This is one of the most important videos I’ve ever made for BOTH men and women, one that I hope you’ll truly take on board if you’re currently dating a guy and aren’t sure where things are going in your relationship.
Please share this message with anyone you think needs to hear it…
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Thank you for issuing the call: “Be brave enough and courageous enough to leave, if you know you’re going to be denying someone a shot at their dreams”.
Love and friendship in action!
Whether it’s about having kids or a vocation, you nailed it!
xox
ps. Love the “Paintball vs live ammunition”, analogy!
Alright now I heard and agree with Matt 100%. We as women and men have to set the boundaries from the beginning. If you know he/she doesn’t want children at this point you must cut him loose. There are so many opportunities out there and if the one person that you care about is not on the same page, you are setting your heart up to be hurt in the end. I am 47 and never regretted letting the one that I cared about go when he had a different outlook on the future. I enjoyed the time spent and respected the time shared, but always remained true to what I wanted and expected when it came to children. Be brave. Be true to yourself and to your partner and things will go so much smoother when it is time to part ways. I promise you a relationship that has set the boundaries from the beginning will be appreciated by your partner and you will be relieved to know that you were strong enough to be honest with them. Hugs and kisses from someone who has been through the heartbreak but prevailed becuase I knew what I wanted to begin with.
Dear Matthew,
I love that you had the balls to talk about this topic. This happened to me. Even if men don’t watch this video, it lets us women understand what a real man should do. Some men can string us along even if at the beginning a woman has made it clear they want a child. Before you know it girls, your time is up and you have been dating (or in my case married to) a selfish-nice guy. By the way, what kind of relationship will you have in the long run with a guy like that. I left… with my dream and have a wonderful two year old now. Leaving what up to now has been the biggest love of my life was extremely hard. Yet, when I hear my baby laugh, it was honestly a no brainer!
I’m so happy Matt that you are letting women everywhere know how real this issue is. I love your work babe! Truly Matt, thank you for all you do. We are blessed to have you.
Dear Matthew,
I love that you had the balls to talk about this topic. This happened to me. Even if men don’t watch this video, it lets us women understand what a real man should do. Some men can string us along even if at the beginning a woman has made it clear they want a child. Before you know it girls, your time is up and you have been dating (or in my case married to) a selfish-nice guy. By the way, what kind of relationship will you have in the long run with a guy like that. I left… with my dream and now have a wonderful two year old daughter. Leaving what up to now has been the biggest love of my life was extremely hard. Yet, when I hear my daughter laugh, it was honestly a no brainer!
I’m so happy Matt, that you are letting women everywhere know how real this issue is. I love your work babe! Truly Matt, thank you for all you do. We are blessed to have you.
I’d like to respond to the latest video, every man dating a woman in her thirties must watch, and I’d like to clarify something: yes we women have a biological clock, and yes I have personally
struggled with wasting time with a guy in his forties when I was in my late thirties and he wasn’t sure/ready/solvent enough to want kids yet. However, after doing research and seeing a fertility specialist, I was told (by the male doctor) that men shouldn’t wait too long either, as their sperm count drops, slows down and older fathers having children increases the Child’s chance of being schizophrenic or autistic by almost double after a certain age. So it’s not just women who have to worry about the ticking clock. Just wanted to make that clear. Thanks!
Wow Matt, you brought tears to my eyes acknowledging what we have to deal with. Men really need to understand how it feels for us to have a ticking clock. We’re not psychopaths who want to tie a man down immediately, we’re women with a biological clock and the threat of never being mothers if we don’t meet a wonderful man soon enough. Thank you for your continually wise and insightful words. I just hope enough men see this through the forest of women you reach!
you are so lovely, Matt <3
What a lovely video message. Thanks Matt! x
Matthiew… this goes from your soul and is wonderfull. I feel so happy to have heard this tonight.
Thanks Matt,
This brings another question to mind. I’m 35 going on 36 never married and I want kids. Ten years ago I wouldn’t have thought about bringing up asking if my dating partner wanted to have kids until I knew we were in a serious committed relationship. Now, every month that goes by is a lost opportunity for me to have a family, at least that is a bit how it feels.
So, how do I date without scaring guys off, by bringing up the subject too early. I wouldn’t bring it up on the first date! Don’t you worry about me there. But when is a good time?
