3 Steps To Become A Great Conversationalist

Today I want to converse with you about conversing.

I want to talk about better ways of giving value in conversation than going in and asking mundane questions.

The story I began this video with has been a beautiful way of starting conversations for me this past week.

(Please excuse the awful American accent. It’s the best I had in me today.)

The way I began is how you can begin conversations this week. Rather than beginning with small talk, jump straight into a story and start talking about theories you have of things.

When someone asks, “how are you?” this is a great time to lead into a story instead of a logical answer to a question.

When I’ve been introduced to a group of people at a party for instance, I’ve been able to go in and say, “Hey guys, you’ve got to settle this for me. Is this normal?…”

The truth is, the world is made up of really sh*tty conversationalists.

When we go into conversation, too many people sit back waiting for the other people they’re with to lead in being a good conversationalist.

Rather than thinking you have to fall back on a generic set of topics and questions, forget all of that.

Instead, apply these three steps…

1) Get out of your head

Don’t be inside your own head thinking too much. You want to be expressing opinions and talking about the things going on around you.

2) Pay attention

Pay attention to what’s happening around you.

–What clothes are people wearing? Is there a pattern to what people are doing? Is it quiet? Is it loud? Is there anything weird happening?

3) Have opinions

Opinions give other people license to talk and are a great way to evoke responses from other people. Have opinions of things going on around you. They also help get people out of their heads.

Question of the day: Can you remember a great way someone started a conversation with you? What did they do/say?


To learn more about conversation and how to steer things forward to a place of building chemistry and attraction with a guy, check out my online home study course The Man Myth.

103 Responses to 3 Steps To Become A Great Conversationalist

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  1. Carly says:

    Ha! I just wanted to tell you Matthew that you nailed the lame American guy accent! Nice work!! :D

  2. vigrx jelq says:

    It’s an awesome paragraph designed for all the internet viewers; they will take advantage from it I am sure.

  3. Christy says:

    What a great sense of humor, Matthew!! You did a great impersonation of an American accent and the ending was hilarious! :)

  4. Diane says:

    Ok, so I just saw this on your blog and I am commenting now and am hoping for a reply.
    So the last man that I was in a relationship with was less intelligent than I had first given him credit for. Towards the end of our relationship he made a statement to me that he thought that I was too opinionated. Well, obviously I am not going to change that about myself and the already crumbling relationship was now on a rapid downward spiral. I am tired of meeting men that want to change me. They are attracted to me in the first place for who I am and then down the road they want to change things about me. Example, I don’t like eating red meat yet almost every man I meet says that he is going to get me to like red meat. What is up with that? My point is about you stating that it is good to have an opinion for good conversation. I guess that I am meeting the wrong men.

    • Ivy says:

      Hi Diane,

      If the guy really cares about you, he wouldn’t try to change you, unless your behavior is detrimental to you or someone else. That being said, I’ve dated plenty of guys and have plenty of friends who would ensure that the places I go would have the vegetarian dishes I enjoy. So don’t worry; there are guys who respect your beliefs. Plus, red meat aids in the development of breast and colon cancer.

      Best wishes to you and hope you can find that special guy.

  5. Ximena says:


  6. Whitney says:

    Matthew, this is perfect! These tips will really help me out in the long run! Thank you so much!

  7. ryan says:

    Your place is valueble for me. Many thanks!

  8. Learning says:

    As always love your stuff. Just wanted to share that I FINISHED my master’s thesis and so I am happy about that. : ) Passed my oral examinations on Thursday and finished all of the edits this morning. So, I am excited. Thanks for the hints and encouragements that you gave me on here about getting over procrastination. Peace.

  9. JK says:

    I just impressed the hell out of people at a networking event by simply walking up to groups and starting off with some unconventional (albeit fun) questions, as you suggested. In fact, the most interesting part was that as soon as I started engaging them this way, they were very intent on finding out who I was. I never had that reaction before! Pretty neat insight. Thank you!

  10. Elizabeth says:

    Matt I am so glad to hear that you think curiosity is attractive and a “good look” because it is definitely something which I have in abundance. Since I am curious, I have to ask what language it was that you were speaking? Was it Chinese and if so, how/where did you learn the language? I was really impressed especially since, at least here in the States, Chinese is not one of the more common languages taught. Good for you!

  11. Priscille says:

    Hi Matt,

    I really liked this video on 3 steps to be a great conversationalist. Something I needed to hear. I’ve been told I’m always in my own head. I’ve also struggled with conversation with everyone from friends and family, worst of all when meeting guys. These 3 steps have made me seen the light ‘so to speak’ (pun intended hehehe!)

    Thank you,

  12. Anya says:

    If you don’t already, please teach more guys out there to be better conversationalists for that first time they talk to a girl!

