Today I want to answer an age-old question…
Can men and women just be friends?
Can Men & Women Just Be Friends?
- Relationship & Dating Blog | Matthew Hussey
- Published date:
- Relationship & Dating Blog | Matthew Hussey
- Published date:
Today I want to answer an age-old question…
Can men and women just be friends?
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I personally don’t drink or let me say very rare, in general.
Loyalty has a lot to do with respect, for yourself (firstly) and your significant other, and therefore shouldn’t be an exercise in a relationship. A friend by definition is a friend, and if there was more to it I would drink over it.
It’s kind of sad when people who are married only associate with other married people because of fear and it’s kind of sad when single people are unwelcome for fear they might entice your spouse away from you. Lots of fear going around and not a lot of trust. Sad.
Trust is good…… Being aware is better!
My personal experience tells me that:
1. Whenever a friendship has developed between a guy and I, “attraction” has been involved, no matter how much effort we have put into denying it.
2. On my part, I see myself as good at being able to not to go any further with the “attraction thing” in friendship with guys on my part BUT as time has passed, my guy friends have always wanted to go further…. I can’t think of any single example that didn’t go into this direction. Who knows?!! May be I am not good at managing the boundaries with my guy friends???!!
I personally can’t argue with everything he said in this video. Thanks Matt. But, what about if its this happened this way. My friend David, he used to lived in the same town as me. and because of his job he moved to another city, we barely keep in touch after since. But, every time he knew that he is going to have a short trip to the city that I’m in now, he always let me know in advance so that i can arrange the time to meet up with him. The very first he did that i thought to myself “okay old friend long time no see, and after this maybe i will see you in 2 years or something.”
We slept together, but i think because we were drunk. I know this is just so called friends with benefit.
The questions is, if he only wants to get laid, he could just go and see other girls or something. Why me?
Why every time he is about to visit the city, he always let me know in advance and kept on telling me that he will just go there to see me. and he will not gonna come to the city if i can’t make time for him.
Right after he left we just barely talk again because of the long distance, but when we were together, i feel like we are really clicked. like we are like minded and we make and laugh at the same stupid jokes which is i don’t think for other people its funny. At first i wasn’t confused because i knew that we are just friends, and he visited as a friend. But this is already happened for a lot of times, and i started to get confused about this friendship.
As i never talked about feelings to him. Cause i don’t want to appear weak.
Why would he do that? and he is about to visit again this Sunday. and I’m thinking to get him something like cologne or shirt and saying ” keep in touch and stay friends” do you think is too much? should i get him something? or better not?
because the main thing is i really don’t want to ruin this friendship. Its like there is no way we can be together cause of long distance.
Please help me by giving a comment?
Thanks
Sounds like he just wants something casual. Make sure you don’t initiate any contact with him and just respond, definitely no presents!! Make sure you date others, don’t invest in him until he invests in you.
Angela…..I had exact experience as you… Only she was older than I was… Go figure…….same deal with almost all guy friends too. It was as if now I was the fantasy girlfriend for all these married or attached men.
Jess, I believe you need to put it all out on the table with him. He is a guy after all and if he can get it from you with no strings attached then why not? I’m sorry if it sounds brutal but he knows you’ll be there with open arms just waiting for him. Talk to him and see if he wants to pursue a more serious relationship.
well..i agree with you…drink safetly! :) LOL!
i love sundays…im always learning from matt!!! :) THANKS***
Nice eyebrows!
Yes! Again I’d like to think you’re answer my question I proposed last week. I also share the same POV you name loyalty Id like to refer to as security in ones self and partner has in their choice of friends If the other person is so worried about someone taking their attention away or looking at your hot stuff (BF/GF) it’s sad because you can’t be so possesive And selfish and have them Locked up only for yourself you have to trust them
PS I’m very curious on the outcome between you and Jameson lol bottoms up
XOXO
RAQUEL
Exactly what I think and what I am trying to explain to some friends. Thank You! Happy to see some men can think like that either.
I would add too that it is even a good thing to deal with attraction, even sexual attraction on a regular basis so you know what it is, what it feels like and learn to manage better these akward situations. Practice makes perfect.
I do believe it’s really normal to men and women being friends! I’ve always had many guy-friends! I think I always wanted an older brother, so they became someone like it. One or another became more interested than they should… So, as I’ve read once, they were not actually my friends, right? Because being friendly just because you have ‘other ideas’ and not being able to sustain the frindship after things are clear… Then, it was NOT friendship in the first place!
If they don’t try to actually do something non-platonic with you, then they are still just friends, even if other thoughts sometimes crop up in their heads. Thoughts that aren’t acted on, don’t count for much.
In your case, it was friendship, but it later changed.
BTW, Jameson was already drunk?? What was all that zoom in and out?? Was it a test so that we knew if we are attracted to you or not?? LOL
I will make some philosophical comments if I may.
I have reached the same conclusion as you Matt, a few years ago, in my twenties. My case – there are more “the ones” as there are qualities in those men to fulfill certain parts of my being.
Me, I dated this last year quite rarely – maybe once every three months, even less than that. “To my shame” as some would say, even when I was in a “long term” relationship I still dated other people I liked.
Each time I find something new about those people that I very much like and I feel fulfilled by. I describe each of those men as “the one who awakens some parts of my heart”.
Speaking about “the one” – although a huge majority of the literary, theatre or cinema works have infidelity of “the one” as their main subject, our urge and craving for “the one” survives successfully and blissfully, this being a pointer towards the fact that this urge has deep roots inside of us.
As I got to realize in a phylosophical manner, this ideal comes from a inner kind of “lack” that tortures us and drives us towards a lifetime quest for a miraculous person who can free us from this “lacking” and put an end to this state of incompleteness.
