Here’s a quick video on the hardships of life, why you need to find what you love, stick it out and keep going.
In the interview mentioned, Jerry was asked if his work was still difficult, to which he replied, “your blessing in life is when you find the torture you’re comfortable with.”
We can take this one of two ways; to be either depressing or empowering.
One of the great myths of our society is that things get easier.
–Get rich quick and your life will be easy…
–Find a relationship and your life will be easy…
–Six-pack abs and your life will be easy…
But life doesn’t work like that! It’s not that simple.
Life stays difficult.
I see my job as a coach not as helping make people’s lives easier, but helping people graduate from doing hard things they hate, to doing hard things they really enjoy.
For me, running GetTheGuy is no easier than it was 5 years ago. More opportunity can mean more work, but I enjoy it more, and that’s the difference.
The aim isn’t to make an easy life…
It’s to find something you love doing – a torture you can endure, and something that energises you.
With that said, sometimes you’ll be doing something hard that you don’t find fun, but just because it’s not ‘fun’, doesn’t mean it can’t be fulfilling.
As another personal example, I love boxing – not because while I’m doing it I’m having so much ‘fun’ – but because at the end of it I feel amazing and I get excited about going the next day.
Find a form of ‘torture’ you can enjoy.
Find something that can become part of your DNA and give it everything you’ve got.
Don’t stop because it’s hard work or because it’s not paying off right now. Keep doing it because you know it’s something that drives you at your core.
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You’ll have noticed by now that GetTheGuy is bigger than just love life and dating advice. It’s about creating a life you love.
As the perfect compliment to videos I’m putting out here every week, if you want cutting-edge strategies for attracting a man, building chemistry and getting a guy to commit, check out my online program The Man Myth and take back control now.
Thanks Matthew for ur weekly videos!
Appreciate it very much as ur videos set me thinking about my life every wk.
Pls continue on making ur videos xoxo
Your viewer from singapore
You’re freaking awesome. I’ve been watching your videos and following you for some years now and I still learn and grow jst a little bit more everytime I watch ur videos. You’re inspiring. Keep up the hard work, we are so blessed by it. Thank you :)
Been made redundant and have enough money not to work for six months IF I budget like crazy (pain) but I will get pleasure in starting up my own Freelance Administration business. Luckily, everyone elses pain (Excel) is my pleasure LOL
I think a lot of us are trying to deal with torture of improving ourselves, but we are enjoying the results. I have done a lot of really challenging things in my professional life. Looking at my confidence, communication, and perception issues as I read your book has truly been one of the hardest things I have ever done. Looking at my perceptions and behaviors to see where I need significant improvement, them making the changes has been a form of torture. As I make my way through your book and I implement then things you say I feel good about it! its very hard to overcome somethings, but like you say at least we are doing something about it.
I think your advice is helping us in a lot of areas in our life, not to just get the guy. Thank you so much for your help you just dont know how much you were needed.
Although the video is absolutely right, it must be noted that sometimes finding the work you love is a difficult process. I have struggled gravely in this area. Trurthfully, this is one the worst times of my life because as an amazing high value woman with great potential, I have not found what I love to do. I am in limbo.
I’ve been around and been thinking about dating and relationships for a long time (mostly because I haven’t been successful), and I’ve read tons of books and listened to tons of podcasts, met lots of men, and been on LOTS of dates, and I’ve recently come to realize that relationships aren’t about me getting what I want. I’ve been using men and dating and relationships (or in my case, lack thereof) to hide from my own life and committing to my own torture. Why? Because I’m lazy!! I want life to be easy!! If I just read the right books and watch the right videos, I’ll have the formula and I’ll be successful and happy. I’ve put a lot of work into trying to find a way to be lazy. And it’s made me see a few things:
– if I’m consistently not able to attract someone into my life and have a good relationship with him, then it’s not about men, it’s about me and how I am in my life
– if I’m feeling really “desperate” and thinking about relationships all the time (especially without doing much about it) then it’s not about men, it’s about me
– if I’m happy and joyfully torturing myself on a regular basis, men just show up and it’s not about if they like me, but how I want to interact with them
– if I’m living my torture, being proactive, and believing that I’m of value, then when some guy doesn’t call or I don’t get a second date, it’s not such a big deal… Next!
– lastly, no matter what, I’m seeing it’s not about the guy. It’s about me, and what kind of love affair I’m having with myself. Besides, I’m more likely to laugh at my own jokes and have the same taste in movies, right??
Matthew, I’m just at the beginning of this journey, and you’ve been incredibly helpful. I love that your work isn’t all about the guy because I’ve used “the guy” to run from myself. I’m putting all your techniques and mindsets to work in my life, little by little, and things are changing. It’s hard not to be lazy. But it’s worth it because I think that your stuff works, and I’m a lot happier to work when I know it’s going to work, than what I’ve been doing all these years: working my a** off and getting no results.
Thanks for making it about life, as well as love. Keep up the torture!!
A
As always Matt… PREACH IT!
I work in Film and Television and it is torture I am comfortable I am with. Believe me it is a horrendous industry but I love it.
I love Boxing and even more so Martial Arts. And again, I completely agree with you… Torture that I am comfortable with because it is fulfilling.
Matt when you are right you are SO right.