    Would like to build the confidence to be the one to talk first but would be great if guys also felt confident about talking to girls in the natural way you show in this video…

  13. Sarah says:

    Thank you Matt, this was brilliant!

  14. Louise says:

    I love this! I have conversations for a living (teach English to foreign students and a lot of them want to improve their speaking). But sometimes it’s hard to break down the shyness barrier and I also feel like I ask too many questions which can make them uncomfortable or self-conscious. This is really helpful and will make it more fun for them and me.

    PS love the Californian accent but do you always carry around a land line phone…? (:

  15. Ruth McAuley says:

    Your funniest one yet!! was splitting my sides with laughter! Classic.. I work in a juice bar!!! ;)

  16. Rachel says:

    Hi Matt,
    Great video!! Loves it
    Question: I am a francophone and sometimes, when I have a little, on the go, conversation with a guy, I start to forget what I was going to say. My mind starts going back to French. So as I stumble for my words, I say something like “Sorry, I am losing my english” or “I keep thinking in French”. I feel it is something cute, but I’ve only gotten about a 50% good response so far.

    Am I right to think it’s cute and might start a conversation? Or is it a bad way to try to get a guy to empathize with me?

    Not sure what to think.

    If not Matt, anyone else has any opinion?


  17. Michelle says:

    Hi Matthew,

    Thank you for another wonderful (and extremely funny) video. By the way, your Classic American Stoner Douchebag accent was pretty spot on. The problem is, as you may have discovered, LA people are pretty rude. Especially around the Hollywood area where I live in that seems to exemplify rudeness with a close second in Beverly Hills and Silverlake, not counting tourists. (I’m a native Angeleno and still to this day think about moving to another city sometimes – and looking at your videos, we live in the same area, hey neighbor!) :D Trying to start a conversation either makes me crazy or I attract the crazies. Also there are a lot of men who go out of their way to berate a woman and I guess living in this city gets you jaded.

    I sometimes feel I may be too aggressive or opinionated that is hurting my conversation starters. It’s not like I open my mouth and talk about religion or politics. I feel like having worked in the industry has made me sort of a hard-ass when it comes to chit-chat since I always hated that. Also, I have mild Aspergers which I’m not sure is getting in the way. Like I’m hyper-observant, guessing for making up from my lack of talking (socially), yet I will still say what I feel and “get out of my head” as you say.
    Am I doing something wrong?

    I’m also reading your book; it’s really great. I did try to setup a consultation but never got a call back.

    Thanks again and keep up the great work!

  18. Em says:

    Mat, just curious,Do you find yourself over analyzing woman when you are on a date? If I was having a conversation with you, I would probably feel like being under microscope

    Most of the time talking to people who are more experienced in life or more successful, they tend to be more PC, but they just cant help themselves…hard to see how the person really is

  19. Skye says:

    Matt, you know when you go to bed in a hotel room and they’ve made up the bed for you to get in and they put that little chocolate on the pillow? You know the one… you would never eat one at home but somehow that’s exactly what you feel like when you go to bed at a hotel. Weird, I know. Anyway… you’re like my little chocolate on the pillow when you come up with these little blogs – I SO enjoy them! They’re the best thing I could have before I go to bed (Minus the calories – double bonus!)

    I’ve been following your blogs and other online videos (and yes, I bought the programme AND the book and I’ll probably buy anything you put in the market from now on) and my life has been SO much brighter and happier since I found you. Seriously.

    Mr The One is not in my life yet but it’s only been a few weeks at MH school of love – so just give me a few more, ok? It’s oh so close! And I’ve been having so much fun with all your techniques! I love it! And I really do have you to thank for it. You’re already invited to my engagement party, wedding and birth of my first born. If you keep gracing me with your little bedtime chocolates, I might even have to give him Matthew as his middle name… but don’t get ahead of yourself just yet. (Mmm… in retrospect, who’s getting ahead? Anyway…)

    So yeah… THANK YOU. You’re such a legend! And ps… make a little gap in your diary to visit us in Cape Town one day!

  20. Tanya says:

    Thanks Matt,
    This is great advice: Be yourself and be interesting!!!

  21. Eliz says:

    I think you are a genius at communicating healthy ways for all people to grow. BUT! You already told this story on an internet radio broadcast! lol! I just listened to it the other day.You used a different location as the location if I recall.;) I understand you want a “jumping off” point for your blogs, but talking as if it just happened makes you look like a liar…just sayin’
    Still love you though! xo

  22. Carmel says:

    This video was the funniest one you’ve made. I’ve had several people ask to use my phone, but I always say no or just hold my phone with both hands and continue walking fast because some people put their hand out towards my phone. I only do this now because similar situation happened to me when they said “This girl in front of me is rushing me off the phone right now sooo yeah.” I lost my mind. Makes for a funny story later though.

