Here’s how to understand what men want in a woman, without feeling confused or lost!
Men don’t want a challenge, but they do want to be challenged!
Let me explain this.
Actively trying to make yourself a challenge will only leave a guy interested in the chase. And when women make guys obsessed with the chase, the guy loses interest in the woman he’s chasing soon after he’s “caught” her
Alternatively, being a challenging woman implies a sense of continuity, rather than becoming a single challenge which once completed becomes boring.
So how do you be a challenging woman?
Answer: What men really want is a woman with her own life.
What a man wants is to know that he is being fitted into your weekly planner, rather than you giving up everything and going to set up camp in his!
I can’t stress this enough, in men’s minds it is unattractive if after only a brief time with him you give up the rest of your life (friends, family, hobbies) and replace them with him.
But take note – this is absolutely NOT the same as the old idea of “playing hard-to-get”.
Why hard-to-get doesn’t work…
Playing hard to get is only an illusion of independence, which will quickly vanish after the ‘chase’ is over.
Hard-to-get only teaches you to pretend to be an independent, interesting and confident woman, instead of truly being one.
Looks aren’t enough!
A common misconception from women about what men really want is looks.
As I said before, guys reserve their deepest level of respect and attraction for those women who are independent and confident in their own life, with or without a man. Remember, when a guy is attracted solely by looks, he has then formed in his mind a singular challenge.
If anything happens it will have been on the basis of physical attraction solely, and therefore the guy will have completed the challenge of getting the woman, who he is only physically attracted to, rendering the woman much less worthy of attention.
Perhaps this is why many men may have one-off flings with much younger girls, but the same men have a much deeper sense of desire and attraction for more mature women; often significantly older than them, with whom they often enter into more meaningful and passionate relationships founded on their attraction to the woman’s independent and challenging nature.
Remember, confidence and independence is sexy, people-pleasing, being needy and fake isn’t. True confidence and independence will keep you sexy for a long time to come, but it needs to come from within. The power to be what men want is, and always has been, within your grasp.
By the way, if you want more advanced techniques on what gets a guy’s attention, make sure you read my post on How To Get A Guy To Notice You.
Are you ready to have the love life you want? And understand what men want once and for all?
Ok so we know the basics now and can get a feel for what men want, but let me ask you a question… what do men really want in a woman? What is it that makes them feel deep attraction towards you, call you, stay committed to you? These are just some of the topics that I cover in-depth on my newsletter which is FREE. So if you’re ready to take your dating and relationships to the next level, I urge you to sign up today and you can be reading the first newsletter within 2 minutes from now, so go!
65 Replies to “What Men Want In A Woman… REALLY Want!”
It’s really a cool and useful piece of info. I am glad that you just shared this helpful info with us. Please stay us up to date like this. Thank you for sharing.
I don’t get why some of the comments on here seem so angry it’s just fun ideas to try to get a boyfriend and be a good girlfriend
Wow! Thank you!!!! This just totally changed the way I think about men:)
So well written! You broke down the mystery all women struggle with understanding into something so clear and straight forward. Nice. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this.
You really give a clear male perspective women can relate to. Refreshing. I’ll remember these tips! Thank you.
As a man. After reading this I got a question. Was this written by a woman? Or is this geared to one type man? I will give a little insight to a man. No matter what year it is. How much time has pasted. A man is still a man. Look research what roll nature placed a man in. Test it with your next man an see how much he is drawn to you. Think of the story of the scorpion an the frog. Its so true. No matter how much knowledge we have or how much we try to change. From the second we was born nature play’s a large roll in our subconscious mind. And in yours.
Here is another article about what men really want but doesn’t really say the real truth about it. I mean no offense to the writer but I am kind of wondering if this was written by a man. Sometimes there’s just too much generalization and wrong conclusions made about us men and it’s sad.
Please women note that this information suggests the thought process of a very specific man, the type of man that consciously sees you as a conquest. Do you really want to understand a man like that so you can seek him out.
Some of this stuff is somewhat correct as a generalisation to all men, but i think it looks at our thought process as being a female with different goals. I can only speak for myself, but i’d say there are many men that would agree with me. I don’t seek a woman in which i can identify and independent or challenging nature, it’s so not about the traits themselves, it’s the effects seen in you personality that matter. I guy doesn’t want an independent girl because we can tick that box, we look for a girl that doesn’t cling to us all the time and expect us to do the same. So the source of a behavioural characteristic is less important, the characteristic itself is what is important and what occurs to us.
