I’ve had so much to tell you in the last couple of weeks that I forgot to send you this clip from The Today Show…
This is a chance to see me in one of my less composed moments where a guest says something rather unexpected…
(Having trouble viewing this? Try this link instead.)
From the video..
“Different parenting styles is our biggest problem. I’m the stern one and always the bad guy. How can we meet in the middle?”
Your child is looking up to both of you as parents. You’re only as strong as your weakest link, and so you both need to step up and be strong.
As parents, if one of you is being stern and the other is not, the distinction you have to make is between tone and message. It’s okay for tone to be different, but not for message to be different. You have to be united in what you’re communication to stand strong together.
Two parents have to come together to form a vision for what they want with their child. You can do this before a baby is even born – but if you haven’t, now is the time to have it.
Ask questions like…
–What’s the vision for our child’s growth?
–What’s the vision for the environment of love we want to create?
–How easy is it going to be for our child to be who they want to be?
This is what’s important. Once you have the vision, every action then follows that.
“My husband and I argue about his lack of grooming. He refuses to cut his hair, it’s very long, he wears it in ponytails, and I hate it. What should I do?”
Your job as someone’s partner is to be their sexual pleasure and the person they’re attracted to. If you’re not providing that for them, who’s going to?
If Susan is not attracted to the long hair, she better be bold in telling him. You don’t have to be critical in what you say, as you can instead be positive in your reinforcement by being bold in what you would like.
Decide what are the deal-breakers, and then be firm with them.
The caveat to this is that if you’re going to be bold about what you want, you have to be okay with it the other way around too. That’s the way it has to be. If he wants you to look a certain way or to do something differently, you have to be open to that too.
Question Of The Day…
Can you remember a moment when you had to deal with something kind of embarrassing under pressure like I did here? : )
Let me know below!
95 Replies to “Being Bold In Relationships (Today Show)”
Hi Matthew, Forgive me but I didn’t notice where the embarrassing bit was, what bit was it ? Though I found those people in the background with the umbrellas who kept waving through the window quite annoying !
Your friend, Angela K.
P.S. If I didn’t notice the embarrassing bit, then I can only conclude that you handled the situation professionally and with great skill x
Hey Angela, haha glad to see you didn’t notice!! But it’s the last bit between E. Jean and I ; )
Thanks Matthew, I understand now :o) I shall be joining you later by the way !
Matt what Will you do when you find everyone you trust are against you and hope the worst for you and try to do everything to make you sad and lose hope for life Im not talking about love life :( I know its my second time asking you such things but I really need your help :(
I understand where you’re coming from, and although this is far easier said than done, sometimes we have to realize that the people we thought were good for us are in fact not. Take a step back, think about what you value in those you want to keep close and reevaluate the company you keep. If they aren’t up to your standards take steps to begin to surround yourself with those who are. You deserve better.
Take care lovely :)
The embarrassing bit was when the other guest said to Matt : The minute you open your mouth I would go on my knee’s so handsome are you . If I remember correctly.
Thanks Rose ! I guessed it might have been that bit, but I wasn’t sure
Haha correct Rose
:) One of those things we think, but discreetly hold back from saying
Wait…ignore my above remark. I only just understood it now
:( Went right over my Aspergers head… No, we don’t think what she said. We more sort of just think that you ARE good looking, but I definitely think that in a more sweet and innocent way. I see you like a sweet older brother :)
Wow. She didn’t phrase that well, did she? Hilarious! You handled that well, Matt… Nice segment. Loved how you told everyone that they were ALL. WRONG. Ha! More power to ya, fella! :D
Haha thank you Eve! Be bold ; )
Aye aye, Captain! :D
Very well handled. The only thing I noticed was the defensive/closed body language halfway through but it was warranted in that situation. I thought your advice was great though but it may have fallen in deaf ears…. Tough crowd!
Thanks so much Siobaun : )
You transform what would be a scene of people giving average dating advice as seen all over the internet(by which I mean poor-quality advice) into something really good!
I agree with Rivka, I found those ladies to be actually quite obnoxious & rude. Especially from Kathy Lee..what’s up with that? As a talk show host she should have been alittle more polite & alot less condescending…(men issues these days??) Anyway, I think you held your ground well & came out a winner! Take care…x
Hot stuff!!! Wooh! Sounds like you have an admirer sitting next to you in the colleague chair!