    At a bar the other night, I just slipped and put my hand on the bar and the guy next to me, which by the way was my target of the night, opened conversation with “There’s a line you know?” and smirked. Then I playfully responded with “Looks like you’re behind me now then.” Then we continued to talk from there. I usually hear “What are you drinking tonight?” or “Can I buy you a drink?” or “I like your outfit” or “I dig your eye make-up”, but his line was great because it gave me a chance to respond without replying with a yes or no or thank you answer.

    Another one today in my work elevator was when a guy opened with “So there’s someone preaching on the corner. So how about that for your morning?” We ended up talking on the way to his cookie stop, which was on the way to my coffee stop.

    Now, I want to be the one to open the conversations first, but when I open my mouth, the weirdest things come out and I end up laughing at myself.

    Matthew, you wear the American accent well. It’s hot.

  23. clara66 says:

    hi Matt
    this has come at exactly the right time! I’m working hard on your 3 months program, on the back of your London weekender. I’ve discovered my sticking point. I can do the conversation A’s and B’s just get stuck on the C’s, D’s and E’s! So this has given me a whole new angle to try. Thank you. Might even try it with the American accent aswell ;)

  24. Janet says:

    The american accent is great, well done!

    I was trying my best to get out of my head and express my opinion on things but some people are just not so intested in what you have to say and of you’re stupid remarks. They are one sided and thinks highly of themselves. Sometimes I’m in the wrong crowd so I just go by myself and keep my opinions to myself unless I’m being asked. Is it me or is it them?

  25. Kira says:

    I see what you’re doing here. :) You’re asking us what we think about this guy and opening up a conversation.

    As for what I think about it, I’d either feel a bit annoyed or amused or maybe even astounded. Like, what? I don’t get it. Why would he tell me one thing and do another? But then I’d come up with several possible reasons that it may have occurred this way. He could have been under a lot of stress and changed his mind on what was important at that moment. Like he meant to call for a ride but having the opportunity to patch things up with his girlfriend proved far too tempting. Maybe he figured you wouldn’t have offered your phone had he told you the real reason. Or maybe he felt that the main reason would be too difficult to explain so he substituted it with a secondary concern he was having. Or his girlfriend was his intended ride but he knew she was upset and thought he’d need to apologize first.

    Based on his comment, “There’s this guy in front of me.” as well as the context of the call, it sounds to me like he has a hard time communicating efficiently. So he might have felt pressured and didn’t know how else to address it.

    Well, it could have been anything and I could probably go even deeper into this but I’d probably do what you did and then later on contemplate it.

  26. Angela says:

    By the way, your impression of a guy from the states is “spot on” and funny as hell!

  27. Angela says:

    Lol! Okay, a guy from the states already knows the reason the guy who borrowed his phone
    said, “This guy in front of me…” is because he’s embarrassed to admit to his girlfriend that he’s borrowing someone’s phone because he doesn’t have one. A guy from the states will also know the guy who borrowed his phone didn’t ask for the ride because he realized his girlfriend is going to see right through the apology as a way to get a ride from her and she’ll be pissed. Not that the guy from the states would actually feel that sorry for another guy. He’d probably just be thinking, “What a prick” or “What a dipshit.” Outside of that and being irritated if he has to get to work or school, I doubt that he’d give it much more thought than that. A woman might think about it a bit more, because here’s this guy who obviously doesn’t have it together when it comes to women. Myself, I’d probably think it was kind of funny but be irritated at the same time. It would be an “Lol! Dude what the fuck was that!” sort of reaction.

  28. Kathryn Green says:

    You are right, being a great conversationalist is about getting out of your head. It is only then you can add value rather than reeling off lists of things. I think your personality and sense of humour come into play then.
    That story is great because it is so funny and you are sending yourself up a bit. But you do that a lot, it is very endearing and one of the reasons we love you so much.
    I was flicking through the channels last night and ended up watching the film ‘Somethings Gotta Give’ Their interactions interested them only when they became emotive rather than list off the things they had looked up on the Internet!
    Such a funny film.
    Kathryn xx

    • Kathryn says:

      In the film he also alludes to her uniqueness and it is not until she embraces her uniqueness that they can fall in love. I am also very excited to see what you tell us about the ‘rare gemstone’ effect : ) x

  29. Jill says:

    I have to be honest I didn’t listen to the whole thing but I have been in situations like that before and I just simply say “Hey I’ve gotta go give me my phone” If that doesn’t work I just give them the death look and they immediately hand it over. I seem to have a way of making faces that lets others know I mean business.
    On another note I had to add the other day I was on my way to Sony Studios and I was at the light right there by In-N-Out and I see a guy holding a sign that said FOOD so I immediately thought “Oh I have this orange that I’m going to eat later but instead I’m going to give it to him” I roll down my window hand it to him he says thanks TURNS around and throws it the length of an American football field…Serious that far!! Needless to say I had a few choice words then drove on reminding myself that karma is a B!+(h and hopefully someone who really needed food was at the other end. I know that was insanely random but I had to throw that in considering it happened in LA. I guess that was my official welcome. Oh I almost forgot I told him he was an ass and he blew me a kiss. What is this world coming to?
    Anyway I hope someone got something out of that

