Can Men & Women Just Be Friends?

Today I want to answer an age-old question…

Can men and women just be friends?

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

83 Responses to Can Men & Women Just Be Friends?

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  1. Cat says:

    I am not in a relationship at the moment but have always had male friends whether I am single or not. However there always comes a point where the guy wants more and I just want to be friends. I try to make it clear from the outset that I am not interested in a relationship, I am not a physical ‘touchy-feely’ person so I don’t think I am leading them on, but the pattern repeats and I end up uncomfortably facing ultimatum of getting involved or losing a friend. It makes me feel used, like there was always an ulterior motive for them when I just wanted someone to be a friend with.

  2. Kiraz says:

    We are so like-minded, Matthew. You speak my mind 98% of the time. That is why I started following you anyway. I agree with your statements in this video. Besides the friendship thing, it is not realistic to think that your partner will never find somebody else attractive again. Especially in long term relationships, people might have little, temporary crushes on other people once in a while. It happens. It doesn’t mean you fall in love with the other person or you want that person over your partner (like you said). But it is human nature. Anyone who says that never happened to him/her is straight-up lying or they haven’t met many people. It is best to be open-minded and accept it as it is.

    Growing up in a very social home environment, I’ve never had any problem talking to guys. I am so comfortable in that many times when I just joke around with a guy, he might take it as I like him, but the truth is I am probably just being friendly. I give compliments to people, not because I am attracted to them, but only because I am naturally a very encouraging and positive person. If I like someone he would know it from my strong eye contact even if he is on the other side of the room. Eye-f*ck is one of the most stimulating and erotic activity between two people. I think your whiskey shot test is a good one. And let’s not forget the ‘friends with benefits’ thing, it is very common.

    Best xx

  3. Nikki says:

    I have friends who have easily passed that test. Only one of my guy friends failed it; but he has a girlfriend. What should I do?

  4. Beth says:

    I have plenty of guy friends and that’s all we are! I have sat and drank many a drink with them and nothing has ever happened I believe we have the mutual understanding that we are just friends and that’s all we will be!

  5. Jessica says:

    agreed!! yay:) well said matt.

  6. Alexandra Lopez says:

    Matthew!! this video has such a great perspective. I struggle internally when I feel a man I am with seem attracted to another woman “friend”. I seriously PLEAD with you to kindly elaborate on the following: Where is the line drawn of remain loyal? (What if they text those new little emoji hearts and kisses to each other? Is FaceTiming passing a line?) and I never heard anyone discuss this and I am SO interested in your input. What are your thoughts on men who have ZERO male friends and all single female friends??? Please answer regarding this. I feel like it would be a great video as well!!! Thank you so much. Can’t wait to see you on tour soon :) have my tix!!

  7. Faith says:

    I’ve got 5 bottles of Woodford reserve whiskey in my cupboard. Just in case. Can’t believe you are drinking the same drink as I am. Haha x

  8. Valerie says:

    My problem, I guess, is my bf and I are in a long distance relationship, going on 3 years now. It’s not he easiest, but we love each other and make it work. (back story, we did meet when both of us were living in the same town, and we were friends, but I made it out of the friends zone with him. We started dating, he moved for work, and we decided to stay together and make it work.) I am in the process of moving out there within the next year, at some point. He has just made a little group of good friends. His friend from work and his wife have a single, female friend, who I found out he’s been hanging out with all of them a lot. (I have never met them). I don’t think he’s hung out with just her, alone. Mostly they are just this “fun” group of people he says. I am just concerned that with it always being the 4 of them, or her always around, something more will come of it. He does find them interesting, which means he’s attracted to them (from what Matthew said). We have recently gotten into some arguments about this, bc I’m a little insecure that he will start having a better time with her/them then with me. That is how him and I started off, and now I’m afraid all this “hanging out” will eventually turn into being into each other, like him and I did. My concern too, is that I am too far away to visit him regularly, so this girl gets to see him more than me, and he gets to hang out with her more. I fear he’ll start to forget our connection.

    • Erin says:

      I’m in a very similar long-distance situation, except my husband does hang out one-on-one with his female friends, one in particular. I feel replaced, and I’m jealous that she (or all of the shes) get to regularly hang out/have lunch/have dinner/go to movies with him and I don’t. I don’t want to be jealous, because it’s not like I think they are sleeping together, but it’s so hard not to feel replaced. I hear you.