For example the last guy I dated, he casually mentioned about a month into our relationship that he wasn’t sure if he wanted to have kids. I wasn’t used to bringing up the kids conversation until much later down the line, but I was in my 30’s, the last serious relationship I had been in, we broke up because I wanted a family and he didn’t, I didn’t want to give my heart away again to someone who wants different things than I do. I said, “Hey, you mentioned this a few days ago and it got me thinking. Kids are something that I want. It’s not a maybe for me. If that isn’t something you want then maybe we shouldn’t continue our relationship. You don’t have to know that you want them with me, yet if you know you don’t want kids at all, then I need to know so I can move on.” He admitted that conversation was one he wasn’t expecting to have so early in our relationship. We broke up for other reasons…
So, what if the guy I’m dating doesn’t mention it early on like my ex did? How do I bring it up or ask the question without him thinking I’m going to poke holes in the condom?
Thank you Matt!
Hi Karyn, great question! I like to gauge where a man is in his life by trying to be friends with his heart and asking questions that may seem awkward but are none the less real to me and to ask as early on in a relationship as possible. We’re not going to waste time just dating around if we are sincerely looking for someone who has similar goals, right?
Here’s what I ask, “How do you invision your life to be in ___years? And “what are you doing to achieve those goals in that time frame?” Or “what’s the most challenging part in achieving those goals?”
You get to know where his heart is and then piggy back off his answers to get to know him on a deeper level.
If one of his goals isn’t “marriage” or “kids” and he’s being vague in his answers or flat out says he doesn’t know then there you go! Why waste time vein around someone who’s not all together yet?
I’ve even had one guy tell me he’s looking for a “partner in life,” which sounds amazing but would then say he’s “not interested in marriage any time soon” and didn’t explain in detail that what he wants is “a partner who will go 50/50 on his business plan.” That revelation came out a couple of months later of wasting my time working on that business plan while he had other business plans arranged with other women. Not cool! But here’s the male version of what the gold digger looks like.
Hope this helped you out, take care!
Hi Karyn, great question! I like to gauge where a man is in his life by trying to be friends with his heart and asking questions that may seem awkward but are none the less real to me and to ask as early on in a relationship as possible. We’re not going to waste time just dating around if we are sincerely looking for someone who has similar goals, right?
Here’s what I ask, “How do you invision your life to be in ___years? And “what are you doing to achieve those goals in that time frame?” Or “what’s the most challenging part in achieving those goals?”
You get to know where his heart is and then piggy back off his answers to get to know him on a deeper level.
If one of his goals isn’t “marriage” or “kids” and he’s being vague in his answers or flat out says he doesn’t know then there you go! Why waste time being around someone who doesn’t have it all together yet? It’s fun to date him but ask yourself whether that person is providing you the kind of joy you want to build a life with?
I’ve even had one guy tell me he’s looking for a “partner in life,” which sounds amazing but would then say he’s “not interested in marriage any time soon” and didn’t explain in detail that what he wants is “a partner who will go 50/50 on his business plan.” That revelation came out a couple of months later after wasting my time working on that business plan of his, while he had other business plans arranged with other women. Yes, I fell for his ambitious nature but didn’t see it as a hindrance until later. Not cool! But here’s the male version of what the gold digger looks like.
Hope this helped you out, take care!
BRAVO!!!!! Brave, brilliant, beutiful man.
I believe this to be true for women as well. As a single mother of two teenage girls, the last thing I want to do is have another child. I have met many great men in my search for true love, but I had to let them go for this very reason. If there is a GLIMPSE that one day they “might” want a child, it’s time to say thanks and good luck. Love is action. Sometimes that means letting go so they can have their dream life. If you take that from someone, the resentment they could have later could be devastating. It’s always best to exit when you know it won’t be you….
Good piece Matt!
Hi Matthew
Thank you so much Matthew, for this loving, honest message! It is a serious and so truthful thing about women wanting/waiting for that moment, getting a family. And we, women, have a sertain timeframe for that to happen. Thanks for backing us up with and being so open about this. It brings me too tears.. So breakable.. What a strong message brought with kind, upright, honest and sencire words and feelings. It just might be the thing I’m struggeling with and probably why I’m so sencire and serious right now.. What an eyeopener..
