Today I want to converse with you about conversing.
I want to talk about better ways of giving value in conversation than going in and asking mundane questions.
The story I began this video with has been a beautiful way of starting conversations for me this past week.
(Please excuse the awful American accent. It’s the best I had in me today.)
The way I began is how you can begin conversations this week. Rather than beginning with small talk, jump straight into a story and start talking about theories you have of things.
When someone asks, “how are you?” this is a great time to lead into a story instead of a logical answer to a question.
When I’ve been introduced to a group of people at a party for instance, I’ve been able to go in and say, “Hey guys, you’ve got to settle this for me. Is this normal?…”
The truth is, the world is made up of really sh*tty conversationalists.
When we go into conversation, too many people sit back waiting for the other people they’re with to lead in being a good conversationalist.
Rather than thinking you have to fall back on a generic set of topics and questions, forget all of that.
Instead, apply these three steps…
1) Get out of your head
Don’t be inside your own head thinking too much. You want to be expressing opinions and talking about the things going on around you.
2) Pay attention
Pay attention to what’s happening around you.
–What clothes are people wearing? Is there a pattern to what people are doing? Is it quiet? Is it loud? Is there anything weird happening?
3) Have opinions
Opinions give other people license to talk and are a great way to evoke responses from other people. Have opinions of things going on around you. They also help get people out of their heads.
Question of the day: Can you remember a great way someone started a conversation with you? What did they do/say?
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To learn more about conversation and how to steer things forward to a place of building chemistry and attraction with a guy, check out my online home study course The Man Myth.
Matt I am so glad to hear that you think curiosity is attractive and a “good look” because it is definitely something which I have in abundance. Since I am curious, I have to ask what language it was that you were speaking? Was it Chinese and if so, how/where did you learn the language? I was really impressed especially since, at least here in the States, Chinese is not one of the more common languages taught. Good for you!
I just impressed the hell out of people at a networking event by simply walking up to groups and starting off with some unconventional (albeit fun) questions, as you suggested. In fact, the most interesting part was that as soon as I started engaging them this way, they were very intent on finding out who I was. I never had that reaction before! Pretty neat insight. Thank you!
As always love your stuff. Just wanted to share that I FINISHED my master’s thesis and so I am happy about that. : ) Passed my oral examinations on Thursday and finished all of the edits this morning. So, I am excited. Thanks for the hints and encouragements that you gave me on here about getting over procrastination. Peace.
Your place is valueble for me. Many thanks!
Matthew, this is perfect! These tips will really help me out in the long run! Thank you so much!
YOU ARE SO FUNNY :) I LITERALLY LOOOOOOOVE YOUR VIDEOS :)
Ok, so I just saw this on your blog and I am commenting now and am hoping for a reply.
So the last man that I was in a relationship with was less intelligent than I had first given him credit for. Towards the end of our relationship he made a statement to me that he thought that I was too opinionated. Well, obviously I am not going to change that about myself and the already crumbling relationship was now on a rapid downward spiral. I am tired of meeting men that want to change me. They are attracted to me in the first place for who I am and then down the road they want to change things about me. Example, I don’t like eating red meat yet almost every man I meet says that he is going to get me to like red meat. What is up with that? My point is about you stating that it is good to have an opinion for good conversation. I guess that I am meeting the wrong men.
Hi Diane,
If the guy really cares about you, he wouldn’t try to change you, unless your behavior is detrimental to you or someone else. That being said, I’ve dated plenty of guys and have plenty of friends who would ensure that the places I go would have the vegetarian dishes I enjoy. So don’t worry; there are guys who respect your beliefs. Plus, red meat aids in the development of breast and colon cancer.
Best wishes to you and hope you can find that special guy.
What a great sense of humor, Matthew!! You did a great impersonation of an American accent and the ending was hilarious! :)
It’s an awesome paragraph designed for all the internet viewers; they will take advantage from it I am sure.
Ha! I just wanted to tell you Matthew that you nailed the lame American guy accent! Nice work!! :D