  9. Colleen says:


    I completely agree with what you have to say here, but I’m in a little bit different situation. The man I’m seeing has a best friend who a woman. While I believe he is faithful and there is nothing romantic or physical between the two, there is definitely what I sense as emotional intimacy. My concern is this emotional intimacy is keeping him from opening up to me because he’s already getting it from another woman. She runs one of his businesses, so they travel together, text on the regular and also hang out socially, but I truly believe him when he says there’s nothing more than friendship. I’ve seen texts and pictures though that show it’s an extremely close friendship and if our relationship progresses I wouldn’t be comfortable with some of this behavior because I want to be that person to him from an emotional level. I’m not sure where to take it from here. We’re about 2-3 months in, see each other twice a week and communicate regularly, but I can’t shake this concern that it won’t progress with this woman so close to him in his life.

  10. karen says:

    I have lots of male friends and it’s true what you say I’ve been drunk as a skunk and so have they on many occasions and they have not even tried anything on, those that have are not faithful men regardless of any situation. However, I have found that if they or both of us have a single period together they have always made a pass or done some kind of come on to me. I’d like to think that I’m so amazing that men can’t resist me if we’re both available, but sadly I feel that many of them have just been friends that have waited for the first opportunity to take advantage of it.

    What would be your take on that Matt do men just become friendly with women in case one day they may be able to put that friendship on some kind of personal level in the future if the opportunity arises. By the way most of them are great to have as a friend but not what you would want in a man to date.

  11. Hester says:

    I’ve been watching these videos for quite some time now, and let me just say, they are so so helpful and wonderful and inspirational :)

    But right now I’m in a dilemma and I really hope someone can help me out (this seems like the right place to ask)

    I have a wonderful boyfriend who I love and care about so much, and he the same for me. We’ve been together for just over three months and everything was going well, but then a few days ago he started acting oddly.

    Maybe I should start explaining from a bit further back. I know this advice is meant for adults but I’m actually still a teenager, and my boyfriend is doing his IGCSE exams this year, in about a months time. I am at another school so we only see each other once a week every Tuesday. One week I couldn’t see him because I needed to finish several projects for school, so we had to skip that date. Then, on the weekend he started to act more and more distant. I told him I loved him but he never said it back, (normally he tells me first!). The day I saw him again (yesterday) he didn’t hold my hand or anything like he normally does. This got me really quite worried. I was sure we had a stable and loving relationship but suddenly things were going downhill. In desperation, I messaged him to ask him if he still loved me.

    He avoiding answering the question but said nothing was wrong. After more questioning, he revealed that his exams were getting close and it was getting harder and harder to see me and he wanted to break it off and “just be friends”. After asking what went wrong and why he didn’t love me anymore, he actually told me that he had “been an idiot” and “tried not to love me” because he knew we wouldn’t be seeing each other for a long time. He also mentioned that it seemed as though we almost weren’t going out because we hardly saw each other.

    I suggested not having a “public” breakup, because that sort of things draws lots of attention and could cause him a lot of hurt if he was confused as to whether he’d done the right thing, and that would surely distract him from exams. I also agreed with not seeing him until he’d finished his exams, I told him I still cared about him and wanted him to do well with all my heart. So we reached an, if slightly ambiguous, conclusion based on what I suggested. He called it “taking a break”…

    However, he also said he really cares about me and that hurting me is the last thing in the world that he wants to do and that he’d been a “moron”.

    After clearing up, to a certain extent, the emotional mess, we talked about what we would normally talk about, and it turned into conversation like one we would have had in the past. I brought up some of our old inside jokes and he did too, and the conversation ended on a happy note.

    I’m still hurt and confused though. I don’t know if he still loves me, or what I can do to rekindle our love, because I don’t know when I shall see him again. I don’t know whether it’s acceptable for me to message him to tell him I love him because I’m unsure as to whether we are acting as “friends” or not.

    Our relationship is in a fragile state, if we manage to pull through and get back together properly then the experience will probably enforce our relationship. On the other hand, it could all go horribly wrong and he could stop seeing me altogether. This is why I am asking for your help, I really don’t want to loose my boyfriend as he is such an amazing person and we’ve been so happy together, and you are the very best person I know of who can give me advice.

    I just want to know how I should proceed to act around him (well, message him) and should I bring up the subject of what our relationship status really is, and if possible, how to make him see that he does love me and need me, and find time to see me again.

    Gosh, this is such a long post, out I couldn’t really shorten it any more without risking cutting out vital details I think…

    Thank you so much to anyone who has a good idea of what I should do next!

