This is one of the most important videos I’ve ever made for BOTH men and women, one that I hope you’ll truly take on board if you’re currently dating a guy and aren’t sure where things are going in your relationship.
Please share this message with anyone you think needs to hear it…
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By far the kindest and wisest video I’ve seen…thanks Matthew.
Matt you did this soooooo right. This is the most of support I have ever gotten.
God bless you Matt. Keep up the good work.
Thank you.
Lucy.
Thanks Matt xox
I am 27 and the problem is that I want to settle down with him.But not so sure if his work is more important then me.I love him so much don’t want to lose him.
Bravo! Well stated. Thank you, Matthew.
Beautifully worded, thank you Matt for caring about our happiness. I hope to find someone like you.
Thanks for bringing up this important topic, Matthew. At the same time, I take issue with the way our society frames age of conception as a strictly maternal issue, when the age of paternity is being increasingly found to be associated with higher rates of miscarriage, illnesses, etc. Yes, encourage these important conversations and consider both people’s desire to have children (or not), but encourage men to consider their age relevant, as well. There will still be men who have “Peter Pan Syndrome,” thinking they can delay fatherhood indefinitely even if it’s something they eventually want, but hopefully some of them could be a little better informed about the risks of delaying, just as women must consider.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2566050/
That is something that I’ve been waiting to hear addressed for a while. May I ask what was the inspiration behind it? It puts a true face to what a woman feels without making us look like some kind of manipulative she devil that tricked a man into domesticity. It the most honest expression of what some of us in our 30 s want without feeling guilty for it.
Thank you for this. I never knew I wanted children till now and I’m 36. The worst part of it is that I was the one that was not sure in my past relationship of 7 years with someone. It’s been 4 years since the split and now the pressure is on and I haven’t even found someone. It’s a heartbreaking matter. Especially considering the fact that I’m a big believer in adapting to the person your with before you have a child.
Well done Mathew!! You are the best! You understand women so well and with such a sensitivity.. As always.. Thanks!
Let’s open this once and for all – a lot of women in their 30’s, I would say especially 34-40 really want to start a family, and yes they are in some kind of pressure because of the time frame, they have to be responsible for their lives if they want kids, but still it doesn’t mean that they doesn’t want a loving relationship with a true partner. This is the same thing as guys want. So women won’t settle on love just to have a kid right now (usually), but they can’t afford themselves to “waste time”.. That’s how I feel..
By the way, in many many cases those girls wanted to have love, relationship and family much earlier in their lives and did a lot to try to achieve that, but with years, and with the age, when it didn’t happen after all, the pressure began..
This is a beautiful and brave message. As other have said, it goes both ways, and more emphasis should generally be put on the fact that men’s fertility declines, too. But it is so refreshing to have this matter addressed in a sensible and sensitive way.
I have broken up with a man I loved deeply for this reason. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, and I’ve questioned it sometimes. But at the end of the day, no regrets: staying with someone I love and giving up on my dream would have meant not loving me enough, and would ultimately have made him miserable, too. What has saddened me most, however, was the assumption I have sometimes encountered, that I’d supposedly just be looking for a sperm donor, and that I didn’t love him enough if I did not stay with him unconditionally. I’ve never understood how one could banalize the wish to have a family that way, or how a person would ever be expected to stay in a relationship (not love: stay!) unconditionally.
Thank you, Matt, for putting some healthy and loving ideas out there.
Powerful message Matt.
Thank you for keeping it real and speaking about a matter that speaks to the heart. I love kids, have always wanted 1 or 2 of my own and have had plenty of experience with them over the past few years as an English teacher. As I am now in my mid-30s and actively dating, I have been thinking about this topic a lot lately. It’s definitely something that can be difficult to talk about, let alone bring up to a new guy, but you are so very sincere and real with this message.
I’ve read your book multiple times this summer and it’s one of my favorite items on my bookshelf. I am taking your advice very seriously as I am dating and respect your ability to deliver sound advice with class, intelligence and compassion for readers.
Thank you so much.
Matthew Hussey, you are a really good guy. I really appreciate your perspective on these kinds of things, as well as other advice you give. So many sources on the Internet just aren’t safe spaces for women to be reading. Thanks for what you’re doing.
Matt, one word, just one word I want to say about your post.
RESPECT
You are amazing. Thank you.
I really appreciate what you are doing for us, keep it up
I wish we could get this post out to everyone. It is the most loving thing one can do and we can get so jammed up in our feelings and attachment. As a woman who doesn’t want children and dating a younger man who does, I had to do the same thing. His desire to have children is very important to me and I want him to have it. He has had a hard time letting go but we’ve done it with love and care.
I was dating a man in a similar situation – but she had broken off the relationship (he has grown children and even now grandchildren) in order to find someone she can create that with. They’ve had a hard time detaching and have stayed close, but I think he hasn’t been strong enough to usher her away from the attachment , yet. They both know the truth but it is really hard.
Another concern that all men have and it’s not unfounded, is a woman getting deliberately pregnant. The most wonderful women have done this- it’s no myth. I’ve known a few and these are women I love. They are not proud of having done it and they will live with such guilt forever. A man MUST protect his reproductive rights if he does not want to be a father. It’s the only way to keep his choices his and there is only 2 ways to do it. Never give someone else the control over that right. Birth control pills don’t fail- they do when they are not taken as prescribed ( lots of women forget and skip a couple days by mistake) or when the woman deliberately takes them incorrectly.
This is the single WORST video to EVER happen to me !!!! I was in a loving relationship of a year – I had moved from Autralia to Amsterdam to be with my boyfriend. We were living together and building a life together, talking about kids and marriage. We were working on making it work even though it was a tough transition for me moving to a foreign city.
We are both 33 and I freaked out and after watching this video and then felt the need to make him watch just to “make sure” we were still moving in the right direction and heading towards kids in the next few years. WELLLL he freaked out BIG time, broke up with me couldn’t get past the idea that I was putting major pressure to have kids right away and now we are broken up, I’m back in Autralia (living with my parents) and heartbroken missing him desperately. I’ve never had a sadder blubbering airport goodbye, we are still very much in love – we talk ever few days and text but now I am in no mans land wondering what the hell happened ???? And what to do now ???
Thank you, Matthew, for sharing this message & information. I hope everyone who listens will understand that humans ought to be treated with respect & dignity. I wish most guys had half the manly dignity you have for women. Keep doing the good work!
I think if a man doesn’t love a woman, has surely to leave her to pursue her dreams, but a man who loves a woman stays with her and create a family. Otherwise it’ not love.
So what is “If you love her, leaver her”??
Non sense.
He’s talking about compatible life goals sometimes there is no compromise