The Dumbest Dating Mistake Everyone Makes…

In this week’s video, I’m about to show you a huge mistake 99% of people make in dating.

Make sure you don’t fall into this common trap…

91 Responses to The Dumbest Dating Mistake Everyone Makes…

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  1. Nnorom Faith Kelechi says:

    Ur on point.More Greece to ur elbow.

  2. Hannah says:

    This was exactly what I needed to hear… thank you so much

  3. Mirjam geerts says:

    I have to ask jou.
    I now wy people talk me down.
    But how can i handel it because it hurts and i dont like that.
    And i cant walk away because al kind off people do it to me i now it all my life. It makes it hard to trust people.
    So now i dont talk to some people annymore because they always try to hurt me.

    My dad said it is because jou have someyhing they whant and how hard they tray they never goning to get it. Because your naterale. It is a belessing but it hurts when people close to jou whant to put jou down

    Can jou gif me some advice

    Thnx u greetings Mirjam

  4. Korin says:

    Matt this was great advice! But I think it would help if you can make a video on how to be ruthless in actions, giving some examples. I think a lot of others are wondering the same thing.

  5. Alanna says:

    OMG, I love you Matt! Fave cousin recommended you for advice saying you were “empowering without embittering” (you have to imagine this being said in a SUPER dry tone; its just how she is and its hilarious (^_^) ). I think those three words describe this vid to a T. I’ve been bing watching your vids while visiting her and even when your advise doesn’t really apply to me I still find it really awesome! Thank you so much for everything!

  6. Gosia says:

    Soooo true Matt! I am an evidence of what you are talking about in this video – I made exactly this same mistake in my relationship. Needless to say, it doesn’t exist anymore, we split. No use being ruthless in your tone. Be ruthless in your ACTIONS (not an easy thing to do, but it’s crucial to get this competence) Thank you for drawing our attention to this! xxx

  7. Evita says:

    One of your best videos, if not the best. Thank you!

  8. Ade says:

    What does it mean to be ruthless in your actions? Maybe give 2-3 examples?

  9. Shri says:

    Hey ! Matt
    I love you and your kind efforts for me and every single girl, thanks thanks a lot, your suggestion are like universal truth , seriously if I am saying it I mean it.. You are the Superman in normal outfit for us….. Lots of love from India.

  10. Oksana says:

    This is just brilliant! Can be applied in all aspects of life! Thank you, Matthew!

  11. Sarah says:

    How do i get a guy to be more then friends with benifts when i am a single mom i really like a guy but it seems to not move past that stage

  12. Reema says:

    My current partner flaked on several dates with me when first started dating. The third time he didn’t get angry, I didn’t get angry and tell him off, but I did show him I was disappointed and I made it clear he needed to give me more notice next time he needed to reschedule our dates. And I showed compassion because he was going through a hard time. And I convinced him that perhaps a week end away with me might be just what he needs to get a break from the challenges he was facing in his life. When I said that, he agreed. he said he’d be right there, and he kept our date as we planned. Needless to say an amazing time. And we have been having an amazing time everyday since.

    I could have slammed the door in his face. I could have told him off, and I would have been justified in doing so. And if I had, my girlfriends would have supported me and rallied behind me for being strong. But I would have missed out on knowing the greatest companion I’ve ever known. And later he told me he fell for me because I showed strength and compassion in that moment.

    Great advice, Matt. Thank you!

  13. Sharon Nicholas says:

    Why men only want sex when you told them in beginning I am looking for a relationship.

  14. sabine weiss says:

    dear matthew
    thanks for your videos! i am actually a love-coach in austria, working with people after a break-up. i always love watching your videos and i recommend them to my clients, because they are so positive and “give hope” ;-)
    cheers, sabine

  15. Stephanie Lopez says:

    Once again Matt another amazing video! Not only do I take your video and blog advice and apply it to dating, but to other areas of my life as well. For example, having this attitude with other people in your life…especially those rude, NEGATIVE people. It will have a huge difference as to how they approach or treat you.
    My only regret is missing out on that private meet up you emailed about.