    • Maya says:

      Hi Hester,
      I’m in a situation similar to yours, only I’m 40. My guy has been promoted twice in the last 6 months and is concentrating on his work. He literally told me he has no life at the moment.
      I think it’s best at this point to back off. He needs time to study – OK. You continue with your own life.
      I know it’s really hard but try not to contact him more than once a week. When you do be friendly so he knows you are still there. Communicate that you are fine and have a great life with or without him. After he doesn’t hear from you for a while he will probably be happy to hear from you. End the conversation before it gets too long and leave him wanting more of you.
      Do not tell him you love him.
      Your goal is to make him not feel pressured by you and want to get back to you as soon as possible. I hope it works out for you.

  12. Erin says:

    Thanks Matt. I needed to hear this. My husbands friends are 90% female, and at least 75% of them are models and actresses. Tends to make a girl insecure.

  13. Ginny says:


    As I learned in one of the other posts on your blog, men and women often agree to a date for different reasons. You (or your brother, I can’t remember which) said if a guy asks you out, he has definitely already thought about sleeping with you. Where as for a woman, agreeing to a date doesn’t mean you are sure you want to have sex with that person. My question stems from this concept as well as the idea of men and women being friends…

    As a single female I often find myself in situations where I am asked out for a drink, dinner, what-have-you, by someone who’s company I enjoy, but who I am not attracted to in a romantic way. Which begs the question:

    If I’m not physically attracted to this guy, but I appreciate that he has put in an effort to be attentive, and his personality stands out as interesting, is it okay to agree to a date with someone on the basis that I think we could at least be friends? Or is agreeing to go out with someone who you aren’t immediately attracted to equal to leading them on and wasting both people’s time?

    On one hand I truly believe that attraction can grow between two people over time through the process of getting to know one another. But when it comes to dating, there is also something to be said about that instant pull we sometimes feel toward someone we have a genuine “crush” on or at the very least just find physically–well, Hot! In my experience that feeling can’t be forced, the spark is either there from the beginning, or it just isn’t.

    Instincts are there for a reason and we are constantly told we should follow our gut–and yet, it feels shortsighted to turn down a date based on a lack of immediate fireworks, butterflies, whatever you want to call them.

    Now factor in the concept of expectations. Just like there is an unspoken agreement or societal convention that says if a man takes a woman out he is obliged to pay the bill, there is often also the presumption that a woman must “put out” if she accepts a date. Perhaps the only reason I am even asking myself whether it’s wrong to accept a date with someone I am not immediately attracted to, is because in Millenial dating culture, many people’s interpretation of a date can be reduced to an exchange of services, whereby the man pays for the food, drinks, and/or entertainment, and in return the woman provides some kind of sexual favor. To do anything less would just be bad manners…right?

    And furthermore, what is the best way to turn someone down, when you ARE sure you aren’t interested?

    I know this turned into more than one question and some social commentary, but if you respond to any part of this I will be ecstatic :)


    • AspieCatholicgirl says:

      I think even nowadays most people understand that a first date is not necessarily going to mean sex. The guy might be hoping that sex will become a possibility later on, but he’ll probably understand that it’s not necessarily going to be a reality right away. And he might also understand that romance might end up not even materializing, that there might, just might be the possibility that it will be the beginning of a friendship, or that it is also quite likely it will go nowhere, neither to romance nor to friendship, but will just fizzle.

      • Jolien says:

        In my past, I accepted such invitations from men that I didn’t find attractive. Just in order to give it a chance. But I realized, my first instinct never had cheated me. Those dates only resulted in awkward moments, and it is even harder to say politely no after a date than refusing a first date.
        Since, I decided I will save time and energy and I will only date men that I find attractive. It is also better not to give false hopes to someone else.

  14. Carla says:

    so….how’d things end with Jameson? ;)

  15. Antoniette says:

    If I drank 10 shots of whiskey I’d be out cold so I’m not sure that’s a good test for me. lol..maybe 5 would be a verra good indicator.

    Agreed, if it is truly a friendship, there is no reason opposite sex friends cannnot be friends with your significant other as well.

  16. Lynda uk says:

    Yes Matt I agree entirely with what you say…but I know that there are many quite ruthless women who would seduce your boyfriend or husband if they can and will try in many wily and non obvious ways. That’s why I wouldn’t like my guy to be spending exclusive time with a woman especially one that I didn’t know. There is always some sexual attraction on one side of the friendship and the other person is loving the attention Sounds paranoid but I’ve seen it and experienced it. That is not to dismiss the loyalty factor. There are many loyal guys but why court temptation. His friends must be my friends too and we should see them together and vice versa. May be I’m too old school. Love your thoughts anyway

    • AspieCatholicgirl says:

      Well, Matthew didn’t say that people need to be spending long chunks of exclusive time with people of the opposite sex. He left the question of what external behavior is prudent somewhat open (the whiskey test obviously being tongue in cheek. He stands by that, yes; but he probably doesn’t recommend it).

