Some people are much more confident on first dates than others.
Some people are fine on dates but don’t get any because they’re not proactive enough when meeting men and so rarely go on any. But if you’re reading this, I’m going to assume that you’ve got one lined up in the next few days and that you’re ready to mop up all my first date tips for women…
1. Do Something With An External Focus
This is a big one. So many people decide that going for dinner and drinks for the first date is the ‘safest’ and best option… How wrong they are!
Dinner is perhaps my least favourite first date idea of all. Why? Because it’s such a high pressure environment. You’re sat next to a guy you barely know for at least 90 minutes (if not more!) eating (which is hardly the most gracious thing in the world) and if there is the slightest lull in conversation, it immediately becomes incredibly awkward between you both. Sounds like the perfect thing for a first date right?
I often think that people convince themselves that they’re terrible at dates, when in reality they just set themselves up for it with bad, conventional ideas. Just because that’s all anyone else ever does, doesn’t mean you have to do it too.
– So what can we do instead Matt?
There are so many things you can choose to do which have an ‘external focus’. What I mean by this is doing something where the attention is away the two of you. This could be going to an art gallery, the zoo, or even ten pin bowling.
Why is this so much better? Firstly, as you’re actually out doing something, you’re going to find far more to talk about. And secondly, it’s far more relaxed and casual so you can quite easily wander off for a moment or two to look at something.
2. Set The Right Tone For The Date
They say first impressions dictate everything, and when on a date this couldn’t be truer. The first few minutes are crucial to get right, and your aim for them should be to break the touch barrier, get into an interesting conversation and start flirting with each other.
If you suffer from the ‘gauche greeting’ on first dates, don’t worry; you’re not alone. It seems these days that everyone has a different way of greeting each other, and this can create a great sense of hesitance and reluctancy to do anything.
I’m sure you experienced thinking like this before…
– Do we hug, shall I kiss him on the cheek, kiss him on both cheeks, shake his hand or just stand here like a melon!? What should you do to greet a guy?
This might seem like quite a trivial point to pick on for the more tactile reader, but it’s vital to get right. Small details like this really do predetermine the tone of the date. My advice would be to use this as an opportunity to immediately break the touch barrier and confidently greet him by kissing him on either cheek. This immediately demonstrates a great confidence and allows you to be a lot more flirty with each other right from the off.
Getting the conversation onto something interesting shouldn’t be too difficult when following step one; you’ll be talking about either monkeys or Monet. But if you ignore step one and find yourself detained to the dinner table talking about napkins, you can’t say I didn’t warn you!
3. Plan The Second Date On The First
This rule isn’t actually confined to first dates; it applies to pretty much every interaction you have with a guy you hope to see again.
Why is it that so many women go on fantastic dates with guys; they get on amazingly well together, they laugh, they joke, they flirt, he even walks her home… and they never hear from him again?! What’s going on?
This happens all too often, and perhaps the most important of first date tips for women that I will tell you is to arrange a second meeting whilst on the first. Typically people end a date by saying something along the lines of, “this was fun, we should do it again sometime.” And from experience I can tell you that this is only going to end in uncertainty and two weeks of staring at your phone, waiting for him to call.
It’s an easy enough problem to resolve. When you’re talking to a guy and something is mentioned that could be a potential date idea, for example…
“I haven’t been to the zoo since primary school”
– Use these it to your advantage and plan the next one. By doing this, you solidify the idea in both his mind and your own, so you’re far more likely to actually do it. The more specific you can be with the logistical detail, the better.
Doing this also means that when you haven’t heard from a guy for a few days, it allows you to follow up with a more casual text like “Don’t let me down, I’ve been looking forward to seeing the monkeys!” rather than just calling out of the blue to see what’s happening.
So there you have it, my 3 essential first date tips for women! Hope you enjoyed the article, and if you’ve got any comments, questions or feedback, do let me know :)
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