One of the most important misconceptions i’ve seen women have about men is that we function the same as a woman in a mental sense. Men don’t think, we feel. Now that might sound contradictory to the stereotypical stoic male persona, but what i mean is that we don’t usually have conscious thought guiding us, it’s much more readily, conscious sensations. An example of the top of my head being, we don’t think something like “hmm, i feel hungry, i guess i’ll go get something for lunch”, we just get the singular feeling telling us “hungry”(not even as a word, just sensation) so we respond to that feeling and go find food. That manner of thinking applies to many of our thought processes about things we experience in life. So really, we don’t interact with a girl and think “okay because she’s doing that she feels this way and she’s thinking this and she’s that type of girl”, no, we just think “i like when she does that” or “i don’t like when she does that”. Guys are basically just really simple straight forward in our seeking a compatible mate, each aspect of you we either like it or we don’t or it’s just “meh” and doesn’t really matter either way to us. Anyway i could talk about this kind of stuff for hours, but i’ve ranted for plenty now, so i’ll stop, and again everything i’ve said i believe to apply to almost all men, but i can only truely confirm it for myself.
Apart from physical beauty, men want a woman to cook, have sex on demand and not have an opinion.
And a job, too.
My man is a great cook. I’m the one who wants sex on demand and am getting very little. The opinions thing does cause conflict, I’ll agree there. He’s bored w/me sexually cuz I’m not a challenge anymore. I can’t just say, “No” when he wants sex. That would not be in my best interest cuz I’m already frustrated from infrequency & boredom on his part, plus he’d ask why & I’d have no answer. I need to find some way to get the chase back on cuz he thrives on it. (We don’t live together). He’s like an unhappy bored dog lying on the side of a quiet road w/no cars to chase.
saying men don’t want a woman with an opinion is far from the truth in fact men rely on your opinion to validate a lot of the things in their life. its all about the approach. he faces a lot of competition and challenge outside… at home he just needs compassion and ease. men want women who are smarter than they are.. but don’t make him feel stupid when you say your opinions. men are fragile. the approach is everything you have that power as a woman don’t waste it by always feeling and acting like the victimized sex as well as been arrogant. rather appreciate yourself cause you are everything he is not and he is everything you are not.
how about you tie him down, tease him until he’s on the brim of tears and then let him there. That’d be a good punishment/lesson ;)
a guy texted me asking out.
I said that if he come in 10 minutes I will go out with him. I thought that this would have been challenging and interesting.
He did not come and did not text me again.
That actually comes across as desperate not a challenge.
Most challenging women are genuinely busy in their lives that she schedules the date for the next week or weekend not 10 minutes. That’s the opposite to this article.
Or it’s just depend on the person. Someone else could have seen it as a challenge-joke. What I mean is it’ll add an unconscious pressure or mystery as to whether she’s serious or not.
Then may be he didn’t see her as even that desperate but dominative “feminazi”. When I first read it, it felt a bit cold and like “If you’re not there too bad for U, there’s a line waiting to have me. Your turn. You miss it, well your loss”
Useful information. Lucky me I found your website by chance,
and I am surprised why this accident did not took
place in advance! I bookmarked it.
Thank you and welcome! Let me know how you like the blogs, Stephen x
Are law students really “undate-able”? Because when men learn that I am a law student they just go away.
I just read a comment above saying that he’d rather be single than dating an average educated american girl. Nor to forget how some people see lawyers or anything related to it. You should know it’s quite impressive/scary. My 2 cents is that you shouldn’t go out of your way to chase ’em. That kind of stuff always end ugly, believe me
Can I know why men stop talking to me after seeing my pic? It happens to me twice
Because when they see no pic they only have your words to go on. so they form a mental picture of who you are to go with your words. your words say he is interested and attracted to you. then after you show him your pic, the mental picture he has of you is gone. more times than not he will disappear and that is just how it goes. you didn’t do anything wrong so get that out of your head. men do the same to women as they think they are not attractive enough to women if they saw them too. and yes women will disappear too. not all men and women are like this but there you have it. it’s an illusion buster.put your pic on before speaking to anyone and if they don’t like how you look then there loss. simple as that. their loss because they can only see an image and nothing else.
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Been married – currently a commitment phobic. Not sure how practical is for me as an American in Florida. Agree with the standards and am working on my stuff. Really busy with my life right now though I’d like to attend one of your seminar. Agree with some of your stuff and some of it makes me wonder. Anyway, thanks.
I find your article is useful send me more.