  17. Emily says:

    Oh my god! I have to admit I’m just a bit shocked right now… Sorry that this isn’t to the topic of the video (It’s absolutely great by the way, just for the record), but I just needed to say it. I can’t believe you’re just 26, Matthew. Excuse me, it’s not that you look old or something, it’s just… you seem to be so kind of settled in life and sort of wise. I don’t know it’s hard for me to believe that there are only 6 years between us and I’m still staggering in life.
    Just saying, you’re awesome. Keep it going!

  18. Mavis says:

    Maybe a problem is the way we view ‘connection’ in that it must always be/is always romantic and/or sexual? Perhaps strong attraction to people (like strong attraction to a new pair of shoes/iphone/pet/house) is normal and what is NOT normal/helpful is to see it only through the western prism of desire and a potential love/sex situation?

  19. A says:

    I wish you’d talk about the benefits/drawbacks of men and women remaining platonic friends when neither of them is in a relationship with anyone else. A lot of the video was about not acting on any attraction out of loyalty to a partner.

    What about not acting on attraction out of loyalty to yourself? Loyalty to the concept of that friendship? Of course men and women *can* be platonic friends. But should they continually strive preserve that platonic friendship?

    I’d like the take on this from the single person’s POV. It’s a bitter harder to suss out then!



    • AspieCatholicgirl says:

      If both friends are single…well it is up to them. If they want to change that friendship, than it is probably okay. If they would rather keep it as friendship, yeah that’s great too.
      In the case of two single people, it’s up to those two people in question, up to what they decide.
      In their case, as is the case for couples, interior, probably involuntary feelings and external willfull actions are two different things.

  20. Mel says:

    The videos where you debunk love myths are the best. I don’t want to directly blame Disney but it did give us some unrealistic ideas about love. We get jealous thinking our partners might be attracted to someone else but actually imagine being with someone who literally only had eyes for you – that’s really heavy and I imagine they become possessive. Hence why I think 50 shades is a book about a deeply unhealthy relationship.

  21. Sima says:

    Hi Matthew,
    Could you pleeaasseee make a video about how to “keep the guy”. I am looking everywhere but can’t find such a video in your videos on youtube.
    Me and many others would really appreciate it!

  22. Ann says:

    At last… Of course men AND women find others attractive even if in a relationship. It’s normal! My ex would never admit he even fancied a really hot celeb! It drove me crazy… Haha. The key message for me is ‘loyalty’ and with that ‘respect’ . All my girlfriends tell me I should stop going for the really good looking guys because ‘they’ think these would be the hardest to trust! As they would get loads of distractions.
    I don’t buy this theory as I know it’s exactly about what you’ve just described here.
    So I will keep my standards high thank you Matt for the sense and reality check x

  23. Susanne says:

    ♥ :) Heart-touching Sunday :) ♥

    With all my heart I thank you for everything wonderful you said today :)

    I loooooooooooooooooooove true romance ♥&♥ friendship :)

    If a man/woman loooooooooooooooooves LOVE ♥&♥ looooooooooooooooooves his/her girlfriend/boyfriend or husband/wife with all heart, it’s true romance :)


    “A friend loves at all times, and is born, as is a brother, for adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17)

    “Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another.” (Romans 12:10)

    “Oil and perfume rejoice the heart; so does the sweetness of a friend’s counsel that comes from the heart.”
    (Proverbs 27:9)

    “No one has greater love than to lay down his own life for his friends.” (John 15:13)

    Let us enjoy all the romance with our boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife ♥&♥ all the brotherly LOVE with friends :)

    ♥♥♥♥♥ True LOVE is always the answer :) ♥♥♥♥♥

    “And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”
    (Colossians 3:14)

    Enjoy your heart-touching Sunday :)


    • Susanne says:

      ♥&♥ With all my heart I thank you for inviting the beautiful ladies ♥&♥ me to the heart-touching MATTHEW HUSSEY live-event :)

      I’d looooooooooooooooooooove to come to your live-event :)
      I’m so so so so so so so so looking forward to everything wonderful :)
      If I had wings I’d fly to your live-event :)

      Can YOU ♥&♥ your wonderful GTG Team reserve a ticket for me? :)

      ♥&♥ I’d loooooooooooooooooooooooove to buy a ticket :)
      ♥&♥ send you 20 pounds :)Can you ♥&♥ your wonderful GTG Team contact me ♥&♥ tell me where to send it? :)

