Crush Your Scarcity Mindset With This…

Today I want to give you a mindset shift.

If you’re like most of the women I coach, you’re looking at attraction (and my advice) the wrong way.

You’re asking a question that is forcing you to make compromises and that can lead guys to lose their respect for you.

I see so many women who are hung up on “one guy”, and if that’s you, you need to see this video…

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9 Texts No Man Can Resist

67 Responses to Crush Your Scarcity Mindset With This…

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  1. Stacee says:

    You are so right and so handsome! But why do they always come back? Why don’t they notice who you are and what your about when we are ready & willing to love them. However, when I am in the process of moving on and meeting other men they come back. Some guys I can ignore but there are two guys at this confusing point in my life that are my weakness. I guess since they have already shown me who they are I should just stay strong and never go back,right? Or could some men just be slow at seeing or understanding a great woman in the here and now?

  2. flower says:

    and what to do with guys who are attracted like crazy but you want them to bond ? ;)

  3. Faizah says:

    Am I the only one who finds Matt sexy when he’s upset?

  4. Theresa says:

    Matt i do not agree!! This is Bullshit! You just met woman, who couldn´t handel kindness!! You are trapped in the hot and cold thing! Wuahhahhaha… How great would it be to find a woman, who sees you and appreciating you for loving them!! This also exists … but you haven´t experienced it yet!
    If you would have someone working for you, with an very high level of service for you and your concern… you normally would say! THANK YOU FOR THE BEST WORKER!!! And you will thank him, or her, again, and again, and again, and again and again!!! Cause these people are the most incredible, they are in there work with there hole heart! We have to learn, not them! We are the problem, not them! They are the great people, we have to wake up and put them high value!

    Sure in a relationship there are other imtportant things, like beuaty (relative), and intrests (relative), and sex (relative) …………

    There can be really good reasons, to not be attrakted, and it´s very good to clear these things i a good conversation, cause we also do not want to get stuck the same…. so we will be honest! And let here go, cause we also are involved inside!!!! And if this appears to us again, and again.. we have to clear ourself… to get rid of it!!!

    • Pixie says:

      I’m sorry I just want to make sure I understand what you are calling bull on. Is it that a man, anyone actually, doesn’t want someone who is throwing themselves at them, clingy, would do anything for them or only about them when they are not even dating or is it that single people shouldn’t worry about attracting a specific person and focus on being more attractive person in general and that person becoming attracted or attracting someone else and opening yourself up to be attracted to them as well instead of focusing so hard on one person you miss other great opportunities (while single) or that you think people don’t give enough value to those that make them the focus of their life when they are not together?

  5. Marian says:

    ……. And breathe.

  6. Ana says:

    This is a killer video! I love how you handle all the topic with elegance but straight to the point. Loved it, and shared it already. I’ve seen many videos of you but I have to say: you feel and look more energized and clear here. I’m not invested in anyone as for now, but I am enjoying more and more the process of investing in myself…and for some reason, the more I devote effort to improve my quality of life, the more attractive I feel…and that’s unprecedented! I never felt attractive before. So, thank you dear Matthew for teaching about being a High Value Woman!

  7. Sonya says:

    Wow, Matt! I’ve watched this video one year ago and i thought that you have a great point – just being attractive to men. I start thinking this way and start to act in this direction. It’s been one year and what a great change for me! I’ve changed my all life. And that’s because of you. I wouldn’t do it without you and your mindset, Matt.
    I need to thank you. Thank you for being what you are.
    But it is not just me who changed. I can see it now.
    Extremely intelligent,with warm heart, artistic, alive and funny – that was you for me. It’s not that you lost it all one year later :) It’ s that you have a different radiation now. The first thing i see is the control of your energy, the nice balance that you achieve in one year. All the other things are just in the air around you, without even being shown. Wow, Matt.
    I can’t wait to see us in march 2016!