Loved your parenting advice. Absolutely true. And I can vouch for it as someone who had a poisonous relationship with my ex husband (and he is still doing sh!t to undermine me after 7 years of divorce, with adult children, no less). Now I have a good relationship with my partner, especially in terms of parenting and our 3 yr old. And it shows – she’s happy and has self-esteem to pass out to others.
Thanks for the laugh.
Wonderful to hear Nofyah!
Yes, that part about tone being different and message being the same was great! I’m a nanny, and I’m in favor of a tone of sweetness and gentleness, with a message that says that there are standards. Love is conveyed in the tone, and standards/appropiate accountability in the message. I’ve experienced it the other way around from one of my parents :(
That combination of loving tone and standards/message set the stage for an amazing love between me and a child I was caregiver of at a preschool. He loved me more than any of the other teachers, second only to his parents. :)
Matt, for cute guy like you, you will always get embarrassing questions. But the important thing is that you handle it professionally. :)
Making me blush Plamena ; )
Matt, you handled that last bit like a true gentlemen. What a gem of a line from her. I’m sure the Producers “LOVED” that.
I have a quick, and rather odd, question to ask you.
There is the stunningly attractive guy at my office. Well dressed, well spoken, funny and personable. He’s a bit older than myself (28, I’m 21), but treats me like gold, never once making me feel inferior based on my “newbie” rank in the company. He also makes me giggle like no other. His belly laugh, coupled with his positive personality is just infectious. He’s the kind of person you just don’t encounter anymore, the kind that lifts everyone spirits with effortless talent (sort of like you, Mr. Hussey!)
Here’s the problem…I don’t know if he’s straight (I’m sure other NYC gals can relate to his situation).
I’m constantly getting mixed messages from him. I feel a tad uncomfortable friending him on Facebook to check out his “About” Section…and there is no way in HALLLLLE I’m going to ask a co-worker. What should I do? I don’t want to waste my time gushing over someone who’s unavailable. It’s an uphill battle to begin with, considering I’m just establishing myself…and he’s so successful.
Thanks for reading Matt. You are such a gift to us ladies trying to find their way. Best!
***(to “this” situation) sorry…long weekend!
BTW: I’ve tried putting out feelers. Like, “which celebrity do find the most attractive?”…and he said, “The entire cast of Mad Men”.
SEE WHAT I MEAN BY “MIXED MESSAGES”.
I mean… she said it. I’m thinking it, but she said it.
AND I just got what she meant. I thought she meant propose. The feminist in me was thrilled. Now the Southern Belle in me is wrinkling her nose.
So, to clarify, I’d go down on my knees to PROPOSE. Oi, vey.
Amen my sentiments EXACTLY! MATT YOU’RE SO AwEsOMe!
Matt, that’s a great distinction to make in the parenting topic, different messages from parents confuses small children and are used as ammunition by older children at times. that goes double for parents who are divorced. I admit i nearly lost it with the ‘on my knees’ comment, but even though you were slightly out of your experience on the first question and rather shocked during the second you seemed to keep your cool and make your point well.
in response to the question of the day: as an american living in the uk, i’ve had many situations like that. i will share a couple.
i was in a pub once, speaking to a ‘gentleman’ from ireland who asked me, upon learning i’m from the south in th u.s. ‘ so you’re a southerner….does that mean you’re a racist?’
in my first year of study in an undergraduate politics based degree at a uk uni, i had many students start singing off about various u.s. actions on the intentional stage… once just as a seminar was starting. i spoke up, much to his surprise, that i was born in the u.s. and love the country but that doesn’t mean that i agree with all the political actions. furthermore, if he or anyone else wanted to conduct a reasoned criticism of the u.s. i was more than willing to participate but i would not tolerate emotive arguement just for the sake of American bashing.
Matt, you’d think after several years of women saying that to you, you’d get used to it. ;-) Perhaps her timing was a bit awkward, but the co-hosts looked like they shared the sentiment.