  16. Louhen says:

    Before watching this, I just made a mistake and this scenario happened yesterday. He made plans on meeting up, then all of a sudden something came up then he blamed me for canceling the date. He blamed me for the cancellation, where he was the one who cancelled and not me. Lolz. Therefore my respond was a little argumentative, or let’s just say I was defending myself lolz. But overall nice point Matthew. Thanks.

  17. Mary says:

    You got brilliant answers to this matters… more grace to you Matt!

  18. lynelle says:

    Not only this very fine video, Matthew, but all of these comments!! They’re powerful and so strong. I’m very very very glad you’ve given all these women a platform upon which to make their stand!

    A tremendous lot, even in the precious few I took the time to read, are asking that big question, though, that isn’t apparently obvious to any of us: “So…how do you be ruthless in your actions???”

  19. lynelle says:

    Whewwwwwwwwww, goood one, gooooood one, Matt!!!


  20. Elke says:

    “You don’t have to be ruthless in your tone, if you are ruthless in your actions”….absolutely brilliant, Matthew!

  21. Kieren says:

    It’s true, you don’t show strong emotion unless you’re affected by something to an extreme. Passive aggression only hurts yourself. Kindness & Gratitude makes the world go round. Love it x

  22. Raquel says:

    Wow, I’ve made this mistake several times. Thanks for opening up my eyes! Loved it.

  23. Ana says:

    How must one be ‘ruthless in one’s actions’?
    Please elaborate with examples.

    Does that mean no further contact face to face?
    When does the communication all stop?

    I don’t get it.

  24. Kellie says:

    But how do you come back from being ruthless in your tone?

  25. Stéphanie Wilbur says:

    Spot on… Excellent video!

  26. Cathy says:

    Hi Matthew,

    I loved this video but,,, He stood me up in a way that said leave me alone I’m not interested anymore. So I still really like this guy right but I don’t want to sweat him with phone calls or text messages so what do I do now because I’m thinking to just leave him alone, move on that sort of thing? What should I do Matthew because I would love to have him but I refuse to become a stalker.

  27. Krisz says:

    Thank you Matt! I am in a committed wonderful relationship for the last year and half now. We met before I discovered you so is Not a result of your help but because of pure luck. BUT What you helped ME with is understanding my own insecurities where there was no reason for me to be insecure. You helped me understand ME and HIM and you continue to help me work on my internal battles. I was on the path of sabotaging US because of those insecurities but every week you post a video and every week I learn more. Probably not yet but someday maybe he will think about cohabitation but if not I will have my standards to let him go. Thank you for all you do! sweetandsalty Krisztina

  28. Cleopatra says:

    This video was the most helpful so far.
    Not letting anyone in too close in the beginning, without massive expectations of mere strangers, seems key to keeping your cool and doing several phases of healthy screening. I had never -ever- thought of this before. I’ve been diving into the pool without checking to see if there’s water first! A thousand thanks!

  29. Louise says:

    Hi Matthew, I was listening to one of your videos the other day and you mentioned something. That has really resonated with me that I was hoping you would follow up with maybe another video. You spoke about two things 1 regarding women that continue to hang onto men that they want to change that will never change. Having been single for some time. I really struggle with meeting guys that are in unhappy relationships. I’d like to to discuss more about the concept of throwing these guys back into the mix so they can actually find someone that better meets their needs/personality and type.
    Secondly you spoke about men leaving breadcrumbs for us to keep us interested. I’m in a very similar situation that is quite complex and what you said really resonated with me. Many thanks

  30. Yuvika says:

    Been there, done that. Though I’m not ashamed to accept my mistakes. Yeah, I did that. But eventually thought, “this stuff is too much and too complicated for me”. Damn heavy stuff! Stopped dating altogether.

    Still, don’t. But I watch your videos, most of them. Though I have no idea why. Because I’m scared to death. Last time I tried, I was told I am ugly. The worst nightmare come true for any girl.

    I have put myself together again. I have confidence that I am beautiful. Things are looking good for me. years of hard-work is fruitful. I don’t need someone to tell me I am beautiful anymore. You videos hit a mark.

