Can Men & Women Just Be Friends?

Today I want to answer an age-old question…

Can men and women just be friends?

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83 Replies to “Can Men & Women Just Be Friends?”

  1. Matt (Jiminy)

    When I am out with a man I hear things I should and should not do in an English accent…. It’s like you’re my conscience. I am going to start calling you Jiminy cricket.

    Thank you Jiminy and have a great week

    Holly

  2. I agree you can be friends with guys and nothing more infact I have had many a guy who I was just friends with who had girlfriends and they were fine with it because they knew it was nothing more then platonic!

  3. Great video as usual and I agree with everything you say and have a few platonic male friends. My question is, how can you tell if a male friend wants more?

    I’m in just that situation and I’m having trouble deciding if he has any interest beyond friendship.

    Thanks always for your words of wisdom Matt.

    Take care.

    Jo

  4. Hello Matthwer, thank you for your video as its confirmation what is my saying. My friend always tell me that there is not friendship between man and woman as there will be always something more. Yes there maybe attraction as you mentioned, I got male friend even sleeping in one bed after bottle wine and nothing happen as we both respect each other but there is attraction but three is not the sexual attraction. I can only agree with your video as man can be friends with woman and I am the example.
    X Lenka

  5. Yes! Men and Women can just be friends. I am originally from Pittsburgh, PA. I was raised in a very nice, elite area called Schenley Heights, located above the University of Pgh.,Pitt and Carnegie Mellon We were known as Schenley Heights Girls & Boys, Sugar Top Boys and Sugar Top Girls. We were groomed to be leaders both by our teachers and parents. Any girl living in Schenley Heights was always protected by our boys. Most of us only dated Schenley Heights/Sugar Top Boys. The boys were always gentlemen. Our boys told other guys from other surrounding areas, what type of girls we were, and to never disrespect us. We laughed and joked about our friendships being raised in Sugar Top. We said that we would be friends for life. And, that is what we meant.
    As women, the guys always introduced us to their girlfriends or wives, and we always talked about “old times” and laughed. I was a bridesmaid in one of our friend’s wedding. We were present for any of their recognitions, awards, weddings, baby showers, and funerals. It has been 19 years and most of the “Sugar Top Boys” have died. They were outstanding boys, men, husbands, fathers and friends. And, I am still friends with the guys remaining. So, yes, men and women can be friends, and friends for life.

    Thank you

    Brie

  6. I don’t think it’s about alcohol so much as it is maturity. I have guy friends that in some way I am attracted to but feel something is missing and would hate to ruin a friendship over “a night of passion” or as I like to call it STUPIDITY. Don’t lose a great friend just because you’re horny and lonely.

  7. Interesting…..I have 4 fantastic and cherished long term friendships with men.
    I have slept with all of them ( not at the same time) and one of them is a long term occasional lover.
    So yes, I would say I definitely chose them as friends because I felt attracted to them in a physical/emotional way and also because they are good people.
    I love watching your videos Matt.
    My own preference is to have more than one man in my life because i like variety in all things.
    I did the whole marriage thing but grew tired of it all.
    My ex husband and I are still great platonic friends.

    Now I am 40, I choose to just have fun and good times.
    Best Wishes to you, you make me smile.
    Kate x x x

  8. Totally disillusioned with men.

    I have two guys who I’ve been friends with for years (one for over 17 years).

    Neither of them ever gave me any reason to think they wanted more then friendship, then after 23 years of marriage my husband decided to trade me in for a girl the same age as my oldest daughter. So at a time when I need my friends more then ever these guys decide it’s a great opportunity to come on to me.

    In case your wondering no, I didn’t give either of them any reason for doing so, worst of all they are both married to beautiful kind women who would be devastated if they knew how their husbands had behaved.

    So no, I don’t believe men and women can be friends.

    Sorry for being so negative guys but that’s how I feel!

    1. Dear Angela, You did have an interesting and to say the least difficult situation. I have no comments on your husband, however, I do have a take on your male friends : The first possibility is that during the 17 years you knew them, they saw you as married, but may hae been attracted to you but out of respect for your relationship with your husband decided not to act on it.
      The second is that some men may think of it as comforting or flattery, their way of trying to tell you that despite what happened with your husband, other men will find you attractive. Basically hitting on you is their way of saying, hey you’re attractive to me even though your husband doesnt see you as such

      1. Hi The August

        Thanks for taking the time to comment it’s appreciated.

        Whilst I get what you are saying, this may have been them trying to compliment me, it just doesn’t sit well with me as very good friends with their wives (and compliments shouldn’t be sleazy)

        The worst of it is I just don’t know what I’ve done to encourage this I really do have a ‘f*ck off & die look’ for every man, friends included.