  30. Sandra says:

    :) oh you poor man, I wouldn’t have given my phone to anyone random unless it was in an emergency. Hahaha! I’m mean I guess, i would have told him that this isn’t a free public telephone booth.. :p surprising the Gf even bothered to take that call from an unknown number lol! The worlds filled with all sorts.. :D
    Very few people can make and hold interesting conversations.. My question to you is how would u start an interesting conversation with your ” maybe” futur in laws ??

  31. Bianca says:

    I let random people borrow my phone all the time. Then again I use a cheap phone, so mine’s easy to replace.

    I’m pretty good at conversation, and I have plenty of crazy stories I like to use to start things up and get a reaction. One of an old friend going home with a stripper to get chased off by her armed boyfriend, and another faking a pregnancy for several months to keep baby daddy, while planning to marry baby daddy’s cousin, all the time never being pregnant. I have plenty of true stories like these for some weird reason.


    I’m pretty good at starting conversations, but I’m also just that bubbly, and not just with sarcasm.

    I love your videos, and I don’t think you should try to do the whole American accent thing. Most ladies I know love foreign accents, so if anything it makes us want to listen to you more. :)

  32. Carla says:

    Great video! I’m working on getting to one of your lifestyle retreats soon – from what I’ve researched, it seems like it will be an awesome experience. I’m hoping to get to some core issues there and break through some roadblocks that have been holding me back (well, at least one or two!). By the way – the accent was pretty good – plus you said “dude” at one point in the conversation, which officially makes you an American ;)


  33. Jen says:

    I am a polite kind of gal, but in this case I would run away from this guy thinking F this. Love your advice as always! looking forward to more :)

    • andie says:

      I too consider myself a polite kinda gal…but I totally would’ve let him borrow my phone…due for an upgrade had he made off with it. look for positive outlooks in possible negative situations kinda gal..love ya Matty

  34. Raquel Martínez says:

    Wonderful video Matt!! And I complexly agree conversations suck! Me:hey how’s it going? Other: good then awkward silene and the who/what/where questions start ugh I think it’s best if people relax I think especially when they’re interested in someone they (at least i do) get tense and words escape my head any good stories and practice are out lol!

    With that being Said some Of my best conversations have been when I’m relax and not expecting anything in return ??weird?? I think not

    I talk to people all the time it’s part of my job so I’m just so tired of talking sometimes but great practice for when I met the guy

    Thanks Matt! I’m always looking foward towards for your emails!! This one took a while I’m like where’s Matt???!!!

    Always inspiring :-D

  35. MW says:

    This is great. I hate small talk, so I usually find myself trying to avoid people who come up to me and start boring conversations…not nice, I know, but I reaaaally hate small talk.lol Interesting stories are much better.

  36. ellen says:

    Hi Matthew!!

    I have no words to say how relieved I feel reading this article and watching the video.
    I’ve always believed somehow that how you describe it, is a great way of making ends meet in a group of people, …
    The last couple of years I’ve been holding myself back a little bit and went out less because I thought I was the weirdo.. I was disappointed in people and their ways of being ‘shy’, acting intimidated, never asking anything, not being interested or having anything to say, and I got a bit scared they might have thought I drew attention to myself, which I never believed was in an inappropriate way…
    Last week a friend reminded me of my good social skills and story telling, and reading this I feel so much more confident than I have in months… The only thing I missed was the ‘out of my head’ part I guess :-)
    You’re great!!

  37. Si says:

    Actually, your American accent was pretty good.

  38. Kamilla says:

    I love this! Never be predictable! Always stimulating!

    (Btw that guy with your phone was TOTALLY weird! Doesnt matter what country your in/from. Thats no excuse! Haha! )

  39. Corvida says:

    Starting conversations is my favorite thing! I feel like it gives me an opportunity to put people at ease. Today I went to the bike shop and told the employees there I was in the market for a mountain bike but wanted to test a road bike in addition just to remind myself why I don’t like them. They took this as a challenge (of course) and spent extra time fitting me to the best bike they had, and we had a very nice afternoon talking about bikes, swimming, and ice cream. As a bonus, they went from looking like tired overworked employees to having a great time.

  40. Karen says:

    This reminds me of improv class. To me it’s very similar to a conversation.
    In improvisation theatre the scene turns out the best when someone just jumps into the story and says (for instance) “What are these llamas doing in the hospital?” In stead of “Hi, my name is..”
    You get to know the characters/people during the scene/conversation anyways.