    THanks, Mr. Hussey.

  31. Nancy says:

    So, Matthew, please give us some examples of how to be ruthless in our actions.

    • L.M says:

      If he’s flaky on the date, does not confirm or does not reply to your remind, you simply go on with your own plan. This is not your fault but might be his loss for not knowing how interesting you can be. Therefore, you don’t need to be angry. You might either text him first or reply to his message the next day, saying:
      “It was a pity you did not join me yesterday, I had so much fun at…(or with…). Next time, I’ll save a seat for you BUT remember to confirm at least 4-5 hours prior to the appointment ;) ”

      And you don’t just mean by words, be clear with following actions when meeting him in person.

      A calm whisper is always scarier than a scream, don’t you think? :)

  32. Cathy says:

    This is perhaps the most masterful, life-changing video of yours to date. If we could grasp this one concept, it has the potential to completely transform male-female relationships. It resolves the problem of how easily men feel overwhelmed by a woman’s intense emotion, and replaces it with a vehicle for impact – the calm , clear communication of standards – that can bring a woman what she truly longs for from a man.

  33. Lisa says:

    Does this ever backfire? The guy says. Sorry, I do know what I want and I’ve been meaning to break it off. And what would the response be then?

  34. Kellie Atkinson says:

    Brilliant, of course! But Matt, for those of us who are always, perhaps, too kind in our tone and actions, will you please give an example of how to be ruthless in action???
    Thanks a million!

  35. JJ says:

    Right? Of course right!

  36. Danielle says:

    Oh my gosh that was captivating!! Loved it!!

  37. Ma ecehara igat says:

    it’s a good idea to give advice. i’m relatable to what he says how .. here’s also In philippines u come and visit and give them..

  38. Maria says:

    Wow, I think Matthew is turning into a God…

    Always good stuff.
    Thank you.

  39. TheEMM says:

    Matthew this is BRILLIANT!
    Though I am not really into the dating scene just yet – 2 years out of a horrid marriage.

    But your ‘kind/sweet tone + ruthless actions/standards’ is IMHO the DEFINTION of assertiveness.

    I’m not giving you the pleasure/time of day to upset my emotions/tone (or at least I’m not letting you see it no matter what the reality is!) but I’ll be damned if I’ll let it slide.

    Your bliss point is cheeky assertiveness personified, and I think it’s applicable in ALL interpersonal relationships – not just new/dating ones!

    Great work!

  40. Ann says:

    Oh snap! There it is! You’ve just summed it all up so simply and perfectly! Tone vs. Actions – of course! Brilliant! Thank you.

  41. Jerone says:

    I haven’t watched the video yet but your email made want to write first, watch later.

    No guy should have to chase a women and no women should have to chase a guy. The sweet and salty response is perfect. Who doesn’t like a mix?! You can’t forget your sweet side ever, in any situation. You have to stay classy.. stay humble. Just face the fact head on that it wasn’t meant to be, pick yourself up and continue to smile moving on…

    That lovely old quote of ‘use your smile to change the world. Don’t let the world change your smile’ springs to mind

  42. Ci says:

    Yes Matthew,

    This is a bit long, apologies ahead of time.

    I was one of the people making the same point. I watched your video as well on responding calmly, and let actions speak for us.
    (just an FYI, examples on those actions would have brought the discussion full circle.)

    We needn’t, of course, be rude to a flake, though they are usually dimwitted enough NOT to catch on to “actions”, ergo their continued disservice to those they date. As with children, only prolonged absence – when and only when they are continued in their seeking of attention from us – would be noticed. Short term, most men would simply go to the next woman in the rotation.

    Simply ignoring or avoiding them also makes us look “in the wrong” and “petty” to some men, and trust me… their mouths talk to everyone, in order to promote their own self perceptions and bolster their ego before word gets out that THEY have done something distasteful. Granted, only a percentage of men are this bad… but just how many “got busy” excuses must we weed through?