Thank you for the thoughts! Have a great week.
“Pleasing 100 women in a room at the same time!” That should be your new slogan! ;) haha!
That’s very interesting, I’ve never would have put torture and comfort together. I using see them on different sides of the pendulum. But, It reminds me of the quote “Come what may and love it!”
The philosopher Gurdjieff made people work at a thankless task hour after hour in order the strengthen the “will” It is by pushing ourselves through these tortures that we build our strength.
Confidence is built brick by brick. I know, I have built a wall. It has taken years.
Life seems easier now. I meet my challenges with inner strength turning obstacles into opportunities. Perhaps for some of us life can become easier depending on the meaning we give to the events that take place in our lives.
Love your Philosophy on life. Thanks Matt you’re a great guy.
Linda x
A year ago I left Spain and moved to England to study law. I wasn’t sure I was doing the right thing and sometimes things would get awfully complicated and people would tell me to give up, but I didn’t want to. People couldn’t understand why I was willing to stay there, having a horribly hard time and going through hell. The thing is that I love what I do, and I have a goals, I know that when I reach them, things won’t be any easier (Human Rights are never gonna be easy) but I enjoy the pain and, even knowing this, I wouldn’t change what I have now for anything in the world.
I think that videos like this one are extremely helpful because sometimes we all need a dose of reality without sugar-coating it. As my teache3r once said: Life doesn’t get easier, you just get tougher.
Thank you for your enthusiasm, Mathew! It’s contagious :-)
I love that you show your faith in this video. Very cool and appreciated. I was raised to believe that happiness is a choice, and joy comes from God. Just a thought. It can be torturous along the journey, God never said it would be easy, but that he would walk through every circumstance with his people. Thanks for your insights.
Happiness is ABSOLUTELY a choice Kelly. Too many people get to the end of their lives and feel regret because they realise they decided not to be happy for so much of it.
M x
This video makes me want to PUNCH you. Sorry, not to be threatening or anything.
Strike that from the record.
LOL please try not to punch me : )
Hi Matthew,
Another Sunday, another video. They have been so good lately, focusing on making our whole lives better not just our potential love lives. Sometimes we are just not at a place to make that our sole focus anyway.
My torture is very much like yours. My ballet workouts are not fun and are so hard when in the middle of one, but they make me feel amazing and I look forward to each time. It also sounds very odd but I am so in tune with my little disabled boy, it helps me to remember I am actually able bodied and want to keep healthy and fit to care for him. (Can’t believe I wrote that).
Thank you for all the work you put into these videos, they are so appreciated. Even if my comments are ridiculous, I do go away and think about each topic. Your energy is infectious and your compassionate nature really comes across. You match the bush in the video, nice touch!
Kathryn xx
Hey Kathryn,
Your comments are perfectly valid and I love how honest you are here. Keep coming back and inspiring other people with that same honesty!
M x
I love your videos Matt, your enthusiasm and especially when you rant. It i especially inspiring as I tend to have moments like that too!
Carry on the good work!
Thanks Rach!
My marriage was torture, so I quit my marriage and decided to pursue a better torture instead – called flying airplanes and law school. It’s the end of the world! OH MY GOD! I traded my “husband” for the things I love…. Um… uh oh? Oh no.
I would have gone mental in the relationship because I’m really judge-mental and I love the LaW.
Why isn’t there a delete option on your blog ??
If someone posts incriminating information on your blog, they SHOULD have the right to delete it. Just sayin’
Hey Sydney, which part would you like us to delete? We’ll happily take it down for you.
You’re right! Thank you for being honest because I do fall victim to this kind of thinking – things will be easier when I lose five pounds, make it to the next level at work, etc. (although I really do think things will be easier when I retire in Hawaii LOL)
Love the camera work in the video!
Hi Matthew its been a long time that I follow your mails and videos but the reason that motivated me to write you for the fist time was this ” sometimes you’ll be doing something hard that you don’t find fun, but just because it’s not ‘fun’, doesn’t mean it can’t be fulfilling.”
I just wanna say THANK YOU ,this video opened up a new way of thinking in my mind.
have a nice time :)
Shiana from Italy
Thanks. This couldn’t have come at a better time. I’m sitting here in my dressing gown with a hot chocolate & stinking cold. I’ve worked the last fortnight including weekends. Loved the work-its a great opportunity for me but not loving the no work/life balance & now losing my health. This coming week will be just as manic but I need time off to get better. Also berating myself for not making many interactions this week (gettheguy) as when you feel shit, look shit you don’t feel like interacting. So I know I need to get my life in balance somehow. Thanks for your message. You do great work x
Really needed this today. I am studying for my professional certification and it is so hard! I’m tired of it and tired of my job at this point and all I want to do is sleep and watch Dr. Who. But I enjoy my job and it is taking me where I want to go, and so is this certification. So it being hard shouldn’t matter. I just needed to be reminded of that.
There is a song I love whose last verse goes like this: “There is no Eden, no heavenly gates we’re going to make it to someday. The only answers you seek can be found in the dreams you dream along the way.”
While I do believe in heaven, I think the meaning is straight on. There is no goal you are going to achieve in life that will make your life perfect and easy. But what matters is the dreams and ambitions we strive for along the way.