    Great video :o)

  41. hazeul says:

    Hi math!! thank you for this great video ( as usual)
    to answer your question :
    Yes I’ve met someone in the train ( He was very older than me!!). I didn’t know him I just sit next to him, I was so tired just thinking about some sleep when he asked me : “I see you like to sit next to window to avoid headache!! it happens to me too ” I said eeuh… yes!? and that’s how he kept talking all the way ..I didn’t sleep but I’ve learned a lot from him !

  42. Viola says:

    That’s very funny. . . your reaction :)I would feel that too :) His level of intelligence doesn’t seem as quite the same as yours. His manners, psychologically, point out to the gedo dwelling of his being.

  43. Nicole says:

    I love your videos Matthew! I’m such a fan of yours already (read your book!) but your videos are entertaining and I learn something from every one of them. This story made me laugh. Btw your American accent was pretty darn good – much better than what I would come up with on a whim if I had to do an English accent I’m sure ha! I think I do pretty well with conversations. I naturally like talking about random things or asking random questions ( such as your juice bar example ) because being typical is boring. Not to say that I haven’t probably had some moments of typical conversation but this is a great reminder of course.
    Thanks for keeping me on my toes! I’ll be seeing you soon!
    Much Love and Support!

  44. Stella says:

    Thanx! You look more and more cute in every video. Whatever it is what you’re doing, keep doing it :)
    I remember it was much easier to go into the conversation while had some social lubricant (read: alcohol) in my blood, talking sober is for professionals, I’ve learned.
    I am always fascinated how people can make stories out of nowhere just about the usual stuff what happens and we even had a joke about one of my friends, who was Miss Estonia few years ago. Beautiful Goddess, she was always so excited about everything and therefore we also said to each other: Isn’t it wonderful, the World IS ROUND. Of course we didn’t mean anything bad with that joke, but same time I guess it was a little bit ironic as well.
    It is good to talk to the people if there are amazing things..
    Starting the courses of energy work I sometimes start with some fairy tale or short story as well, it takes people out from their stories and gives some really good advice as well. I just love their reaction, because they expected something very serious to start and then it is all funny instead.
    Sometimes it is easier to come up with something, when I am coming out of comfort zone, that’s why I love traveling. It is good to tell about the stuff what surprises me on the plates of restaurants or what swims in the ocean.
    It IS easy to start a conversation in Tahiti – hey, guys, come to see the shark swimming in the moonlight. No skinny dipping, though ;)

    Thanx again and have wonderful Discernments along the Path!

  45. Hidz says:

    Matth..thank you! I have more to say but I am busy right now however I would love to say this… you are helping me to stay positive, especially during my critical moment. Anyway, you are looking a bit tense in this video, am wishing you the best and stay calm. :)

  46. Yaro says:

    I really love your videos they are really helpfull even thought I’m single but I learn so many things from you
    Thank you :)

  47. andrea says:

    I need your coaching videos in my life! Keep em coming! ;)

  48. Mary says:

    Hold up! The guy borrowed your phone and called his girlfriend? And she answered? She didn’t wonder who’s phone he was using? I hardly ever answer numbers I don’t recognize. That is so crazy! And kind of hilarious! Has she called you looking for him?

    I have to push myself to start conversations with strangers. I do it all the time for my job, so on my off time I end up being much more quiet and kind of aloof so this video was very helpful.


  49. chandrakanthi says:

    heey matthew,

    Great video tip and incredible, amazing story what you’ve experienced!
    unbelievable that someone just like that has a telephone conversation with his girlfriend, with your mobile hilarious story by the way, I like it.
    I would think: “this is a joke, is there a hidden camera somewhere a famous TV program or something?.
    I would respond: surprising and hilarious at the same time.
    And I would politely ask my phone back from him.

    It’s a good gold tip of you, “the third Conversationalist tips”.
    I’m going to practice and see what the efect to the people I know.
    1 question for your Mattew: Can you make a video about: “how can you keep the right balance with your own dream wish to follow / dream job and relationship at the same time?”.

    greetings from chandrakanthi

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Thanks so much for the comment and I love that question! Definitely going to keep it in mind

      Matt x

      • chandrakanthi says:

        heey matthew,

        I appreciate your response, remember; .. “how do you keep the right balance if you follow your dream wish / dream job and relationship at the same time?”. Thank you for making time free to respond to me and that you will remember it, allowing you to find out on this question.
        I wonder what your answer will be to this question!
        have a nice day!

        Remember: “Love is timeless.”

        greetings chandrakanthi

  50. Caitlyn says:

    Hi Matthew,

    Loved your video as always! Conversation is key in all relationships. Don’t have any good tips, but I must say I’m looking forward to the “raciest” video you were working on a couple weeks ago :)

    Hope you have a great week!

