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Being Bold In Relationships (Today Show)

I’ve had so much to tell you in the last couple of weeks that I forgot to send you this clip from The Today Show…

This is a chance to see me in one of my less composed moments where a guest says something rather unexpected…


(Having trouble viewing this? Try this link instead.)

From the video..

Jackie asks:

“Different parenting styles is our biggest problem. I’m the stern one and always the bad guy. How can we meet in the middle?”

Your child is looking up to both of you as parents. You’re only as strong as your weakest link, and so you both need to step up and be strong.

As parents, if one of you is being stern and the other is not, the distinction you have to make is between tone and message. It’s okay for tone to be different, but not for message to be different. You have to be united in what you’re communication to stand strong together.

Two parents have to come together to form a vision for what they want with their child. You can do this before a baby is even born – but if you haven’t, now is the time to have it.

Ask questions like…

–What’s the vision for our child’s growth?
–What’s the vision for the environment of love we want to create?
–How easy is it going to be for our child to be who they want to be?

This is what’s important. Once you have the vision, every action then follows that.

Susan asks:

“My husband and I argue about his lack of grooming. He refuses to cut his hair, it’s very long, he wears it in ponytails, and I hate it. What should I do?”

Your job as someone’s partner is to be their sexual pleasure and the person they’re attracted to. If you’re not providing that for them, who’s going to?

If Susan is not attracted to the long hair, she better be bold in telling him. You don’t have to be critical in what you say, as you can instead be positive in your reinforcement by being bold in what you would like.

Decide what are the deal-breakers, and then be firm with them.

The caveat to this is that if you’re going to be bold about what you want, you have to be okay with it the other way around too. That’s the way it has to be. If he wants you to look a certain way or to do something differently, you have to be open to that too.

Question Of The Day…

Can you remember a moment when you had to deal with something kind of embarrassing under pressure like I did here? : )

Let me know below!

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95 Replies to “Being Bold In Relationships (Today Show)”

  • Being bold! That’s an understatement. Did you lose your cool, we didn’t notice.
    We are off to London tomorrow, yay. I hope you have a lovely time catching up with your loved ones there.
    Lots of love and thank you for all your great messages. I wish my ex-husband had watched your video on being un romantic, romantic. He still doesn’t know how I have my tea or what drink he would order for me at a bar. Lol. Speaks volumes. Moving on…
    Kathryn xx

  • Wow. Nerdy girl was off her rocker. “Down on my knees”…Yea, u think u know a person, smh…… Matty probably put his fingers in a cross. Like…ummm, let’s not.

  • Down on her knees – and on the Today Show too? Yikes!! Thought you handled it very well though :) You did recommend boldness . . . I think she misunderstood when that’s appropriate and when it isn’t lol.

  • hahhahhahha wow was that lady bold and upfront or what?! Gave me a good laugh though!

    You gave the greatest and most sensible advice, as always Matt!

  • Hi Matt!
    Plain and simple, I think you handle yourself so well! We can all give our analytical opinion on what we think about what that woman said to you. Some will say it was rude, some can say it was bold and crazy, some can say “You go girl!” but at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter.
    I have learned over the years to grow thick skin. So many people say inappropriate things on a daily basis and we can either allow it to get the best of us or choose to laugh or shrug things off etc. Sometimes I believe it’s not worth getting so worked up about. I think that is what you do too! :) I am sure you have heard worse things possibly in your life than “the minute you open your mouth I want to go down on my knees.”
    Did I find her comment a bit unnecessary? Sure. I’m not a huge fan of her approach in advice anyway but what I find most annoying is how they talk over you or argue with what you are saying before you can finish. The blonde host frustrates me most with this to be honest but I just focus on what you are saying as best as possible :) Listen Matt, you are a good looking man with a great heart. You help millions of women on a daily basis and it’s an attractive quality to most people (even me!), but I commend you for your poise and maturity in these situations. I adore you and thank you for what you do. I’ve never EVER been a big follower of motivational speakers or self-help books until I stumbled upon you. You just need to know that. I know you get it from many people daily but I will tell you anyway ;-) *hugs*

  • You are hilarious, and full of class, I love the way you handle things. I think that Kathie Lee is actually funny, and people should relax with calling her rude! Although, I do wish they would let you talk a bit more instead of everyone talking at once, so that I can understand what is being said. I do think they want it to seem more like a conversation than an interview though. Love these clips! xo

  • Hi Matt! Yes, I work with mostly 20-something men (as a 17 year old girl). They constantly comment on my sexual inexperience and are never shy to vocalize that I will turn into a “slut” in a few years because “that’s just what happens to girls like me”. I’ve worked with them for 7 months now, and this is my last week. I quit! However, in the moment, I would laugh off or ignore all their comments. Their opinion is not my problem.
    Thanks again for sharing your insights with us!