  8. Emilie says:

    Brilliant ;-) It is like the drill sergeant shouting at his troops to pull their fingers out! Love it how you care for your adopted “sisters” Thanks Matt & Co.

  9. Elena says:

    Omg…’s so True. …!!!!
    Right now i’m so focused on “that guy”! The picture you described is so accurate! Ok….fine! Enough thinking about him all day…..from now on i’m focusing on me!!!!
    You are amazing as always. …

  10. Areej says:

    Speaking of being more attractive… You’re hair is on point in this video!!

  11. Kristina says:

    One of my favourite videos. This is why I follow you

  12. louise says:

    Good reminder ;) i may be guilty…lol but trust me,moving on is easy :) once you never met them or talk to them personally, you could never say it’s a done deal.just saying. hihihi

    and oh yeah, i love the video, though it’s quite different from my culture that says be faithful and never sail in two rivers…but i think i am picking up some insights and signals here…thanks, this would help me lead to that real thing i am prepared for…this is one of the “differences” that made me considered the whole thing in the first place.

  13. Patty says:

    THANK YOU! I so needed this reminder!!! Now that I hear you say, “that one guy” is sounds so ridiculous! Obviously I should not be investing in one guy at a higher level than he invest in me. Duh!

  14. LC says:

    I watched this video 5 times in a row. I really needed to hear this. I get so caught up in a man when he says he loves me, introduces me to his family, etc., and when he disappears, all I can do is think about him! It hurts so much to have this happen over and over again in the dating world, and yet, you’re so right. There are plenty of men out there, and I must move on. Men are turned off when they realize you love them. I must learn to be better at playing the game.

  15. Charlotte says:

    Matt, thank you so much!!! You manage to surprise me with every video. Saying those words I exactly needed to hear at this moment. Thank you Matt. xx

  16. Margot says:

    Ouch, Matt. But thanks. I needed to hear that

  17. Denise says:

    Fun video and great advice. I’m living according to this principle and life is wonderful… And the people I attract also. Everything is so much better now! Thank you Matt! x

  18. Allison says:

    Awesome video!!!! Love it!!! This is something that I have been working on for a while now….and I can’t tell you how freeing it has been! To not have to constantly think about, dwell on, fantasize, on one guy….I have friends that say “Well it’s ok to fantasize every now and then” But I figured out it’s not. All that leads to is dissapointment when the fantasy doesn’t come true. And is this person spending all their time thinking about me? Probably not…so all I can do is go out there and be my best self, which is someone I’m coming to like more and more :) Once again love your stuff Matt! Thank you for all you do!

  19. Adrianna says:

    Thank you thank you!! You just reiterated what I needed to hear (again)…I just seem to forget that a lot of the time! hahaha

  20. Anastasia says:

    Amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!Thank you, it just help me so much!!!!!

  21. Naomi says:


  22. Maria says:

    I want to add, I know a lot of girls that settled because they weren’t meeting enough great guys. If they had gone out more and traveled more places this wouldn’t have happened. This scared me to death.

  23. Maria says:

    I know what your saying is right, Matt but it’s so hard to actually act on it. It just hit me yesterday that I might have missed out on what could have been the love of my life. I was to afraid to be in a relationship and pushed him away ( this was a few years ago). it wasn’t until yesterday that I realized I haven’t met anyone as special as him that pursued me. Most of the guys I meet are only interested in hooking up. Also unfortunately, the city where I live in doesn’t have enough attractive single guys. I get hit on all the time by guys that aren’t good-looking and are very needy. So it’s very, very hard to keep the abundance mentality. All I can do is grab my car & drive and check out other places! hah!

  24. jill says:

    I think there’s a few different ways to look at this. First you might be older and know what you want and can only find it in a few men, unless you’re able to travel all over then maybe you could find more then just a few men who have those wonderful qualities or Second you just can’t seem to face the fact he’s just not that into you.
    That, Matt is my 2 cents at least for this week.

