The Dumbest Dating Mistake Everyone Makes…

In this week’s video, I’m about to show you a huge mistake 99% of people make in dating.

Make sure you don’t fall into this common trap…


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92 Replies to “The Dumbest Dating Mistake Everyone Makes…”

  1. Very interesting, Matthew! Of course you’re right. We want to see him again. Not everyone has ten men in rotation. But . . . we can’t. Block with a smile, I get it. We just have to plan never to see this dude again. #noDrama.

    But then why be sweet at all? I’ve always been sweet but I regret it sometimes. I’m especially sweet if I’m done with him but sometimes it feels like I haven’t called him out. But the time to call him out is before one is done.

    If the sweetness does get him attracted to you again, should you give him another chance?

    My gut says no. I wonder what others think.

    –Autumn

  2. This is like zen enlightenment for me! I HAVE been the angry, bitter, sarcastic woman who belies her words with actions — like taking him back a week after his transgression — and will rinse/repeat the cycle the next time.

    I will now simply flip the script — and look forward to the results.

    Thanks, Matthew!

  3. Matt, your insight in people always amazes me! Thank you for being here for those of us who haven’t yet given up on dating. Lol

  4. I just wanted to thank you for being such an awesome coach. I really do enjoy hearing all you have to say about the insight you have that very few people know as well. Sharing this information does help with ones confidence when taking on the dating world. And the info is such good resource to help keep you from falling victim to people’s mind games. In the real world, people will take advantage of ones nieveness to dating, and use you up, and leave you so broken and discouraged to try again, but with your info, we will know what to do if we start to see the flags and what those flags are. I feel so in sighted. I don’t feel vulnerable to men anymore. I don’t feel discouraged. I feel smarter and my self value and self-esteem is back where it ought to be. Thank you again.

  5. This is without doubt the most insightful, accurate and game changing reflection of excatly what I’m thinking but didn’t realise.

    Matthew Hussey you are a genius.

  6. Hmmmm…… I agree with actions vs. tone (nothing is gained by being snippy, needy, accusatory, retaliatory, etc.)…. however, I would love it if you would expand on what you mean by being “ruthless in you actions”. Aloof? Noncommittal? Scarce? High-maintenance? Demanding?

    See where I’m going here….?

    I realize the power of just “going dark” on a man. Drives them nuts. However….

    I think you need to expand on this thinking and add to the process.

    Thanks, Matt!!!

  7. Dear Matthew, I waited a week to make this comment because I really wanted to reflect on it.
    I would like to point out that I live in Italy –land of the great Latin lovers, expert romancers, right? Let me tell you, the phenomenon of lazy courting (if it can be still called courting!) must be universal. Before seeing last week’s video I was convinced (I know you’re going to hate this: )  that there was something wrong with me, but I see it happens everywhere!
    As for your three text messages, the first two are right-on; the third one I believe ought to be handled in a different manner. Here goes:
    In “waiting for a confirmation of a date” –in and of itself a very sketchy concept—EVERY woman knows, feels in her GUT, when not hearing from the guy has over-extended any plausible/acceptable time limit.
    It does not matter what hour that might be, and differs for all of us. The fact is, we all know when we start to feel irritated and less enthusiastic about seeing the guy. I myself know when I’ve reached my threshold and am no longer willing to be left “on hold”. I decide my standard, respect my gut feeling, and am quite okay with it.
    At that point, a woman ought NOT to send a message asking whether the date is still on. There is really no need to do anything! When this has happened to me, when the guy finally did call (or, more commonly, sends a message) my reply? “Oh, I didn’t hear from you and already made other plans for tonight! ”
    I’m not closing the door on his face, and I’m not unpleasant. No guy who is really interested will be dissuaded by my standard, since it was he who didn’t come through.

    There have been guys (on-line “dating”; another term I find strange: dating on-line is like dining on-line: since when don’t you have to be there in person??!) who have asked for my telephone number immediately, without even corresponding first (laziness? Or illiteracy??). Recently, when I proposed that we first have an exchange via e-mails in direct (both of us on-line at the same time) the guy wrote back, “I can’t tonight; I have a dinner with friends and then going out dancing”. He could have written, “I can’t tonight, how about tomorrow?” But he didn’t. My reply? “No problem, sarà per un’altra volta! (it’ll be for another time). Have fun!”
    No bitterness, no nastiness, and needless to say, I never heard from him again (nor did I contact him).

