I’ve had so much to tell you in the last couple of weeks that I forgot to send you this clip from The Today Show…
This is a chance to see me in one of my less composed moments where a guest says something rather unexpected…
(Having trouble viewing this? Try this link instead.)
From the video..
Jackie asks:
“Different parenting styles is our biggest problem. I’m the stern one and always the bad guy. How can we meet in the middle?”
Your child is looking up to both of you as parents. You’re only as strong as your weakest link, and so you both need to step up and be strong.
As parents, if one of you is being stern and the other is not, the distinction you have to make is between tone and message. It’s okay for tone to be different, but not for message to be different. You have to be united in what you’re communication to stand strong together.
Two parents have to come together to form a vision for what they want with their child. You can do this before a baby is even born – but if you haven’t, now is the time to have it.
Ask questions like…
–What’s the vision for our child’s growth?
–What’s the vision for the environment of love we want to create?
–How easy is it going to be for our child to be who they want to be?
This is what’s important. Once you have the vision, every action then follows that.
Susan asks:
“My husband and I argue about his lack of grooming. He refuses to cut his hair, it’s very long, he wears it in ponytails, and I hate it. What should I do?”
Your job as someone’s partner is to be their sexual pleasure and the person they’re attracted to. If you’re not providing that for them, who’s going to?
If Susan is not attracted to the long hair, she better be bold in telling him. You don’t have to be critical in what you say, as you can instead be positive in your reinforcement by being bold in what you would like.
Decide what are the deal-breakers, and then be firm with them.
The caveat to this is that if you’re going to be bold about what you want, you have to be okay with it the other way around too. That’s the way it has to be. If he wants you to look a certain way or to do something differently, you have to be open to that too.
Question Of The Day…
Can you remember a moment when you had to deal with something kind of embarrassing under pressure like I did here? : )
Let me know below!
Oh Mathew!!!
I cannot see how people have missed the embarrassing moment here…. In reality that was a bit of a roast!
I think you handled it like a pro, as you used humor to deflect the embarrassment. I think one of the best things about you and perhaps a reason people can relate to you is the fact you don’t take yourself so seriously. I tend to do a lot of public speaking and I love it! You cannot script what other people are going to add to a conversation, so things can get interesting with absolutely no notice.
Interacting with people one on one, or in a group setting is very much the same for me. I cannot control when someone is going to say or do something that will embarrass me. Just as Matthew suggests I have been having conversations with everyone I see! At this point I have become more comfortable in my own skin when talking to others, and am better able to laugh at an embarrassing moment. In reality embarrassing moments like that are exactly why people hesitate to engage in conversations. In the past the idea of an embarrassing moment, would have kept me from engaging in conversation. Since I have been working my conversation skills I look forward to a less superficial conversation. In return I have had better more fulfilling conversations that helped me get to know people better.
I also believe nobody is going to forget your latest visit to the today show! But really what were you expecting! You are going to need to ugly it up a bit to keep things like that from happening… You’re like Cougar bait!!!
As always thank you for everything you do!!!
Holly
“Cougar bait!” hahahahaa, that’s hilarious and completely true (at least in this situation).
Matt, I have a question about long-term relationships. How can you manage a serious relationship (such as marriage) in which one partner travels frequently, or travels abroad for long stretches of time? I’m not in a relationship, but I am interested in traveling for my career, and I’m concerned about raising a family, etc, while balancing this sort of work.
What would you suggest, as someone who does travel for his career?
Thanks for all the help!
Carla
Wow Matth…. you’re like a knight with shining armor… slashing out every attack from those ladies… I enjoyed watching but I can read your “I am not agree” expression right away… Well done! Related to your last week video…I just wana say…So she’s columnist from the “ELLE, one of American most famous research magazine, besides Marie Claire of course” huh? Hahahahha!!!!
Oh yes, his face was saying it all before he even opened his mouth ;)
I said it once before and I want to say it again now… Matth that color and you – WOW! Sexy.
Kudos to you for getting your message across in spite of…well everyone else on that stage. Your advice is always helpful, well thought out and based on reality unlike the Elle columnist. Thanks for being a fresh air in a sea of…ahem! And that comment at the end? Wow…k… You handled that like a pro.
I totally agree with Math about the two questions he answered: “different tones (OK) but same message”, wonderful synthethis!!! and I also agree with his view of our partner´s aspect when it puts you off.
Thanks Mathew for your clarity of concepts!