I have always referred to myself as a “rare gem”, so I laughed out loud a little when I heard you say this in one of your videos. It’s more so been a term I’ve used to describe myself for at least the past 3-4 years as I get to know myself more. It’s been some serious mental and emotional work and investment, but I’m learning to enjoy the beauty and freedom, etc of being single, while appreciating the growth in my personal and professional life. It’s not always easy, and I’ve definitely met some men I’d like to say, “yes” or “i do” to tomorrow :-), but it’s been an extremely liberating and peaceful journey at the same time. There are many things I’m am focusing on learning and improving in myself, while at the same time trying to understanding ways to effectively communicate with other men and any human being. Let me tell you, for a type A (ENTJ), who really learned how to fine tune her controlling/perfectionism in college, this has been quite the character building journey. I’m sure I have a long ways to go, but I have always asked/prayed to be the best person I can be to myself and others and in return attract the best friends and future husband (who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread). What I have come to quickly realize is that with this honest expectation, I am going to have to also learn to embrace the virtue of patience. I can see small improvements as I continue to grow and put myself in emotionally vulnerable situations. These small changes are so encouraging and eventually accrue to big developments and improvements!
I hope this speaks to some of you and to your benefit. All the best to all of you seeking authenticity in yourself and your relationships in all walks of life!
Why men things they are supperior idont like it
but they are
men are not superior, remember you were born through vagina hanks to a vaginas love and body we are all here
men are not superior. men are different. we both are. we both have our different strengths and we need to respect our differences. i am not for all this feminism blah blah blah. at a time yes but not now. its getting a little ridiculous.
I understand women POV and had a hard time digesting it, but men are superior than us. In a general point of view, I mean. Sure there are tons of women far better and more useful than tons of men, but compare women to men having the same strenght: men mostly than not win over, even in departments that are supposed to be women strenght like in gastronomy or fashion… unless you come with numbers proving this wrong. Not because there’s someone better that you shouldn’t try your best though. people usually forget that and turn life into a nasty competition instead of a beautiful journey about improving oneself :/
Ok well for anyone who might actually read this… firstly some of the other comments by men where they go in depth are pretty spot on.
Most of the comments from women are useless idiotic feminazi spoutings of a shitty,whirring and unfair opinion of men. And women have the nerve to label men as sexist pigs. Oinky pinky here piggy piggy.
Ok this arrival ids also useless crap either written by a woman or a hen pecked, castrated husk of a an that’s been beaten into submission tho the point he has no opinion of women,Men or what they want he just keeps respecting what his wife screeches at him while cracking the whip which is “strong! Independent! Challenging! Woman!”.
Or at least that’s what I gather considering its the only thing that was said in this article and was said not 8 times at that in a clever enough guise that most people won’t even catch it.
Take all this crap and Chuck it. Now Idk maybe it was Sam… I’ll but whoever said men run of our instinct, action/reaction, sense and feeling and are over all pretty straight forward and simple was dead on the money.
It’s true and if we could skip through the jokes, ridicule and stereotypes for a second men are more proactive and animal like in that sense. We are, plain and simple, down in the core sands our basic functions and brains we’re not that far of from the beats.
But is it a bad thing? After all even the most die hard button up independent woman can’t deny that deep down she wants and craves and yearns for and desires a proactive untamed beat of a man that is over taken by her and losses control of all sense and sensibility and is just enraptured by his desire for her and sweeps her up and carries him away with her where she’s completely savage and wildly untamed and doesn’t have to repress or control herself. Yes I have read women’s romance novels. I see what you want.
What men want?… what women want and tho be what women want and to just be what they were made tho be… men.
Men want and need and crave almost everything that a woman does. Love, attention, affection, intimacy, desire, to be desired, to be significant, wanted, needed, the only, sex (yeah you knew it was in there somewhere), they want comfort, someone they can cuddle up and be close to, they want someone to cherish and dote upon, someone that they can point to and “look, woman. Mine woman, look beautiful, I found that, mine woman” like a caveman proud of the wonderful bountiful treasure he’s found for himself.
A man wants a partner who will be there for him and support him and make his house a him (sounds sexist but let’s face it ladies men just aren’t very good at the whole decorating and nesting thing and with out a good woman that’s made a nest it might as well be a prison cell because that’s what it’s gonna feel like. It is not a Home), wants a woman that will help raise his young and make them strong and smart so the species survives. Wants a woman to fight over to guard and protect,to have and tho hold, one that appreciates him when he appriciate her (ever scolded you for bringing you a dead bird? To a cat a dead bird it the ultimate e way off saying “I love you and you matter to me and I was thinking about you… here’s food”… but to a human woman It’s a STUPID disgusting appalling gift. Gets are dumber than cats…) her wants a woman that makes him feel inspired tho appriciate her and shower her with thanks and all he can offer… a an wants tho feel and be needed and a woman that needs him but also doesn’t need him but chooses him regardless.
