Men And Sex: What You Need To Know (feat. Lewis Howes)

I sat down with my friend Lewis Howes (host of the School Of Greatness podcast) to discuss why certain men become “eternal bachelors” and what this means for you as a woman in the dating scene. If you want to know how to spot which guys to date when it comes to finding commitment, you need to see this…

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39 Responses to Men And Sex: What You Need To Know (feat. Lewis Howes)

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  1. Simran SINGH says:

    Hie Matthew, I can’t find a post where you talk about sexual issues.
    I’ve met a man. He’s really a very good person and I like him very much but he has a “lasting” issue in sex. He can’t last more than 30 sec and it’s really frustrating for me. Sex is an important part of a relatinship as you’ve said but how to deal with this ? I’m thinking of stoping seeing him but I don’t want to miss such a man and I don’t want to hurt him because he knows.
    Please tell me what do you think ?
    Thanks a lot :)

  2. Alma says:

    I think every man uses this mask, that’s why the famous male compulsion to conquer, even when it’s something unworthy. The reason why is because the society doesn’t allow men to be honest and vulnerable. And it’s something human, beyond the male-female contradictions, ’cause wimen also act like this sometimes. I wonder how could I prevent my son and my daugther from suffering such lack of self respect and love.

  3. fatima says:

    these r realy good.tnx..

  4. elis says:

    wow..I am tottaly wearing a sexual mask…Matt could you PLEASE make a video about women in their early 20s approaching-flirting-dating men in their 30s?I’ve been hurt in the past by a guy 14ys older than me who was playing me so now I really dont know..Can a man in his 30s be seriously interested in a 20yr old girl?How can I approach a man in that age group?I am always affraid no matter how matture I know I am among peers,that I’ll look silly ,stupid or childish just because of my age…I would really love your opinion on this .Lots of love,you;ve helped me SO much with your work <3

  5. Ana says:

    Well-spoken and useful video.

  6. Nicola Robyn shipard says:

    Matthew i need help! ive been watching you for years now and things are finally coming together for me, i have stopped my old ways of click and collect pleasure then wondering why it never feels fulfilling. Big things have changed and so have I…. and there is this incredible guy, he is kind and so very much like me. We flirt well and i always find either one of us gravitating towards each other, he even stayed at my 21st even though he had been up for 24 hours prior. but the problem is his name! it is my brothers name but thankfully i hardly ever call my brother by his name. It was weird at first (but strangely enough this has happened before and i self sabotaged very hard by ignoring it all together) How do i let him know that i don’t find it that weird? that he is so intensely his own person that when i see him it does not feel weird at all (plus i have nick named him the sexy camera man). I want to ask him out, possibly ice skating but i am scared. We work together on film sets and have a lot of mutual friends who are rather new friends to me. I am trying to find a cheeky way to use your “this is why we could never date” but i am nervous it will be too legit of a reason.
    All my love, come to australia, Nicola <3

  7. Shawna says:

    Wow, you mean men are people too with baggage? LOL but seriously I have wasted so much time and heartache on this type of man and honestly I don’t see them a mile away as you said. Could you lay out some more examples and subtleties men display that let me know they’re wearing the sexual mask? Thanks

  8. Priya Punjabi says:

    Hi Matthew,

    I am so happy that I followed your blog at the most low time of my life when all my relationships have failed miserably and i was wondering what went wrong.

    Your videos not only enlightened my perspective but also saved from a very close toxic relationship I was about commit to which might have destructed my emotions forever.

    I can`t thank you enough!

  9. Tamara says:

    Hi Matthew!
    Thanks for bringing this, Matthew! ^^ I love your work. I remember you had an interview with Lewis Howes the first time. I bought his book too. He is amazing too! It was great then. It is great again! Thank you for this interesting content. Keep up the good work!

    Love, Tamara

  10. Rapunzel says:

    This was the kind of guy I dated before. We were in a relationship for four years and had ended when he told me that he will never marry anyone. It was actually painful because I wasted my time. But then years later, I realized that I have learned from it. After that relationship with him, I still don’t see the right guy which I can start with.

  11. denisenelson says:

    thank you matthew hussey that was a particularly good video, really meant something to me to think about. good work, denise

  12. Cheryl Williams says:

    I couldn’t help notice the body language between the both of you, which was mirrored and you both wore almost identical clothes.