      I want to send it to you so so so so so so much :)

      I have a German bank account ♥&♥ I believe it is possible to remit everything to you :)

      I have not been to your live-event, but may I say:
      I already loooooooooooooooooooove it :)

      If everything here ♥&♥ your invitation to your live-event is so so so so so so heart-touching ♥&♥ awesome: How awesome will be to see you live ♥&♥ meet you in person :))))))))))

      I loooooooooooooove 6 hours of awesomeness :))))))))))
      It’s celebration time :)

  24. Cathy says:

    Matt, one of the things that you have said that has helped me get more comfortable/feel less threatened by a partner showing attraction to another woman is when you said “There will always be someone who is more beautiful/smart/sexy etc. than you.” but that it is the total package of the qualities you bring to the table that makes you unique and irreplaceable. Now, when I see a guy checking out a woman who is more “beautiful” than I am, I remember that I have many qualities that make me uniquely attractive, and I feel less threatened by her physical beauty. I no longer feel “one down” because I am not as _________ as another woman.

  25. Caroline says:

    I am weirdly fascinated with your eyebrows. And Im sober. But they are kind of freaking me out. In a good way. But yeah, great video. Btw Im a proper fan.

  26. Artemis N. says:

    I will make some philosophical comments if I may.

    I have reached the same conclusion as you Matt, a few years ago, in my twenties. My case – there are more “the ones” as there are qualities in those men to fulfill certain parts of my being.

    Me, I dated this last year quite rarely – maybe once every three months, even less than that. “To my shame” as some would say, even when I was in a “long term” relationship I still dated other people I liked.

    Each time I find something new about those people that I very much like and I feel fulfilled by. I describe each of those men as “the one who awakens some parts of my heart”.

    Speaking about “the one” – although a huge majority of the literary, theatre or cinema works have infidelity of “the one” as their main subject, our urge and craving for “the one” survives successfully and blissfully, this being a pointer towards the fact that this urge has deep roots inside of us.

    As I got to realize in a phylosophical manner, this ideal comes from a inner kind of “lack” that tortures us and drives us towards a lifetime quest for a miraculous person who can free us from this “lacking” and put an end to this state of incompleteness.

    Given all these, and given all my questions about relationships I strongly meditated upon, my focus somehow changed from finding “the one”, towards discovering what causes this inner incompleteness.

    Maybe it is not the best place to make these comments … but I will mention this miraculous change that happened inside of me when I changed this focus from “the one”, towards “love for love’s sake” – I can see now I enter relationships with my heart full of love and desire but with a kind of inner altitude that releases me partially from illusions that come with falling in love.

    My love – without me doing anything at all (except changing focus) became a free choice that is not driven by a mere dream of finding “the one” Love in itself became a motivation.

    When I have this state I can see my partners struggling and sometimes engulfed in illusions and I can only wait for them to get out of there, I clearly also see my own illusions – somehow STILL THERE – but not being able to touch me. I haven’t found anyone yet to understand what I am talking about, I feel kind of isolated in this perspective of mine.

    Maybe, Matt, if you consider you have an audience, can you make comments on this some day in the future? Or maybe sooner – for me.

    And a word of appreciation: me, I feel greatfull you do this huge work with yourself and then send the most essential ideas in such a synthetic manner.

    As one says, “when you educate a man you educate a human, when you educate a woman, you educate a whole generation” so our greatfullness turns towards you and your clarity of thought!

  27. Elaine says:

    BTW, Jameson was already drunk?? What was all that zoom in and out?? Was it a test so that we knew if we are attracted to you or not?? LOL

  28. Elaine says:

    I do believe it’s really normal to men and women being friends! I’ve always had many guy-friends! I think I always wanted an older brother, so they became someone like it. One or another became more interested than they should… So, as I’ve read once, they were not actually my friends, right? Because being friendly just because you have ‘other ideas’ and not being able to sustain the frindship after things are clear… Then, it was NOT friendship in the first place!

    • AspieCatholicgirl says:

      If they don’t try to actually do something non-platonic with you, then they are still just friends, even if other thoughts sometimes crop up in their heads. Thoughts that aren’t acted on, don’t count for much.

  29. Kath says:

    Exactly what I think and what I am trying to explain to some friends. Thank You! Happy to see some men can think like that either.

    I would add too that it is even a good thing to deal with attraction, even sexual attraction on a regular basis so you know what it is, what it feels like and learn to manage better these akward situations. Practice makes perfect.