Yes confidence, strength, independence, intelligence it’s all incredibly attractive… think going back to cave man assassin a woman who was all that could survive on her own and keep the offspring alive and was ultimately less work… sure he might have to sleep pin the log from time tho time… lol
Also I know it’s 2014 and woman’s rights and independence and woman empowerment blah blah… yeah worst shit for the species. It’s all fine and dandy but it’ll probably never over write… what 10,000 years of instinct and adaptation and Mann having to get this shit sorted out and put into order? Males have needs and a role that’s been hardwired in for thousands of years and they HAVE tho be able to fulfill that role otherwise they will never be able to be happy, never be able to be satisfied, nothing will feel right… not good. I’m not saying it had to be primitive abusive savage stuff but for peat sake let the men be men and they’ll make you feel like the woman (not a bad thing. I’m not talking coming and cleaning though it does kinda go back to the dawn of time. I’m talking where you give up being strong and being he macho woman and just let yourself be weak sho her can be your strength so he can feel strong So he can make you feel safe and secure and make you feel strong in him) just let him bed the man see you can be the woman and feel like the woman. It’s ok to be a woman there’s nothing wrong with out, its a wonderful thing. But if you’re trying to bed the he man and the protector and provider and head of household everything’s gonna be shitty for both.
Ok so aside from all that… a gentle kind big and warm heart… like said earlier men don’t think they feel. You’d beef flabbergasted at the different energies we feel and the things we sense. Soggy soft gooy warm and beautiful eyes we can get lost in. Every woman can have these eyes; The eyes are the window to the soul, if you have a good soul just look deeply in his eyes and let him in till you can feel it.
Mental stimulation. The biggest most potent sexual organ it’s the brain, with out a decent mind and intellect … yeah ever seen the Paris Hilton sex tape, I couldn’t even watch that boring crap.
A mind of her own, just as important. W halves of 1 which o let but 2 different things work together better than 2 exact copies our a carbon copy. Just think of how disappointing a hot fudge sundae would need it you replaced the hot fudge with cold vanilla ice cream. So be your own independent person with your own likes and hobbies and interests and views and wants and desires and opinions… and for Fuck sakes when man, being probative, is hungry all he knows is he feels hungry, he doesn’t know what he want or what; that’s why men stare in the fridge and walk away… either they forgot what they were doing because mud don’t think we’ll our they’re hungry, open it up… “Fuck it’s all ingredients, no real food in there” So when he asks where you want to go to eat don’t say “I don’t know/I don’t care” he’s asking you because going back to primitive days it’s not about what he wants or needs outs about what woman and you wants and needs. That’s why he asked. So have Ann opinion.
Idk my brain is fried from thinking ask this.
Wow Aj,i get your perspective.
Even thought it’s almost a year from when you wrote this. I stronger felt I needed to comment and say “You are Correct!”
I so agree with you. I am female and i agree. I feel men especially in america are constantly been emasculated. i don’t want to live in that world.
I do believe in feminism. The problem is that like most beautiful notions in society, feminism has been somehow modified in a “dark way”. Feminism should have been about woman getting more confident, being more independant and having the right to choose. Instead it ended in MAN VS WOMAN. Don’t know who started first but now hate is spreading from both sides.
Feminism should have helped women in having better relationships that are based on love, communication but most importantly RESPECT. These notions would have ended in each relying on the other. Men can support the household in hard them and be the shoulders on which women cry but man sometimes know that kind of moment. That’s when women could take over and be that refuge. These three notion would have perfectly made it. In hard or good times, even through divorce. But this is society :/
Thank you for this AJ.
i think some people still dont get it. this doesnt seem to be an article about militant feminism or any of that stereotypical lame ‘independant woman’ crap. its simply explaining that you have to genuinly value and love yourself as an individual and stop acting up if you ever hope to find true love. nobody wants a clingy doormat with no self respect – that spells that you are a weak specimin. also red signals flash when somebody hates themselves to such an extent that they ‘need’ someone else to make their lives better – plus its frankly frightening. one can not love another person or have a good and exciting relationship if one does not value and love themselves first. that goes for both sexes. both men and women need that aura about them that they are amazing by themselves but another person in their life is a beautiful miracle and a bonus and they will be greatful for it. nobody wants to be a life raft.
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