  25. Claudia says:

    Thanks for this humerous approach to the subject. I think having “that one guy” for a bit can be good, just to see if it works out. However I think many of us are exaggerating and getting overly obsessed with them, without “making a move”. So THANK YOU for opening our eyes. You’re so right – once again. :)

  26. Rebecca says:

    Thank you Matt! This was the kick up the bum I needed! I wrote to you a couple of months ago about ‘this one guy’ and it was very cathartic, just writing the longest War and Peace email to you about what I should do about this guy showed me that I needed to move on and broaden my horizons and this has just re-affirmed it :)
    Thank you!!!!!

  27. Nina says:

    Will u help me understand , when u talk about scarcity, why is it that of millions and billions people around us , that we connect to that ‘ the one ‘…? Iam the same person , that why one brings the best out of me and the other can bring the worst ? Can there be a master key solutons to all diff problems and scenarios

  28. Natasha says:

    That was a fab ass chewing. Much needed. Thanks!


  29. Holly says:

    Hi Matt,

    There’s this one guy…only joking!!
    Have you had your hair highlighted?!
    Where’s the funny bit at the end?! :-(
    See you in June!! :-)


    Hols x

  30. Donna says:

    This is awesome advice not just for relationships between men and women, but for any kind of relationship.

  31. Jacqueline says:

    So true what we women do. Fabulous video and one to make sure we watch quite a few times; when we meet someone we’re interested in.
    As always, you’re information is exceptional!!!! Thank you always!

  32. Lorie says:

    Great video! I agree with you 100%! It is all about creating more opportunities!

  33. Alexia says:


  34. veronica mundell says:

    shut up already! Why are you talking about me in your video! Okay…okay…guilty as charged…

  35. donna says:

    Haha i know ive made this mistake before very good video Matthew :)

  36. Nichole says:

    I think you’re brilliant, a little cheeky, charming, etc. and I do agree with you about shifting focus off of That One Guy but I find it silly to tell women that if you start to give your attention to a different man THAT will attract the crush. I find it ridiculous that people walk around believing that EVERYONE has someone that is attracted to them, they fall in love, get married and have children. I Thought that would be my life but that’s not my reality at ALL!

  37. Cassie says:

    You are so right, I really needed to hear this today. I seem to attract attention, but the ones who talk to me or flirt with me don’t turn out that great, think I need to attract a different type of guy, or have better filters! I dress like a tom boy most of the time so don’t quite get it. There is someone out there for me, just got to keep moving forward.

    Your Mum is fab by the way. :)

  38. Sara says:

    OMG Matt I really needed to hear this right now! You really hit the nail. Thanks so much for sharing!

  39. Ju says:

    Hey Matt,
    there is this one guy….hahaha…just kidding.
    I think this was one of the best advices so far. The fact that you are so angry about this “one guy” BS all the time really gave me a big WARNING message.
    So…this is what I’m doing for ME, to become a better person: Triathlon Training. It’s been an amazing journey, and I’m meeting very humble people from all over the world. The fact that they are all good looking is just a detail, ok? !
    I’ll be in Boulder, Colorado for the second time to participate in a Triathlon Camp. It’s an amazing group of people and we would be training like real athletes for 1 week. I love to increase my performance in training through this. I work 8 hours a day, so taking a week off to go on vacation, meet people and exercise is fun and puts me in another level of training.
    my friends?? what will they be doing instead??
    They will go to Sweden to get wasted and meet guys in a bar. They are looking for this “ONE GUY” like the holy grail swedish good looking guy.
    Can you imagine, 5 single girls kind of racing to find this one perfect guy??

    Thanks for the video. Let’s be attractive to our own lifestyle.

  40. Tiffany says:

    opps cut me off!! as i was saying…. why do we do that to ourselves? i always focus on only one guy, maybe thats why im still single!