        Sorry not normally a negative nancy I think the pouring rain in Essex is getting to me on this miserable Sunday afternoon !!!

  9. Hii Matt,

    I donot think men and women can be friends only without having any attraction behind the friendship..But you are right when you said that after having an enormous amount of whiskey with huge bunch of people but yet he still not having the thought of sleeping with her then your guy is worth to be with…It is true when you said that we cannot be too naive to think our partner will not be attracted to other women but it all about loyalty…

  10. I’m not sure if I feel slightly insulted, think you’re absolutely correct in what you’re saying or both? The only relationships I’ve ever had with men, that I wasn’t related to, have been friends. I think that it’s a choice based on respect and maturity. That’s what life is about, the choices you make, good or bad.

  11. Hi Matthew,

    I agree with you partially.
    I agree with the fact the we may be attracted to someone else than our partner.
    But BECAUSE this fact, I don’t believe in friendship between men and women.
    Why should someone deliberately play with fire?!
    If I’m in a relationship, i don’t think that we should expose ourself to different friendships then to choose over them our partner every time.
    I think exactly in the opposite way….(understanding the human nature,),
    If I choose someone to be in relationship with, then I MADE this choice, and based on this choice I don’t rue choose by not giving in other people I may be attracted to.
    The opposite, I take the responsibility not to even to enter a situation like this.
    Of course, I’m speaking about friendships between men and women that may be intimate, like going out alone etc

    Go on with your great and exciting work ! I really learned a lot from you, and also if I not always agree…you give intelligent inputs.

    Best
    Angela

    1. I agree with you Angela. To me, it would be totally a source of stress if I would have to be aware of all the time that my partner day by day has to overcome temptation and he has to chose me again and again over other women…
      I don’t believe that such a relationship can survive for a long term and I wouldn’t feel safe living with a man with this mentality and behavior. I would like to be with a man who’s best friend is me, and doesn’t need any other best girl-friends. Hanging out with boys and have female acquaintances is of course a different thing.

      1. Yes, Jolien.
        For me it is not only about stress or insecurity, it is the concept that I don’t understand
        Being in a relationship , choosing already that person and taking a commitment, where is the sense to it for needing to choose over and over again over other women? (The same for women of course).
        Logically, this choice one does BEFORE taking a commitment.

        The only reason in a relationship to chose your partner again and again, should be based only between him and her…. If both needs are fulfilled apart external people.

        1. Yes, indeed. I think, loyalty in a good relationship is not something we choose because it is a tool to keep the partner. I think loyalty should be the natural result of love. At least it has always been to me, when I was in love.

    2. Matthew doesn’t specify in this video what level of intimacy is appropriate between such friends. He doesn’t say “So do whatever intimate things with your friends,” The whiskey test is obviously tongue-in-cheek.

  12. The end was the best….hahhaa :D
    good video overall.
    no matter how crazy whiskey test may seem, i think there’s something about it. ;)

  13. Making REALLY sure that you just want to be friends with Jameson. You’re right, one can never be TOO sure… He is a cutie that one…

  14. I do believe that attraction between men and women can be just that attraction. Men and women can be friends even when there is attraction.

  15. I’ve been trying to articulate this phenomenon for a long time and you did it right on. Thank you for that!

  16. I am in a relationship with someone with LOTS of female friends. I had previously been married 16 years and my ex was a “guy’s guy” and only had a couple, married women friends, and he was much more friendly with the husbands than the wives. After the marriage broke up and I started dating new guy, he wanted me to meet his female friends and I was very open to the idea. But wow did my opinion change as one after the other of these friends were openly hostile to me. It was shocking. I am not sure what he did, if he was leading them on for years, or what was happening, but they are mostly single and my guy was like a surregate husband to them and they were NOT HAPPY he was now with me!!!

    I have since done research on the friendship thing and I will NOT be friends with any of these women–for one thing they were mostly women he had dated (and slept with) and for another thing they didn’t have anyone else. So now that is a criteria–no exes and no single women. Which basically knocked them all out of the equation.

    He went into this very unwillingly at first but the evidence was clear after I had met most of them and NONE of them were what I think of when I think of a “friend”.

    1. Friend= person you do not sleep with. Ex= person you have slept with. You and your “current person who you sleep” with do not seem to know the difference. There IS a very BIG Difference.

      1. Well I DO know now–and I think this is not always made clear by the “relationship gurus” out there–One that I am subscribed to is just recently married and he is friends with a LOT of his exgirlfriends (that he slept with ) and he claims this it is a right when you are in a relationship to have the friends you want to have.

        It was very confusing when I first re-entered the dating world.

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