  51. Christina P says:

    You should’ve yelled ‘You’re welcome!’ since he didn’t even say thanks for you being kind enough to use your phone.

    Or you could’ve been smart with him and mentioned that you’re a relationship coach since he wanted to make up with his girlfriend on your phone. Then decline him for any help with his relationship.

    PS. You should practice your American accent more often! ;)

  52. Kathleen says:

    Hello Matthew,
    I want to start by saying that I think all your videos are wonderful!!!
    However I had to watch this video twice on account that the first time I watch I did nothing but laugh, not at you mind you, but for the fact that in the late 1500 the word “conversation” was used as slang for S E X :-O so every time you’d say “conversation” I’d laugh.
    Best part ” The truth is, the world is made up of really sh*tty conversationalists.” HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hahaha thanks so much Kathleen, glad you had a chuckle! And that’s an amazing bit of information, something you could surely use to start a new conversation ; )

      Matt x

  53. Nadia says:

    I love the things you say! That was a funny story. :) Since I’ve been dating a little more, I think I’ve gotten to be ok or pretty good with conversation. I love your tips. I used to be more of quiet, shy person, but people don’t really notice anymore. And like you say, I like to notice the things around me, what’s going on, people watching…it’s those little things you notice or see in everyday life that make for good conversation. Thanks, and keep up the excellent work!

    Oh yeah, and I just remember interesting conversations usually start with people telling funny or interesting stories, or asking questions that really make me think, and have to explain my answers.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Haha I couldn’t believe it. Great to hear you’re getting more comfortable with conversing! The more you do it the better you’ll get and the more natural it will feel.

      Matt x

  54. Rainy says:

    Hi Math,

    I love your videos and the suggestions you give! I am about to start a new phase of my life: I am moving to Liverpool (from Italy) to take my masters degree and I would L-O-V-E to see a live event of yours (I seem to have had the same issues for years now i.e. damn friendzone, lack of “core” confidence ect). Unfortunately I cannot attend the 5 days retreat (pecuniary reasons) but I would absolutely adore to see a “shorter” gather type thing. Have you scheduled any of those?

    Thank you for the amazing work. Much love, Rainy

  55. MattYoureAwesome says:

    I literally just finished reading Get the Guy and there were so many emotions while reading. I was happy at the way the book was written and that most of the things (all of the things really) you discusses are what my friends and I talk about all the time. I was angry to find out all this time guys turn their insecurities around on us women. And I was hurt because this book was an eye opener and helped me to see where I have been going wrong with my love life and the truth sometimes hurts. I bought my friends a copy too so thank you Matt for this gift. you’re a Godsend.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      So glad you enjoyed the book, you’re so sweet! It really means SO much to have your support! Thanks you lovely ; )

      Matt x

  56. Matthew Hussey says:

    Thanks for all the comments so far everyone! I love seeing your reaction to these videos each week.

    Do any of you have any conversational tips you want to share here while we’re on the subject??

    Matt x

    • Jenna says:

      Well, I’ve thought it over… Even though this is sort of a given, I’d say that it’s really important to allow yourself to smile and react to what others are saying -not only with words but with emotions. Some people find this difficult; I think it’s about being vulnerable -allowing yourself the freedom to feel empathy or any sort of emotion, when it comes to what you’re hearing from the person you’re conversing with. In order to connect to others while you’re speaking with them, you’ve got to let yourself feel. That requires the whole getting-out-of-your-head, too. But, this will help a person build a rapport with someone else. I know you already know this, but I also know this question is to help others. So, here’s my 5 cents!

      • Rumors says:

        Very well said, Jenna. I like a lot your comment and I totally agree. My favorite part is the one in wich you say you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable. Most people are scared of that.

    • Rumors says:

      I usually put a lot of humorous comments. It´s not a tip and I´m not testing the other person to whom I´m talking to, but it helps me to see which are the limits that I can not pass to make myself understand. Or even to find out if someone matches my sense of humor.

      The other thing is that I´m genuinely interested in most of the people and I think there is always something to learn from someone (from some more than from others) so I ask a lot of questions about feelings or situations and give my opinion.

      I don´t know if I make myself clear but if I´m not understandable forgive me, XD.

  57. Sara says:

    Screw finding the “Guy”, how can I get you ?

  58. Jenna says:

    Hey Matt, loved the video. I’d already heard the story about the guy using your phone because I looked you up on podcasts since I do a lot of driving & enjoy your accent and the stuff you say. Thanks for not being boring ;) I really appreciate it -as well as your light heartedness. I laughed the first time I head this story. What a clown.

    • Jenna says:

      And p.s. I thought I’d write you an email, one random day. It didn’t work :( I got a general response from one of the people on your “team.” Just thought I’d add this in, in order for you to know that you’re missing good emails.