  30. Raquel says:

    Yes! Again I’d like to think you’re answer my question I proposed last week. I also share the same POV you name loyalty Id like to refer to as security in ones self and partner has in their choice of friends If the other person is so worried about someone taking their attention away or looking at your hot stuff (BF/GF) it’s sad because you can’t be so possesive And selfish and have them Locked up only for yourself you have to trust them

    PS I’m very curious on the outcome between you and Jameson lol bottoms up


  31. Ruth Mcauley says:

    Nice eyebrows!

  32. Agostinha Jacinto says:

    well..i agree with you…drink safetly! :) LOL!
    i love sundays…im always learning from matt!!! :) THANKS***

  33. Missy says:

    Jess, I believe you need to put it all out on the table with him. He is a guy after all and if he can get it from you with no strings attached then why not? I’m sorry if it sounds brutal but he knows you’ll be there with open arms just waiting for him. Talk to him and see if he wants to pursue a more serious relationship.

  34. Missy says:

    Angela…..I had exact experience as you… Only she was older than I was… Go figure…….same deal with almost all guy friends too. It was as if now I was the fantasy girlfriend for all these married or attached men.

  35. Jess says:

    I personally can’t argue with everything he said in this video. Thanks Matt. But, what about if its this happened this way. My friend David, he used to lived in the same town as me. and because of his job he moved to another city, we barely keep in touch after since. But, every time he knew that he is going to have a short trip to the city that I’m in now, he always let me know in advance so that i can arrange the time to meet up with him. The very first he did that i thought to myself “okay old friend long time no see, and after this maybe i will see you in 2 years or something.”
    We slept together, but i think because we were drunk. I know this is just so called friends with benefit.
    The questions is, if he only wants to get laid, he could just go and see other girls or something. Why me?
    Why every time he is about to visit the city, he always let me know in advance and kept on telling me that he will just go there to see me. and he will not gonna come to the city if i can’t make time for him.
    Right after he left we just barely talk again because of the long distance, but when we were together, i feel like we are really clicked. like we are like minded and we make and laugh at the same stupid jokes which is i don’t think for other people its funny. At first i wasn’t confused because i knew that we are just friends, and he visited as a friend. But this is already happened for a lot of times, and i started to get confused about this friendship.
    As i never talked about feelings to him. Cause i don’t want to appear weak.

    Why would he do that? and he is about to visit again this Sunday. and I’m thinking to get him something like cologne or shirt and saying ” keep in touch and stay friends” do you think is too much? should i get him something? or better not?
    because the main thing is i really don’t want to ruin this friendship. Its like there is no way we can be together cause of long distance.
    Please help me by giving a comment?

    • Suzanne says:

      Sounds like he just wants something casual. Make sure you don’t initiate any contact with him and just respond, definitely no presents!! Make sure you date others, don’t invest in him until he invests in you.

  36. Pink says:

    My personal experience tells me that:
    1. Whenever a friendship has developed between a guy and I, “attraction” has been involved, no matter how much effort we have put into denying it.

    2. On my part, I see myself as good at being able to not to go any further with the “attraction thing” in friendship with guys on my part BUT as time has passed, my guy friends have always wanted to go further…. I can’t think of any single example that didn’t go into this direction. Who knows?!! May be I am not good at managing the boundaries with my guy friends???!!

  37. Tricia says:

    It’s kind of sad when people who are married only associate with other married people because of fear and it’s kind of sad when single people are unwelcome for fear they might entice your spouse away from you. Lots of fear going around and not a lot of trust. Sad.

  38. Irene says:

    I personally don’t drink or let me say very rare, in general.
    Loyalty has a lot to do with respect, for yourself (firstly) and your significant other, and therefore shouldn’t be an exercise in a relationship. A friend by definition is a friend, and if there was more to it I would drink over it.

  39. Tricia says:

    Thankyou Matthew for this great video.

  40. Laura says:

    I am in a relationship with someone with LOTS of female friends. I had previously been married 16 years and my ex was a “guy’s guy” and only had a couple, married women friends, and he was much more friendly with the husbands than the wives. After the marriage broke up and I started dating new guy, he wanted me to meet his female friends and I was very open to the idea. But wow did my opinion change as one after the other of these friends were openly hostile to me. It was shocking. I am not sure what he did, if he was leading them on for years, or what was happening, but they are mostly single and my guy was like a surregate husband to them and they were NOT HAPPY he was now with me!!!

    I have since done research on the friendship thing and I will NOT be friends with any of these women–for one thing they were mostly women he had dated (and slept with) and for another thing they didn’t have anyone else. So now that is a criteria–no exes and no single women. Which basically knocked them all out of the equation.