  41. Tiffany says:

    Your so right 8(….. why do we d

  42. Shelly says:

    Perfect. Just what I needed. I have been going through exactly this at work lately, and it sucks. I personally understand why I have been caught up by two guys at work at this moment, because to be honest with you I am not meeting guys outside of work right now. And it is something I really can’t change during the next couple of weeks, because I have exams and papers to write for uni aswell, all due during the next couple of weeks. BUT. I will def try to get out more once my holiday starts. Again, I really needed this video so thank you. I love how “worked up” you are about this issue, it makes it seem even more ridiculous now how I have been “pining” for this one guys attention, without actually doing anything about the matter, other than daydreaming.. buuu! Great advice, I will try my hardest to follow them ;)

  43. Lana says:

    Tell us how you really feel about this subject , Matt. I don’t think you were quite passionate enough ! ;-)

    Great words as always!! Keep them coming!! xxoo

  44. Sg says:

    Looooolll. Thanks for continually crushing the boring status quo. Nice tan btw. This video is so real. At the start of this year I gave up on the two guys I was trying to get. I’d built up pictures in my mind of them that weren’t even real and I couldn’t be my usual ambitious-scatty-inspired-relaxed-weird-funny self around them. This year I set goals for myself eg buying my first house, increasing my income, starting a philosophy class, reading more non-fiction etc and it empowered me. I can go up to randoms and start conversations when I’m in the right mood even whatever they look like (after all I’m only talking, no big deal). Eg last month I went to a friends house warming party on my own and left with 5 new friends (including 2 nice good looking guys).

    A couple weeks after a single but happy valentines day I met a guy who I’m currently dating. Then a few weeks later my ex got in touch with me to reconcile via my brother (nice but of course I’m not going back or becoming friends). During Easter I met another two guys of which one I’m attracted to, the other is friend potential. Tempted to date the first as well but he’s a friend of family so not too sure. But my point is when you loose focus on the ideals in your mind, calm down but stay open, live your own passions and allow good energy to flow in/out of you the possibilities of the people you meet and things you achieve are endless. I complete on my first house mid June, I start a self-employed job next week along side my full time work, I started part 2 of my class 2 weeks ago, I’m on a new workout/food plan and my summer reads list is full. It’s strange how it’s all coming together but I like it :-)

    • Daria says:

      It’s so great to hear that such shift of focus is really working! This is something I have to finally start doing. I’ve wasted three years thinking about one guy from my university and he turned out to be a complete idiot, however I idealised him for no good reason, since I haven’t even had a real-life conversation with him, for three years. I can’t believe how much time and mental energy I have wasted on that idiot. This is the biggest mistake every girl can make. Thank you for this comment! :)

  45. Sayuri Akimoto says:

    I have been following all of your videos for quite a time and oh my, i do agree that guys around me are amazing! I mean now I can’t talk about 1 guy with my friends haha. I talk about lots, lots of them. But you know, this makes me hard to be faithful, too bad! Sometimes you have crushes not for only one person, right?

  46. Heather says:

    “Banterous”?? :-) I love when your passion overtakes your vocabulary Matt! Regardless, the ideas are bang on as usual.

  47. A says:

    On a separate note, I have a positive story to share, though it’s not about getting a guy.

    In December you challenged us to go out and find someone in four weeks for NYE. As per the challenge, I didn’t turn down any holiday parties. I went in the snow, etc.

    I went to one party and it was a small one and I was glad I went. I met the hostess’ entire family. Now, when I interact with her and the people who were at the party again, I have an entirely different sense of ease around her and all of them. I feel vaguely closer to all of them from seeing them after dark, I guess. It’s really nice!

    So an interesting side effect I’m noticing now from the NYE challenge. Feeling closer to people you interact with regularly is a good thing.

    I think for me, the key will be meeting people in a regular setting over time. The advice about interacting with strangers is good, but for me using those skills with people I’ll know a while seems to be bearing fruit in a different way.