Love, Tamara
The unfortunate thing is that even though men may not feel the same pressure, their biological clock is ticking too. It’s possible for men to father children at later ages, but for the average guy fertility start to drop around much the same age as for the average woman AND their older age can affect the health of not only the child but potentially also the health of their partner during the pregnancy.
Not as well publicized or studied as it should be, and unfortunately again, that often seems to be because society likes to heap as much judgement on women as they can when it comes to anything to do with children, and any research done in the area of reproduction will often be reported with that skew.
Food for thought if you don’t want kids and you’re dating a guy in his 30s who does.
Wonderful reply!!! Thank you!!
I also thank you for this response. I have all the same thoughts, but likely would have expressed them less kindly.
The current autism surge is almost completely caused by men deciding late in life that they want children. (Even having them with a younger wife doesn’t prevent the problem.)
Sometimes these women are more interested in a sperm donor than a husband. Men beware.
This goes both ways. I’m a 41 year old female, and I don’t want kids and never have. Many of my relationships have ended because the guy I’ve been dating knows that he wants to be a father someday. I’m curious where all these guys who don’t want kids are because I can’t seem to find any of them.
Beautifully spoken. Thank you.
Thank you Matthew for being man enough to speak this. I have sought to share as much with my former… (Who is with a girl, in her 30’s and his Jr., never been married and never pregnant). My former has 6 children (by me) through marriage. Children and marriage are what he now mandates she deny herself that she might be with him carrying on in my family where I once was (with a different noose around her neck).
I finally discerned my experience with him (her and my children) to be narcissistic abuse as he played them as his pawns. I was in psychic, spiritual and emotional shock! Already I had been through so much I no longer had the juice to keep fighting the (illusions) of storm and sea he sought to wage upon me as though I “should” be grateful. As these wars and vendettas were his proof to me of his love… GAG!!! They were NOT.
Should I have known this term before I divorced (and on the earlier onset) I would have removed my children from their father’s presence as i removed myself. Seeing as how these encounters happened on “his” weekends… I didn’t believe the law (which is screwed up) would support me.
I don’t know what woman in her “right” mind would step into another woman’s family as though she didn’t exists… All because she’s having “sex” with her ex and call themselves “in love”….
Writing this alone sickens me. She spends her money and her time with my children and my family (even my extended family) as though I never existed…
I refuse to be near them and I will only attend my children’s public events open to the general public.
She claims to not want children and to be fine with “never” marrying though she proposed to him before she came to terms with his mandate of her. Supposedly, this is both of their BEST relationships ever! (GAG!)
And, what I know of my former… He is only into women who have within them a maternal instinct having been terribly wounded by his own. He also has the proclivity of mandating women exploit their own heart and soul in the ways he knows them to be “virginal”.
So, like I said, thank you for speaking up! As I am pegged as being “crazy”, “jealous” and having not a clue about what I speak…
I have been hurt and I allowed myself to be taken advantage of. I’m still alive and that was a choice I had to make because I was prepared and willing to die should I have believed that option to be best for my children.
It is not. And, quite honestly, I was doing everything in my power to see to it that their father was not taken out of this world in what could otherwise have been considered… An untimely death…. With how he pushed himself (and me) in the living of his life…
Yes, I was VERY ANGRU and hurt for a long time…. I am now recovering and beginning to build a life I can want to share with my children and family.
I have 5 daughters and 1 son. I want better for my children and they deserve as much! And as much as I don’t and have not wanted my formers “person” in their lives. She deserves better than what she has settled for. My children and my family are NOT and CANNOT be hers.
I did the work and my creation came from my heart, my soul, my body and my consciousness. Not hers.
My ex is a fool! And, I was a fool to step in the ring with him as he played out his boxing match (against “God”) on me. I have further been a fool to allow it to progress to what it became.
My children will have their own initiation processes to go through as we all heal and come into Who (and what) we ARE. Love, purity, consciousness and LIGHT.
This is fantastic! Pure truth! If she wants kids and you don’t, break up with her. If you want kids but he doesn’t, break up with him. It’s the only way. Lives are RUINED every day because people who didn’t really want to be parents, ended up with kids. Anyone who isn’t intensely interested in spending a few decades parenting should skip it.
Beautiful.this is the most genuine advice.i followed the same principa , both of us are very happy , she is spending a very beautiful life.i am so happy to see her smiling.