    He went into this very unwillingly at first but the evidence was clear after I had met most of them and NONE of them were what I think of when I think of a “friend”.

    • Tricia says:

      Friend= person you do not sleep with. Ex= person you have slept with. You and your “current person who you sleep” with do not seem to know the difference. There IS a very BIG Difference.

      • Laura says:

        Well I DO know now–and I think this is not always made clear by the “relationship gurus” out there–One that I am subscribed to is just recently married and he is friends with a LOT of his exgirlfriends (that he slept with ) and he claims this it is a right when you are in a relationship to have the friends you want to have.

        It was very confusing when I first re-entered the dating world.

  41. Mia says:

    I’ve been trying to articulate this phenomenon for a long time and you did it right on. Thank you for that!

  42. lisa says:

    I do believe that attraction between men and women can be just that attraction. Men and women can be friends even when there is attraction.

  43. Dominica says:

    Making REALLY sure that you just want to be friends with Jameson. You’re right, one can never be TOO sure… He is a cutie that one…

  44. Violeta says:

    The end was the best….hahhaa :D
    good video overall.
    no matter how crazy whiskey test may seem, i think there’s something about it. ;)

  45. Angela says:

    Hi Matthew,

    I agree with you partially.
    I agree with the fact the we may be attracted to someone else than our partner.
    But BECAUSE this fact, I don’t believe in friendship between men and women.
    Why should someone deliberately play with fire?!
    If I’m in a relationship, i don’t think that we should expose ourself to different friendships then to choose over them our partner every time.
    I think exactly in the opposite way….(understanding the human nature,),
    If I choose someone to be in relationship with, then I MADE this choice, and based on this choice I don’t rue choose by not giving in other people I may be attracted to.
    The opposite, I take the responsibility not to even to enter a situation like this.
    Of course, I’m speaking about friendships between men and women that may be intimate, like going out alone etc

    Go on with your great and exciting work ! I really learned a lot from you, and also if I not always agree…you give intelligent inputs.


    • Jolien says:

      I agree with you Angela. To me, it would be totally a source of stress if I would have to be aware of all the time that my partner day by day has to overcome temptation and he has to chose me again and again over other women…
      I don’t believe that such a relationship can survive for a long term and I wouldn’t feel safe living with a man with this mentality and behavior. I would like to be with a man who’s best friend is me, and doesn’t need any other best girl-friends. Hanging out with boys and have female acquaintances is of course a different thing.

      • Angela says:

        Yes, Jolien.
        For me it is not only about stress or insecurity, it is the concept that I don’t understand
        Being in a relationship , choosing already that person and taking a commitment, where is the sense to it for needing to choose over and over again over other women? (The same for women of course).
        Logically, this choice one does BEFORE taking a commitment.

        The only reason in a relationship to chose your partner again and again, should be based only between him and her…. If both needs are fulfilled apart external people.

        • Jolien says:

          Yes, indeed. I think, loyalty in a good relationship is not something we choose because it is a tool to keep the partner. I think loyalty should be the natural result of love. At least it has always been to me, when I was in love.

    • AspieCatholicgirl says:

      Matthew doesn’t specify in this video what level of intimacy is appropriate between such friends. He doesn’t say “So do whatever intimate things with your friends,” The whiskey test is obviously tongue-in-cheek.

  46. Nichole says:

    I’m not sure if I feel slightly insulted, think you’re absolutely correct in what you’re saying or both? The only relationships I’ve ever had with men, that I wasn’t related to, have been friends. I think that it’s a choice based on respect and maturity. That’s what life is about, the choices you make, good or bad.

  47. Aggie Lau says:

    Hii Matt,

    I donot think men and women can be friends only without having any attraction behind the friendship..But you are right when you said that after having an enormous amount of whiskey with huge bunch of people but yet he still not having the thought of sleeping with her then your guy is worth to be with…It is true when you said that we cannot be too naive to think our partner will not be attracted to other women but it all about loyalty…

  48. Angela says:

    Totally disillusioned with men.

    I have two guys who I’ve been friends with for years (one for over 17 years).

    Neither of them ever gave me any reason to think they wanted more then friendship, then after 23 years of marriage my husband decided to trade me in for a girl the same age as my oldest daughter. So at a time when I need my friends more then ever these guys decide it’s a great opportunity to come on to me.

    In case your wondering no, I didn’t give either of them any reason for doing so, worst of all they are both married to beautiful kind women who would be devastated if they knew how their husbands had behaved.

    So no, I don’t believe men and women can be friends.