  48. A says:

    I don’t think there is a scarcity of men. And like Jill below, I do get faintly annoyed when I’m focusing on myself and men decide to be attracted to me. I just can’t focus on them then. Because my own goals are more important and I need all my focus to make those goals happen.

    Attraction does take some energy. For me I do have to focus on the person or I won’t feel attracted to them. It’s very difficult for me to be attracted or dating someone while focusing on some of my challenging life goals. Guys do it too. When their blueprint says are about work, they are about work first and not settling down with someone.

    The fact that there are a lot of men out there can be a another issue. A lot of people to sort through. Most of them you won’t be attracted to. Lather, rinse. Repeat. I think that’s why people choose to focus on one, whether that one likes them or not. Otherwise it seems like a neverending carousel of men you don’t want.

    But scarcity? Nah. There are plenty of men out there. Plenty.

  49. D says:

    I think you are right….I agree with you Matt…it IS true that guys lose respect for girls that are obsessed with “ONE GUY” all the time. They SEE this behaviour & lose respect for the girl. Great advice Matt!

  50. Pauline says:

    this one is so great Matt! THANK YOU!

  51. Agostinha Jacinto says:

    :) i need to go out more…then! :)

  52. Helen says:

    I love all your advice. I just don’t have the cash flow right now to buy your videos. Keep em coming.. I’ve been applying a lot of you in my life. Thank again…..

  53. Olivia says:

    Thinking about people is a way of investing and makes them more desirable. Never looked at this in that way. I definitely make people unreachable in my mind. Thanks Matt

  54. Elle says:



    Thank you Thank you!

    (yah. so maybe I needed to hear this message.)

    Dude–I vote “Matthew Hussey” for everything .. Next Dr. Phil. President of the US. You name it.

    Seriously, keep eating whatever you are eating, Matthew, because your peeps need these messages, and you sure know how to tell it to us!!

  55. Feebee says:

    I love this video. I’m going through this right now at work, so I’ll have to remind myself of Matt’s advice to get on with doing the things I like and enjoy and getting out there and meeting more men!

  56. Whitney says:

    This is such a great video, Matt. Thanks for reminding not to make myself so small when it comes to men and that self-love is so important! I’ve been telling myself for months that the hurt I feel could be healed by a man, yet I couldn’t seem to get past the initial encounters because I did not have enough confidence or respect for myself. I think I’m finally on the right track, and when I’m ready, I’ll start to develop my taste and try out a few fellas!

    Thank you so much!

  57. Joy says:

    Matt, Thank you, thank you, thank you! This is SPOT ON for me and perfect timing as well. I’d fallen into the trap of “this one guy…” and have been driving myself nuts with it this week, knowing it’s pointless but doing it anyway. After watching your video, I now have the motivation I need to stop giving a damn and truly let it go… Btw, does having a crush on you as well make it not about “just one guy?” ;) Keep up the great work! xo

  58. Kristin Weitzel says:

    Finally. THIS is the video. Not sure who edited this, but its great, finally speaking with the stakes raised where they should be. You have reached a place where I am so clear that your level of confidence and expertise on this subject matter has taught you to TELL US exactly the way we need to HEAR. Amazing work. Seriously – not just marketing to us, but really understanding us. And, after all, that is what helps you translate this message into an A-HA moment for women. Kudos.
    -Kristin, NYC

  59. Jill says:

    I have to be honest I can’t stand when a guy “starts” liking me because all of a sudden it seems I’m out there doing something. I feel like it’s a slap in the face that now he sees the worth that has been there all along but I don’t sit around trying to make a guy like me if he does great if not then why would I want to be with a guy that I have to win over.
    Change of subject….the wind is howling outside and it’s so cold…I love it :)

  60. Lyla says:

    I miss when you would interact with us in the comments, Matthew!
    Hope you are well :)

  61. Lyla says:

    First Comment :) Loved it, Matthew! :)

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