Given all these, and given all my questions about relationships I strongly meditated upon, my focus somehow changed from finding “the one”, towards discovering what causes this inner incompleteness.
Maybe it is not the best place to make these comments … but I will mention this miraculous change that happened inside of me when I changed this focus from “the one”, towards “love for love’s sake” – I can see now I enter relationships with my heart full of love and desire but with a kind of inner altitude that releases me partially from illusions that come with falling in love.
My love – without me doing anything at all (except changing focus) became a free choice that is not driven by a mere dream of finding “the one” Love in itself became a motivation.
When I have this state I can see my partners struggling and sometimes engulfed in illusions and I can only wait for them to get out of there, I clearly also see my own illusions – somehow STILL THERE – but not being able to touch me. I haven’t found anyone yet to understand what I am talking about, I feel kind of isolated in this perspective of mine.
Maybe, Matt, if you consider you have an audience, can you make comments on this some day in the future? Or maybe sooner – for me.
And a word of appreciation: me, I feel greatfull you do this huge work with yourself and then send the most essential ideas in such a synthetic manner.
As one says, “when you educate a man you educate a human, when you educate a woman, you educate a whole generation” so our greatfullness turns towards you and your clarity of thought!
I am weirdly fascinated with your eyebrows. And Im sober. But they are kind of freaking me out. In a good way. But yeah, great video. Btw Im a proper fan.
Matt, one of the things that you have said that has helped me get more comfortable/feel less threatened by a partner showing attraction to another woman is when you said “There will always be someone who is more beautiful/smart/sexy etc. than you.” but that it is the total package of the qualities you bring to the table that makes you unique and irreplaceable. Now, when I see a guy checking out a woman who is more “beautiful” than I am, I remember that I have many qualities that make me uniquely attractive, and I feel less threatened by her physical beauty. I no longer feel “one down” because I am not as _________ as another woman.
♥ :) Heart-touching Sunday :) ♥
With all my heart I thank you for everything wonderful you said today :)
I loooooooooooooooooooove true romance ♥&♥ friendship :)
If a man/woman loooooooooooooooooves LOVE ♥&♥ looooooooooooooooooves his/her girlfriend/boyfriend or husband/wife with all heart, it’s true romance :)
♥&♥
“A friend loves at all times, and is born, as is a brother, for adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17)
“Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another.” (Romans 12:10)
“Oil and perfume rejoice the heart; so does the sweetness of a friend’s counsel that comes from the heart.”
(Proverbs 27:9)
“No one has greater love than to lay down his own life for his friends.” (John 15:13)
Let us enjoy all the romance with our boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife ♥&♥ all the brotherly LOVE with friends :)
♥♥♥♥♥ True LOVE is always the answer :) ♥♥♥♥♥
“And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”
(Colossians 3:14)
Enjoy your heart-touching Sunday :)
Susanne
♥&♥ With all my heart I thank you for inviting the beautiful ladies ♥&♥ me to the heart-touching MATTHEW HUSSEY live-event :)
I’d looooooooooooooooooooove to come to your live-event :)
I’m so so so so so so so so looking forward to everything wonderful :)
If I had wings I’d fly to your live-event :)
Can YOU ♥&♥ your wonderful GTG Team reserve a ticket for me? :)
♥&♥ I’d loooooooooooooooooooooooove to buy a ticket :)
♥&♥ send you 20 pounds :)Can you ♥&♥ your wonderful GTG Team contact me ♥&♥ tell me where to send it? :)
I want to send it to you so so so so so so much :)
I have a German bank account ♥&♥ I believe it is possible to remit everything to you :)
I have not been to your live-event, but may I say:
I already loooooooooooooooooooove it :)
If everything here ♥&♥ your invitation to your live-event is so so so so so so heart-touching ♥&♥ awesome: How awesome will be to see you live ♥&♥ meet you in person :))))))))))
I loooooooooooooove 6 hours of awesomeness :))))))))))
It’s celebration time :)
At last… Of course men AND women find others attractive even if in a relationship. It’s normal! My ex would never admit he even fancied a really hot celeb! It drove me crazy… Haha. The key message for me is ‘loyalty’ and with that ‘respect’ . All my girlfriends tell me I should stop going for the really good looking guys because ‘they’ think these would be the hardest to trust! As they would get loads of distractions.
I don’t buy this theory as I know it’s exactly about what you’ve just described here.
So I will keep my standards high thank you Matt for the sense and reality check x
Hi Matthew,
Could you pleeaasseee make a video about how to “keep the guy”. I am looking everywhere but can’t find such a video in your videos on youtube.
Me and many others would really appreciate it!
Merci!
Sima
The videos where you debunk love myths are the best. I don’t want to directly blame Disney but it did give us some unrealistic ideas about love. We get jealous thinking our partners might be attracted to someone else but actually imagine being with someone who literally only had eyes for you – that’s really heavy and I imagine they become possessive. Hence why I think 50 shades is a book about a deeply unhealthy relationship.
Yes, yes, yes.
I wish you’d talk about the benefits/drawbacks of men and women remaining platonic friends when neither of them is in a relationship with anyone else. A lot of the video was about not acting on any attraction out of loyalty to a partner.
What about not acting on attraction out of loyalty to yourself? Loyalty to the concept of that friendship? Of course men and women *can* be platonic friends. But should they continually strive preserve that platonic friendship?
I’d like the take on this from the single person’s POV. It’s a bitter harder to suss out then!
Thanks,
A
If both friends are single…well it is up to them. If they want to change that friendship, than it is probably okay. If they would rather keep it as friendship, yeah that’s great too.
In the case of two single people, it’s up to those two people in question, up to what they decide.
In their case, as is the case for couples, interior, probably involuntary feelings and external willfull actions are two different things.