    Adding “smiley emoji” to soften the bluntness….weakens us. I may soften the hit to their pride… then again, WHYYYYY exactly are we wanting to safe them a hit of reality? Their actions did not spare us… and having not been called out, they are apt to repeat their behavior.

    Men behaving badly + women told to take a “strong but submissive stance / show those standards” = Men behaving badly, and women not being true to themselves as human people not gender defined or prorated in respectful treatment. (yes, I am aware of the redundant statement, it was there for affect.)

    Why must we weaken our position or standard just to seem non-threatening to someone who is disrespecting us? Think about that question please, for a moment. Telling us to “act feminine” is by all standards in every social context telling us to act weak to appeal to the ego of a male with no respect for our time or persona in the first place. Femininity is grace under fire, and it is animal and raw and protective. The feminine of the wild protect their young. They compete for choice genetic male genes; they survive thousands of years of beating, abuse, and oppression. The wiles we use to attract mates are historically more about advantage** and survival…not about lifetime bond. That is true womanhood at it’s carnal and raw form.

    Sure, sure… there are truly helpless women, nurtured that way. Women who assume to inferior role willingly, those who are in it but never challenged it, and those who use it as cover while manipulating (Melania Trump) their providers (see **), and those who assume the position of being the completing 2/5ths to the man’s 3/5ths, as her religion told her that is her definition and role and sin from Eve (because men couldn’t own their own shit, apparently) and must be contrite for their god to accept them as worthy; strength through suffering. Should we get them a cat-o-nine-tails and teach them self flagellation to complete the martyr look? It’s been the in look since men made religion to control and oppress. (see, I softened the smart-ass overtone with the desired emoji… but, that is also insulting your intelligence as I take you to be someone who is ever-increasing his knowledge and sees trite attempts to soften an intended hone as beneath you, am I correct?….ergo my point….smiley faces when TRULY playing and flirtatious are a good thing. When we are setting standards,,,,they are not a good thing.)

    Telling women to think less than powerfully is contributing to the issue and battle of the sexes. My femininity in my composure, my manner of movement, my coy look precisely timed, the pucker of my lips intended for increased attraction, the wiggle/slide in my walk that sways in tempo to his pulse as I walk away…. it is NOT however, a diminution of my equality of mind, stature, or ability to let a male know he acted in a manner that is beneath the standard of egalitarian respect.

    Would you tell Jamison to be weak with interactions with his boss (you), his doctor, his tax agent, or another man? No, you would not. Of course, directness is not rude, terseness is not being curt. Though we can definitely be curt when terse, and terse when curt.

    ” Type A” (or any other) is not gender defined. The genders do not have a role card applicable to each personality type that says how one must behave according to our genitals or socially allowable behavior. That would be telling a woman she could be strong, but not stronger than a man… or must be weaker than a weak man.

    The Type A is of the same chemical/naturant/nurturant makeup on either plane. Type A are not loud and overbearing to hold their leadership. We gladly allow a fool to fail while we continue moving forward. A fool is not necessary, and is only a problem when their ineptness interferes with our forward progression (Trump, in total, for instance.)

    And we will either assert or ignore depending on cost of execution, value of response, and if it weighs in our desired targeted outcome. As an INTJ Type A with my artistic, intuitive, sensitive, and leadership skills developed (finally, after years of trying to fight who I am with the expectations of women by the institutionalized standard); I find it logically imperative to evolution and survival to NOT diminish our presence, tolerance, or voice as women if we are to be valued as equal to men and change the dictum of male institutionalized marginalizing practices within society.

    That is important to think about… men love the idea of sorceresses, Amazons, Queens and Heroines of Marvel and DC Comics, and history. All strong, alluring notice I did not say sexy, as in comics the figure is drawn for the reader – the uniform is both aesthetic and functional to the wearer and counterpart within the character’s universe …and are vocally powerful, demanding in standard, yet caring, nurturant, protective…and increasingly EQUAL, and in some cases dominant to their male counterparts.