  13. Holli says:

    This is one of the BEST videos. Esp when you share with women what our WORK is in order to help facilitate change in the world and between the sexes. Thank you. Sharing wide!!!

    And still would love to hear you talk more about the 2nd type of the 3 type of men:
    1) those that never will change
    2) ***those that change temporarily, transactional!!!!!***
    3) those that change.

  14. Sue says:

    Wow Matt. This hit home. I was in a 5yr relationship with a 30yr old man who I didn’t know was emotionally immature until year 4, when I was 30 and he was 32. When I met the man, he seemed to be confident with himself. He had goal to go back and finish college and become more of a professional. I was always super supportive. Once he started accomplishing those goals and people around him who didn’t believe in him would suddenly turn to him and praise him for achieving his goals, his attitude started changing in our relationship. Our relationship then shifted from me being with a man who was into commitment and had wanted to start a family to being with a man that wanted to go out dancing and doing things I did when I was in my early to mid 20s. (He craved the attention and party scene usually people have when they are in their 20s). soon he started talking about how he wasn’t about commitment and didn’t believe in marriage. I took it really hard and tried to save our relationship by trying to have conversations where I would talk about self sabotage and whatever I knew at the time about awareness. Obviously it didn’t work. Then one day he came and he told me he was falling in love with some girl he had just met. It was then I knew that I couldn’t do it anymore because I was emotionally tired of his emotional immaturity. I knew he wasn’t in love with a girl he met but I also knew that he was doing everything in his power to push me away because he wanted to be free and continue to stroke his ego. We still run into each other because we are part of the same church. He tries to reach out to me because he wants my attention, but I do my best to ignore it now bc he’s not in a healthy. It was way harder year one we broke up, but much easier now for me to stick to my guns and standards when he says he will call and he doesn’t — I’m learning not to text back and follow-up bc I don’t want to be interpreted as the passive aggressive gal.

  15. Elizabeth Przybysz says:

    All very fine, but I am 37. Men my age who are mature are already in meaningful relationships.
    Second, the “fake” guy can fake being mature, cause this is what they know the girls want. So they lure you into this maturity image, and after a while “realise” this is not for them…

  16. Victoria says:

    Well done you! I loved the raw content and the shift in perspective when it comes to relationships, attraction, and the male brain. I always kind suspected something like this was going on but to have it broken down in such an elegant way was much appreciated.

  17. Neela Chase says:

    This was a very good interview. It reinforce what I already felt about men who cheat. That there are other things going on that have nothing to do with their partner. Thanks Mathew

  18. Tammy says:

    What I don’t understand is why it’s accepted for guys to have been affected by past heartbreaks while many men have so little tolerance for women with so-called “baggage”? Women have been hurt too, and it’s true that some unfairly act out because of it. It’s frustrating that those of us who want to try again at love despite having been hurt have to deal with being labeled as damaged goods to be avoided. It so often seems the expectation to yank ourselves up by the bootstraps is heavier on ladies than it is on men.

  19. Selene says:

    *Gets up and claps* And that’s how I stopped to chase the cute guys that every women chase. These beautiful boys chase me instead.

  20. Susan McK. says:

    Recognized that mask in a guy I used to date as you two discussed it. Thank you for bringing my attention to this book. I will buy it (is there an affiliate’s link to it here somewhere?). For the first time Ever, Friday night I met a kind short available guy my age with his s*** together, and I credit you with my recognizing him. Thanks for the work you do. You really make a difference.

  21. Katy says:

    Toxic masculinity.

  22. Alison says:

    All I can say is Jesus hit the nail on the head! Truely opened my eyes! Great bonus to have Lewis and another male perspective. Great team work in this video. Loved it!

  23. Luky Cawarra says:

    Oh, you’re so smart, Matt :)
    Thanks for shifting the perspective,

  24. Jolene says:

    What’s your sexual mask?

  25. Karrie says:

    Loved watching the video as i am currently in this situation right now. I jave reconnected with a man that i used to know many years ago. Upon our first meeting we talked about our past relationships. Why am i not with my husband anymore and why is he still single. It was make not so clear to me that he was with someone and she up and broke things off outta the blue and is now married to someone else.
    I believe he felt love for this person and she broke his heart. The issue now is we get along so well have lots in common but he will not give me anymore than casual encounters. I feel he has put a wall up and is afraid of getting hurt. Now i have 2 choices. I can stay and accept only casual encounters with this man or i can walk away. The problem i have with walking away is i know one day i am going hear that all of a sudden he is in a relationship with someone and it will be with someone who is totally not right for him and i will be sitting there thinking. Why was i not good enough for that relationship. So i essentially feel like i am stuck between a rock and a hars place because i want more which i dont get but i love being with him when we do get together and i dont want to loose that. Any advice you can offer would be great.