Maria Rosa
Hmmm, I’m having a hard time playing this on the site through my phone, the link is stuck when you press play all I hear is the audio. When I tried searching for get the guy on my vimeo app nothing is pulling up…what gives???
LOL you and her are the odd couple for dating advice – I don’t know too much of her work but it seems to be in different spectrums. I loved your response to the long hair. You handled yourself like a champ and I appreciate that you are than a pretty face ;0)
About a similar awkward encounter… In high school, I tried out for the girls volleyball team. Rumors had it that we would start wearing ‘butt huggers’ this year in lieu of shorts. Hoping it wasn’t true I asked the head male coach. He stepped back, looked me up and down and said, “I’d like to see you in those”. Mortified, I shrieked and blurted, “You dirty old man” to which he replied “I’m not old!!” I was one of the top 5 who tried out, my gf being one of them. I love volleyball, if it were a man, I’d marry him. We got cut but God I felt good for calling him out. I later learned that he had the propensity to be a pervert – no surprise.
“Your job as someone’s partner is to be their sexual pleasure and the person they’re attracted to. If you’re not providing that for them, who’s going to?”
:-o
Did u just say that ?
oh ma gah.
Get the Guy is starting to get too racy for my reading pleasure. I’m going to have to save my purity and read other more G-rated websites.
Huh? How is what Matt said too racy?!
How is what he said racy? Isn’t one the reasons why people get into relationships because they are sexually attracted to each other?
Great answers to both questions, Matt! It’s a bit scary to hear the answers the Elle columnist gave because so many women read what she has to say as legitimate advice. If this is the standard for most women’s magazines, I am not so surprised about the current state of cluelessness women have about relationships (with dating partners, children, friends, etc). Hopefully, she was just being facetious up there and actually gives more thought in her advice column.
Who is that women!? She is talking nonesense.
Tnx matt for te advise
If I was married to someone, I’d WANT to know what look he liked so I could please him, and he’d better have the same attitude. I ended up keeping my hair short just because I realized how much my platonic male friend liked it :)
Matthew,
I am glad to hear your advice in this short interview, since it is the only opinion I will take seriously… the other guest seems just want to have some fun. That is a good example of what we give as a first impression. I mean, if somebody is looking this video and seeing you for the very first time, the impression she/he is going to get from you is a very good one, a person who know what he is talking about and using every minute of his time on tv to show this up. As for the other guest, I did not see her before, but I just got the impression she is not a person to take seriously.
It is good that you keep your standards, in every single moment, keep some altitude.
By the way, you give very good responses to both questions. Are you a father? How do you know about all this??? :)
Omg I don’t think she even knew what she said! But you,with ur British sense of humour certainly did. Lol. However I thought her advise was complete ‘heard it before, time wasting’ completely unproactive & perpetuating the same unsatisfactory situation. Your advise is proactive & hits the mark. Makes you feel back in the driving seat. You tell ’em Matt! ;-)
Oh no she didn’t, haha.
I know there was a time when I worked with all guys (who constantly said “that’s what she said” after what seemed liked every sentence) made fun of me quite a bit. I don’t remember what I said (maybe I blocked it out, haha) but apparently it could be taken as highly sexual in nature. They wasted no time in commenting and I was pretty embarrassed. After I left that job, it took me at least a year to not think of everything as some sort of innuendo.
Matt, very constructive solid advice- I wish for many shows to bring Matthew Hussey into the masses! The other lady, however, I found to be not sensible at all…On the note of parenting, I would like to suggest for you and everyone here to check out Stefan Molyneux at freedomainradio.com or youtube. He has a philosophy show with strong emphasis on parenting- life changing ideas. Cheers.
I hate Stefan Molyneux
Oh wow! She was bold to say that on camera. I like the hair change suits you better with the not so perfect do.
that blonde lady is so rude
Oh goodness Mat you have a way to just tell it the way it is…love it! I was laughing so hard when the discussion went…well how do you like your last visit here…i just cracked up!!!
Just want to say you are brilliant! Try to follow you as much as I can and for the last 5 years you are worth every min I invested in your ‘stuff’ …And yet again u made my day! Lovely Matt! Keep on with the great work! x
oh god. it must be so annoying to have people divert the topic to such a superficial and personal thing. Women need to listen and have a proper convo with the man without objectifying him. we hate when men do it and then we go and do this. come onn.
I totally agree! Its humiliating and degrading and it goes both ways.