    If the offending party who stood us up, blew us off, doesn’t call back, ghosts and materializes has a pattern, I believe it is in the best interest of both parties for her to succinctly call him out, and then dismiss him. And to raise our own sons and daughters to the same standard if we are ever to end institutionalized misogyny and inequality. We can not love what we do not value. We can only possess, covet, and not want others to take it from us if we have an artificial sense of importance and value. Ownership is not partnership. Religion teaches ownership. Women were legally told in the lawbooks that they subsumed their identity to that of their husband…lost property rights(1)….couldn’t vote since he owned her. We were held to the same level of rights and freedom as slaves in the Jim Crow era (2). That is also a religious thing that women were “given away” to the groom, and she was “unveiled” at the alter and then she was “given” the man’s name (3)(4). Where was SHE in all of this? In other cultures, women keep their maternal name.

    See where I am coming from with this?

    Eventually our stander-upper will “hear/see” what he behaves like if more women were less “lady like”, less “passive”, less “doormat by all appearances to the guy because she did NOT stand up for herself – he acted aggressively in his behavior… yes, disregard IS a blatant and aggressive behaviour, Just because one does not sit and plan out the act does not make it less blatant or intentional. We claim to be thinking people, right?

    Further telling women to subsume their voice and power perpetuates the cycle of men …telling women….what to think.

    (3) Marital rape was only made illegal in all 50 states as late as 1993.

    To illustrate direct and equal male language, allow me a recent happening to show my case:

    He: from Nigeria. Men their do not fondle women they respect. Hands on to all others. Living here since 2008. Served in the military.

    Met online. Good conversation. Asked me out.
    Discovered he meant “to his place”. I said simply, “That’s not an option.”
    He tried again, I said, “No. Have a good week.”
    He asked me again, though to a movie.
    Night of movie, on the way (separate cars), he enlightens me that he hopes to win me over (fair enough. Good luck with that.) and kiss me (NOT happening, especially since it’s a goal), and we are apparently going Dutch. (What. The. Fuck.)

    As a critic, I went anyway. Though I pointed out, “oh, this is a size me up move. Okay, well, perhaps you are new to dating because if it is solely to size up my worthiness of time or monetary investment that it takes to get me to bed, then you are overspending. Typically the low-cost avenue of coffee at Starbucks is the quick size-her-up option. Or the even cheaper walk in the park.”

    He responds, “We can still do that, if you want.”

    Me, “Have a great night. I am already at the theater and am going to watch the movie. I need to see it anyway.”

    He shows up, eats my popcorn. Tries to touch me constantly. Talks throughout the movie until I give the side eye.

    Afterward, walking out of the building attempts to wrap his arms about my shoulders and slip a feel in. I studied close combat for movie roles, he did not….despite being in the military. And I threw him off with a duck and shoulder roll. Nothing dramatic, little more than what women do all the time.

    He insists on walking me to my car. Then tries to push against me. Freshly done nails into the sternum pushed him off and I left.

    He contacts me again, “How are you, would you like to go out again?”

    My response, ” I want to tell you something, and I just want you to listen. You blew me off, then asked me to come to your place which is arrogant of you to think I want to be alone with you like a fly in the web. How little you must think of my intelligence or memory of other men with the same line. You got another chance, then illuminated it to be DUTCH as to be able to size me up without investment. How entitled of you. And where do you come from where it is okay to touch a woman you do not know? Where would you have stopped if I had not stopped you?”

    He responded, “I am sorry. You are right.”
    then hours later ” I really am sorry. I don’t deserve another chance to make it up to you. I do like you. If you find it okay to you, I would like to make it up to you.”

    Whether he meant it or not, I don’t care. But, I was not rude, though my words grew in meaning purpose when he did not react to subtlety.

    Putting off someone’s bad behavior with coyness will get more bad behavior.

    Other than this point… love all you have to say.

    Your Fan,


    • Mia says:

      I think a lot of Matt’s fans will be slightly put off by your reply. Imo, it could use a bit of editing for length. Other than that I was really pleased to read your perspective. Then saw your type (infj here) and had to laugh, as I was engaged to a Nigerian long ago. Long story short, hope you ignored his apologies and never saw him again. And thanks again for sharing your perfectly valid POV, regardless of its popularity. Best ~

  43. Ana says:

    Hi Matt,
    Can you elaborate on ‘being ruthless in one’s actions’?
    What exactly do you mean by this and can you give some examples?