    1. Omg I had a very similar experience when I was about 16 (I did a summer work program). But the guys went further by offering to break me out of my sexual inexperience to supposedly save me from becoming a slut in the future. It became so uncomfortable to go to work, I was so glad when the program was over and opt not to return the following summer. But like you I ignored their comments but I also got upset at how uncomfortable they were making me. I never complained to my supervisor because I was embarrassed and afraid I’d somehow be blamed for the things the guys were saying. When I think of it now I probably should have taken my chances and made a complaint, it was only a summer work program.

    2. I think you should file a complaint against them. Sounds like sexual harrassment; not something they should think they can get away with :(

  • Welcome home Matt – hope you brought a sweater! There is nothing quite as relaxing and life affirming as being around people who really ‘get’ you. I love visiting the US, but enjoy coming home to the UK because I find I miss our sense of humour and the easy ‘banter’ we have with each other without having to explain ourselves. Each country has their own particular quirks and I suppose I just kind of love ours…….enjoy spending time with your family and friends… :-)

  • Hey Matt,

    You surely handled the whole situation professionally and with a poised attitude. Rationality mixed with knowledge, smart communication skills and the right attitude is a bless.. embarrassment is the lady guest’ share (and her hosts) all through..

    I am not an American and do not find amusement or have interest in those live TV shows broadcasted all over.. usually I change the channel when a show starts! I like the fact that you are bringing in something real in this one..

    Answering your question, I had few embarrassing moments.. the funniest is when I was looking at wedding celebration photos of a colleague and I asked him if one lady in the photo was his mother! He replied back that it was actually his bride! I don’t remember what I said back (surely something silly with a smile).. but I remember quite well the awkward feeling I had and the curious, shy attempts to observe the faces of the 5 other colleagues (including my boss) who were along. Possibly, I was trying to find a reason to spark a conversation that cools the situation..

    Thank you for the motivation, reminders, and advises you offer.

    Cheers

  • Oh. My. Gosh. I think you should have simply said “Thank you” after the “down on my knees” statement :) But you did handle yourself really well, as usual, and you are amazing at thinking on your feet!

  • Ok, Mr. Sexy and Mr. right I think you were the only person with brains and the only person that did not let hormones take over emotions. Great job in taking of these three ladys that were not saying any thing but try to impressed you way to go in placing on their spots and still being a nice gentleman.

    My only issued is that you do not have children but I love what you say about both parents.

    Cheers and love
    xoxo

    your biggest fan of all times

  • Matt, I think it’s cool that this embarrassing incident(and it was inappropriate, I mean if you as a man had said something similar to her, they’d sue you for sexual harassment)seems to have in its way, turned into a bonding moment between us blog readers and you :)

  • nice job matt :) the way you’re managing them, i like it, i mean they start talking all at the same time but when you start talking they all listen :)

  • Umm… how about Kathy Lee’s “It’s gonna be crowded done there E. Jean” ?!?!?!!??? I’m all for feminism, but seriously, ladies… way to keep it classy.
    Great Advice though, Matthew. Maybe in long term relationships we could accept the fact that we don’t ALWAYS have to be attracted or attractive. But if we desire to be attractive to our partner, we have to be willing to make compromises. I agree – if you dish it out, you have to be willing to take it yourself.

    p.s. – I rarely watch the Today Show, but I stumbled across it the other day and was introduced to you and your work… and for that I am grateful. Great insight.

  • wow, out of blue but captivating! She’s got you Matt :) yea, I had similar situation when we had this debate with a group of friends and as I am on a top of conversation, one of our friends in the group begins to make up a song about me how hard to catch me and that I am like a wind. I literally SU (stopped talking) :)embarrassing but nice

  • Not on the same page for such important things in life together creates undenialable problems later on. I always try to work together striving for the same values by showing, discussion and communication and much more effort.

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