      • Matthew Hussey says:

        Hey Jenna,

        As you can imagine we receive hundreds of emails a day, so it’s not easy for me to personally see everything, but I’ll hunt it down tomorrow so I can read it!

        M x

        • Jenna says:

          Yep, I can imagine. Pretty fancy. I was just hoping to get your attention, now. I’m glad it worked -yay! :) I applaud your excellent communication skills, now.

  59. Julia says:

    Haha great American stoner accent

  60. Violeta says:

    Hey Matt,
    First of all – Your videos are adorable. Every time I get an e-mail from you I smile because I know I’m gonna see you,feel your positive attitude and this…naughty sparkle in your eyes :D ;)
    Well.. I remember my yesterday’s conversation with someone.
    There was this guy. He said to me : Hey Hey. And I imemdiately started humming this new Robin’s Thickie song “Blurred Lines” :) There’s this part where they sing “hey hey hey” :)) He laughed and we that’s how our conversation started.
    Have a great day,

  61. Lexi says:

    Does the retreat help with career goals and how to achieve them? I know my goal but I need practical tools. Actuall valuable proven practical tools. Will it give me that, Matt?

    I read a review on another video where the person had attended the retreat but did not get any thing about the “gem stone effect” out of it and its making me worried that it is becoming all a gimmeck. If I am spending thousands of dollars, I expect value not small talk. And NO ONE FROM YOUR TEAM ACTUALLY HONESTLY ANSWERS THIS. They just repeat the same commercial conversation over and over again.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hey Lexi,

      You are welcome to ask me ANYTHING you want about the retreat here and I will gladly answer for you (obviously it’s a sunday so I may not be able to write an essay!). If my answers do not suffice I will personally assign someone to speak with you and give clear answers.

      As for the rare gemstone effect, the reason someone would not have heard about that on the retreat is because it is brand new content related to gettheguy and has nothing to do with our goals on the retreat, which are to take you to the next level in every area of your life. The entire retreat is built around practical tools, if you know your goal, a programme like this is perfect for helping you get there.


      • Lexi says:


        Thank you for writing on the comment. I do enjoy your programs but it was getting frustratin when I was not getting clear answers.

        My main goal for attending the retreat will be to excel in my career. I work in pharmecueticals and I want to reach a top management level. I am good at what I do but I seem unable to move to that level. I am starting out –26 yrs old — and I want to gain practical tools to be able to achieve that goal. Will the retreat help me with that?

        I won’t ask how because its Sunday and I do want to be respectful of your time. Especially bc you actually responded to me.

        Again, I do love your offerings.


        • Matthew Hussey says:

          Hey Lexi,

          I’m really excited you are joining us on the retreat. The retreat is ALL about practical tools. You will see when you get there. There are modules on everything from maintaining drive, to networking the right people, to managing your time, to how to chunk down a big goals into daily rituals. I could go on and on…

          The bottom line is, it’s likely to be the most transformative 5 days of your life. I know because I’ve watched it happen time and again.

          AND, importantly, it’s going to be SO MUCH FUN : ).

          I’ll see you there ; )

          Matt x

        • Matthew Hussey says:

          Hey Lexi,

          I’m just trying to locate your booking for the retreat so that we can reach you and help iron out the things you’d like more information on. I’m having trouble locating using your name here. Could you please email me here matt@gettheguy.co.uk so that we can find your booking and get in touch?

          Many thanks!

          Matthew x

  62. Kathryn says:

    Hey Matthew,

    You give us so much to think about. I think I need one of those earpieces where you talk me through what to say, you are so good at this.
    I have given people, usually young lads, money for petrol to get home but never the phone. How ironic standing in front of a relationship coach (if I can call you that) making up with his girlfriend in such a corny way.
    I actually can’t think of a single good way of anyone opening a conversation I can remember. Are we all that bad? Time to take your advice.
    Kathryn xx
    PS you do need to get back to London for a break, the accent was very good

  63. A. says:

    I’m good at conversations but it takes more than that. When are you going to tell us more about creating the rare gemstone effect? Still waiting for that info!

    -Prefer to be called ‘A’

    • Lexi says:

      Me too. When will anything on the “rare gem stone” effect come out?
      Honestly, it seems like it will be another program on top of everything that will cost even more money. This makes me worried that this company is starting to turn into gimmicks while the CEO goes to Hollywood auditions.

      Love ya Matt but I am being honest.

      • Matthew Hussey says:

        Hey A!

        The rare gemstone effect is something I will be talking about VERY soon. It’s brand new and is something I haven’t had time to release until now (it’s been a busy year!). But I’m glad you’re so enthusiastic about it, I want people to be excited : ).

