not in a relationship)
    novalee truesdell

    1. Some people see texting as a chore, not something pleasurable. I have a friend that I adore, but her emails and texts are always short and to the point, not at all the way she is in person. So, if he is nice in person, I wouldn’t take his to the point texts too seriously. And, I definitely wouldn’t tell him that it bothers you.

  • I wish I knew this formula sooner! I just realized I’ve screwed up the perceived challenge part of the formula too many times in my life! Now I know and promise myself not to repeat my old mistakes. Can’t wait to start reading the book! Almost April 9! Yay!

  • Hi Matthew,
    The formula works very well indeed. However, could you go a bit more into details into how to sell oneself without talking too much about oneself ? I think you did say in your blog ” five ways that are killing his attraction for you” that it’s not a good idea to talk much about oneself.
    Now, thanks to your advice, I’m getting to near perfection about avoiding generic questions as much as possible and try to get to know who the person is. However, I’m either tongue-tied or get carried away by passion when I talk about myself. How can i remedy that and find a balance ?

    Thanks for your advice


  • Yep, i see i’ve reallyyy screwed up the perceived challenge part wayyy to many tmes. not because i didn’t have a life of my own because i was always too willing to readjust and reschedule my own things for the other person!

    i definitely see now the error of my ways!!
    trying to change that IMMEDIATLY!:)

    Keep up the good work

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