  44. Selene says:

    I am the one who used to be angry at my -now ex- boyfriend. Telling him “hey are you that lazy?” And still going to his place. No more, I started to stay at home even when he was trying to take me to his place, even when he got me free food. No! I wanted to spend my Sunday in my house that I cleaned in the morning or Saturday evening, not in his sty the place I had to clean, giving me a double weekend work. I used to be kind with that guy who left me down Friday night because he was lazy or worse, used go to a Dungeons and Dragons night WITHOUT ME! He doesn’t have any power over me and I feel so much better.

  45. Egle says:

    Hahaha… You think you know us so well, Matthew! I even went back and checked my comment on last week’s video. lol

    I like the message of this video. Reminds me of something I heard on a podcast recently that said that success is less about acquisition of knowledge, and more about the application of wisdom.

  46. Sandy says:

    Matthew, This is dead on!!!!!
    I absolutely love this video, my favorite by far!!!!

  47. Pamela mayo says:

    What you said is kind of true. I started to date this guy , he said something that passed me off and I ended it. But I don’t see he even realized what he said. I see that now. It was a great point you made. It made me feel good to see the guy side. Made sense . and now I’m seeing him again . and I really do like him. I wanted him to be under my control not the other way around. I see the mistake I made . and I won’t make it again . funny I sent it? Mmm

  48. Colleen DEDON says:

    spot on again

  49. Mara says:

    Love your advice in this video. Psychologically speaking you are spot on. The laughter from the audience is accurate. It’s funny because it’s true.

    There is immense power in one’s actions.

  50. Andre says:

    Hi! Can you guve me an example of being ruthless in my actions and kind in my tone.

  51. Crown says:

    Oh Mathew I’m blowing you a kiss from my country Nigeria. Best dating advice of the year. Point blank realistic teaching. You are going places you know. Thank you for this teaching.

  52. Tracey says:

    Sadly, none of these will work in the “situation” I have w/the guy I’m crushing on…all good points, just won’t work for me.

  53. Julie MacKenzie says:

    Such great advice! & So true…. ;) Love the videos…Keep them coming Matthew…Hugs! ;) <3

  54. Marcia Fialho says:

    Great advice, Matthew! Thank you!!!!

  55. Michelle says:

    I love you Matthew say the exact right thing at the exact right e helped me so much in the last year…much ❤️ Xx

  56. Amy says:

    Good insight. However, I’m wondering what you mean by being ruthless in our actions??

  57. Jen says:

    This was SO helpful. i’ve been doing this for too many years with someone. It’s like I was playing a game, but I come out the loser every time. Thank you so much for explaining this behavior so well.

  58. Linda Summerton says:

    What great timing… it’s like you are in my head Matthew !!! So spot on – I will no longer compromise on my standards, even if I really, really like someone lol….

  59. Tracey Dutton says:

    Ok I think what you are saying is right, but how do you show an action in a text? How do you keep your moral standard?

  60. gemma phıllıps says:

    Matt we need specific examples when you say ruthless in our actions. Do you mean we should erase their number or block them? Or play their own game?? Am a bit confused.

  61. Melissa Ryan says:

    Matthew, I love this. I live my life with a mantra that Actions speak louder than words. So I don’t get angry or passive aggressive, I simply know my standards, stick to them and am true to who I am. This doesn’t mean I am inflexible or unforgiving but it does mean that I know my worth and that is this secret.