    Question: why the laziness? Have men become so accustomed to women doing all the work that they just sit back and do nothing? I know that all men are NOT like this, and so I am happy to sift out the lazy ones.

    Thanks for all your great advise and observations . Hope to see you in Rome –we need you here!!!

    1. Thank you, Cindy, for your comment and for sharing your standards! Very thought-provoking. I’m learning not to rush to respond to on-line messages and texts from guys. Your “stories” together with your responses make a lot of sense to me. Much appreciated! Thanks again :)
      Take care,
      Marta

    2. I will give u a possible answer to your question through the mouth of Simon Sinek, a prestigious motivational speaker, coach and member of the think-tank called The Rand. He has assessed the US forces in Afghanistan and has one of the leading TED-ex talks of all-times. Hope it is of some enlightening help to you:

      https://youtu.be/l_wLkxKr0m8

      If you wished to dig deeper (jumping to minute 8:45, since the video introduction is waaaay too long):

      https://youtu.be/pWKDoEsYrI4

    3. Yes, and yes, and yes. It is a fine line between wearing a different hat versus playing the game as someone un-natural to one self. Being free spirited is not the same as being flaky. Being direct is different than being cruel. Being open does not mean showing no respect for privacy. I don’t know if humans have always been this confused or if it’s something that is becoming more noticeable. At this point, I’m not sure what to make of anything. I agree with you Cindy, you can’t get blood out of a turnip no matter how many dates and clever texts we take part in. Sincerity is becoming a diamond in the rough.

    4. Love it, Cindy! Men are super duper lazy here as well. My ex-husband had told me so before I even noticed. They blame on the living conditions. Life is too comfy here ha ha.
      I’m with you :)

  8. What I would like to know is, your posting all these wonderful post of how to get the guy. Your book goes on to relationships etc when you have him.

    How do you keep that ‘standard’ when you have him?

    For example; I was in a four year relationship with someone whom I had known half my life. Always get friends. As soon as we moved in, he didn’t provide me the standard of being responsive to my needs and being financially inept where we would fight week by week on finances.

    You cant have a bliss point there… explain for the girls with the guy!

    We ultimately ended the relationship due to the stress but still talk to one another.

  9. Iam seriously addicted to watching his videos! Everything he says iam just like “oh my god you’re right!” But my question would be, what actions do you take? Especially when you do like this person and do want to see him again? Be kind and sweet but act like you’re really not interested?

  10. Dear Matthew.
    What you advise really works! I know, because I checked it on a guy that I really liked after 1st date, when he was kind a flaky. Normally I would never speak to him again after flaky response but I used your “tricks” and ended up being in relationship with him, so he could dump me over a text after 2 months…. I know that it is my mistake, because I lost track of the time when he was suppose to care, and getting him to that point. But all I wanted to say is- it is dangerous to play those “games”. You are now mentioning with quite a sarcasm girls that are responding rashly to flaky guys, but maybe they are much happier, at least than me right now. I think guys now rarely have clear mind and heart, always thinking about someone else even though they meet someone new. Maybe we should invest in people that got that special feeling on a 1st date? Maybe everything is build on 1st impression and that’s how we avoid people with unresolved issues? That’s a topic I would not mind hearing about more from you if possible.

    1. Great points, Maggie! I would like to hear about that topic, too. We’ll date better guys if we listen more to our intuition. Still have to take the risk of getting to know them first aka giving them more chances than they deserve lol

  11. This!! And how it’s a total aha moment :D! Makes soooo much sense! Thanks Matt, when are you coming back to the UK – we miss you! :)

  12. You can actually see how pissed off the guy walking across screen is made at you for “puttin’ these hoes up on game”. LOL. Sorry. LOL

  13. Matthew, I love this. I live my life with a mantra that Actions speak louder than words. So I don’t get angry or passive aggressive, I simply know my standards, stick to them and am true to who I am. This doesn’t mean I am inflexible or unforgiving but it does mean that I know my worth and that is this secret.

  14. Matt we need specific examples when you say ruthless in our actions. Do you mean we should erase their number or block them? Or play them.at their own game?? Am a bit confused.

  15. What great timing… it’s like you are in my head Matthew !!! So spot on – I will no longer compromise on my standards, even if I really, really like someone lol….

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