        Lexi, I hope to never been seen as a company that is about gimmicks. I always want to provide huge value. That’s why I spend hours planning, filming and editing these free videos each week. It gives people something to help them each week which is of NO charge.

        If you saw my life, you’d see me spending most of my day working to pleaser you guys. It’s a far cry from a CEO frolicking around hollywood for auditions ; ).

        P.S. I hear you’re coming to the retreat, in which case I can’t wait to see you there! x

        Matthew x

        • A. says:

          Thanks Matt, for your reply. Like Lexi I think the ‘rare gemstone effect’ info will come at more cost than your free videos here. Perhaps it should but in that case I shall never know what it means.

          Unlike Lexi I won’t be attending a retreat anytime soon. We like you, Matt, and understand you have to make a living. I’m more focused on the ‘get the guy’ and ‘women retreats’ aspects of your business at this time in my life. So few women retreats this year! Maybe someday I’ll get to one. Especially if you ever have them again in the States.


          • CelesteK says:


            From what I understand, the content of the retreat will depend very much on what specific things you want to work through in your life to get to where you want to be. Have you looked at the questionaire for it? It seems to be more about questions for you to ask of yourself and answer for yourself and providing the tools and an environment for you to do that. (Which makes it quite a bit different from the shorter programs.)


      • Matthew Hussey says:

        Hey Lexi,

        I’m just trying to locate your booking for the retreat so that we can reach you and help iron out the things you’d like more information on. I’m having trouble locating using your name here. Could you please email me here matt@gettheguy.co.uk so that we can find your booking and get in touch?

        Many thanks!

        Matthew x

  64. CelesteK says:

    I’m dying laughing at your unfortunate but hilarious encounter with the Common L.A. Douchebag. (Scientific name: Homo usurpia) The species is only native to southern California and is rarely seen in other parts of the country.

    I love this video, especially since I’ve found that I just don’t have any patience for boring conversation any more. I’ve hit a point in my life where I’m just done with insipid niceties and love going right to the weird depths of whatever situation is at hand. Thanks for validating my approach. :)

    P.S. I’m offering my services as an amateur dialect coach. We can work on your American accent when I see you in December.

  65. Ursulline says:

    Hey Matt,

    I had gotten an email reply from Bie after emailing you two weeks ago that indicated someone from your team would be giving me a call.

    Is this spam or is there just some misinformation coming your team about following up on email inquiries to you?

    I emailed you a question and she replied back that I’d be getting a phone call from your team. Every attempt I make to follow up on toys had been ignored.

    Santa Monica, CA

    • Ursulline says:

      Please excuse the typos, I’m on my phone.

      I meant this* not toys.

      Santa Monica, CA

      • Matthew Hussey says:

        Hey Ursulline,

        Let me check into this for you. Thanks for letting me know! We’ll be back to you by tomorrow as my team isn’t around until then.

        Hope you enjoyed the video : )

        Matt x

        • Ursulline says:

          K, awesome, thank you..

          and I always enjoy your videos.


          • Matthew Hussey says:

            Thanks Ursulline!

            I just spoke to my customer services team and they should have reached out to you already this morning.

            Have an fantastic day!

            Matt x

    • Angela says:

      Hi Ursulline,

      How did you get on only I have experienced the same thing ? Was it all genuine in the end or spam ?

      Angela x

  66. Kim says:

    I liked this a lot. I’m definitely going to start practicing ASAP!!! Thanks Matt!

  67. Thirza says:

    Hi Matthew i’m bot good at starting a conversation.
    Even on running otther people make a compliment About That other girl how good she is etc… And when we were swimming al the other boys were looking at my older sister she already has a boyfriend About 5 mothns now.
    And than i feel so alone sometimes. Me and my twinsister always called ugly in school in school i have no friends. Besides my twinsister it drives me nuts sometimes. Althhough i’ve Been bullied it left scars inside and i got no convidence in anything now it Goes. Altough That i’ve uploaded a YouTube video and i got good comments on it. I’m always looking on YouTube and i think al the people sing better than me sometimes it brings me down :(

    Btw love your video
    Have a great day.

    Lovely Greetz Thirza.

  68. Nicolioli says:

    Thank you Matt! I am focusing on this skill atm. Works wonders!

  69. Rumors says:

    In my opinion conversating of how to conversate is a great conversation.

    I like a lot to conversate and I apply your conversation steps without even knowing that I do. Congratulate me, please.

  70. Kooky says:

    thank you hero for this video. you made laugh a lot . if i were your i would laugh . what i see to become a great conversationalist depends on the way you think .if i think and see my self a great , funny , creative , confident person and work on it . then i’ll be not just a great conversationalist but i’ll be amazing in everything in life .
    you really amazed me by your topics. thats why i call you hero.

Read previous post:
Does Life Get Any Easier?

Here's a quick video on the hardships of life, why you need to find what you love, stick it out...