  26. Kim Grossman says:

    Thank you, Matthew. I am looking forward to reading that book. This video rocked. I do have to say, you need to put those freaking thighs away. Good lord, man. I was trying to be studious and a proper lady being attentive. Stop that. Put those away. As you mention in your book, I am DEFINITELY not supposed to see you like that. ;-) Wowzers. Always great to see your videos. Miss you all. I need to get to another retreat, stat.

  27. Rani Henderson says:

    , I’m a huge fan of your work matt, seeing Lewis was a bonus as I love his work too. Cannot wait to see you guys live someday X

  28. Julie MacKenzie says:

    Enjoyed that video! Thanks Matthew…Hugs!

  29. S. Wanee says:

    I loved the vedio !
    Bang on spot ! Great advice brother .. thank u

  30. Dee says:

    Matt I enjoyed the conversation. Thanks for the insight into an issue with me that is so profound and can be hurtful to women.

  31. Christina says:

    Thanks for being you&doing what you are doing Matt.

    You and Lewis are teaching incredible insight.
    LoVe Lewis’s ‘The school of greatness’.

    Check it out lovely peeps.

  32. Faizah says:

    This is a very interesting conversation.

  33. Cathy says:

    This video really hits home for me. I have been in a “relationship” (that is, on a regular dating/sexual encounter schedule) with a man for almost 4 years, who does not want to commit. A few times I have heard him lament that he never really dated when he was younger, was a virgin until his late twenties, pretty much married his first love, etc., etc., basically feeling sorry for himself, as it he missed out on something. Also, shortly before we met, he did fall hopelessly in love for probably the first time ever, but the relationship did not work and eventually it dissolved. I don’t think he has ever really recovered from that experience, and so he holds back emotionally. Why do I keep seeing him? I don’t know how to explain it, really. I just can’t bear the thought of not having him in my life. I should be smarter than this–I have a wonderful career, a supportive family, so why can’t I just walk away?

  34. Cleopatra says:

    Thank you for clarifying this! I always thought maybe we needed to help and understand all men who have these masks. After having dated 3-4 chauvinists– I’m done. Emancipated, loving guys are hard to come by, but I’m attempting to throw out a wider net into the sea of love.

    Thank you Matthew!

  35. Jamie says:

    Could you possibly sit more awkwardly close to each other? That would be great, thanks.

  36. Bernie says:

    Dear Matthew,
    You are so incredible, thank you sooo much for making this video. I have been questioning this phenomena in ages and with your help Ive founded thousands of answers. This is the thing what nobody knows, so your friends can not give you an advice, nor even guys themselves can’t answer to this ”I want you to come and have a connection with me, but at the same time I’ll push you away” kinda behavior.
    Thank you again!

  37. A. says:

    Can’t wait to see the full interview on Fast Track!

  38. Yasmeen says:

    Thank you sir! This was indeed a helpful video. I would also like to learn more about relationships and get good tips for my married life.

  39. Andrea says:

    Hi Matt, thanks for this video. Lewis’ book sounds quite interesting. I think the most important take away from this video is what you said at the end…if we want to make a significant change in men’s behaviour, then as women, we need to stop rewarding the player types with our attention and instead let them see that the women they want to be with would actually prefer to be with a man who is interested in something more committed and real. It makes perfect sense. Unfortunately, this can be challenging when there is intense physical attraction or chemistry with the player type. At my age, (and someone is going to lash out at me for saying this, but…) most of the physically attractive good guys are taken, leaving only the player type eternal bachelors to choose from.

    I know physical attraction isn’t everything in a relationship, but without it, you have just another friend, and I already have lots of those :) So I end up interested in younger men who are not interested in anything real with me because of my age (over 40). I wish I could recalibrate my brain chemistry to be sexually attracted to a different set of physical traits than what is naturally programmed in our biology due to evolution. (And yes, occasionally people grow on me, but that has not worked out either). Anyway, I will try harder from now on not to give my time and attention to the eternal bachelors…if not for my own sake, then for the sake of the next generation. Let’s make a change. :)

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