LMFAO!! I squealed when she said that. One helluva compliment, eh? I have had plenty of embarrassing things happen to me but none like that! I don’t succumb to embarrassment easily so I have to make this good… it was a few weekends ago at this Michael ackson/Prince party at a bar and my friends and I are all dancing, having fun, etc. when this sloshed guy with a PBR in his hand decides to single me out as his dance opponent for the night. He’s all over the place and I’m keeping to a 2-step at this point because he’s literally trying to have a dance off with me as the challenger and people are starting to look over and notice. The song mixes to something different and I head straight for the bar to laugh it off and tell him I simply couldn’t compete with that!
Hope you get more compliments like that soon, Matt =D
Hi Matthew i hope everything Goes allright?
Affcourse i had the deal with kinda something onder prussere.
When we had gym at school and one girl Said you can’t dress hear Ger away from here” i Saw myself That their was enough space but she wanted me there than i had no choice than dress anywhere else.
And yesterday me and my twinsister we had a fight.
She Said what make me angry and i’m not the Person Who Gets angry easily, but if i Get angry than it’s good wrong so i hitt her ” than i fell my Mother Gets besides uss to Gett us calm again my Mother grabbs the jacket of my Twinsister and Maybe to hard and the jacket was broken. And my Twinsister flipps out she hit my Mother and the boyfriend of my older sister grabbs her to calm het down.
It was so emarrising in That moment all the other people was staring at uss and gives uss the look. And after That i feel more and more guilty About it.
I did write a apoligze letter to my Twinsister About how sorry i am.
Now About my internship everything Goes allright oké i have to get up early but it’s all worth it” ;D
Have a Nice Week Matthew Lovely Hussey ;)
“That’s a special scenario.” haha awesome response!
I find your reaction hilarious, well executed to hide the claimed embarrassment.
Question is, as a man, were you really embarrassed? Didn’t you find that statement in reference to your looks validating, like I would assume any typical male would.
Interestingly, if that statement was hurled to a woman that may constitute sexual harassment. Your thoughts ladies?
as the law is written, the statement is considered several harassment to a man as well. for various reasons, few men would pursue it as such, but it is.
A woman of high value would not say that to any man, only to her man and definitely not on telly for the whole nation to see
There’s no such thing as a “typical male”! Besides, based on the comments on his blog, Matt gets enough genuinely sweet compliments that he doesn’t need the creepy ones.
Very funny. :-)) I laughed a lot. If you were really embarrassed (which I am not totally sure of – LOL), you conceled it well.
I have also experienced an embarrassing situation under pressure. I had gotten a new boss who had transferred within the company from a different department, and since I was going to have to work together with his ex department a lot, I decided to walk over there and introduce myself.
The employees at that time were all males (except for the admin assistant), and I was talking to one of the guys and – referring to cylinders of a sporty car – I said “Yes, six is nothing new to me”, and in my language 6 and sex nearly sounds the same. Those guys had never seen a woman who is interested in cars, and they were all listening to the conversation. So 30 guys were then grinning at me, probably thinking “does she have to tell everybody that sex is nothing new to her”.
I ignored there grinning, pretending not to notice it, and I continued asking questions about that car.
Some of those guys were still grinning at me for a few days after that incident – when I ran into them coincidentally on the company ground.
Best regards from Italy, where I am enjoying a lovely vacation right now.
She only said what all of us are thinking!!!! If you’re gonna walk around looking that good, you’re gonna have to deal with the women who are bold enough to say it!!! :-) Love you!!
The women next to you seems a bit clueless. I mean, not in what she says but just by the way she looks. Like a clueless teacher o something like that…
Anyway, every time you look embarrassed it´s funny and cute, hahaha
And about the question: Yes, when a man much more older than me and my mom tryed to flirt with me in front of my mom and I had to be polite even though his effort beeing sexy were ending to be creepy.
P.S: I just have graduate from University! Hurra!
I have refrained from commenting up until now but I have now…..
Why do they keep having that woman in the background with that extremely annoying laugh! In nearly all of these TV interviews she is there with it. Can’t they get her out f there!
Am I the only one that finds that laugh sooooooooooooo annoying?!
I am so shocked at the unprofessionality and lack of any actual answers that came out of the Elle advice columnist’s mouth. You definitely shined here matt.
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