    Sorry for being so negative guys but that’s how I feel!

    • The August says:

      Dear Angela, You did have an interesting and to say the least difficult situation. I have no comments on your husband, however, I do have a take on your male friends : The first possibility is that during the 17 years you knew them, they saw you as married, but may hae been attracted to you but out of respect for your relationship with your husband decided not to act on it.
      The second is that some men may think of it as comforting or flattery, their way of trying to tell you that despite what happened with your husband, other men will find you attractive. Basically hitting on you is their way of saying, hey you’re attractive to me even though your husband doesnt see you as such

      • Angela says:

        Hi The August

        Thanks for taking the time to comment it’s appreciated.

        Whilst I get what you are saying, this may have been them trying to compliment me, it just doesn’t sit well with me as very good friends with their wives (and compliments shouldn’t be sleazy)

        The worst of it is I just don’t know what I’ve done to encourage this I really do have a ‘f*ck off & die look’ for every man, friends included.

        Sorry not normally a negative nancy I think the pouring rain in Essex is getting to me on this miserable Sunday afternoon !!!

    • Lynda uk says:

      You are so right!

  49. Plamena says:

    I like the theory with the whisky lol :))))

    Love you Matt!

  50. Kate says:

    Interesting…..I have 4 fantastic and cherished long term friendships with men.
    I have slept with all of them ( not at the same time) and one of them is a long term occasional lover.
    So yes, I would say I definitely chose them as friends because I felt attracted to them in a physical/emotional way and also because they are good people.
    I love watching your videos Matt.
    My own preference is to have more than one man in my life because i like variety in all things.
    I did the whole marriage thing but grew tired of it all.
    My ex husband and I are still great platonic friends.

    Now I am 40, I choose to just have fun and good times.
    Best Wishes to you, you make me smile.
    Kate x x x

  51. Jill says:

    I don’t think it’s about alcohol so much as it is maturity. I have guy friends that in some way I am attracted to but feel something is missing and would hate to ruin a friendship over “a night of passion” or as I like to call it STUPIDITY. Don’t lose a great friend just because you’re horny and lonely.

  52. Brie says:

    Yes! Men and Women can just be friends. I am originally from Pittsburgh, PA. I was raised in a very nice, elite area called Schenley Heights, located above the University of Pgh.,Pitt and Carnegie Mellon We were known as Schenley Heights Girls & Boys, Sugar Top Boys and Sugar Top Girls. We were groomed to be leaders both by our teachers and parents. Any girl living in Schenley Heights was always protected by our boys. Most of us only dated Schenley Heights/Sugar Top Boys. The boys were always gentlemen. Our boys told other guys from other surrounding areas, what type of girls we were, and to never disrespect us. We laughed and joked about our friendships being raised in Sugar Top. We said that we would be friends for life. And, that is what we meant.
    As women, the guys always introduced us to their girlfriends or wives, and we always talked about “old times” and laughed. I was a bridesmaid in one of our friend’s wedding. We were present for any of their recognitions, awards, weddings, baby showers, and funerals. It has been 19 years and most of the “Sugar Top Boys” have died. They were outstanding boys, men, husbands, fathers and friends. And, I am still friends with the guys remaining. So, yes, men and women can be friends, and friends for life.

    Thank you


  53. Lenka says:

    Hello Matthwer, thank you for your video as its confirmation what is my saying. My friend always tell me that there is not friendship between man and woman as there will be always something more. Yes there maybe attraction as you mentioned, I got male friend even sleeping in one bed after bottle wine and nothing happen as we both respect each other but there is attraction but three is not the sexual attraction. I can only agree with your video as man can be friends with woman and I am the example.
    X Lenka

  54. Jo says:

    Great video as usual and I agree with everything you say and have a few platonic male friends. My question is, how can you tell if a male friend wants more?

    I’m in just that situation and I’m having trouble deciding if he has any interest beyond friendship.

    Thanks always for your words of wisdom Matt.

    Take care.


  55. ben says:

    Well I’m a guy;

    No matter who I have 10 shots of whiskey with, I’m going to sleep with them, Matthew included.

  56. Beth says:

    I agree you can be friends with guys and nothing more infact I have had many a guy who I was just friends with who had girlfriends and they were fine with it because they knew it was nothing more then platonic!

  57. Ingrid says:

    Excellent answer

  58. Holly says:

    Matt (Jiminy)

    When I am out with a man I hear things I should and should not do in an English accent…. It’s like you’re my conscience. I am going to start calling you Jiminy cricket.

    Thank you Jiminy and have a great week


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