  62. Serena says:

    I love this cocept so much that I had to leave a comment. Thank you for always inspiring me Matt:)

  63. Helena Clarke says:

    You can actually see how pissed off the guy walking across screen is made at you for “puttin’ these hoes up on game”. LOL. Sorry. LOL

  64. Chloe says:

    This!! And how it’s a total aha moment :D! Makes soooo much sense! Thanks Matt, when are you coming back to the UK – we miss you! :)

  65. Maggie says:

    Dear Matthew.
    What you advise really works! I know, because I checked it on a guy that I really liked after 1st date, when he was kind a flaky. Normally I would never speak to him again after flaky response but I used your “tricks” and ended up being in relationship with him, so he could dump me over a text after 2 months…. I know that it is my mistake, because I lost track of the time when he was suppose to care, and getting him to that point. But all I wanted to say is- it is dangerous to play those “games”. You are now mentioning with quite a sarcasm girls that are responding rashly to flaky guys, but maybe they are much happier, at least than me right now. I think guys now rarely have clear mind and heart, always thinking about someone else even though they meet someone new. Maybe we should invest in people that got that special feeling on a 1st date? Maybe everything is build on 1st impression and that’s how we avoid people with unresolved issues? That’s a topic I would not mind hearing about more from you if possible.

    • Gracie says:

      Great points, Maggie! I would like to hear about that topic, too. We’ll date better guys if we listen more to our intuition. Still have to take the risk of getting to know them first aka giving them more chances than they deserve lol

  66. Jennifer says:

    Iam seriously addicted to watching his videos! Everything he says iam just like “oh my god you’re right!” But my question would be, what actions do you take? Especially when you do like this person and do want to see him again? Be kind and sweet but act like you’re really not interested?

  67. Tiffany Simone says:

    What I would like to know is, your posting all these wonderful post of how to get the guy. Your book goes on to relationships etc when you have him.

    How do you keep that ‘standard’ when you have him?

    For example; I was in a four year relationship with someone whom I had known half my life. Always get friends. As soon as we moved in, he didn’t provide me the standard of being responsive to my needs and being financially inept where we would fight week by week on finances.

    You cant have a bliss point there… explain for the girls with the guy!

    We ultimately ended the relationship due to the stress but still talk to one another.

  68. Cindy says:

    Dear Matthew, I waited a week to make this comment because I really wanted to reflect on it.
    I would like to point out that I live in Italy –land of the great Latin lovers, expert romancers, right? Let me tell you, the phenomenon of lazy courting (if it can be still called courting!) must be universal. Before seeing last week’s video I was convinced (I know you’re going to hate this: )  that there was something wrong with me, but I see it happens everywhere!
    As for your three text messages, the first two are right-on; the third one I believe ought to be handled in a different manner. Here goes:
    In “waiting for a confirmation of a date” –in and of itself a very sketchy concept—EVERY woman knows, feels in her GUT, when not hearing from the guy has over-extended any plausible/acceptable time limit.
    It does not matter what hour that might be, and differs for all of us. The fact is, we all know when we start to feel irritated and less enthusiastic about seeing the guy. I myself know when I’ve reached my threshold and am no longer willing to be left “on hold”. I decide my standard, respect my gut feeling, and am quite okay with it.
    At that point, a woman ought NOT to send a message asking whether the date is still on. There is really no need to do anything! When this has happened to me, when the guy finally did call (or, more commonly, sends a message) my reply? “Oh, I didn’t hear from you and already made other plans for tonight! ”
    I’m not closing the door on his face, and I’m not unpleasant. No guy who is really interested will be dissuaded by my standard, since it was he who didn’t come through.

    There have been guys (on-line “dating”; another term I find strange: dating on-line is like dining on-line: since when don’t you have to be there in person??!) who have asked for my telephone number immediately, without even corresponding first (laziness? Or illiteracy??). Recently, when I proposed that we first have an exchange via e-mails in direct (both of us on-line at the same time) the guy wrote back, “I can’t tonight; I have a dinner with friends and then going out dancing”. He could have written, “I can’t tonight, how about tomorrow?” But he didn’t. My reply? “No problem, sarà per un’altra volta! (it’ll be for another time). Have fun!”
    No bitterness, no nastiness, and needless to say, I never heard from him again (nor did I contact him).

    Question: why the laziness? Have men become so accustomed to women doing all the work that they just sit back and do nothing? I know that all men are NOT like this, and so I am happy to sift out the lazy ones.

    Thanks for all your great advise and observations . Hope to see you in Rome –we need you here!!!

    • Marta says:

      Thank you, Cindy, for your comment and for sharing your standards! Very thought-provoking. I’m learning not to rush to respond to on-line messages and texts from guys. Your “stories” together with your responses make a lot of sense to me. Much appreciated! Thanks again :)
      Take care,

    • Beatriz says:

      I will give u a possible answer to your question through the mouth of Simon Sinek, a prestigious motivational speaker, coach and member of the think-tank called The Rand. He has assessed the US forces in Afghanistan and has one of the leading TED-ex talks of all-times. Hope it is of some enlightening help to you:

      If you wished to dig deeper (jumping to minute 8:45, since the video introduction is waaaay too long):

    • Aidan says:

      Yes, and yes, and yes. It is a fine line between wearing a different hat versus playing the game as someone un-natural to one self. Being free spirited is not the same as being flaky. Being direct is different than being cruel. Being open does not mean showing no respect for privacy. I don’t know if humans have always been this confused or if it’s something that is becoming more noticeable. At this point, I’m not sure what to make of anything. I agree with you Cindy, you can’t get blood out of a turnip no matter how many dates and clever texts we take part in. Sincerity is becoming a diamond in the rough.

    • Gracie says:

      Love it, Cindy! Men are super duper lazy here as well. My ex-husband had told me so before I even noticed. They blame on the living conditions. Life is too comfy here ha ha.
      I’m with you :)

  69. Karin says:

    Btw. your insta link on your youtube channel isn’t working anymore. :)

  70. Faizah says:

    I agree with everything you said and it’s so true. But how easy is it to control how we feel regarding someone?

  71. Laura Crosby says:

    Hmmmm…… I agree with actions vs. tone (nothing is gained by being snippy, needy, accusatory, retaliatory, etc.)…. however, I would love it if you would expand on what you mean by being “ruthless in you actions”. Aloof? Noncommittal? Scarce? High-maintenance? Demanding?

    See where I’m going here….?

    I realize the power of just “going dark” on a man. Drives them nuts. However….

    I think you need to expand on this thinking and add to the process.

    Thanks, Matt!!!

  72. Fiona says:

    This is without doubt the most insightful, accurate and game changing reflection of excatly what I’m thinking but didn’t realise.

    Matthew Hussey you are a genius.

  73. Bridgete I Ledesma says:

    I just wanted to thank you for being such an awesome coach. I really do enjoy hearing all you have to say about the insight you have that very few people know as well. Sharing this information does help with ones confidence when taking on the dating world. And the info is such good resource to help keep you from falling victim to people’s mind games. In the real world, people will take advantage of ones nieveness to dating, and use you up, and leave you so broken and discouraged to try again, but with your info, we will know what to do if we start to see the flags and what those flags are. I feel so in sighted. I don’t feel vulnerable to men anymore. I don’t feel discouraged. I feel smarter and my self value and self-esteem is back where it ought to be. Thank you again.

  74. Iva says:

    Matt, your insight in people always amazes me! Thank you for being here for those of us who haven’t yet given up on dating. Lol

  75. Susie says:

    This is like zen enlightenment for me! I HAVE been the angry, bitter, sarcastic woman who belies her words with actions — like taking him back a week after his transgression — and will rinse/repeat the cycle the next time.

    I will now simply flip the script — and look forward to the results.

    Thanks, Matthew!

  76. Candy says:

    Truth, truth TRUTH!!!!!

  77. A. says:

    Very interesting, Matthew! Of course you’re right. We want to see him again. Not everyone has ten men in rotation. But . . . we can’t. Block with a smile, I get it. We just have to plan never to see this dude again. #noDrama.

    But then why be sweet at all? I’ve always been sweet but I regret it sometimes. I’m especially sweet if I’m done with him but sometimes it feels like I haven’t called him out. But the time to call him out is before one is done.

    If the sweetness does get him attracted to you again, should you give him another chance?

    My gut says no. I wonder what others think.


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